Jill Biden - Joe’s wife - says Americans may not like her husband, but since he’s their best bet to beat Prez Trump, they should “swallow hard and vote for him”.

- Well that slogan’s gonna look great on a hat.

*****

In a trailer for the new season of “Keeping Up With The Kardashians,” Kim Kardashian admitted that Paris Hilton inspired her career.

- Paris also inspired the “Burning Man” rock festival - which is actually a support group for all the guys who’ve Dated her.

*****

A new study claims that mothers who consume fluoride during pregnancy will have children with lower IQ’s.

- It’s especially bad if you use fluorinated toothpaste on your Wisdom Teeth.

*****

Six people ranging in age from 62 to 85 are facing sex charges. Police say the five men and an 85-year-old woman were involved in lewd and sexual activity in a public park.

- Witnesses thought they were making out… but it turns out they were just doing CPR on each other.

*****

Officials at AREA 51 are worried too many people will show up to the Government’s secret air force base on Sept. 20 where it’s believed UFO’s are kept.

- So all attendees will have to show proof of citizenship because the last thing they want is a bunch of Aliens showing up.

*****

A raccoon-like animal called a Kinkajou fought its way into a Florida home and attacked it’s unsuspecting owner.

- Zookeepers say Kinkajou’s are usually peaceful creatures… but it turns out he and the homeowner got into an argument about President Trump.

*****

Insiders say 85 year old Larry King’s marriage to his 59 year old wife Shawn ended in a “huge fight” over who does what.

- When they married 22 years ago, they agreed that he’d continue his TV career and she’d have kids and change diapers. She didn’t realize they’d be LARRY’S Diapers.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

President Trump has vowed NOT to open a Vegas style hotel in Greenland if the U.S. purchases the island nation… but the Prime Minister of Denmark - which owns Greenland - says it’s not for sale.

- This is what’s known politically as the “NOT Green New Deal”.

*****

The Environmental Protection Agency is encouraging us to set our thermostats at 82 degrees before we go to bed at night to conserve energy.

- Here’s an idea… How about they go first??

*****

The hot rumor in showbiz is that Taylor Swift is on the verge of moving in with her British boyfriend.

- No word yet on whether they’ll break up before or after the moving truck shows up.

*****

Larry King has filed for divorce from his 7th wife Shawn after more than 20 years of marriage.

- Well, you know what they say… “8th Time’s the Charm”.

Insiders say Shawn was “blindsided” by the divorce.

- She’s 59 and he’s 85. She may have been blindsided, but Larry’s got the Cataracts. And HE’S the one who can’t drive at night.

*****

Tommy The Tortoise, the world’s oldest living pet, turned 121 at his home in Great Britain Tuesday.

- Tommy is actually a “She” but the owner didn’t know until she started laying eggs and went in for a Turtle Wax at the beginning of the bikini season.

*****

A Florida man was arrested for performing a “Botched Castration” surgery on a man he met on the Internet.

- He also performed a Vasectomy on the guy. Apparently it was a Package deal.

- Remember the good old days when the only thing you could lose on the Internet was your life savings to that guy who emailed you from Nigeria??

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see back here Thursday!

-Dick

President Trump returned to the White House yesterday after a two-week Golfing vacation at his Club in New Jersey.

- After spending two weeks tweeting and golfing, it’ll be nice for the President to get back to Washington where he can do some tweeting and golfing.

*****

Elizabeth Warren began a speech to voters at a Native American Conference by apologizing for claiming she was Indian.

- Some said the apology was Corny. Others call it Maize.

*****

Bill Cosby’s wife Camille has called off Divorce proceedings against the Coz and the two are reportedly planning to renew their vows in the Prison Chapel.

- Lucky for Camille, if she get nervous for the Wedding night I’m betting Bill will have something to help her relax.

*****

Miley Cyrus was spotted “basically having sex” on the dance floor of an LA Club with her new girlfriend just a week after splitting from her husband.

- Nothing like an old fashioned fairy tale romance to light up my Tuesday.

*****

More than 150 CEO’s including Jeff Bezos announced that their businesses would shift away from making money for shareholders and focus on making the world a better place.

- If you want a full copy of their statement, you can get it on Amazon for just $29.99.

*****

Kim Kardashian was photographed going out to dinner with her husband Kanye West… wearing NO MAKE UP.

- Fans said they didn’t recognize her! And neither did Kanye.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

There’s a new trend called “DogFishing” where men are posting pics of themselves with their friends dogs on Dating Apps in an effort to come off more nurturing to prospective dates.

- And they called it… Puppy Love.

*****

The Dept. of Transportation added Miniature Horses - which stand 2 to 3 feet tall and weight about 100 lbs. - to the list of Emotional Support Animals that are allowed on airplanes.

- Which begs the question: Why fly? Why not just ride the horse?

*****

A new study found that the heart rate of people watching professional sports (especially when they’re winning) goes up so much they get the same health benefits as 90 minutes of brisk walking.

- Unless you’re watching the Tigers this year. Or the Lions pretty much any year.

*****

Pro Golfer John Daly says that despite rumors to the contrary, President Trump DOES NOT cheat at golf… but that Bill Clinton does.

- This is historic… It’s the first time “Bill Clinton” and “Cheat” have been used in the same sentence without a female involved.

*****

8 women have accused 78 year old Opera Legend Placido Domingo of sexual harassment.

- Domingo says he’ll fight the charges in court and “It ain’t over ‘til the fat lady in the Jury sings”.

*****

A United Airlines flight attendant who passed out during the safety speech is facing charges of public intoxication.

- Say what you will, it’s just nice to see somebody other than the Pilot doing the drinking.

*****

In a new video by a group called “Campus Reform”, students were asked to sign a (phony) petition calling for banning the iconic white stick figure in “WALK” signals because they are “Oppressive”. Most of the students signed.

- Next up: They’ll ban “Merge” signs because the Snowflake girls think it’s too suggestive.

*****

The 25th Anniversary Woodward Dream Cruise is THIS SATURDAY the 17th! The classic cars will take your breath away… and so will the exhaust fumes!

I’ve been invited to ride in the Berkley Parade Friday night which starts at 6:30pm and runs from Woodward to Greenfield on 12 mile. I’ll be in a ‘61 white convertible T-Bird with red interior… See ya there!!

Have a great day and I’ll see you tomorrow!

-Dick

Joe Biden has told campaign staffers that he’s worried his habit of making gaffes on the campaign trail will cost him the election.

- This is why Elizabeth Warren always speaks in Smoke Signals. Her mistakes just disappear into thin air.

*****

Today is National Creamsicle Day!

- It takes me back to my childhood days… Little did I know then, that they were not only putting a big smile on my face but a ton of cholesterol in my arteries.

*****

Ratings for Sunday night’s “Teen Choice Awards” fell by 28% from last year to an all time low.

- Makes sense… Jeffrey Epstein was “unavailable” to tune in at the time, so the only one watching was R. Kelly.

*****

Lucky Charms is selling bags of “Just Marshmallows” for two bucks which - unlike the originals - are “Bigger and Puffier”.

- Just like You’ll be if you eat ‘em.

*****

Caitlyn Jenner sent his/her daughter Kylie a 22nd Birthday wish on Instagram - but mistakenly posted a photo of himself/herself with daughter KENDALL Jenner instead.

- So I’m not the only one who can’t tell one Kardashian girl from the others. Except for Kim… BUTT that’s another story. I can recognize her coming or going.

*****

Mike Tyson - who recently opened a “Cannabis Vacation Resort” says he smokes $40,000 worth of Pot every month.

- He says the money comes out of a special fund he “ear marked” for partying.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

The mysterious death/suicide(?) of accused young-girl-molester Jeffrey Epstein over the weekend has both Repubs and Dems saying that he was actually murdered.

- Well it’s nice to see they can finally agree on SOMETHING.

*****

It’s being reported that Barry Manilow doesn’t enjoy performing on stage because it makes him extremely nervous.

- This from a woman named Lola. She was a showgirl. With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there.

*****

The President of Brazil says that we can solve many of the World’s environmental problems by Pooping less. His suggestion: Only go once every other day.

- Well there goes his endorsement from “Fiber One”. (That reminds me of a line by my late friend, comedian Dennis Wolfberg, who said “You can’t eat Fiber One and hold a job”)

- He’s running for a second term with the slogan “Make Constipation Great Again”.

*****

Russian officials are denying that the country suffered a nuclear accident after leaked footage surfaced of workers in hazmat suits cleaning up one of their reactors.

- True or not, Putin gave the clean-up effort Glowing reviews.

*****

Alec Baldwin tweeted “The Russians killed Epstein. They’re in charge of EVERYTHING now”.

- So look for Alec to beat up Vladimir Putin when he thinks someone stole his parking space again.

*****

Universal has decided they will NOT release their controversial movie “The Hunt” next month - because it’s the “wrong time” for the movie which features rich Liberals hunting down and killing “deplorable” Trump supporters.

- When exactly would be the “Right time” for this movie??

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Amazon is giving Alexa users the ability to stop the home assistant from listening to them having sex.

- Remember the good old days when the only people you were afraid might hearing you have sex were your kids??

*****

From the “Bad Idea File” Disney is remaking the classic movie “Home Alone”… Upon hearing the news, Macaulay Culkin posted a pic with the caption “This is what an updated Home Alone would actually look like”.

- The only thing “Classic” about a remake of “Home Alone” would be this picture.

*****

Actress Rosanna Arquette took to Twitter to apologize to her followers for being “born white and privileged” and says it “disgusts” her.

- Sounds like somebody’s been drinking the “Krazy Kool-Aid”.

*****

A poll found that 89% of Millennials believe their life is meaningless.

- Their parents were like, “Here’s an idea: Get a job! You’d be amazed how Meaningful hard work can be”.

*****

Prince Charles is said to be considering a cameo in the next James Bond movie.

- The Queen’s not too happy and said the film would have to be called “Over Her Majesty’s Dead Body”.

*****

A Florida man was arrested for robbing a house but told police his HORSE was the one who Did It.

- Cops said it was “refreshing” since most guys usually blame the Dog.

*****

A Louisiana woman was arrested after police found methamphetamines inside her private parts and police didn’t believe her claim that the drugs weren’t hers.

- Maybe she just forgot! Hey… I misplace MY KEYS all the time.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

According the a new survey, Detroit Metro is one of the Five Worst Airports in the US.

- I totally disagree… it’a a beautiful airport! HOWEVER… How come no matter where I’m going, my flight is always leaving out of Gate A-78?? (It’s like the “C” Gates in the Old Terminal all over again!!)

*****

The WH is doubling the size of its fence to stop people from running onto the White House lawn.

- So Trump’s finally getting the Wall he’s been touting for 3 years… it’s just a couple thousand miles North of the one he wanted.

*****

The main stream press is criticizing Trump for tweeting about the mass shooting in “Toledo” - but have all but ignored the fact that Biden said the events took place in “Houston & Michigan”.

- Apparently their giving Joe a pass since any kind of criticism makes him Touchy.

*****

Former Ohio basketball star D.J. Cooper failed a drug test in the European Basketball League after he used his girlfriend’s urine and the results showed he was pregnant.

- Well that explains why he cries every time he misses a free throw.

*****

Tom Brady and his wife Giselle Bunchen have put their 10,000 sq. ft. home on the market for $39.5 MILLION just a day after Brady agreed to a two-year, $70 million contract extension with the Patriots.

- Who among us hasn’t gotten a raise and decided we needed a little more space?

*****

Stormi Daniels former attorney Micheal Avenatti - who is currently facing 335 years in Prison on dozens of federal charges - says there’s a “50-50 chance” that he’ll run for Prez as a Democrat in 2020.

- Some call Avenatti a “Criminal”… I call him an “Optimist”.

- Avenatti would be one of the first Politicians to go to Prison BEFORE he got elected instead of AFTER.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Scientists at the United Nations are warning that all humans must adopt a vegetarian lifestyle in order to successfully fight climate change and save the planet.

- Never has there been so much at Steak.

*****

Some Royal Watchers used “FaceApp” on the Fab Four so see what they’ll look like in the future.

- The Queen is 93 and she looks better than all four of them combined.

*****

A 70 year old man who went in for a bladder procedure and “accidentally” got circumcised in a hospital mix-up has been awarded $23,000.

- The man was so excited by the settlement he gave the surgeon a tip.

*****

A new op-ed in the Kiev Post claims that Vladimir Putin is burning out after years on the job and he’s losing his grip on power.

- Hillary Clinton was like, “Would it have killed him to burn out 3 YEARS AGO???”

*****

Both the pilot and co-pilot of a United Airlines flight from Scotland to NYC were arrested for intoxication minutes before the plane took off.

- It’s always dangerous to get on a plane whose pilots are higher than the scheduled cruising altitude.

*****

Jeff Bezos skipped the Google Climate Change-fest in Sicily so he could meet his girlfriend Lauren Sanchez’s parents.

- I feel bad for Jeff. It’s gotta be nerve wracking meeting the parents of the girl who’s one day gonna take you to the cleaners.

*****

Kevin Spacey participated in a sidewalk poetry meeting in Rome yesterday.

- Kevin read a limerick that started out, “There once was a Man from Nantucket”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Our Hearts and Prayers go out to the victims and their families after this weekend’s mass shootings in El Paso & Dayton.

*****

Double Tree Hotels are sending a tiny oven to the International Space Station so Astronauts can bake cookies.

- First up: Moon Pies

*****

A Portland woman was arrested on Saturday after she beat a police officer with his own baton.

- She posted bail and then went out clubbing.

*****

A growing number of Japanese women are marrying themselves so they can have more freedom in their lives.

- And for the Honeymoon they carry “Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed and Something that Runs on Batteries”.

- On the down side, it things don’t work out they have to pay for both sides of the divorce.

*****

A video has gone viral of French inventor Franky Zapata flying across the English Channel on a Hoverboard.

- If you want to watch a video of him going over the SPANISH Channel… press 2.

- A lot of people missed it since they couldn’t find The English Channel on their Cable lineup.

*****

The set of the new James Bond movie has been hit with a second Peeping Tom incident after a female crew member saw a male hand come under a bathroom stall while she was in there.

- Police say she was “Stirred, Shaken… and then Flushed”.

- The guys said he just needed some TP adding, “Diamonds are Forever, but Toilet Paper Runs Out’.

*****

Rapper A$AP Rocky returned home from Sweden Friday after serving nearly a month in jail on assault charges.

The U.S. reportedly warned the Swedish Government of “Negative Consequences” if they didn’t release the rapper. Apparently Trump told their President he was gonna be sleeping with the Swedish Fish.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

After last night’s debate, Micheal Moore tweeted that the only way Dems can beat Trump in 2020 is if Michele Obama runs.

- Insiders say she’s already decided on a campaign slogan: “Make Kale Great Again”.

- Hmmmm. A former First Lady running for President… What could go wrong???

*****

The internet has gone crazy over pics of a 5 week old female puppy that was born with a rather heavy mustache.

- Reminds me of one of my baby pics.

*****

Move over crows feet and laugh lines… According to beauty “experts” more and more women are getting “procedures” to correct Cleavage wrinkles a.k.a. “Clinkles”.

- And if you’re not up for an expensive Clinkle-ectomy you can always save money and just get some “Boob-tox”.

*****

Almost all of the candidates - except Biden - said that immigrants coming over the border illegally would not be prosecuted for breaking the law, which could, in effect encourage millions worldwide to walk into the US with no legal consequences.

- If this ever passes, instead of a Wall we’ll have a giant flashing neon sign reading “Open 24/7!”

*****

If you add it up, the candidates promised FREE Healthcare, FREE College, 100% Student Loan Forgiveness, and $1000 FREE for everyone over 18.

- If this ever becomes Law, the Bald Eagle will be replaced with a Rainbow and a Unicorn.

*****

A woman who has turned 107-years-old says the secret to living a long life is “Never getting married”.

- But she still got some of the perks of a wedding: “She’s something old, Her pacemakers new, Her hearing aids are borrowed, and her lips are turning blue.”

*****

Former President Barack Obama, Prince Harry & Leonardo DiCaprio were among those who used 114 Private Jets to attend Google’s lavish Greek Isle getaway to discuss Climate Change.

- They could have stayed home at watched the Debate Candidates talk about the same thing for a lot cheaper - with the same results.

*****

Lisa Marie Presley is writing a new book which she claims will reveal “shocking” details about her ex husband Michael Jackson.

- Lisa Maria says she’s Nose stuff about Michael that even his plastic surgeon doesn’t know.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

The second Democrat debate - which includes Joe Biden and Kamala Harris - takes place at the Fox tonight.

- Harris will spend the pre-debate hours campaigning and Joe will spend the afternoon napping.

*****

Presidential Candidate Marianne Williamson was the most Googled candidate during las night’s debate saying that “Love” will win the election and that Trump has unleashed “Dark psychic forces” in America.

- Then she took out her light saber and accidentally cut Bernie Sanders arm off.

*****

The makers of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer are now selling a “HARD COFFEE” alcoholic beverage.

- It’s great for people who like their beer with cream and sugar.

*****

An unemployed Indian man is in intensive care after being bitten by a snake - and then biting the snake back.

- I always wondered how Cobra Insurance works. Now I know.

*****

A Seattle woman hacked into Capital One and obtained the personal data of over 100-million people.

- Well now we know What’s In HER Wallet… Your social security number.

*****

A top model who was fired for making anti-Transgender comments and then blamed it on her own insecurity about being a woman, who used to be a man, now admits she was never a man at all - and was a WOMAN the whole time.

- This lady makes Caitlyn Jenner seem like the Girl Next Door.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

The second democratic presidential debate, hosted by CNN, will get underway at the Fox Theater tonight at 8pm and will feature 10 candidates including progressives Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren.

- If those two go any further left they’re gonna fall off the stage.

*****

A video has gone viral of a two-year-old child who climbed onto the conveyor belt at the Spirit Airlines baggage claim.

- Then the airline found out the kid weighed more than 50 pounds and charged his parents a hundred bucks.

*****

44 years ago today Jimmy Hoffa disappeared from the parking lot of the Machus Red Fox in Bloomfield Hills.

- His associates say he was a Pillar in the Community and remains one today. Literally.

*****

Arnold Schwarzenegger turns 72 today.

- At his age, Arnold’s new catch phrase is “Oh My Back!”

- Arnold says he’s not worrying about getting older because financially he’s got it “Maid in the Shade”.

*****

A new study found that AOC’s "Green New Deal" would cost the average household at least $70,000 in the first year and a quarter-million dollars total after five years.

- So here’s the “REAL Deal”: You’re gonna have to give up a whole lotta Green.

*****

According to a new survey, 28% of food delivery drivers admit they’ve eaten some of the food on their way to drop it off.

- Reminds me of my days as a Bakery Truck Driver during summers off from College. I didn’t make much dough, but I ate a lot dough-nuts!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Meghan Markle’s estranged father is asking Queen Elizabeth to step in and demand that Meghan and Harry let him see his new grandson Archie.

- But knowing the Queen she’s just gonna Wave him off.

*****

According to a recent study, breastfeeding may lower the risk of stroke for mothers.

- Wait a minute… Aren’t men supposed to be able to have babies now?? What about them??

*****

President Obama’s former doctor said that Joe Biden looked frail at the last debate.

- Biden replied “I never LIKED Obama’s Doctor… and Obama can KEEP his stupid Doctor”.

*****

A video has gone viral of an American Airlines baggage handler dancing on the runway at the Nashville airport.

- I’m assuming it was the Hokey Pokey since, like most baggage handlers, he put the suitcase in, he took the suitcase out, he put the suitcase in and he shook it all about.

*****

MTV has announced plans to start airing serious documentaries.

- First up: An in-depth film about Madonna’s need for Penicillin.

*****

On this date in 1609, Samuel de Champlain shot and killed two Iroquois Indian chiefs in Ticonderoga, New York.

- It led to 150 years of discord between the French and Indians… Plus Elizabeth Warren’s Presidential Campaign.

- HISTORICAL NOTE: This event forced a popular song at the time to change titles from “Twelve Little Indians” to “Ten Little Indians”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Bernie Madoff has appealed to Donald Trump to reduce his 150-year prison sentence for running the world's largest Ponzi scheme.

- As an incentive he offered Trump a great deal on some Stock in the Acme Dynamite Company.

*****

Even liberal CNN and MSNBC seem to agree that Robert Mueller’s testimony was disastrous for Dems hoping for criminal dirt on President Trump.

- Joy Behar was so devastated she almost couldn’t speak. Remember, I said “almost”.

- Rachel Maddow was so upset she had tears in her eyes and you could actually see her Adams Apple trembling.

*****

Michael Moore tweeted that not only did Mueller fail to “deliver the goods” but he “sucked the life out of his report”.

- And then he ate a large pizza and a side of fries.

*****

A study by US Trust found that Millennials - now in their 20’s and 30’s - believe “Old” starts at 59. But Baby Boomers - say you’re not “Old” until you’re 73.

- And remember what Groucho Marx said - or maybe it was Joe Biden - “You’re only as old as the woman you feel”.

*****

A “Flasher” in Massachusetts got more than he bargained for when a female jogger he exposed himself to ran after him and wrestled him to the ground.

- Sounds like somebody wasn’t that impressed with what she saw.

*****

Researchers at the University of Alabama claim that eating your last meal of the day at 2 in the afternoon may help you lose weight.

- There’s even a name for Dinner at 2 in the afternoon… It’s called “Lunch”.

*****

NE Patriots QB Tom Brady hinted that he may become a fashion designer.

- He’ll design shirts with Shoulder Pads while Colin Kaepernick will provide the Knee Pads.

*****

A new survey found that 4 in 10 people say the way they’ve lived their lives has left them with some regrets.

- Regrets? I’ve had a few. But then again… too few to mention.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Buffalo Wild Wings is bringing back “Half Off Tuesdays”.

- They’re trying to compete with Hooters “Half Dressed Thursdays”.

*****

Over twenty million people have watched the first Trailer for the upcoming Tom Hanks movie about Mr. Rogers.

- But in keeping with the #MeToo movement, in this movie, all the women in Mr. Rogers Neighborhood file a sexual harassment suit against Mr. McFeely.

*****

New research found that people who eat a lot of spicy food have up to a 50% greater chance of developing dementia.

- Which is bad news for people who eat at Taco Bell since they won’t be able to remember where the bathroom is.

*****

A new study claims that drinking coffee can help you lose weight.

- And if you get that coffee at Starbucks, the weight you lose will be in your wallet.

*****

Russia held its annual “Medieval Times Jousting Festival” on Tuesday.

-It’s a lot like our “Renaissance Festival” but during the battle re-enactments, they actually kill people.

*****

Kim Kardashian’s personal photographer has been accused of trying to bribe a model into sending him naked pictures.

- What an ass.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Taking a little mid-summer break! See you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

76 year old Joe Biden says he’d take 73 year old President Trump down if age becomes an issue.

- Seems to me Age is a “Touchy” subject for both of them.

*****

A new Smartphone app called FaceApp is sweeping the internet… It allows you to see what someone will look like when their “old”, and pics have popped up of everyone from Trump to Biden.

- Looks like they’ll both use the slogan “Make America Wrinkled Again”.

*****

Scientists say new research shows that chimpanzee experience “closeness and bonding” when they sit together and watch a movie.

- Maybe Trump and Pelosi should go see the “Avengers” together.

*****

Fashion insiders say Americans are turning away from “traditional beauty” and “embracing the Ugly” - thus the renewed popularity of shoes like “Crocs”.

- And just like that my Baby Blue Leisure Suit and White Bucks are back in style.

*****

Political experts say extensive polling shows that the 2020 Election will be the most toxic ever.

- I’m no “Political Expert” but I didn’t need extensive polling to tell you that!

*****

A study by the University of Southern Australia found that a serving of Nuts everyday will sharpen your brain as you age.

- That’s why I never miss the ladies on “The View”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner’s son Brody says he was hurt when his Dad decided NOT to attend his wedding, just a week before the nuptials.

- In his Dad’s defense, He was worried his plunging neckline dress would upstage the Bride.

*****

Archeologists have uncovered the remains of one of Napoleon Bonaparte's generals: a one-legged man who was killed by a cannonball more than 200 years ago - underneath a dance hall floor in Russia.

- Their best guess is that the General had been dancing to ABBA’s “Waterloo”.

*****

The #MeToo movement may put Victoria’s Secret out of business after sales plummeted in the first half of this year.

- But company insiders say those numbers are “padded”… like their Bras.

*****

New scientific research claims that insects not only feel pain when you smush them, but if they survive they have chronic pain.

- I would’ve loved to have been a fly on the wall when they were figuring that one out.

*****

Joe Biden unveiled his new healthcare proposal and promised “If you LIKE your healthcare… you can KEEP your health care”.

- Biden is clearly grabbing at Obamas coattails… which is better than what he’s usually grabbing.

*****

Kylie Jenner - of the Kardashian Clan - said that growing up in the public eye has been incredibly tough and caused her distress and anxiety.

- And then she posted more naked pics of herself on Instagram.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick