Chuck Schumer continues to be mocked for flubbing the word “Insurrection” and saying that President Trump “Incited an Erection” at the Capitol.
- Well, in his defense, it WAS an Uprising.
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Yesterday Florida's Chief Financial Officer told the International Olympic Committee that the state would be “Happy to host the 2021Olympics Games” amid speculation that current hosts Japan may back out.
- Florida would even add some new events including “Early Bird Pole Vaulting”, “Early Bird Floor Exercise” and ”Early Bird Broad Jumping”.
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An important heads-up for iPhone owners: Apple is warning customers that its Mmartphones could interfere with medical devices, including pacemakers.
- In a related story, those with Breast Implants should be careful not to snap them shut in their Flip Phones.
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Experts from the University of Minnesota announced that in the future, Dogs and Cats may need vaccinations to stop the spread of COVID.
- And you thought if was hard to get an appointment for yourself now.
- Sometime people report standing in line for hours… but at least nobody pees on the ground while they’re waiting for their shot.
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Mexican President Manuel Lopez Obrador has tested positive for COVID but says he’s feeling good.
- Not surprising. This guy “Drinks the water” in Mexico everyday. I don’t think a little virus is going to hurt him.
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President Biden is going to push Congress for another $1.9 trillion dollars in stimulus relief that will include $1,400 checks.
- And since Joe’s pushin’ 80… Look for your check to arrive in a Birthday Card signed, “Love, Grandpa”.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
Political Insiders say Donald Trump is working on plans for his “Presidential Library”.
- Actually… it’ll be more like a “Tweet Kiosk”.
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California Health Officials believe the state may have its own homegrown strain of COVID-19 that’s responsible for the dramatic rise in cases.
- This wouldn’t be the first “Homegrown Strain” of something to come out of LaLa Land.
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A study by the University of Bristol found that common pesticides keep bees and flies up all night.
- Which means the male Bees are so exhausted the next day they can’t finish their Honey Do list.
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An Ohio High School Teacher who was regularly having sex with a male student before school has been sentenced to two years in prison.
- On a bright note… the student got A LOT of extra credit for his work.
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75 year old Dolly Parton told People Magazine what her Dad said years ago when her home town announced that they were putting up a statue of her. He said “To your fans out there you might be some sort of an idol. But to them pigeons, you ain't nothing but another outhouse."
- Albeit a Top-Heavy Outhouse.
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Bad News… The $45 Bernie Sanders Meme Sweatshirt - featuring a pic of him huddled at the Inauguration in his Mittens - has sold out on his official website.
- It sold out even faster than the Hillary Clinton Pantsuit Collection did back in in 1992.
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“My Pillow” CEO Mike Lindell has been PERMANTLY BANNED from Twitter for pushing election fraud theories the company brands “Misinformation”.
- I found out about it in a Tweet from Hillaria Baldwin.
- It was in Spanish… but I’m pretty sure she said “Good Riddance!”
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Prince Andrew’s Financial Company could be on the verge of collapse due to his ties to Jeffrey Epstein.
- Bottom line: If he wants to maintain his Royal Lifestyle… his girlfriend’s going to have to sell a boatload of Thin Mints come Springtime.
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Tampa Bay will become the first team in history to play a Super Bowl in its home stadium.
- I was thinking how great it would be if the Lions could play in the Super Bowl in their home Stadium! Or ANY Stadium for that matter.
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A 20-year-old housekeeper in Vegas stole pairs of women’s underwear from a Hotel Room he was cleaning and and left his phone number and a note saying “Call me if you want to buy your panties back”. Police traced the number and arrested him.
- The guys said he was just trying to make a little extra cash to supplement his REAL CAREER as a “Thong and Dance Man”.
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A former TSA agent who was accused of tricking an airline passenger into showing him her breasts as she passed through security has been sentenced to sixty days behind bars.
- That’s 30 days for each one.
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Prince William’s wife Kate Middleton raised eyebrows by WEARING PLAID in a recent Zoom call - despite the widely accepted practice in the style world to avoid wearing plaid outside the month of December.
- How could she not know that??? I’m afraid I’m going to have to Unfollow her on Instagram.
“Are You Lonesome Tonight?” by Elvis Presley hits #1
JAN 26, 1961
The first woman personal physician to a U.S. President - Janet G. Travell (to John F. Kennedy)
JAN 26, 1962
Bishop Burke of the Buffalo Catholic dioceses declares Chubby Checker's “The Twist” to be impure and bans it from all Catholic schools
JAN 26, 1998
President Bill Clinton says “I want to say one thing to the American people; I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky”
The pilot program unveiled Monday, called Birdwatch, adopts a Wikipedia-like ‘community-driven’ approach to fact-checking
It allows users, called 'Birdwatchers' to identify tweets they think contain inaccuracies or false information and write notes to provide context
No account or tweet is exempt from annotation, meaning users will be able to add ‘context’ to tweets posted by news outlets and elected officials
Critics of the new feature have been quick to point out the risk that such a system could be abused to target legitimate commentary from a minority view
Twitter said it wants to focus on making Birdwatch ‘resistant to manipulation attempts and ensure 'it isn’t dominated by a simple majority or biased'
Twitter did not specify whether users would face any disciplinary measures if their posts are frequently annotated, or if they often annotate in bad faith
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A new Bill has been introduced in New York that would make it legal for Prostitutes to SELL sex - but BUYING sex would still be illegal.
- Thus the old adage, What’s Good for the Goose… is NOT Good for the “Gooser”.