Queen Elizabeth is said to be FURIOUS after finding out that Prince Harry and his wife Meghan Markle are “quitting” their positions as Senior Royals and moving to Canada… on a “Breaking News” announcement on TV.

- There hasn’t been someone this uncomfortable on the Throne since Elvis ate too many Peanut Butter and ‘Nana Sandwiches.

*****

Insiders say Prince William was “Incandescent with rage” that Harry told him about his plans just 10 MINUTES before he told the press.

- I miss the good old days when the most controversial thing Harry did was get drunk and dress up like a Nazi.

*****

It’s Richard Nixon’s Birthday! The 37th President would have turned 107 today.

- If he were alive today, he’d bake himself a birthday cake. Then again, we all remember him telling us, “I’m not a Cook!”

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Taco Bell has posted job opening for “Restaurant Managers” with a starting salary of $100,000 a year.

- They’ll also get a company car and Taco Bell will provide the GAS.

*****

Producers on “The View” say that none of the other hosts are speaking to Megan McCain during commercial breaks and after the show is over.

- If only we could get them to stop speaking to each other while the show is ON.

*****

Leo DiCaprio is being hailed as a hero for rescuing a man who had fallen off a cruise ship and had been lost in shark infested waters for 11 hours.

- Leo says he’s no hero, that he just did “What anyone would do”. Except for Kate Winslet who wouldn’t even move over so he could share that floating door with her in “Titanic”.

*****

The San Francisco 49’s now have the NFL’s first Emotional Support Dog - A French Bulldog named “Zoe” who helps the players Destress before big games.

- The 49’s only lost 3 games this year. The Lions only WON 3. At this point the Lions need an Emotional Support ZOO.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick