In an effort to be more PC, Ford Motor Company notified federal regulators that the 118-year-old automaker has officially replaced the use of "Chairman" with the Gender Neutral "Chair."

- What about TABLES?? Are they going to included??

- In related story, the hyper “Woke” Disney is considering addressing what they call a “Lack of representation of Cars in movies set in Paris in the 15th Century”, by producing a new movie… “The Hatchback of Notre Dame”.

*****

A new study claims that methamphetamine in waterways could be turning Trout into drug addicts.

- That according to Undercover DEA Fish Informant, Billy the Big Mouth Bass.

*****

Because Chick-fil-A restaurants have made past donations to groups that oppose same sex marriage, Democratic legislators in New York are fighting plans to open Chick-fil-A restaurants at rest stops in the state.

- Here’s an idea: If you don’t like their policies, be like the Chicken… CROSS THE ROAD and go to a restaurant on the other side.

*****

J-Lo will direct and star in a series of Broadway Musicals that will be filmed to show on TV.

- I’m really looking forward to her version of that classic hit from “Oklahoma”… “I’m Just a Girl Who Can’t Say No”.

*****

In the latest move to curb the spread of COVID, the South Korean government is banning fast music in gyms to “Prevent people breathing too fast or splashing sweat on other people”.

- I hope this doens’t happen over here… My favorite workout song is Bobby Darin’s “Splish Splash”.

*****

Pope Francis will be staying in the hospital for a few more days to recover from his recent surgery.

- And that’s the latest poop on the Pope.

******

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Sir Richard Branson beat out Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk to become the first Billionaire in Space when he and five crewmates reached an altitude of 53.5 miles over the New Mexico desert on Sunday.

- Branson, who owns Virgin Atlantic said the hardest part of the trip was joining the 53.5 Mile High Club.

*****

Caitlyn Jenner is planning a bus tour of California in the weeks leading up to the California Recall election.

- The Bus tour will be sponsored by Summer’s Eve and Viagra.

*****

Pope Francis made his first public appearance since undergoing major surgery last week.

- The Vatican doctor instructed the Pope not to “Drive or have Sex” for another few weeks.

*****

A British soldier smashed through a ROOF of a California home, landing in the Kitchen, when his parachute failed to open during a 15,000 ft. training jump.

- Don’t you just hate it when people drop by unexpectedly?

*****

Bill Cosby is celebrating his 84th Birthday today!

- And he’s inviting everybody to come over to his place for a Drink.

*****

Speaking of Birthdays… Yesterday was mine. We had a small gathering at my house on Saturday with family and friends. Some special guests dropped by… Big Al, Queen Elizabeth, Gordon Lightfoot, Joe Noune, Coleman A. Young, Ronald Reagan, Columbo, Dave Zoran, Rodney Dangerfield, Kevin O’Neil, Casey Kasem, Rebekah Rhodes, Larry Lawson, the Story Lady and Wendell Ledbetter. Jackie told family stories… but not too many… And I want to thank the whole group for their very special Birthday gift - a Hickory Farms Summer Sausage Sampler!! We danced the night away to the smooth sounds of “Toots Dentino & his Melody Makers” who flew in from Buffalo. Thanks also, to the Chef at Lefty’s Coney Island - who not only catered a great meal… but threw in the loose hamburgers and mustard for FREE!!!

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Joy Behar’s reaction to Meghan McCain’s announcement that she’s leaving “The View” has gone viral on the internet - with people saying Joy just couldn’t hide her happiness.

- I don’t think Joy looks “Happy”… I think she looks like she needs more fiber in her diet.

*****

The International Olympic Committee has finally made a decision… NO SPECTATORS will be allowed at the Summer Olympics in Tokyo which start in just two weeks.

- On a bright note… they’re in talks with Phil Collins to perform at the Opening Ceremonies with his hit, “Sushi, Sushi, Su-shi-dio”. (Does anybody know what that song was about?? I played it 600 times and have no idea!)

*****

As violent crime continues to rise across the country, Democrats - who have supported the “Defund the Police” movement for more than a year - are trying to blame it on the Republicans.

- Really? I’m pretty sure we can Pin this tale on the Donkey.

*****

After being released from Prison last week, Bill Cosby says he wants to tour the country… “Talking to folks about being better citizens”.

- Here’s an idea: How about Bill starts the whole “being a better citizen” thing by keeping his Jell-O Pudding Pop in his pants??

*****

A United Airlines flight from Maui to Newark, New Jersey was delayed after a bird got on the plane.

- What does it say about where we are today that even the Birds have gotten so lazy they don’t want to fly themselves anymore??

*****

New texts show that Hunter Biden spent thousands of dollars PER SESSION with Prostitutes in cities across the U.S.

- Or as CNN reported it… “President Biden’s Son Hunter Creates Hundreds of High Paying Jobs for Women”.

*****

Police are searching for a man who set off fireworks in a bathroom at a public park in Florida after he was seen fleeing the stall as it exploded.

- Are they SURE it was the fireworks??

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Less than three months after breaking off her engagement to Alex Rodriquez, Jennifer Lopez says she’s “Never been happier” and is “Fully committed to spending the rest of her life” with ex-fiance Ben Affleck.

- This is a lesson to young girls everywhere! All you have to do is get engaged to 4 different guys, marry 3 of them, get 3 divorces, get engaged to another guy, break it off with him and get back together with one of the earlier guys you dumped… and you too can live Happily Ever After!!!

*****

Scientists have discovered a new species of Beetle hidden in 230-million-year-old dinosaur poop.

- Well I guess we know the Beetle lost THAT battle.

*****

Speaking of the Beetle… Ringo Starr turns 81 today.

-He’s hoping for a new set of Drums.

*****

Scientists say they’re using an AI computer to try and figure out exactly where in the Universe Aliens would be hiding.

- Here’s a tip for the scientists: Just blindfold the computer and have it yell “Marco”… and wait for the Aliens to yell “Polo”… That should do the trick.

*****

63 year old “Basic Instinct” star Sharon Stone is reportedly dating 25 year old Rapper “RMR” - who wears a ski mask and a gold grill over his face to hide his identity.

- I guess it’s true that opposites attract. We know what he wears… and we know what she doesn’t.

*****

Canada has begun easing COVID border restrictions - but rules barring all non-essential trips between Canada and the United States, including tourism, will remain in place until at least July 21.

- So if you’re Canadian and you want to visit the US this week… you’re gonna have to come in though Mexico just like everybody else.

*****

At least nine men smashed display cases, snatched designer handbags, and ran out the front door of a Neiman Marcus store in San Francisco during BROAD DAYLIGHT robbery yesterday.

- At this point the most positive thing you can say about San Francisco is… “It’s Not Portand”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

A viral TikTok video captured the moment dozens of shoppers at a Walmart joined together for an impromptu performance of the Star Spangled Banner over the 4th of July weekend.

- It was nice to see a performance of the National Anthem where the only guy kneeling was the stock boy cleaning up a spill in the next aisle over.

*****

Prince Harry flew back to California from London directly after the unveiling of Princess Diana’s statue last week.

- Like the rest of us on the 4th of July, he wanted to be here to celebrate “Independence from Great Britain”.

*****

Rumors are swirling about troubles in VP Kamala Harris’s office after dozens of staffers allegedly complained of a “Hostile” working environment.

- On a bright note, if things don’t work out for her she can always get a job as a replacement for Ellen DeGeneres.

*****

A hospital in Ft. Worth Texas broke a world record by delivering 100 babies in a 91-hour span.

- The Hospital and Staff got an award… and each of the Moms got a “Participation Trophy”.

*****

Competitive eating champion Joey "Jaws" Chestnut won the 2021 Nathan's Famous 4th Of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest in NYC by downing 76 Hot Dogs.

- He may have downed 76 dogs, but Kim Kardashian still holds the record for having the Biggest Buns.

*****

The Vatican has said that Pope Francis is doing well following intestinal surgery.

- They say he should be up and Pontificating again in no time.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Accusers of Bill Cosby are outraged after his sexual assault conviction was overturned by the Pennsylvania Supreme Court on a technicality and there’s even talk that “America’s Dad” may sue for wrongful imprisonment.

- It’s a bitter pill to swallow for the many women he abused through the years… which is ironically, how Cosby got in trouble in the first place.

*****

Portland, Oregon is experiencing an unprecedented heat wave with temperatures reaching 112 degrees Fahrenheit.

- It’s so hot… Protestors are putting Ice in their Molotov cocktails before they throw them at Police cars.

*****

In an effort to make reading more fun for kids… Tennessee will soon be home to “Storyville Gardens”… a theme park with attractions and roller coasters based on Children’s books.

- One of the Roller Coasters already under construction is called: “Curious George Throws Up”.

*****

A recent poll conducted in San Francisco found that 70% of respondents believe the quality of life in the city has declined.

- It’s so bad that People are not only leaving their hearts in San Francisco… they’re also leaving all their cash, keys and jewelry that are missing from their hotel rooms.

*****

RealDoll, the company that created the world’s most popular Sex Doll has created a new Male “Senior Sex Doll” complete with Gray hair and Wrinkles. They say it’s for younger women who like “a Mature experience”.

- And for those with a lot of Daddy Issues.

- The Senior Sex Doll is so realistic… it even gets up three times a night to go to the bathroom.

*****

The new issue of Vogue Magazine features First Lady Jill Biden on the cover and a 60,000 word article calling her “A Joy Multiplier”.

- Hmmm… Doesn’t that kinda sound like something you can get online and have delivered to your house in a plain brown wrapper?? (Asking for a friend…)

*****

A new poll shows more than half of Americans feel that Fourth of July parties are risky.

- Not because of fireworks or COVID… but if you attend one, people might accuse you of “Being Patriotic”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

The new issue of Vogue has First Lady Jill Biden on the cover… Vogue has also featured former First Lady Michelle Obama on it’s cover 3 times and Hillary Clinton once - but has never included Melania Trump.

- Hmmm… I wonder why that is? I guess they just don’t wanna have a former model on the cover of a modeling magazine.

*****

The Guinness Book of World Records has crowned a new “World’s Oldest Person”… 112-year-and-326-day- old Emilio Flores Marquez from Puerto Rico.

- TIP: Never answer the door if Guinness shows up to crown you “World’s Oldest Person”. If you do… you’re days are numbered.

*****

A musical based on Harvey Weinstein may be heading to Broadway.

- The show will either be called “Beauties and the Beast” or “Diddler on the Roof”.

*****

A Scientist says he’s learned to communicate with frogs.

- He says talking with Frogs has always been on his “Bucket List”… you know, things you want to do before you croak.

*****

A new study out of MSU found that 1 in 4 couples choose not to have children and that they’re just as happy as couples who do.

- And by “Happy” they mean better rested with a whole lot more money in the bank.

*****

According to new research, People who have the ability and skill to BS their way through a conversation may actually be more intelligent.

- If this is true… Dr. Fauci may just be THE SMARTEST MAN IN THE WORLD!!!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

27 year old Kataluna Enriquez will be the first openly transgender woman to compete for the title of Miss USA after being crowned Miss Nevada on Sunday.

- Can’t you just hear Burt Parks singing… “Here HE is… Miss America!”

*****

Starting today, parents in Wisconsin can select a Gender-Neutral on Birth Certificates… So instead of automatically picking “Mother and Father”… they can choose “Parent-Parent”, "Parent Giving Birth” and “Parent Not Giving Birth”.

- They say a lot of women called for the change… and you know what they say, “If the Parent Giving Birth Ain’t Happy… Ain’t NOBODY Happy”.

- I don’t care what you call ‘em… When Push comes to Shove… Men aren’t going to be the ones doing the Pushing and Shoving.

*****

An Odor Psychologist at Macquarie University in Australia claims a new study proves that the more Meat you eat, the more attractive your body odor smells.

- Thus Elvis’s big hit… “Love Me Tenderloin”.

- Since this study came out of Australia… I’m thinking of testing this theory by turning my 4th of July BBQ into a “Kangaroo Cookout”.

- I never knew there were “Odor Psychologists”.

*****

College Admissions Scandal Alums Lori Loughlin and her husband - who both spent a few months in jail - were photographed frolicking together on a Mexican beach.

- Neither of them speaks Spanish, but before they went down, they paid someone to take a Berlitz course for themselves and rowing lessons for their daughter.

*****

Female Olympic Hammer Thrower Gwen Berry is taking heat for turning her back to the Flag when the National Anthem was played during her Medal ceremony at the Olympic trials.

- Hey Gwen… If you don’t like the USA, why don’t you go throw your Hammer for the Russians… It’ll go great with the Sickle on their Flag.

- The last thing we need right now is a Hammer-thrower with an attitude.

*****

I got a notification on my phone this morning reminding me to update my system to “IOS 14.6” - which will allow me to “Unlock iPhone with Apple Watch while Wearing a Facemask”.

- Huh?

- Call me old fashioned, but I don’t have an Apple Watch. The watch I do have only tells time and I only have to update it twice a year when we Spring Forward and Fall Back. THAT I know how to do. And I normally don’t wear a Facemask to do it.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Portland, Oregon is actually running TV commercials to try to get people to visit by showing it as a good time vacation destination.

- I can see the ads now… “Come to Portand this Summer… You’ll Have a Riot!”

*****

62 year old Madonna put on a surprise performance at NY’s Boom Boom Room over the weekend - wearing leather hot pants and a “Fishnet Bra” over her breasts.

- I’m no fashion designer… but don’t the Fish Nets usually go on the legs… And you put the Leather Bra on your Boom Booms??

- I’m betting it was a SUPPORT Fishnet Bra.

*****

New research out of Isreal found that being unhappy with your marriage, or even perceiving your marriage as bad is as detrimental to men’s health as a lack or exercise or smoking.

- No wonder Bill Clinton smokes cigars. He’s been living on borrowed time he married Hillary.

*****

An intelligence report sent to Congress last week has scientists considering the possibility that UFO's are real.

- On one recorded piece of communication, Aliens can be heard telling citizens not to be alarmed - they're only here to take Joy Behar back home.

*****

EMS workers in Japan rushed to save a woman reported to be floating in sea… only to find out it was actually a Sex Doll somebody had thrown off a boat.

- Paramedics gave her mouth to mouth and chest compressions for 10 minutes. And after realizing she was a sex doll… another hour and a half.

*****

North Korean state TV ran a clip of one of the country’s citizens saying that Kim Jong Un's “Emaciated condition” is “Breaking our people's hearts”.

- If Kim Jong Un is emaciated… I’m the Pope.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Scientists have identified 29 planets where they say Aliens could observe Earth and intercept radio broadcasts.

- They knew Aliens were listening when radio stations kept getting calls requesting tunes by “Jefferson Starship” and “Bill Haley and the Comets”.

*****

McDonald’s locations in California are offering COVID vaccines to their customers.

- So now you can get Two All-Beef Patties, Special Sauce, Lettuce, Cheese, Pickles, Onions and PFIZER on a Sesame Seed Bun!

*****

A recent study finds that consuming Caffeine even 6 hours before bed could ruin your sleep.

- Same thing goes for watching the News.

*****

A new study finds that the vast majority of people would donate a part of their liver to a family member in need.

- Unless your in the ROYAL Family… and the “Member in Need” is Meghan Markle.

*****

A Nebraska man has successfully landed after 60 skydives in just 24-hours… all while completely naked.

- There’s talk of Erecting a statue in his honor.

*****

Norwegian Public Television has released an online “Sex Guide” with descriptions and photographs of 60 different sex positions including “The Squeezing Koala”.

- I’m assuming that one’s from Australia… the Land Down Under.

*****

Russian Navy Vessels have put the Pentagon on alert after they practiced sinking an Aircraft Carrier - 35 miles off the coast of Pearl Harbor… as Russian forces carry out the largest war games since the Cold War.

- We knew it was the Russians instead of the Japanese this time, since instead of yelling “Tora! Tora! Tora!” they shouted “Vodka! Vodka! Vodka!”

- So I guess that little chat Prez Biden had with Vlad Putin last week was a little less “Productive” than the White House would have us believe.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Sharon Stone said she doesn’t understand why everyone thinks Meryl Streep is so great - and says there are lots of other actresses who are “just as talented”.

- I think they’re both great! Nobody can do an accent like Meryl… and nobody can take their pants off like Sharon.

*****

Yesterday, Governor Whitmer lifted all Pandemic restrictions in the State of Michigan - so we no longer have to Socially Distance and we can finally take off our Masks.

- Too bad Sharon Stone isn’t our Governor… We could also take off our PANTS!!

*****

Alec Baldwin and his wife Hilaria are hosting a new Podcast about… Mental Health.

- Are they the HOSTS… or the SUBJECTS??

*****

Sesame Street" is celebrating Pride Month by introducing a new family to the show - Gay Dad’s Frank and Dave. It’s the first time the show has featured a Same-Sex couple.

- Although to be honest, I think we’ve all wondered about Bert and Ernie.

- And what about Statler and Waldorf on the Muppets… the two old guys in the balcony named after Hotels?? I’ve always wondered about them too.

*****

Senator Marco Rubio says that right now China could be developing a much deadlier Pandemic than COVID-19.

- Terrific… Just more great news about China!!

- I’m just hoping the NEXT ONE comes with an Egg Roll and “Chef’s Special Sauce”!

*****

Bill Clinton says that when he first left office, he had “Nightmares” about what could happen to the country after his Presidency.

- Which was a big change from the “Sex Dreams” he had DURING his Presidency.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Kim Jong Un’s sister, Kim Yo Jong, dismissed the idea of better diplomacy with the US, saying hopes of having “talks” with North Korea will "Plunge America into a greater disappointment."

- It can’t be any greater than our dissapointment in her brother’s haircut.

*****

Kim Kardashian has told friends she will not change her sexy style when she becomes a lawyer.

- She’s also said she plans on becoming a Personal Injury attorney since she’s got plenty of experience with Rear-End Collisions.

*****

Harry and Meghan confirm they DID buy “LilibetDiana.com” BEFORE their daughter was even born so “Greedy people couldn’t make money off of the name”. .

- And if anybody knows how greedy people make money off a name it’s Harry and Meghan.

*****

The Emmy Awards Committee announced that in order to be more “Gender Inclusive” from now on Winners of Best Actor and Best Actress Awards can ask to have their statuette engraved with the more Gender-Neutral “Best Performer”.

- What about Losers who “Identify” as Winners? Do they get a statuette too??

*****

A new study out of Penn State found that eating 2 mushrooms a day could lower the risk of developing Cancer by 45 percent.

- But if you have your Daily Mushrooms on a Daily Pizza - it will increase your chances of developing Obesity by 100%.

*****

Pope Francis, Swedish climate activist Greta Thunberg and French Prez Emmanuel Macron are all calling for “Eco-cide” - ie: knowingly harming natural eco-systems - on parr with International War Crimes.

- You wanna talk “Crime”?? How about waking up this morning - on June 22nd - to a temp of 48 degrees?? Mother Nature outta be locked up!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

I hope you all had a great Father’s Day! Bittersweet at my house… but still a nice day. Thanks for all of your kind and thoughtful comments.

*****

Over the weekend, Former President Donald Trump sent Father's Day wishes to “The Radical Left… and other Losers of the World”

- Gee I wonder what store sells that card… I’ve never seen it at Hallmark.

*****

President Biden spent a quiet Father’s Day at the White House.

- Then Hunter surprised his Dad by stopping by and taking him out for Chinese!

*****

The White House announced that the First Dog, Champ, died on Saturday.

- In a related story, President Biden announced that he’s put VP Kamala Harris in charge of finding out the root cause of why dogs run around in circles and drag their butts across the carpet.

*****

Prosecutors in New York City announced that there dropping the cases against most people arrested for Rioting and Looting stores during last year’s protests.

- And as an added bonus, their giving each of the rioters a coupon for a free “Rooty Tootie Fresh and LOOTY Breakfast” at IHOP.

*****

Last Thursday, CNN welcomed political analyst Jeffrey Toobin back on the air… after he was off for several months after being caught “Pleasuring Himself” during a Zoom call with co-workers last year.

- Who’s glad he’s back? Can I see a show of hands?

- So let me get this straight… In these “Woke” days, you get FIRED for SAYING the “Wrong thing”… but Jeffrey gets to KEEP his job for DOING the “Wrong thing”??

*****

Prince Harry was treated to a “Completely Private Father’s Day Celebration” at his California mansion by his wife Meghan and their two kids Archie and 3 week old Lilibet.

- You’ll be able to see pictures of the “Completely Private” party when Meghan leaks them to the Press later this afternoon.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Taking a few days off…

We’ll be back to our usual lighter take on the news in a few days.

Hope you understand…

-Dick & Jackie

I don’t know where to begin to thank you for all of your Prayers and heartfelt condolences about the death of my youngest daughter Julie, who passed away suddenly one week ago today at the age of 45.

As you can imagine, the girls and I are still walking around in a fog of disbelief.

But I thought I’d take a deep breath - and a moment - and tell you a little bit about this wonderful Daughter, Sister, Wife and Mother to 9 year old Brayden.

Julie was the shiest of my girls - not surprising when you come into the world with 5 strong, older sisters. She was thoughtful and kind, funny and smart, and fiercely loyal. When Julie loved you - she did so with her whole heart.

She was passionate about Sports - and a terrific athlete in her own right. When she was growing up, she and I used to go outside and toss the football around. And what an arm!! Julie could throw a pass that would sail the length of 2 front lawns... and I used to think… “I finally got my boy! A really pretty one, but a boy!”

She married her College Sweetheart, Brad Johnson in 2002 and then, in 2012 they welcomed their son Brayden. “The Johnson Boys” as she called them were the center of her Universe. The family of three went everywhere together, whether it be a vacation in Florida or Caribbean Cruise - or a trip downtown to see her beloved Red Wings. Julie wanted Brayden to experience EVERYTHING. She couldn’t have known what a gift she was giving him.

We had a private service for Julie on Thursday attended by family and close friends. One after the other, people talked about how much she cared. How she was never too busy to ask how someone was doing - to lend an ear and a smile - and never ever let anyone leave without a hug goodbye and an “I Love You”. She got that from her Mom… along with her beautiful blue eyes.

As a Dad, I couldn’t be more proud of my little girl. Her loving heart and enthusiastic spirit will live on in our memories - and in my Grandson Brayden - who at 9 is already funny and wise beyond his years - and who we will continue to love with a passion matched only by Julie & Brad.

Over the years, people often referred to our Family as “Dick & Gail, and the 6 J’s” - Jennifer, Jackie, Jill, JoAnne, Jessica and Julie.

And we still are.

-Dick

It is with utter disbelief and a truly broken heart that I share the news that my youngest daughter Julie passed away suddenly Monday morning at the age of 45. . Julie had been battling Thyroid Cancer for the last few months… but was doing well after extensive surgery and radiation and looking forward to being completely healed. We don’t really know what happened… Maybe the treatments were too much - It appears that her heart simply stopped.

Julie… #6 as her 5 older sisters fondly called her… was an incredibly special girl who touched the lives of so many. She was kind and caring, loyal and loving… an amazing Mom to her 9 year old son Brayden and a devoted wife to her best friend and husband of 19 years, Brad. For my late wife Gail and Me… Julie was the happiest of surprises. To be honest, I can’t believe I’m talking about either of them in the past tense. But I take some solace in knowing that they are together again.

I will have more to share with you about my beautiful Julie in the days to come. For now, I just ask that you keep Brad, Brayden - and all of us - in your thoughts and Prayers.

Thank you so much.

-Dick

Footage that seems to show Donald Trump wearing pants without a front zipper fly at a speech this weekend, has thrown his critics into a frenzy, drawing accusations that he put his pants on backwards.

- Hey… Unlike that Disney Duck, at least this Donald WEARS pants.

*****

Medical researchers in Maine, say new research proves that - like Salamanders - Humans have an 'untapped' ability to regenerate parts of their body.

- No one was happier to hear this news than John Wayne Bobbitt.

*****

After welcoming their new baby girl to the world on Friday, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle announced that they’ll be “taking time” off from their jobs.

- What Jobs??

*****

Royal insiders say that naming the baby “Lilibet” - Prince Phillips very private nickname for the Queen was “rude and disrespectful” to her Royal Highness after the Oprah debacle.

- The Palace was hoping they were gonna go with the QUEEN’s nickname for MEGHAN, but Harry and Meghan said “Jezebel” wasn’t even in their top five.

*****

A new poll found that almost 50% of Americans believe that Dinosaurs still exist.

- Well, duh. I just saw a documentary about ‘em called “Jurassic Park”.

*****

A new study finds that edgy drivers might actually be genetically predisposed to “Road Rage” because they over-react to “stress provoked by acceleration events” - a condition they call “Accelerousal”.

- I thought “Accelerousal” was what happened to you when you and your date started “making out” in the car.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

General Motors is building a Lunar Rover to drive astronauts across the moon.

- Question: Does the Moon Rover come with an “Earth Roof”?

*****

Chinese President Xi Jinping has instructed top officials in the country to create a “Lovable” image for China.

- If they want a “Lovable” spokesperson… Ellen DeGeneres is looking for a new gig.

*****

A New Mexico sheriff who is running for mayor of Albuquerque was interrupted at a campaign event when a drone flew in carrying a sex toy.

- Well that’s one way for his campaign to get a lot of buzz.

*****

When a Bride dropped dead of a heart attack during her wedding in India this week, the families made the “Tough Call” to keep the festivities going by having her maid-of-honor SISTER marry the Groom instead.

- Thus the expression… “Never the Bridesmaid, Always the Bride”.

- In their defense, they’d already paid the band.

*****

Buckingham Palace announced that Queen Elizabeth will host President Biden and the First Lady at Windsor Castle later this month.

- The Biden’s are expected to present the Queen with “A Gift From America”… Fingers crossed they give her Meghan Markle.

*****

Google’s “Head of Diversity” may lose his job after it was discovered that he made anti-Semitic posts back in 2007.

- Did he not realize that people could GOOGLE his old comments??

*****

The final installment of the “Fifty Shades of Grey” book series was published this week - finally bringing the S&M saga - that sold millions of copies and was dubbed “Mommy Porn” to an End…

- … Or should I say, Climax.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Pringles has released new chips flavored like a Wendy’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich.

- Which raises the question: Why did the Spicy Chicken Sandwich Flavored Potato Chip cross the road?

*****

As of this morning, Gov Whitmer has lifted all capacity limits for OUTDOOR STADIUMS… but PARENTS, COACHES, and OTHER ADULTS who AREN’T VACCINATED and DO NOT MEET A MASK EXEMPTION are REQUIRED to WEAR A MASK INDOORS… but they’re RECOMMENDED but NOT REQUIRED, for those who are NOT VACCINATED and are PARTICIPATING in any contact sport.

- Could that BE anymore clear??

*****

Dolly Parton days she didn’t wear Sweat Pants around the house during the Pandemic, but opted for a “Super soft Teddy” instead.

- She got the Teddy at a “Victoria’s REALLY BIG, TRIPLE D Secret” store.

*****

Now that Pres. Biden announced that he wants a 90 day investigation into the possibility that COVID came from the Wuhan Lab in China (as Trump has been claiming for the past year) THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA is NOW ADMITTING that they pushed the Chinese story that the VIRUS WASN’T man made in the Lab at China - because THAT’S WHAT TRUMP SAID - and are now embracing the idea that the virus WAS MOST LIKELY MADE in the Chinese Lab in Wuhan.

- Bottom line: According to the Media… If Biden says it - it might be TRUE. If Trump said it - it was definitely FALSE.

*****

Meghan Markle is said to be performing “Reiki Therapy” on Harry and their baby son Archie - meaning should puts her hands on them to send “Healing Energy”.

- Queen Elizabeth says she’s interesting in trying it out… and will start by putting her hands around Meghan’s neck.

*****

Over the weekend, President Biden, his wife Jill, VP Kamala Harris and her husband were going to go to a French Restaurant in DC for lunch.

- But at the last minute they changed their plans and went on a fact finding mission to a Mexican restaurant so Kamala could work on “Finding the root cause” of why refried beans cause gas.

*****

RIP… Tom Shannon who died last week of Cancer at the age of 82. Tom and I were friends for many years - after actually meeting in our high school days in Buffalo. He was the consummate professional on CKLW as well as WKBW in Buffalo. Everybody who knew Tom always said he was as nice a human being as you’d ever be lucky enough to know. And I couldn’t agree more. He was a great talent… and an even greater guy.

*****

Have a good day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Memorial Day 2021

Over my last few years on the air approaching Memorial Day Weekend, I recited the following poem in honor and in memory of the brave men and women of the Military who have laid down their lives that we may live ours.

That poem, “The Inscription”, was sent to me by a listener, Paul Reside. Paul’s Grandmother, Annabelle Gunnett Jones, penned it around 1932. The poem was picked up and published in the the Perry County, Ohio newspaper for a number of years on “Decoration Day”, or as we know it today - “Memorial Day”.

Annabelle was inspired to write the poem by her husband, a World War I Veteran, as a tribute to the Unknown Soldier. 

I hope you will share “The Inscription” with your family and friends.  In these turbulent times, it is imperative that we never forget the sacrifice our men and women in uniform have made, and continue to make today, so that we may live in freedom.  

Just click on the underlined link below to hear me reading the words written so long ago… that still resonate today.   

“The Inscription” by Annabelle Gunnett Jones

I hope you are enjoying a safe and happy Memorial Day Weekend. God Bless America!

-Dick