Fears over the Coronavirus & tanking Oil prices saw the Dow open DOWN 1800 POINTS this morning.

- The stock market fell faster than Kanye West when Kim Kardashian’s thong exploded and ricocheted off his ego.

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Dolly Parton says she wants to celebrate her upcoming 75th Birthday by appearing on the cover of Playboy - which she hasn’t done since 1978 - saying “I think it would be such a hoot”.

- Or in this case… TWO Hoots… or is that Hooters??

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A Florida woman was arrested after police found marijuana in her bra.

- She pleaded guilty to a Double D Misdemeanor.

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A malfunction at a local winery is causing wine to flow from faucets in the Italian Town of Castelvetro.

- “It’s a MIRACLE!” said the town Priest, Father Pinot Grigio.

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Italy has quarantined a quarter of its population and asked them to stay home because of the Coronavirus.

- It’s working out fine… especially for the people who have wine flowing out of their faucets.

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Queen Elizabeth was locked out of Windsor Castle on Friday because there was no guard present to unlock the gate as her car drove up.

- The guard later explained to the Queen that he was in the Castle’s bathroom sitting on the Throne.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick