BREAKING NEWS… Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were involved in a “terrifying” Paparazzi car chase last night in NYC. Details are sketchy… but they are saying the chase lasted for TWO HOURS and involved “Multiple near collisions”. Question: A TWO HOUR CAR CHASE IN NYC?? You can hardly drive TWO BLOCKS in TWO HOURS in NYC. Why didn’t they get out and walk???

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Citing a “High Sugar content”… U.S. officials are considering a ban on chocolate milk in elementary and middle school cafeterias.

- Which is gonna come as a real blow to second graders who like to throw back a cold mug of chocolate milk after taking in a Drag Show during “Career Day”.

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ABC has given the green light to the “Golden Bachelor”… a Senior-Version of it’s popular “Bachelor” reality dating series that will feature a Man and a group of Woman - all over 60 - looking for love.

- It’ll be just like the original, but instead of giving his favorite lady a “Rose” at the end, on the “Golden Bachelor”, he symbolically hands her his prescription for Viagra.

- FYI: Per the Cleveland Clinic… 40% of men need/take Viagra at age 40 and nearly 70% of men use it at age 70+. The age of the average user?? 53. Your welcome.

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Next week, Dancers at the Star Garden Topless Dive Bar in Los Angeles will become the first Unionized group of Strippers in the U.S.

- It will be the first Union in history to have all of it’s dues paid in singles.

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Police in Florida arrested a man for throwing a piece of “Unidentified lunch meat” at an officer, striking him in the chest.

- He immediately lawyered up telling cops, “My attorney has a first name… “It’s O-S-C-A-R. My Attorney has a second name it's M-A-Y-E-R…”

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Yesterday we reported that Tom Brady is denying rumors that he’s dating Kim Kardashian… We are now investigating rumors (started by us) that he is romantically involved with Rosie O’Donnell. Details as we make them up…

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick