President Joe Biden warned his staff about a sure fire way to lose their jobs, saying “If I hear you treat another colleague with disrespect - or talk down to them - I will fire you on the spot”.
- So now apparently we’ve gone from 4 years of “Jerry Springer” to “Mr. Biden’s Neighborhood”?
- Then Joe put on a cardigan and read a story to everyone.
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Bill Clinton appeared to be nodding off during Wednesday’s inauguration ceremony.
- You’d fall asleep too if you’d been up all night listening to Hillary screaming “IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!!!”
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VP Kamala Harris, Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama all wore Purple for the inauguration yesterday which some say symbolized the “mixing of Red and Blue America”.
- That… and the fact that dark colors are slimming.
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Just hours after Prez Trump commuted his sentence, Kwame Kilpatrick was out of prison and back home having dinner with his family last night.
- But since he still owes almost $5 MILLION in restitution, chances are he didn’t pay for the Pizza.
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A South Carolina couple was arrested for filming themselves having sex on a Ferris Wheel.
- On her way to jail, the woman said “The Ferris Wheel thing was fun”… but not as fun as “Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride”.
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“Saint Maud” is being called the first “must-see” horror movie of 2021. It tells the story of a possessed woman who believes God is telling her to do terrible things.
- But enough about Joy Behar.
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People with binoculars were able to catch a glimpse of Uranus last night.
- But Astronomers said you still don’t need binoculars to see Kim Kardashian’s Moon.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!
-Dick
President Trump reportedly DID leave a note in the Oval Office desk drawer for Joe Biden despite predictions that he would break with the long standing tradition among Presidents.
- Who could forget the note Bill Clinton accidentally left for George W. Bush? As I recall, it started… “Dear George, I DID NOT have sex with that woman… Miss Lewisky…”
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New York Times editor Lauren Wolfe was ridiculed on social media Tuesday for hyping the arrival of President-elect Joe Biden in D.C. yesterday Tweeting, “Biden landing in Washington… I have chills”.
- I don’t mean to throw a wet blanket on her, but shouldn’t somebody tell her “Chills” are one of the symptoms of COVID?
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President Trump pardoned and/or commuted the sentences of 143 people last night… Among them, our own Kwame Kilpatrick.
- Explain to me how “Making Kwame Free Again” jibes with “Making America Great Again”???
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Vladimir Putin was photographed in nothing but swim trunks immersing in icy water as part of an Orthodox Christian ritual to mark the feast of Epiphany.
- Vlad loves to be photographed half-naked. He’s basically the Kim Kardashian of Communists.
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Speaking of the that.. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have stopped going to marriage counseling.
- Kanye reportedly said to Kim, “Don’t let the door hit you on the butt on your way out”. Or maybe it was the other way around.
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Gwyneth Paltrow’s $75 “Vagina Scented” candle reportedly exploded inside a British woman’s home.
- Better in her HOME than someplace ELSE!!
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
Researchers at Oxford University found that there is no limit to the benefits of exercise to the heart, so the more active you are the longer you’ll live.
- In a related story, Kamala Harris just stole Joe Biden’s exercise bike and hid it in the White House basement.
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A new study found that driving past more fast-food restaurants on the way to school will not impact a child’s weight. Now, stopping at them is another story…
- All we have to do to find out if the study is accurate is to OPEN THE SCHOOLS.
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“Saint Maud” is being called the first “must-see” horror movie of 2021. It tells the story of a possessed woman who believes God is telling her to do terrible things.
- But enough about Joy Behar.
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Rapper “A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie” is being accused of clogging all the toilets at the New Jersey Mansion he was renting.
- What Boogie needs is “A Plumber Wit a Number”.
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Joe Biden will be sworn in as the 46th President of the United States today at 12:00 noon. when he places his hand on Abraham Lincoln’s Bible.
- That Bible has special meaning for Joe… Turns out he went to grammar school with Mary Todd and is actually the one who introduced her to Abe at a Square Dance.
Lady Gaga will sing the National Anthem at Biden’s scaled-down Inauguration.
- She wasn’t Joe first choice but someone had to break the news to him that alive anymore.
Joe Biden says that on his first day in office he’ll reverse the President's travel ban from certain Muslim majority nations and rejoin the Paris Climate Change Accord.
- And then he’s gonna take a nap.
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Happy Birthday to Dolly Parton!!!
- Dolly turns the BIG 75.. Double D… today!!!
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Meanwhile… Betty’s White’s friends threw her a party on Sunday to celebrate her 99th Birthday.
- According to party-goers, things really got out of hand when Betty spiked the Champagne Fountain with Ensure.
- They’re even making a movie about it… “Golden Girl Gone Wild”.
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Researchers believe that a prehistoric Pig painting discovered in Indonesia is the world's oldest depiction of an animal painted 45,000 years ago.
- But you gotta admit the BEST animal painting EVER is still the Five Dogs Playing Poker.
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Legendary music producer Phil Spector, who lent his “Wall of Sound” to groups including the Ronettes, the Righteous Brothers and the Beatles, died of COVID over the weekend while serving a life sentence for shooting a woman to death back in 2003. Over his career, he produced 5 #1 singles and 19 Top Ten Hits.
- And then there was that one that was “Number 7 With a Bullet”. (An old Music Radio term for a song that was moving quickly up the charts).
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UPDATE… The 35 year old Russian woman who divorced her 45 year old husband and then married her 21-year old Stepson who she had raised since he was 7 that we told you about last week… GAVE BIRTH TO A BOUNCING BABY GIRL OVER THE WEEKEND!!! Congratulations all around!!
- Just when you thought the world was spinning out of control… a heart warming story like this drops in our laps!
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
After a 4 year hiatus, controversial YouTuber “Pewdie Pie” is making a comeback to social media to the delight of his 108 MILLION followers.
- Well… 108 MILLION and ONE if you count me.
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MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell says that because of his support of President Trump, Kohl’s and Bed Bath & Beyond have stopped carrying MyPillow products.
- The CEO’s said they didn’t make the decision lightly… the “Slept on it”.
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Pamela Anderson told Piers Morgan during an interview that “Vegans Make Better Lovers”.
- According to Pam, there’s nothing more romantic than cozying up with a guy who just downed a can of Baked Beans with a side of Brussel Sprouts.
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On this day in 2013 Lance Armstrong admitted to doping in all seven of his Tour de France victories.
- Sure it’s old news… but I thought it was worth Re-Cycling.
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Hacker’s took control of a Smartphone App that controls “Chastity Cages” and demanded ransom before releasing their “hostages” from the metal device that “Snaps Closed” around a man’s private parts.
- Am I the only guy who got halfway through that sentence before crossing my legs?
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The Feds have reached a settlement with a Fertility-Tracking App that was informing Facebook when it’s users were Ovulating.
- So… The President of the United States isn’t allowed on Facebook but Mark Zuckerberg gets to know when your wife is fertile?? Am I missing something here??
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The CIA has released all of its documents on “Unidentified Aerial Phenomena” - in other words - UFO’s -and you can read the reports online.
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A new study found that coffee drinkers are less likely to develop prostate cancer.
- Especially if they’re women.
And the question is how are we going to really almost deprogram these people who have signed up for the cult of Trump."
Clinton lost to Trump in 2016 and said it is clear that Trump has a disdain for democracy, but its true depths may never be known. She said the president had "other agendas" while in the White House and hopes that one day it becomes known who exactly the president was "beholden to" and "who pulls his strings."
"I would love to see his phone records to see if he was talking to Putin the day the insurgents invaded our Capitol," she said. She asked Pelosi if she believed the country would benefit from a 9/11-commission-type probe to investigate what exactly led up to the deadly riot.
Pelosi said she is in favor of such a commission and she recalled telling the president that, "With you, Mr. President, all roads lead to Putin."
"I don’t know what Putin has on him politically, financially or personally, but what happened last week was a gift to Putin because Putin wants to undermine democracy in our country and throughout the world," Pelosi said. She said those that took part in the riot were "Putin’s puppets."
In 2018, Fair Haven residents elected Lincoln the goat as its honorary mayor. Lincoln helped raise about $10,000 while the current mayor, Murfee, a Cavalier King Charles spaniel, has raised $20,000, Town Manager Joe Gunter told the Rutland Herald. The town chipped in another $20,000.
Starbucks is expected to commit employees to help optimize vaccination sites, with a focus on patient experience, the company said. They will also help with scalable solutions for equitable access and expanding site selection across 39 counties and 29 tribal nations. The governor of Washington State.
An Arkansas woman lost her job at a Taco Bell Drive-Thru when a customer complained that he’d seen her in Internet Porn.
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General Motors unveiled a Flying Car Concept at the Consumer’s Electronic Show in Vegas.
- Sure it would be Cool to have a “Flying Car”… but GM’s new logo is still Sucks.
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To make a point at yesterday’s Impeachment vote, Nancy Pelosi wore the SAME BLACK DRESS that she wore to Trump’s first impeachment a year ago.
- I don’t know much about women’s fashion… but that sounds like a BIG NO-NO to me.
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Which reminds me… Yesterday, since I’ve been known to forget my mask when I go out, I bought myself one of those colorful Neck Gaiters that you can just pull up over your nose and mouth. So now I’m not just medically smart… I’m fashionably cool.
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A 35 year old Russian woman who divorced her 45 year old HUSBAND to marry HIS 21 year old SON - her STEPSON - whom she has been raising since he was SEVEN is now PREGNANT with HIS child.
- Call me crazy but I think I once saw this on an episode of “The Waltons”.
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A husband and wife in Quebec tried to get around the City’s COVID curfew rules by putting a leash on the husband and telling cops that she was “Walking her Dog”.
- But Police Fined her… because she didn’t bring along a plastic baggie.
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An employment study found that due to the Pandemic, more and more cash-strapped people are selling naked pictures of themselves online to make ends meet.
- Speaking of “Making Ends Meet”… Yesterday, Kim Kardashian and her sister Khloe accidentally bumped into each other even though they were standing 6 feet apart.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!
-Dick
It’s “National Make Your Dream Come True Day”!
- And nobody is celebrating harder than Nancy Pelosi.
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As I write this, Congress is debating the Impeachment of President Trump. If passed, Trump will become the 1st Prez in U.S. History to be Impeached TWICE.
- Trump responded, “I’m an even greater President than LINCOLN! He couldn’t even get Impeached ONCE!!”
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Mexico City opened its restaurants yesterday in defiance of Coronavirus Lockdowns.
- In their defense, it WAS Taco Tuesday!!!
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A U.S. Customs and Border Protection Dog sniffed out 88 pounds of “Prohibited Sausage” in a suitcase at Newark Airport in New Jersey.
- This is the biggest “Prohibited Sausage” story since Anthony Weiner got sent to prison for Sexting a 15 year old girl.
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Madonna is being criticized for visiting five countries in the past three weeks despite strict travel restrictions around the World.
- I’m pretty sure COVID doesn’t even make the “Top Ten List” of the diseases she’s capable of spreading.
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On this day in 1962 Chubby Checker's song “The Twist” that inspired the dance craze shot up to #1 on the charts for the second time in two years.
- In those days, parents were up in arms over the DANCE. Now in today’s PC Non-Fat-Shaming World, people are up in arms that Checker was called “Chubby”.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
EARLY FOR TOMORROW (WED)
Has California brought out a new side of Prince Harry? (PAGE SIX)
During a recent virtual visit to “The Late Late Show with James Corden,” Montecito resident Rob Lowe said he believes he spotted the Duke of Sussex, 36, driving around their shared neighborhood with a brand-new ponytail.
“He lives about a mile from me. He’s been very reclusive; seeing him in the neighborhood is like seeing the Loch Ness Monster,” Lowe, 56, told Corden.
“I may have a scoop,” he went on. “It was very, very quick — don’t totally quote me on it — but it looked like he was wearing a ponytail. It looked to me, as a casual observer, that his hair had grown very long, and his hair was pulled back tightly by what I could only assume was a ponytail.”
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A study by the American Psychological Association found that the majority of Americans would not want to to know their “Fate”.
- With everything going on in this Country, I’m not sure I even want to know what’s going to happen THIS AFTERNOON.
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Disneyland in California is giving out COVID Vaccines.
- Cinderella and Prince Charming rolled up their sleeves and got it in their arms but Donald Duck insisted he get his shot in the Butt since he wasn’t wearing any pants.
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Meanwhile… Martha Stewart posted a picture of herself on Social Media getting her Covid Vaccine Shot.
- She had the nurse sterilize her arm with a 30,000 count Egyptian Cotton Ball soaked in Lavender-Infused Alcohol and after the shot - applied a Hand-Knit Cashmere Band-Aid.
- Vaccines are “A Good Thing!”
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HBO Max has confirmed plans to do a revival of “Sex And The City”… with the ladies now in their 50’s.
- In the original show they were looking for “Hot Men”… now they’ve just got Hot FLASHES from Men-OPAUSE.
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Prince Harry and Meghan Markle announced that due to “all the negativity”… they’ve “Quit social media for good”.
- For more details, they ask you to follow them on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
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Alabama won last night’s National College Football Championship game beating Ohio State 52 - 24.
- You might say Ohio State got Liquidated.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
So…. Due to Internet Issues, we were off for most of last week. Did we miss anything??
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In all seriousness, I apologize for missing the big news - an event that rocked this country to it’s very foundation… KIM and KANYE ARE GETTING DIVORCED!?
Speaking of that… Kim and Kanye are dividing up their Assets.
- May I suggest that Kim gets the “Ass” and Kanye gets the “ets”?
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In a related story… it was on this date in 1787 that the “Moons of Uranus” were seen for the first time.
- Speaking of that… I thought I was watching a documentary about Uranus this weekend… but it turns out I was actually watching all the political events out of D.C.
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GM is being widely mocked for it’s new logo - the first change since 1964 - featuring light blue lower case letters that many are comparing to a Kindergarten art project.
- I’ll admit I didn’t really care for it at first, but after I ate some paste and downed a juice box… it started to make sense.
- This is what happens when your Graphic Designers are forced to work from home while their kids are home schooling.
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According to a new study, women can reduce their risk of depression by eating more beans.
- I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but I’ve been a big fan of beans for years.
- The article was titled: “Eating Beans, Beans… Whether Campbell’s or Bushes - Will have Women Whistling a Happy Tune… right from their Tushes!”
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Over the weekend, customers at a McDonalds Drive Thru in New Jersey were attacked by a flock of angry Chickens.
- Is EVERYBODY in this country Angry these days?? Even the CHICKENS??
- The Chickens were arrested by the Cops, taken to the Police Station and Grilled.
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According to a British researcher… Merely THINKING about exercise can get the same results as ACTUALLY excercising your muscles.
- NIKE is considering changing it’s slogan to “Just Think It”.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!
-Dick
Democrat Rep. Emanuel Cleaver delivered the opening prayer for the 117th Congress on Sunday - and altered the traditional ending of "Amen" by saying "Amen and Awoman". (TRUE!)
- If this guy really thinks “Amen” is a gender-specific term… this Country hasn’t got a Prayer.
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Despite two vaccines being approved, the Nation continues to be way behind in scheduled delivery of the COVID vaccine.
- Why don’t they put the Vaccine on Amazon?? That way we’d all get it in 2 Days and if we liked it… they’d even suggest other Vaccine’s we might be interested in.
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A U.S. National Security Advisor says there’s even more evidence that the Virus came from that Chinese Lab in Wuhan.
- Apparently they’ve found incriminating emails that describe the Virus as “Extremely contagious and topped with Chef’s Special Sauce”.
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A new study finds that your emotions will change depending on what kind of music you’re listening to.
- For instance, if you listen to Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy” you’ll feel hopeful, and if you listen to Hip Hop you’ll have a sudden desire to wear your pants half way down your butt.
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Thousands of people partied without masks on Florida’s beaches over the weekend as Coronavirus cases continued to soar in their state.
- They may end up in the hospital, but hey, they’re gonna have terrific tan lines!
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87-year-old Larry King continues to battle the Coronavirus in a Los Angeles Hospital.
- Larry’s a real fighter. So far he’s survived Cancer, a heart attack and 8 divorces.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!
-Dick
It’s Beginning To Look a Lot Like Christmas! I had a few hours on my hand yesterday so I baked up some Gingerbread and made myself a little house……. NOT. Actually Jackie and her family made it - complete with an ice cream cone tree, a lollipop lamppost and powdered sugar snow. (Doesn’t she know Sugar is bad for you?? I would have used Equal or Splenda).
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The Sun reports that Prince William and Kate Middleton shipped their Christmas presents to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle too late to make it in time for Christmas.
- So Harry and Meghan are gonna have to wait til New Year’s to use their
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Nepali airline Buddha Air made a blunder recently when it flew passengers to the wrong airport.
-
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An L.A. County Sheriff's deputy allegedly did the “Horizontal Mambo” with an unidentified woman on the Universal Studios lot and accidentally broadcast the event over his Police Radio.
- He claims he was just following L.A.’s “Stop and Get Frisky” policy.
- The woman said it would have been more appropriate if it had happened at Disneyland’s “It’s a Small World After All”.
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Kim Kardashian announced that she is giving away $500 to 1000 of her fans to help with the Holidays.
- It IS the Most Wonderful Time of the Rear… uh, I mean YEAR.
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Researchers from Ben-Gurion University in Israel say face masks are lowering the brain’s ability to properly recognize people’s faces.
- This is news?? Isn’t this why Bank Robbers have been wearing masks FOREVER??
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KFC has launched a new Video Games Console shaped like a bucket of Chicken that comes with a built-in "Chicken Chamber" to keep your snacks warm.
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The science driving the $30 billion dollar sex robot industry is evolving so quickly that robots are capable of “feeling” and will soon be able to consent to sex.
- But only if you take it out to dinner first. I’M KIDDING!
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President Trump officially pardoned 15 people yesterday… but Kwame Kilpatrick wasn’t on the list.
- Kwame was upset but went right back to rehersal for the Prison’s Christmas Pageant. His cellmate is playing a Sheep and Kwame is playing an Ass.
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France closed its borders to arrivals from the U.K. to stem the spread of a new strain of the Coronavirus circulating in London.
- So if you want to go to France, you’ll have to fly to Berlin and march in like the Germans do.
- Why couldn’t we have put this kind of rule in place before Harry and Meghan jetted over?
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The director of “The Exorcist” shut down rumors that he’s attached to a remake of the horror classic.
- He said he’d heard so many rumors his head was spinning.
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A mall Santa upset a little boy who said he wanted a toy Nerf Gun for Christmas by telling him Santa doesn’t deliver guns of any kind.
- Santa has gotten all PC ever since Dancer and Vixen accused him of texting them “Naughty” pictures of himself.
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A new study advises that people should take their blood pressure IN BOTH ARMS… and that a difference in readings between the two could mean you have heart disease. Meanwhile, ANOTHER study found that the sound of an airplane overhead increases your chances of having a heart attack.
- And a THIRD study found that reading about all these heart attack studies can GIVE you a heart attack.
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McDonalds restaurants in China will debut a “Spam Burger” this week featuring grilled Spam topped with Crushed Oreos.
- MMM…mmm!!!
- It’s historic… This is the first time in history people that will eat Chinese Food and NOT want more of it an hour later.
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Just two weeks after it was announced China was developing biologically enhanced super soldiers, France has joined the fray in creating terminator troops that can be “Bred to Kill.”
- Instead of using bullets, the French Troops throw Croissants at the enemy and wait for the butter to clog their arteries.
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After a brief chase, deputies apprehended a man accused of not wearing pants at the “Next Door Food Store” in Tallmadge Township here in Michigan.
- Police were originally called because the Cashier mistakenly thought he he had THIRTEEN items in the “12 Items or Less” check out lane.
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During this week in 1909, he first Junior High School opened in Berkeley, California.
- And the very next day a 13 year old boy became the first kid in history to get a “Swirlie”.
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After a brief chase, deputies apprehended a man accused of not wearing pants at the “Next Door Food Store” in Tallmadge Township here in Michigan.
- Police were originally called because the Cashier mistakenly thought he he had THIRTEEN items in the “12 Items or Less” check out lane.
Today marks the 50th Anniversary of the White House meeting between President Nixon and Elvis Presley.
- The technical name for the meeting is the “Crook ‘n Shook”.
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The shift to working from home has seen a massive rise in demand for casual wear – with sales of sweatpants and espresso machines way up… and alarm clocks and high heels way down.
- Is it just me or does “Alarm Clocks and High Heels” sound like a country song?
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Dr. Anthony Fauci made an appearance on CNN’s “Sesame Street ABC’s of COVID-19 Town Hall” and told children that “Santa Claus is good to go!” after getting vaccinated.
- That’s all well and good but how is he going to know where to fly if Rudoph’s nose is covered by his mask??
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Tonight… December 21… Jupiter and Saturn will appear so closely aligned in our sky that they will look like a double planet dubbed “The Christmas Star” - an event that hasn’t happened since the 1200’s.
- And if you want to check out a “Super Moon”… just go to Kim Kardashian’s Instagram account.
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Today marks the 50th Anniversary of the White House meeting between President Nixon and Elvis Presley.
- The technical name for the meeting is the “Crook ‘n Shook”.
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A new study advises that people should take their blood pressure IN BOTH ARMS… and that a difference in readings between the two could mean you have heart disease.
-
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Former CIA boss John Brennan says it's 'presumptuous and arrogant' to think humans are alone in the universe as he talks about recently declassified UFO videos
The shift to working from home has seen a massive rise in demand for casual wear – with sales of sweatpants and espresso machines way up… and alarm clocks and high heels way down.
- Is it just me or does “Alarm Clocks and High Heels” sound like a country song?
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A new survey finds the average person sets a goal to eat healthier FOUR TIMES each month – and follows through with NONE of them.
- Hey… Baby steps people, Baby steps!
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The Government of Panama announced that men and women will only be allowed to shop on separate days to stop the spread of the Virus.
- If only they had a way to keep people apart… like say a Canal.
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Actor George Takei, best known for his role in "Star Trek," is under fire for a tweet implying that he wanted Sen. Marco Rubio to have an allergic reaction to the virus.
- Takei apologized and said he wants Rubio to “Live Long and Prosper”.
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A recent study found that 84% of Americans say they really miss traveling this year.
- And 60% of those people say they’ve given their partner an “Invasive Pat Down” to recreate the Airline experience.
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Apple is temporarily closing all stores in California amid an ongoing surge of COVID-19 cases in the state.
- It’s part of their “Stay Away From Apple for A Day… Keeps The Doctor Away” Program.
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McDonalds restaurants in China will debut a “Spam Burger” this week featuring grilled Spam topped with Crushed Oreos.
- It’s historic… This is the first time in history people will eat Chinese Food and NOT want more of it an hour later.
*****
Just two weeks after it was announced China was developing biologically enhanced super soldiers, France has joined the fray in creating terminator troops that can be “Bred to Kill.”
- And by “Bred to Kill” they mean “Programmed to Surrender”.
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On this day in 1620 the Pilgrims disembarked from the Mayflower and came ashore at Plymouth Rock in Massachusetts.
- Wait… you mean they landed AFTER Thanksgiving??
And on this day in 1909, he first Junior High School opened in Berkeley, California.
- And the very next day a 13 year old boy became the first kid in history to get a “Swirlie”.
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On this day in 1872 Phileas Fogg completed his round the world trip in 80 days, in Jules Verne's “Around the World in Eighty Days”.
I'll be home for Christmas
You can plan on me
Please have some snow and mistletoe
And presents by the tree
Christmas eve will find me
Where the love light gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams
Panama will next week reimpose nationwide curbs on movement by requiring men and women to carry out festive shopping on different days, the health minister said on Friday, imposing drastic measures following a surge in coronavirus cases.
he wide-ranging faculty demands include:
Hiring 12 full-time diversity officers, and multiple psychologists to support students “coping with race-based traumatic stress.”
Assigning a staffer dedicated to black students who have “complaints or face disciplinary action,” and a full-time advocate to help black kids “navigate a predominantly white institution.”
Paying the student debt of black staffers upon hiring them.
Requiring courses that focus on “Black liberation” and “challenges to white supremacy.”
Compensating any student of color who appears in Dalton promotional material.
Abolishing high-level academic courses by 2023 if the performance of black students is not on par with non-blacks.
Requiring “anti-racism” statements from all staffers.
Overhauling the entire curriculum, reading lists and student plays to reflect diversity and social justice themes.
Divesting from companies that “criminalize or dehumanize” black people, including private prisons and tech firms that manufacture police equipment or weapons.
Donating 50 percent of all fundraising dollars to NYC public schools if Dalton is not representative of the city in terms of gender, race, socioeconomic background, and immigration status by 2025.
PANAMA CITY, Dec 18 (Reuters) - Panama will next week reimpose nationwide curbs on movement by requiring men and women to carry out festive shopping on different days, the health minister said on Friday, imposing drastic measures following a surge in coronavirus cases.
The restrictions are similar to what the Central American nation imposed in worst-hit parts of the country in June.
"As of Monday 21, with the aim of reducing mobility, purchases will be made by gender," Luis Sucre, the Minister of Health, said in a televised message.
On Christmas and New Year's Day there will be total quarantine for both genders.
There have been zero links to coronavirus spread across any of Waffle House’s 2,100 U.S. locations, according to the breakfast chain’s CEO Walter Ehmer.
Since the science doesn’t match up with how state officials are responding, by closing dining rooms and restricting restaurants, Ehmer told Fox News' “America’s News HQ” that the American people are just being unnecessarily harmed.
“We have proven, over these nine months, we have zero evidence of any spread being traced back to our restaurants for our people or our customers,” he said. “We’ve traced back all of our infections… and it all traces back to something away from the restaurant.”
The two largest planets in the solar system, Jupiter and Saturn, will do something later this month not seen since the Middle Ages: forming what looks like a double planet. This celestial event has been dubbed the "Christmas star."
The rare occurrence will happen after sunset on Dec. 21, 2020, the start of the winter solstice.
JUPITER, SATURN SPOTTED OVER LEGENDARY BRONZE AGE STRUCTURE
"Alignments between these two planets are rather rare, occurring once every 20 years or so, but this conjunction is exceptionally rare because of how close the planets will appear to one another," said Rice University astronomer Patrick Hartigan in a statement. "You’d have to go all the way back to just before dawn on March 4, 1226, to see a closer alignment between these objects visible in the night sky."
According to the decorating gurus who champion this trend, hanging your lights vertically — instead of wrapping them around the tree horizontally — not only saves you from having to waste too many lights on the back of the tree, but it also allows the bulbs to sit closer to the tips of the branches for maximum sparkle.
I think it is clear that santa is a conservative. He never says "Happy Holidays". He says "Merry Christmas" no matter who it offends. He takes no public funds for his operation. Santa operates a huge factory right at the polar ice caps with no environmental concerns. He passes out gifts based on merit. His "naughty or nice" list shows that he has an objective moral compass and none of that liberal relativism. He uses endangered species, flying reindeer, to do his work obviously ticking off the PETA crowd. He loves cookies and his big belly shows he had no regard for Michelle Obama's healthy eating program. Have a merry Christmas
Cloffice. Office/closet people are using for working at home.
Dr Deborah Birx ignored her own Thanksgiving advice traveling to her Delaware vacation home with three generations of her family from two different households. The coordinator of the White House coronavirus response was accompanied by her husband Paige Reffe, one of her daughters, son-in-law and two grandchildren for the Black Friday trip. She had warned Americans to 'be vigilant' and limit celebrations to 'your immediate household.' But Dr Birx, 64,
SAVE FOR THURSDAY!
A survey found that the most popular workout songs of all time are “We Will Rock You,” “Eye Of The Tiger,” and “Welcome To The Jungle.”
I used to listen to the “Hokey Pokey” while I was on the treadmill but I kept falling off.
A 90-year-old grandmother became the first person to get the COVID-19 vaccine in Britain on Tuesday.
Grandma said the shot “hurt a bit” but wasn’t nearly as painful as “Getting run over by a Reindeer:
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Amazon’s new health-tracking bracelet - the “Halo” - comes with a microphone and an app that tells you if you haven’t exercised enough - and if thinks you’re too fat, if shows you a 3-D rendering of your near-naked body.
- Michael Moore tried to order one… but turns out it doesn’t come in a Wide-Screen format.
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The device even listens to your voice and will tell you if your tone is “Overbearing” or if you sound “Irritated”.
- We had a similar device when I was growing up… We called it “Mom and Dad”.
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Ivanka Trump and her husband Jared Kushner have bought a $30 million plot of land on a high security Miami island known as “Billionaire’s Bunker.”
- $30 MILLION is a lot… but doesn’t every couple need a Starter Mansion??
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The internet went crazy after Miley Cyrus posed topless in the latest issue of Rolling Stone.
- This is the first time Miley has been photographed naked… Since last Wednesday.
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The Main Stream Media are finally reporting that the FBI is investigating Joe’s son Hunter Biden over alleged money laundering and his ties to China after cops seized his laptop.
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According to a new survey, since the Pandemic started, the average American washes their hands 10 times per day and uses hand sanitizer an additional eight times every day.
- At this point, the only American’s hands who aren’t clean is Hunter Biden.
PornHub is taking down all videos on its site that feature actors who are under 18.
- And just like that, Prince Andrew’s Christmas is ruined.
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According to a new report… 1 in 5 Americans are eating three or more cookies per day during the Pandemic.
- TIP: Eat “Healthy” cookies like I do… Oatmeal with RAISINS!
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A gigantic Goldfish - weighing EIGHT POUNDS was found in a lake in South Carolina.
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Vladimir Putin 'has secretly moved to his summer home to avoid catching Covid and had an exact replica of his office built so Russians still believe he is in Moscow.
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The FDA is warning people with severe food allergies not to take Pfizer’s Coronavirus vaccine after several patients suffered a reaction to it in the UK.
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Researchers at the University of Copenhagen say there is no way to cut the perfect Christmas cookie and not even a computer can figure it out.
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Kelly Ann Conway has landed a multimillion dollar deal to write a tell all book about her time as the President's closest White House advisor.
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Investment giant Goldman Sachs is planning to move its $8 billion dollar asset management arm from New York to Florida.
- They’re going from “The City That Never Sleeps” or “The City That Never Sleeps Because It’s Up All Night With a Bad Hip”.
Israel’s former Space Security Chief says there ARE Aliens and that mankind has made contact with them, but they’re refraining from announcing it officially because “Humanity is not ready”.
- I don’t know about Humanity, but I’M not ready.
- The closest I’ve come to seeing an Alien is
- Note: I said FORMER Space Security Chief.
- If it’s true, it’s a Small Step for Mankind… But a Giant Leap for Little Green Men.
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Axios reported that a Chinese national named Fang Fang or Christine Fang targeted up-and-coming local politicians, including Swalwell. Fang reportedly helped fundraise for Swalwell's 2014 campaign and helped place at least one intern in his office.
In fact, a former intelligence official told Fox News the Chinese for years have sent spies to “sleep with lesser-known members of Congress and staffers.”
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The Chinese Civil Aviation Administration wants Flight Attendants to keep from getting COVID… by wearing Adult Diapers whenever they fly.
- Finally! They can stop using the Overhead Bins.
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After a brief chase, deputies apprehended a man accused of not wearing pants at the “Next Door Food Store” in Tallmadge Township here in Michigan.
- Police were originally called because the Cashier mistakenly thought he he had THIRTEEN items in the “12 Items or Less” check out lane.
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Queen Elizabeth’s granddaughter Zara Tindall is pregnant with her third child.
- The Queen already has 8 Great Grandkids and 8 Grandkids… Although, to be honest, she doesn’t think Harry is that “Grand”.
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Russia is dealing with a surge in upstart Media Companies that are running stories critical of Vladimir Putin.
- But there still not covering the Hunter Biden story.
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Workers rioted at a Taiwanese-run iPhone factory over claims they’re being exploited by the company.
- Luckily, the riot happened during Recess and all the workers were back to work after Storytime.
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A Chipotle restaurant on the upper west side of New York is being plagued by hordes of hungry rats who are eating all the food.
- But the jokes on the Rats! They all got food poisoning.
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British Chef Nigella Lawson is being mocked for pronouncing the word microwave as “meekro-wah-vay.”
- That’s Bueel-Shaaaat.
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A married Oregon woman survived a fall into a volcano while she was skiing on Mt. Hood last week.
- Apparently the Volcano spit her out when it realized she wasn’t a Virgin.
IKEA has scrapped its print catalogue, marking the end of its historic 70 year run.
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- Maybe now they can focus on printing something else…. LIKE INSTRUCTIONS… IN ENGLISH.
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MasterCard and Visa are investigating their relationship with PornHub after the adult site was accused of showing graphic videos that broke the law.
- Luckily PornHub has a special deal with Capitol One with a new theme line… “What’s In Your Pocket?”
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Rapper Cardi B tweeted a video that shows her twerking upside down on her boyfriend at his Birthday Party.
- Who among us hasn’t twerked upside down to celebrate a loved one’s birthday??
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A New York City Ambulance Driver says she’s been supplementing her income by selling Nude photos of herself on the internet.
- And for anybody who buys one of her Nude pictures… she throws in a Free High Blood Pressure Pill.
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Lori Loughlin is said to be “Struggling” with prison life… including the fact that she’s only allowed four pair of shoes in her cell.
- Hey… don’t judge her until you’ve walked a mile in her Eight shoes.
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Cops dressed up like Santa and an Elf pulled a gun on a man attempting to steal a car, wrestled him to the ground and arrested him.
- Great. Now we’re gonna hear calls to “Defund the North Pole-ice.
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Police apprehended a man accused of not wearing pants at the “Next Door Food Store” in Tallmadge Township here in Michigan.
- Police were originally called because the Cashier mistakenly thought he he had THIRTEEN items in the “12 Items or Less” check out lane.
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A mall Santa upset a little boy who said he wanted a toy Nerf Gun for Christmas by telling him Santa doesn’t deliver guns of any kind.
- Santa has gotten all PC ever since Dancer and Vixen accused him of texting them “Naughty” pictures of himself.
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Queen Elizabeth’s granddaughter Zara Tindall is pregnant with her third child.
- The Queen already has 8 Great Grandkids and 8 Grandkids… Although, to be honest, she doesn’t think Harry is that “Grand”.
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A group of French Scientists claim they have trained dogs to sniff out COVID-19 on infected humans.
- I love my dog Winnie, but the only thing she can “sniff out” are my old shoes.
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A new study found that people who drink more than six glasses of water a day are happier and more optimistic than people who don’t.
- They also go through a lot more toilet paper. Well…. at least the WOMEN do.
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A six-year-old Connecticut boy racked up $16,000 in charges on his mom’s credit card while playing video games on her iPad.
- This kind of thing never happened when I used to play with my Dad’s Abacus.
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Las Vegas police arrested a man on Saturday who hopped onto the wing of a plane before takeoff at McCarran Airport.
- I usually just request a Window Seat.
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German Chancellor Angela Merkel is tightening lockdown restrictions - including closing Hair Salons again - in an effort to get the Coronavirus under control.
- German’s are said to be furious… and I think we can all agree it’s NEVER a good idea to get the German’s mad.
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RIP… Charlie Pride, one of country music’s first black stars, who passed away on Saturday in Dallas at the age of 86.
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An alligator - rumored to have been the one-time pet of Adoph Hitler - that passed away at the age of 84 in May is going to be stuffed and put on display at a Russian Museum.
- What a Croc.
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The science driving the $30 billion dollar sex robot industry is evolving so quickly that robots are capable of “feeling” and will soon be able to consent to sex.
- But only if you take it out to dinner first. I’M KIDDING!