The NY Yankee’s Aaron Judge hit his historic 62nd Home Run last night breaking Roger Maris’s record of 61 Home Runs in a single season set back in 1961. Before that, the record was held by Babe Ruth, who hit 60 HR’s in 1927. As I mentioned, Judge plays for the Yankees… as did Ruth and Maris when they set their records.

- Apparently the 63 Home Runs I hit during a single season of Junior High baseball doesn’t count. All I got was a stupid “Participation Trophy”.

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Inside sources are claiming that Tom Brady and Giselle Bundchen have hired divorce attorneys.

- You didn’t hear from me… but I’ve heard the issue boils down to this: Giselle is a big jewelry fan and she’s jealous that Tom has more Rings than she has.

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Three scientists have been awarded the Nobel Prize for chemistry for their collective work that produced what the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences calls “An ingenious tool for building molecules”.

- Molecules Schmolecules! How about building something we could ALL REALLY USE… like, say… A big sign that comes on to remind you when you walk into a room and immediately forget why you went in there.

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A Cadillac Escalade used as Mafia boss Tony Soprano’s personal vehicle in the final three seasons of “The Sopranos” is up for sale. The 2003 SUV is autographed by actor James Gandolfini and is listed for $175,000… but the owner says he’ll “consider other offers”.

- So go ahead. Make him an offer he can’t refuse.

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The total number of Americans who used Google to search for “Excuses to Miss Work” soared from 355,890 in 2018 to almost 4 MILLION in 2022 — a ten-fold increase.

- With 25% of Americans still working from home… they’re basically calling their boss from their bedroom to say their too sick to make it to the living room??

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America is officially facing a butter shortage right before the holiday season.

- The politicians are handling the crisis differently. Biden is blaming the Butter Shortage on Putin, Bernie Sanders says “Free Butter is Guaranteed by the Constitution”, and Trump has already made hats that read: “Make Margarine Great Again”.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

RIP… Country Legend Loretta Lynn - known for writing and singing hits like “Coal Miner’s Daugher” and “Don’t Come Home a Drinkin’ (With Lovin’ on Your Mind)” died peacefully at her home in Tennessee this morning at age 90. She was the older sister of Crystal Gayle - whose hit “Don’t it Make My Brown Eyes Blue” we parodied on my radio show as “Donuts Make My Brown Eyes Blue” and played many times over the years.

Cute story about Lorretta… she once said, “Daddy used to come out on the porch where I would be singing and rockin’ the babies to sleep. He’d say, ‘Loretta, shut that big mouth. People all over this holler can hear you.’ And I said, ‘Daddy, what difference does it make? They’re all my cousins.’”

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It’s International “Toot Your Flute Day”…

But let's not stand on ceremony! If you don't have a Flute... Toot anyways!!!

And being October 4th... It's 10-4… aka “Broderick Crawford Day” as we used to call it on my show! As you may remember, “10-4” is what his his character Chief Dan Matthew barked out regularly on his TV show “Highway Patrol”.

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There is a growing movement in Australia to have Queen Elizabeth’s image on the $5 Bill replaced not with King Charles III as would be tradition - but with Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin - who fans say is more representative of Down Under.

- Well if that’s the criteria, why not go with Koala Bears and Kangaroos?

*****

According to a new study, a majority of people say listening to music is the best way to deal with a romantic break-up.

- The 2nd best way of dealing with a romantic breakup is “Throwing all their stuff on the front lawn”.

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The study also found that Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You,” and Fleetwood Mac’s “Go Your Own Way” are considered two of "The Best Breakup Songs” ever recorded.

- Followed by, “If You’re Happy and You Know It… Clap Your Hands!!!”

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Norwegian Cruise Line confirmed that New York City has approached the company inquiring about using a cruise ship to house an influx of illegal immigrants to the city.

- Here’s an idea… Maybe they could swing the boat by Ellis Island and have the immigrants get off and enter the country the old fashioned way?

*****

According to a new poll, 4 in 5 Americans believe that if animals were able to talk like people, Dogs would be the first to speak up.

- Some male dogs already DO talk… When they see a pretty girl dog walk by, the first thing you hear is… “Woof!”

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53% of those polled say they imagine their favorite pet would have a certain tone, accent, or pattern of speaking.

- For example, People with English Bull Dogs think they’d speak “Proper English”, German Shepard’s would “Bark Orders” and French Bulldogs “Would laugh while they Oui Oui” all over your carpet.

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“Bros”… Billed as Hollywoods’s first “All-Gay Romantic-Comedy” bombed at the box office bringing in just $5 MILLION nationwide in it’s opening weekend.

- I guess that means they’re gonna pull the plug on “When Harry Met Stanley” and “Thelma Loves Louise”.

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A pregnant Florida woman braved strong winds and potentially dangerous flooding to get to a hospital after she went into labor during Hurricane Ian.

- Both Mom and Baby are doing well… although Mom says that both she and her basement are still retaining water.

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A man was arrested at an airport in China for illegally importing almost 500-pounds of chicken, beef, and pork stuffed in his luggage.

- What’s even worse… his bags containing the side of white rice, egg rolls and Sweet & Sour Sauce got lost and ended up at another airport.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Didn’t know what picture to put up today to capture the scope of loss and destruction that Hurricane Ian has brought to Florida and the Southern Region.

Since October arrives tomorrow… we thought we’d let this little guy sum up our sadness about the catastrophe. Thoughts and Prayers to everyone affected and those working to help!!!

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The White House says that Russian men who are fleeing the country to avoid being drafted into Putin’s war against Ukraine should seek asylum in the U.S.

- Well why not?? Everybody else is comin’ in!!!

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Yesterday, Amazon introduced it’s new “Halo Rise” Sleep Tracker… a bedside device that uses non-contact sensors and artificial intelligence to track room temperature, humidity, light. plus the movement and breathing patterns of the person closest to it to give insight into how well you slept. The cost? $139.

- I think I’m going to save the $139 and go with my tried and true “Sleep Tracker” - The Mirror. I walk in the bathroom, look at my face, say to myself, “You look tired. Another Bad Night’s sleep”. You know what it cost me? Nothing!

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Vice President Kamala Harris made a gaffe during her speech at the Korean Peninsula's Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) on Thursday, saying that the United States has a "strong alliance" with "the Republic of NORTH Korea” - instead of SOUTH Korea.

- To be fair, like here in America, things near the Southern Border area aren’t exactly her area of expertise.

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A new study finds that “Searching for Meaning” on your Smartphone or Social Media can “Inadvertently exacerbate feelings of despair.”

- Forget searching for “Meaning”… How about spending two hours just SEARCHING for where you left your SMARTPHONE??

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Mayor Eric Adams said that New York City has a “brand” that a place like Kansas doesn’t have.

- It’s true! In Kansas, if you click your heels together three times, all you do is go home! In New York, if you click your heels together three times, you can commit a violent felony, get arrested, and be back out on the street committing a “smash and grab” by dinnertime! Start spreadin’ the news!!!

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Hefty has announced it will roll out pumpkin spice-scented garbage bags beginning tomorrow, September 30th.

- It’s a great way to share the excitement of Fall with the Raccoons in your neighborhood or Garage who may not be Pumpkin Spice Coffee Drinkers.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

All eyes are on Florida today as Ian makes landfall as a Category 4-bordering-on-5 Hurricane. I know we get a lot of comments on the blog from people in the affected areas of the country… So If you’re reading the blog down there… our thoughts and Prayers are with you!! Stay Safe!!!

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Russian State Media is reporting that residents of occupied Ukrainian territories voted overwhelmingly to be annexed by Russia… but failed to mention that the people had been marched to the ballot box at gunpoint.

- Well that's one way to "Get Out the Vote".

- That's the difference between Russia and the US. In Russia they threaten to kill people if they don't vote the "right way". In the US... we let Dead people vote!

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Over fifteen-hundred Virginia residents were left without power due to a rat “that infiltrated a piece of equipment" causing the power grid to go down.

- Okay… I looked it up. There are currently 2 MILLION rats living in New York City. Meanwhile, 1.4 MILLION households in NYC have cars. That’s almost 2 rats per car. Now imagine that everyone buys an electric car. Now one of those cars leaves Poughkeepsie at 5am goin 60 mph with a rat in the trunk. Another car leaves the train station in Scranton at 7:30 with no rats… but a wheel of cheese… This reminds me of a math question in high school. I couldn’t answer it then… I can’t answer it now. RATS!!

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Newly released footage shows dozens of people entering a Wawa convenience store in Philadelphia, ransacking the aisles, stealing everything in sight and even twerking on the counter… a brazen attack that led to exactly ZERO ARRESTS.

- What’s happened to Philadelphia?? We used to think of it as the home of the Liberty Bell and it’s famous Crack. Now it it seems like a lot of people who live there are ON Crack.

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A semi filled with adult "Pleasure" toys overturned on a highway in Oklahoma earlier this week, spilling the goodies onto the roadway bringing traffic to a standstill.

- But thanks to clean up crews, motorists were buzzing along in no time.

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When asked which of the five senses are the most important to them, 77% of Americans picked “Sight” as #1.

- Boy I didn’t see that one coming.

- With the bizarre way things are in this country these days… I would have picked “Common Sense” as the most important!!!

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An Australian man said he almost had a heart attack when he reached for some TP and his hand almost landed on a giant spider that was sitting on the toilet paper roll.

- It could have been worse... I mean "The Itsy Bits Spider... Went Up the Water Spout..."

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

President Biden has postponed his scheduled trip to Florida due to Hurricane Ian.

- Meanwhile Kamala Harris has postponed going to the Southern Border because… she doesn't feel like going.

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NASA has successfully crashed a small spacecraft into a football- stadium sized asteroid in humanity’s first test of planetary defense. The hope is that the technology could be used to break up asteroids headed for earth in the future.

- The Dinosaurs were like, "You couldn't have come up with this a couple of million years ago??"

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Bus drivers in Beijing will now have to wear a Government-issued device that will track their emotions, blood pressure, exercise and sleep.

- Sounds like Apple just found a new customer.

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According to a new poll, 50% of Americans believe they’ll be leaving their current job within the next year.

- And the ones who work in Congress... may be leaving as soon as November 8th.

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“Here You Come Again”… A Musical About the life of Dolly Parton debuted in Delaware last weekend.

Speaking of that… NBC announced the Golden Globes are coming back to Television in 2023!

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Dr. Albert Bourla - the 4-time-vaccinated head of Pfizer - announced that he has tested POSITIVE for COVID for the second time in a MONTH.

- I guess he needs one more shot. You know what they say... Fifth times the charm!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Mark Zuckerberg lost $71 BILLION last week as shares of Meta (formerly Facebook) tumbled leaving him with “just” $56 BILLION.

- Money's so tight... He was going to buy himself a country, but now he's waiting to get a better deal on Groupon.

*****

Nancy Pelosi was loudly booed during an appearance at the Global Citizens concert in NYC over the weekend which she attended with her husband Paul - their first public outing together since his arrest for DUI.

- Nancy got BOOED. He husband Paul got BOOZED.

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91-year-old James Earl Jones has announced that he will no longer be voicing Darth Vader in any new “Star Wars” movies.

- "Luke... I am retired".

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President Biden surprised Elton John by awarded him with the National Humanities Medal during a concert by sir Elton on the White House lawn over the weekend.

- Elton sang “I'm Still Standing"... and Joe jumped up and said, "So am I !!!"

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A record-breaking number of New York residents traded their driver’s licenses for Florida last month.

- They may have to drive behind a guy with his left blinker on for the rest of their lives… but at least they’ll actually be ALIVE.

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Stanford scientists say that it’s more costly to charge your electric car at night and it could stress out your local electric grid.

- I'm gonna be honest. I have a hard time remembering to plug my PHONE in at night. Wait til I have to start trying to remember where I put the cord to charge the CAR.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Please join me tomorrow, Saturday September 24th as we kick off the Northridge Food Drive to help local families in need at Busch’s Market in Plymouth! I’ll be there with the team from Northridge from 9am to 3pm collecting much needed food items that will help our friends and neighbors as we head into the Holidays!

Busch’s Market is located at the Southwest corner of Sheldon Road and 5 Mile… and there are lots of ways you can give!

• Get your own shopping done and pick up items to donate at the same time!

• Purchase a prepackaged breakfast or dinner box for a family by simply texting “FoodDrive” to 31616 for a link to purchase!

• Bring extras from your own pantry

With inflation the highest it’s been in 40 years… more and more people are struggling to put food on the table for themselves and their families. The Northridge Food Drive is a great, easy way to help!

Please stop by tomorrow - Saturday, September 24 from 9am to 3pm, say hello, and DONATE some canned or boxed Food items!!

As always, thanks so much for your support!

-Dick

Today is the Autumnal Equinox… with Fall officially arriving at 9:04pm tonight. And that can only mean one thing!!! Only 179 days until Spring!!!

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In honor of it’s 100th Birthday next year, the landmark Hollywood sign in Los Angeles is getting a paint job.

- Well Hooray for Hollywood.

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A diversity and inclusion training by the United States Air Force Academy in Colorado instructs cadets to use words that "include all genders" like “Parent” or “Caregiver”… and to refrain from saying things like "Mom" and "Dad."

- What’s next?? Ask them not to use terms like “War”?? Maybe they should use a more “Inclusive” term like “Non-Peace Related Activity”.

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New York Governor Kathy Hochul put criminals on notice that she’s adding more cameras on the subway.

- It’s not going to do anything to STOP crime… but it will provide some great shots for the new show “America’s Funniest Subway Shooting Videos”.

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According to a new poll, the average coffee drinker absolutely refuses to pay more than $3-dollars for a regular-sized coffee.

- Apparently the “Average Coffee Drinker” has never been to Starbucks.

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The cosmetic product company “Native” now has a pumpkin spice deodorant.

- Which is perfect for people who want to go into the world with the confidence that they smell like like a freshly baked muffin.

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Researchers from Johns Hopkins University say students who feel like their school is “a prison” are more likely to have lower test scores and not attend college.

- They’re also more likely to sharpen their pencils into shivs, lift weights during recess, and get involved in a “Cigarettes-for-Grades” program with their teachers.

- Ironically, these days kids spend more time in school than most criminals spend in jail.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

A brothel in Australia has seen a big uptick in business since they started offering a “Lunch Special” on Facebook which includes a hot meal and “A quickie” all for just $100 US dollars.

- Wow. That’s a lot of bang for your buck.

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The chief operating officer of Beyond Meat was arrested for allegedly biting a man's nose in a parking garage after the Arkansas-Missouri State football game.

- Twenty bucks says the guys nose tastes better than one of those fake burgers.

- Oh sure... biting someone's nose sounds funny, but it's snot.

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NOTE: If you’re out of town or haven’t been able to see the PBS Documentary, “Detroit Remember When: A Tribute to Dick Purtan”… that ran last Thursday night, we’ll tell you how at the end of this blog!!! Stay tuned!!!

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A Top Russian aviation scientist has died after “Falling down SEVERAL FLIGHTS OF STAIRS” at a Moscow institute linked to Vladimir Putin's defence ministry - the latest in a growing line of officials seen as a threat to Putin’s power who have died under “Mysterious Circumstances”.

- How do you accidentally fall down SEVERAL flights of stairs?? You fall down one... get up, brush yourself off... and ACCIDENTALLY fall down ANOTHER ONE???

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Speaking of Vlad... this morning the Russian leader announced that he's calling up 300,000 new soldiers for the war against Ukraine and is threatening to use Nuclear Weapons - a move he says is "Not a Bluff".

- Well I hope he waits until after the midterms! I'm curious to see how things are gonna turn out!

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According to a new study in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, there are at least 20 QUADRILLION ANTS roaming the Earth at any given moment.

- Just a little something to think about when you’re laying in bed tonight and you get that random little itch on your leg that you scratch and then it moves to your head and you start wondering if there’s something in bed with you.

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President Biden shocked his own Medical experts by going on 60 Minutes Sunday and announcing that the Pandemic "Is Over".

- I'm not going to believe it until he orders all the flags to fly at half MASK.

And finally… Regarding the documentary, just click on the photo and it will take you directly to the right page on the DPTV.org website where you can watch the 60 minute program!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Jackie here! Well… it’s arrived!!! Tonight from 9 to 11pm, Detroit Public Television Presents Detroit Remembers: A Tribute to Dick Purtan (My Dad!!!). This incredible documentary follows my Dad’s 45+ year Detroit Radio Career… and features interviews with my sisters and me, cast members of Purtan’s People, Tim Allen, Ted Koppel, etc… and of course, Dad himself.

Plus… You’ll hear classic Put-On Calls, bits from the show, how Dad brought the Beatles to Cincinnati on their first American tour and behind-the-scenes stories about his life both in front of - and behind - the microphone. From his incredible Charity work to the way he helped us through the shock and disbelief of 9/11… it’s all there. And from what they tell me… You’ll even find out where the idea for that Mustache came from! (And to think I thought he was born with it!)

From the bottom of my heart… I couldn’t love my Dad more… or be any prouder of him!!! On behalf of all my sisters and myself, I invite you to join us tonight for this remarkable look at a remarkable life!!!

Detroit Remember When: A Tribute to Dick Purtan

9-11pm DPTV, Channel 56 (check your local listing) and streaming locally @ DPTV.org

The broadcast event will repeat on Friday at 8:00 pm

SPECIAL NOTE: For those of you who live out of town… the Documentary will be available on Video on Demand at DPTV.org in the coming days. I will post a link here as soon as it’s up!!!

Thanks so much… have a great day… and I hope to “see you” tonight from 9 to 11pm on Detroit Public TV!

-Jackie

As promised… Today I want to let you know about something really exciting happening this Thursday night, September 15th!

About a year ago… the fine folks at Detroit Public TV came to me with a proposal: They wanted to produce a documentary about… wait for it… Yours Truly. Or more specifically… my 45 year radio career here in Detroit. To be honest, I wasn’t sure anyone would be that interested, but I was nonetheless flattered and agreed.

I spent about three hours one afternoon being interviewed on camera in my living room… but other than that, I left the “storytelling” to the filmmakers. They talked to my daughters, friends, and members of the morning show… tracked down archival footage, curated a remarkable collection of old photos, and went through hundreds of hours of reel-to-reel tapes of my old shows for this two hour long documentary.

And I think you’ll recognize the Narrator’s voice… Yes, that’s Big Al… In fact, just click on the arrow in the middle of the pic of my face (lol) to hear an interview he did with JJ Johnson and my daughter, JoAnne on Oldies 104.3 WOMC yesterday morning for more about the special!!!

NOTE: In the interest of full-disclosure… I haven’t seen the whole thing yet. They offered to show me a “Rough Cut” last week… but I figured it would be fun to watch it along with everyone else on Thursday night!

Speaking of which… Here are the details:

Detroit Remember When: A Tribute to Dick Purtan

Thursday, Sept, 15 9-11pm

Detroit PBS Channel 56 on Broadcast… and Streaming locally at dptv.org

I hope you’ll join me in this look back at my life and the show - both on and off the mic, up and down the radio dial through the years. But remember… I haven’t seen it yet! So DON’T TELL ME HOW IT ENDS!!

Have a great day… and don’t forget to tune-in Thursday night from 9 to 11 on your local PBS Television Station!

-Dick

What a somber weekend. Yesterday, we marked the 21st Anniversary of the horrific attacks of 9/11. Though the smoke has cleared and the rubble long since swept away, the shock, confusion, disbelief, pain, and unimaginable grief we first felt on that cool September morning are always just below the surface.

While we must never forget what happened to us and our country that day… the lives lost and our very way of life under attack, we must also never forget how we came together as Americans in the aftermath. There was no “Dem” or “Rep”, “Me” or “You”, …. It was “Us”.

We owe it to those who lost their lives, to our country, to each other and to ourselves to get that Spirit back!

Plus…. the United Kingdom and the World continues to Mourn the Death of Queen Elizabeth II who died Friday at the age of 96 after 70 years as the British Monarch. She will be laid to rest on Monday, September 19th, one week from today.

*****

On a lighter note…

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A recent survey finds that the top things couples bicker about include leaving the toilet seat up and leaving the lights on.

- Or is it the other way around??

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New research has found that feelings of happiness last longer after your favorite sports team wins, than it does when you hear your partner say “I love you.”

- And if your a Lions fan and you want to feel happy, your spouse has to say “I Love You” constantly during the fourth quarter of EVERY game.

*****

A Florida man says he found a large snake hitching a ride on his windshield while driving home.

- What? He’s never heard of a Windshield Viper??

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow with some REALLY BIG NEWS about something very special coming up this Thursday night!!! Stay tuned…

-Dick

96 year old Queen Elizabeth II is said to be in the final stages of life and is under “medical supervision” at Balmoral Castle, her beloved home in Scotland. Members of the Royal Family have rushed to her side. More details as they become available.

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In other news…

Federal Health Officials said that Americans will likely need to get a single COVID shot EVERY YEAR as a “routine part of our lives”… with the WH Doctor saying, “I really believe this is why God gave us two arms… one for the flu shot… and the other one for the COVID shot”.

- And might I point out that God also gave us two Middle fingers.

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White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre is being criticized after she accidentally called Russia’s Nord Stream 1 pipeline “Nordstrom” — as in the department store.

- Karine complained that Conservatives are “Always putting a TARGET on my back”.

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According to new research, parents who reward children with food risk their kids becoming “emotional eaters” who use food to regulate their feelings.

- Maybe my parents did that to me! When I feel hungry… I eat. When I feel full… I stop.

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A Florida driver was spotted with a 10-foot dead alligator tied to the back of a Jeep SUV this weekend.

- Most Florida Gator fans go with a Bumper Sticker but, hey… whatever works.

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Kim Kardashian now says that she wants to be in a Marvel Super Hero Movie.

- Kim would make a great Superheroine! How about Wonder Woman… as in… “I Wonder why that Woman is in the news Everyday???”

- And come to think of it we’ve got Spiderman, Thor, and Captain America… Kim would be the perfect “Butt-Girl” !!!

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Tom Hanks wife Rita Wilson was caught on camera crying while having dinner with husband Tom and their 32 year old son Chet Hanks at a restaurant in Malibu. Chet - who is a 32 year old heavily tattooed wanna-be-rapper who has struggled with drug addition - has said that his dad is “Not a good male role model”.

- You know… Having kids is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Hillary Clinton says she started wearing her famous pantsuits after photogs took “suggestive” photos of her during an official trip to Brazil 30 years ago - where her legs weren’t totally together — that ended up being used in lingerie ads.

- If they ever do a “Basic Instinct” remake… Hillary would be PERFECT in one of her Pantsuits!!

The most memorable part of the infamous scene for me was that Wayne Knight, who played Newman on “Seinfeld” played one of the interrogators (True!!!) .

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A man was caught on camera sneaking into the dressing room of the “Laugh Factory” Comedy Club in Vegas, stealing a magician's costume, and performed a trick.

- Luckily, the Police caught the impromptu “Magician”, put him in handcuffs and made HIM disappear.

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Rumor in DC has it that Nancy Pelosi has asked Prez Biden to be named Ambassador to Italy if the Democrats lose the House in November and she has to hand over the Speaker's gavel. The cushy Ambassador's Villa in Rome boasts a pool, private gardens and a three-story wine cellar.

- All she needs is a driver for her husband, Paul and she'll be all set!

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Russia is allegedly so desperate for soldiers, they’re offering cash bonuses to patients at a Russian Mental Hospital to join the fight against Ukraine.

- They may be sick… but they’re not Crazy!!

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A drug-sniffing dog led police at an Italian airport to find approximately 30 pounds of cocaine stuffed into a motorized wheelchair. The so-called “Handicapped” man in the chair immediately stood up and was arrested.

- Well I hope they let him go!!! I mean…. IT’S A MIRACLE!!!! He can walk!!!!

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Security video caught three thieves breaking into a locked car with the intention of car jacking the vehicle… but they didn’t count on the two naked people they found having sex in the back seat. Undeterred, they tossed the naked duo onto the sidewalk and made off with the car.

- Well, at least somebody in the story got a happy ending.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Have a Safe, Happy & Healthy Holiday!

We’ll see you back here tomorrow!

-Dick

According to a new survey, 1 in 3 people would dump a dating partner who eats in bed.

- The technical name for the dates they dump is “Pigs in a Blanket”.

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Former President Bill Clinton and sex therapist Dr. Ruth were spotted sitting together, talking and laughing at the U.S. Open in Flushing, Queens.

- Gee… I wonder what they talked about??

- There hasn’t been a couple with that much combined sexual knowledge since Masters & Johnson.

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Elon Muskl took to Twitter to warn his 104 million followers of what he sees as a looming threat to humanity. Under a drawing of an asteroid hitting Earth and wiping out the dinosaurs he wrote: “This will happen again - Just a matter of time”.

- Well I sure hope it’s not until later next week…. I’ve got plans for the Holiday weekend.

*****

Movie tickets across the U.S. will cost just $3 on Saturday in celebration of National Cinema Day.

- Which is great news if going to a $3 movie is on your Popcorn Bucket List.

*****

Chris Rock told a Phoenix comedy show audience that he was asked to host the 2023 Oscars but declined the opportunity.

- The Academy said it came as a real slap in the face.

*****

A new study indicates that even male dolphins need “Wingmen” to secure the interest of potential female mates.

- The friend gets the girls attention, so the interested Dolphin can Flipper his number.

- Huh. I thought Dolphins meet their dates on Plentyofish.com… And then invite them over for drinks at their Bachelor Pods. (Ba da Boom!)

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

According to a new poll, 1/3 of pet parents have more photos of their furry friends on their phones than of their kids or significant other - with the average owner taking more than 400 pics of their pet every year.

- Some dogs even take pictures of THEMSELVES on their owners phones. One lady said her dog took over 500 "SHELTIES".

*****

Colin Kaaperknick’s fiancé has given birth to the couples first child!

- The Baby is said to have it’s Mom’s Eyes and Mouth… and Dad’s Knees.

*****

The Biden administration announced it will nominate an ambassador-at-large for the Arctic, raising the profile of American policymaking for the region.

- I thought we already had a whole team of ambassadors-at-large in the Arctic… Santa Claus… Frosty the Snowman… Christmas Carol… Rudolph.

*****

Rocker Ozzy Osbourne says he and his wife Sharon are packing up their family and moving back to England because he is "Fed up with people getting killed every day" in America.

- He might bite the head off bats… but he’s got a point.

- So THEY get Ozzy Osbourne back and we have to KEEP Meghan Markle?? That doesn’t seem fair.

*****

Forget about a kiss on the cheek… Google program manager Devon Loucks reportedly gives his “First Dates” an “Online Exit Survey” so they can rate his performance.

- He's brave. Men don't usually like to hear the words "Rate" and "Performance" in the same sentence. (Or so I’ve been told…)

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Authorities in Catalonia, Spain are now urging women to swim topless to fight gender discrimination.

- So the Rain in Spain Stays Mainly on the Plain… But the Spanish Chest, Is Best Left UN-Dressed.

- Now this is the kind of movement us men can get behind. Or should I say… In FRONT of.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

According to “industry insiders”, the upcoming live-action “Barbie” movie is having an effect on real life interior design - with home owners opting for Pink Walls, Frilly Bedspreads, and “Pastel Sheepskin Accents” in an attempt to create their own “Malibu Dreamhouse”.

- Did we learn NOTHING from the 70’s??

- I’d like to look like “Ken” too… but I asked my daughters and they told me he’s missing a few “key” parts of which I wasn’t aware.

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Yesterday, President Biden announced a massive “Student Loan Forgiveness” program that will “Forgive” up to $20,000 in Student Loan Debt per student… which according to new figures released this morning - will cost taxpayers upwards of $500 BILLION.

- For those of you who aren’t good at math… let me put this in perspective: $500 BILLION is a whole $%^# ton of money.

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A man in Italy tested positive for COVID, Monkeypox and HIV all in one day… becoming the first person on record to have all three ailments at the same time.

- The last person to get three viruses in one day was Madonna… and that was only last Thursday.

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Virginia school district requires all teachers to complete a training program that says that children of all ages - INCLUDING PRE-SCHOOL - can request to be addressed by different names and pronouns WITHOUT their parents' permission.

- If this rule had been in place when I was in Pre-School… my teacher would have had to call me “Mr. Superman-Bus Driver-Soldier-Disc Jockey-Bazooka Bubble Gum-Boy” .

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A new study is urging people over the age of 85 to start walking for at least ten minutes every day in order to live even longer.

- Reminds me of the old joke… “My Grandmother started walking two miles everyday when she turned 60. Now she’s 83 and we have no idea where she is”.

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Eight-year-old Emmitt Bailey beat out 688 other contestants to take home this year's "USA Mullet Championship". The little boy has been working on his "do" since he was six and plans to spend his $2500 prize on a go-cart.

- And... hopefully... a Haircut.

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Police discovered more than 400 pounds of Cocaine that had been shipped into Australia by a Mexican drug cartel.

- It was sent to the home of some Coke addicted Kangaroos who Police said, when they arrived, were "Totally hopped up on the stuff".

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On Monday, a 52 year old man pleaded guilty to robbing the Dearborn Federal Savings Bank at gunpoint back in March… and then hiding out in a Porta-Potty where he was eventually apprehended by Police.

- I’m not usually one for “Soft-on-Crime” policies but this guy hid out in a PORTA-POTTY?? I say give him TIME-SERVED!!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

It’s National Can Opener Day!! Which can mean only one thing… Dickie is having Spaghetti-Oh’s for lunch!

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Sylvester Stallone and his wife Jennifer Flavin are calling it quits after 25 years of marriage… just weeks after he had the tattoo of her face on his arm removed and replaced with a new tattoo of his deceased dog, “Butkus”.

- Wasn’t Butkus a Roman Emperor?? Sure, there was Tiberius, Caesar, Augustus, Nero, Marcus Aurelius, Dick Butkus…

- He may not have been that great an Emperor, but he was the best player on the Roman Football Team!! He packed the Colluseum every Sunday and they ALWAYS beat the Lions!!!

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According to a new study, children who skip breakfast are more likely to exhibit behavioral problems.

- But teachers say that kids who start the day with a bowl of Frosted Flakes tend to show up to school with an attitude that’s “Grrrrrrrreat”.

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A new study conducted by the University of Michigan for the National Institutes of Health found that 43% of 19 -22 year olds smoked cannabis at some point last year.

- I’m sure that comes as great news to all the parents who just wrote a big fat tuition check and dropped their kids off for their first week of the new semester at college!!!

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California Governor Gavin Newsom VETOED a state bill that would allow Los Angeles, Oakland, and San Francisco to open legal drug injection sites where drug addicts could shoot up in public saying it may lead to “unintended consequences”.

- You know… “Unintended consequences” like say, drug addicts shooting up in public.

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According to a new study, obsessively watching the news can make you mentally and physically sick… and 1 in 6 Americans suffer from a “Severely problematic” news addiction that leaves them in a constant state of high alert leaving them feeling powerless, in danger, and unable to sleep.

- I miss the good old days when we didn’t tune in to the news for the NEWS…. We tuned in to hear Bill Bonds challenge Coleman Young to a boxing match!!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick