BREAKING…. NYC Mayor Eric Adams has been indicted on Bribery, Fraud and Campaign Finance Charges involving Foreign Influence (from Turkey) … His home was raided and his cell phone has been seized. Adams - who is a Democrat - says he is being targeted by the Biden DOJ because he spoke out against the flood of migrants in the city … Details as they become available…

*****

Not much to laugh about in the “Diddy” case… but there is this: When asked why the investigators found 1000 bottles of Baby Oil near one the the “Sex Rooms” in his Los Angeles mansion, his attorney said, “Well there’s a Costco down the street from Diddy’s house… You know American’s like to buy in bulk”.

- That’s true. I bought a couple cases of Paper Towels, a Dozen Salmon Burgers and a two-pack of Rolaid’s and I was like… let’s party!

*****

A new report confirms that Freddie Prinze Jr. will return to the horror world of “I Know What You Did Last Summer” in the upcoming follow up film.

But at this point… everybody is just waiting around for the previews to find out what “Diddy Did Last Summer and Exactly WHO HE DID IT WITH”.

*****

A new study finds that nearly 1 in 3 Americans may have an undiagnosed iron deficiency. This problem can lead to fatigue, brain fog, difficulty concentrating and memory issues.

- Not only that… but it can lead to memory issues, too!

*****

Crazy video captured Eight bulls escaping from a rodeo event at a Massachusetts Mall Sunday afternoon … People ran for their lives as the bulls crashed through a chainlink fence, thru the parking lot and onto a main road. As of this writing… one of the bulls remains on the loose.

No word on where the Bulls and their Bull**** were headed… but I’m betting it was somewhere in the vicinity of Washington, D.C.

*****

The Post Office wants stamp prices to rise five times between now and 2027… but won’t say how high prices will eventually go. The price of a first class stamp currently stands at 73 cents… Believe it or not. It was just .10 cents in 1972 and .34 cents in 2002.

- Well you know what they say about Stamp Prices… If you can’t beat em… lick em.

*****

A recent survey claims that the age at which life, money, and the future start to feel “real” for most Americans isn’t until age 27.

- And the age you decided you liked it better when it wasn’t “real” and you want to go back to being a kid again? 27 and 1/2.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

This morning, the Senate released it’s scathing report on the Assassination Attempts on Donald Trump and the failures of the Secret Service to protect him… “A Perfect Storm of Stunning Failure”/Yesterday, Trump’s would be Golf-course assassin, Ryan Wesley Routh was charged with his attempted assassination/The former President has been briefed by the National Intelligence Agency about at least 5 ONGOING threats to his life from Iran.

- We are living in very dangerous and frightening times.

*****

Kamala Harris is set to sit down with MSNBC host Stephanie Ruhle tonight, for her first solo interview with a major news network since becoming the Democrat nominee. But critics note the sit-down will be taped, edited and that Ruhle is a big fan of the Harris Campaign.

-I don’t want to spoil anything… but I have heard rumors that, “Kamala is from a middle class family and grew up in a neighborhood where people really care about their lawns”.

*****

Disgraced former Trump attorney Michael Cohen - who testified against him and for Stormy Daniels in Trump’s Hush Money trial - says he’ll have no choice but to “Change his name and flee the country” if Donald Trump is elected.

- I think “Stormy Cohen” has a nice ring to it. What do ya think? 😂

*****

A looming strike by 45,000 dock workers could mean some popular fruits will be harder to find on grocery store shelves this fall.

- I don’t know about you guys, but as long as things are good at the Dark Chocolate Raisinette Factory… I’m good. 😎

Wait a sec… Are the dock workers the same guys who actually pick the Caramel Apples off the trees and put them in the shipping boxes or are those two separate groups of people? Either way… Hats off!!!

*****

California is the latest and largest state to require its Schools to restrict or ban cellphone use in the classroom.

Teachers say it’s had no impact so far… but that’s probably since most of the kids had their phones stolen on their way to school.

*****

According to a new survey, the most popular adult Halloween costume this year is a Witch.

- The hard part is deciding whether to go as “Young Nancy Pelosi” or “Old Nancy Pelosi”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

This just in… NFL Hall of Famer Brett Favre says he was recently diagnosed with Parkinson's disease at the age of 54. The Packers legend made the announcement while speaking at a Congressional hearing on welfare misspending and reform. Stay tuned…

*****

Bruce Springsteen turned 75 yesterday…

At his age, Bruce is doing less “Dancing in the Dark” and more “Getting up in the Middle of the Night Every Half Hour to Go to the Bathroom".

*****

A confused-looking President (?) Biden forgot which world leader he was supposed to introduce at a press conference over the weekend. After an uncomfortable silence he yelled into the microphone, “WHO’S NEXT??” then seemed not to recognize the Prime Minister of India.

- ”Sharp as a tack”. Enough said.

*****

Jennifer Lopez's beauty brand, JLo Beauty, made a small blunder by posting a pic of Jen wearing a necklace with the name “BEN” on it. Jen - of course - is in the middle of getting a divorce from her 4th husband “Ben” Affleck.

- At this point, I’m sure JLo’s just happy they didn’t post one of the pics of her wearing a necklace that says “Diddy”. (Yup… JLo and Diddy dated from 1999 to 2001)

*****

A study published in “Personality and Individual Differences” found that men are more willing to be lured into danger for women with a high-pitched voice.

- Which is why when it comes to Emergencies, Caitlyn Jenner is pretty much on her own.

*****

A recent survey has revealed Miami, Florida, to be the “rudest” city in the U.S. based on responses from participants in 46 of America’s largest cities.

- Well, duh. Half of New York City has moved to Miami in the last four years.

Philadelphia was named the second rudest city in the Country.

So much for that whole “City of Brotherly Love” thing…

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

This just in… The Biden/Harris DOJ released the first page of a letter written by would-be Trump assassin Ryan Wesley Routh in which he admitted that he failed in trying to take the life of the former president. Routh also offered $150,000 for anyone who could “Finish the job”

Question: Why would the DOJ release this letter to the public? Did they think it was just cheaper than taking out a Want Ad???

*****

Routh - a virulent Anti-Trumper had apparently written the letter several months in advance and left it with a friend with instructions to open in the event “that something happened to him”. Investigators said he had Googled routes to Mexico - so apparently had planned to make it out alive.

- Well look at that! He had something in common with Trump after all!

*****

A Scandanavian Airlines flight from Norway to Spain had to make an emergency landing after a live mouse scampered out of a woman’s pre-packaged in-flight meal.

-On a bright note… They didn’t charge her extra for having an Emotional Support Animal.

*****

Kamala Harris raised eyebrows during her sit down with Oprah Thursday night when she said that if anybody broke in to her house, they’d get shot.

- Although the way she said it… I wasn’t sure if maybe she was saying she’d invite the burglar in to DO shots?? I’ll have to watch it again. (Btw… the special was streamed from Detroit)

*****

Amazon shocked employees by telling them they’ll be expected to report to the office five days a week starting in January.

- Nobody’s more ticked off that some woman named “Alexa” who says she’s gotten really used to “Phoning it in”.

*****

Tupperware, known the world over for its plastic food storage containers, has filed for bankruptcy after years of falling popularity and financial troubles.

- But you know what they say… It ain’t over til the fat lady burps the final bowl.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Kamala Harris will be in Michigan tonight for a two-hour live stream campaign event with none other than Oprah Winfrey.

- Kamala says she really hopes, “Oprah uses her voice to help support my campaign”. TRANSLATION: “I’m hoping she gives everybody a FREE CAR in exchange for their vote.”

*****

A zoo in China was forced to admit that the rare breed of Pandas they had on display at their Zoo - “Panda Dogs” were actually just two Chow-Chow dogs painted black and white - after one of the fake “Bears” started panting and barking as visitors looked on.

- Wow. Usually if you want to see a “Cheap knock off from China” you have to go shopping at your nearby Dollar Store.

*****

This just in… Cedar Point is getting a NEW ROLLER COASTER IN 2025! Siren’s Curse, is set to open next year and is billed as North America’s “tallest, longest and fastest tilt ride”. The park is remaining tight lipped… but we do know this: Height: 160 feet. Speed: 58 mph. Duration: two minutes.

- Chances of me throwing out my back: 99%

*****

REO Speedwagon announced that - due to an ongoing dispute between band members - they will permanently retire from Touring in January of 2025.

- REO tried to handle their irreconcilable differences… but bottom line? “They Can’t Fight That Feeling Anymore”. (Loved that song… REO is one of the few “Rock Bands” whose music I actually enjoyed!)

*****

Hunters removed nearly 200 invasive Burmese pythons from the Florida Everglades during 2024’s “Florida Python Challenge” this summer.

Now that’s what I call “Draining the Swamp”.

*****

According to a new survey, 1 in 5 people say drinking a fresh cup of coffee is better than making love - while the other 4 say sex is better.

So apparently “Folgers in your Cup” ISN’T actually “The BEST part of waking up”.

*****

According to Legal experts, more and more people are leaving a big chunk of their estate to their PETS in their Will…. in addition to - or instead of - leaving it to the their children.

- Did you hear that daughters? Oh who am I kidding? Sometimes I get the feeling they don’t read this blog! 😂

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Diddy or Didn’t He?

Sean “Diddy” Combs spent the night in a NYC jail after a judge denied bail following his arrest on racketeering and sex trafficking charges. Combs is accused of holding bizarre hotel “Freak Offs” that included physical and sexual abuse. So called “Insiders” say Diddy is just the tip of the iceberg and that this story may involve a lot of other “well known” names. If convicted on the current charges, Diddy could face a minimum of 15 years and a maximum of life in prison.

Stay tuned…

*****

Lauren Sánchez spoke to “Extra” about her upcoming wedding to Amazon Founder Jeff Bezos, saying she is “most excited to marry the man of my dreams.”

- Gee… I wonder if it’s his bald head or his $204 BILLION Net Worth that makes up the “Dream” part?

*****

A day after a failed assassination attempt on Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton said Monday that the former president posed a "danger to our country and the world."

- Good to see Hillary’s “toning down the rhetoric”.

*****

Elon Musk is predicting that we’ll have crewed SpaceX flights to Mars by the year 2028.

- I don’t even care what the weather’s like on Mars… as long as they're not having a Presidential Election there, I’m going!

*****

According to a new study of 350.000 Chinese adults, drinking 3 Cups of Coffee a day - could lower your risk of heart disease, diabetes and stroke. But researchers warn that having a 4th cup could actually INCREASE your risk of heart problems.

-Not only that… but if you have that 4th cup… you’ll be up all night WORRYING about your heart.

*****

A Vero Beach, Florida man was arrested after he broke into a home, took off all his clothes, and cooked a pot of spaghetti.

- Cops said everything was going fine until he started serving up his “World Famous Meatballs”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Well here we are again. Unbelievable. Yesterday there was a second Assassination Attempt on the life of former President Donald Trump… 58 year old Ryan Wesley Routh (a pro-Ukraine activist) managed to shove an AK-47 through the fence of Trump’s golf course in West Palm Beach, Florida which was spotted by a Secret Service Agent. Luckily no one was hurt. Routh makes his first court appearance today…

This is the SECOND attempt on Trump’s life in two months… and now there are EVEN MORE questions about the levels of Security given to the former President…

ONE BIG QUESTION: Trump’s golf game WAS NOT on any public schedule. How did the would-be-assassin know he would be playing golf that day, at that time on that course??

*****

A new ABC poll shows that voters aren’t any more likely to back Kamala Harris - even if they think she won last week’s debate.

- But it turns out viewers are a lot more likely to think that ABC WANTED Kamala Harris to WIN last week’s ABC debate.

*****

Prince Harry turned the Big 4-0 yesterday… and said the “Best gifts” he’s ever gotten are his two kids, 5 year old Archie and Lilibet who is 3.

Translation: Meghan wrecked his 40th Birthday baking a Vegan Cake and buying him a Solar Powered Polo Pony.

FYI… If you are a Meghan fan, you can catch her on the TV show “Suits” on Netflix. She plays a legal assistant and I gotta say… she’s really good!

*****

Despite ongoing tensions in the family, King Charles and Prince William posted a pic of Prince Harry on his birthday - but were quickly criticized for “cropping Meghans head” out of the pic. The Palace has denied the accusation.

I believe the palace on this one… but what is it with them and women’s heads? You know… the whole “Anne Boleyn” thing??

*****

Ryan Seacrest officially took over hosting duties of “Wheel of Fortune” last Monday night, acknowledged that he has 'very big shoes to fill' - but he failed to mention the show’s longtime host Pat Sajak by name. Fans on Social Media were not happy.

- In fact you might say they were "M _ d As He_ _”.

(Btw… Jay Leno failed to mention Johnny Carson’s name on his first night taking over the Tonight show, too. I know this because was in the audience for Leno’s first show!)

*****

And one more thing… (As Colombo used to say!)…

It’s National Wrinkled Raincoat Day!

*****

RIP… Tito Jackson, the brother of Michael Jackson and a founding member of the Jackson 5, has died. He was 70.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

So I don’t know if you caught it yesterday but for a brief moment, Hell froze over & Pigs flew… as Joe Biden put on and was photographed while briefly wearing a bright red = Make America Great Again baseball cap. The move came during a chat with a Trump supporter at a 9/11 ceremony in PA. The White House said it showed a moment of “Bi-Partisan Unity”.

-Kamala’s campaign couldn’t be reached for comment as they were hyperventilating into a giant paper bag.

*****

The U.S. Postal System is warning that “widespread delivery disruptions” could affect voting in the Election.

- Amazing how the one thing the Post Office never has any trouble delivering on time: My Bills.

*****

A recent survey finds that half of adults doubt a Government ban on TikTok will actually happen.

- And about half of those adults surveyed are completely baffled as to why the Government wants to ban those tiny fruit flavored mints women carry in their purses anyway.

*****

A new report finds that this season’s Streaming-only football viewers are going to need access to SEVEN DIFFERENT STREAMING PLATFORMS, which can cost over $1,700 for the year.

- It’s getting so expensive, you actually have to get hired as an NFL player to be able to afford to watch the games.

*****

Tim Walz says he’s “grateful” that Taylor Swift has endorsed his and Kamala Harris’ presidential campaign ahead of the 2024 election.

- I’m not sure Tim is thinking this through. Taylor has made an entire career out of singing about the horrible choices she’s made when it comes to picking men. (True!)

*****

According to state regulators, Ice Cream Trucks near Marijuana Dispensaries are prohibits from hading out Snacks and drinks in Ohio.

But the good news? They’ve got All you can eat Roasted Cats and BBQ Chihuahuas!

*****

Margot Robbie - the actress who played “Barbie” -showed off her “baby bump” while making her first red carpet appearance since announcing her pregnancy.

- Well I guess we know what Ken & Barbie have been doing at the Malibu Dream House.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

23 years.

2977 Innocent lives lost.

Never Forget.

*****

So… the debate finally happened. Did you watch? Most pundits seem to think it was 3 vs. 1 with the ABC “Moderators” clearly siding with Team Kamala and against Team Trump. What did you think?

*****

Just moments after the debate ended, Taylor Swift endorsed Kamala for President. She posted a message on X saying, “I’ve done my research, and I’ve made my choice.”

- I’ll admit I was on the fence about who to vote for right up until that moment… but now that I know where Taylor stands, I’m feeling pretty confident in my decision. 🙄

*****

Looking for a cheap place to go on your next Vacation? A new study found that Vietnam is the most cost-friendly destination for World travelers.

-You know what’s even cheaper? Watching a rerun of M*A*S*H* on cable.

*****

In a recent interview, Mariah Carey’s ex-husband Nick Cannon says that he asked Mariah Carrey to get back together with him, but Mariah, “Doesn’t want me back.”

Mariah’s exact quote was, “All I want for Christmas ISN’T You”.

*****

RIP… James Earl Jones… The actor known for his booming voice and roles including Darth Vader in “Star Wars,” Mufasa in “The Lion King” and as the voice of CNN has died at age 93. No cause of death has been given.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Say hello to Enzo. He lives in my Neighborhood and is a good friend of mine. The only problem? He thinks he’s a lap dog.

*****

The Lions Roared… Beating the Los Angeles Rams 26-20 in a thrilling Overtime win in their first game of the 2024 season. Jared Goff threw for 217 yards and a touchdown, Montgomery rushed for 91 yards and a touchdown, and Jameson Williams caught five passes for 121 yards to secure the win.

*****

George Bush’s VP Dick Cheney went against his party affiliation and publicly threw his support behind Kamala Harris.

- Trump said it was a real kick in the pants. Well better that than a shot in the face. - Which, of course Cheney is known for and unfortunately Trump has already dealt with once this year.

*****

George W Bush says he WON’T pick a candidate this year… and didn’t cast a vote for either Trump or President Biden in the 2020 Election.

- However, his father, George H.W. Bush, who PASSED AWAY in 2018, DID vote for Biden 2 years after his death in 2020(?) and plans to vote for Kamala on November 5th!

*****

A new survey reveals that half of Americans admit they have at least one room in their home that they believe is unsalvageable due to clutter.

- An entire ROOM?? Remember back in the old days when we just had “Junk Drawers”? It seems like everything’s getting bigger in this country except our bank accounts.

*****

According to a new study, Franklin W. Olin College of Engineering in Massachusetts has the most “Studious Students” in the country.

- And the award for the most “Protest-tious Students” in the Country goes to those crazy kids at Columbia in NYC.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Hunter Biden has decided to plead “GUILTY” in his Tax Evasion trial that got underway in LA this morning - thus avoiding what many expected to be a long and “sordid” trial. Stay tuned…

*****

Vladimir Putin came out this morning and endorsed Kamala Harris for President… saying Biden was his “favorite” but that since he dropped out, he now supports Harris. (True!)

- He’s thinking of hosting a “Commies for Kamala” call this week on Zoom!

-I tried to call him this morning his office to get a comment, but his Secretary said Vlad took the day off to put up Harris/Walz yard signs on the front lawn of the Kremlin.

*****

A recent study has found that flights are safer than they’ve ever been… with a 1 in 13.7 MILLION chance that you’ll actually die if you fly you’d have to be “Pretty Unlucky for that to happen.

- So to paraphrase Dirty Harry, “You've got to ask yourself one question. Do I feel Unlucky? Well do you, Punk?”

*****

Georgia DA Fani Willis and her prosecutor ex-lover Nathan Wade turned up TOGETHER on police bodycam footage during her pregnant daughter's arrest - months after Fulton County DA insisted in court that they’d called it quits.

Uh oh. Looks like she might get her Fani handed to her in a sling.

*****

New research finds that, of all the states in the U.S., people in Maryland use the most expletives.

- That’s probably my fault. I lasted 5 weeks on the air at WBAL in Baltimore before getting fired for being, “too wild for the town”. Can you imagine ME being too wild??

*****

Over the weekend, Competitive Eating Champion Joey Chestnut set a new world record by downing 83 hot dogs and buns in 10 minutes.

- That’s a little nauseating — if I’m being Frank.

*****

A new survey finds that nearly 1 in 10 moms regret the name they chose for their baby.

- Gee… I wonder if MY Mother ever felt that way when she named me “Dick”. 🤔

*****

Have s great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Kamala Harris is taking heat for adopting a new “Foghorn Leghorn”-type Southern accent during her Labor Day campaign visit to Detroit yesterday… then dropping it completely when delivering the exact same speech in Philly 4 hours later.

In her defense… Detroit is South of CANADA… (except for Windsor of course… we’re NORTH of that 😎)

*****

The New York City Parks Department unveiled new “Anti-Rat Trash Bins” designed to fit square pizza boxes in some of the cities parks.

- Taking a nod from Little Caesars, they call it the “Garbage Can! Garbage Can!” Program.

*****

Citing high taxes and too much red tape, Foot Locker is moving its headquarters from New York City to Florida.

- Bottom line: Foot Locker is giving NYC the Boot

- The Mayor is “fit to be tied” and plans to deliver a tongue-lashing.

*****

Over the weekend, actor George Clooney praised President Biden’s decision to leave the 2024 race as. “the most selfless thing that anyone’s done since George Washington.”

- And the Oscar goes to… 🙄

*****

A recent survey finds that 7 in 10 parents admit they feel guilty that their child isn’t drinking enough water, especially during the hottest months of the year.

- Seriously? Don’t parents have bigger stuff to feel guilty about… like ruining their kids childhoods by giving them bad haircuts in the shape of an upside down bowl? (I know from experience… My mother did this to me!)

*****

Saw the movie “Reagan” yesterday… starring Dennis Quaid. Great movie! The place was packed. If you have the chance to go see it… do. I highly recommend it!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Hard to believe… but Michael Jackson would have been 66 years old today.

He’d still be doing the Moon Walk… but only if he remembered to take his “Balance of Nature” the night before.

*****

Kamala Harris will finally sit for her first interview on CNN at 9m tonight. The interview will be pre-taped to allow for edits and Kamala’s running mate Tim Walz will be doing the interview with her… whom some critics are have compared to Kamala’s “Emotional Support Animal”.

- Hear me out… I’m thinking maybe Kamala is used to doing Interviews ALONE and as Kamala often says, she’s looking to be “Unburdened by what has been”??

*****

A new report states that Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary wants airports to cap passengers at two alcoholic drinks to limit on-board brawling.

- I’m not sure it’s so much the alcohol that causing people to get upset so much as it is the doors falling off mid-flight.

*****

A recent study finds that Video Games are actually linked to better mental health - a 180 reversal of what we’ve been told for years.

- But that’s only because now days… there’s actually less violence in Video Games than you see in an average TV Newscast.

*****

A new study has found that getting shingles just once could increase the risk of long-term confusion and memory loss.

- Great. What happens if you don’t remember if you’ve had Shingles?

*****

The world's oldest living man celebrated his 112th birthday yesterday at the Assisted Living home where he lives in England.

- They got him a bunch of balloons and a nice “You’ll Soon Be With the Angel’s…. Food Cake”.

*****

My favorite story of the day… A man broke into an apartment in Rome in the middle of the night to rob the place. But in the middle of the heist, he became intrigued by a book on Greek Mythology sitting on the nightstand and sat down to read. Eventually, the 71-year-old owner of the apartment, woke up & confronted the thief who ran away… but was eventually caught by the cops.

- I’m assuming the Judge threw the Book at him.

*****

Hava a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi spoke to the Democrat National Convention last night. But as she was walking... a piece of what appeared to be toilet paper fell out of her pant leg as she made her way to the podium.

You know Trump's gonna have a nickname for Nancy after this… My suggestion: "Two-Ply Pelosi"!

*****

Oprah Winfrey - who has a net worth of $3 BILLION - spoke last night... telling the packed DNC Convention about the sexism, racism and income inequality that she's faced in her life.

- I just Googled it and Oprah’s worth $3 BILLION. I didn’t realize that sexism, racism income inequality paid so well.

*****

A new survey finds that half of voters age 27 and under have “very little” trust in the federal government.

- Welcome to the Party, kids!

*****

Hunter Biden’s lawyer says that the Prosecution in Hunter Biden's upcoming Tax trail is "Trying to slime him", arguing that they are bringing in evidence specifically to “make him look bad”.

- Oh... I don't think Hunter needs any help with that.

*****

A California high school principal was placed on administrative leave after getting what is being described as "a lap dance" from the schools mascot during a Pep Rally attended by hundreds of students.

- On a bright note... At least he wasn't sleeping with one of his students!

*****

According to a new survey, a significant portion of the U.S. population feels pressure to get in shape before going on vacation.

- Not me. I just put on my "I'm With Stupid T-Shirt", jump in the car and head down to Cedar Point!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

This Just In... The Biden Administration has adjusted their employment numbers.. admitting they'd claimed 818,000 new jobs had been added between March of 2023 and April of 2024 that didn't actually exist.

- That's called "Cooking the Books". But... they want to remind you that they didn't cook the books on a Gas Stove!

- Speaking of jobs that "Don't actually exist"... Joe's on vacation… Again… this time in California. Does anyone know who's actually running the country right now?

*****

Both Michelle and Barrack Obama spoke last night at the DNC Convention in Chicago with the former First Lady urging voters to "Do Something".

- Ironically, that's what Republicans have been saying to Kamala about the Border for the last 3 1/2 years.

*****

The Biden/Harris Administration has appointed a new special assistant at the Nuclear Security Administration... who’s number one priority is - get ready for this - "Queering Nuclear Weapons". That's right! She says spreading the message of "Diversity, Equity and Inclusion is vital to our National Security".

-Remember the Peter Sellers movie, "Dr. Stranglove - Or How I Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love The Bomb"? Yeah… Well, I'm starting to worry again. 😳

*****

A billionaire in California is being accused of using construction equipment to secretly steal sand from a famous Malibu beach to use on his Private Property.

- Furious neighbors were going to draw a line in the sand at the beach… but unfortunately he’d already taken it all.

*****

Well… it’s official. Jennifer Lopez has officially filed for Divorce from Ben Affleck two years after the couple wed in a $400,0000 Ceremony. This will be Ben’s second divorce… and Jen’s 4th trip to the divorce attorney’s office.

- What should I get her? Is she registered for THIS divorce? I got her a toaster last time. 🤔

*****

Meghan Markle says her 3-year-old daughter Princess Lilibet has “found her voice.”

- Which can only mean one thing… A Two Hour "Toddler Talk" with Oprah!

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Joe Biden “Passed the torch” to Kamala Harris in a Fiery speech last night - that was supposed to be in prime time but didn’t get underway until after 11pm. I was amazed I stayed awake for it. I was even more amazed Joe stayed awake for it. It was….. Well, what did you think??

*****

During an interview with CNN about her convincing Biden to step out of the race and whether or not that has left bad blood between her and her longtime friend, Nancy Pelosi confusingly said, “I did what I had to do… Sometimes you just have to take a punch for the children.”

- Not sure what that means… but it sounds like Nancy had downed a few “Kamala-politans” before picking up the microphone. 🍸🍸🍸

*****

With inflation continuing to eat up paychecks, 20% of Gen Zer’s - those 12 to 27 years old - say they’d be willing to cut fruits and vegetables out of their diet completely to save money.

- In fact… I’m pretty sure the 12 years old would do it for no reason at all.

*****

A new study reveals a startling truth: Where you live in the United States could dramatically influence whether you receive a timely diagnosis of Dementia.

- For example, if you live at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue - in Washington, D.C… you’ll never officially be diagnosed with Dementia, instead they’ll say you’re “sharp as a tack”, then stab you in the back so they can have someone else apply for your job.

*****

During an Indian Independence celebration in NYC, Mayor Eric Adams accidentally confused India with Pakistan… but quickly took it back.

Making him an Indian Giver. Or is it a Pakistani Giver? I’m so confused… Are we even allowed to say “Indian Giver” anymore??

*****

Ben Affleck has signed on to star in “The Accountant 2” a follow up to his 2016 hit, “The Accountant” set to debut in 2025.

- In this go round, Ben has to outwit criminal masterminds and the FBI all while navigatgating the treacherous pitfalls of his PreNup with Jennifer Lopez!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

This Just In… after months of 1nvestigation, The House Oversight Committee has found that President Biden “abused his office” and “defrauded the United States to enrich his family by taking more than $27 MILLION from Foreign Entities and individuals in exchange for influence - going back to when Biden was Obama’s Vice President in 2014.

-Why the rush, guys?

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Speaking of Joe… He is scheduled to deliver the Keynote Address at the First night of the Democrat National Convention in Chicago tonight.

And as always with Joe… The “Key” will be making sure he actually reads his “Notes”.

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The Florida Health Department is advising against eating Pythons because of their high mercury content.

- Great. What So much for the Peanut Butter and Python Sandwich I planned on having for lunch this afternoon.

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In Chicago, business owners are boarding up their stores in anticipation of violent Pro-Palestinian and other protests during the convention.

-It’s so bad, the Car Jackers and Muggers are locking up their weapons so they don’t get stolen during the violence.

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While on an American Airlines flight, Ryan Seacrest’s ex was injured after she swallowed shards of plastic that were in her beverage.

- Do people not know that you’re not actually supposed to DRINK the STRAW??

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According to Variety, Netflix has finally given the green light to a new 3D-animated “Ghostbusters” series.

- I picked up the phone to get some more details on this… but I started thinkin’, “Who you gonna call?”…

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RIP… Phil Donahue… Popular TV talk show host from 1967 to 1996 and longtime husband of actress Marlo Thomas, has died after a long illness. He was 88.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Just one month after Donald Trump was nearly Assassinated during a rally in Butler, PA, a Secret Service agent abandoned her post during Donald Trump's visit to North Carolina yesterday to… breastfeed her baby. She left without telling anyone and was found in a room reserved for “emergencies”.

- I think the only solace we can take from this story is that the Breastfeeding Secret Service Agent was actually a WOMAN. These days… and with this Administration… you never know.

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Millions of people in the Caribbean are bracing for the wrath of Tropical Storm Ernesto as the fifth tropical storm of 2024 barrels towards the region.

- Or as MSNBC is reporting it… “Kamala Harris Brings Joyful Rain To the Caribbean!”

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A recent report claims that the Fantasy Sports Business has grown to an $11 BILLION industry.

But the biggest Fantasy in Sports remains… The Lions making it to the Super Bowl.

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New research suggests that Mars may be drenched beneath its surface, with enough water hiding in the cracks of underground rocks to form a Global Ocean.

- If you think that’s something, wait til you hear what they found under Uranus.

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A Groom in Japan called off his arranged-wedding this week after finding out his bride-to-be was 25 his SENIOR.

- Turn’s out when the Bride said she was carrying, “Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, & Something Blue” down the aisle… the “Old” thing was HERSELF.

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Dolly Parton has announced her own makeup line called "Dolly Beauty."

- So between her music and make-up, now Dolly will be famous for TWO things! Well…. FOUR things, actually.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Now that the '24 Paris Olympics are in the Record Books... the public has spoken about what sports they're not interested in seeing again. The LEAST favorite Olympic Sport... Race Walking. With comments ranging from... "It's boring" and "Stupid" to the very direct "It's not a sport".

- I'm not trying to poo-poo their achievements... but as the pic shows, Race Walking is kinda like watching watching a group of people desperately trying to find a bathroom.

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As of this morning... More than ONE BILLION PEOPLE have listened to the conversation between Elon Musk and Donald Trump broadcast on X (formerly Twitter) last night. The event got off to a rough start when a massive cyber attack blocked the broadcast... but it went for more than two hours once it was fixed. I couldn't get on... but will be listening today. Did you hear it? What did you think?

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Musk has reached out to the Harris campaign - saying he'd love to host a similar type event with Kamala - but her campaign refused his invitation.

- I'm starting to think she doesn't want us to hear what she has to say... 🤔

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As some scientists continue to worry about the impact of Cow Flatulance on the Climate (If it's not one thing, it's an udder, I guess...) researchers in Europe now say they've come up with a more Eco-Friendly way to make Ice Cream: Horse Milk! Turns out you can "Milk Mares" and use the milk to make Ice Cream that “Kind of” tastes like the real thing.

- So... Horses don't break wind? No wonder they stampede!

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A popular Briisth TV Veterinarian says Humans may be causing a health crisis for their pets that they’re not even aware of… We could be gassing dog to death. He says 19% of dogs are terrified of the unexpected noise made by Human Flatuflence - and says it can lead to a pet that’s “edgy and nervous all the time”.

- And you thought your dog was upset because you blamed HIM for it.

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A new report says that Irish Olympian Swimmer Daniel Wiffen missed out on the closing ceremony because he was hospitalized after becoming sick with a stomach bug after swimming in the Seine River.

- This is the first time in history an Irishman has been sidelined by something he drank.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Former President Trump is sitting down with Elon Musk for an Interview set to air LIVE on X tonight. And experts say so many people are going to tune in… it’s going to “Break the Internet”.

- If it does break, I’d like to give Trump and Elon a suggestion: Call one of my Grandkids! That’s who I always call when my Internet goes down…

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A Chinese furniture company has begun producing Gorilla-shaped soafa after AI-generated photos of Gorilla-like couches started going viral on social media.

- It’s a great place to do your monkey business.

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During a sit down interview with “CBS Sunday Morning”, President Biden admitted he was pushed out of the presidential race by Democratic Party elites and specifically name-dropped former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

- Well guess who’s not getting a “World’s Greatest Former Speaker of the House” Coffee Mug for Christmas this year??

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According to a new study, washing your fruit before eating - even with soap - doesn’t remove pesticides - and the only way to guarantee your not getting any chemicals is to peel your fruit completely.

- Even Bananas??

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Delta Airlines will no longer say “Ladies and Gentlemen” during their Pre-flight Boarding Announcements at the Gate… saying some passengers find it offensive. They’re looking for something more “Gender Inclusive”.

- Here’s an idea… How about Airlines worry MORE about making sure all the doors stay closed while the plane is flying and LESS about salutations??

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Jennifer Lopez’s house-hunting spree continued this week as she toured a $22-million-dollar Beverly Hills home amid her looming divorce from Ben Affleck.

- Jen’s got a very specific list of needs… She needs a closet for her shoes, one for her purses, and one for her massive ego.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick