For the 2nd straight month, Joe Biden has topped Donald Trump in fundraising.

- Joe plans to use the money for campaign commercials, “Biden 2020” Pins, and to finish his basement.

*****

According the explosive tell-all book written by President Trump's Niece, Mary Trump, her “Uncle Donald” paid someone to take his SAT’s for him.

- Rumor has it there’s yet another Anti-Trump book coming out… this one by Donald’s Stingy, Rich, Penny-Pinching Uncle “Scrooge McTrump”.

*****

Kanye West announced he’ll run for President under “The Birthday Party”… because when he wins… it’ll be “Like everybody’s Birthday!”

- And if they play “Pin the Tail on Kim’s Butt” EVERYBODY wins!! How could they miss??

*****

The World Health Organization is monitoring a case of Bubonic Plague in China, but said it’s not “high risk” for now.

- It IS high risk… they’re just not gonna tell us that yet.

- What is it with Deadly illnesses and China? Seems like every time they come up with one, they find another one an hour later.

*****

On this day in 1913, Alfred Carlton Gilbert got a patent for one of the most popular children’s toys of all time: The Erector Set.

- It’s still sold today… under the name “Viagra”.

*****

Heinz has released kits that turn Mayo, BBQ Sauce, and Ketchup into Heinz-flavored Ice Cream.

- I can think of 57 reasons why this is a bad idea.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick