-So the first batch of names came out in connection to Jeffrey Epstein and it reads like a who’s who in Politics and Hollywood…Prince Andrew… Al Gore… Stephen Hawking… Naomi Campbell… and Bill Clinton who was mentioned more than 50 times.

- And it also reads suspiciously like Santa’s “Naughty” List from a couple weeks ago.

More documents and names are set to be released today. Stay tuned…

*****

Washington, D.C. residents received free Apple AirTags this week to help them locate their cars in the event they're stolen. It’s part of the cities response to a dramatic increase in crime including car theft in D.C.

- They should give us all Air Tags to put in our Taxes. That way we’ll know when our money arrives in Ukraine!

*****

A new study suggests that speaking to babies in “sing-song” speech, such as nursery rhymes, is the most effective method for teaching them to talk.

- It’s also a great way to approach Potty-Training! Might I recommend my personal favorite… “Tinkle, Tinkle… Little Star…”

*****

Recently resigned Harvard President Claudine Gay - who stepped down amid accusations of plagiarism - will remain on staff as a Professor and will still likely earn her nearly $900,000 a year salary.

- Which she plans to put away for retirement, writing, “A Penny Saved, is a Penny Earned!”

- Well put, Ms. Gay. Well, put!

*****

Health experts say you can expect a “healthy mix” of coronavirus, influenza, RSV, and other cold viruses going around this winter.

- A “Healthy mix”? Really?

*****

According to animal experts, a Capuchin Monkey who escaped from a sanctuary in Ireland is likely on the hunt for a mate.

- They could tell the monkey escaped in Ireland because after he got out, he went to a pub, got drunk on Banana Schnapps, and passed out singing “Danny Boy”.

*****

Disney’s 95 year copyright on Mickey Mouse ran out this week… meaning Mickey is now in the Public Domain… and - not surprisingly - is already the subject of a new horror movie: The “Mickey Mouse Trap” - about a deranged serial killer dressed in a Mickey Mouse costume who chases a bunch of teens around an arcade at an amusement park hits theaters this March.

- The only thing that will kill you faster is the $15 Cookies ‘n Cream Funnel Cake with Whipped Cream and Chocolate Sauce you get next to “Dumbo the Flying Elephant”.

*****

An Australian man set a new Guinness World Record by putting on 10 pair of underpants in only 13.03 seconds.

- Why?

- The REAL question is… How fast can he get 10 pair of underpants OFF??

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick