Portland, Oregon is actually running TV commercials to try to get people to visit by showing it as a good time vacation destination.

- I can see the ads now… “Come to Portand this Summer… You’ll Have a Riot!”

*****

62 year old Madonna put on a surprise performance at NY’s Boom Boom Room over the weekend - wearing leather hot pants and a “Fishnet Bra” over her breasts.

- I’m no fashion designer… but don’t the Fish Nets usually go on the legs… And you put the Leather Bra on your Boom Booms??

- I’m betting it was a SUPPORT Fishnet Bra.

*****

New research out of Isreal found that being unhappy with your marriage, or even perceiving your marriage as bad is as detrimental to men’s health as a lack or exercise or smoking.

- No wonder Bill Clinton smokes cigars. He’s been living on borrowed time he married Hillary.

*****

An intelligence report sent to Congress last week has scientists considering the possibility that UFO's are real.

- On one recorded piece of communication, Aliens can be heard telling citizens not to be alarmed - they're only here to take Joy Behar back home.

*****

EMS workers in Japan rushed to save a woman reported to be floating in sea… only to find out it was actually a Sex Doll somebody had thrown off a boat.

- Paramedics gave her mouth to mouth and chest compressions for 10 minutes. And after realizing she was a sex doll… another hour and a half.

*****

North Korean state TV ran a clip of one of the country’s citizens saying that Kim Jong Un's “Emaciated condition” is “Breaking our people's hearts”.

- If Kim Jong Un is emaciated… I’m the Pope.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick