After years of speculation by fans and the media alike, 77 year old Bette Midler finally admitted that she’s had some plastic surgery.

- When I saw Bette Midler at Pine Knob about 20 years ago… She came out for an Encore wearing nothing but a towel and high heels. She thanked the crowd, dropped the towel, and ran off stage. And trust me… after that… I could have told you what SHE just told you… 20 YEARS ago.

*****

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police were forced to issue a public reminder on "What Constitutes an Actual Emergency" after a Canadian woman called 911 to request assistance because of "a long line at the Burger King drive-thru".

- No offense to Burger King, but this sounds more like the long lines at Chick fil A.

- I guess "Special Orders" don't upset ‘ em at Burger King, but it does bother the folks at 911.

*****

THE RCMP said they've also gotten “Emergency calls” for people in need of a Zamboni to “Clear their ice”.

- They didn’t mention what the “Emergency” was specifically… but my guess is it involved one of two things: Either Hockey or Curling.

*****

A Thai drug lord has been busted despite getting plastic surgery while on the run to look like a “Handsome Korean man.”

- If that was his goal, he should have gone with the “Kim Jong Un” look!!

*****

Last week, Courtney Cox got her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame... but David Schwimmer, Matthew Perry, and Matt LeBlanc her three male "Friends" co-stars were all no-shows, raising eyebrows.

- Well, everybody's eyebrows went up but Courtneys… that’s because from what I hear, she's had so much plastic surgery she has to call her assistant when she wants to blink.

*****

With the Oscars less than two weeks away, the Motion Picture Academy say celebs and viewers alike can rest easy as they have a “Crisis Team” in place to prevent another “Will Smith/Chris Rock Type Incident” from overshadowing this years ceremony.

- Great news! We won’t have a pesky slap to distract us from hearing all the riveting speeches about Climate Change, Personal Pronouns and Diversity.

*****

Kayla Lemieux, the allegedly transgender teacher in Canada who made international headlines for wearing giant, Z-Cup prosthetic breasts to school, has FINALLY been placed on Paid Leave - months after parents began complaining about the Shop Teacher's inappropriate outfits in the classroom.

- Lemieux says despite not working, "She" is "A lucky woman whose Cup runneth over".

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick