Paleontologists say that since many Dinosaurs had armor around their heads and spiked tails, they’re still trying to figure out how the Dino’s had sex.
- Maybe they didn’t. Maybe that’s why they went extinct.
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Rapper Nicky Minaj is lashing out at reporters who criticized her for claiming that she knew of someone in Trinidad who’s testicles swelled up after he received the COVID vaccine.
- Why this is just nuts.
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Over 25,000 employees at Disneyland in California are suing Disney - saying they can’t survive on the minimum wage they’re paid
- I heard things are so tight when Snow White went to pay the 7 Dwarves, she came up short… And Donald Duck can’t even afford pants.
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When someone on social media questioned why President Biden hadn’t commented on the first-ever Civilian trip into Space, Elon Musk tweeted that the Prez “Is still sleeping”.
- Joe is NOT gonna be happy about this when he wakes up.
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The city of Portland, Oregon has named a recently completed pedestrian and bicycle bridge after the “The Simpson’s” famous, god-fearing neighbor, Ned Flanders, to promote the goodwill and kindness inherent in the fictional character.
- You can still throw Molotov Cocktails around Portland… but now you have to do it “Nicely”.
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A father-to-be in Pittsburgh got into a fight with a woman at his girlfriend’s baby shower and ended up shooting her and two other guests.
- Shocking. This type of thing usually only happens at Gender Reveal Parties.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!
-Dick
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President Biden gave a speech to the United Nations this morning, saying that America will “Lead on everything from Covid to Climate”
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Melinda Gates will meet with Vice President Kamala Harris Tuesday morning to discuss the world's response to the Pandemic.
- Why not? It’s not like Kamala’s working on anything else.
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The United States will soon require foreign travelers entering the country to be vaccinated.
- Unless, of course, those foreign travelers get here by walking in from Mexico.
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According to a new survey of 2,000 Americans, 43% of Americans say they’re working their “dream job” from childhood.
- When I was a kid, I actually wanted to be
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Ben Affleck is gushing publicly about his girlfriend, Jennifer Lopez, for the first time since rekindling their romance after nearly 20 years, saying he’s “In awe of what Jennifer’s effect on the world is”.
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A new study says only 56% of Americans can name all three branches of government.
- Seriously? I thought everyone new they’re the Executive Branch, the Legislative Branch and Dr. Fauci.
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Anal sex became the surprise agenda item at a school board meeting in Texas after a mother chastised educators for stocking sexually explicit books in school libraries.
- The books in question was called, “Goodnight to your Moon” and “Curious George gets Freaky”.
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A 12-year-old boy is facing charges in New Mexico after he stole a car and led police on a high-speed chase.
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A survey of 2000 adults in the UK found that after more than a year of being home, the most pressing concern about going back to work at the office is… Going to the bathroom.
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The Mayor of San Francisco who was caught on video dancing to the 1996 hit “Let’s Get Down” at a crowded nightclub WITHOUT A MASK is taking heat for breaking her own COVID rules… but she say’s critics are trying to be “The Fun Police” and shouldn’t be allowed to “Micromanage what we do”.
- At this point, the only law enforcement in San Francisco are the Fun Police and Officer Big Mac at McDonalds.
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A Walmart worker quit in a profanity-laced tirade over the Louisiana store’s loudspeakers saying, “Attention Walmart shoppers and associates, my name is Beth from electronics. Everyone here is overworked and underpaid. And to Jared, our store manager, you’re a Pervert”.
- I’m not usually one for burning bridges… but I like her Moxie!
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A volcano erupted on Spain’s Atlantic Ocean Island of La Palma on Sunday afternoon — forcing the evacuation of about 5,000 people from their homes that were threatened by lava flows.
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The Vatican is now closing it’s doors to anyone who’s not vaccinatinted.
- Hint: Just tell them you had the shot… and remind them that they should take it on Faith.
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Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will attend a “Vaccine Equity” event in NYC on Saturday where they’ll “Continue their urgent work with world leaders in the pursuit of global vaccine equity to end the COVID-19 pandemic for everyone, everywhere.”
- These two are such goody two-shoes they make Shirley Temple look like
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Two Japanese sisters have been confirmed as the world's oldest living identical twins and the oldest ever identical twins at the age of 107.
- So if your’e looking for a mature woman who “Has a sister” for your friend… call now! This is a limited time offer.
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Police in New Zealand arrested two alleged gang associates for breaking COVID lockdown rules after they were found with a car trunk "full of KFC" takeout including three buckets of chicken, ten cups of coleslaw, a large package of fries and four bags of gravy.
- I think the real story her is that they got FOUR BAG OF GRAVY and NO MASHED POTATOES.
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A Colorado woman has posted a video of herself singing a classic rock ballad with her Husky.
- It was hard to make out the words, but I’m pretty sure it was something by Three Dog Night.
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Monday, the Royal Family announced that Prince Andrew and Fergie’s daughter, Princess Beatrice gave birth to her first child - a baby girl.
- Prince Andrew says he can’t wait to meet his new grand daughter… and is even MORE excited to meet her girlfriends when she goes to high school.
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Pop Singer Adelle was spotted twerking on the dance floor at a wedding.
- For those of you who don’t know what twerking is, imagine having an epileptic seizure on the dance floor on purpose.
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Apple is reportedly working on new sensor technology that will allow iPhones and Apple Watches to help diagnose depression and cognitive decline in users.
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A Meteorologist in Marquette was fired from his TV forecasting job after 33 years because he refused the TV stations Vaccine Mandate.
- He thought he would just get a reprimand, but - like with 95% of his forecasts - he was wrong.
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Los Angeles Department of Health says the Emmy awards ceremony didn't violate restrictions because the ceremony is “Classified as a TV production and the Stars are considered performers”.
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Ultra-Woke Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream has introduced a new flavor, “Change is Brewing” in support of a Squad Members $10 BILLION proposal to replace Police with social workers in some emergencies.
- Great idea guys! I think I’m going to
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College Football fans around the country have begun yelling an expletive-laden chant at President Biden at weekend games.
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The vice president's office announced that the two will meet at the White House at 9:30 a.m. but offered few details beyond that.
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Costco says they’re
A Costco employee says a woman once brought back an empty wine bottle and said she was returning it because it gave her a headache.
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