It’s “National Pizza, Chocolate and Tooth Ache Day”!
- I’m goin’ for two out of three.
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A Los Angeles Times reporter is taking heat for writing a column calling her neighbors “Trump Supporting Nazi’s and Facists” after they surprised her by SHOVELING HER DRIVEWAY.
- If I lived next door to her… I’d tell her to Shove - uh, Shovel It herself.
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The man who streaked across the field in a hot pink Thong, bringing the Super Bowl to a momentary halt… claims he won $374,000 on a $50 bet that there would be a Streaker at the Game.
- Apparently Streaking is this weeks GameStop.
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The impeachment trial of former President Trump will be “paused” if it runs into the Sabbath, in order to accommodate a request from one of his lawyers, who is an observant Jew.
- Dems say they’ll do what ever it takes to get it done by Saturday… including working from Sunrise to Sunset. Sunrise… Sunset.
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Disney shelled out $5.6 MILLION for an ad promoting the new film “Raya and the Last Dragon” during the Super Bowl.
- In a related story… The Seven Dwarves are out of work because Joe Biden closed the Mine they work in.
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Patrick Mahomes’ fiancé Brittany Matthews was seen cradling her baby bump at the Super Bowl.
- Well at least we know Mahomes was able to complete a pass nine months ago.
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RIP… Mary Wilson, one of the founding members of the Supremes who has died at age 76.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
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A rapper named Lil Uzi Vert a $26 MILLION Diamond surgically implanted into his Face.
- I think the real story here is that there’s a rapper named “Lil Uzi Vert”.
- I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure I had “Lil Uzi Vert” once at a French Restaurant.
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Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani downed three triple Scotches in the hours leading up to his infamous “Hair-Dye-Running-Down-His-Face-Press-Conferece… that according to the former CEO of Overstock.com.
- For more on this story, just click on OverServed.com.
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President Biden, left, has been accused of attempting to flirt with nurse Brittney Hayes, right, during a video conference call in which he told the woman - who’s been an RN for 9 years - “You look like a Freshman!”
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Local news station WFLA identified the man who ran onto the field during the fourth quarter of the game between the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Kansas City Chiefs wearing only a hot pink thong leotard and shorts as 31-year-old Yuri Andrade of Boca Raton, Florida. Andrade was booked under suspicion of trespassing before posting a $500 bond and being released Monday morning.
Andrade's run down the field ended with a tackle in the end zone from security, but CBS panned away from the stunt as it happened live. Nevertheless, people attending the game quickly spread footage of the stunt, and Kevin Harlan’s radio call of the incident went viral for his description of the streaking.
Andrade told NBC 6 that it was "kind of spur of the moment, a little bit of liquid courage and adrenaline rush" when he rushed onto the field. "It felt kind of like I was skydiving, so I rushed the field. The first thing I wanted to do was kiss Pat Mahomes on the cheek," he added. Andrade was also promoting the website of friend and social media personality Vitaly Zdorovetskiy, whose adult website name was written across Andrade's swimsuit.
"We've tried the Super Bowl four times - well, he's tried the Super Bowl four times - and I told him that if he bought me tickets, that I could guarantee him that I would streak on the field for him," Andrade said. He added that the stunt was "freezing cold," alleging that he was handcuffed for the first eight hours of his detainment before he was transferred to the police station, "where they were actually very kind and they were all laughing."
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Andrade also claimed to have won $374,000 after betting on Sunday's game. SporstBetExpert shared a photo of Andrade on the field, claiming he'd placed a bet on someone streaking during the game. "Yesterday's Super Bowl streaker bet $50k on a prop bet at +750 that there would be a streaker at the SB," the company wrote. "Cost him $500 to get out of jail so he cleared $374k on the bet!" Andrade appeared to confirm the message in the comments, sharing the post and writing, "Dudes are good at math."
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The full ad spans a total of two minutes and can be viewed below, with the Super Bowl commercial running around the 30-second mark. In the ad, a narrator can be heard stating, "In the wake of the unimaginable. In the shadow of uncertainty. In the face of fear," as scenes from the past year play out on screen, including workers on the frontline of the coronavirus pandemic and the stock market crash. The narrator goes on to say, "It's time. To rediscover. Your hope. Your purpose. Your passion. Your potential. You. Because no matter what we may face. Nothing is stronger than the human spirit."
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Artificial Intelligence experts are warning that Sex Robots could be taken over by hackers and instructed to kill their owners.
Congrats to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers who blew out the Kansas City Chiefs, 31 to 9 giving Tom Brady a record 7th Super Bowl title out of 10 SB appearances… at the age of 43!! Regarding the Halftime Show…Somebody’s got some Splainin’ to Do… to me at least. A guy named the “Weeknd” and dozens of male dancers running around wearing some kind of Face-Mask/Jock Strap on their heads? Is this the new COVID thing? Last week they told us we should wear TWO MASKS… Now the 2nd one is supposed to be a JOCK STRAP??
The Game wasn’t nearly as good or competitive as everybody thought it would be. And neither were the commercials. They weren’t particularly funny and half the time I didn’t even know what product they were trying to sell. This is the first time I can remember actually taking a Bathroom Break during the Commercials.
Overall… Love watching Tom Brady and the Buccaneers… the Commercials and the Halftime Show… Not so much.
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President Trump’s second Impeachment trial gets underway in Washington today.
- And if it’s like most sequels, it will feature the same actors, but won’t be half as good as the Original.
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Nancy Pelosi is being called out for using a secret entrance to bypass Metal Detectors at the Capitol - a violation of a Rule that SHE IMPLEMENTED last week.
- In her defense, Nancy’s 80. Maybe she was afraid her “Medic Alert” bracelet would set the alarm off.
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A study by San Diego State University found that married couples are having sex 16 fewer times per year than they were 20 years ago.
- Well, duh. They’ve been married for 20 years!!!
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!
-Dick
Remember last week when I joked that someone would probably insist that the Buccaneers change their name??? Well… The Washington Post published an op-ed on Friday saying Pirates should be “Cancelled” because they were “Murderous Thieves” whose “Wicked Deeds” SHOULD NOT be “Glorified”.
- The article also called for Government Troops to break into Davy Jones’ Locker and search for weapons.
- Shiver Me Timbers! America is Screwed!
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Nissan has unveiled a van that doubles as an office pod for people who want to work remotely from their vehicle.
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Harris Poll found that 84% of Americans are experiencing Anger, Anxiety, or Sadness.
- The other 16% are experiencing all three.
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A Florida man’s mugshot has gone viral because he has a tattoo of the state of Florida on his face.
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- He’s also got a Tattoo of Rhode Island on his manhood… you know, cuz it’s the smallest State.
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A Harvard Professor claims that an alien space craft visited earth in 2017 to scout our planet on behalf of another civilization.
- Remember the good old days when you were actually UPSET if your kid didn’t get into Harvard??
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Pope Francis made headlines by appointing a woman as the Undersecretary of Bishops.
- I thought we weren’t allowed to call women “Secretaries” anymore… Am I the only one you can’t keep up??
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Suzanne Summers was interrupted on a Facebook Live Broadcast by a naked intruder who entered her home.
- He told Police he got lost on his way to the Super Bowl.
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Tom Brady no coffee, white sugar, processed flour or any dairy products.
Brady, 43, who recorded his seventh Super Bowl win last night as he steered the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to a comfortable 31-9 victory over the Kansas City Chiefs, even cuts out certain 'healthy' vegetables - such as tomatoes, eggplant, capsicum and mushrooms - because they can cause inflammation.
The father-of-three also only eats organic, has a gluten-free diet - and tries to drink at least five litres of water a day.
Fox News made headlines on Friday by firing longtime Fox Business anchor Lou Dobbs, who was the highest rated anchor in business television history.
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Over five million people watched the 17th Annual Broadcast of the Puppy Bowl yesterday
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Paul McCartney urged JC Penny to hire his longtime friend Herbert Becker as CEO.
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A former “60 Minutes” producer has written Tell-All book called “Ticking Clock - Behind the Scenes at “60 Minutes” book about the “talented a-holes” who he’s worked with over the years.
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Elon Musk shared a rare photo of his son, X AE A-XII.
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Super Bowl LV set a gambling record with over twenty-three million Americans wagering more than $4 billion dollars in bets on the NFL’S Championship Game. The most popular bet was a straight-up wager on the game. The second biggest gamble was White Castle.
Ten million people Live-Tweeted the game. True story. They were Live-Tweeting everywhere except Mar A Lago.
Over 100-million people were expected to watch the game. Unfortunately, the REFS were not one of them.
Budweiser sat out the commercials for the first time in its history. This was the year of CORONA in more ways than one.
There was a chance of rain before the game. But Tampa Bay is the strip club capital of the world, so they’re always making it rain!
Florida has more massage parlors than any other state in the country. And they were all pulling for Brady.
Unfortunately, a couple of them got flagged for ILLEGAL USE OF HANDS.
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Trailing by three points with under a minute left, Team Ruff's Big Boss Paulie (American Staffordshire Terrier and Dutch Shepherd mix) sprinted for a touchdown as the clock ran out. Team Ruff defeated Team Fluff in a final score of 73-69 to win Puppy Bowl XVII.
Team Ruff's captain got a "Chewy Lombarky Trophy," but really, all the dogs won.
Sunday's event featured 70 puppies from 22 different shelters. Pups were split up into two teams and placed in a canine-sized football stadium to compete for "touchdowns." The event also featured a national anthem performance, a halftime show, play-by-play commentary and a "rufferee."
ESPN play-by-play announcer Steve Levy and "SportsCenter" host Sage Steele provided human commentary. Longtime friends Snoop Dogg and Martha Stewart served as hosts and Dan Schachner served as the game's "rufferee."
The real winner this Super Bowl is COVID': Critics blast maskless fans and lack of social distancing among 22,000 supporters as 30,000 cardboard cut outs are used to make stadium look more crowded
60 MIINUTES ETC… NEW BOOK.
Sawyer would be all smiles when she ran into Barbara Walters in ABC’s hallways, chuckling over rumors that the two were at odds — and dropping the act the moment Walters was out of range.
“Inside the elevator, Diane looked at me and said, ‘I hate that woman. Don’t believe a word she says. She knifes me any chance she gets,’ ” Rosen writes. “She had the look of someone who wanted vengeance.”
Mike Walace and Morley Safer didn’t speak for months because Mike stole sources etc… Meltdowns.
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“I’d rather work with a talented asshole than a nice person without talent,” Rosen writes in “Ticking Clock” (St. Martin’s), out Feb. 16, his memoir about his career at “60 Minutes” and its competitors, ABC’s “20/20” and “Primetime Live.”
In 1997, as Chris Wallace prepared a story on comedian Chris Rock, his father derailed it — by convincing Rock to do a sit-down with him instead, since “60 Minutes” had better ratings.
Ticking Clock: Behind the Scenes at 60 Minutes
“This was a betrayal on so many levels. I felt I had to call Mike,” Rosen writes.
“ ‘Mike, why would you rip off your kid?’ I asked.
“ ‘He’ll get over it,’ Mike replied.”
Rosen begged him to reconsider, saying, “Your choice is simple. You can have Chris speak at your funeral, or you can do the profile of Chris Rock.”
“Fifteen minutes later, Mike called. ‘I solved the problem. I gave the story to Ed Bradley.’ ”
Father and son did not speak to one another for nearly a year.
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Oculus launched its Quest 2 headset in October and the most popular experiences include National Geographic VR, which takes users to places such as Antarctica – where they can navigate icebergs in a kayak, climb an ice shelf and survive a raging snowstorm as they search for a lost emperor penguin colony.
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rget working from home -- this camper van is for those who want to "work from anywhere."
Inspired by the new realities of the Covid-19 era, Nissan's concept vehicle features a retractable office for remote workers and digital nomads. Dubbed Office Pod Concept, the mobile workspace comes with a modified Cosm chair by US furniture-maker Herman Miller, and desk space big enough for a large computer monitor.
Because of COVID, the CDC is suggesting that no one clap or cheer during the Super Bowl - but instead, to stomp your feet and use your hands
- I’ve got an idea for a hand gesture…
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Dr. Fauci also recommends cutting back on Alcohol during the game… because being Tipsy will make you less like to follow COVID safety guidelines.
- This will be the first Super Bowl in history where the Fans will get more Facemask Penalties than the Players.
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The Usual Suspects are calling for the Super Bowl-bound Kansas City “Chiefs” to change their name to something “less offensive”.
- And what about the Tampa Bay “Buccaneers”?? Somewhere out there, there’s a group of Pirates who are Outraged over THAT one, too.
- What’s next… Police and Fire “Chiefs”??
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Are you able to feel “Compersion”? It’s the new buzz word among sex therapists who describe it as
“Feeling love for your partner as they enjoy Something or Someone Else”.
- I’m okay with the “SomeTHING Else” part… The “SomeONE Else” part… Not so much.
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Prince Harry on Monday reached a settlement with the British tabloid “The Mail” for claiming he snubbed the Royal Marines after stepping down as a senior royal - and accepted an apology and financial damages.
- Actually, Harry accepted the apology… MEGHAN accepted the money.
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It’s National “Thank a Mailman Day”!
- So be sure to thank your Mail Carrier when - and if - he or she shows up today!!
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The Senate has confirmed Pete Buttigieg - who told NPR he has “A personal love for transportation” as Transportation Secretary.
- I have a personal love for Rutabega but I don’t think Biden’s gonna make me Secretary of Agriculture.
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Jeff Bezos has announced he's resigning as CEO of Amazon. He says he's leaving to devote more time to his true passion…
- … Ruling the Universe.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!
-Dick
An aerobics instructor in Myanmar has gone viral after filming herself dancing without realizing a military coup was happening behind her.
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“Jeopardy!” has announced even more upcoming guest hosts to take over the podium for the late Alex Trebek, including Anderson Cooper, Dr. Oz, Savannah Guthrie, and Dr. Sanjay Gupta.
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The Staten Island Zoo is being accused of pre-recording their supposedly live groundhog event. New York is currently covered in snow, but the video they posted shows none.
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The Blue Man Group is ending it's fourteen-year run at Universal Studios Orlando after being closed since the start of the pandemic.
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In a new interview, Britney Spears says she wants to meditate more in 2021.
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The internet is still buzzing after LeBron James got into a verbal fight with a pair fans during a game this week.
GENIUS AWARDS
AND TODAY’S GENIUS AWARD GOES TO……
Pasco County, FL -- A recently arrested 22-year-old man is CLEARLY a “Florida Man,” as his stupid face tattoo clearly shows… Matthew Leatham was arrested around 4:45 a.m. Sunday after he twice “called 9-1-1 to find a ride home,” according to a court complaint which notes that the accused “cursed at the call taker during the call.”
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FEB 4, 2004
Mark Zuckerberg launches Facebook from his Harvard dormitory room
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A theme park in Dubai has broken the world record for the tallest swing ride.
Measuring 460 feet, the Bollywood Skyflyer at Bollywood Parks Dubai lifts riders up to a height that is equivalent to that of a 42-story skyscraper and spins them around in a circle for a thrilling airborne adventure.
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Mori was quoted as saying women are "annoying" because they can talk too much during meetings. He reportedly made the comment after he was asked about increasing the Olympic Committee’s ratio of females on the board to 40%, according to the Japanese newspaper Asahi Shimbun.
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Beauty is pain!' Rapper Lil Uzi Vert gets a massive 11 karat pink diamond worth upwards of $24million pierced to his FOREHEAD
Oregon’s law decriminalizing small amounts of all street drugs went into effect on Monday meaning those found with personal-use amounts of drugs — including heroin, cocaine, methamphetamine, LSD, oxycodone and ecstasy — will now face a $100 fine instead of a criminal charge.
- For Charlie Sheen this is like Mardi Gras, St. Patricks Day and Christmas Morning all rolled into one.
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Swedish Furniture Giant Ikea has reportedly purchased 11,000 acres of forest in Georgia.
- So now, instead of just putting the wooden furniture together… they’re gonna make you plant the tree used to make it.
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A study by Researchers at the University of Cambridge reveals that LSD actively changes the way the brain processes information, freeing it from the boundaries set by nature.
- You can read the study… or just look at video of a Grateful Dead concert.
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For the second year in a row, the Pandemic has caused Spain’s famous “Running of the Bulls” in Pamplona to be cancelled.
- So now if you want to see a bunch of drunken, grown men run through the streets screaming, you’ll have to go to an Antifa Rally in Portland.
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Celebrities are spending hundreds of dollars for designer clothes that look like they are bursting at the seems.
- I achieve the same look by putting on pants I owned before the lock downs and I didn’t have to spend a dime.
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President Biden said he intends to keep his family and his administration separate as reports surrounding the business dealings of his son and brothers have raised questions of potential impropriety.
- Luckily, Hunter Biden already got a Summer Internship lined up with Xi Jinping in China.
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Every single state in the US -- including Hawaii -- will reach below freezing temperatures next Monday morning.
- How cold is it going to be? It’s gonna be so cold even Bernie Sanders Mittens will be wearing gloves.
- It’s going to be so cold in Hawaii women are being encouraged to cover up their Pineapples.
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Wikipedia announced a new “Universal Code of Conduct” The code designed to “Prevent the abuse of power and influence to intimidate others, and the deliberate introduction of false or inaccurate content”.
- Wait… isn’t getting “Inaccurate content” the WHOLE POINT of Wikipedia??
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Elon Musk says he’s implanted wires in a Monkey’s brain to see if he can teach it to play video games.
- Read all about it in the new book, “Curious George Goes to GameStop”.
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Yesterday, Punxsutawney Phil predicted six more weeks of Winter.
- On a bright note, we’re now down to 5 weeks and 6 days!
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An Ohio salt truck driver is accused of trying to run over police, then leading them on a car chase while dumping salt on their squad cars to keep them from chasing him.
- Why didn’t they just douse the Salt guy with Pepper Spray?
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Prince Harry on Monday reached a settlement with the British tabloid “The Mail” for claiming he snubbed the Royal Marines after stepping down as a senior royal - and accepted an apology and financial damages.
- Actually, Harry accepted the apology… MEGHAN accepted the money.
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The Mayor of Amsterdam is threatening to ban foreign tourists from visiting the city’s Cannabis Cafes.
- They’ll just have to find another Joint to get stoned in.
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Kraft is releasing a new pink macaroni and cheese for Valentine's day.
- It’s perfect if your wife is the kind you likes Cheesy, Mushy Valentines.
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Netflix has reportedly bought the rights to make a movie about the GameStop stock story.
- Since it involves "Short Selling”… Tom Cruise has been cast in the lead role.
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In a new interview, Angelina Jolie shares what she's learned from quarantining with her kids.
- It’s basically the same thing we’ve all learned… It’s time to open the schools.
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The CDC is suggesting that no one clap or cheer during the Super Bowl - but to stomp your feet and use your hands instead.
- I’ve got an idea for a hand gesture…
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First Lady Dr. Jill Biden, sent the Obamas a hamper of vegetables picked from the White House Kitchen Garden, which was planted by the then First Lady Michelle Obama in 2009.
- Apparetly the Biden’s don’t like Kale either.
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The San Francisco United School District is changing the name of its Visual and Performing Arts department, known as VAPA because they say “Acronyms are a symptom of White Supremecy Culture”.
- Here’s an Acronym for ‘em… FUBAR!
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Speaking of San Fran… the SF School Board is considering doing away with grand and standardized testing requirements for admission… and may use a random lottery system to accept which kids get into the elite high school.
- And you thought it was hard to get kids to do their homework now…
- We’re raising a bunch of people who are going to say, “I don’t need to study… I’m gonna win the LOTTERY!!!”
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Amsterdam officials are considering moving it’s famous Red Light District because American tourists tend to “take pictures” of the working girls… but don’t actually purchase their services.
- Well you know the old expression, “A Picture Says a Thousand Words… And It Doesn’t Require Antibiotics”.
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The company that owns the Empire State Building announced that for the first time in it’s history, the historic skyscraper is being run completely on Solar Wind Power.
- There making a movie about it called “An Af-Air to Remember”.
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coalition of Native American groups has put up billboards in the Kansas City area to protest the tomahawk chop and Chiefs’ name. A protest is planned outside Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, site of Sunday’s game against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and the coalition has hired a plane to fly around the area. A few thousand people have signed onto two online petitions, one of them started by a fourth-grader.
The Chiefs made some changes in the fall, barring headdresses and war paint and making a subtle alteration to the chop, with cheerleaders using a closed first instead of an open palm to signal the beating of a drum.