Harvard will offer a new class next term called "Taylor Swift and Her World" - which will take students on a "Deep dive into Swift's music, lyrics and their impact on today's culture".

- It’ll make a great companion class to this term’s offering “How to Date a Professional Football Player”.

- In the old days, I couldn’t get into Harvard because I wasn’t Smart enough. Now I’m Smart enough to advise my Granddaughters not to take that class.

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Daryl Hall has filed a lawsuit and RESTRAINING ORDER against his long-time partner John Oates in a dispute concerning sales of their extensive music catalog.

- Turns out Oats wanted to Sell the Catalog to some "Rich Girl" and Hall was like, "I Can't Go For That".

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Security footage shows two dogs ripping apart cars at a dealership in Houston, Texas.

- The cars have been repaired, but let's just say that due to some of the Canine Criminals handiwork, the vehicles no longer have that "New Car Smell".

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A Georgia man was taken into custody by Sheriff’s Deputies after he got high on mushrooms, put on a yellow chicken suit and started yelling at passing cars.

- NOTE TO GUY IN CHICKEN SUIT: Next time: Glue yourself to the road and start complaining about CLIMATE CHANGE!!! They’ll LET YOU GO!!!!

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On Friday, North Korean leader Kim Jong Un examined photos from his nation's first spy satellite.

- He was so proud because it only took two weeks to get the pics back now that North Korea has upgraded it's technology to include a new Fotomat Kiosk in the parking lot at the Pyonyang Outlet Mall.

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A recent report says that some stores and chains in the U.K. and Canada are ditching self-checkout machines and returning to traditional cashiers.

- And with all the crime in American Cities these days, stores here are going to ditch BOTH Cashiers AND Self-Checkout Machines to make it easier for the Looters to get to the front door with their Free Stuff!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Wishing you a Wonderful Holiday with Family & Friends!

-Dick & Jackie

Tomorrow’s the Big Day! Thanksgiving!

FYI… I’m going to keep today’s blog short because I’ve got a lot of peeling, chopping, dicing, stuffing, spooning, leveling, whisking, baking, frosting, basting, simmering, & roasting to do to get ready!

Well… To be honest… I don’t do any of those things. It’s just a regular day for me.

But I do have one very important job tomorrow: PRE-HEATING. That’s right… I’m in charge of Preheating the Oven.

It may not seem like much… but technically it’s the key to the WHOLE OPERATION! Without my part… there would be no Thanksgiving Dinner! You’re welcome!

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Speaking of that… Just a reminder… If you have any questions about your Bird… the Butterball Turkey Talk Line is up and running! Just call 1-800-BUTTERBALL! You can also go to Butterball.com where they have experts on hand to offer advice and provide cooks with “Emotional Support”.

- Call me crazy… but I’m thinking the TURKEY’s need the “Emotional Support” more than the COOKS do…

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A Hawaiian woman has been ordered to pay nearly $39,000 in restitution to American Airlines for swearing at a flight crew and will be prohibited from flying for the next three years.

- The fine seems excessive… but the way air travel is these days, the “No flying for 3 years” thing almost seems like a GIFT!

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A British tourist was knocked unconscious after a group of 20 Thai lapdancers began fighting over him at a Strip Club.

- This gives a whole new meaning to “Thai-ing one on”.

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Some Mashed Potatoes, Cranberry Sauce and a Turkey walk into a bar and order drinks.

The bartender says to the Mashed Potatoes… “I’m giving you this beer because I can see you’ve taken your lumps and I think you deserve it”.

“And for you, Mr. Cranberry… a Shot… because I can see you enjoy getting “Sauced”.

Finally, the Bartender looks at the Turkey, pushes a bottle of Vodka in front of him and says, “This is for you. It’s a reward for always sticking your neck out”.

And the Turkey says “Bada Boom!”.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow… Thanksgiving!

-Dick

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NOTE: Seems hard to believe… but today is the 60th Anniversary of the Assassination of President John F. Kennedy.

Aldi Foodstores is opening it’s first ever bottomless Pigs-in-a-Blanket restaurant in the U.K… where you can get an endless supply of Sausages wrapped in Bacon for one low price.

- And that price is: A Heart Attack.

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We’re just 2 days away from Thanksgiving...

Why didn't the Turkey cross the Road?

- He saw what happened to the Chicken.

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With all of the focus on Thanksgiving, let's not forget what comes next... "Black Friday"...the official kick off of the Christmas shopping season

A lot of people don't know this, but on the Friday after the first Thanksgiving, Pocahontas got in a fist fight with a Pilgrim lady at the "Kohl's of Plymouth". They were both reaching for the same pair of Cuddle Duds Flannel Christmas Pajamas... when the fists - and arrows - started flying.

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Over the weekend in Paris, a hat worn by Napoléon Bonaparte sold for $2.1 million at auction.

- Not sure it’s REAL, though, since it had “Make Paris Great Again” sewn into the front of the cap.

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A US Navy reconnaissance jet with nine crew members aboard crashed into water off the Hawaiian island of Oahu on Monday after OVERSHOOTING THE RUNWAY at a US Marine Corps base. Thankfully, there were no serious injuries.

- But, as the air escaped from the plane into the beautiful blue Hawaii waters… there were a lot of “Tiny Bubbles”.

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According to a new survey, 48 percent of Americans admit that they’ve have attended a Holiday party just for the food.

- Yes… and??

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Happy Birthday to President Biden who turns 81 today. The Birthday Boy spent the morning Pardoning “Liberty” and “Bell”… two Turkeys who will be “Spared” this Thanksgiving.

- The ceremony went off without a hitch until he also accidentally pardoned Chris Christie.

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Airlines are bracing for record Thanksgiving travel over the Thanksgiving Holiday with more than 30 Million Americans expected to be patted down by TSA agents at the nation's airports.

- If you want to avoid the hassle of having to show ID, being x-rayed and being felt-up by an armed security guard, you can always just walk in through the southern border and get a FREE flight to Grandma's house no questions asked.

- Of course you might get “patted down” by your Crazy inebriated Uncle…

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A cargo plane leaving New York's John F. Kennedy Airport had to turn around shortly after take-off when a horse got loose and began walking up the aisle on board.

- Apparently the Horse insisted on using the restroom in First Class… but only had a ticket for (Stage) Coach.

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The US Postal Service reported a $6.5 billion net loss for the 12 months ending September 30th and said it will not break-even next year.

- They sent out a letter with all the details… but naturally it got lost in the mail.

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According to a new report, so called “Porch Pirates” are expected to steal upwards of $74 BILLION worth of packages from front porches during the holiday season this year.

- And that’s if they just pick up the packages of cash the White House has sent to Ukrainian President Zelensky in Ukraine!

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According to a new report by Pew Research Center, Americans’ trust in science and scientists has dropped signigificantly since the start of the Covid Pandemic.

- Read all about it in the new book, “Curious George Wonders Whether He REALLY Needs That 47th Covid Booster”.

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RIP… Rosalynn Carter… Former First Lady & wife of President Jimmy Carter has died at 96 at the couple’s home in Plains, Georgia. The former first lady, who was a life-long champion of mental health, caregiving, & women’s rights, died surrounded by family and friends. In a statement released Sunday, former President Carter called his wife "my equal partner in everything I ever accomplished… As long as Rosalynn was in the world, I always knew somebody loved and supported me.”

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

The new superhero movie “The Marvels” has been a dissppointment at the box office. It features “Kamala Khan” - a teammate of “Captain Marvel”.

- Her character is, of course, based on “Kamala Harris” - a teammate of “Captain Confusion”.

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I read an article that said cutting just 12% of calories from your diet can help you build healthier muscles and slow down aging.

- So I figured, this sounds easy, right? So I take a $100,000 Candy Bar we had left over from Halloween and I figure I’ll cut off 12% of that… so I get out a pair of scissors and I start trimming the candy bar until I cut off what I figure is about $12 Grand worth of Chocolate, Caramel and Crispies and then eat the remaining 88%. Did my muscles get any bigger?? No. Did I stop aging? I don’t think so. Did I end up making a huge mess and then eating the parts I cut off the candy bar anyway?? You better believe it!!

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Disney theme parks have been so packed, that riders at Disneyland and Disney World have been “relieving themselves” while standing in line, according to eyewitness accounts posted on social media.

- With many of the women commenting… “It really IS a Small World, After all”.

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Two Girl Scout Troop leaders have been charged with embezzling more than $20,000 from an Ann Arbor Girl Scout Troop.

- On a bright note... each of the Troop Leaders will receive a special "Embezzlement Badge"!

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Animal rescuers on Long Island, New York had to rescue an Owl that got itself trapped in the front grille of a car.

- Not a very Wise move on the Owls part. I'm just sayin'...

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A new report says that traces of cannabis in human bones suggest 17th-century Italians were recreational pot users.

- “When the Moon hits your Eye Like a Big Pizza Pie… That’s the Munchies!”

- Well this explains how Michaelangelo painted the celling of the Sistine Chapel… he was HIGH.

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Thanksgiving is one week from day… a survey found that the LEAST popular dish to grace most American’s Thanksgiving table is…. Cranberry Sauce.

- I have to throw a flag on the play on this one! I LOVE Cranberry sauce! And I’m old school - I like it the old fashioned way - Straight out of the Ocean Spray Can!!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

Dick

President Biden and Chinese President Xi are meeting in San Francisco today. The White House says the goal of the meeting is to ease tensions and normalize communications with the Communist Super Power.

- That… and Joe’s hoping to get Xi to give him the “Ancient Chinese Secret” to getting his laundry so clean!

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Barbara Streisand says she will leave the United States if Donald Trump is elected President in 2024.

- In related news…. She offered to perform LIVE at the Innauguration if Joe and Kamala win. Which is great! I haven’t heard “Send in the Clowns” in FOREVER!

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According to a new survey, Cannabis users say the drug improves their sleep better than supplements like Melatonin.

- But according to former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee… nothing will get you the good nights sleep you need like RELAXIUM!!!!

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A New York Post article claims that there’s an estimated $32 BILLION worth of treasure lying at the bottom of the sea inside of Sunken Ships.

- As soon as the news broke… two things happended instantly: 1) Congress tried to TAX the Money. And 2) Urkranian President Zelensky tried to BORROW it.

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A new poll finds that the British are among the world’s biggest binge drinkers… with British Men AND Women binge drinking more than their Irish counterparts.

- When the Irish heard the news, they were so depressed, they drank themselves into a stupor, sang a couple verses of “Danny Boy” and passed out.

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A CVS location in Washington DC was forced to wipe its shelves clean of toilet paper and replace them instead with framed photos of the products amid rising thefts in the country’s capital.

- It’s working out okay so far… but Note to Consumers: Be careful!!! The edges of those picture frames aren’t nearly as soft as the Charmin you’re used to!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Crazy night last night… with the Republican Debate on one Channel… the Country Music Awards on another.

- You know things are bad when the lyrics to the Country Songs are less depressing than the Speeches at the Debate.

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A Canadian family welcomed a bouncing baby boy last month — who weighed a whopping 14 1bs. 8 ounces. "It was a mind-blowing experience," said the baby’s father, “It was like… winning the Stanley Cup. Everybody was jumping and screaming. It was fun."

- I’m not sure “Fun” is the word the MOM used to describe it… but, okay… we’ll go with that.

“Sonny”… the couple’s fifth child was actually delivered by C-Section because 2 of the couples older children had tipped the scales at 13 pounds each.

- Basically the Mom told her OB, “When push comes to shove… I’m NOT DOING any of the pushing or shoving anymore!!”

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A new survey found that when dining out, 53% of people experience “Food Envy,” … wishing they had ordered what someone else is enjoying.

- And the #1 most “Envied” item is the one Meg Ryan was having in “When Harry Met Sally”.

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A Deer crashed through the front window of the “Curvaceous” lingerie store in Lansing and did some browsing before finding its way back outside.

- The deer has not been identified, but I’m better her name was “Vixen” or “Dancer”.

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A new survey finds that many people suffer from “Tattoo Regret”… with tattoos on the Forearm getting the most post-ink second-thoughts.

- Well, there was one woman who got “Two Door Convertible” tattooed on her Chest when she was twenty… and said by the time she was 80… she needed to have it “fixed” to read “FOUR ON THE FLOOR”.

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A new version of the Burt Reynolds football comedy “The Longest Yard” will be headed to theaters in 2024.

- In my opinion… “The Longest Yard” EVER was the front yard of the house I grew up in in Kenmore, New York when my Dad made me get out of bed every Saturday to mow.

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During a recent diving exploration, there were roughly 50,000 bronze coins found dating back to the 4th century AD off the coast of Sardinia in Italy.

- Thus the famous song… “50,000 Coins Close to the Fountain”.

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As promised… Here’s the video of 11 year old Lia Lucci singing at Andiamos last Friday night. I was there when she got picked from the audience to sing during David Foster’s show there last week and Lia was so good, they invited her back to perform during Frankie Scinta’s show two nights later! In the clip, she’s singing, “I Will Always Love You”. It was a hit for Whitney Houston - and I’m thinking Lia’s version is a Winner, too.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

People Magazine announced their “Sexiest Man Alive” for 2023 and the Winner is… Patrick Dempsey aka the former “Dr. McDreamy” from Grey’s Anatomy… the Medical Drama he left in 2015.

I had lunch with him one day in the cafeteria at Sinai Hospital in Detroit. The idea was to see how long it would take for the Nurses to realize that “Dr. McDreamy” was sitting across from me having lunch.

Let’s just say within five minutes “Dr. McDreamy” had more Nurses attending to him that an ICU patient during a Code Blue… and “Dr. McDiscJockey” (that’s me) was left sitting eating my cup of Sugar-Free Jell-O.

It’s not easy being the Wingman for the “Sexiest Man Alive”… but somebody’s gotta do it!

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The last “new” Beatles song, “Now and Then,” was released last week… using Artificial Intelligence to separate out John Lennon's vocal tracks, then incorporating Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr's musical additions.

- I was curious about the whole “AI” thing… but it turns out, even “Artificial Intelligence” was smart enough to edit Yoko Ono’s vocals out of the final mix!

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An Oregon jury awarded a man $1.4 MILLION after he claimed his landlord stole his pet cat following the feline’s mysterious disappearance.

- The man wasn’t supposed to reveal the amount of the settlement… but he let the Cat out of the bag.

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The Oregon Department of Education just decided that basic “Reading, Writing and ‘rithmetic” are not required for students to get a high school diploma. They just voted to extended a rule - put in place during the pandemic - that gets rid of PASSING GRADES as a requirement to Graduate from High School through 2028.

- I guess it makes sense. How much Education do you need to make a Sign and Protest something you know absolutely NOTHING about??

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After the great response we got to the pic and story about 11 year old Detroit singer Lia Lucci yesterday… Her Dad sent me a video of her singing “I Will Always Love You” at Andiamo’s last Friday Night during Las Vegas star Frankie Scinta’s show, and I’m going to post it at the end of the blog tomorrow! She’s a great kid with an amazing voice!!!

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Had the chance to see two great shows at Andiamo Celebrity Show Room in Warren last week… David Foster & Katherine McPhee on Wednesday, then Frankie Scinta on Friday. But the real star of the show BOTH nights was the amazing little girl you see with me in the pic. That’s Lia Lucci, 11, a local girl who happened to be in the audience with her parents at the David Foster show Wednesday and got a chance to sing Whitney Houston and Dolly Parton’s hit “I Will Always Love You”. To say Miss Lucci was astounding is an understatement. She was incredible… and they invited her back to perform with Frankie on Friday. Remember her name: Lia Lucci. She’s going places!!!

FYI… “I Will Always Love You” was actually written and recorded by Dolly Parton in 1973… before Whitney Houston asked Dolly if she could record it - which she did and had a HUGE hit with it in 1992. It almost got the “Royal Treatment”… when Elvis asked Dolly if HE could record the song… but, believe it or not, Dolly turned him down!

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A new study out of Canada found that Birth Control Pills alter the part of Women’s brains responsible for Emotion, Anxiety and Fear… and might make them more likely to “take risks”.

- Well I can think of ONE risk taking the Pill is gonna make them more willing to take.

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Four men have been charged for stealing a $6 MILLION 18-carat solid gold toilet stolen from the home where Winston Churchill was born in 1874.

- In the words of Winston himself… “This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." Maybe he WASN’T talking about WWII… Maybe he was foretelling this whole toilet theft thing… “And when the waves of Tourists begin to arrive in years to come… they’ll have a place to put their End” !!!

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A biologically female author from Toronto who came out as a transgender man last August after his now wife (who was his husband for 19 years) - came out as a trans woman - has announced that their son is now their daughter and they are now in a four way open-relationship with their respective trans lovers.

- Just in time for the Holidays!

- I’d love to be a fly on the wall when they try to figure out the “Secret Santa” exchange in THAT family!

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According to a new survey, 4 in 10 parents admit they don’t want to be like their own Parents.

- The other 6 in 10 couldn't be reached for comment as they were outside yelling at the neighborhood kids to get offa their lawn.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

The liberal mayors of NYC, Chicago, Denver, Houston and LA are teaming up to demand that the Biden administration step in and pony up $5 BILLION in taxpayer $$$ to cover the costs of taking care of migrants after those Mayors THEMSELVES declared they were "Sanctuary Cities".

- Okay..... Here's another idea: NO.

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Willie Nelson is bringing something new to Michigan and it's not music... Starting next Wednesday, "Willie's Reserve"... Nelson's personal line of Cannabis products go on sale in select dispensaries around the state.

- Hear more details in Willies new song, "To All the Joints I've Rolled Before".

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77 year old Cher says she and her 37 year old boyfriend Alexander "A.E." Edwards have a great relationship, but admits that - with a 40 year age difference between them, he doesn't always get her references.

- For example, when Cher mentions “Sonny Bono” he thinks she talking about the Weather Forecast.

- And she thinks “Kaitlyn & Bruce” Jenner used to be married. (Perhaps you already know this… but Kaitlyn and Bruce ARE THE SAME PERSON as I understand it)

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A huge, scared Black Bear climbed into a tree near Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom, forcing more than a dozen attractions and rides to close down temporarily.

- Apparently the bear freaked out after he had a few too many drinks during dinner at the Country Bear Jamboree and woke up next to Sleeping Beauty.

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An Indian man who has been separated from his wife for nearly 40 YEARS and has been trying to divorce her for 27 YEARS had his request for divorce dismissed by the Supreme Court.

- Why the rush?

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An Iowa man thought he was pretty clever when he tried to get out of an Indecent Exposure charge by telling police that he wasn't actually "Pleasuring Himself" as he walked around a busy Target store, but rather was playing with a sex toy he had hidden in his shorts. But police didn't buy his story and he was arrested.

- The man's wife said she was shocked... saying, "He'a a quiet guy... It's not like him to walk around Tooting his own horn".

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Wednesday night, Jennifer, Jackie, JoAnne and Jessica and I went to the Andiamo Showroom in Warren to see David Foster and his wife Katherine McPhee. (The girls had gotten me tix for my Birthday present!) What a show! He’s written and produced more songs than you can count… for everyone from Celine Dion and Josh Grobin to Chicago, Michael Jackson and Peter Cetera. He played piano and she sang with a fabulous orchestra behind them. I’d say go see ‘em tonight… but they’re sold out again!

Note: I’m posting the video of “The Prayer”, the song David and Carol Bayer Sager wrote for Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli. Enjoy!

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RIP… Bobby Knight, longtime Basketball Coach at Indiana who died yesterday at age 83.

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Monday, President Biden signed an Executive Order designed to curb threats stemming from the rise of AI… and now we know why: A White House Spokesperson says the Prez watched Tom Cruise’s
”Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning” and got worried about Computers taking over. (True!)

- Uh oh. I heard he also watched, “The Wizard of Oz”… so look for a new Ban on Flying Houses & Scarecrows.

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Pharmacists protesting poor working conditions walked out of Walgreens and CVS stores around the country Monday.

- It would be a hard pill to swallow… if only there was someone to fill your prescription!

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Hundreds of years after the “Salem Witch Trials relatives are trying to have the women’s conviction’s overturned and their names cleared.

- Back then, the women considered “Witches” were arrested and put to death. In modern times, they’d get a TV show called, “The Real Housewives of Salem, Massachusetts”.

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The Internet is full of “Hacks”… Ways to improve your life with simple “tricks”.

For example, today I read that the best way to get your sneakers extra clean is by “Brushing Them” with White Toothpaste.

- Question: They didn’t mention it, but should I Floss the eyelet holes where the laces go too?

- I usually use Crest toothpaste (Colgate globs up too much at the tip of the tube) for my teeth - but I have a blister on my heel from trick or treating so when I clean my sneakers today… I’m gonna use Sensodyne.

- When I was growing up, I had an Aunt and Uncle named Tom & Eilah. But I always called them “Tom & Eyelet” because my Mother had told me that was the “Proper name” for the lace holes in my shoes and I figured I should use the “Proper name” for my Aunt”. What did I know? I was a kid! I was only 18!

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And then I read Hack #2:

Always eat your hamburger upside down. Why? Because the top bun - which is technically called the “Crown” - is thicker than the bottom.

- Come to think of it… That’s the exact Opposite of my Aunt Eilah.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

It’s Halloween! I’m no Genius… but being a Dad myself, I know what Trick or Treaters like and I’m here for it! In keeping with tradition, I’ll be at my front door tonight, ladle in hand, waiting to hand out a delicious scoop of fresh, hot Chunky Beef Soup to each little ghost or goblin that comes by!!! 🎃👻

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PICTURED: Me gettin’ out of bed on the first morning after retiring. Didn’t have to comb my hair that day! Pretty sharp, huh?

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Americans spent $3.7 billion on Halloween candy last year… and this year is set to go even higher. The unexpected big seller in 2023: Marshmallow Peeps.

- Not making the list again this year: Chocolate Covered Pickled Pigs Feet (Dark Chocolate - if you’re “health -conscious).

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England’s Royal Family claims “ghosts” that haunt many of the families castles and cottages make everyday seem like Halloween. Over the years, members of the family - including Camilla - claim they were terrified when they “felt” or “saw” the ghosts of former residents.

- They say it was almost as bad as their first Christmas with Meghan Markle.

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Question: What was Andy William’s Second Favorite Holiday and Why?

Answer: Halloween! Because It’s The Ghost Wonderful Time of the Year! (Bada Boom)

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Why did Yogi Bear wear a Band-Aid as his Halloween Costume?

- He wanted to go as his friend “Boo-Boo”!

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The Transportation Security Administration says marijuana was discovered in a woman's adult diaper at an airport checkpoint.

- Question: What was the woman wearing at the time? It Depends!!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow…

-Dick

Love to my high school sweetheart, first wife and mother of my six daughters, Gail, who we lost five years ago today. Miss you today and everyday…❤️

a

Matthew Perry - who played Chandler Bing on the hit sit-com “Friends” has died at just 54 from an apparent drowning in a hot tub at his California home.

Perry shot to fame in the 90’s as part of the ensemble cast that included Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Cox and the other “Friends”… but struggled with a severe addiction to alcohol and drugs that led him to more than a dozen trips to rehab and $9 MILLION spent trying to get sober.

Perry eventually did overcome his addictions - and wrote about his struggles in his book, “Friends, Lovers and the Big, Terrible Thing”.

Interesting Facts about Matthew Perry

- Many in the industry consider him a brilliant comedic actor

- He was born in Canada and went to elementary school with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau

- Dated Julia Roberts in the 1990’s - but HE broke up with HER - because he was afraid he wasn’t good enough for her.

- Although he never married, was said to “long for a wife and kids”.

- His Step-Dad is Keith Morrison (also Canadian) - host of NBC’s “Dateline”.

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VP Kamala Harris raised eyebrows on 60 Minutes Sunday night… When asked about stepping in if Biden opted not to run for re-election in 2024. She replied: 'Well, first of all, I'm not gonna engage in that hypothetical, because Joe Biden is Very Much Alive and is running for re-election”.

- Well that’s good to hear.

- Most politician like to say they’ve got the “Pulse of the Nation”… Kamala’s busy making just making sure the President has a Pulse!

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Late last night, the judge in Trump’s Election Interference Case Re-Imposed the Gag Order against him. An hour later, the former Prez tweeted that former AG Bill Barr is, “Dumb, Weak, Slow Moving, Lethargic, Gutless, and Lazy”.

- Well… 5 out of 6 ain’t bad!

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Taylor Swift broke her own Spotify record for the “Most-Streamed” Artist in a single day.

- Speaking of “Streaming”… I saw a commercial for “Flowmax” last night where a bunch of guys are kayaking down a river and they're all laughing. Maybe it’s because they all just “went” in the River like everybody else does???

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday! Halloween!

-Dick

P.S. Happy Birthday to my #3 Daughter Jill today!!!

Buzzfeed.com put out a list of costumes you should avoid this year if you want keep from offending anyone. To avoid controversy they suggest NOT dressing up like: Covid, the Covid Vaccine, Vladimir Putin, Queen Elizabeth (too soon) or President Donald Trump.

- Whoa! I got nervous for a second when I saw the word “President”! I’m going as “Mr. Belvedere” and thought my whole “TY8-7100 for a Home Improvement Date” get-up might be too-controversial.

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Speaking of Halloween… Last week, costumed boating enthusiasts in Antwerp, Belgium held their annual “Pumpkin Regatta”… an event where giant-hollowed out 2000 lb. pumpkin “kayaks” are raced down a river. The pumpkin-boats are said to be “sticky, oily, and really hard to steer”.

- But more importantly… Unlike normal Kayaks, when you're done with the Pumpkin Regatta, you can turn your boat into an awesome PIE!

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Costco is selling a 157-piece Ultimate Cookware Set of Luxury Brand “Le Creuset” for $4,499-dollars.

- I know $5000 sounds like a lot for Pots and Pans, but You're saving $59.95!! AND it comes with a FREE pancake spatula!

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With Halloween just around the corner…

What is Casper the Ghost’s favorite Christmas song?

“I Saw Mummy Kissing Santa Claus”. (Bada Boom!)

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According to a recent survey, only 24% of Gen Z (11 to 26 year olds) say they always tip their hairdresser, stylist, or barber.

Here’s a Tip for Gen Zers: Stop dying your hair pink, green, and blue and go get a job.

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A new study finds that children can be “bored into obesity,” as they eat much more when they experience boredom.

- So by this logic… we can “Excite them into Shape”???

So basically take away all the incredibly important ridiculously expensive electronic stuff that they can’t live without and go back to the Batts & Balls, Bikes & Big Wheels, Marbles, Yo-Yos & Imaginations WE had when WE were kids… And we’ll start getting Healthy kids back!!!

Worked for Us…

It’ll work for Them!

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A 60 year old Arizona woman with osteoporosis has taken up pole dancing to improve her condition. She said her Doctor told her exercise is the #1 way to increase bone mass - and dancing is a good way to work out.

- Osteoporosis at only 60! It amazing how fast you go from Break Dancing to Try-Not-To-Break-a-Hip Dancing!

- Hey… maybe Pole Dancing is something Martha, with the big square black glasses from the “Medicare Advantage” commercials that are all over TV now, should look into doing. I actually think she’s kind of cute… but the Ad runs so much, she’s starting to get on my nerves. But hey… she’s got a lot of energy. Martha must be taking “Balance of Nature”!!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

The Republicans will put up yet another candidate for Speaker of the House this afternoon… this time it’s Louisiana Rep. Mike Johnson. He’s the 4th person since Kevin McCarthy was ousted 3 weeks ago.

- There’s no rule that says the Speaker has to be a member of Congress, so if he doesn’t win… I’m gonna nominate Taylor Swift. She’s got a good voice and so much $$$, she could fund all the wars AND write a hit song about it, too!

- In every pic of her I see, she’s got her mouth WIDE open. She’s either singing or trying to catch a football from her new boyfriend.

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With mortgage rates nearing 8%, more and more “adult kids” are moving back in with their parents.

- The technical term for this within the Real Estate Community is “The Hunter Biden Effect”.

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A new Meta-Gallup survey has found that nearly 1 in 4 adults across the world have reported feeling very or fairly lonely. And it’s not just people. Apparently animals are lonely too.

For example, a scientist in Austria recently reported that,

High on a hill was a lonely goatherd

Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo

Loud was the voice of the lonely goatherd

Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo.

(Admit it… You started singing, didn’t you??)

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The next “Mission Impossible” movie has been delayed to 2025 due to the ongoing SAG-AFTRA strike.

- Apparently the “Impossible” part is getting any of the extras to show up for work.

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A 23-year-old Florida man is facing charges after police say he handed pharmacy employees a note demanding a laundry list of prescription drugs, including Viagra. The note said “I don’t want to hurt you… but if you don’t put the pills in the bag… I’ll shoot you”. Police apprehended the suspect before he was able to take any of the Viagra.

- Talk about a hardened criminal. Well, almost.

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A wedding planned for an inn in Vermont had to be relocated at the last minute when an innkeeper was arrested after he allegedly put a loaded handgun to the neck of the bride’s father.

- Usually it’s the best man who get’s loaded at the Wedding… but, whatever.

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RIP… Richard Roundtree, the actor best known for playing the title character in the 1971 movie “Shaft” has died following a short battle with Pancreatic Cancer at age 81.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

A naked selfie of Joe Biden's 69 year old brother Frank has been discovered on a gay porn site. The Prez’s younger sib admits he took the pic of himself naked - wearing only a baseball cap and glasses - in 2018. Frank sez that someone must have "hacked his phone” - even though he admitted the pic has been on the porn site for 5 YEARS.

- Move over Hunter! Looks like you’re not the only crazy Biden Family member!!

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Tabloid papers ran wild with an unsubstantiated story yesterday that Russian President Vladimir Putin had suffered a cardiac arrest in his bedroom at the Kremlin on Sunday - but was successfully recessitated with CPR.

- Time is always of the essence when it comes to CPR... Thankfully Vlad was shirtless like usual, so they didn't have to waste any time putting on the electric shock paddles.

- Ultimately doctors determined that Vlad didn’t actually have a Heart Attack… since he doesn’t actually have a Heart.

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Spirit Airlines canceled about 100 flights this weekend after pulling some planes out of service for unexplained “Inspections”. A company spokesperson says they expect the resulting delays to last for several days.

- Call me crazy… but doesn’t this happen every year after Spirit Hosts it’s “Pilot’s Appreciation Weekend” in Vegas??

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Tropical Storm Norma weakened to become a tropical depression after strengthening slightly and dumping heavy rain as it moved into the Mexican mainland.

- Then Norma did something crazy by today’s standards… It STAYED IN MEXICO!!!!

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According to a recent survey, nearly half of U.S. adults under the age of 50 say they wish there were more than two political parties to vote for.

- Well why not? Some of the crazies tell us there are 87 different genders… the least we can do is have a half dozen Political Parties to choose from.

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A new scientific paper out of Geneva University in Switzerland claims that nearly half of patients in a recent study reported changes in their behavior and values after receiving blood transfusions and/or organ transplants. The results have some researchers questioning whether blood and tissue can carry "personality traits" from one person to another.

- I believe it. I knew a guy who got blood transfusion from his mother-in-law. Now he spends all his time telling himself he's not good enough to be married to his mother-in-law’s daughter.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

This morning, a Jet Blue plane TIPPEDS BACKWARDS while parked at the gate at JFK “due to a shift in weight and balance” causing the nose of the plane to lift up and then go back down.

- Btw… Chris Christie was sitting in the Back Row… Nice to see at least one Politician who still flys Commercial !!!

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In YESTERDAY’s embarrassing news…

Did you see the Lions Game???

- The last time the Lions played that badly was back in 2008 when they went 0-16 for the year. I thought the days of fans pulling their hats and bags down and watching the game through the eye holes were over!

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Michigan State is apologizing after an image of Adolf Hitler appeared on a Spartan Stadium video board Saturday night before the game against Michigan… alongside a trivia question answer about his birthplace. MSU said the scoreboard content came from a third-party source and that the school will no longer use that company and will update its screening procedures.

- They might also want to make sure the Professors in their History Department are up to speed, too. (These days… you never know!)

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Question: Are you sick of all the pics and stories about Taylor Swift and her new boyfriend, KC Chief’s player Travis Kelce??

- TMI… TMI… !!!

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The world's oldest dog - a pup named “Bobi” has died at the age of 31. Bobi’s owner says his “perfect pup” was born in an outhouse and not expected to live… but was scrappy, lived on “People food” and never spent a minute on a leash.

- Let’s see… Bobi was 31 in Human years. And supposedly each Human year counts for 7 in Dog life… So Bob would have been 217 Years old if he was a Human! That’s amazing! And what’s even more amazing… If he was still alive, he could run for President!!

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Amazon is upping its delivery game… this time by introducing a new fleet of Delivery Drones that will deliver packages weighing up to 5 lbs. through light rain in UNDER AN HOUR.

- Wait… Does it HAVE to be RAINING??? What if I order something that weighs less than 5 lbs. and it’s Sunny out? Can I still get it?

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

I

Dolly Parton says she’s sleeps in her make-up… because “You never know what’s going to happen in the middle of the night”.

- This is exactly why I always comb my mustache before I go to bed. I wanna look good the next morning.

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New research suggests the winter months may promote healthier eating habits.

- Let’s see… We’ve got Halloween Candy, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Pumpkin-Spiced EVERYTHING... Sure, let’s go with “Healthier”.

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A Japanese company says Artificial Intelligence software proves that Russian President Vladimir Putin DOES use a body double at public appearances amid rumors of health problems. They claim the REAL Putin hosted the country’s Victory Day Parade in May, but that some of the other “Vlads” are only a 40% match to the real Putin on Facial Recognition Software.

- I had a body double for a while back in 80’s… I wonder what ever happened to him?? His name was George Clooney…

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77 year old Cher has once again threatened to leave the US if Donald Trump wins the Election, tweeting “I almost got an ulcer the last time… This time I will leave the country”.

- Promise???

- Something tells me she’ll end up staying and making money off it… I can hear it now… “Gypsies, TRUMP & Thieves”.

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A recent survey finds that Sexual Satisfaction among older adults may delay or even prevent Memory Loss and Cognitive Decline.

- But even if Sexual Satisfaction DOESN’T help prevent cognitive decline… you’ll be in a MUCH better mood about it.

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A Louisiana couple recently welcomed "Spontaneous Triplets" – Triplets that were conceived naturally without the use of fertility drugs. Spontaneous Triplets are a rare occurrence that happens in only 1 out of every 1 MILLION to 200 MILLION pregnancies. 


- Wow. What are the odds?? Kinda like having 6 Girls and NO Boys! Oh, wait a minute… That’s what happened to me and my wife!

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An Arkansas man was arrested and changed with Public Indecency after police found him in a parked car romancing… a stuffed animal.

- The police didn’t divulge which stuffed animal it was… but if I had to guess, I’d go with “Tickle Me Elmo”.

- Hey… It could have been worse. He could have been caught with Bert & Ernie.

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RIP… Character actor Burt Young… who was nominated for an Oscar for his role as “Paulie” in the Rocky movies - and was a former boxer himself… has died at age 83. No cause of death was given.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

A new report shows that American voters increasingly think both President Biden and his son did something illegal when it comes to Hunter’s foreign business dealings.

- Gosh… With TWO wars going on simultaneously, I almost forgot about the Biden Family Financial Corruption Investigations!!

- Not to mention Trump’s legal problems.

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A School District is South Dakota sent out an email reminding parents that they won't be celebrating Halloween at school due to "Diversity and Inclusion" of all students... but will be celebrating with a slew of LGBQT + Classroom Activities during Pride Month.

- Here's a tip: If your kid REALLY, REALLY wants to wear a Halloween costume to school... just have 'em dress up as a Drag Queen!

- Heck... they can probably even borrow the costume from their teacher!

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India says it plans to send an astronaut to the Moon by 2040 - that on the heels of US plans to return to the the Lunar surface in 2025 and China - who says it will land it's "citizens" on the Moon by 2030.

- And I'm just trying to get a flight next Spring that doesn't have three layovers and cost ten thousand dollars.

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According to a new survey, Americans say building savings for an emergency and paying monthly bills are just as stressful as saving enough for retirement.

- Look on the bright side! The way things are going... you may never be able to afford to retire so you don't need to worry about saving for it!

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StudyFinds.com has compiled the best Halloween celebrations in the U.S. and the “Village Halloween Parade” New York City came in number one. Thousands of people take to the streets, drinking and carousing in multi-colored wigs and bizarre outfits.

- Isn’t that what they do EVERY NIGHT in New York???

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According to the latest data the new iPhone 15 is selling worse among young people in China than its predecessor the iPhone 14.

- Looks like the kids in China are learning an important lesson early: Don't Bring Your Work Home With You!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick