Prez Trump is going to send a text message to all U.S. cellphones this Thursday as a test of the new Federal Emergency Alert System.

- The message will start out, “This is a TEXT. This is only a TEXT”.

- The new system is designed to make sure we’re prepared in the event North Korea launches a Nuclear Covfefe.

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Woody Allen’s wife/daughter, Soon Yi, claims that her father/husband Woody is innocent, but that her mother/husband’s ex-girlfriend, Mia Farrow emotionally abused her when she was a child.

- The only thing that could make this story more complicated would be if Caitlyn Jenner was involved.

- And you thought Thanksgiving with YOUR family was awkward.

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Paul McCartney called out President Trump in one of his new songs, saying: “We’ve got a mad captain sailing this boat”.

- Trump immediately tweeted: “More proof the Beatles were a bunch of no-talent HACKS! And don’t get me started on Paul’s wife, Yoko! SAD!!!”

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The Weather Channel apologized after one it’s meteorologists who was seen allegedly battling fierce winds live on camera during Hurricane Florence while two guys were seen casually walked through the background.

- Forecasters say there’s a 100% chance of this guy getting canned by 5 this afternoon.

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Today is National Apple Dumpling Day!

- If you like to Dumple Apples… this is your Lucky Day.

(For those of you who don’t know what an Apple Dumpling is, (like me) it’s a cored apple - doused with cinnamon, sugar and butter, wrapped in pastry and baked!)

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A viral video shows a 2,000 pound bull in Utah jumping a fence and running away — all to avoid being circumcized.

- Well wouldn’t you???

- I nominate this for the “Take a Little Off the Top” Story of the Day!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick