Next month, Billions… if not trillions, of cicadas are expected to emerge from the underground in 17 U.S. states in a rare natural phenomenon not seen since 1803. (To put that in perspective, Thomas Jefferson was the US President… #3)

- There haven’t been that many bugs in one location in since Donald Trump first announced he was running for President back in 2016.

*****

Costco will begin offering $179 Ozempic prescriptions to members at some of their locations across the nation.

- You gotta love Costco! Where else can you get 36 Rolls of Toilet Paper, 10 Pounds of Frozen Cocktail Franks, a pair of Sweat Pants, a Big Screen TV, a Casket, a 1/4 pound hot dog for a buck fifty, and now… a weight loss shot… all before noon on Saturday.

*****

JetBlue’s is now changing the amount they charge for bag fees - depending on which day you fly. The busier the travel day… the more you pay… with prices reaching $50 per bag on peak dates.

- We used to say the airlines charged “An arm and a leg” for baggage fees… Nows it’s getting to the point where they may actually charge us for having ARMS and LEGS.

*****

A group of House Republicans introduced a bill on Tuesday to rename Washington, D.C.’s main international airport after former President Trump.

- Not to be outdone… The Democrats immediately introduced a bill to rename a “Stair Master” after President Biden.

*****

A new study finds that the amount of money Americans think they need to retire comfortably has hit a record high of $1.46 MILLION.

- Which the government says is absolutely no problem if you do the following:

#1) Get $1.46 MILLION…

*****

Vermont’s winter manure-spreading ban has been lifted for spring.

- And people say there’s no Positive news to report!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Congratulations to Punxsutawney Phil and his Groundhog Wife Phyliss who welcomed two babies this weekend! No word on whether the little ones are Punxsutawney Boys or Punxsutawney Girls… and no names were given… but Mother and babies are said to be doing well.

- Right after the birth, Mrs. Punxatawney emerged from her hospital room, saw her shadow and said there would be at least six more weeks of NO SEX for Phil.

*****

National Love Your Produce Manager Day - So Lettuce all take a minute to say thanks for all the Fruits of your Labor!!!

*****

During the 2024 Easter Egg Roll on the lawn of the White House, President Biden introduced two Giant White Rabbits to a crowd of children as the “Oyster Bunnies”.

- Well, knowing this White House... it was probably part of "Trans-Shellfish-on-the-Half-Shell Visibility Day".

*****

Despite overwhelming homelessness and a massive uptick in crime and drug use, a new Study by WalletHub.com found San Francisco to be the Healthiest City to live in, in all of America.

- It’s true! If you can avoid being killed… you’ll have a hell of a life there!

*****

A new survey finds that 30% of Americans say they’ll never buy an electric vehicle.

- Mostly because they don’t have an extension cord long enough to make it from their garage to the grocery store.

*****

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos paid $90 MILLION for a mansion near Miami on an exclusive man made island known locally as "Billionaire's Bunker".

- He said he hadn't planned on spending that much on a house... but when it showed up as a "Lightning Deal"... he just couldn't help putting the mansion in his Cart.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

I hope you had a peaceful and joyous Easter with your Family and Friends!

*****

In a shocking move… Downey Fabric Softner announces that going forward, it’s famed “April Fresh” laundry product packaging will rotate labels to will make your clothes, “October Fresh”, “January Fresh”, etc”. It’s in an effort to be “More equitable to the other Months”.

- I thought it sounded like a pretty good idea until I thought about “February Fresh”. To be honest… that just doesn’t sound that appealing.

(April Fools!)

*****

The Pilot of a United Boeing 777 on it’s way from Germany to San Francisco was forced to return to the airport in Frankfurt after… “Poop” from a broken toilet overflowed, ran down the aisle and filled the entire cabin with a noxious odor.

- Go figure… The ONE time it would have been nice for a door to fall off and…. nothing.

*****

McDonald’s has announced plans to sell Krispy Kreme donuts.

-It’s part of their new “McHeart Attack Breakfast Menu”

*****

Transportation experts say soon… it won’t be uncommon to see fully autonomous (ie: SELF-DRIVING) 18-Wheelers on highways across America… and that the first “Humanless Big Rigs” will be on the road in Texas by the end of this year.

- Well if there’s no truck driver… Who’s gonna blow the horn when I’m driving down the highway, next to the truck, and I stick my arm out of the car window and make that pumping motion???

*****

Actor Jussie Smollett is appealing his 2021 disorderly conduct conviction, and according to the Associated Press, the Illinois Supreme Court has agreed to hear his case.

- Seriously, Jussie?? Talk about beating a dead horse!

*****

55 year old Will Smith says turning 50 changed his views on money. Smith… who is worth an estimated $350 MILLION claims he finally realized that money just buys “things” but that true happiness comes from “love and relationships”.

- Sounds like Will got hit with a little Common Sense. Or in his case, got Slapped by it.

- Then again… Will is more often the “Slapper” than the “Slappee”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

With Easter just a few days a way, Moms, Dads & of course the Easter Bunny are stocking up on sweet holiday treats. The biggest sellers this year: Chocolate Bunnies, Marshmallow Peeps, and the #1 Seller across the US: Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs.

- I love the Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs… but, being the health nut I am… I separate them and make myself a nice Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg-White Omelet! Yum!

*****

Tonight, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama will join President Biden for a one-night only $10,000 per person fundraiser at Radio City Music Hall in NYC. The money will go to Biden’s re-election campaign.

- Obama will hit up the big money donors, Joe will hit the Democrat talking points, and Bill will hit on the Rockettes.

*****

Medical experts are calling for over-50s to be taught about “Safe Sex” after rates of gonorrhea, chlamydia and syphilis have soared in Retirement Communities like “The Villages” in Florida.

- Well… they say those places have “Everything You Need!”… and apparently a few things you DON’T.

*****

On his Podcast, “Arnold’s Pump Club”, Ahhnold Schwarzenegger revealed that he had surgery to have a Pacemaker put in last week. He’s had three prior heart surgeries due to a genetic heart condition - But worry not… the Terminator was already out and about by Friday.

- They worked on his front… and he’s already “Bach”

*****

An Australian snake catcher had to make a house call after residents walked in on a pair of highly venomous serpents mating in the middle of their kitchen.

- The owner’s were like, “Have never heard of a bedroom??? And the snakes were like, “Have you ever heard of knocking first?”

*****

Disney+ is adding another gem to the long list of their documentaries with the upcoming title, “The Beach Boys.”

- But with Disney being so "Woke" and all... in the Documentary, half of the Beach "Boys" will actually be "Girls"... and you don't even want to know what they do when they're "In My Room"...

- "Would it be nice" if they just left things alone???

*****

RIP… Joe Lieberman, former Democratic senator who was Al Gore's running mate and later became a prominent force for independent candidates has died from complications from a fall at his home in Connecticut. He was 82.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

It's "National Country Music Song Titles Day"!

I’m not a huge country fan… but there’s a new song out that’s really catchy… It’s called: "There's Not Enough Bud Light in the World to Drink Dylan Mulvaney Pretty".

*****

President Joe Biden confused Baltimore commuters on Tuesday when he recalled traveling over Baltimore's Francis Scott Key bridge by train while commuting from Delaware "many, many times" over the years. Only problem... The Key bridge doesn’t have any Railroad tracks.

- But I say if you believe that… You’re a lying, dog face pony soldier!

*****

Dollar Tree has announced that it will raise its price cap to $7 as it experiences an influx of shoppers earning yearly salaries over $125,000, company officials said.

- So apparently when it comes to pricing… the Dollar Tree is “Branching” out.

*****

The New York Police Department is blitzing the subway system with 800 more cops over the next five days to hunt down fare-beaters.

- I'm to trying to be a naysayer here... but shouldn't New York be less worried about "Fare-Beaters" right now and concentrate a little more on "People-Beaters"???

*****

Well Shiver me timbers... there's another "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie in the works.

- But to make the new movie more "current", the new version will follow a band of swashbucklers as they cruise the high seas stealing Amazon Packages. It's tentatively titled: "Porch Pirates of the Caribbean"

*****

Danny DeVito has confirmed that he will be working with Arnold Schwarzenegger on a new movie.

- That’s the long and short of that story.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Thoughts and Prayers go out to those lost and still missing in the tragic Francis Scott Key Bridge disaster overnight in Baltimore… As of this writing, 2 of the 8 construction workers who were filling pot holes on the bridge at the time of the collapse have been rescued - one is in serious condition - the other miraculously survived unscathed. Six others are still unaccounted for. Officials say they don’t know how many passenger vehicles may have been on the bridge at the time… but thanks to the Cargo Ship sending out an SOS that they were in trouble, cars were stopped and “Lives were saved”. The FBI says no foul play is suspected at this time.

*****

Last night… the Department of Homeland Security conducted an Armed Raid on the home of Hip Hop Star Sean Puffy “P Diddy” Combs. The raids are “in connection with a federal sex trafficking investigation”… and took a really wild turn when Diddy boarded his private jet and reportedly took off for Antigua in the Bahamas. BUT… He was photographed at the Miami Airport and hasn’t been seen since…

- So… Did he flee the country? Did the feds arrest him?? It’s been hours and they’re not telling us DIDDY Squat!!!

*****

A recent survey of 2,000 adults reveals that a whopping 67% of Americans feel guilty when dining out.

- 50% say they feel guilt about the amount of money their spending… and the other 50% feel guilty about counting “Deep Fried Green Beans” as a serving of “Vegetables”.

*****

A new study confirms that Viagra cuts Alzheimer’s risk by over 50%.

- Thus the old expression… “You never forget your first time… or any time after that”.

*****

Things didn’t go too well for an Olympic skier when he testified on Capitol Hill Friday about the impact of climate change on the recreation industry. The 23-year-old struggled with basic facts… like insisting that carbon dioxide is a 'huge part of our atmosphere', before Senator John Kennedy of LA pointed out that it accounts for just 0.04%. The clearly out of his league skier responded, “Well, okay. But, yeah. I don't know”.

- I felt bad for the kid. II haven’t seen anybody sit in front of Congress and make that little sense since last week when AOC tried to explain that “RICO isn’t a Crime”. (It is, btw… “The Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act”)

*****

The internet is abuzz with rumors that Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce asked a popular LA gym to close down so they could work out all by themselves… leaving other gym members waiting outside for two hours yesterday.

- If the Gym was smart, they would have just sold tickets! I can see it now… “Taylor and Travis: The Treadmill Tour”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Kamala Harris was filmed smiling and clapping along with some Puerto Rican singers during her visit to San Juan, but stopped suddenly when an aide translated the lyrics which included“We want to know, Kamala, what did you come here for?"

- Three + years into her term as Vice President… I think we’d all like to know the answer to that question.

*****

“UGE” day for Donald Trump…

He’s in a NYC courtroom this morning for… (let me get out my special “Court Calendar”) the Stormy Daniels hush money case… Where he is charged with 34 counts of falsifying business records regarding over $130,000 in payments to the Porn Star.

- In his defense, it’s a whole lotta paperwork when you’re dealing with $130,000 in SINGLES.

*****

Meanwhile… An appeals court slashed former President Donald Trump's bond payment this morning from $454 MILLION to $175 MILLION… and gave him 10 days to pay it in order to appeal the Civil Fraud Allegations by NY AG Letitia James. He originally had to post all $454 MILLION by midnight tonight.

- I’m no Geoffrey Feiger… and my hair’s certainly not that spectacular… But isn’t it kind of Anti-American to have to pay $175 MILLION just for the right to go to court to try to prove that you shouldn’t have to pay the $454 MILLION in the first place??

*****

Scientists in Australia have identified a new species of Beetle that they say can hide from predators because it looks eerily similar to Bird Poop.

- It was discovered accidentally by a researcher who found it on his windshield after he’d just gotten his car washed.

*****

The CEO, COO and Chairman of the Board of Boeing are all stepping down at the end of the year as the plane maker continues to recover from the Alaska Airlines Door disaster and ongoing 737 Max safety issues.

- I’m sure they all end up with massive “Golden Parachutes”… Whereas there passengers would just be happy with regular old parachutes handed out before every flight.

*****

New York City experienced a rainfall record during Saturday’s storm with more than 3.6 inches recorded in Central Park.

- It was so wet that MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark

All the sweet, green icing flowing down

Someone left the cake out in the rain

I don't think that I can take it

'Cause it took so long to bake it

And I'll never have that recipe again

Oh, no…

(Btw… “MacArthur Park” is considered by Disc Jockey’s everywhere as “The Bathroom Break Song” because it was 7 minutes and 20 seconds long).

*****

Thoughts and Prayers to Princess Kate, Prince William and their Children as she begins treatment for Cancer. The Princess of Wales made the announcement in an emotional video posted to social media Friday after months of speculation about her whereabouts.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

---

During Tony Bobulinski’s testimony about the Biden Family in front of the House yesterday… New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (AOC) insisted that “RICO” (Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act) is NOT a Crime. (Which it is…)

- John Gotti’s gotta be rollin over in his grave.

- This is gonna come as a big surprise to Fani Willis and Nathan Wade down in Georgia.

*****

President Biden wandered off stage, headed directly toward a baby, and sat in the crowd as he was being introduced at a campaign event in Phoenix this week.

- Or as MSNBC reported it… “Robust President Biden Has In-Depth One-on-One Conversation With Young Voter”.

*****

Yesterday, the President of Mexico announced that his country will NOT accept any migrants back who have cross into the US illegally and are apprehended by officials in Texas. He says the Texas deportation policy is “Anti-Mexican”.

- Um… maybe I’m going out on a limb here… but isn’t keeping people - some of whom are MEXICAN - out of Mexico kind of “Anti-Mexican” as well???

*****

LA Dodgers co-owner owner Todd Boehly was caught in an unfortunate Viral TV moment during the MLB Series in Seoul, Korea. While watching the game from the stands, the Billionaire businessman was seen on camera sticking his fingers in his nose…. and then… in putting them in his mouth.

- As my Mother used to say… Does’t matter how much you dress them up, what schools you send them too, or how much money they have… Boys will be boys! (Although in the interest of full disclosure, I did see a woman do just that in a car at a traffic light next to me once. Once!)

*****

Beekeepers were summoned to a Mississippi highway to round up thousands of escaped Bees when the 18-wheeler hauling their hives overturned.

- According to Officer Winnie T. Pooh, it was part of a larger Sting Operation. (Bada Boom!)

*****

A Roman statue dating back almost 2,000 years and worth thousands of dollars has been discovered by construction workers building a parking lot in England.

- And I feel lucky if I can find a Parking Spot in a Parking Lot.

*****

A Florida couple was arrested for having sex on the sidewalk in front of a Popeyes Chicken restaurant, in plain view of passing motorists.

- It could have been worse. They could have done it in front of a “Five Guys” Hamburger location.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

During a contentious hearing in front of the House Oversight Committee, Hunter Biden’s Former business partner Tony Bobulinski said repeatedly that the President's son lied under oath while speaking to lawmakers earlier this year about his father's involvement in his business dealings.

- The bad news is… Hunter may have “Painted” himself into a corner by lying.

The good news is… He can sell that corner to a Shady Overseas Businessman for well over 6 figures!!!

*****

Fancy yourself a Lawyer but don't want to go through the hassle of taking the Bar?? Move to Washington State! According to the State Supreme Court, the Bar Exam "at best minimally effective for ensuring competent lawyers".

- I'm pretty sure they came to this conclusion after watching lovebirds Fani Willis and her boyfriend Nathan Wade prosecute the Trump case in Georgia.

*****

If a bill that would force Beijing-based parent company ByteDance to sell its stake in Tik-Tok is signed into law... Americans could lose access to the App in as little as a month.

- Where am I gonna post my homemade dance videos???

*****

Donald Trump has once again hinted that if he is re-elected, Prince Harry could be deported if he is found to have lied about his drug use when he applied for a Visa.

- I’m pretty sure there’s a whole lotta people who would prefer Trump deport Meghan, FIRST.

*****

The inner windshield of an Alaska Airlines plane cracked as it landed in Oregon in the latest issue involving a Boeing jet.

- Luckily, they called Safelite who came out and fixed the windshield right on the runway! So the pilot was able to go into the airport lounge, get liquored up, and get right back to flying!

- Sing with me... "Safelight Repair... Safelite Replace!"

*****

Army personnel were called to a Quebec home when the deceased owner's daughter made a surprising discovery in a toolbox: a live grenade.

- Her Dad had told her he left her a surprise in his Will that would "blow her away"... but apparently that’s not what she had in mind.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Hurray! Hurray! It’s the First Day of Spring!

You know what that means to us Michiganders! It’s time to start wearing our Snow Boots WITHOUT the Fur Lining!!!! 🥳

*****

Joe Biden’s new “boat anchor” shoes are getting a lot of attention… but the White House says the shoes, called “Hoka Transports” are designed for maximum “stability,” as the president’s falls continue to spark concern.

- In the Old Days we knew the President would Stand Up for America… Now we’re supposed to be happy if the President can just stay standing up.

*****

People from across the globe took to Social Media to list the “Obvious Signs that Someone is an American” when they encounter them visiting Europe. Among the “You Must Be An American…” traits: Making eye contact and smiling, being too friendly & tipping too much.

- When I was over in France… I noticed that most American tourists wore white sneakers but none of the French people wear white tennis. They carry a lot of white flags… but no white tennis shoes.

*****


A new survey finds that nearly half of all married Japanese couples are “sexless”… with the men saying their wives are not “open to their advances”.

- Hint to guys: She might be more receptive if you don’t sneak up on her… like you did at Pearl Harbor!

*****

Stop the Presses! After months of rumors and speculation regarding Daniel Craig’s successor… it appears we have our new James Bond! 33 year old British actor Aaron Taylor-Johnson has officially been offered the role.

- Now we just need to wait for him to accept… and for me to Google Aaron Taylor-Johnson and find out who the heck he is.

*****

Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift were spotted holding hands on a romantic tropical vacation in an undisclosed location.

- I’ll let you know where they are as soon as their reps leak the info to the press!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

At the annual Gridiron Dinner Saturday night, President Biden joked that, “One candidate’s too old and mentally unfit to be president…and the other guy’s me.”

- It was really funny… until everybody realized Joe didn’t remember “the other guy’s” name.

*****

Oprah Winfrey displayed her new svelte physique as she walked the red carpet at the 2024 NAACP Image Awards on Saturday.

- She was so excited about dropping the extra pounds she offered to give everybody she saw a “New COMPACT Car!!!!!”

*****

The mystery of “KateGate” continues… with the Palace now saying William and Kate went shopping at a local Plant Nursery over the weekend - BUT - and it’s a Kim Kardashian sized BUT - there were no photographs taken to document the event. So… Was Kate really there? Where is she? Is she okay?

- I haven’t had this many questions since my Mother and Father sat me down and told me our dog had gone to live on a farm in Upstate New York with my Uncle Ozmer and Aunt Bertha.

*****

A New York City Burger King was hit with a $15-million-dollar lawsuit after it was accused of allowing an “open air drug bazaar” run by “professional” dealers… meaning people could get Meth or Coke when they dropped by for a Whopper and Fries.

- Well, the Burger King jingle DID SAY that “Special Order’s Don’t Upset” them.

*****

The results of a recent study suggest that restaurant patrons can be encouraged to tip a little extra if there’s a smiley-face emoji printed alongside the suggested gratuity on their check.

- And the evil, dagger eyed glare of the kid when they point to the computer screen and ask if you want to add a tip doesn’t hurt either.

*****

Health experts said that the best way to avoid a Hangover is to simply avoid drinking.

- Well it’s awfully nice of them to come out with that Info the day AFTER St. Patrick’s Day…

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

The internet has exploded over what’s being called “#KateGate”… the mystery of what’s going on with Prince William’s wife Kate Middleton. She’s been MIA since a pre-planned abdominal surgery in January. Then last week, she posted a pic of herself and her kids on Social Media that was clearly photoshopped. She apologized (Something the Royal Family RARELY does) leading to even more speculation about WHAT’S GOING ON???

- Some people are speculating that she’s ill…. Some think she and William are having Marital problems… About the only thing people agree on is that if one of the Royal Sisters-in-law had to “Go Missing” for a while…. most say they wish it was Meghan Markle.

*****

An American Airlines Boeing 777 with 249 people on board made an emergency landing in Los Angles after the pilot reported a 'mechanical problem' - the 6th incident in just over week for Boeing and days after a whistleblower was set to testify against the company allegedly killed himself.

- If this keeps up, this company may end up being… “Boeing, Boeing… Gone”.

*****

A new California bill would ban public schools from serving foods containing certain artificial dyes and additives, including Doritos, Gatorade, and Welch’s fruit snacks.

- That news again: In California… they’re cool with your son deciding to become your daughter without telling you… but God forbid they eat a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

*****

A survey of 2,000 Americans who are married or living with their partner, finds that 36% appreciate when either they or their partner isn’t at home, so they don’t have to share the bed.

- Well, except with the Dog.

*****

Residents of a city in western Japan have been warned to stay away from a Cat after it fell into a tank of poisonous chemicals.

- Read all about it in the new book: “The Cat in the Vat”.

*****

“The Batman 2” has reportedly been delayed by a year and won’t hit theaters until 2026.

- First they try to Defund the Police….. and now “Batman” is Delayed??

*****

77-year-old Cheech Marin and 85-year-old Tommy Chong arrived with a giant joint at a premiere of their documentary “Cheech And Chong's Last Movie.”

- It’s crazy… When Cheech and Chong first started smoking Pot they had to lie and say it was for their Gluacoma. And now? It actually is.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

It’s National Alfred Hitchcock Day - Yes... Today we celebrate the man who singlehandedly made an entire generation of people afraid to: Take a Shower, Look out the Rear Window, or do anything that involves Birds!

*****

Despite curfews and a massive increase in police presence, Miami Beach officials say they're overrun with crowds of scantily clad spring breakers pounding drinks and taking over the beaches and city streets.

- Somewhere, at this very moment, Bill Clinton is filling out an application to be a Police Officer in Miami Beach.

*****

A recent study finds that 47% of Parents still financially support their Adult Children.

- Well, duh! Who do you think gave the "Spring Breakers" the money to go to Miami Beach??? Their parents wanted to get them out of their basements for a week!

*****

A new study finds that drinking a 2-liter bottle of soda weekly is linked to the Cardiac condition called “Atrial Fibrillation" or "A-Fib".

- To be honest... It kinda SOUNDS like the name of a Soda Pop. I can hear it now... "I'll have a Cheese Burger, Fries... and a Diet A-Fib with extra Ice!"

*****

New York City was hit with high winds yesterday... with gusts reaching up to 50 miles per hour.

- It was so windy, the The Statue of Liberty's Skirt Blew up and she accidentally flashed the Empire State Building.

*****

Hundreds of people tired of having to drive 55 miles to Oshawa, Ontario for their favorite Arby’s Roast Beef Sandwiches… protested there to try and pressure the fast food chain to open a location in their home town of Toronto.

- I can’t believe they drove 55 miles for a Roast Beef Sandwich! Why didn’t they Skate??

- The Canadian Roast Beef lovers yelled "We WANT the Meats!"... Well, actually, "We WANT the Meats, Eh?"

*****

RIP… Singer-songwriter Eric Carmen, frontman of the pop-rock band the Raspberries and songs such as "All By Myself", “Never Gonna Fall in Love Again” and "Hungry Eyes," has died at age 74. No cause of death was given.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Last night’s 46th Annual Academy Awards saw plenty of leg and cleavage on display…

- And that was just from the guys.

Specifically… Wrestler turned actor, John Cena who ended up on stage completely naked (save a tiny cardboard sign over his manhood) to present the award for “Best Costume Design”. It was supposed to be an “homage” to the “Streaker” who ran across the stage while David Niven was introducing Elizabeth Taylor 50 years ago at the 1974 Oscars.

- I remember at the time, Liz said the Streaker reminded her less of her film “Giant” and more of the movie “Father’s Little Dividend”.

*****

President Biden apologized for something he considered a mistake in Thursday night’s State of the Union speech… Not for mispronouncing Laken Riley’s name… but for calling the migrant from Venezuela who murdered her an “Illegal”.

- Well I don’t know about you… but I feel A LOT better now.

*****

Archeologists in Turkey say they have discovered the world’s oldest known Bread, dating back to 6600 BC.

- It’s led them to start a new list: The 7 Ancient Wonder Breads of the World.

*****

A new survey out of Missouri finds that 70% of teachers in the state have considered leaving the profession.

- Teachers in nearby states say they have no idea “M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P—P- WHY?” the teachers would want to quit.

*****

A former stripper claims to have sold Prince Harry’s underwear for $250,000-dollars to a San Diego strip club boss owner who is “trying to build a shrine” to Harry.

- So it you can’t afford a trip to London to see the Royal Family Jewels… You can always go see Harry’s Underwear in San Diego where to see where “the jewels” used to be stored.

*****

A new study suggests that obesity may run in the family.

- It particularly runs in a family where nobody runs.

*****

RIP… Singer Steve Lawrence who died March 7th at age 88 from complications of Alzheimer’s Disease. His longtime wife and singing partner Edie Gorme died in August of 2013.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Tonight at 9pm all eyes will be on the U.S. Capitol as President Biden addresses both chambers of Congress, the Supreme Court and the American Public as he delivers the annual State of the Union Speech. Pundits are expecting him to say that State of the Union between Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift… is good!

*****

Capitol Police are busy putting up a giant fence around the Capitol to make sure no protestors are able to get in and cause a disruption during tonight’s State of the Union Address.

- You know what they say about Fences… “They make Great Neighbors… Except, of course… at the Southern Border of your Country”.

*****

If you thought women were the only ones who liked to get Pedicures… think again. Basketball great Shaquille O’Neal says he regularly shells out $1000 to get his toenails done because he has, “Ugly, stinky feet”. Shaq added that he likes, “Sparkles and designs”.

- I’m not sure I needed to know that. I’m not sure you needed to know that. But now we both do. So there.

*****

A lightning strike led to the destruction of a California town’s only Post Office and shut down mail delivery.

- The Postmaster asked us to remind residents… “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds”… then added, “But notice we didn’t say DIDDLY SQUAT about lightning”.

*****

A new report says that traditional Spring Break hotspots such as California, Florida, and Texas are preparing for an influx of college students over the next two months.

- How come we get a report warning about an influx of “Spring Breakers” but not about “Illegal Migrants”???

*****

According to a new survey… a majority of Americans don’t trust car dealerships.

- But if you let them go in the back and talk to their manager for a minute… they might able to come up with a little something to make you change your mind.

*****

A heroic pilot helped deliver a baby in an airplane bathroom during a recent flight to Thailand.

- The pilot says he now plans to retire saying… “I’ve seen it all. Everything from the Mile High Club to the Birth of a Baby. My job here is done.”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Nikki Haley officially suspended her Presidential campaign this morning after winning just one state in yesterday’s Super Tuesday primaries - leaving Trump as the presumptive Republican nominee.

- Talk about a nail biter.

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Meanwhile… President Biden won easily in all of the Democratic Primaries… except for one. A previous unknown write-in candidate named Jason Palmer earned 61 votes to Biden’s 40… taking all 6 delegates in American Samoa.

- Biden says he’s disappointed… and so am I. Samoa’s have always been my favorite Girl Scout Cookies.

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The Supreme Court is in the Spotlight after ruling to keep former President Trump on presidential primary ballots one day before dozens of states cast their votes in the biggest primary election of the 2024 cycle.

- Reaction was swift… Republican were happy. Some Democrats called for the Supreme Court to be Expanded or Disbanded. And Joe Biden asked for Diana Ross and the Supremes to sing “Stop! In the Name of Love”.

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Rihanna performed in India at the pre-wedding celebration for a Billionaire and his Bride and is now being slammed for putting on a “lackluster” and “boring” show.

- I wouldn’t want to be the Groom when the Wedding Night reviews come in…

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New research finds that taking FIBER Supplements every day boosts BRAIN function in just 12 weeks.

- And some OTHER functions in about 12 HOURS.

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The concert movie “Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour (Taylor's Version)” is set to stream on Disney+ one day earlier than planned — It will be available on March 14th instead of the 15th.

- Well now I have to rearrange my whole schedule…

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

THIS JUST IN…

The Supreme Court - in a 9 to 0 Unanimous Verdict - sided with President Trump… Rejecting Colorado’s decision to take him off the Ballot - meaning Trump WILL REMAIN on the Ballot in all 50 States. The Unanimous verdict - by both Liberal and Conservatives justices - adds credence to the belief that the attempt to remove Trump from the ballot was politically - and not legally - motivated.

Next up: Tomorrow’s “Super Tuesday”… With Republican and Democrat primary voters heading to the polls in a whopping 15 States.

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It’s “World Obesity Day”… As of 2022, more than one BILLION people — 43% of adults were “Obese” Worldwide… and out of 200 countries surveyed… the US comes in at #36.

- #36? We can do better than that!!! We’re AMERCA for Pete’s sake!! Come on people!!! Eat something!!! We can be #1 !!!

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Jennifer Aniston has sparked engagement rumors after she posed at the SAG Awards while wearing a giant diamond ring on her left hand.

- But… as always, Jen said she and her mystery man are, just “F*R*I*E*N*D*S”.

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Sam’s Club is test marketing a new airport-style scanner with AI cameras that takes pics of everything in a shoppers cart and confirms it’s been paid for on their phone app. That means shoppers can walk out without ever dealing with a cashier or having their receipt checked.

- You get all of the excitement of Looting without any of the guilt of actually Stealing stuff.

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Police in Chicago are on the lookout for a group of teens who organized a car heist at a Range Rover dealership and took off with a dozen vehicles.

- On a bright note… You gotta love team work!

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It’s “Fun Facts About Names Day”! So I looked up a few thing about about the people who bring you this blog everyday… Jackie and me!

Turns out “Jacqueline” (Jackie’s full name) is said to be honest, benevolent, brilliant and often inventive, full of high inspirations, courageous, honest, determined, original and creative. And I’m “Richard”… but I go by “Dick”…

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

It’s Leap Day! February 29th… The “Bonus Day” we get once every 4 years. According to NASA, Earth actually takes 365 days, 5 hours, 48 minutes and 46 seconds to complete an orbit around the Sun. Over 4 years… that time adds up to an extra day. There are many ways to approach this… You can take a Leap of Faith… Make a Giant Leap Forward… But most importantly… Don’t Forget To Look Before You Leap!

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A new study found that despite most people thinking of psychopaths as Men, FEMALE psychopaths are surprisingly common. And they say the signs to look out for are: insincerity, deceitfulness, antagonism, lack of empathy and no emotional depth.

- The study also found the female psychopaths tend to hang out together in groups… by watching “The View”.

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President Biden had his annual Physical at Walter Reed Medical Center yesterday and… Surprise! Surprise! his doctor says he’s a “Robust 81 year old” who’s healthy and fully capable of carrying out the duties of Commander in Chief.

- Word is Joe did so well at the appointment, he got TWO Dum-Dums and a Superman Sticker on his way out of his Pediatricians office.

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Cops had to be called after a man in Key Largo showed up at his sisters wedding… then verbally and physically assaulted her & several of her guests while out on the dance floor.

- Maybe he was just trying to be a “Macho, Macho Man!” and it got out of hand?? Those Village People songs can really get the crowd worked up!

- My Dad… who was in his late 90’s by the time my youngest daughter, Julie, got married… used to do the “Y.M.C.A.” like a madman! Of course he didn’t always get the letters out right… It looked more like he was spelling out “A.A.R.P.” but he had a helluva time!

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An Oregon woman earned a Guinness World Record for her unusually sized tongue, which has a circumference of 5.21 inches.

- This story reminded me of a joke I heard once… I just can’t remember who told it. He was talking about eating at a Deli in New York with a friend who tried to get him to order a Tongue Sandwich. He refused. His friend asked why. He said, “I’m uncomfortable eating anything that can taste me back”.

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Walt Disney World has put 2025 tickets on sale, and prices for many tickets have gone up from 2024 pricing which were already up from the year before.

- It may be a Small World After all, But It’s Gonna Cost You Big Bucks if you want to be part of it.

- It’s getting so expensive at Disney… Snow White is trying to get the Seven
Dwarves kicked out for being “Squatters” so she can turn her Cottage into a Vacation Rental Property.

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RIP… Comedian and “Curb Your Enthusiasm” actor Richard Lewis who was known for his dark, neurotic, and self-deprecating humor has died at 76 after a 6 year battle with Parkinson’s Disease. Had him on the show a couple times… A really terrific guy!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

A 114-year-old woman in Texas has become the oldest living American! Houston resident Elizabeth Francis is now the country’s oldest documented living person at 114 years, 7 months and 2 days old as of yesterday! Then again, nobody’s actually heard from her yet this morning…

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Speaking of Birthdays…

An Oklahoma woman is about to turn 100 years old, but it’s really only her 25th birthday. Mary Forsythe was born on Feb. 29, 1924, which was leap day. Since leap years only come around every four years, she will technically celebrate her 25th birthday tomorrow.

- And might I say… for an almost 25 year old, she doesn’t look a day over 99! Congrats Mary!

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A new report says that Gisele Bündchen’s boyfriend, Joaquim Valente, is spending most nights at her Miami home. He’s a jiu-jitsu instructor, so he’s helping Giselle learn how to defend herself.

- And as an ex-wife of an NFL Quarterback… Giselle is teaching HIM how to complete his passes and score.

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Canada has just donated $4 million bucks toward an effort to clear landmines in Ukraine… But only if they do it in a Gender-Inclusive manner. That’s right… part of that money will “Establish a gender and diversity working group to promote gender-transformative mine action in Ukraine."

- Well I don’t know about you… but when I want a land mine diffused in my backyard… I want to make sure it’s diffused by someone from a truly DIVERSE background! Preferably A female Latino Pansexual. And I’d also really appreciate it if they were up to date on all their Covid Boosters. And double masked if at all possible. 🙄

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According to a new survey in the UK, 37% of people would let a bird poop on them because they think it’s Good Luck.

- If a bird pooping on you is “Good Luck”… Then every time I go to the car wash, my car turns into a Four-Leaf Clover with Rabbit-Foot Seats.

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A writer for the NY Times says he was “cast out and chastised” for naming Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich as his favorite sandwich during an orientation session when he was hired at the paper. Why? Well… the Human Resources rep told him, “We don't do that here. They hate gay people”.

- To stick with the “Sandwich” theme here… What a bunch of Bologna.

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RIP… McCanna Anthony “Mac” Sinise… musician and son of actor Gary Sinese has died after a 5 1/2 year battle with an extremely rare form of Spine Cancer. He was 33.

So tragic… Gary has done so much for America’s sons and daughters through his tireless support of U.S. Troops and Veteran’s to lose a child of his own… Prayers to him, his son Mac, and the entire Sinise family.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Thanks to all of you who donated to last Friday’s 37th Salvation Army Radiothon Benefiting the Bed & Bread Club! With your generous support, we raised $1,637,238!!! That money is already at work… feeding and sheltering hundreds of men, women and children right here in the Metro Detroit area - every single day 365 days a year.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank You!

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It’s National “For Pete’s Sake Day”! So do something to celebrate for Pete’s sake!

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81 year old Barbra Streisand got a lifetime Achievement award at the SAG/AFTRA awards Saturday night.

- For those of you that don’t know… “AFTRA” - is the “American Federation of Television & Radio Actors”… and “SAG” is what happens to all of us after about age 50.

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Newly released records from the Secret Service reveal that First Family’s German Sheppard, Commander was actually involved in at least 25 biting incidents in less than a year.

- The Secret Service got so desperate to remove the dog from the Oval Office, they finally lied to President Biden and told him that Commander had voted for Donald Trump.

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Last night… Hundreds of residents of Kanawha City, West Virginia held a candlelight vigil to mark the closing of that’s states very last Hooter’s restaurant… which never re-opened after the Pandemic.

- No now if you want to view any Blue Ridge “Mountains” in West Virginia… you’re gonna have to settle for John Denver’s “Country Roads”.

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Delta, United and American Airlines were among the top 20 global carriers that raked in $33.3 BILLION just from baggage fees alone in 2023.

- And this year there going to make even more… byadding an extra $20 charge for the “Emotional Baggage” you’ll be carrying after the door on your plane falls off mid-flight.

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Over the weekend, singer Miley Cyrus revealed she was a “penis enthusiast”…

- Well okay. Good to know.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick