Dr. Fauci announced that he'll step down as President Biden's Chief Medical Advisor in December.

- He hasn't said what he'll do next... but maybe he could be Marvel’s next Superhero!!! He’s already got the Mask!!!

- But don’t look for him to be leaping over any tall buildings… he’s pretty short.

*****

A Professor at Azabu University in Japan has determined that dogs actually get tears in their eyes after being reunited with their owners - IF they’ve been separated for 7 hours or more.

- Did they consider that if Rover's owner hasn't been home in 7 hours... maybe he has tears in his eyes because he has to go to the bathroom so bad??

*****

A video has gone viral of a fan at a Yankee’s game enjoying his “Stadium Snacks” in a rather unusual way… He takes his hot dog out of the bun… then sticks it in his beer and uses it as a straw.

- How much you wanna bet that wasn't the FIRST beer he'd had during the game??

*****

There’s a new job on Hollywood movie sets… “Intimacy Coordinators”. They’re described as “similar to stunt coordinators” but are there to “help set movements” so "things go smoothly" during nude and/or sex scenes.

- In my day, the “Intimacy Coordinator” was your Mother or Father - depending if you were a boy or a girl. For example, in the movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” there was a line I’ll never forget. It was the mother of the bride giving advice to her daughter as she prepared for the wedding and the “Wedding Night”. She gestured from her head to her toes and said simply, “Shave everything!”

*****

New research warns that modern pesticides are leaving bees’ brains “buzzed.”

- In fact - just one spray of weed killer has the same effect as a bee drinking two Vodka Stingers.

*****

Two pilots are believed to have put their Ethiopian Airlines plane on autopilot and fallen asleep when they missed their landing during a flight from Sudan to Ethiopia last week.

- By the time they woke up, they were literally between Iraq and a Hard Place.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

I rode in the Woodward Dream Cruise on Saturday… Had a great time in the Salvation Army “Bed & Bread Club Truck” - that’s part of the program that feeds thousands of Men, Women and Kids in our community everyday! NOTE: The pic is of a miniature replica… These days, I have a little more grey in my stash!

*****

According to a new Poll, nearly 75% of Americans think the US is headed in the WRONG direction, and more than half worry the country's best years are in the past.

- But other than that…. Happy Monday!!!

*****

Dennis Rodman says he “Got permission” to go to Russia this week to try and help work out a prison-swap for WNBA player Britney Griner who is serving a 9 year sentence for a drug offense.

- Just a thought… Dennis dated Madonna, right? Maybe he could introduce her to Vladimir Putin!!! It might not distract VLAD enough to stop the war in Ukraine… but maybe it would distract MADONNA enough that she’d stop posting naked photos of herself on the internet!!! (Please!!!)

*****

THIS JUST IN… New research out of Great Britain found that working from home during the Pandemic has led to a major rise in addiction to porn — with the number of people saying they watch UP TO 14 HOURS OF PORN A DAY DOUBLING since 2019.

- And to think I feel guilty when I wasted an hour playing Wordle.

- And the amount of time goes WAY UP if you factor in Jeffrey Toobin.

*****

What do you do the day after you’ve been accused of inappropriately touching three women during a meet-and-greet at a horror movie convention? Well if you’re 78 year old actor Gary Busey, you go to a park in California, pull down your pants… and then smoke a cigar.

- Hey… at least he wasn’t working from home watching porn!

*****

A 42 year old woman is crediting her 7 year old cat Billy with saving her life after she suffered a heart attack while sleeping. She says she only woke up when the cat jumped on her chest and began meowing and realized she could barely breath and needed needed to get to the hospital. Both Mom and Cat are doing fine.

- That’s a great story! But I still don’t like cats.

*****

RIP… Virginia Patton Moss… who played George Bailey’s brother Harry’s wife Ruth Bailey, and was the final surviving adult cast member of Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life” has died. Moss appeared in several films, but spent most of her life living quietly in Ann Arbor with her husband and family. She was 97.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

As part of their “Zero Covid” Policy, China has begun testing not only fisherman as they return to shore… but also the fish they come back with… swabbing the mouths of the fish before they can go to market.

- Why don’t they put the swab up the fishes Nose like they do with us??

*****

We’ve heard that listening to music can help manage pain - well it turns out, getting to pick WHICH SONGS you listen to is essential to optimizing those pain-relieving benefits.

- I don’t know about DECREASING pain… but I know of two songs that can put me IN PAIN… “Loving You” by Minnie Ripperton, and “Midnight at the Oasis” by Maria Muldaur!!

*****

Variety Mag says the budget for the new “Joker” movie had to be doubled. Why?? Because it’s being turned into a Musical.

- Seriously?? I think “Riddler on the Roof” would stand a chance… but a musical “Joker” sounds pretty “Mediocre”.

- They remade the CLASSIC “West Side Story” and it tanked. What are the chances of a “Blockbuster” about two guys dancing around in capes solving crimes??

*****

According to new research, the modern person leaves behind an online trail of 9,828 photos, 10,811 social media posts, and 126 email addresses over their entire life.

- 126 email addresses?? I’ve got ONE and I haven’t checked it in two weeks because I can’t remember the password. (Unfortunately… I emailed it to myself).

*****

A monkey at a zoo in California found one of the Zookeepers cell phones and called 9-1-1.

- Actually that was his second call. The first was to a construction company to get some improvements done on the Monkey House. He just called “Tyler-APE 7100 for a Home Improvement Date”.

*****

A trucker was sentenced to four years in prison for smuggling more than $2.5-million-dollars of meth from the U.S. into Canada.

- Why didn’t he just drive it from Canada into the US?? We would have just let him go!!

*****

Citing “Customer Demand” Sonic Drive-Ins have brought back their “Pickle Juice Slush” - the fluorescent green beverage that combines the saltiness of a dill pickle with other sweet and tart juice flavors.

- Yum.

******

A new survey finds a record-high number of registered voters think life for the next generation of Americans will be worse than it is today.

- Exhibit A: The return of the Pickle Juice Slush.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

The Virginia Department of Education is reportedly considering eliminating the phrase “Father of Our Country” when describing George Washington.

- Why?? Is it because he had no children (True) or maybe he “identified” back then as the MOTHER of our Country?? Did someone find lipstick on one of George’s wooden teeth??

- What about “Non-Birthing Parent of Our Country”?? Wait a minute… George wore a powdered wig!! Maybe he was TRANS!

******

Former President Trump on the one-year anniversary of the Taliban’s takeover of Afghanistan is now calling the power grab "the most embarrassing, incompetent, and humiliating event in the history of the United States."

- Second, only to when Billy Carter was caught peeing on an airport runway back in the 70’s. Ah… the good old days.

*****

Liz Cheney lost her bid for re-election to the House of Representatives from Wyoming last night by a margin of over 30% but vowed to continue her fight to keep Donald Trump out of the Oval Office — hinting she may run for President herself.

- She’s already got a slogan: Make Hating Trump Great Again!

*****

A video has gone Viral of a Canadian Politician who accidentally swallowed a Bee in the middle of a live TV press briefing.

- He looked pretty uncomfortable... but it still not as bad as the stuff the Politicians make the rest of us swallow every day.

*****

Madonna celebrated her 64th Birthday yesterday by posting a video of herself French kissing two girlfriends in the backseat of a car.

- Hard to believe... but only one more year and Madonna will be eligible for MEDI-KINK Part B.

*****

Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla disclosed that he has tested positive for COVID-19… even after receiving four doses of his company’s vaccine.

- Think about that for a minute. That's like the owner of a Condom Company announcing that he's expecting his fourth "Ooops" baby.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

A father and son recently caught a rare, bright blue lobster while fishing off the southern coast of Maine... The odds of catching a blue lobster are 1 in 2 million, according to the University of Maine Lobster Institute.

- The father and son were shocked. And the butter looked drawn.

They say they have no plans to eat the rare crustacean, but will keep it in a tank at a local restaurant called “Becky’s Diner”.

- Well it isn’t going to the “Red Lobster” that’s for sure.

*****

Harry and Meghan are headed back to England later this month for some “Charity work” but a source close to the couple says they have “No plans” to spend time with Wiliam and Kate while they’re in town.

- Which should work out great since I’m pretty sure William and Kate have “No plans” to have them over.

*****

First Lady Jill Biden says she’s experiencing “mild cold-like symptoms” after testing postive for COVID this morning… with some worrying she may have exposed Hunter Biden’s wife to the virus when they went shopping together yesterday.

- I’m thinking COVID comes in pretty low on the list of dangerous viruses she’s been exposed to since she married Hunter.

*****

CBS is taking heat for a report that blamed “Climate Change - specifically warmer temperatures for making kids more inactive and more obese”… with critics saying it’s phones and computers - not hot weather that keeps kids from playing outside.

- Things sure have changed. In my day, we stayed outside playing until the street lights came on. Now, kids won’t go outside until the light on their charger card goes out and they have to go to the store to buy a new one.

*****

According to a recent poll, about 3 in 4 patients keep a “mental scorecard” of everything they like and dislike about their doctor’s office.

- Well there’s not much else to do when your stuck in the waiting room for three hours with nothing but a copy of People Magazine from 1997.

*****

Russian President Vladimir Putin sent a letter to North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un on Monday promising to expand cooperation between the two countries.

- Reportedly Lil Kim was nervous to open it… as he was afraid Putin was upset with him, and had sent him a “Dear Jong” letter. (Ba da BOOM! Literally!💥)

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

A new found that eating a BOWL OF GRAPES a day can potentially add 5 years to your life and can “undo” the damage of eating junk food.

- After looking at that picture, I’m hungry for a Peanut Butter and Grape Sandwich! The article didn’t say what KIND of Grapes… but I think I’ll go with Seedless. That way, I won’t have to spit out a seed after every bite.

- It will also cut down on confusion since I plan on using Chunky Peanut Butter!

*****

Nancy Pelosi said Republicans who opposed the Inflation Reduction Act voted against "Mother Earth”… adding, “Mother Earth gets angry from time to time, and this will help us address all of that”.

- Well you know what they say… “If Mother Earth ain’t happy… ain’t NOBODY happy”.

*****

Hundreds of shoppers at an IKEA store in Shanghai, China rushed for the exits to get out before the store went into an emergency lockdown after a case of COVID was reported.

- Maybe they won't even notice that they’re locked in… I went to IKEA once and couldn’t find the exit for three days.

*****

The WHO (World Health Organization) says they are still trying to come up with a new name for “Monkeypox” that will “Not cause offense to any cultural, social, national, regional, professional, ethnic group… or monkey”.

- This is getting out of hand. Even Curious George is wondering what the big deal is.

*****

Elizabeth Warren said the other day that people come up to her all the time and say “they’d vote for me for President if only I had……….. a Penis”. (True story)

- Just when I thought she was trying to move past that whole “Totem Pole” thing.

- Seriously though, How do we know if she does or doesn’t??

*****

Longtime CNN Legal Analyst Jeffrey Toobin announced that he’s leaving the network.

- Well… we know it’s NOT for the same reason Elizabeth Warren hasn’t become President.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

A man fishing for lobster survived a harrowing ordeal last week when he was swallowed by a Whale and spent 45 seconds in the creatures mouth before being spit back into the sea.

- (Pic courtesy of yours truly on my recent trip to Alaska as the Whale was making it’s get away before the cops arrived. They eventually took the suspect, identified as a “Mr. M. Dick” into custody.

*****

Scientists are tracking a new animal-born virus in eastern China that has infected at least several dozen people. The novel Langya Henipavirus (LayV) was found in 35 patients in the Shandong province and researchers say it appears to have “Originated in Shrews”.

- As a result, Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg will be put in Isolation until the danger has passed.

*****

A new study suggests that spiders actually sleep just like humans.

- And when they have trouble sleeping, they do what we do… they stay up surfing the web.

*****

Tuesday, The Fargo, North Dakota Board of Education voted to stop reciting the Pledge of Allegiance before board meetings saying it ”doesn’t ring true” for all Americans and will open future meetings with something EVERYONE can relate to.

- So henceforth the meetings with start with, “You put your right foot in… you take you right foot out… you put your right foot in… and your shake it all about…”

*****

Baseball fans booed Dr. Fauci as he threw out the first pitch in a Seattle Mariners game Tuesday night.

- His pitch wasn’t that bad… but the fans got mad when he yelled at the catcher for only wearing one mask… and that it had holes in it.

*****

A new study reveals that switching out salt for another seasoning can add years to your life.

- That’s why I start each day with a pinch of Mrs. Dash. Of course Mr. Dash isn’t too thrilled about it… but hey.

*****

Nancy Pelosi says she brought her adult son “Paul Jr.” with her on her trip to Asia as her “Escort” after her husband Paul Sr. bowed out following his DUI charge.

- It’s a nice change. When Prez Biden’s son Hunter goes overseas… he goes to MEET Escorts… Nancy’s Son went overseas to BE one.

*****

An argument between a brother and sister let to a a massive brawl involving 20 family members during a funeral for an elderly woman in Virginia… that ended with damaged headstones, a flooded grave and the man in jail for trying to run over his sister with his car.

- Well you know what they say… Everybody grieves in their own way.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

The FBI conducted a pre-dawn raid on Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate as part of an investigation into whether he took classified records from the White House to his Florida house.

- This reminds me of the time the FBI did the EXACT SAME THING TO ME when I was late in returning to my local library a copy of “Disc Jockeying for Dummies”.

*****

Trump's Secret Service agents were not allowed to watch the FBI agents carry out the raid - which took 9 hours - and even included agents rifling through Melania's wardrobe.

- Did they really think they’d find Donald’s paper’s there?? I don’t think Melania’s let Donald into her Drawers in a long time.

*****

Hillary Clinton is fundraising off the Trump raid… selling baseball caps on her website that read: “But her emails” which critics say is a “cheap shot”.

- When asked if he thought it was a cheap shot, Bill said, “I guess that depends on what your definition of ‘Is’ is”

*****

Researchers in London have released a list of the “10 Best Songs to Play in the Car if Your Dog Gets Stressed Out on Road Trips”… including “Desperado” by the Eagles” and “I Want to Know What Love Is” by Foreigner”. But the #1 Song to play to relax Rover is… “How Deep is Your Love” by The Bee Gees.

- What... No "Puppy Love" by Paul Anka??

- They found that playing “The Bitch is Back” by Elton John tends to upset dogs… especially the girl ones.

*****

Democrats claim that the 87,000 NEW IRS AGENTS they’re planning to hire with funds from the recently passed “Inflation Reduction Act” WON’T lead to more Audits of everyday Americans... but will instead mean more agents will be available to answer your questions.

- Questions like: Why am I being Audited??

*****

A new study reveals that just three grams of fresh salmon can significantly reduce high blood pressure.

- Not for the Salmon.

*****

RIP… Olivia Newton John… who co-starred with John Travolta in the movie “Grease” and the singer of many hits including, “You’re the One That I Want”, “Have You Never Been Mellow”, “Summer Nights”, “I Honestly Love You”, and “Hopelessly Devoted to You” has died at the age of 73 after a 30 year battle with Breast Cancer.

Also, RIP… author David McCullough who died at age 89.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

A 75-year-old nudist was arrested in Lyon, France over the weekend for allegedly attacking a 46-year-old man on a nudist beach. Reason: He broke “Breaking Nudist Beach Protocol”.

- There’s “Nudist Beach Protocol”?? (Asking for a friend…)

*****

A shoplifter WEARING AN ANKLE MONITOR was caught on a security camera filling a bag with bottles of liquor at a Target store in Chicago while staff stood by and did nothing.

- Wait… They sell booze at Target?

*****

Velveeta is now selling a Velveeta Mac and Cheese Martini.

- Yum.

- But there’s a catch… It’s cost 5 bucks and you have to pay for it in Kraft American Singles.

*****

The Wall Street Journal reports that more and more people are taking yoga classes that involve smoking pot.

- I've seen the poses they make you do in Yoga... and frankly, I'd have to smoke more joints than Willie Nelson to get my joints to bend like that.

*****

A Florida woman was arrested after she was spotted wandering the parking lot of a supermarket highly intoxicated with a pitchfork in one hand and a black whip in the other.

- Is it just me or does that sound like the opening scene of a Lifetime movie??

*****

Charles Manson's self-proclaimed grandson has produced a birth certificate 'proving' he's the sole heir to Manson’s estate meaning he could inherit his Grandfather’s possissions which could be worth $$$.

- I mean sure… it’s not the same as going fishing or killing people with Grandpa… but it’s something.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

It’s National "Take Your Pants For a Walk Day"... TIP: Remember to PUT THEM ON FIRST.

*****

President Biden tested negative for COVID this morning and says he’s now “Back to his normal routine”.

This is good news… right??

*****

“Leave It to Beaver” star Tony Dow’s death was prematurely announced on Tuesday after his wife mistakenly notified the actor’s management team that he had died.

- When the poor guy's time finally does come, I hope they go with an Open Casket... just to be sure.

*****

Researchers at the University of Texas have reportedly developed a mattress that can trick you into falling asleep.

- It comes in King, Queen, Twin and the special “Bill Cosby” model.

*****

Over half of Americans say they feel “Scared and in imminent danger” at least once a day.

- I know I do every time I mistakenly turn on “The View”.

*****

A California ice cream shop owner says he’s “not surprised” after thieves ravaged his business and stole an ATM.

- He’s not surprised because it's part of California's "Soft-Serve on Crime Policy".

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Happy Birthday to Mick Jagger who is 79 today!

- Mick said he’s “feeling great” but was a little upset when his cardiologist suggested he might want to take “Time Is On My Side” out of his Concert play list.

*****

Taiwan held widespread air raid drills on Monday as China doubled down on warnings to the U.S. against allowing House Speaker Nancy Pelosi to visit the island.

- But experts say if anyone gets bombed when the Pelosi's visit Taiwan... Chances are it's gonna be Nancy's husband Paul.

*****

A survey of 2,000 U.S. adults finds that more than half love food so much they would marry their favorite food if it was a person.

- If that was true, I'd be married to either a Cheeto or a Dark Chocolate Raisinette.

*****

Elizabeth Warren is demanding that federal regulators do something to hold Airlines accountable for surging ticket prices, mounting cancellations and growing delays at the nations airports.

- Liz is really beatin’ the old war drum on this one, isn’t she?

*****

Developers are trying to install casinos throughout New York City.

- Of course that's in addition to the largest "Game of Chance" already IN NYC: The Subway System.

*****

Martha Stewart's pet Peacock was eaten by Coyotes at her Connecticut home.

- On a bright note... she had the Coyote put down and made it into a charming (and colorful!) Refrigerator Magnets!

*****

RIP… Paul Sorvino… The father of Mira Sorvino and the actor who starred in the TV series “Law & Order” and the Movies “Nixon”, “Dick Tracy” and “Goodfellas”, has died of natural causes at the age of 83.

****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Alec Baldwin… who is expecting his 7th Child with his wife Hilaria (and his 8th total) says he has “so many kids” because being a parent is “The Ultimate Journey”.

- Well, that… and - like with guns - Alec has a hard time distinguishing between “blanks” and “live ammo”.

*****

Amazon is getting into the Medical Business…. On Thursday, the company is expected to announce a $3.9 BILLION deal that will give them a “Physical network” of medical offices and doctors.

- This will be great! All those Amazon Prime trucks you see in your neighborhood can deliver your toilet paper and give you a colonoscopy at the same time!!

*****

Prince Harry is reported to have completed his autobiography and it’s expected to be out just in time for the Holidays.

- So if your looking for the perfect Christmas Gift for the Queen….. KEEP LOOKING!

*****

Despite reports that Elon Musk had an affair with Google co-founder Sergey Brin’s wife last December, Elon posted a pic of he and Sergey partying together LAST NIGHT to prove that it’s not true and that they’re still good friends. Elon added that he "Hasn't even had sex in ages (sigh)".

- Then he jumped in his Rocket Ship and left town.

*****

A survey found that over 85% of Americans experienced temperatures ABOVE 90 degrees this week.

- Luckily, here in Michigan we have an antidote for this kind of extreme weather… its called WINTER.

*****

A study by Oxford University revealed that chewing gum can sharpen your mental state.

- They say the conclusion was the result of a Double-Blind, Double-Bubble Study.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Tom Cruise is now Hollywood's highest paid actor making more than $100M for Top Gun: Maverick. Will Smith came in 2nd with $35 MIL for his upcoming film “Emancipation”.

- Well that’s a real slap in the face to all the other hard working actors.

*****

Disney says that in order to be “more inclusive”… "Fairy Godmothers in Training" will now be called “Fairy Godmother’s Apprentices” instead. “This way cast members who might not identify as female can still dress up as a female Disney character."

- As they say at Disney these days… “If it looks like a Duck, and it walks like a Duck… it’s probably a Guy in a Dress”.

*****

A new study finds that 4 out of 10 British adults brush their teeth just once a week.

- No wonder the Royal Family waves all the time. Nobody wants to go in close enough for a hug.

*****

A Giraffe in a National Park in Nairobi, Kenya has given birth to twins… a rarity in the Giraffe community.

- Even more rare… the twins were almost born AT THE SAME TIME… with the doctor saying they were “Neck and Neck” right up until the last minute when one of them pulled ahead.

*****

New York Governor Kathy Hochul is ordering state agencies to beef up monitoring of sharks following a series of “Jaws”-like attacks off Long Island.

- Why don’t they just send “Social Workers” to talk to the sharks?? I thought that was how “Woke” people like to handle “violent offenders” these days.

*****

The U.S. House of Representatives agreed to pay $96,000 of taxpayer money to provide its staff access to the meditation app “Calm”… citing the trauma of the January 6th assault on the U.S. Capitol.

- How about they pay for TAXPAYERS to get the app for the trauma of paying $5 bucks for a gallon of gas??

*****

A new report claims Rapper Lil Uzi Vert has changed his pronouns to "They" and "Them."

- Well good for They!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Pics of a rather pasty, shirtless Elon Musk vacationing on board a yacht in Mykonos, Greece have gone viral.

- The RICHEST man in the world also looks to be the WHITEST man in the world… He looks like the Poster Boy for what some people refer to as “WHITE Privilege”.

*****

A heatwave continues to sweep across much of Europe… affecting millions of homes and businesses most of which have no AC.

- For a minute I thought that read No “AOC” and I thought… “Lucky Europe!”

*****

Temps soared over 100 degrees in England yesterday causing an Airport Runway to buckle.

- Experts say they haven’t seen a Runway give way like that since Micheal Moore modeled for “Harry’s Big and Tall” Spring Fashion Show.

*****

Brad Pitt raised eyebrows at the premiere of his new action movie “Bullet” in Berlin, Germany when he showed up wearing a brown SKIRT and matching jacket.

- I guess Brad finally figured out what WE already knew… Angelina definitely wore the pants in that family.

*****

Kamala Harris' speech writer has resigned after just four months on the job.

- Wait… Kamala has a SPEECH WRITER???

- Talk about a Tiny pair of shoes to fill!

*****

The band Limp Bizkit has cancelled its European tour over the lead singer's “personal health issues”.

- They didn’t mention what those “personal health issues” were… but with the name “Limp Bizkit”… there are a few things that come to mind.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Big night last night! Went to see Elton John at Comerica Park… What a concert! Elton was in great voice and the band was incredible - although I’ll admit I did miss the Duck Suit Elton wore the first time I saw him at Olympia Stadium back in the early 70’s when my wife Gail and I took our two oldest daughters, Jennifer and Jackie who were 9 and 7 at the time to the show. (Then again, I think I wore a leisure suit to that concert which made me look more bizarre than the Duck onstage singing and playing the piano).

Last night, we had great seats courtesy of daughter #4 JoAnne who got them for us through her radio station 104.3 WOMC (Boy that rings a bell) where she does the morning show with JJ Johnson every morning from 6 to 11.

The show kicked off with “Benny & The Jett’s and included a ton of hits including one of my all time favorites, “Don’t Let the Son Go Down On Me”. The reason that song resonates with me is that I used to sign off with it at the end of my Salvation Army Radiothon every year.

It always reminds me of the late, great Gene Taylor and Doc Andrews and I thought of both of them last night as I listened to Elton sing it. But… in the interest of full disclosure… I’ll admit I listened in the walkway… as my wife Donna (Gail died in 2018 and I remarried 2 years ago) and I were trying to make it to the car in time to beat the traffic!!

And we did!! We got home by 11pm. So imagine my “delight” when the SMOKE DETECTOR WENT OFF at 1AM… FOR OVER AN HOUR.

There was no smoke… no fire that we could see… but we called the Firefighters, they came, checked everything out and determined that we had a bad battery in one of the detectors that was making them ALL go off.

Being the “Mr. Fix It” kind of guy that I am, I thanked them… put the faulty detector out on the front porch so if it set the other detectors off again WE WOULDN’T HEAR IT… and went back to sleep about 3am.

All in all… (except for the smoke detector part) it was a great night!

And hopefully, this afternoon… I’ll take a great nap!

And speaking of great… Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow!

-Dick

Rumor has it Hugh Grant has signed on to play Prince Andrew in a new film about the disgraced Royal.

- Remember when Hugh was caught by the LAPD with that Hooker “Divine Brown” back in the 90’s… maybe he was just “doing research” for the role??

*****

Harry and Meghan are in NYC today for a UN tribute to Nelson Mandela where Harry will speak to the delegates on Climate Change and Poverty.

- I don’t know what he knows about Nelson Mandela and Climate Change… but I’m pretty sure you could find someone a little better acquainted with Poverty, than Harry.

*****

A 27 year old Transgender female inmate is being moved to the Men’s prison after SHE IMPREGNATED TWO OF HER FELLOW FEMALE INMATES AT THE WOMEN’S JAIL.

- Before her transfer to the Men’s prison, she won the “Multitasker of the Year” award.

*****

They did it! J Lo and Ben finally tied the knot in a surprise wedding at the famed Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas over the weekend! It’s the 2nd marriage for Ben… and the 4th for J-Lo.

- I guess it’s true what they say!… The Sixth time’s the charm.

- They must have been SOOOO nervous for the wedding night!

*****

"90 Day Fiancé" star Larissa Lima claims a botched tummy tuck procedure left her without a belly button.

- She says she plans to join the military where she can, “Pick up a new Belly Button at one of the Naval Bases”. (Ba da Boom!)

*****

The University of Pennsylvania has come under fire after they nominated Transgender College Swimmer Lia Thomas… who was BORN MALE AND COMPETED IN THE MEN’S DIVISION LAST YEAR… for this year’s NCAA “Woman OF the Year” award.

- Call me crazy… but isn’t Lia more suited for the “BEEN a WOMAN FOR a YEAR” Award???

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Twitter went down this morning leaving people unable to Tweet, retweet or read other peoples Tweets more more than a half hour.

- It’s true… For an excruciating 40 MINUTES America had to wait for Harry & Meghan to weigh in on President Biden’s trip to the Middle East.

*****

BIG NEWS!!!! Images of a new group of Emojis that will be available later this year- including a pink heart, a jellyfish and a shaking face - have been released by the “Emoji Reference Website” Emojipedia.

- I thought “Emojipedia” was one of those new medicines you see advertised on TV. You know, the ones that make cause your tongue to swell but will have you dancing while you mow your front lawn.

*****

VP Harris dished up another serving of “Word Salad” during a speech about Jobs & Transportation this week saying, “'You need to get to go and need to be able to get where you need to go to do the work and go home”.

- Can you imagine if she was ever cast as Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz? She’ be like, “There’s no place like home… because home, being a place… the place where our home is… is the place where we most feel at home”.

*****

Kim Kardashian’s sister Khloe made comments on Social Media implying that Kim’s boyfriend Pete Davidson may have a “Foot Fetish”.

- I’m not a Rhodes Scholar like the Kardashian girls, but my money is on Pete being more of a Butt guy.

*****

A new study found that Viruses like COVID can survive on meat and fish stored in your freezer for up to 30 days… and then infect you even after you cook it.

- Great. Now they’re gonna tell us we have to start putting Masks on all our frozen meat.

- Can we Vaccinate our hamburgers instead??

*****

According to researchers from the University of Sydney, exercise alone won’t compensate for a diet filled with fatty foods.

- The way I look at it you have two choices: Give up fast food… or give up reading depressing studies.

*****

Botched robberies led to shots being fired at six different 7-Eleven stores in California during one day last week.

- But the good news is… Alec Baldwin wasn’t involved in ANY of them. (As far as we know…)

*****

A trailer filled with 40,000 pounds of potato chips caught on fire in Florida.

- Firefighters said the chips started out as “Sour Cream ‘n Onion” but ended up as “BBQ”.

*****

Now the Church of England is going “Woke” by refusing to offer up a definition of a “woman,” arguing that RECENT DEVELOPMENTS required “additional care” when attempting to define the word.

- Where’s Helen Reddy with her “I Am Woman” song when we need her?? Unfortunately she passed away back in 2020.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Time Mag has named Detroit as one of the World’s 50 Greatest Destinations of 2022… saying “The story of Detroit’s resilient people…rich heritage of design, innovation and diversity” ensured it made the list.

- There was an * though… “Detroit: One of the World’s 50 Greatest Destinations… Unless You Want to See the Home Team Win At Ford Field”.

*****

A Hispanic journalist group issued a statement calling out First Lady Jill Biden after she said Latinos were as unique as “Breakfast Tacos”.

- With that gaffe, when if comes to public speaking it appears “Dr. Jill” is Nacho average First Lady.

*****

New numbers out this morning show Inflation rose 9.1 percent in June - the highest it’s been in 40 Years.

- It may be time for Joe to start handing out “Make Inflation Great Again!” Baseball Caps.

*****

Hollywood heartthrob Bradley Cooper is reportedly dating Hillary Clinton’s former assistant/Anthony Weiner’s soon to be ex-wife Huma Abedin.

- Wow. She’s gone from “Carlos Danger” to Bradley Cooper. That’s like trading in a used Pinto for a Mercedes Convertible.

*****

TV viewers in NYC have been treated to a new 90 second TV ad instructing them what to do in the event of a nuclear attack.

- Some found it “Terrifying”… but on a bright note - it’s sad but true - that if you live in New York City chances are a criminal is gonna take you out long before a Nuke does!

*****

Medical researchers say we’re getting closer to the day when it will be commonplace for humans to get organ transplants from Pigs.

- More info as it becomes available… but for now, Th… Th…Th…That’s All Folks!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Thank you all so much for the kind Birthday wishes and comments yesterday! I had a great day celebrating with the family. I didn’t make it to 7-Eleven for my free Slurpee but I did make it to Chick fil A for a couple of of Grilled Chicken Sandwiches. They were delicious… but by the time I got through the line, I thought I was ANOTHER year older!

*****

It’s National Cow Appreciation Day! And if I know Cows… they’re gonna Milk this for all it’s worth.

*****

After Donald Trump publicly criticized Elon Musk for pulling out of the Twitter deal - calling him a “Bull**** artist”, Musk tweeted that he thinks its time for Trump to “Hang up his hat and sail into the Sunset”.

- Personally I think it’s time for all of US to Hang onto OUR hats… because this is about to get FUN!!

*****

A conservative nonprofit estimated that California has spent over $500 million on diversity, equity, and inclusion initiatives, including spending nearly $50,000 on "Racial Equity" trainings for the state Fish and Wildlife Department.

- Well it’s about time they came to grips with “Whitefish Privilege”!

*****

A Brazilian influencer had to be wheeled through a Portuguese airport after she experienced “horrible pain” and was unable to walk because she was afraid to “break wind” in front of her boyfriend whom she was traveling with.

- Wasn’t it Bob Dylan who asked, “How many Airports… Must a Girl be Wheeled, Thru? Before She Can Be Honest With Her Man? The Answer My Friend… Is Blowin’ in the Wind. The Answer is Blowin’ in the Wind”.

*****

Police in a small town in Maine tracked down a Sheep who had escaped from a local farm, coaxed it into the backseat of their cruiser and gave it a ride home.

- All told, the Sheep was only on the Lam for about an hour. (Ba da Boom)

*****

The World Health Organization (WHO) is updating their guidance to “Recognize gender and sexual diversity” by saying “Sex is NOT LIMITED to being Male or Female”.

- Really?? It’s AMAZING!! Everyday we’re learning something new!!!

*****

This summer England celebrated the 50th Anniversary of its Lawn Mower Racing Championships.

- It’s just like Formula One Racing, except instead of wearing a fireproof suit and a helmet, all the drivers wear black socks, sandals, Bermuda shorts, and a “World’s Best Dad” T-Shirt.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Hi! Jackie here! It’s 7/11 and that can only mean two things: Free Slurpees at 7-Eleven and more importantly… It’s MY DAD’S BIRTHDAY!!!!

On behalf of my sisters and myself… I want to wish Happy Birthday to the kindest, sweetest, funniest, most generous, loving and supportive man EVER!!! We are so blessed to have you as our Dad!!! Despite the fact that you’ve always said, “It took Mom 54 months to have you… and my part only took 6 minutes!!”… you will never know how much you mean to us and the incredibly positive impact you have on our lives each and everyday!!!

Thank you for being the best Dad… and the best friend… your daughters could ever ask for!!!!

We love you to the Moon and back!!! (Which is A TON considering the price of gas these days!!!!)

Have the best Birthday ever and we’ll see you later!!!

Love,

Your Girls.

(Jennifer, Jackie, Jill, JoAnne, Jessica & Julie (😇 from above!)