President Trump and Joe Biden will square off in the final debate tonight… with a “Mute” button to keep them from talking during each others allotted time.

- Plus they’ll have a guy come out every couple of minutes to measure the length of their noses.

*****

This morning, Hunter Biden’s business partner said that Joe DID KNOW of his son’s business dealings with Ukraine and China.

- No comment from Joe… Must be “Ancient Chinese Secret”.

*****

Former President Obama is campaigning for Joe Biden.

- He told the crowd, “If you aren’t Happy with your Current President… You Don’t Have to Keep Your Current President”.

*****

The 2016 deposition of Jeffery Epstein's former girlfriend and alleged accomplice Ghislaine Maxwell has now been unsealed and is said to contain 400 pages of detail on her sex life.

- Jeffrey Toobin says he can’t wait to get his hands on it.

- If CNN fires him, Toobin can always get a job on “60 Seconds”.

*****

Dr. Anthony Fauci responded to President Trump’s criticisms of him by quoting “The Godfather,” saying the attacks were, “Nothing personal, strictly business.”

- Maybe… but if I was Fauci, I’d be careful if Trump asks him to go on a ride in a rowboat.

*****

A study from Scientists at the University of Amsterdam discovered a “mystery set” of Salivary Glands inside the human head that have been completely undetected for centuries.

- Finally! An explanation for the puddle of drool that ends up on your pillow in the morning.

*****

Tokyo has opened a Pornography Theme Park where real life porn stars serve the Park Guests.

- You don’t wanna know what they measure to make sure you’re “tall enough” to ride the roller coaster.

*****

69 year old Phil Collins is trying to take back control of his $33 MILLION Miami mansion after his 46 year old ex- wife moved in with her new husband, hired bodyguards and changed all the locks.

- Somebody’s about to get Sued Sued Sued-io.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick