IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS!!! (AND HANNUKAH!!!)

The US faces the coldest Christmas in YEARS as temperatures drop “Much below normal' as an Arctic Air Mass and Major Snowstorms are set to cause travel headaches and send much of the country into a polar freeze. We’re expecting a high of 15 here in Detroit on Christmas Day.

- %$^# Global Warming!

*****

The Lions continued their remarkable winning streak beating the NY Jets 20 -17 Sunday! Next Up: Saturday at 1pm when they face the Panthers in Carolina!

Yes Virginia… (So far…) There IS a Santa Claus!!!

*****

Argentina beat France 4 -2 in a dramatic OT win at the World Cup Final on Sunday in Qutar.

Bottom line: Ain’t NOBODY Cryin’ for Argentina!

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The movie “Avatar: Way of Water” packed in audiences and earned $435 million Globally over the weekend… but still needs to make another $2 BILLION to make back what it cost to make.

- I’m no mathematician, but the way I figure it, to break even they need to either sell 200 MILLION more tickets @ 10 bucks a piece… OR sell a couple Extra Large Buckets of Buttered Popcorn.

*****

The World’s Largest Indoor Aquarium - a 46 ft high, 246,000 gallon tank filled with 1500 exotic fish in the lobby of the Radisson hotel in Berlin, Germany suddenly burst on Friday morning, spilling water, fish and broken glass through the hotel lobby and out onto the street.

- The bad news… none of the fish survived. The good news? The Berlin Radisson is hosting an “Exotic Fish Fry” tonight… and it’s “All You Can Eat”!!!

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Great news!!!!! According to a new report, there's a chance Netflix may be making more “Addams Family” spinoffs following the success of “Wednesday”… the movie about the Addam’s creepy daughter.

- How about a spinoff starring the new Senator from Pennsylvania?? “Uncle Festermann”?!?!?!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

A 12-year-old football player with a tattoo and facial hair was crowned MVP of the 2022 Youth National Football Championships… But most say there’s no way he’s 12. His defenders say he's just "mature for his age".

- His wife and eight kids say he's twelve... so I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt.

*****

Happy Birthday to Dick Van Dyke who is 97 today!

- In the words of his late on-screen wife Mary Tyler Moore… “Oh Rob!!!”

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Twitter CEO Elon Musk lost his title as the World's Richest Man to a French Billionaire after Musk's net worth fell $107 BILLION in the past year.

- Musk attributes the loss to three things: His $44 BILLION purchase of Twitter, a fall in the price of Tesla stock, and buying 93 Premium Grade Gas for his Rocket ship. (He may have to switch to 87 Grade).

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Director James Cameron will be forced to miss the Hollywood premiere of his new movie, “Avatar: The Way of Water” due to testing positive for COVID-19.

- And I’ll be forced to miss it, too… because I wasn’t invited.

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A Florida man was arrested after he allegedly hit his wife with a Christmas tree after she asked for help with making dinner. Police say they believe "alcohol may have been involved in the incident".

- Ya think?

- The woman posted bail for her husband... but said "So much for ‘Hamburger Helper’'".

*****

A Colorado Zoo said a Baby Koala that was born recently has started to peek its head out from its mother's pouch... but we may not know the baby Koala’s sex for another six months.

- Does it really matter? The way things are going these day... even if it's a Boy Koala, chances are it's gonna "identify" as a Bi-Polar Bear by the time it can Hop on its own.

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The NYC Police Department is looking for a man they say robbed a Wendy’s by threatening the cashier with a knife. But he didn't take any cash - instead he stuffed a bunch of cheeseburgers and chicken nuggets in his pants before taking off.

- He originally tried to shove a Frosty down his pants, but changed his mind, "Because of... you know... Shrinkage".

*****

It’s National Cupcake Day! I’ve got to admit… I’ve always enjoyed ‘em! Especially when they’re homemade! “When they’re Real… They’re Spectacular!!!!” 😉… 👍🏻👍🏻

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

The internet went crazy when people spotted First Lady Jill Biden slipping the President something that he immediately put in his mouth and swallowed right before he delivered a speech yesterday.

- Some say it was Candy. Some say it was some sort of “Memory boosting Medication”. I’m going with the Viagra Bill Clinton sends Joe every year in his “Happy Ho-Ho-Holiday’s Gift Basket!”

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Harry and Meghan are largely being blasted on social media for their Netflix Documentary that critics claim is a staged “whine-fest” full of self-indulgence and unfair slams against the Royal Family.

- Well there goes the “World’s Best Sister-in-Law!” Coffee Mug Meghan was hoping to get from William and Kate on Christmas morning.

*****

A Florida realtor was stunned to find a nude couple having sex in the pool on the property she was preparing to show a client.

- When asked by the police what exactly the couple was doing, she said, “Well… I don’t know how to explain it exactly… but it was definitely more than the Back Stroke.”

*****

A man who was kicked out of a restaurant in Boca Raton for being “belligerent”, decided to protest by dropping his pants on the sidewalk, then did some acrobatics and “performed a musical number” before being taken into custody by police.

- Some diners on the scene said it was the first time they’d seen someone do the “Y.M.C.A.” …….. with an “Exclamation Point”.

*****

According to a new survey, nearly half of Americans feel bad taking time off from work when they’re Sick.

- But if you look at all the employment statistics, it appears a lot of people have no problem NOT going to work when they’re Perfectly Healthy.

*****

Disgraced 30 year old crypto king Sam Bankman-Fried is behind bars in the Bahamas after being arrested JUST ONE DAY before he was set to testify to the US Congress.

- Coincidence???? Maybe.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Sam Bankman-Fried, the disgraced former CEO of collapsed Crypto Currency firm FTX, was arrested in The Bahamas yesterday, just one day before he was scheduled to testify in front of House Financial Services Committee via video.

- He could be extradited back to the US this week… but not before he gets his Prison Haircut.

*****

According the The NY Times… John Fetterman isn’t just Pennsylvania’s newest Senator… he’s one of the “93 Most Stylish People of the Year”. Fetterman is featured alongside other fashion “Icons” like Kim Kardashian and Beyonce… wearing his traditional uniform: shorts, tennis shoes and a hoodie.

- He’s also been cast in a new Netflix movie set in the 1830’s (TRUE!). And if you ask me… if they ever decide to remake “Young Frankenstein”… I think we’ve got the perfect guy to step into the late Peter Boyle’s rather large shoes.

*****

Tom Brady was reportedly so upset after the Bucs 35 - 7 Loss to the 49ers on Sunday… he left Levi's Stadium WITHOUT A SHOWER before flying 3,000 miles back to his home in Florida.

- QUESTION: Did you EVER… in your WILDEST DREAMS… think the LIONS would be having as GOOD a YEAR as TOM BRADY??? (Both are 6 and 7).

*****

The Biden Aministration’s Non-Binary Nuclear Waste Expert Sam Brinton, who uses the Pronouns They/Them, was fired from his job at the Department of Energy over claims they stole two designer suitcases worth thousands of dollars from airports Minneapolis and Las Vegas.

- I’d tell you more about this story, but to be honest I have no idea what a “Non-Binary Nuclear Waste Expert” is.

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The new movie called "The Whale," starring Brendan Fraser as a 600 pound man, scored a big opening in NY and LA this weekend.

- If I want to see a 600 pound man, I can skip the movie and just take a look at myself in the mirror after eating my way through the holidays.

*****

Today is “National Radio Day”… and in honor of that…

A guy calls a radio show in England and says “I can make up a joke - instantly - about any subject!”

So the Radio guy says, “Okay… How about the new King?”

And the guy on the phone says, “The King is Not a Subject!” (Ba da Boom!)

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Hunter Biden was seen at a New York City art gallery selling his paintings to some unidentified buyers for BIG BUCKS.

- Hunter gives new meaning to “Paint by Numbers” and those “Numbers” are 200 GRAND a piece!!

*****

The Lions beat the Vikings Sunday 34 -23 bringing their record to 6 and 7… making it possible for them to win a spot in the Playoffs!!! QB Jared Goff is playing great - as are both the offense and defense… They look like a new team!!! Go LIONS!!!

Meanwhile the Buffalo Bills are 10 -3 having won their game against the NY Jets 20 -12. I mention that because - remember - Buffalo’s my hometown! Go BILLS!!!!

Quarterbacks Jared Goff of the Lions and Josh Allen of the Bills are having stellar seasons… Nice to be able to root for teams that are winning! (Especially the Lions!!)

*****

It took two years... but a Judge in Philadelphia finally ruled that a wooden box that had been erected to cover a statue of Christopher Columbus during the "Social Justice Protests" of 2020 had to be torn down... and now Chris is back overlooking the city.

- In 1492... Columbus sailed the Ocean Blue... And 530 years later in 2022, the Judge told the protestors… Screw you!

*****

According to a new study, kids who watch too much TV are at risk for becoming smokers and gamblers when they grow up.

- Especially if their parents let them watch reruns of "The Sopranos".

*****

A Detroit Popeyes restaurant was forced to close after a DoorDash driver posted video that showed it was infested with cockroaches.

- On a bright note... the Cockroaches were available in Regular and Extra Crispy!

*****

Archaeologists in Turkey found a 10,000-year-old wall carving of a man holding his genitals.

- So… it’s true! Even 10,000 years ago… “Boys will be Boys!”

- And ironically enough… today just happens to be “National Ding-a-Ling Day!!”

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Stormy Daniels lawyer Michael Avenatti was sentenced to 14 years in prison for dodging taxes and stealing millions of $$$ from his clients… just 2 years after some in the media were pushing for him to run for President.

- Avenatti’s still gonna run… away from a cellblock full of guys named “Bubba”.

*****

New York is poised to become the sixth state to legalize ‘human composting’ — where people pay $7,000 to be turned into “Soil” after they die that can be used by their families to start a garden.

- So now, even when Grandma’s GONE parents can still say to their kids… “Over the River and Though the Woods… to Grandma’s House We Go!”

*****

CNN’s Don Lemon says he hopes to see ABC anchor’s TJ Holmes and Amy Robach - who have been suspended for having an affair - so he can “Give ‘em a hug”… saying we shouldn’t judge people in these situations “until we know what all the facts are”.

- You know… kind of like Don did during the whole Jussie Smollett hoax thing.

*****

The Washington Post slammed Discovery Channel’s "Shark Week” for featuring too many White men as “Shark Experts” and repeatedly broadcasting "negative messages" about Sharks. The Post’s conclusion?? The show is “Racist”.

- What’s next? Separate Aquarium bathrooms for Rainbow Trout??

*****

American Girl… makers of a popular line of dolls… is facing intense backlash after they published a “Guide for Girls” age 3 to 12 with advice on taking puberty blockers and other ways to alter their gender.

- Things used to be so simple… Dolls for girls. Action figures for boys. Now it looks like we’ll all be getting coupons for stuff like “G.I. Joe’s Foxhole-Ready Eyeshadow/Lipstick Combo Kit”.

*****

According to new research, some COVID-19 infections are causing liver damage lasting months after diagnosis.

- Dr. Fauci says it’s possible to minimize the damage, but the hard part is getting the mask to stay on your liver.

*****

RIP… The over 2400 men who were killed at Pearl Harbor on this date, December 7, 1941.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

RIP… Emmy and Golden Globe winning actress Kirstie Alley, star of TV’s “Cheers” and “Veronica’s Closet”and movies including “Look Who’s Talking” died yesterday after a brief battle with colon cancer at age 71.

*****

“GMA3” anchors Amy Robach and T.J. Holmes have been taken off the air after news leaked that the two married anchors - have been having an affair.

- Well so much for their big “Secret Santa” reveal.

*****

Short Man Syndrome is real! Researchers at a University in Poland say smaller men tend to “Act loudly and more aggressively” to make up for their lack of height.

- Of course, we know from movies that short men also tend to act Happy, Dopey, Grumpy, Sleepy, Sneezy and somewhat Bashful as well.

*****

According to a new poll, 71% of pet parents believe their furry friend has gotten smarter over the years.

- And you don’t want to cross your dog. Remember… he knows where the bones are buried.

*****

A French tattoo addict who is covered in ink and also had his nose, both ears, and two fingers amputated to achieve his “dream look” said he’s “struggling to find a job”.

- Must be the economy…

*****

Frontier Airlines is getting rid of its traditional phone line for Customer Service.

- So if you call them now... the phone will just ring endlessly. Just like it does at all the other airlines.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back were Wednesday!

-Dick

It's National Bathtub Party Day... So grab your Mr. Bubble & Rubber Ducky and do what Bert, Ernie & Dickie Do!

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Sesame Street icon Bob McGrath - who starred as “Friendly neighbor Bob Johnson” on the show from 1967 to 2017 has died at the age of 91.

- His funeral is being brought to you by the letters… “R”, “I” and “P”.

*****

Guns 'N Roses lead singer Axl Rose announced that after 30 years... the band is ending their tradition of finishing their concerts by throwing the microphone and mic stand into the crowd… because one of their fans got hit in the face and threatened to sue.

- Boy how times change. 30 years ago the fan would have said... "This is SO COOL. I hope it leaves a HUGE SCAR!!!" And now it's like... "My Medicare Part B Doesn't Cover stitches...".

*****

New research found that Self-Service Touch Screens at Grocery Stores are loaded with e coli and other illness inducing bacteria that can literally make you sick.

- Just something to think about while your standing there for 15 minutes waiting for the clerk... as the "Help is on the Way" light blinks on and off over your head and everybody in line stares at you.

*****

The world’s largest active volcano, Mauna Loa on the Big Island of Hawaii, continues to erupt... and can even be seen from space.

- Then again, so can Kim Kardashian’s Butt so I guess it’s not that big a deal.

*****

The Rolling Stones plan to release what they’re calling their “Ultimate LIVE Greatest Hits Album.”

- They better hurry... I mean, “Time ISN’T Necessarily on Their Side”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

House Democrats voted Wednesday to make Hakeem Jeffries their leader in the next Congress, replacing Nancy Pelosi as Speaker of the House.

- Nancy left him a nice note, her gavel, and her standing weekly eyebrow waxing appointment at the Capitol Salon.

*****

In a photo shoot to raise awareness about skin cancer, 2,500 people posed naked on a beach in Australia.

- But they were photographed from the Outback so there were no Bloomin' Onions in the picture.

*****

Researchers at Penn State say older adults experience less stress in their daily lives than their younger counterparts... and that when something stressful does happen... Seniors are more likely to let it roll off their backs.

- Unfortunately, as it's rolling off their backs, Seniors are a lot more likely than younger people to pull their back OUT.

*****

North Korea's Kim Jong Un is ordering new Parents to give their children "Patriotic Names" including "Bomb" (Pok Il) and "Gun" (Chong Il), and to change the names of existing children with "soft names" like "Su Mi" (Super Beauty") to something more "Militaristic".

- What a great idea! I'm going to run this by Jackie - I'm sorry, that's “Intercontinental Ballistic Missile” when she comes over this afternoon!

*****

A Buddhist temple in central Thailand has been left without Monks after all its Holy men were defrocked after testing positive for Meth. The monks are now in rehab.

- This reminds me of a joke... Charlie Sheen, Hunter Biden and a Buddhist Monk walk into a bar...

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The number of same-sex couple households in the U.S. has surpassed 1 million for the first time.

- It's all good but it can get confusing. For instance, Rosie O'Donnell got mad at a bunch of her kids a while back and said, "Wait til your Father gets home!" That was 10 years ago... and they're still waiting.

*****

San Francisco will now allow police to deploy robots that can kill.

- What could go wrong??

- How long til we hear start hearing call to "UnPlug the Robots!"

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RIP... Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac has died after a brief illness. She was 79.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Singer Pink spent $5000 on a painting created by 2 Chimps… calling it “A Masterpiece”. It was part of an exhibit billed as the 1st ever “Collection of Art by Chimpanzees”.

- Art experts say the Chimps’ painting “Channels the moody colors of a Rembrandt”.

- And the talent of a Hunter Biden.

*****

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have finalized their Divorce. As part of the agreement, Kanye has to pay Kim (who is worth $85 MILLION) $200,000 a month in Child Support for their 4 kids North, Chicago, Saint & Psalm.

- Kim also gets 4 of the couples homes including their 60,000 square foot Beverly Hills mansion as well as sole possession of her 38,000 square foot rear end. (It's a duplex).

*****

The Communist Government in China is being accused of flooding social media sites with ads for Porn and Sex Workers to distract citizens scanning the internet for information about protests in the country.

- Leave it to the Commies to silence the people... By Hooker, by Crook.

*****

Emotions are still running high after the U.S. defeated Iran in yesterday's World Cup Match, 1 - 0.

- It's sadly Ironic... During the game, as is the rule in soccer, the Iranians used their heads. And by the end of the week, they'll probably lose them.

*****

About 200 people ice fishing on a frozen Minnesota lake had to be rescued Monday after the chunk of ice they were on broke off and drifted away.

- This is why I alway get MY frozen fish from the Gorton Fisherman and his wife Mrs. Paul.

*****

Using a single chest X-ray, a new Artificial Intelligence program can predict the risk of heart disease for an entire decade.

- So one X-ray can predict whether you're going to drop dead in the next 10 years?? Well Merry Christmas!!!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

It’s National “The Customer is Wrong Day”… or as they call it at my Cable Company… “Tuesday”.

*****

First Lady Jill Biden unveiled the White House Christmas decorations on Monday - including stockings over the fireplace for each of the Biden Grandchildren… BUT… the daughter Hunter Biden had with a Stripper was left out of the display.

- I’m sure her Mom will get her a stocking. It’ll be a fishnet… but at least she’ll have a stocking.

*****

In Chicago, charges have been filed against three people after a fight broke out over a soccer game.

- Ya gotta love Chicago… Shoot people and your’e free to go. But throw a juice box on the ground at your kids soccer game and they send you up the river.

*****

According to a new study, nearly 15% of Americans experience bloating on a weekly basis.

- A related study found that nearly 100% of Sheep experience Bleating in the same time frame.

*****

Katherine Schwarzenegger posted a first pic of her daughter Eloise with grandpa Arnold.

- Hard to believe Arnold is a Grandpa. He’s gone from “I’ll be back” to “Oh… my Back!”

*****

The Tulsa Police Department arrested a man Saturday night after they say a family game of Monopoly turned violent with one man arrested after he chased his brother-in-law down the street with a gun.

- Needless to say, he Did Not Pass Go… but went Directly to Jail.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

I hope you had a great Thanksgiving Weekend filled with Fun, Food. Family and Football! Especially the Ah-Maizing Michigan 45 - 23 Win over Ohio State. So we had Turkey on Thursday… and then turned OSU into another Turkey on Saturday!!! I don’t know about you… but I’m Happily Stuffed!!

*****

Mauna Loa… the world’s largest active volcano… located on the big Island of Hawaii is erupting for the first time in 38 years.

- Experts say there’s no lava flowing right now... but one resident, a Mr. D. Ho did report seeing "Tiny Bubbles". (Ba da Boom!)

That reminds me of the time we landed in Honolulu and were taken to a big “Welcoming Ceremony” where we were greeted by singer Don Ho. He asked everybody to shout out where they were from and one guy yelled that he’d flown in from Japan. Don said, “Hey… Welcome. But next time… No Surprises, okay?” (True!)

*****

Actress Alyssa Milano is being ridiculed on Social Media after tweeting that she'd traded in her Tesla for an Electric Volkswagen ... because Elon Musk's products are being "Pushed in alignment with hate and white supremacy." Critics pointed out that Volkswagen was founded by Hitler and the Nazis.

- Well, yes... there's that!!!!!

*****

The Parade Company did a fabulous job with this year’s Thanksgiving Parade down Woodward Avenue in Detroit including 9 new floats!

- Meanwhile… In New York… A million or so people watched a bunch of bloated, cartoonish balloons filled with hot air… but enough about the “Special Holiday Episode of The View”.

*****

It's Cyber Monday!

The day computer literate people save BIG by getting all of their Christmas shopping done on their phones and computers and the rest of us spend all day calling THEM asking if they know our WIFI password.

*****

A Florida woman is suing Kraft Heinz for $5 MILLION claiming their Microwavable Velveeta Shells & Cheese cups takes longer to prepare than the 3 and 1/2 minutes that it says on the label.

- God forbid this woman ever tries to make a box of "Minute Rice".

*****

RIP... Irene Cara. The Oscar-winning singer of the themes for the movies “Flashdance” ("What a Feeling") and "Fame"... has died at her home at age 63. No cause has been given.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

From the entire Purtan Family to You and Yours… Happy Thanksgiving!

Have a Safe, Happy & Healthy Holiday Weekend and I’ll see you back here Monday!

-Dick

It’s Thanksgiving Eve!

An estimated 55 MILLION Americans will be traveling 50 miles or more this Holiday weekend: 2.3 MILLION FLYING each day, 50 MILLION traveling by car, and 4 MILLION expected to pack Trains and Busses.

- Hey… That’s a great idea for a movie! We could have gotten Steve Martin and John Candy to star… and we could have called it “Planes, Trains & Automobiles!” Why didn’t we think of that??

*****

Jones Soda Co. has brought back their Limited Edition “Turkey & Gravy” flavored soda.

- I tried it… but got turned off because the “Gravy” part was a little lumpy.

*****

Japan pulled off a stunning upset at the World Cup earlier today… beating Germany 2-1.

- Raise your hand if you’re old enough to remember when Japan and Germany played for the same team?

*****

According to a new survey, 2 in 3 people are working more during the holiday season and even picking up a side gig to earn extra money.

- Even Santa’s Elves are having to get a second job… at the “Men’s Warehouse Small & Short Shop”.

*****

Scientists at the University of South Australia report that consuming 30-50 grams of Almonds can help people cut back on calories.

- So I was right! Eating 3 Almond Joys a day IS going to help me lose weight!

*****

Just in time for Thanksgiving… A new romantic horror film “Bones and All,” debuts today. The movie follows two Cannibalistic lovers as they embark on a road trip across America.

- This sounds like “Jeffrey Dahmer” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life”.

- When I read “Romantic Horror” film… I thought it was a documentary about Johnny Depp and Amber Heard.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow… Thanksgiving Day!!

-Dick

Jay Leno is back home after undergoing two surgeries for damage to his face & hands caused by a fire that broke out while he was working on one of his classic cars. He’s expected to make a full recovery… and as Jay’s co-star in the movie “Collision Course” (and by “Co-Star” I mean I had a 20 second voice-over role), I send him my very best and hope we can get back to making movies TOGETHER… Soon!!!

*****

Two years after after the NY Post broke the Hunter Biden Laptop Story… CBS News has finally “Verified it’s Authenticity”… but not before calling it “Russian Disinformation” during the 2020 Presidential and 2022 Midterm Elections.

- In related news… CBS also announced: “We can now confirm that the Earth is Round, The Sun sets in the West, and Yes, Bears Do Go in the Woods”.

****

In a shock Sunday night move at the “House of Mouse” Disney announced that it’s current CEO is out… and former CEO Bog Iger - who retired less than a year ago is coming back to try to fix the company who’s stock fell over their “Woke” Policies.

- No one is more excited about this than Sleeping Beauty who says she hasn’t gotten a decent night’s sleep since Disney went “Woke”.

*****

Speaking of Shut-Eye… 2 in 3 Americans say the #1 thing they wish Santa would leave under the tree for them this year… is “A decent night’s sleep” or “Any product that can help them sleep better”.

- Remember when “Tickle Me Elmo” was big?? Now everybody wants “Knock Me Out Xanax”.

*****

After running a 24-hour poll on Twitter, Elon Musk announced that he is reinstating former President Trump on Twitter. 52% of nearly 12 million votes were in favor of the move.

- Trump is already calling for a Recount!

*****

The strip club “Booby Trap” has made a bid for the naming rights to the Miami Heat’s FTX Arena.

- If that happens… I say Good Luck to all the guys who will have to tell their wives they've got Season Tickets to the "Booby Trap”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow… Thanksgiving Eve!

-Dick

Amazing Football Weekend here in Detroit… even though the Lions were out of town - in New York - where they beat the Giants 31 - 18 - bringing the Lion’s record up to 4 and 6 and moving them to #2 in the NFC North Division!

Meanwhile… The Buffalo Bills took on the Cleveland Browns down at Ford Field in Detroit after the game was moved from Buffalo due to an incredible 77 inch snowfall. I went to the game with daughters Jill and JoAnne and my 10 year old Grandson Brayden. Brayden’s Mom, my daughter Julie, passed away a year and a half ago and was a HUGE Bills fan… something she passed on to Brayden… that made going to the game truly special! And Buffalo’s win - 31-23 over the Browns - was the icing on the cake.

Between that and the Lions winning… well, it was a Great day all around!!

Maybe they should switch stadiums more often!?!?!?

Have a terrific day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

This afternoon, Nancy Pelosi made it official that she will NOT serve in a leadership role now that the Republicans won the house… but WILL serve out her term as Representative from San Francisco. Republican Kevin McCarthy is on track to take over as Speaker of the House.

Meanwhile the Speaker in MY House is named Alexa.

*****

Yesterday on “The View”, Joy Behar announced that Whoopi Goldberg has tested positive for Covid and will be absent from the show until she recovers.

- Here’s an idea… How about the WHOLE SHOW takes a week off??!!??!!

*****

In a viral video that has racked up over 8 million views on Tik Tok, a Groom is seen showing up for his wedding in a Casket, solemnly carried to the altar by his six Groomsmen.

- How did the Bride react? Let's just say she went with the Something Old, Borrowed and New for the Ceremony... and saved the "Something Blue" for the Wedding night.

*****

White Castle has released a recipe for "Kicking' Southwest Stuffin'" for the Holidays that you can make at home by mixing fresh ingredients with White Castle's Jalapeño Cheese Sliders.

- So… I’m supposed to go to White Castle, buy a sack ‘o sliders, take ‘em home and shove ‘em in a raw turkey and cook ‘em again??? YUM!!!

*****

California police arrested a man for stealing a shopping cart jam packed with gallons of Tide laundry detergent… and when they ran his name, they found out he was already wanted for MURDER.

- And now apparently he’s looking to get into Money Laundering.

*****

A septuagenarian woman led authorities on a 112 mph chase on an Oregon highway… blowing her tires out along the way. Cops had to spike the 75 YEAR OLD WOMAN’S tires 7 times to get her to stop.

- And unfortunately Cops didn’t buy her excuse that she was in labor and rushing to get to the hospital.

*****

An Australian law student was caught passing through airport security with her deceased boyfriend’s ashes hidden in a sex toy.

- Before you judge.... everyone grieves in their own way. .

******

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here friday!

-Dick

This is a picture that Pennsylvania Senator-Elect John Fetterman’s wife Giselle posted on Twitter of the happy couple after last weeks Midterms.

- Kind of makes you wonder who won… Fetterman or his wife?

*****

Buffalo and its SOUTHERN suburbs is bracing for a MAJOR snow event - with 3 to 6 feet of snow possible by Sunday.

- My hometown of Kenmore is on the NORTHERN side of Buffalo… so we always got off easy. We usually only got about 5 and 1/2 feet of snow.

*****

Billionaire Jeff Bezos warned that the country is headed for a recession and warned Americans to “save their money” by holding off on buying big ticket items like cars and TV’s.

- Instead, he suggests you spend your money on more “practical purchases” like Chia Pets and Yoga Pants which can be on your doorstep in two days FREE with Amazon Prime!!!

*****

The Royal Family released a new portrait of King Charles III in celebration of both his 74th birthday and newly appointed role as “Park Ranger of Windsor Great Park”. (True)

- And later this week they plan to release a new portrait of Prince Andrew presenting his girlfriend with her Wrist Corsage for the Prom.

*****

As punishment for throwing eggs at King Charles and Queen Consort Camilla last week, A 23-year-old Englishman has been banned from carrying EGGS in public — except for when grocery shopping.

- Boy… they’ve come a long way from the Tower of London haven’t they?

*****

Actor Rainn Wilson of "The Office" fame recently changed his name to “Rainnfall-Heat-Wave-Extreme- Winter -Wilson” on social media to Protest Climate Change.

- Well I’m gonna change my name to “Dick-Orange-Barrel-Flashing-Arrow-Follow-Detour-Signs-Pot-Hole- Purtan” to Protest the Bad Roads and Constant Construction in Michigan!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Researchers say there’s a Global Sperm Crisis… with Sperm Counts from across the world falling by 50% between 1973 and 2018 - something that experts say could “Threaten the survival of Mankind”.

- Guys… Are we gonna stand for this??

- In the words of Dorie from “Finding Nemo”… Just Keep Swimming!

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At the G-20 Summit in Bali… President Biden skipped dinner, causing some to worry he was feeling ill.

- But it turns out they have a different cable system in Bali and “Matlock” came on right when the soup was served.

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Robert Kennedy Jr. says he is “Baffled” by his family’s decision to give Prince Harry & Meghan Markle their prestigious “Ripple of Hope” Humanitarian Award… but said it’s a “Step up” from last year’s winner… Dr. Fauci.

- In a related story… The family announced that they’ll be handing out the “Ted Kennedy Excellence In Driving Award” to Billy Joel at a Gala next year.

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The most recent data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention shows over seven in 10 U.S. adults aged 20 and older are either overweight or obese.

- I bring that up in case you’re looking for something to talk about while having seconds of mashed potatoes and gravy at Thanksgiving dinner.

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The American Academy of Pediatric Medicine - who has come out in favor of “gender affirming procedures” for children under 18 - says they DO NOT believe that children under 18 should be allowed to get a tattoo WITH OR WITHOUT PARENTAL CONSENT because it PERMANENTLY ALTERS THEIR BODY and they “Can’t change it back”.

- So the bottom line here is… a Tramp Stamp is a No-No… But having your John Wayne “Bobbitted” is Okey Dokey!

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Facial hair enthusiasts gathered at a bar in Wyoming to create the worlds longest Beard. The group of men stood side by side and clipped their beards together to create a hairy chain that was measured at 150 feet long.

- The guys got some GREAT pictures they wanted to show their wives or girlfriends… if they had any.

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Thoughts and Prayers go out to Jay Leno who is in the Hospital in Los Angeles recovering from 3rd degree burns on his face and hands. Jay was working on one of his vintage cars when a fuel leak led to an explosion.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

President Biden met with Chinese President Xi at the G20 summit this morning.

- The Chinese President ordered the media to report a "Positive Meeting" and Biden ordered "Sweet and Sour Chicken".

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A new study shows that, just like humans, rats can move their heads in time to a musical beat.

- And you should see them move when they play Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Sammy Davis Jr. tunes from their Rat Pack Vegas days.

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Jeff Bezos girlfriend Lauren Sanchez says she’s putting together an all-female crew so they can take a girls trip to outer space on one of her boyfriend’s Rockets.

- The trip is scheduled to last two days... but could take up to a week with all the potty breaks and stops to ask for directions.

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A new study found that some Senior Americans are just as glued to their Smartphones as teenagers are... with some so addicted to scrolling through news and social media they even ignore their kids and grandkids.

- Or maybe... like me... they're just trying to figure out how to turn it on.

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Over the weekend, a baseball glove worn by Babe Ruth was auctioned off for more than $1.5 million.

- In a related story, a wedding dress once worn by Dennis Rodman is still available on a "100 Bucks or Best Offer" basis.

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Tom Brady’s ex Gisele Bundchen was seen out on a date with her new boyfriend in Costa Rica over the weekend. Meanwhile, Tom was in Germany… where he led Tampa Bay to a 21 -16 win over Seattle making him the first NFL Quarterback in history to win 3 games in a country outside the US.

- So he won the game, set a new record, but his ex-wife got a new boyfriend. Well… I guess even Tom Brady can’t win ‘em all.

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RIP… John Aniston, Jennifer Aniston’s father and the actor known for his roles on “Days of Our Lives”, "The West Wing" and “Search for Tomorrow” has passed away at age 89.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick