The picture of Bernie Sanders sitting alone at the Biden Inauguration wearing a pair of sensible mittens has resulted in thousands of photoshopped “Mitten Memes” on the Internet.
- If only Bernie had been around during the OJ Trial it would have been “If the Mitten Ain’t Fittin’… You Must Be Aquittin’…”
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Bernie admitted that he’s having “fun” with the countless “Mitten Memes”.
- This is big news! The last time Bernie admitted to “Having Fun” was when he went to Moscow on his Honeymoon and did shots with Josef Stalin.
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It will be 43 year old Tom Brady and 25 year old Patrick Mahomes in the Super Bowl on Feb. 7.
- Mahomes was in kindergarten when Brady won his 1st SB in 2002 (True!) … So Brady was winning the Super Bowl while Mahomes was having Fruit Loops in his Cereal Bowl.
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Despite ignoring scandals and the FBI investigation into his $$$ with China and Ukraine, the Mainstream Media FINALLY ran a Hunter Biden story Sunday… which was that Hunter had his father stop for bagels on the way back from Church.
- Call me crazy but doesn’t this sound like the beginnings of another Political Schmear Campaign??
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According to a new study, you CAN’T be "fat but fit”… with the European Society of Cardiology saying that physical activity DOES NOTHING to cancel the harmful effects of excess body weight on cardiovascular health.
- Put in layman’s terms… Jogging to the front door to pick up the Pizza you had delivered porch to your ain’t gonna cut it.
- It really doesn’t matter since most American’s gave up their New Year’s Resolution to exercise on January 2nd anyway.
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A rare snowfall blanketed Malibu, California Friday night surprising residents with fine white powder when they woke up Saturday morning.
- Experts blamed on on one of two things: Climate Change or another wild party at Charlie Sheen’s place.
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RIP… Larry King who passed away Saturday at the age of 87.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!
-Dick
The Mainstream Media positively gushed over the New President with CNN’s David Chalian saying the lights on the National Mall’s reflecting pool were like “Extensions of Joe Biden’s arms embracing America”.
- Does that make the Washington Monument like an “Extension of Joe’s nose sniffing a woman’s hair”??
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President Joe Biden warned his staff about a sure fire way to lose their jobs, saying “If I hear you treat another colleague with disrespect - or talk down to them - I will fire you on the spot”.
- So we’ve gone from 4 years of “Jerry Springer” to “Mr. Biden’s Neighborhood”.
- Then Joe put on a cardigan and read a story to everybody.
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President Trump surprised Joe Biden by leaving him a “very generous” note a drawer in the Oval Office desk.
- And Bill Clinton surprised Joe by leaving a “very generous” Intern underneath it.
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Speaking of Bill… The 74 year old former Prez appeared to be nodding off during Wednesday’s inauguration ceremony for President Joe Biden.
- You’d fall asleep too if you’d been up all night listening to Hillary screaming “IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!!!”
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Shortly after President Joe Biden was sworn into office Wednesday, Amazon congratulated him on his Inauguration and offered their extensive resources to help the new administration in its vaccination effort.
- Gosh… what a remarkable coincidence that the idea JUST OCCURRED to Jeff Bezos minutes after Trump left office! We’ve been saying it for a month… but I guess Jeff doesn’t read this blog.
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Vice President Kamala Harris, Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama all stepped out in purple for the inauguration of President Joe Biden on Wednesday in Washington, D.C. - which some say symbolized the “mixing of Red and Blue America”.
- That… and the fact that dark colors are slimming. (Calm down ladies… I’m just kidding!)
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A new study found that turning your computer camera off during work meetings can save the environment.
And if your name is Jeffrey Toobin… it can also save you a lot of embarrassment.
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Three former Presidents - Clinton, Bush and Obama - attended the ceremony.
- Former Presidents not able to make the event were Jimmy Carter and Mr. Belvedere.
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Kwame Kilpatrick was out of prison and back home with his family last night after having his prison sentence slashed by 20 years by outgoing President Trump.
- It’s good news for everybody except Kwame’s cellmate who’d gotta find another date for the Prison’s upcoming Spring Dance.
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Adult Actress Lonna Wells says she was fired from her job at an Arkansas Taco Bell after a customer recognized her from her work in Internet Porn.
- Who among us hasn’t lost a job at some point for our work on the Internet??
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A South Carolina couple was arrested for filming themselves having sex on a Ferris Wheel.
- On her way to jail, the woman said “The Ferris Wheel thing was fun”… but not as fun as riding the“Wild Mouse”.
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People with binoculars were able to catch a glimpse of Uranus last night.
- Those without binoculars were able to look at pictures of Kim Kardashian.
- Astronomers say there’s an easy way to recognize Uranus… It’s the only planet with a crack right down the middle.
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“Saint Maud” is being called the first “must-see” horror movie of 2021. It tells the story of a possessed woman who believes God is telling her to do terrible things.
- But enough about Joy Behar.
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Rapper “A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie” is being accused of clogging all the toilets at the New Jersey Mansion he was renting.
- He’s temporarily going by the name “A Bummer I Got No Plumber”.
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All the dignitaries aside, some say the star of yesterday’s Inauguration was the “bespecklled, masked man of mystery” who wiped down the podium with disinfectant between speeches.
President Trump granted 150 pardons during his final hours in office that included former Advisor Steve Bannon and Rapper Lil Wayne.
Police say a Hellertown woman accused of stealing cigarettes and Mentos from a gas station convenience store tried to flee in an ambulance, but couldn’t drive it. 19-year-old
Investigators say a tip from a convenience store clerk about a stolen donut led them to arrest a man accused of impersonating a police officer. The tip came from a 7-Eleven in Lehi on Sunday. According to an arrest report, police were told that a man wearing a “sheriff’s deputy” jacket had stolen a donut earlier in the day and left in a white Ford truck.
The President departed the White House at 8:00 a.m. and was on the ground in Florida with an hour to go in his Presidency.
In the end, Trump was like a foul-mouthed construction worker who said a lot of crazy things, but built a lot of great stuff too.
Uranus is going to be on view for the world to see tonight. NASA reports the ice giant will be on view January 20 a few hours after sundown. The seventh planet from the Sun shines at the edge of naked-eye visibility, especially in areas with light pollution, so it's notoriously hard to view.But stargazers with a telescope or binoculars should be able to spot it hanging in the night sky between the moon and Mars.
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The Researchers at Yale, MIT, and Purdue found that streaming video from your computer will increase your carbon footprint.
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An Alabama divorce lawyer was accused of masturbating in front of a female client and demanding oral sex.
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Vladimir Putin celebrated the Orthodox Epiphany in Moscow by taking a dip in freezing water.
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Fox News fired longtime political editor Chris Stirewalt after he upset viewers with his election night coverage.
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Vogue Magazine is going to release a new Kamala Harris cover after complaints that the original lightened her skin.
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Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s marriage issues will be featured on the next season of “Keeping Up With The Kardashians.”
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President Trump left the White House this morning… and took his final ride on President to begin his life as a Private Citizen in Palm Beach, Florida.
- Some people are wondering what he’ll do now. I’m wondering what CNN is going to talk about for the next four years.
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President Trump reportedly DID leave a note in the Oval Office for Joe Biden despite predictions that he would break with the long standing tradition among Presidents.
- Who could forget the note Bill Clinton accidentally left for George W. Bush? As I recall, it started… “Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me…”
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New York Times editor Lauren Wolfe was ridiculed on social media Tuesday for hyping the arrival of President-elect Joe Biden in D.C. yesterday Tweeting, “Biden landing at Joint Are Andrews now… I have chills”.
- I don’t mean to throw a blanket on her excitement, but aren’t chills one of the symptoms of COVID?
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Joe Biden will be sworn in as the 46th President of the United States today at 12:00 noon. when he places his hand on Abraham Lincoln’s Bible.
- That Bible has special meaning for Joe… Turns out he went to grammar school with Mary Todd and is actually the one who introduced her to Abe at a Square Dance.
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President Trump pardoned and/or commuted the sentences of 143 people last night… Among them, our own Kwame Kilpatrick - setting him free 20 years early.
- Apparently Trump thinks Kwame is the perfect guy to (Done Did) set him up for a comeback.
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Lady Gaga will sing the National Anthem at Biden’s scaled-down Inauguration.
- She wasn’t Joe first choice but someone had to break the news to him that The McGuire Sisters weren’t alive anymore.
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Vladimir Putin was photographed in nothing but swim trunks immersing in icy water as part of an Orthodox Christian ritual to mark the feast of Epiphany.
- Vlad loves to be photographed half-naked. He’s basically the Kim Kardashian of Communists.
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Researchers at Oxford University found that there is no limit to the benefits of exercise to the heart, so the more active you are the longer you’ll live. True story. You can live forever if you don’t mind spending the whole time on an exercise bike.
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A new study found that driving past more fast-food restaurants on the way to school will not impact a child’s weight. Now, stopping at them is another story…
- All we have to do to find out if the study is accurate is to OPEN THE SCHOOLS.
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A Florida woman who refused to wear a mask wound up getting arrested after she flipped out on the staff at a Bagel Shop.
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Guatemalan troops broke up the massive caravan of migrants who were marching to the United States to make Biden make good on his promise of Open Borders.
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Dominion Software has sent a cease-and-desist order to My Pillow CEO Mike Lindell for accusing them of hacking the election.
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Speaking of the that.. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have stopped going to marriage counseling as their divorce draws near.
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Gwyneth Paltrow’s $75 vagina scented candle reportedly exploded inside a British woman’s home.
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The New York Mets fired General Manager Jared Porter after a report claimed he sent unsolicited photos of his penis to a female reporter in 2016.
- This is why I never send pics of my privates to anyone unless their Solicited.
President Trump is planning to fly out of Washington, D.C. at 8:00 a.m. Wednesday Morning, meanwhile the White House staff is spending the day carrying out the First Couples stuff out to waiting trucks.
- The Trumps had hoped to be out of the White House yesterday… but you know how hard it is to get people to help you move on the weekends.
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Joe Biden says he plans to reverse the President's travel ban from certain Muslim majority nations and rejoin the Paris Climate Change Accord on his first day in office.
- And then he’s gonna take a nap.
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On her Podcast "You and Me Both," Hilary Clinton told Nancy Pelosi that she’d like to see President Trump’s phone records to see if he was “On the phone with Vladimir Putin” during the Capitol riot.
- Trump said he’d email her the phone records… if only she could find her Server.
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Happy Birthday to Dolly Parton who turns The Big 7-5 today!
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Betty White celebrated her 99th Birthday yesterday with a party that insiders say got a bit crazy.
- They’re even making a movie about it… “Golden Girl Gone Wild”.
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Researchers believe that a prehistoric Pig painting discovered in Indonesia is the world's oldest depiction of an animal painted 45,000 years ago.
- But you gotta admit the BEST animal painting EVER is still the Five Dogs Playing Poker.
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A California man with a fear of catching COVID was arrested after living at O'Hare International Airport in Chicago for the past three months.
- He maybe afraid of COVID but apparently he’s not afraid of paying 9 bucks for a hot dog.
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A North Dakota man who was wearing a "Don’t Do Drugs" t-shirt was arrested for possession of methamphetamines.
- Maybe he meant PRESCRIPTION drugs??
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Switzerland is going to hold a direct vote on removing the Government's legal authority to order Lock-downs.
- A poll showed 5% of the Swiss are for Lockdowns, 5% are against ‘em, and - just like in WWII, the majority of the Swiss are Neutral.
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Legendary music producer Phil Spector, who lent his “Wall of Sound” to groups including the Ronettes, the Righteous Brothers and the Beatles, died of COVID over the weekend while serving a 19 year prison term for shooting a woman to death back in 2003. Over his career, he produced 19 Top Ten Hits including 5 #1’s…
- And of course that one Hit “With a Bullet”.
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Controversial YouTuber Pewdie Pie is making a comeback to social media after a four-year hiatus to the delight of his 108 MILLION followers.
- Well… 108 MILLION and ONE if you count me.
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MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell says that because of his support of President Trump, Kohl’s and Bed Bath & Beyond have stopped carrying MyPillow products.
- The CEO’s said they didn’t make the decision lightly… the “Slept on it”. And thanks to their MyPillows… it was the best night sleep they ever had!
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UPDATE ON A STORY WE BROUGHT TO YOU LAST WEEK: The 35 year old Russian weight-loss influencer Marina Balmasheva who married her 21-year old Step-Son after divorcing HIS father, gave birth to her Stepson’s baby on Sunday!
- Just when you thought the world was spinning out of control… a heart warming story like this drops in our lap!
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Pamela Anderson told Piers Morgan during an interview that “Vegans Make Better Lovers”.
- Apparently there’s nothing more romantic than cozying up with a guy who just downed a can of Baked Beans with a side of Brussel Sprouts.
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A group of Cannabis activists in Washington D.C. announced that they’ll hand out FREE WEED at vaccination sites to entice more people to get the Vaccine.
On this day in 2013 Lance Armstrong admitted to doping in all seven of his Tour de France victories.
- Sure it’s old news… but I thought it was worth Re-Cycling.
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Hacker’s took control of a Smartphone App that controls “Chastity Cages” and demanded ransom before releasing their “hostages” from the metal device that “Snaps Closed” around a man’s private parts.
- Am I the only guy who got halfway through that sentence before crossing my legs?
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The Feds have reached a settlement with a Fertility-Tracking App that was informing Facebook when it’s users were Ovulating.
- So… The President of the United States isn’t allowed on Facebook but Mark Zuckerberg gets to know when your wife is fertile?? Am I missing something here??
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The CIA has released all of its documents on “Unidentified Aerial Phenomena” - in other words - UFO’s -and you can read the reports online.
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A new study found that coffee drinkers are less likely to develop prostate cancer.
- Especially if they’re women.
Clinton lost to Trump in 2016 and said it is clear that Trump has a disdain for democracy, but its true depths may never be known. She said the president had "other agendas" while in the White House and hopes that one day it becomes known who exactly the president was "beholden to" and "who pulls his strings."
"I would love to see his phone records to see if he was talking to Putin the day the insurgents invaded our Capitol," she said. She asked Pelosi if she believed the country would benefit from a 9/11-commission-type probe to investigate what exactly led up to the deadly riot.
Pelosi said she is in favor of such a commission and she recalled telling the president that, "With you, Mr. President, all roads lead to Putin."
"I don’t know what Putin has on him politically, financially or personally, but what happened last week was a gift to Putin because Putin wants to undermine democracy in our country and throughout the world," Pelosi said. She said those that took part in the riot were "Putin’s puppets."
In 2018, Fair Haven residents elected Lincoln the goat as its honorary mayor. Lincoln helped raise about $10,000 while the current mayor, Murfee, a Cavalier King Charles spaniel, has raised $20,000, Town Manager Joe Gunter told the Rutland Herald. The town chipped in another $20,000.
Starbucks is expected to commit employees to help optimize vaccination sites, with a focus on patient experience, the company said. They will also help with scalable solutions for equitable access and expanding site selection across 39 counties and 29 tribal nations. The governor of Washington State.
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The Secret Service is launching a massive defensive operation to protect Joe Biden’s Inauguration.
- Why did they announce it?? Doesn’t that blow the whole “Secret” part??
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The United States is going to require negative COVID results for all international travelers arriving here starting next week.
- So if you’re overseas, looking to visit the States and are COVID Positive… Get your butt on a plane today!
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A 35 year old Russian woman who divorced her 45 year old Husband to marry his 21 year old son - her STEPSON - whom she has been raising since he was SEVEN is now pregnant with their child.
- I could be wrong… but I think this same thing happened on an episode of “The Waltons”.
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A husband and wife in Quebec tried to get around the City’s COVID curfew rules by putting a leash on the husband and telling cops that she was “Walking her Dog”.
- Police slapped them with a fine. Not for the “Dog Walking” part… but because she didn’t bring along a plastic baggie - if you catch my drift.
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Hacker’s took control of a Smartphone App that controls “Chastity Cages” and demanded ransom before releasing their “hostages” from the metal device that “Snaps Closed” around a man’s private parts.
- Am I the only guy who got halfway through that sentence before crossing my legs?
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The Feds have reached a settlement with a Fertility-Tracking App that was informing Facebook when it’s users were Ovulating.
- So… The President of the United States isn’t allowed on Facebook but Mark Zuckerberg gets to know when your wife is fertile?? Am I missing something here??
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The CIA has released all of its documents on “Unidentified Aerial Phenomena” - in other words - UFO’s -and you can read the reports online.
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A new study found that coffee drinkers are less likely to develop prostate cancer.
- Especially if they’re women.
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A study by the Ohio State University found that artificial sweeteners do not cause diabetes.
- But playing Football for Ohio State can cause you to lose a National Championship Game BIGTIME.
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The LAPD busted up a “Swinger’s Party” over the weekend that turned out to be a super-spreader event.
- I’m thinking they’re not just talking about COVID here…
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A Florida man has been making headlines by driving his army tank around the suburb of Palmetto Bay.
- I had no idea Micheal Dukakis was living in Florida.
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China’s COVID-19 vaccine has proven to be far less effective than initially touted.
- Like most things made in China… it sounds great… but stops working a week after you get it.
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After 30 years, CNN announced that they will no longer be airing on all the TV’s in Airports.
- And just like that, they lost 95% of their audience.
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A video of a man who went on a foul-mouthed tirade after getting kicked off a flight from Charlotte to Washington, DC has gone viral.
- I miss the good old days when you got to watch a movie on a flight… Now sit at home and watch videos of people on planes.
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“The Real Housewives of Miami” could return with Phil Collins’ ex-wife, Orianne Cevey, in the cast.
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Bruce Willis was asked to leave a Los Angeles Rite Aide on Monday for refusing to wear a mask.
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Rapper Azalea Banks dug up her dead cat Lucifer on Instagram and boiled its bones in an effort to bring it back to life.
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Green Bay Packers QB Aaron Rodgers is going to host an episode of “Jeopardy” while they search for a new host.
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On the eve on a contentious election in UGANDA, Twitter - who silenced the President and dozens of other Conservative voices - announced “We strongly condemn internet shutdowns – they are hugely harmful, violate basic human rights and the principles of the Open Internet”.
- REALLY??
- Finally someone is standing up for Free Speech… In Uganda.
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An employment study found that due to the Pandemic, more and more cash-strapped people are selling naked pictures of themselves online to make ends meet.
- Speaking of “Making ends Meet”… Kim Kardashian and her sister Khloe Kardashian accidentally bumped into each other even though they were standing 6 feet apart.
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The AI-powered collar from Petpuls compares a dog’s bark to a database of more than 10-thousand samples from 50 breeds of canines, big and small.
“With this device we, humans, can understand and communicate better, more accurately, more effectively,” says Andrew Gil, director of global marketing for Petpuls. He adds that when a dog barks, it means the dog has a need.
The South Korean company says its algorithm can determine a dog’s five emotional states: happy, relaxed, anxious, angry, or sad. The more barking data they get, the more accurate the results.
U.S. company Akvelon developed similar technology to translate a cat’s meow.
MeowTalk is an app that helps owners better understand their feline friends.
As I write this, Congress has begun debating the Article of Impeachment against President Trump for what they’re calling “Incitement of Insurrection”.
- If passed, Trump will become the 1st President in U.S. History to be Impeached TWICE.
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On the eve on a contentious election in UGANDA, Twitter - who silenced Trump and dozens of other Conservative voices - Twitter announced ““We strongly condemn internet shutdowns – they are hugely harmful, violate basic human rights and the principles of the Open Internet”.
- REALLY??
- Finally someone is standing up for Free Speech!!! In Uganda!!!
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An employment study found that due to the Pandemic, more and more cash-strapped people are selling naked pictures of themselves online to make ends meet.
- Speaking of “Making ends Meet”… Kim Kardashian and her sister Khloe accidentally bumped into each other yesterday even though they were standing 6 feet apart.
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A woman in NYC interrupted a Chuck Schumer Press Conference and told that she loathes him so much she got “Sexually excited watching him hide under his desk at the Capitol”.
- Bill Clinton called for an immediate investigation of the woman - to be conducted by… BILL CLINTON!!!
OR
- The last time “Under his Desk” and “Sexually Excited” were used in the same sentence, Bill Clinton was in office.
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It’s “National Make Your Dream Come True Day”!
- Nancy Pelosi.
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Mexico City opened its restaurants yesterday in defiance of Coronavirus Lockdowns.
- In their defense, it WAS Taco Tuesday!!!
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A U.S. Customs and Border Protection Dog sniffed out 88 pounds of “Prohibited Sausage” in a suitcase at Newark Airport in New Jersey.
- This is the biggest “Prohibited Sausage” story since Anthony Weiner got sent to prison for Sexting.
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Madonna is being criticized for visiting five countries in the past three weeks despite strict travel restrictions around the World.
- I’m pretty sure COVID doesn’t even make the “Top Ten List” of the diseases she might be spreading.
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Chuck Norris, 80, is forced to deny being at the Capitol riot after photo of man bearing a striking resemblance goes viral
Chuck Norris denies being at Capitol riot after photo of man with striking resemblance
The agent of actor and martial-artist Chuck Norris has been forced to deny the 80-year-old star wasn't at last week's Capitol Hill riot after a photo (left) went viral of a man striking a similar resemblance. Speaking yesterday, Norris' manager Erik Kritzer confirmed that the man in the picture wasn't Chuck Norris. The actor and martial artist (right) also took to his own Facebook page to deny that the man in the picture was him.
Look Who's Talking: Bruce Willis says 'It was an error in judgement' to REFUSE to wear a mask while inside a pharmacy in defiance of California's strict COVID rules
OnlyFans, founded in 2016 and based in Britain, has boomed in popularity during the pandemic. As of December, it had more than 90 million users and more than one million content creators, up from 120,000 in 2019. The company declined to comment for this article.
When it comes to matters of heart health, no amount of exercise is too much, scientists said on Tuesday in research that debunks the myth that high levels of vigorous physical activity might not always be beneficial.
The research found "every move counts" towards improving cardiovascular health, the scientists said, with the lowest risk for heart disease seen in people who exercised the most.
Cardiovascular disease is the leading world's number one cause of death - killing almost 18 million people a year globally, according to the World Health Organization (WHO).
This research, which involved more than 90,000 people studied over a five-year period, found that those in the top 25% of people who engaged in vigorous-intensity activity had an average reduction in risk heart disease of between 54% and 63%.