What a year it’s been so far! So many losses… Yesterday alone we lost two.

RIP… Bobby Hull… the “Golden Jet”… of the Chicago Black Hawks who died yesterday at age 84. He was one of of The Greats… flying down the left wing of the ice, firing off a rocket-like Slapshot that thrilled fans and scared the skates off every goalie in the league.

It reminds me of the time Gordie Howe called and asked me to drive downtown with him to Cobo Hall to receive an Award. (Gordie and I were friends… plus we played together on my Charity Hockey Team - the “Purtan No-Stars” - of which I was the Founder, General Manager, Coach, & Goalie! And Gordie was… well… The Star!!! )

Afterwards, on the way back to Gordie’s house, I mentioned that on that very day I’d heard an interview Bobby Hull gave to the Press in which he announced that he was such a fan of Gordie’s… that if he ever came close to breaking Gordie’s all-time NHL Goal Scoring Record - he wouldn’t do it.

Gordie looked at me and said, “Bobby said that?? “Really?”

And I said, “That’s what I heard him say”.

And Gordie mouthed, “Wow”.

Yesterday, when I heard the sad news of Bobby’s passing, I looked up their goal scoring records in the NHL. Gordie had 801. Bobbie ended up with 610. So….. Bobby was true to his word.

Rest well Bobby… and our Hearts and Prayers to the Hull Family, including of course, Bobby’s son, former Red Wing Brett Hull.

And

RIP… Cindy Williams… who, along with Penny Marshall, starred in “Laverne & Shirley” has died at age 75 after a brief illness. You might also remember her from 1973’s “American Graffiti”. We had her on the show one morning when she was in town performing in a play… Nice lady! (Penny Marshall died in 2018) And In the words of Laverne & Shirley… "Schlemiel! Schlimazel! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!"

*****

Researchers say that the Greenland Shark postpones mating until it’s over 100 years old.

- Apparently it wants to be there for the Conception... but wants to skip the whole "Raising it" phase.

- My Dad made it close to 100. He died at age 96. I asked him one time… “Hey Dad… You still doin’ it??” He looked at me, winked… and didn’t say a word.

*****

A massive fire destroyed a large Egg Farm in Connecticut on Saturday… killing 100,000 chickens and injuring thousands more.

- If only the Chickens had chosen THAT moment to Cross the Road.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Super Bowl LVII is set: The Philadelphia Eagles will face the Kansas City Chiefs in Arizona on Sunday, February 12th!

*****

Gwyneth Paltrow admitted that she had to close the London location of her “Goop” store after the pricey boutique which featured items including a $60 candle shaped like a Woman's Butt, lost almost $2 MILLION last year.

- A Candle shaped like a woman’s butt? No wonder she lost $2 MIL in ASSets.

*****

King Charles has reportedly asked the Archbishop of Canterbury to broker a deal between his two warring sons so Prince Harry can attend his Coronation.

- Sounds more like a job for Dr. Phil. That’s who we use in my family… but only when Jerry Springer's not available.

*****

State Farm and Progressive Insurance have confirmed that they plan to DROP COVERAGE of certain Kia and Hyundai models made between 2015 and 2019 due to an increase in thefts of up to 300% due to “Car Theft Challenges” posted on Social Media.

- Meanwhile... How about we start a movement to get Liberty Insurance to change their theme song??? I mean c'mon!!!! LIBERTY... LIBERTY... LIBERTY.……… LIBERTY... That's all they could come up with???

*****

A new study found that dogs have “Special ways” to communicate with humans that animals such as pigs don’t have.

- Well good for dogs! But PIGS can FLY!!!!!!!!!!!!

*****

On this day in 1873 “Around the World in 80 Days,” by Jules Verne was published.

The book told the story of what was supposed to be an hour long flight from Detroit to Chicago... that ended up taking 2 1/2 months because the characters in the book took Southwest.

*****

RIP... Barrett Strong… singer and songwriter who wrote classic hits for the Temptations, Marvin Gaye, Edwin Starr and others Motown Greats has died. He was 81.

RIP... Annie Wersching, best known for TV shows including "Timeless", "24" and "Bosch", has died following a nearly three-year battle with cancer. She was 45.

RIP... Lisa Loring, who as a 6 year old became the first actress to play Wednesday Addams in the original “The Addams Family” sitcom, has died at the age of 64.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

In a new book, Robert Redford claims that he wore two pair of “tight underpants to protect himself” from Barbra Streisand during the sex scenes in the 1972 movie “The Way We Were” because she was “Infatuated” with him. He says Barbra wore a Bikini.

- Can it be that things were all so simple then? Or has time rewritten every line? If they had the chance to do it all again... Tell me, Would they? Could they?

*****

Arnold Schwarzenegger has signed a deal to write a new “Motivational” book.

- The working title is: “Work Hard: The Ultimate Guide to Having It MAID In The Shade!!!”

*****

The ladies of the View are known for erupting over a lot of topics... but Wednesday... they were left mostly speechless when it appeared that one of the co-hosts broke wind live-on the air while during a discussion of Secret Classified Documents.

- To be honest, it was the least offensive sound to come out of that show in a long, long time.

*****

A time out was called with 16:30 left in the second half of the Loyola Chicago-Duquesne college basketball game Wednesday night, when an Uber Eats delivery man WANDERED ONTO THE COURT with a bag full of McDonald’s burgers and a drink… looking for the guy who ordered it.

- The Refs ordered him to leave but not before they ended up with, Two All Beef Patties, Special Sauce, Lettuce, Cheese, Pickles, Onions, and a Sesame Seed Bun all over the Basketball Court… not to mention all the Ketchup after he tried to Dunk a few Fries while he was looking for his customer.

*****

Google… who last week announced the lay off of 12,000 employees world wide, admitted that number includes 27 “In-House” massage therapists who will no longer be available for on-demand massages in Google’s California offices.

- Oh this is really gonna rub people the wrong way… (A little massage humor there… Very little!)

*****

Researchers say a Diet high in Fat and Junk Food actually “Rewires” the brain… and can reduce ability to regulate appetite and calorie consumption in as little as 10 days.

- Which is why I eat Potato Chips and Raisinettes for 9 days in a Row… have a Salad and a Piece of Salmon on Day 10… and then Start all over again!

*****

According to a new study, 58% of people agree that Bugs could become a legitimate meat alternative in the future.

- Is there anyway we could skip over eating the ACTUAL INSECTS and go right to the “PLANT-BASED” Bugs part??

*****

Sunday, Sheriff’s deputies in Albuquerque, NM arrested a man for running through the streets naked before jumping onto a crowded patio dining area.

- He was arrested for “Indecent Exposure"... but applauded by the restaurant staff for "leaving a nice tip".

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

As of January 15th, is is now illegal to Smoke outdoors in Mexico - and lighting up in public squares, parks, sports stadiums and on beaches will now get you a ticket and a fine of up to $500.

- But on. a bright note, if you want to walk into the US with a backpack full of Fentanyl… you’re good to go!

*****

THIS JUST IN… The Hollywood Reporter has confirmed that Universal has cancelled production of it’s Movie based on Madonna’s decades-long music career. No reason has been given for the project being axed.

- Call me a conspiracy theorist… but I’m betting’ the FBI may be searching Madonna’s “Drawers” for Secret Classified Documents.

*****

As Egg prices continue to skyrocket, Egg smuggling cases have doubled at the US-Mexico border in the last month alone.

- Border Agents are Scrambling to get a handle on the situation.

*****

The Food and Drug Administration on Monday proposed treating COVID-19 vaccines like the annual flu shot.

- I didn’t see that one coming’… (Yeah, right!)

*****

Ghislaine Maxwell insisted in her first jail-house interview that, as a Vegan, the food she if offered to eat in Prison is “Tasteless”.

- Well, if anyone knows about “Tasteless”… it’s the woman who was in charge of filling Jeffrey Epstein’s Dance Card.

*****

The Prime Minister of Sweden is facing Political backlash after it was discovered that one of his top aides went Eel fishing - which is illegal in Sweden… and then lied to Police about it.

- The aide could not only face Prison time, but being Sweden… would face the added humiliation of having to put his own Jail Cell together using a kit from IKEA.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

We don’t even know who’s playing yet… but the average cost of a ticket to the Super Bowl is already $5,911 and the cheapest seat will set you back $4,489.

- But after his divorce from Gisele Bundchen, I think we can all agree - Tom Brady paid the most in an attempt to make it to the Super Bowl this year… and it turns out he’s not even going!!!

*****

Hollywood has largely come out in support of Alec Baldwin (BIG SURPRISE!) saying he shouldn’t be facing Involuntary Manslaughter charges in the accidental shooting death of the cinematographer on his movie set.

- Here’s an idea… At the Academy Awards, why don’t they just have Will Smith slap Alec, give ‘em both an Oscar and call it a day??

*****

Meanwhile, Alec’s wife Hilaria was ripped on Social Media for using a fake Spanish accent…AGAIN… when she asked photographers to give her family privacy after it was announced that Alec WILL FACE charges.

- The Baldwins seem confused… There lives would be so much easier if they used MORE fake BULLETS and FEWER fake ACCENTS.

*****

Police were called when a loose cow was spotted wandering outside an Olive Garden restaurant in OKLAHOMA.

- Turns out the Wind that Came Sweepin’ Down the Plain smelled like Veal Parmesan… and it turns out Cows LOVE Veal Parmesan! Who would have thunk it??

*****

A local police department in Rhode Island received a handwritten letter from a young girl asking them to run a DNA test on a partially eaten cookie she left out for Santa on Christmas Eve to prove that Santa is a “Real Person”.

- But the way the world is going, I’m afraid we’ll also find out that Santa is not only REAL, he’s also wanted at the North Pole for a series of robberies at the “Elegant Elves Small & Short Shoppe”.

*****

Doctors amputated the testicle of a young man who got clubbed in the groin by a police officer during a huge demonstration in Paris.

- Reminds me of that scene in Casablanca when Humphrey Bogart tells Ingrid Bergman… “The Germans wore Grey… And parts of that young man were Black & Blue”. (Or something like that…)

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

A new survey found that office workers are at their most productive at 10:22 a.m. each morning but start to slump by 1:27 in the afternoon.

- So basically… I spent 45 years signing off 22 minutes BEFORE I peaked. Wow. The show could have been so much better if only we’d stayed on a few minutes longer!

*****

Temperatures in the world's coldest city - Yakutsk in east Siberia - have plummeted to -58 degrees Fahrenheit.

- But it’s a Dry Cold.

*****

Jennifer Lopez say she suffered from PTSD before her wedding to Ben Affleck last summer - because she was nervous it would "fall apart" like their engagement did back in 2004.

- I'm sure the soldiers who made it back from Vietnam, the Gulf War, Afghanistan, etc... can REALLY identify Jennifer’s trauma!

*****

Fresh off the finalization of his divorce from Kim Kardashian, Kanye “Ye” West 45 has married 27 year old Bianca Censori. Kanye may love her… but Kim is said to “Hate” her ex-husband’s new wife. (True)

- Kim went so far as to say Bianca is "Butt-Ugly"... and coming from Kim... that's a PRETTY BIG insult.

*****

Five Florida men are headed to Prison for stealing over $1.3 million of perfume from a warehouse in New Jersey.

- They were each sentenced to Chanel No. 5 to 10.

*****

According to new research, Protein-Rich “Beetle Burgers” - Patties made out of crushed beetles - could soon be a staple food all around the world.

- Yummy!

- I can hear it now… “You want FLIES with that?”

*****

20 year old Climate activist Greta Thunberg was detained by police during an anti-coal mining protest in a small German Village last weekend… telling the crowd, “Germany is really embarrassing itself right now”.

- Oh Greta… it takes A LOT more than that to embarrass Germany…. Like, for example, starting that little thing known as “World War II”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

It’s “National Thesaurus Day”!!!… I wish I could think of a word to describe how excited I feel about that!!!

It’s also “National Peking Duck Day”… So if you see a Duck Peking in your window… tell him to put some pants on!

*****

The famous Von Trapp family from “The Sound of Music” is developing a dramatic TV series about their lives following the iconic movie. Producers say it WON’T be a musical.

- So the Network will be the only one getting any “Do-Re-Mi”.

- And since it’s a more modern version, instead of wearing Drapes, in the new TV Series, Maria makes the Von Trapp kids clothes out of Venetian Blinds.

- Plus… to appeal to today’s “Woke” audience, in the new Series, Captain Von Trapp identifies as a Woman and - in a moment of irony - leaves Maria and the kids - to join the Convent as Austria’s first Trans Nun.

*****

Speaking of Nuns…

The World’s oldest known living person- Sister Andre - a French Nun - died yesterday at the age of 118. No cause of death has been released.

- I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say………….. OLD AGE???

*****

A new study warns that eating just one portion of freshwater fish from US lakes and rivers — such as a Catfish or Trout — could expose people to a tremendous amount of harmful “Forever Chemicals”.

- Well this is just GREAT! First they tried to shove Plant-Based MEAT down our throats… Now they’re gonna be pushing, “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Catfish!”

*****

Madonna announced that she will play Little Caesars Arena on Saturday, August 5th as part of a 40th Anniversary North American and European Concert run called Madonna: The Celebration Tour.

- And like everything that touches Madonna, the news has already gone Viral.

*****

The Department of the Interior will replace the word "Squaw" in the names of Public Lands and Waterways because it's considered an "Offensive ethnic, racial and sexist slur, particularly for Indigenous women". The announcement was made by Interior Secretary, Deb Haaland.

- So we can't say "Squaw" (which means "Woman") But we can still refer to a woman as a "Secretary"??

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

A second batch of Classified Documents from President Biden’s time as V.P. has been found… this time in the garage of one of his homes “Next to my Corvette”.

- So Trump had “Mar a Lago”… And Biden’s got “Car-a-Lago”.

*****

Scientists from Indiana University report the average age that humans conceive children over the past 250,000 years is 26.9 years old… With the average man becoming a father at 30.7 year old… and women giving birth at 23.2 years.

- BOTTOM LINE: Even 250,000 years ago… Men went for a younger chick in the sexy loin cloth.

*****

Julia Roberts says she was “Shocked” to find out that her last name is really “Mitchell” after appearing on the Ancestry show “Finding Your Roots”. Turns out her Great, Great Grandmother Rhoda Suttle Roberts had an affair with a married man - Henry Mitchell - after her husband Willis Roberts died… and THAT man is Julia’s Great Great Grandfather.

- Well apparently Julia’s Great Great Grandmother was a “Pretty Woman”, too.

*****

According to new research, listening to music reduced stress during the pandemic.

- Unless, of course, you listened to “All By MYSELF” by Eric Carmen” or “Every BREATH You Take“ by the Police.

*****

Archaeologists in Germany have uncovered some of the earliest evidence of the use of clothing, with newly discovered cut marks on a bear paw suggesting the prehistoric animals were skinned for their fur some 300,000 years ago.

- This explains why they saw the “Dittrich’s Furs” sign over the entrance to the Cave.

*****

An English model whose had 16 breast implant procedures now says that she’s been left in “agony” with severe back pain after her latest operation.

- Well I’m glad she got THAT off her chest.

*****

Six journalists in South Sudan have been arrested for circulating video that appears to show President Salva Kiir wetting himself at an official event.

- He was giving a speech on “Trickle Down Economics” at the time.

*****

RIP… Jeff Beck… Jeff Beck, the rock guitarist who rose to fame when he replaced Eric Clapton in the Yardbirds and often regarded among the greatest guitarist of all time, has died at 78 after contracting Bacterial Meningitis.

and

RIP… Charles White… the legendary USC running back and winner of the 1979 Heisman Trophy died Wednesday at the age of 64. No cause of death has been released.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

It’s National “Learn Your Name in Morse Code Day”.

- So if your name is Dot… This is YOUR Day!!!

*****

According to his Publisher Prince Harry's memoir “Spare” sold 400,000 copies in it’s first day, making it the “fastest-selling Non-Fiction Book of all time”.

- … Or as the Royal Family calls it the “Fastest-selling FICTION Book of all-time”.

*****

Thousands of Flights across the US were grounded by the FAA this morning after a Computer Safety System went down for several hours.

- There were a few exceptions… Flights from Mexico were allowed to come in across the Southern Border… No Questions Asked.

*****

Yesterday, the newly sworn in House of Representatives voted 221 to 210 to rescind more than $70 billion in funding earmarked to hire 87,000 new IRS agents.

- YAY!!!!!!!!

*****

The University of Southern California's School of Social Work will no longer use the word "Field" because it "may have connotations for descendants of slavery and immigrant workers that are not benign," according to a letter from the department. From now on, they’ll use the word “Practicum” instead.

- Did someone complain or did that just come out of Left Practicum??

*****

A new study finds that less than 4% of men are accepted as sperm donors.

- But on a bright note… in this “Woke” World, 9 out of the top 10 Sperm Donors in the US will soon be… WOMEN!!!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-.. .. -.-. -.- (Dick)

The former First Lady of France, Carla Bruni is being called a “racist” by some after she posted an edited photo of Harry and Meghan on Social Media which replaced Meghan Markle with Yoko Ono.

- I’m not a big fan of Meghan… but c’mon! Her singing voice can’t be THAT bad!

*****

Yesterday, it was revealed that some Classified Documents from Joe Biden time as Obama’s VP were found in a locked drawer in a rarely used office at a Biden “Think Tank” in Washington, D.C.

- I don’t know what’s funnier… the Irony of the situation… or the idea that the “Think Tank” was described as “Rarely Used”.

*****

The US Government is reportedly considering a ban on GAS STOVES (used by about 40% of American homes for cooking)… claiming that they are a “source of indoor pollution” that - according to the US Consumer Product Safety Commission - may contribute to respiratory illnesses.

- Next Up… They’re gonna teach us how to cook bacon, eggs… and Toast… on the engine of our ELECTRIC CARS!!!!

- Hey… while the Prez is in Mexico, maybe he could work out a plan to eliminate Gas AFTER eating Burritos and Refried Beans??

*****

Two female best friends who describe themselves as “Platonic Life Partners” are living together after they were each Divorced from previous partners.

- Relationship Experts even have a fancy term for this kind of living arrangement: It’s called “Roommates”.

*****

One of the many revelations Prince Harry made in his autobiography “Spare” which hit bookstores today: He ended up with a Frost Bitten Penis (or “Todger” as he called it - must be a British thing) during a 200 Mile Charity Walk in the Arctic that left him in great pain during William and Kate’s 2011 Wedding.

- Did he not realize he needed to put on Fur lined underwear when his Wee Willie Winkie started to Wee Willie Shrinky???

*****

A recent study of U.S. adults over 50 found that those who owned a pet for more than five years scored better on cognitive memory tests than those living without “Interspecies Housemates”.

- “Interspecies Housemates”?? That sounds like a new Reality Show where the Kardashians move in with the cast of “Duck Dynasty”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

A new study finds that 68% of American singles would kiss on the first date. Additionally, 80% say they would be open to kissing on the second date, and 88% would kiss on the third date.

- And if you don’t get a kiss by then, you better KISS your chances goodbye!

*****

The Lions beat the Green Bay Packers Sunday in Green Bay 20 -16… That brings the overall record between the two teams’ 187 match-ups to Packers 105 Wins… Lions… 75 Wins (counting yesterday) and 7 ties.

Despite the win… the Lions were eliminated from the Playoffs because of the weird scheduling that occurred when Damar Hamlin suffered Cardiac Arrest during last weeks Bills/Bengals game. Seattle got the final Playoff spot by winning their game yesterday, before the Lions even played. (Confused?? So am I…!!!)

But… the Buffalo Bills did beat the NE Patriots 35 - 23… so yesterday was a good day overall for my two Hometown teams… Detroit & Buffalo!

*****

Prince Harry sat down for a bunch of conflicting TV interviews ahead of the release of his bombshell Memoir, “Spare”… telling 60 Minutes that his step mother, now Queen Consort Camilla was a “Villain” and “Dangerous” but just 12 hours later telling Good Morning America that he has “Great compassion for her”.

- Meghan immediately defended Harry’s flip flop saying, as a Woman, It’s HER perogative to change HIS mind.

*****

Alec Baldwin - father to 6 kids ages 9 to 1 with his current wife Hilaria is going to be a GRANDPA! Turns out his 27 year old daughter Ireland - who he shares with ex-wife Kim Bassinger - is expecting!

- Ireland isn’t married… but I’m bettin’ if Alec has anything to say about it… there’s a Shotgun Wedding in her future.

*****

M&M's has launched Woke “All-Female” packs of their famous candies to celebrate female empowerment... featuring the companies three female mascots: Green & Brown (who some claim are a “Lesbian Couple” - TRUE) along with the new “Plumper” Purple M&M which is supposed to represent “Body Positivity”.

- Wait a minute… If the Green and Brown M&M’s are Lesbians… Does that mean the Three Musketeers Candy Bar means more than I thought it did when they say, “All for One… And One for ALL???”

*****

Gisele Bündchen posed topless for a Louis Vuitton campaign - her official return to modeling following her divorce from Tom Brady.

- After Tampa Bay’s 30 -17 loss to Atlanta yesterday… looks like Tom lost on Two Fronts.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

UPDATE: Great news from the Buffalo Bills this morning… Doctors say that Damar Hamlin has made “Remarkable progress” in the last 24 hours, and that while he “remains critically ill” - he appears to be “NEUROLOGICALLY INTACT”!!! Fantastic news!!!

Also, NFL Network Insider Ian Rapoport said that Hamlin opened his eyes on Wednesday night, is responsive and has been gripping the hands of those close to him.

Meanwhile… I apologize for the erroneous report about the Bills/Bengals game being scheduled for this Sunday. That report on the news turned out to be incorrect. As of now… the NFL says they are still in discussions.

*****

On Tuesday’s episode of the PBS genealogical history show “Finding Your Roots”, Actor Ed Norton found out that the real-life Pocahontas is his 12th Great Grandmother.

- Well that explains the “World’s Greatest Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Great-Great Grandson” Peace Pipe he got for Christmas from Elizabeth Warren!

*****

The House of Representatives heads back for Day 3 of Voting in their as yet failed attempt to elect a Speaker of the House… with Republican favorite Kevin McCarthy coming up short in the first 6 votes.

- This is nuts! Elections in America usually go so smoothly!?!?!

*****

President Biden announced that he “Intends” to visit the Southern Border next week… His first trip since his inauguration almost two years ago.

- Why the rush??

*****

A guest essay in the NY Times insisted that being short is “better” for the future of the planet because shorter people eat less and use less resources than their taller counterparts… and even went so far as to say that people should “Consciously start seeking out shorter partners to mate with to produce a shorter society”.

- Well this certainly explains Snow White’s relationship with the Seven Dwarves…

*****

Frontier Airlines and an Animal Shelter announced that they will provide free flight vouchers to whoever adopts one of three kittens that are named “Frontier”, “Spirit” and “Delta”.

- The kittens were originally all called “Southwest”… but the names were changed when - just like Southwest’s planes - they weren’t goin’ anywhere.

*****

A town in the UK was forced to cancel its New Year’s Eve Harbor Fireworks display when a locally known WALRUS named “THOR” showed up and began “Pleasuring Himself” on the beach. Local officials were afraid the fireworks would “Startle” THOR and “interrupt him”.

- Couldn’t they have just POSTPONED the fireworks a minute or two?? Did they have to CANCEL ‘em??

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Update: Jordan Rooney, a representative for the Buffalo Bills and the Hamlin Family confirmed that Damar Hamlin remains sedated in Critical Condition at the University of Cincinnati Medical Center… but added that his vital signs are improving! Meanwhile the Bills confirmed that Players will return to practice today… as preparations begin for the game with the Bengals which has now been rescheduled for this coming Sunday.

*****

I really enjoyed reading all of your comments about yesterdays post… It was amazing to hear the stories of many of you who, like me, were there at Tiger Stadium in 1971 and witnessed when the Lions’ Wide Receiver Chuck Hughes collapsed and died right on the field.

Much like last night’s tragic event - which will hopefully have a better outcome for Damar Hamlin - it’s one we’ll never forget.

As of this writing, the game between the Bills and the Bengals has not yet been rescheduled.

*****

Now… for a look at some other things in the news!

The mother of Hunter Biden's love child requested an Arkansas court to change the last name of her 4-year-old daughter to “Biden” so she can enjoy the same “benefits of the name as the other Biden grandchildren”.

- Rumor has it her Pre-School Artwork is already BETTER than her Dad, Hunter’s!

*****

CNN’s Don Lemon is still being roasted on Social Media for MISSING the Countdown to Midnight during the network’s New Year’s Eve broadcast from New Orleans as he danced to the X-rated, expletive laced Rap song, “Back that Azz Up”.

- Yup. THIS… is CNN.

*****

A new poll has found that nearly half of the British public thinks Prince Harry should have his title removed following his and Meghan’s Netflix docu-series.

- The other half think the fact that Meghan had his “Family Jewels” removed was punishment enough.

*****

According to a recent study… 2 in 3 people give up on their New Year’s resolutions by January 31st.

- Seriously?? Why didn’t they give them up on January 2nd or 3rd like the rest of us??

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

I had planned to be back with a round up of what’s been going on since we took our little “Holiday Break”, but…

Like many of you, I was watching the Buffalo/Cincinnati Playoff game last night when Buffalo Safety Back Damar Hamlin collapsed on the field after tackling Bengals wide receiver Tee Higgins about halfway through the first quarter. Medics perfomed CPR for an astounding 9 minutes on the field as players from both teams knelt in a tight circle around Hamlin, joined in Prayer, as doctors worked and an ambulance was backed onto the field to transport him to the hospital as players, coaches, fans and broadcasters struggled for what to do… and say.

The game, obviously, was delayed… and eventually - rightly - postponed to an as yet undetermined date. At the time, Cincinnati was leading the Bills 7 -3.

As of this morning, Doctors say Damar had a Cardiac Arrest on the field… but is now sedated and is in critical condition at the University of Cincinnati Medical Centerl. 24 years old. A heart attack. Unbelievable.

Needless to say, our thoughts are Prayers are with Damar, his Family & the Bills.

I have to tell you… When Hamlin when down last night, I was immediately taken back to a Lions game my wife Gail and I went to back on Sunday, October 24 1971. The Lions were playing the Bears at Tiger Stadium.

Another young player… 28 year old Wide Receiver Chuck Hughes started to make his way back to the Lions huddle after a pass by QB Greg Landry intended for Receiver Charlie Sanders went Incomplete. I watched as Hughes who was walking back from the End Zone… arms at his sides… collapsed face first onto the grass - straight down from where we were sitting. The Bears Dick Butkus, who was nearby, went over to Hughes - clearly sensing something was very wrong - and began frantically waving at the Lions bench for help. Team doctors and medical personnel ran over to where Hughes was laying facedown on the field motionless, his arms at his sides. And through the Zoom on my binoculars - I could actually see his face turn bluish gray.

He was taken to the hospital… and the game continued. It wasn’t until later that we found out that Chuck Hughes was officially pronounced dead at Henry Ford Hospital.

But I think most of us in the stands that day… at least in my section… sensed that he was gone in that moment.. The first and only time an NFL player has died on the Field.

Prayers that it stays that way.

*****

The End of 2022 and the Beginning of 2023 have already brought major loses…

RIP… Pope Benedict XVI who died at 95.

RIP… Barbara Walters who died at 93.

RIP… Anita Pointer of the Pointer Sisters who has died at 74.

Have a good day… and we’ll be back tomorrow… hopefully with some better news!!!

-Dick

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and were able to spend time with the ones you love!

Jackie and I are going to take the week off to recharge our batteries (After a lot of pressure, we’ve decided to switch from Gas powered to Electric comedy in 2023) and will be back to take on the New Year with you next Monday, January 2!!!

Have a great week and we’ll see you soon!

-Dick & Jackie

From the entire Purtan Family to You and Yours… Merry Christmas!!!

May the Joy and Peace of the Season fill your Hearts & Your Homes…

- Dick & Jackie

Wishing you Safe Travels and Sending Warm Wishes for a Magical Christmas Eve!!!

See you back here tomorrow… Christmas Day!!!

-Dick & Jackie

A new study finds that an exercise “Advent calendar” - where you open a door each day leading up to Christmas to find a Holiday themed “Exercise” - could help get people off the sofa and shed a few pounds during the holidays.

- Personally, I go with a modified “12 Days of Christmas” Workout… I hire “Ten Lords a Leaping” and “7 Swans a Swimming” to go to the Heath Club for me.

- And then I have one of my “Four Calling Birds” dial my favorite Italian joint and order me a Pizza.

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Four runaway Cows in Quebec were caught in a Covert operation and returned to their thankful owner.

- What were four Cows doing running a Covert Operation?? Wouldn’t that be a Cow-Vert Operation??

- So basically the Cows were on the Lam…. You gotta admit she’s a good sport!

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Ladies and Gentlemen… According the the latest “guidance” from Stanford University, we’re not supposed to say “American” anymore… we’re supposed to say “U.S Citizen”.

- Which reminds… I’m not supposed to say “Ladies and Gentlemen” either… which I just did at the top of the story. My apologies.

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Nick Cannon admitted he feels “guilt” over not being able to spend enough time with all of his 11 kids which he’s had by 6 different women.

- WORD OF ADVICE FOR NICK: If you want to have more time for your kids… STOP spending so much time with their mothers!!!

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Dolly Parton says she wrote a brand new song and buried it in a Time Capsule at her Dollywood Resort. It won’t be opened until 2045 - 23 years from now - when Dolly will be 99.

- She said the song is, “So good peoples jaws will drop”.

- … Along with a couple of other things!

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The life expectancy for the average U.S. citizen has hit a 25 YEAR LOW, according to data from the CDC… with people born in the US during 2021 expected to live 76.4 years - the lowest average on record since 1996.

- Interesting information… So don’t say I didn’t get you anything for Christmas!!!

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Have a great day… Be safe in the Snowstorm… and I’ll see you back here Christmas Eve!!!

-Dick

Looks like we’re going to be more than “Dreaming of a White Christmas… Just Like the One We Used to Know!!!” The National Weather Service has issued a Winter Storm Watch for all of Southeast Michigan starting Thursday night and running all the way through Christmas Eve. We’ll see Rain, Freezing Rain, Falling Temps, 5 to 8 INCHES OF SNOW and Winds UP to 50 MPH.

- It’s gonna be Frosty and Slushy and Blustery… who by the way also happen to be the three of Santa’s Reindeer who got fired for not getting the COVID Shot.

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Last week, the U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers seized 3/4 of a MILLION DOLLARS worth of Viagra that smugglers were attempting to sneak into the country.

- Prosecutors are confidents the charges will hold up in Court.

- It’s too bad Viagra doesn’t work for Women… It would make a great Stocking Stuffer.

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An Australian homeowner got an unexpected festive surprise when he found a snake slithering under his family’s Christmas tree.

- He was even more surprised when the snake started singing, “We Three King Cobras of Orient Are”

- Wait… Am I still allowed to say “Orient”??

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According to a new poll, 61% of Americans say record inflation has impacted the types of presents they asked “Santa” for Christmas this year.

- For instance, in lieu of socks… this year a majority of Americans are asking for a new Government.

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A French hospital was partially evacuated Saturday after an 88 year old man arrived with a World War I artillery shell lodged…… where the sun don’t shine. The man went to the hospital to have the explosive removed — but instead sparked a “bomb scare”.

- All May Have Been Quiet On The Western Front… But Things are Still Out of Control At OUR (and HIS!!!) “Southern Border”!!!

- This isn’t the first time a German Weapon has snuck up on a Frenchmen from the Rear.

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25-year-old professional boxer Teofimo Lopez said in a recent interview that fighting is “better than intercourse.”

- I’ve heard of “Make-Up Sex”… after a fight... but I’ve never hear of “Make-Up Fighting” after sex.

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RIP… Franco Harris… the Hall of Fame Pittsburgh Steelers running back who was known for making a miraculous catch in the AFC Divisional Playoffs against the Oakland Raiders in 1972, has died at 72. His death comes just days before the Steelers were set to retire his No. 32 jersey and celebrate the 50th anniversary of his "Immaculate Reception".

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Marsi Parker Darwin of Waterloo, Michigan is seeking Guinness World Records recognition for her pet chicken, Peanut, who is believed to be the oldest Chicken in the world at the age of 20. The paperwork has been submitted… but no word from Guinness yet.

- Amazingly enough, she’s had that Chicken around for 20 YEARS and she still has NO IDEA why it crosses the road.

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O.J. Simpson has once again insisted he did not father Kim Kardashian’s sister Khloe and called rumors he had an affair with her mother Kris Jenner “Nowhere close to being true”.

- Well he’s always seemed like a man of his word…

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Residents of San Bernardino County, California approved a ballot measure directing officials to look into the possibility of separating from California to establish a new state.

- They don’t actually mind being part of the “State of California”… it’s the "State of Insanity” they’re trying to get away from.

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A 30 year old woman broke into Robert DeNiro’s Manhattan home and attempted to steal the presents under his Christmas tree. DeNiro called Police who arrested the woman who they believe is a “Serial Burglar” who has been targeting homes in the neighborhood.

- She may have asked Santa for a Pony for Christmas… but DeNiro’s gonna make sure she just gets the Horse’s Head.

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Prison inmates in Spain have produced thousands of clay figurines of World Leaders and Celebs relieving themselves… with their pants down.

- Isn’t that the way it’s normally done?

- So the Rain in Spain Stays Mainly on the Plain… And thanks to these felons, You can see Putin’s Pee Pee Go Wee Wee while he makes his Commie Bladder Gladder!!

- NOTE: If you're interested in buying the Kim Kardashian figurine... it cost twice as much since they have to use so much Clay.

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James Cameron revealed he has documented a “scientific study” that proves TWO PEOPLE COULD NOT HAVE SURVIVED ON THE FLOATING DOOR AT THE END OF THE MOVIE “Titanic.” He says we’ll see the proof in a TV special in February and that “Will be the end of it”.

- Or maybe it will be just the tip of the iceberg…

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick