Queen Elizabeth is holding a family meeting during Tea Time today to discuss Prince Harry & Meghan’s announcement that they’re “Quitting” the Royal Family.

- Meghan’s afraid that the Queen will try to kill her but Harry tipped Meghan off that the pellet with the poison is in the flagon with the dragon or the chalice from the palace, and the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true. (Thanks to Danny Kaye and the classic movie “The Court Jester”!)

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Meanwhile, Elton John is denying reports that Harry & Meghan told him their plans BEFORE they told the Queen.

- But it explains why when Harry told his Grandmother that Meghan would be on the phone from Canada during the meeting, the Queen said, “How nice. The Bitch is Back”.

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Charmin unveiled a robot at the Computer Electronics Show that will bring you a new roll of toilet paper if you run out while you’re on the bowl. 

- They say this new robot could wipe out the need to keep an extra roll on the handle of your plunger.

- This is the biggest announcement involving the Throne since Harry & Meghan decided to hand in their scepters.

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Palace insiders say the Queen Elizabeth is afraid that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will give an explosive, tell-all interview about 'sexism and racism' in the royal family to their friend Oprah Winfrey.

- I’m thinking Harry and Meghan are just sucking up to Oprah cause they could really use a NEW CAR!
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick