We don’t even know who’s playing yet… but the average cost of a ticket to the Super Bowl is already $5,911 and the cheapest seat will set you back $4,489.

- But after his divorce from Gisele Bundchen, I think we can all agree - Tom Brady paid the most in an attempt to make it to the Super Bowl this year… and it turns out he’s not even going!!!

*****

Hollywood has largely come out in support of Alec Baldwin (BIG SURPRISE!) saying he shouldn’t be facing Involuntary Manslaughter charges in the accidental shooting death of the cinematographer on his movie set.

- Here’s an idea… At the Academy Awards, why don’t they just have Will Smith slap Alec, give ‘em both an Oscar and call it a day??

*****

Meanwhile, Alec’s wife Hilaria was ripped on Social Media for using a fake Spanish accent…AGAIN… when she asked photographers to give her family privacy after it was announced that Alec WILL FACE charges.

- The Baldwins seem confused… There lives would be so much easier if they used MORE fake BULLETS and FEWER fake ACCENTS.

*****

Police were called when a loose cow was spotted wandering outside an Olive Garden restaurant in OKLAHOMA.

- Turns out the Wind that Came Sweepin’ Down the Plain smelled like Veal Parmesan… and it turns out Cows LOVE Veal Parmesan! Who would have thunk it??

*****

A local police department in Rhode Island received a handwritten letter from a young girl asking them to run a DNA test on a partially eaten cookie she left out for Santa on Christmas Eve to prove that Santa is a “Real Person”.

- But the way the world is going, I’m afraid we’ll also find out that Santa is not only REAL, he’s also wanted at the North Pole for a series of robberies at the “Elegant Elves Small & Short Shoppe”.

*****

Doctors amputated the testicle of a young man who got clubbed in the groin by a police officer during a huge demonstration in Paris.

- Reminds me of that scene in Casablanca when Humphrey Bogart tells Ingrid Bergman… “The Germans wore Grey… And parts of that young man were Black & Blue”. (Or something like that…)

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick