New video shows President Biden tripping, stumbling, and almost falling as he tried to walk across a sandy beach near his Delaware home. (And his wife, Jill didn’t even try to help him).

- I think we’ll all sleep better knowing Joe is storming the Beaches of Delaware… and not Normandy.

*****

Questions about how genuine those Celeb endorsements of Kamala Harris were… now that the checks have cleared. Turns out her campaign coughed up big cash:

Beyonce……… $10 MILLION

Megan Thee Stallion………$5 MILLLION

Lizzo………. $2.3 MILLION

Eminem……….. $1.8 MILLION

Oprah $1 MILLION (although Oprah has denied she personally received payment - it went to her productions company, HARPO)

-That’s how much the celebs were paid for their endorsements. I think that’s called putting YOUR money where THEIR mouth is.

*****

Students at Universities in Washington, Oregon and other states around the country are finishing up the week off they were given to deal with the "Trauma" of Trump winning the election. Schools offered students - including GRAD SCHOOLS - calming music, coloring books, arts & crafts and emotional support animals to "hug" during this stressful time.

- Wait til they graduate and find out their parents aren't going to pay their cell phone bills anymore. 😂😂😂

*****

A new study finds that platforms like TikTok and Instagram can pressure guys to keep working towards a more muscular physique, even if they are already fit.

- Tell me about it!

*****

Three new toys were inducted into the National Hall of Fame this Year… My Little Pony, Phase 10, and Transformers.

Ripped off again… my Pet Rock!

*****

A woman in Thailand had to endure severe pain for nearly two decades after medical staff left a needle in her birth canal while she was delivering her child… and it was only found when she complained of pain years later.

- A little surprised her HUSBAND didn’t mention anything 😲

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Biden’s team is said to be putting the blame for the Dem’s Election loss squarely on one person’s shoulder’s: Nancy Pelosi. They say if she hadn’t forced Biden out of the race… Joe would have been able to defeat Trump.

-That’s up for Debate… (Of course the “Debate” is what got this whole Roller Coaster going in the first place!)

*****

Kamala Harris called President Trump yesterday to congratulate him on his Victory and to assure him that she would assist in a smooth transition of power.

- It's nice to know that after all the name calling and mud-slinging, she's there to help... Willing to help Trump unburden his administration of what has been.

*****

Kamala finally came out and made her concession speech about 4:30 yesterday afternoon - more than 12 hours after Trump crossed the magic 270 Electoral Vote number.

Now we can all get back to what’s important… Watching those annoying commercials with Martha in the giant black glasses telling us we only have a few more weeks to sign up for our Medicare Part B Advantage Plan!

*****

During an episode of her “Let’s Be Honest” podcast, Kristin Cavallari, ex-wife of Miami Dolphin’s Quarterback Jay Cutler said that she will only date a man who’s had a vasectomy.

I was going to listen to the whole interview.. but all I could find was a little snippet.

*****

The Late Night Show Hosts are losing their minds over Trump's victory… Jimmy Fallon said that America “got back together with its crazy ex” while Stephen Colbert hysterically admitted he's “not doing great”. He then thanked everyone on his crew and tried to make the point that people who hated Trump were “not alone”.

- Well you know what they say... “Misery loves company”.

*****

MSNBC consulted a doctor on ways to navigate to stress now that Donald Trump has been elected... including "Deep breathing", "Taking breaks from News & Social Media", "Being Kind to Yourself", & "Naming five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste". (TRUE)

- For example... the thing the Harris/Walz campaign is "tasting" right now is "Defeat".

*****

Experts say the Election results showed a wide rejection of the lefts "Woke" agenda.

- Ironically, America has finally AWAKENED to the fact that it doesn't want to be WOKE anymore.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Former President Trump celebrated Halloween a day early… rolling up to a campaign stop in Wisconsin in a Garbage Truck, taking reporters questions from the passenger’s seat… then delivering his speech at the rally while wearing a sanitation workers vest. The move came in response to President Biden referring to all of President Trump’s supporters as “Garbage”.

-Looks like Joe set off a bit of a Dumpster Fire.

*****

Note to Trick or Treaters who may be stopping by my Neighborhood tonight:

As per usual… I will be waiting for the doorbell - with a big pot of Chunky Soup and my ladle in hand!!

See you there!

*****

The Dodgers became the first Major League Baseball team ever to comeback from a 5 run deficit in a Game 5 comeback to take the World Series last night … 4 games to 1 over the Yankees. Just moments after the victory, excited Dodgers fans in LA lit a bus, looted a NIKE store, and threw lit fireworks at Cops.

Oh wait… it turns out they were going to do that anyway.

*****

Arnold Schwarzenegger endorsed Kamala Harris for president in a lengthy X (Twitter) post yesterday.

- He’ll be explaining his decision in more detail when he joins Kamala’s husband, Doug Emhoff for a “Dudes-Who-Knock-Up-Their-Nannies for Kamala” Call later today.

*****

During a recent interview, Tom Hanks admitted that he “made every mistake” as a father. I

-Well… Having kids is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.

*****

According to a new survey of 2000 lunch eaters… Americans' # 1 Favorite Sandwich is…… Grilled Cheese! 42% of us say its our fav followed by Chicken (40%), Turkey (30%) Ham (27%) Tuna (24%), Egg (21%), PB&J (21%) and Meatball. (19%)

-And that’s NO Baloney!

*****

A new study found that half of young Americans between the ages of 12 and 17 spend at least four hours each day on their Smartphones.

- And ironically, I’m afriad it’s making them dumber with each passing hour.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Six years ago today my wife Gail passed away from complications after a 22 years long battle with Ovarian Cancer. The girls and I miss & love her than you can possibly know.❤️

So sorry to see that actress Teri Garr has died of after a decades long battle with Multiple Sclerosis at the age of 79. Garr… who got her start as a background dancer in Elvis movies - was a unique blend of pretty, quirky and funny that you don’t see that often in Hollywood. She was in “Tootsie” with Dustin Hoffman and in one of my all time FAVORITE movies… “Young Frankenstein”… where she played the Brilliant Gene Wilder’s assistant, “Inga”.

“Put. The Candle. Back.”

I love that line and ’m lauging just thinking about it.

Rest in Peace, Teri.

*****

Half the people in this country woke up feeling like Garbage this morning. Why? Because last night, that’s what Joe Biden called Trump Supporters.

- The preceding story was brought to you by those big green GFL Garbage trucks with the yellow letters on the side.

*****

A new survey finds that 65% of Americans aren’t confident in the safety and reliability of Cryptocurrency.

And of that 70%… Half think “Cryptocurrency” is one of the Dinosaurs from Jurassic Park.

*****

Chinese scientists recently unveiled an innovative new type of building material they hope will be used to build the world’s first inhabitable houses on the surface of the moon.

- And those new houses will need new windows! So look no further than Wallside! They ARE the factory!

*****

Lionsgate Studios has announced that Johnny Depp will star in their new movie “Day Drinker.”

- No word on his leading lady… but my money’s on Nancy Pelosi or Britney Spears.

*****

Kanye West has reportedly purchased a $35 million mansion in Beverly Hills after remodeling his former Malibu estate into a “bomb shelter.”

- These days, who among us hasn’t at least considered investing in a bomb-shelter Time-Share somewhere Warm?

*****

RIP… Lee Alan… Detroit Radio Personality for many years has died just days short of his 90th Birthday.

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

P.S. Happy Birthday to my #3 Daughter, Jill today!!!! ❤️

Tom Selleck says he's "frustrated" by CBS's decision to cancel his popular Cop show "Bluebloods" after 14 seasons and says he thinks the network has "taken the show for granted".

-Now that Tom's out of a job... Money's gonna be tight. I wonder if he's thought about a Reverse Mortgage?

*****

A new report says that New Jersey was once home to a fiery volcano roughly the size of Mount St. Helens.

It's true. Chris Christie used to toast Marshmallows over it when he wanted S'mores.

*****

A man and woman have been arrested after their “amorous” actions at an Australian train station damaged a water pipe and flooded several platforms.

- Talk about the Little Engine that Could!

*****

Two Social Media “Influencers” were lost at sea after refusing to wear life jackets while taking selfies on a Yacht off the coast of Brazil known as the Devil’s Throat. Friends say they refused the vests because they didn’t want to have “embarrassing” tan lines in their pics on Instagram.

- If they think the tan lines are embarrassing… wait til they check out the obituary.

*****

Tom Brady’s ex-Wife Giselle Bunchen is pregnant! The 44 year old model announced that she’s expecting a child with her Ju-Jitsu Trainer boyfriend - two years after splitting from the Quarterback. According to celeb website TMZ.com, Bunchen is 5 or 6 months along - so we can expect a delivery early in 2025.

- To put this in Football terms: We’re in the 2nd Half, 3rd Quarter… And it looks like Giselle pulled a Quarterback Sneak on Tom. 😏 🏈

*****

ELECTION DAY IS ONE DAY FROM TODAY!!! But You Can Vote NOW!!!! Make Your Voice Heard!!!!!

🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

So… What a weekend, eh?

The Lions crushed the Titans 52-14… at Ford Field in Detroit.

Michigan pulled it out over MSU 24-17… at Michigan Stadium in Ann Arbor.

And depending on which channel you watched… there was either a Pro-Trump Patriotic, Make America Great Again Rally or a replay of 1939 pro-Nazi Rally at Madison Square Garden in New York City. The ridiculous comparison has led to some prominent voices demanding the network(s) have three broadcasts licenses revoked.

At least in Sports you always know the actual score.

*****

Trump sat down for a three hour interview with Podcaster Joe Rogan Friday and told him that that he once told Kim Jong Un that he should “just relax” and “go to the beach.”

But Kim was afraid he wouldn’t look as good in a bathing suit as Joe Biden.

*****

A recent national survey found that most people are actually OPPOSED to using injectable weight loss drugs instead of simply making diet changes.

-When it comes to taking off weight… People are actually willing to give dieting a Shot.

*****

An Italian man has been struggling to adjust to daily life following a hit-and-run accident that put him in a coma and ultimately erased 39 years’ worth of memories. He can’t even remember his own family.

-Thanksgivings gonna be a hoot at his house this year.

*****

Police in Miami say they’ve busted a. man who stole a trailer filled with $100,000 worth of frozen bacon.

- Consider this today’s “Slice of Life” story.

*****

An Alabama husband and wife duo may have broken a Guinness World Record by growing an Okra plant that reached a height of 16 feet, 10 inches.

- Needless to say, Their mama and daddy are soooooo proud!

- Just kidding. Hey… Didn’t Okra just endorse Kamala Harris?

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesdat!

-Dick

With less than two weeks to go until Election Day... the gloves are officially off with both campaigns fighting to get out their final message and land their final blows against their opponent. As of this writing… Pundits say the race is pretty much too close to call.

*****

A CNN legal expert says that President Biden's comments about locking up former President Trump were “profoundly stupid.”

- Well that’s always been my motto. When I’m going to be ”stupid" I alway try to be “Profoundly Stupid".

*****

A study of 1,000 adults from seven swing states found that 61% of parents are worried about whether their children will be able to buy a home as they get older.

- The the other 49% just opened the door to the basement and yelled down, "Hey... Don't forget. Rent due on Friday.”

*****

Arizona has seen the steepest housing cost increase at 38%.

But it’s a dry housing cost increase.

*****

The first 22 seasons of the popular “Pokémon” series have found a new streaming home for free in the United States.

- Thank goodness! I'm a big fan of Pikachu but I'm only through season 15 and I'm tired of paying an arm and a leg for it!

*****

According to a new book, John Lennon once had “loud, raucous sex” with a woman at a party — and his wife, Yoko Ono, could hear the entire ordeal.

- Well I “Imagine” that didn't go over too well.

*****

A recent survey from Realtor.com reveals that about 23% of Americans say Politics influence their decision on where to live.

For example… If you’re conservative, you tend to live in suburban and rural areas, and if your Liberal - you threaten to leave the Country if Trump wins.

*****

A Malaysian woman who took care of her bedridden husband for six years following a car accident recently announced that he divorced her and married another woman following his recovery.

She made his bed. And now he's gonna lie in it with someone else.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

A new poll finds 2 in 5 Americans will experience “Daylight Saving Anxiety” when getting ready to set our clocks back an hour on Sunday, November 3rd.

- Well, Duh… That means we have to wait ANOTHER HOUR to find out who won the election on Tuesday, November 5th. Like this thing hasn’t gone on long enough…

*****

During a speech yesterday, President Biden said that we need to lock former President Trump up in Prison.

-Well that is a step down from trying to take him out completely!

-*****

To keep traffic flowing... a New Zealand airport posted a sign in its drop-off zone asking passengers and their drivers to limit their farewell hugs to a maximum of three minutes.

- By next week, the airlines will be allowing you one free hug and kiss if you’re in Business Class - but if you fly economy, you’re gonna have to pay extra for a hug or check your emotions at the gate.

*****

A recent study found that superhero movies can promote prosocial behavior — actions that benefits other people or society.

For example, Superman can inspire people to do do Super-Human feats... and Batman inspires guys to wear tights, a cape and drive around in a convertible chasing a giant Penguin.

*****

Authorities in Hong Kong say they arrested an older man on suspicion of indecent exposure after residents reported seeing him exercising in a public park in the nude.

-Wait… that’s not something you’re supposed to do? (Asking for a friend)

*****

During a recent interview, Patriots Owner Robert Kraft revealed how Tom Brady broke the news that he was leaving the team back in 2020. Kraft said that Brady came over to his house and started crying.

- That’s the same thing players used to do when they found out they been drafted by the Lions.

NOTICE I said USED TO DO!!!!! That was THEN. This is NOW!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

A new survey finds that an overwhelming majority of teens and young adults are worried about how climate change will affect their future.

My friends and I didn’t worry about “Climate Change” We called it “Weather”. Hot in the Summer. Cold in the Winter. As long as we had a Hose and a Shovel… we were good.

*****

Kamala Harris is taking heat for holding a Town Hall Meeting that only allowed “Pre-determined” questions to be asked… in other words - another scripted event. NBC’s Maria Shriver was forced to admit it to the audience when asked live on the air by a viewer.

- Well as long as we can get Putin and Xi to agree to submit questions/statements ahead of time, you know before any bombings/nuclear attacks that kind of thing… we should be cool if she wins, right?

*****

Medical researchers say music might do more than just lift your spirits – it could actually help you recover faster after surgery.

For instance if you’re having Gallbladder surgery… you might want to listen to The Rolling Stones.

*****

A study of 2,000 nationally representative Americans revealed that 36 days of our year are lost to scrolling, streaming, and bingeing content on our phones, computers and TVs.

- I keep this blog short so I only waste a few minutes of your time. Your welcome.

*****

An Idaho man set a Guinness World Record by blowing a playing card across a room 33 feet in a single breath.

-What’s the Deal with that?

*****

Congrats to Britney Spears who says she’s “Married Herself”… The troubled pop star posted a photo of herself wearing a white silk nightgown and a lace veil in the living room of her mansion. This is Brittney’s 4th marriage.

-And sadly, at this point, I’m pretty sure she’s registered at ‘Bed, Bath and Beyond Need of an Intervention”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

It’s International Day of the Nacho. I Say Order Extra Refried Beans and Let the Chips Fall Where they May!!!

*****

Donald Trump told a story about Arnold Palmer at a rally in Pennsylvania that ended with the former Commander-in-Chief insinuating that the Golf legend’s manhood was legendary.

Apparently Arnold Palmer was a real Milton Berle.

*****

Speaking of Trump... Cars lined up for blocks as he donned an apron, made Fries & worked the drive thru window of a McDonald's in Pennsylvania Sunday.

- Not to be outdone... the Harris Campaign announced that later today, Kamala will be doing Five Guys. Wait... That didn't come out right...

*****

Kansas City Chiefs Quarterback Patrick Mahomes says that Taylor Swift bakes with his 3-year-old daughter.

- And he said when they get flour all over themselves you know what Taylor tells his daughter to do?

Get a towel. (You thought I was going to say “Shake it off” Didn’t you? One of her biggest hits)

*****

Delta Airlines is giving its cabin interiors a fresh look with new seat fabrics, mood lighting throughout the plane, and memory-foam cushioning in some cabins.

- Opening the door on a whole new way of traveling. I just don’t want the doors to open "while" you're traveling.

*****

“Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur” has been cancelled.

Which begs the question … what is “Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur?!”

Apparently, the plot revolves around a young super-genius who accidentally brings a ten-ton T-Rex “Devil Dinosaur” into present-day New York City via a time vortex.

- Great. Now New York is a Sanctuary City for DINOSAURS, too??

*****

RIP... Rob Kress... Red-headed Meteorologist and part of the Channel 7 News Team that included icons like Bill Bonds, Diana Lewis, Doris Biscoe & Jerry Hodak back in the 1970's and 80's has died. His family said he died peacefully at his home in Grosse Pointe on September 28th. He was 77.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Kamala Harris’s interview with Bret Baier Wednesday night - her first with Fox News - is being described as “adversarial” and “testy”. Here’s how it went down: According to Baier, Kamala showed up 17 minutes after the agreed 5pm start time. That meant they only had 20 minutes instead of the agreed to 30 in order to get the interview done and turned around in order to broadcast at 6pm. At the end, he said 4 of Harris’s staffers were waving their arms for him to “wrap it up” quickly. Either Kamala didn’t want to answer anymore tough questions Or those 4 guys had to go to the bathroom.

*****

The owner of Lay’s, Doritos, Tostitos, and Ruffles say they’ll start putting more chips in some bags to bring back customers tired of higher prices with skimpier bags - what experts call - “Shrinkflation”.

-Not to be confused with “Shrinkage” which happens!!

*****

Former President Jimmy Carter fulfilled his rumored wish of living long enough to cast a vote for Vice President Kamala Harris… when he voted early at the age of 100 in Georgia this week.

- And, of course if he dies before the election… he’s going to vote for her again.

*****

According to a new survey, 68% of U.S. Adults say they support Banning Cell Phone use by High School Students in the classroom.

Without the distraction of phones, it’s easier to stay focused on learning and having sex with the teacher!

*****

Taylor Swift announced that she will release a book documenting her Eras Concert Tour next month.

- She’s making it a Picture Book so her boyfriend Travis Kelce and his football player friends can read along, too!

*****

Rapper 50 Cent announced that he'll make $15 MILLION playing 6 shows at the Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino in Las Vegas starting December 27th.

-In related news… Singer William Hung was spotted in Vegas putting 50 Cents into a Slot Machine at the Casino at Planet Hollywood. (With Christmas just months away… Don’t forget his album, “Hung for the Holidays” available on Amazon.com.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

It’s National Dictionary Day! So crack open your copy of Websters and read for a Spell!

*****

Kamala Harris will sit down for her first ever interview with Fox News tonight. It will be hosted by Bret Baier, pre-recorded this afternoon - but will be aired in its entirety with no edits and no commercials. All eyes are on the sit-down since CBS and ABC have been accused of deceptively editing their interviews with Harris to make her appear more favorable. But Baier is no Trump fan either, so…

- You’ve heard of a Fox in the Hen House… What will happen with the Hen in the Fox House?? Stay tuned…

*****

Nancy Pelosi says she still hasn’t spoken to Joe Biden since she and other top Democrats forced him to drop out of the 2024 race for President back in July.

-If I were Nancy, I’d have my fingers crossed that Joe didn’t pick my name in this years Democrat Secret Santa Gift Swap.

*****

A new cake shop at Disney World is taking heat for its crazy high prices. The menu posted outside the bakery shows a SINGLE SLICE OF CAKE priced at $22.

-Well that’s just Goofy.

*****

A new study reveals that quitting smoking at any age can significantly extend your life expectancy.

-Unless of course, you’re about to be executed by a firing squad and they offer you a last cigarette. If you say, “No thanks. I’ve decided to quit”, I don’t think it’s going to extend your life.

*****

Officers were dispatched to an Ohio neighborhood over reports of a a "runaway pumpkin." Officers arrived and video shows a large inflatable pumpkin blowing across the road nearly knocking two officers down. Luckily, backup officers arrived and the pumpkin was returned to its relieved owner.

-If you think the owner was relieved… You should have seen the look on the pumpkin’s face.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Another October Surprise… Kamala Harris is being accused of Plagiarism in her 2009 book “Smart on Crime”. An Austrian Professor found 27 instances of plagiarism in the book - which have been corroborated by journalists and the NY Post - including passages taken directly from - get this - Wikipedia. No word yet from the Harris Campaign…

Not even a copied and pasted one.

*****

Firefighters and police in New Hampshire were called out to the home of a resident who found a Moose trapped in their swimming pool.

- The Moose, identified as a Mr. Bullwinkle J. Moose, Said “Thanks. But I wasn’t trapped… I was Sunbathing. Hey Rocky… Watch as I pull a Rabbit out of my Hat!”

*****

On Friday, a woman from China pleaded guilty to attempting to smuggle 29 Eastern Box Turtles, a protected species, across a Vermont lake into Canada in an inflatable Kayak. The woman was arrested and now faces 10 years in Prison.

- If she had smuggled them into America, she would have gotten a Medal and the illegal Turtles all would have gotten a free phone, a prepaid debit card and Free lodging in a Five Star Hotel !!!

*****

CNN’s Anderson Cooper was filmed getting smacked with debris while covering Hurricane Milton in Bradenton, Florida.

Which is a change… Usually he’s filmed getting smashed on Vodka while covering New Year’s Eve in Times Square, New York.

*****

Lottery Officials announced that beginning in April, Mega Millions tickets will more than double in cost… going from $2 to $5 per ticket.

- Which can only mean one thing! Now you can blow through your life savings… TWICE AS FAST!!!

*****

An Indian man set a new Guiness World Record for the World Smallest Fully-Functioning Washing Machine. Serbin Saji designed the machine - which weighs less than an ounce and measures just 1.28” x 1.32” by1.52 inches. But it’s not a toy… the tiny washer runs a full cycle — wash, rinse & spin.

-Next, he’s going to make a tiny little dryer, so every time you do laundry, you can loose one-of-each-pair-of your-tiny-little-socks.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Huge blow for the Lions… Looks like Aidan Hutchinson is out for the season after a horrible injury during yesterday’s game against the Cowboy’s left him with a broken tibia. Hutchinson underwent immediate surgery at a local hospital in Dallas. A replay of the play showed that the area near his ankle was the point of impact with his teammate’s leg and it appeared that Hutchinson almost immediately said “I broke it” as he was down on the ground in pain. Best wishes for a successful recovery!

On a bright note…

Congrats to the Lions who obliterated the Cowboys in Dallas yesterday 47-9… marking one of the top five worst losses suffered by the Cowboys in team history and the worst defeat by the Cowboys at home this Century. To add insult to injury for Dallas… it was Cowboy’s team owner Jerry Jones 82nd Birthday.

How well did the Lions play? Tom Brady said, “That’s a team I’d love to play for”.

*****

Happy Columbus Day! Or as it’s known by some - including Kamala Harris - “Indigenous People’s Day”.

In a speech this morning Kamala said "Since 1934, every October the United States has recognized the voyage of the European explorers who first landed on the shores of the Americas. Those explorers ushered in a wave of devastation for tribal nations – perpetrating violence, stealing land, and spreading disease.”

-Can’t you just feel the JOY??

*****

Country singer Brantley Gilbert in the middle of his concert when his manager rushed on stage to say that Brantley’s very pregnant wife had gone into labor in the tour bus. Brantley explained the situation to the crowd, ran and helped deliver the own baby, then went back on stage and finished the show!

- This is such a great story!!!! Fingers crossed the baby’s his! (I’m just kidding… but he is a Country singer… something usually cheats on somebody in those songs, right??)

*****

Boeing sent out a memo to everyone in the Company announcing that it’s laying off 17,000 employees.

NOTE TO BOEING: Don’t fire any of the guys who check to make sure the doors are screwed on tightly when the planes are in the air. Thanks.

*****

A new study finds that the end of the world won’t come from a swarm of deadly asteroid strikes.

-Rats. The way things are going lately, the whole “getting hit by by an Asteroid” was starting to sound like a pretty good option.

*****

New research suggests that pet owners should introduce cats and dogs gradually to prevent fighting.

- They say if you introduce them too quickly, they’ll end up fighting like… like… well I can’t thing of a good analogy right now, but you know what I mean.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

PRAYERS FOR EVERYONE IN FLORIDA… as Monster Hurricane Milton barrels towards Florida. As of this morning, two tornados have already touched down on the East side of the state… no injuries reported. The storm is expected to make landfall sometime after midnight tonight with catastrophic winds, rain & most significantly = a storm surge of up to 15 feet. As of this writing… Sarasota, South of Tampa seems to be in the bullseye.

*****

Passengers on a Qantas flight from Australia to Japan were shocked after an “adult movie” movie was played on every screen due to a technical issue.

- I thought they weren’t allowed to serve nuts on planes anymore because of allergy issues.

- Let’s just say the tray tables weren’t the only things in their full and upright position.

*****

CBS News & their flagship show “60 Minutes” are taking major heat after if was discovered that they heavily edited Kamala Harris’s answers to make her look better. They allegedly even edited in the answer to a DIFFERENT QUESTION in order to make Kamala’s answer look like it made sense as opposed to the long, rambling answer she gave in the actual interview.

-To paraphrase the late Andy Rooney… “Did you ever wonder… what would make the most famous News Network in history completely throw away its reputation?”

NOTE: The Trump campaign is now demanding that @CBSNews release the full unedited interview.

*****

Kamala has been on a Media Blitz this week… appearing on Howard Stern, Late Night with Stephen Colbert and The View. But she shocked everyone - including her own campaign staff yesterday - when Sonny Hostin asked her if there’s anything she would have done differently than Joe Biden over the last 4 years and Kamala answered, “Not a thing that comes to mind”.

- Not at the Border? Or Afghanistan?

*****

California has become the first State in the country to ban certain Red, Blue, Yellow and Green Colored Food Dyes from the meals served in School cafeterias.

- Which blends perfectly with Reading, Writing and Arithmetic… which have also been banned from being taught in California Schools since 2020.

*****

New England Patriots veteran safety Jabrill Peppers was arrested on charges including drug possession and “strangulation”.

- "Soccer players are rarely arrested for Strangulation. I’m no Criminologist… but I’m bettin’ it has something to do with the fact that they're not allowed to use their hands.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Florida is bracing for Hurricane Milton… which is now expected to make landfall early Thursday morning as a Category 4 storm - most likely in the Tampa Bay Area. Mandatory Evacuations have been ordered up and down the West Coast of Florida - with a massive storm surge anticipated. FL Gov. Ron DeSantis has mobilized all State resources ahead of the storm & President Biden - who cancelled a planned trip overseas - says FEMA will have $$ to assist, despite Homeland Security Secretary Mayorkas saying FEMA is out of Money. Stay tuned... 🙏🙏🙏

*****

Amazon Prime Day 2024 starts today and runs through Wednesday at midnight!

That's right... It's your chance to SAVE BIG on stuff you absolutely DO NOT NEED!!!!

Don't miss it!!!

*****

Speaking of shopping...

Costco’s website shows that 1-ounce gold bars were available for purchase for $2,689.99 before taxes, but are now sold out.

But on a bright note… I did the math and if you’re looking to invest in Hot Dogs, that $2600 will get you One- Thousand Seven-Hundred and Ninety-three of those Giant All Beef Hot Dogs at the Costco Food Court!

*****

According to a new poll, Memphis, Tennessee now ranks as the “Most Unsafe City in America”.

So next time you go “Walking in Memphis” you might want to take some pepper spray and a pair of brass knuckles.

*****

A new study suggests that blood pressure readings may not be accurate unless a person’s arm is positioned correctly.

- For example… if you take your blood pressure while your forearm is extended up and your middle finger is pointing straight up in the air… chances are your BP reading will be "Extremely High”.

*****

A man running for Congress in Virginia is in trouble for allegedly "borrowing" a friend’s family for a campaign video. He’s not married… so he decided to use his friends wife and kids in his campaign materials to come off more "family friendly".

- Why didn't Joe Biden think of this? He could have just said Hunter wasn't really his!

*****

A 7-year-old Chinese boy who had been complaining about a mysterious bad smell for two years had a metal screw stuck in his left nostril.

- Well that blows.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

NEVER FORGET - 10/7/2023

One year ago today… Hamas terrorists invaded Israel resulting in the mass murder of nearly 1200 people - including over 30 Americans. More than 250 people were also kidnapped that day. 101 hostages remain in captivity as of this writing. The events of that day led to the current War in the Middle East.

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As North Carolina and other states reel from the unprecedented devastation of Hurricane Helene… another monster storm - Hurricane Milton - is barreling toward the Gulf Coast of Florida. Now another Category 4 Storm… Milton… is expected to make landfall Wednesday night into Thursday morning. Evacuation warnings are in effect up and down the West Coast of the state with heavy rain, wind and a 8-10 foot storm surge expected. Stay tuned…

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According to a new study, 60% of the average American's diet comes from ultra-processed foods like chips, soda and ice cream.

- The other 40% eat “Soda & Ice Cream Flavored Chips”. Yum.

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A Florida woman broke off her engagement with groom-to-be - to marry her maid of honor.

- Is this an actual news story or the plot of an upcoming movie on the Lifetime Channel?

*****

Over the weekend, Vanderbilt fans celebrated their victory over Alabama by ripping out the goalpost and dumping it in the Cumberland River.

I miss the old fashioned days when kids would just set the couches on fire at Cedar Village up at MSU.

*****

In Brooklyn, New York, police found a gang of squatters who had taken over an abandoned $4 MILLION House.

- Well they didn’t expect one squatter to keep up a $4MILLION home all by themselves did they?

*****

Amazon’s Streaming TV service has scrapped plans for a re-do of the “Who's the Boss?”.

Instead… they’re going to aim a camera at the White House and let everyone guess!

*****

Dolly Parton donated $1 MILLION for Hurricane Relief.

-She says if necessary, she’s also willing to step in and offer her chest up as a flotation device.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

The UN is holding an emergency meeting this morning after Iran's unprecedented attack against Israel yesterday... Israel vowed Iran "will pay" for firing a record 180 Missiles - the largest single attack since World War II according to military experts - and says retaliation will come “swiftly”. Stay tuned...

*****

So... Did you watch it? Last night's Vice Presidential Debate between Tim Walz and J.D. Vance? What did you think? I thought Walz did better than expected. Vance was cool and seemed very confident. Walz got better as time went on - with help from the moderators who were - once again - firmly on team Harris. Thoughts??

*****

Meanwhile... Shocking allegations out of London's Daily Mail this morning... Vice President Kamala Harris's husband, First Gentlemen Doug Emhoff allegedly assaulted an ex-girlfriend in May of 2012. According to three witnesses, Emhoff allegedly slapped the woman in the face "so hard it spun her around" when he became angry that she was flirting with another man while they waiting in a Valet Line at a Film Festival Event in Cannes, France.

No comment yet from the Harris campaign…

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The White House celebrated former President Jimmy Carter’s milestone centennial birthday yesterday by placing a giant “100” sign on the WH North Lawn.

- But there was a tense moment when Joe Biden walked across the lawn saw the sign and started yelling... 100? I'm 100?? Boy… that was a longer nap than a I thought.

*****

An 81-year-old model fell short in her bid to become the oldest Miss Universe contestant after competing in the South Korean pageant against much younger rivals. Choi Soon-hwa lost to a 22 year old... but did walk away with the "Best Dresser" Award.

- You know what they say... Always the Grandmother of the Bridesmaid. Never the Grandmother of the Bride!

*****

An unidentified buyer at a Charity Auction in Texas paid $4000 for a guitar once played by Taylor Swift... then promptly smashed the guitar to bits. Why you ask? He said he was, “Trying to be funny”.

- Pretty expensive joke. $4000.

*****

66-year-old Madonna posted photos with her new 28-year-old boyfriend, Jamaican soccer player Akeem Morris.

- Madonna says their relationship works great because A) Akeem’s young. and B) Unlike the Soccer rules, Madonna lets him use his hands during their games.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Happy 100th Birthday to Jimmy Carter!

*****

Vice Presidential Candidates Tim Walz and J.D. Vance will face off in the first and only scheduled VP Debate tonight… The event - hosted by CBS starts at 9pm and runs for 90 minutes.

- Pundits expect the situation in Springfield, Ohio to come up a lot which could make this the first CAT FIGHT in history between Two Guys.

*****

At midnight last night… 45,000 Dockworkers went on strike for the first time since 1977… shutting down ports all along the East and Gulf Coasts. Experts say the strike could cost the US economy BILLIONS per day and make it hard to get everything from Cars to Fruit to Furniture.

-Well this year just keeps getting better doesn’t it?

*****

The Governor of California, Gavin Newsom has made it illegal to serve Froot Loops in school cafeterias.

-So let me get this straight: They’ve got a Fruit Loop sitting in the Governor’s Mansion… but you’re not allowed to serve them in the Cafeteria?

*****

A new survey finds that a good portion of people spend their Sundays terrified of the week ahead… with the average American admitting they experience the “Sunday Scaries” 36 times a year.

- When did we become such a nations of wimps? I only get scared on Sundays maybe 20-25 times a year - TOPS!

*****

A confused sea lion wandered up onto a California highway and ended up getting a police escort to a rehabilitation facility.

- Where - amazingly - he ran into Charlie Sheen, fell in love and the two moved into a fabulous $20 MILLION Malibu Condo together!

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RIP… Pete Rose, who won two World Series titles with his hometown Cincinnati Reds and broke the all-time hits record died Monday. He was 83. Known as Charlie Hustle for his aggressive and showy style — Rose’s reputation took a huge hit when he was caught betting on baseball - including his own team. Because of that… he was never allowed into the Baseball Hall of Fame - despite a record that more than earned him a place there. 4,256 hits in all. Amazing.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Thoughts and Prayers to everyone affected by the devastation of Hurricane Helene. As of this writing… the death toll has risen to 107 in the affected states with hundreds still missing or unaccounted for. Whole towns in Florida through Georgia, the Carolinas even Kentucky and Tennessee have been wiped off the map - and washed out roads and bridges are making it nearly impossible for rescuers and emergency crews to get through. Cell service is almost non existent and if not for Elon Musk’s “Starlink” - there would be virtually no communication. Victims need food, water and medication. I encourage you to reach out to a Charity you trust and give what you can! 🙏🇺🇸

*****

A new study found that drinking water DOESN’T Help when it comes to getting over a Hangover.

So I guess you’re supposed to stick with the old “Hair of the Dog that Bit Ya”. Or as they call it in Springfield, Ohio, “The Hair of the Cat You Ate”. (Just kidding!)

*****

Pamela Anderson debuted a hot pink hairstyle over the weekend.

- But nobody noticed until she yelled… “Looked up! Look up!” 😂

*****

An India-based hotel operator is set to purchase Motel 6 - America's most popular motel chain in a $525 MILLION all-cash deal.

- So America’s Motel 6 is gonna be based in INDIA?? Holy Cow!

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The Tigers lost 9-5 to the White Sox last night… but because they won the day before - they’re in the Play-offs! Their first game will be against the Houston Astros - Tomorrow at 2:30pm! Go Tigs!

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RIP… Kris Kristofferson, the Grammy-winning singer-songwriter known for his leading role in 1976’s “A Star Is Born,” died Saturday at his home in Maui. He was 88.

RIP… Basketball Hall of Famer and eight-time NBA All-Star Dikembe Mutombo has died at the age of 58 following a battle with brain cancer.

RIP… John Asthon, best known for his role as Detective Sergeant John Taggart in the"Beverly Hills Cop" films, has died. He was 76.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick