Spring officially arrives tonight at 11:50!!!!

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In one of the more unusual incidents being attributed to Coronavirus, a turf war between dozens of rival monkeys has broken out in Thailand as the monkey’s fight each other for food. 

- Apparently the Grocery stores have run out of their favorite “Chimps Ahoy”. 

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A Las Vegas Strip Club called “Little Darlings” says they are staying Open because their dancers and customers are maintaining Six-Foot Social Distancing.

- That should make for some interesting Lap Dances.

In the spirit of “flattening the curve”, the club will also offer “Nude triple-X hand sanitizer wrestling”.

- In the interest of “Transparency”… we didn’t make the “Nude triple-X hand sanitizer wrestling” thing up!

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A gas station in Kentucky is selling gas for 99 cents a gallon and experts say that could become the norm across the Midwest.

- Great. We’ll all have full tanks of gas… and no place to go.

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Harvey Weinstein has been transferred to his new “home” - a prison outside of Buffalo. Ironically, Harvey graduated from the University of Buffalo and first made a name for himself by bringing acts like the Rolling Stones to Buffalo in the 70’s.

- It’s not all bad… maybe he can get deliveries from Ted’s Hot Dogs and Anderson’s Beef on Weck - two of my all-time favorite restaurants that I grew up on!

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George Clooney‘s sister-in-law is being torched on social media for selling luxury, non-medically approved Leopard-Print face masks for $30 each on her fashion website… They ship in 8 to 12 weeks. 

- As they say… Timing is everything. 

- And don’t forget to order her Faux Mink Toilet Paper which will be available just in time for Christmas! 

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A survey by a Sleep Company found that 60% of people WOULD NOT Marry someone who has a different “Sleep Pattern” then they do. 

- This is especially true when the guy sleeps on his side… and his girlfriend sleeps around.

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Millions of people in California have been ordered to “Shelter in Place” to stop Corona. 

- So now the only ones who will still catch a virus are the people who are staying at Charlie Sheen’s house. 

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick