Mark Zuckerberg lost $71 BILLION last week as shares of Meta (formerly Facebook) tumbled leaving him with “just” $56 BILLION.

- Money's so tight... He was going to buy himself a country, but now he's waiting to get a better deal on Groupon.

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Nancy Pelosi was loudly booed during an appearance at the Global Citizens concert in NYC over the weekend which she attended with her husband Paul - their first public outing together since his arrest for DUI.

- Nancy got BOOED. He husband Paul got BOOZED.

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91-year-old James Earl Jones has announced that he will no longer be voicing Darth Vader in any new “Star Wars” movies.

- "Luke... I am retired".

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President Biden surprised Elton John by awarded him with the National Humanities Medal during a concert by sir Elton on the White House lawn over the weekend.

- Elton sang “I'm Still Standing"... and Joe jumped up and said, "So am I !!!"

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A record-breaking number of New York residents traded their driver’s licenses for Florida last month.

- They may have to drive behind a guy with his left blinker on for the rest of their lives… but at least they’ll actually be ALIVE.

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Stanford scientists say that it’s more costly to charge your electric car at night and it could stress out your local electric grid.

- I'm gonna be honest. I have a hard time remembering to plug my PHONE in at night. Wait til I have to start trying to remember where I put the cord to charge the CAR.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Please join me tomorrow, Saturday September 24th as we kick off the Northridge Food Drive to help local families in need at Busch’s Market in Plymouth! I’ll be there with the team from Northridge from 9am to 3pm collecting much needed food items that will help our friends and neighbors as we head into the Holidays!

Busch’s Market is located at the Southwest corner of Sheldon Road and 5 Mile… and there are lots of ways you can give!

• Get your own shopping done and pick up items to donate at the same time!

• Purchase a prepackaged breakfast or dinner box for a family by simply texting “FoodDrive” to 31616 for a link to purchase!

• Bring extras from your own pantry

With inflation the highest it’s been in 40 years… more and more people are struggling to put food on the table for themselves and their families. The Northridge Food Drive is a great, easy way to help!

Please stop by tomorrow - Saturday, September 24 from 9am to 3pm, say hello, and DONATE some canned or boxed Food items!!

As always, thanks so much for your support!

-Dick

Today is the Autumnal Equinox… with Fall officially arriving at 9:04pm tonight. And that can only mean one thing!!! Only 179 days until Spring!!!

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In honor of it’s 100th Birthday next year, the landmark Hollywood sign in Los Angeles is getting a paint job.

- Well Hooray for Hollywood.

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A diversity and inclusion training by the United States Air Force Academy in Colorado instructs cadets to use words that "include all genders" like “Parent” or “Caregiver”… and to refrain from saying things like "Mom" and "Dad."

- What’s next?? Ask them not to use terms like “War”?? Maybe they should use a more “Inclusive” term like “Non-Peace Related Activity”.

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New York Governor Kathy Hochul put criminals on notice that she’s adding more cameras on the subway.

- It’s not going to do anything to STOP crime… but it will provide some great shots for the new show “America’s Funniest Subway Shooting Videos”.

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According to a new poll, the average coffee drinker absolutely refuses to pay more than $3-dollars for a regular-sized coffee.

- Apparently the “Average Coffee Drinker” has never been to Starbucks.

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The cosmetic product company “Native” now has a pumpkin spice deodorant.

- Which is perfect for people who want to go into the world with the confidence that they smell like like a freshly baked muffin.

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Researchers from Johns Hopkins University say students who feel like their school is “a prison” are more likely to have lower test scores and not attend college.

- They’re also more likely to sharpen their pencils into shivs, lift weights during recess, and get involved in a “Cigarettes-for-Grades” program with their teachers.

- Ironically, these days kids spend more time in school than most criminals spend in jail.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

A brothel in Australia has seen a big uptick in business since they started offering a “Lunch Special” on Facebook which includes a hot meal and “A quickie” all for just $100 US dollars.

- Wow. That’s a lot of bang for your buck.

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The chief operating officer of Beyond Meat was arrested for allegedly biting a man's nose in a parking garage after the Arkansas-Missouri State football game.

- Twenty bucks says the guys nose tastes better than one of those fake burgers.

- Oh sure... biting someone's nose sounds funny, but it's snot.

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NOTE: If you’re out of town or haven’t been able to see the PBS Documentary, “Detroit Remember When: A Tribute to Dick Purtan”… that ran last Thursday night, we’ll tell you how at the end of this blog!!! Stay tuned!!!

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A Top Russian aviation scientist has died after “Falling down SEVERAL FLIGHTS OF STAIRS” at a Moscow institute linked to Vladimir Putin's defence ministry - the latest in a growing line of officials seen as a threat to Putin’s power who have died under “Mysterious Circumstances”.

- How do you accidentally fall down SEVERAL flights of stairs?? You fall down one... get up, brush yourself off... and ACCIDENTALLY fall down ANOTHER ONE???

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Speaking of Vlad... this morning the Russian leader announced that he's calling up 300,000 new soldiers for the war against Ukraine and is threatening to use Nuclear Weapons - a move he says is "Not a Bluff".

- Well I hope he waits until after the midterms! I'm curious to see how things are gonna turn out!

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According to a new study in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, there are at least 20 QUADRILLION ANTS roaming the Earth at any given moment.

- Just a little something to think about when you’re laying in bed tonight and you get that random little itch on your leg that you scratch and then it moves to your head and you start wondering if there’s something in bed with you.

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President Biden shocked his own Medical experts by going on 60 Minutes Sunday and announcing that the Pandemic "Is Over".

- I'm not going to believe it until he orders all the flags to fly at half MASK.

And finally… Regarding the documentary, just click on the photo and it will take you directly to the right page on the DPTV.org website where you can watch the 60 minute program!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Jackie here! Well… it’s arrived!!! Tonight from 9 to 11pm, Detroit Public Television Presents Detroit Remembers: A Tribute to Dick Purtan (My Dad!!!). This incredible documentary follows my Dad’s 45+ year Detroit Radio Career… and features interviews with my sisters and me, cast members of Purtan’s People, Tim Allen, Ted Koppel, etc… and of course, Dad himself.

Plus… You’ll hear classic Put-On Calls, bits from the show, how Dad brought the Beatles to Cincinnati on their first American tour and behind-the-scenes stories about his life both in front of - and behind - the microphone. From his incredible Charity work to the way he helped us through the shock and disbelief of 9/11… it’s all there. And from what they tell me… You’ll even find out where the idea for that Mustache came from! (And to think I thought he was born with it!)

From the bottom of my heart… I couldn’t love my Dad more… or be any prouder of him!!! On behalf of all my sisters and myself, I invite you to join us tonight for this remarkable look at a remarkable life!!!

Detroit Remember When: A Tribute to Dick Purtan

9-11pm DPTV, Channel 56 (check your local listing) and streaming locally @ DPTV.org

The broadcast event will repeat on Friday at 8:00 pm

SPECIAL NOTE: For those of you who live out of town… the Documentary will be available on Video on Demand at DPTV.org in the coming days. I will post a link here as soon as it’s up!!!

Thanks so much… have a great day… and I hope to “see you” tonight from 9 to 11pm on Detroit Public TV!

-Jackie

As promised… Today I want to let you know about something really exciting happening this Thursday night, September 15th!

About a year ago… the fine folks at Detroit Public TV came to me with a proposal: They wanted to produce a documentary about… wait for it… Yours Truly. Or more specifically… my 45 year radio career here in Detroit. To be honest, I wasn’t sure anyone would be that interested, but I was nonetheless flattered and agreed.

I spent about three hours one afternoon being interviewed on camera in my living room… but other than that, I left the “storytelling” to the filmmakers. They talked to my daughters, friends, and members of the morning show… tracked down archival footage, curated a remarkable collection of old photos, and went through hundreds of hours of reel-to-reel tapes of my old shows for this two hour long documentary.

And I think you’ll recognize the Narrator’s voice… Yes, that’s Big Al… In fact, just click on the arrow in the middle of the pic of my face (lol) to hear an interview he did with JJ Johnson and my daughter, JoAnne on Oldies 104.3 WOMC yesterday morning for more about the special!!!

NOTE: In the interest of full-disclosure… I haven’t seen the whole thing yet. They offered to show me a “Rough Cut” last week… but I figured it would be fun to watch it along with everyone else on Thursday night!

Speaking of which… Here are the details:

Detroit Remember When: A Tribute to Dick Purtan

Thursday, Sept, 15 9-11pm

Detroit PBS Channel 56 on Broadcast… and Streaming locally at dptv.org

I hope you’ll join me in this look back at my life and the show - both on and off the mic, up and down the radio dial through the years. But remember… I haven’t seen it yet! So DON’T TELL ME HOW IT ENDS!!

Have a great day… and don’t forget to tune-in Thursday night from 9 to 11 on your local PBS Television Station!

-Dick

What a somber weekend. Yesterday, we marked the 21st Anniversary of the horrific attacks of 9/11. Though the smoke has cleared and the rubble long since swept away, the shock, confusion, disbelief, pain, and unimaginable grief we first felt on that cool September morning are always just below the surface.

While we must never forget what happened to us and our country that day… the lives lost and our very way of life under attack, we must also never forget how we came together as Americans in the aftermath. There was no “Dem” or “Rep”, “Me” or “You”, …. It was “Us”.

We owe it to those who lost their lives, to our country, to each other and to ourselves to get that Spirit back!

Plus…. the United Kingdom and the World continues to Mourn the Death of Queen Elizabeth II who died Friday at the age of 96 after 70 years as the British Monarch. She will be laid to rest on Monday, September 19th, one week from today.

*****

On a lighter note…

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A recent survey finds that the top things couples bicker about include leaving the toilet seat up and leaving the lights on.

- Or is it the other way around??

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New research has found that feelings of happiness last longer after your favorite sports team wins, than it does when you hear your partner say “I love you.”

- And if your a Lions fan and you want to feel happy, your spouse has to say “I Love You” constantly during the fourth quarter of EVERY game.

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A Florida man says he found a large snake hitching a ride on his windshield while driving home.

- What? He’s never heard of a Windshield Viper??

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow with some REALLY BIG NEWS about something very special coming up this Thursday night!!! Stay tuned…

-Dick

96 year old Queen Elizabeth II is said to be in the final stages of life and is under “medical supervision” at Balmoral Castle, her beloved home in Scotland. Members of the Royal Family have rushed to her side. More details as they become available.

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In other news…

Federal Health Officials said that Americans will likely need to get a single COVID shot EVERY YEAR as a “routine part of our lives”… with the WH Doctor saying, “I really believe this is why God gave us two arms… one for the flu shot… and the other one for the COVID shot”.

- And might I point out that God also gave us two Middle fingers.

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White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre is being criticized after she accidentally called Russia’s Nord Stream 1 pipeline “Nordstrom” — as in the department store.

- Karine complained that Conservatives are “Always putting a TARGET on my back”.

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According to new research, parents who reward children with food risk their kids becoming “emotional eaters” who use food to regulate their feelings.

- Maybe my parents did that to me! When I feel hungry… I eat. When I feel full… I stop.

*****

A Florida driver was spotted with a 10-foot dead alligator tied to the back of a Jeep SUV this weekend.

- Most Florida Gator fans go with a Bumper Sticker but, hey… whatever works.

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Kim Kardashian now says that she wants to be in a Marvel Super Hero Movie.

- Kim would make a great Superheroine! How about Wonder Woman… as in… “I Wonder why that Woman is in the news Everyday???”

- And come to think of it we’ve got Spiderman, Thor, and Captain America… Kim would be the perfect “Butt-Girl” !!!

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Tom Hanks wife Rita Wilson was caught on camera crying while having dinner with husband Tom and their 32 year old son Chet Hanks at a restaurant in Malibu. Chet - who is a 32 year old heavily tattooed wanna-be-rapper who has struggled with drug addition - has said that his dad is “Not a good male role model”.

- You know… Having kids is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Hillary Clinton says she started wearing her famous pantsuits after photogs took “suggestive” photos of her during an official trip to Brazil 30 years ago - where her legs weren’t totally together — that ended up being used in lingerie ads.

- If they ever do a “Basic Instinct” remake… Hillary would be PERFECT in one of her Pantsuits!!

The most memorable part of the infamous scene for me was that Wayne Knight, who played Newman on “Seinfeld” played one of the interrogators (True!!!) .

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A man was caught on camera sneaking into the dressing room of the “Laugh Factory” Comedy Club in Vegas, stealing a magician's costume, and performed a trick.

- Luckily, the Police caught the impromptu “Magician”, put him in handcuffs and made HIM disappear.

*****

Rumor in DC has it that Nancy Pelosi has asked Prez Biden to be named Ambassador to Italy if the Democrats lose the House in November and she has to hand over the Speaker's gavel. The cushy Ambassador's Villa in Rome boasts a pool, private gardens and a three-story wine cellar.

- All she needs is a driver for her husband, Paul and she'll be all set!

*****

Russia is allegedly so desperate for soldiers, they’re offering cash bonuses to patients at a Russian Mental Hospital to join the fight against Ukraine.

- They may be sick… but they’re not Crazy!!

*****

A drug-sniffing dog led police at an Italian airport to find approximately 30 pounds of cocaine stuffed into a motorized wheelchair. The so-called “Handicapped” man in the chair immediately stood up and was arrested.

- Well I hope they let him go!!! I mean…. IT’S A MIRACLE!!!! He can walk!!!!

*****

Security video caught three thieves breaking into a locked car with the intention of car jacking the vehicle… but they didn’t count on the two naked people they found having sex in the back seat. Undeterred, they tossed the naked duo onto the sidewalk and made off with the car.

- Well, at least somebody in the story got a happy ending.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Have a Safe, Happy & Healthy Holiday!

We’ll see you back here tomorrow!

-Dick

According to a new survey, 1 in 3 people would dump a dating partner who eats in bed.

- The technical name for the dates they dump is “Pigs in a Blanket”.

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Former President Bill Clinton and sex therapist Dr. Ruth were spotted sitting together, talking and laughing at the U.S. Open in Flushing, Queens.

- Gee… I wonder what they talked about??

- There hasn’t been a couple with that much combined sexual knowledge since Masters & Johnson.

*****

Elon Muskl took to Twitter to warn his 104 million followers of what he sees as a looming threat to humanity. Under a drawing of an asteroid hitting Earth and wiping out the dinosaurs he wrote: “This will happen again - Just a matter of time”.

- Well I sure hope it’s not until later next week…. I’ve got plans for the Holiday weekend.

*****

Movie tickets across the U.S. will cost just $3 on Saturday in celebration of National Cinema Day.

- Which is great news if going to a $3 movie is on your Popcorn Bucket List.

*****

Chris Rock told a Phoenix comedy show audience that he was asked to host the 2023 Oscars but declined the opportunity.

- The Academy said it came as a real slap in the face.

*****

A new study indicates that even male dolphins need “Wingmen” to secure the interest of potential female mates.

- The friend gets the girls attention, so the interested Dolphin can Flipper his number.

- Huh. I thought Dolphins meet their dates on Plentyofish.com… And then invite them over for drinks at their Bachelor Pods. (Ba da Boom!)

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

According to a new poll, 1/3 of pet parents have more photos of their furry friends on their phones than of their kids or significant other - with the average owner taking more than 400 pics of their pet every year.

- Some dogs even take pictures of THEMSELVES on their owners phones. One lady said her dog took over 500 "SHELTIES".

*****

Colin Kaaperknick’s fiancé has given birth to the couples first child!

- The Baby is said to have it’s Mom’s Eyes and Mouth… and Dad’s Knees.

*****

The Biden administration announced it will nominate an ambassador-at-large for the Arctic, raising the profile of American policymaking for the region.

- I thought we already had a whole team of ambassadors-at-large in the Arctic… Santa Claus… Frosty the Snowman… Christmas Carol… Rudolph.

*****

Rocker Ozzy Osbourne says he and his wife Sharon are packing up their family and moving back to England because he is "Fed up with people getting killed every day" in America.

- He might bite the head off bats… but he’s got a point.

- So THEY get Ozzy Osbourne back and we have to KEEP Meghan Markle?? That doesn’t seem fair.

*****

Forget about a kiss on the cheek… Google program manager Devon Loucks reportedly gives his “First Dates” an “Online Exit Survey” so they can rate his performance.

- He's brave. Men don't usually like to hear the words "Rate" and "Performance" in the same sentence. (Or so I’ve been told…)

*****

Authorities in Catalonia, Spain are now urging women to swim topless to fight gender discrimination.

- So the Rain in Spain Stays Mainly on the Plain… But the Spanish Chest, Is Best Left UN-Dressed.

- Now this is the kind of movement us men can get behind. Or should I say… In FRONT of.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

According to “industry insiders”, the upcoming live-action “Barbie” movie is having an effect on real life interior design - with home owners opting for Pink Walls, Frilly Bedspreads, and “Pastel Sheepskin Accents” in an attempt to create their own “Malibu Dreamhouse”.

- Did we learn NOTHING from the 70’s??

- I’d like to look like “Ken” too… but I asked my daughters and they told me he’s missing a few “key” parts of which I wasn’t aware.

*****

Yesterday, President Biden announced a massive “Student Loan Forgiveness” program that will “Forgive” up to $20,000 in Student Loan Debt per student… which according to new figures released this morning - will cost taxpayers upwards of $500 BILLION.

- For those of you who aren’t good at math… let me put this in perspective: $500 BILLION is a whole $%^# ton of money.

*****

A man in Italy tested positive for COVID, Monkeypox and HIV all in one day… becoming the first person on record to have all three ailments at the same time.

- The last person to get three viruses in one day was Madonna… and that was only last Thursday.

*****

Virginia school district requires all teachers to complete a training program that says that children of all ages - INCLUDING PRE-SCHOOL - can request to be addressed by different names and pronouns WITHOUT their parents' permission.

- If this rule had been in place when I was in Pre-School… my teacher would have had to call me “Mr. Superman-Bus Driver-Soldier-Disc Jockey-Bazooka Bubble Gum-Boy” .

*****

A new study is urging people over the age of 85 to start walking for at least ten minutes every day in order to live even longer.

- Reminds me of the old joke… “My Grandmother started walking two miles everyday when she turned 60. Now she’s 83 and we have no idea where she is”.

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Eight-year-old Emmitt Bailey beat out 688 other contestants to take home this year's "USA Mullet Championship". The little boy has been working on his "do" since he was six and plans to spend his $2500 prize on a go-cart.

- And... hopefully... a Haircut.

*****

Police discovered more than 400 pounds of Cocaine that had been shipped into Australia by a Mexican drug cartel.

- It was sent to the home of some Coke addicted Kangaroos who Police said, when they arrived, were "Totally hopped up on the stuff".

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On Monday, a 52 year old man pleaded guilty to robbing the Dearborn Federal Savings Bank at gunpoint back in March… and then hiding out in a Porta-Potty where he was eventually apprehended by Police.

- I’m not usually one for “Soft-on-Crime” policies but this guy hid out in a PORTA-POTTY?? I say give him TIME-SERVED!!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

It’s National Can Opener Day!! Which can mean only one thing… Dickie is having Spaghetti-Oh’s for lunch!

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Sylvester Stallone and his wife Jennifer Flavin are calling it quits after 25 years of marriage… just weeks after he had the tattoo of her face on his arm removed and replaced with a new tattoo of his deceased dog, “Butkus”.

- Wasn’t Butkus a Roman Emperor?? Sure, there was Tiberius, Caesar, Augustus, Nero, Marcus Aurelius, Dick Butkus…

- He may not have been that great an Emperor, but he was the best player on the Roman Football Team!! He packed the Colluseum every Sunday and they ALWAYS beat the Lions!!!

*****

According to a new study, children who skip breakfast are more likely to exhibit behavioral problems.

- But teachers say that kids who start the day with a bowl of Frosted Flakes tend to show up to school with an attitude that’s “Grrrrrrrreat”.

*****

A new study conducted by the University of Michigan for the National Institutes of Health found that 43% of 19 -22 year olds smoked cannabis at some point last year.

- I’m sure that comes as great news to all the parents who just wrote a big fat tuition check and dropped their kids off for their first week of the new semester at college!!!

*****

California Governor Gavin Newsom VETOED a state bill that would allow Los Angeles, Oakland, and San Francisco to open legal drug injection sites where drug addicts could shoot up in public saying it may lead to “unintended consequences”.

- You know… “Unintended consequences” like say, drug addicts shooting up in public.

*****

According to a new study, obsessively watching the news can make you mentally and physically sick… and 1 in 6 Americans suffer from a “Severely problematic” news addiction that leaves them in a constant state of high alert leaving them feeling powerless, in danger, and unable to sleep.

- I miss the good old days when we didn’t tune in to the news for the NEWS…. We tuned in to hear Bill Bonds challenge Coleman Young to a boxing match!!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Dr. Fauci announced that he'll step down as President Biden's Chief Medical Advisor in December.

- He hasn't said what he'll do next... but maybe he could be Marvel’s next Superhero!!! He’s already got the Mask!!!

- But don’t look for him to be leaping over any tall buildings… he’s pretty short.

*****

A Professor at Azabu University in Japan has determined that dogs actually get tears in their eyes after being reunited with their owners - IF they’ve been separated for 7 hours or more.

- Did they consider that if Rover's owner hasn't been home in 7 hours... maybe he has tears in his eyes because he has to go to the bathroom so bad??

*****

A video has gone viral of a fan at a Yankee’s game enjoying his “Stadium Snacks” in a rather unusual way… He takes his hot dog out of the bun… then sticks it in his beer and uses it as a straw.

- How much you wanna bet that wasn't the FIRST beer he'd had during the game??

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There’s a new job on Hollywood movie sets… “Intimacy Coordinators”. They’re described as “similar to stunt coordinators” but are there to “help set movements” so "things go smoothly" during nude and/or sex scenes.

- In my day, the “Intimacy Coordinator” was your Mother or Father - depending if you were a boy or a girl. For example, in the movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” there was a line I’ll never forget. It was the mother of the bride giving advice to her daughter as she prepared for the wedding and the “Wedding Night”. She gestured from her head to her toes and said simply, “Shave everything!”

*****

New research warns that modern pesticides are leaving bees’ brains “buzzed.”

- In fact - just one spray of weed killer has the same effect as a bee drinking two Vodka Stingers.

*****

Two pilots are believed to have put their Ethiopian Airlines plane on autopilot and fallen asleep when they missed their landing during a flight from Sudan to Ethiopia last week.

- By the time they woke up, they were literally between Iraq and a Hard Place.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

I rode in the Woodward Dream Cruise on Saturday… Had a great time in the Salvation Army “Bed & Bread Club Truck” - that’s part of the program that feeds thousands of Men, Women and Kids in our community everyday! NOTE: The pic is of a miniature replica… These days, I have a little more grey in my stash!

*****

According to a new Poll, nearly 75% of Americans think the US is headed in the WRONG direction, and more than half worry the country's best years are in the past.

- But other than that…. Happy Monday!!!

*****

Dennis Rodman says he “Got permission” to go to Russia this week to try and help work out a prison-swap for WNBA player Britney Griner who is serving a 9 year sentence for a drug offense.

- Just a thought… Dennis dated Madonna, right? Maybe he could introduce her to Vladimir Putin!!! It might not distract VLAD enough to stop the war in Ukraine… but maybe it would distract MADONNA enough that she’d stop posting naked photos of herself on the internet!!! (Please!!!)

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THIS JUST IN… New research out of Great Britain found that working from home during the Pandemic has led to a major rise in addiction to porn — with the number of people saying they watch UP TO 14 HOURS OF PORN A DAY DOUBLING since 2019.

- And to think I feel guilty when I wasted an hour playing Wordle.

- And the amount of time goes WAY UP if you factor in Jeffrey Toobin.

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What do you do the day after you’ve been accused of inappropriately touching three women during a meet-and-greet at a horror movie convention? Well if you’re 78 year old actor Gary Busey, you go to a park in California, pull down your pants… and then smoke a cigar.

- Hey… at least he wasn’t working from home watching porn!

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A 42 year old woman is crediting her 7 year old cat Billy with saving her life after she suffered a heart attack while sleeping. She says she only woke up when the cat jumped on her chest and began meowing and realized she could barely breath and needed needed to get to the hospital. Both Mom and Cat are doing fine.

- That’s a great story! But I still don’t like cats.

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RIP… Virginia Patton Moss… who played George Bailey’s brother Harry’s wife Ruth Bailey, and was the final surviving adult cast member of Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life” has died. Moss appeared in several films, but spent most of her life living quietly in Ann Arbor with her husband and family. She was 97.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

As part of their “Zero Covid” Policy, China has begun testing not only fisherman as they return to shore… but also the fish they come back with… swabbing the mouths of the fish before they can go to market.

- Why don’t they put the swab up the fishes Nose like they do with us??

*****

We’ve heard that listening to music can help manage pain - well it turns out, getting to pick WHICH SONGS you listen to is essential to optimizing those pain-relieving benefits.

- I don’t know about DECREASING pain… but I know of two songs that can put me IN PAIN… “Loving You” by Minnie Ripperton, and “Midnight at the Oasis” by Maria Muldaur!!

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Variety Mag says the budget for the new “Joker” movie had to be doubled. Why?? Because it’s being turned into a Musical.

- Seriously?? I think “Riddler on the Roof” would stand a chance… but a musical “Joker” sounds pretty “Mediocre”.

- They remade the CLASSIC “West Side Story” and it tanked. What are the chances of a “Blockbuster” about two guys dancing around in capes solving crimes??

*****

According to new research, the modern person leaves behind an online trail of 9,828 photos, 10,811 social media posts, and 126 email addresses over their entire life.

- 126 email addresses?? I’ve got ONE and I haven’t checked it in two weeks because I can’t remember the password. (Unfortunately… I emailed it to myself).

*****

A monkey at a zoo in California found one of the Zookeepers cell phones and called 9-1-1.

- Actually that was his second call. The first was to a construction company to get some improvements done on the Monkey House. He just called “Tyler-APE 7100 for a Home Improvement Date”.

*****

A trucker was sentenced to four years in prison for smuggling more than $2.5-million-dollars of meth from the U.S. into Canada.

- Why didn’t he just drive it from Canada into the US?? We would have just let him go!!

*****

Citing “Customer Demand” Sonic Drive-Ins have brought back their “Pickle Juice Slush” - the fluorescent green beverage that combines the saltiness of a dill pickle with other sweet and tart juice flavors.

- Yum.

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A new survey finds a record-high number of registered voters think life for the next generation of Americans will be worse than it is today.

- Exhibit A: The return of the Pickle Juice Slush.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

The Virginia Department of Education is reportedly considering eliminating the phrase “Father of Our Country” when describing George Washington.

- Why?? Is it because he had no children (True) or maybe he “identified” back then as the MOTHER of our Country?? Did someone find lipstick on one of George’s wooden teeth??

- What about “Non-Birthing Parent of Our Country”?? Wait a minute… George wore a powdered wig!! Maybe he was TRANS!

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Former President Trump on the one-year anniversary of the Taliban’s takeover of Afghanistan is now calling the power grab "the most embarrassing, incompetent, and humiliating event in the history of the United States."

- Second, only to when Billy Carter was caught peeing on an airport runway back in the 70’s. Ah… the good old days.

*****

Liz Cheney lost her bid for re-election to the House of Representatives from Wyoming last night by a margin of over 30% but vowed to continue her fight to keep Donald Trump out of the Oval Office — hinting she may run for President herself.

- She’s already got a slogan: Make Hating Trump Great Again!

*****

A video has gone Viral of a Canadian Politician who accidentally swallowed a Bee in the middle of a live TV press briefing.

- He looked pretty uncomfortable... but it still not as bad as the stuff the Politicians make the rest of us swallow every day.

*****

Madonna celebrated her 64th Birthday yesterday by posting a video of herself French kissing two girlfriends in the backseat of a car.

- Hard to believe... but only one more year and Madonna will be eligible for MEDI-KINK Part B.

*****

Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla disclosed that he has tested positive for COVID-19… even after receiving four doses of his company’s vaccine.

- Think about that for a minute. That's like the owner of a Condom Company announcing that he's expecting his fourth "Ooops" baby.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

A father and son recently caught a rare, bright blue lobster while fishing off the southern coast of Maine... The odds of catching a blue lobster are 1 in 2 million, according to the University of Maine Lobster Institute.

- The father and son were shocked. And the butter looked drawn.

They say they have no plans to eat the rare crustacean, but will keep it in a tank at a local restaurant called “Becky’s Diner”.

- Well it isn’t going to the “Red Lobster” that’s for sure.

*****

Harry and Meghan are headed back to England later this month for some “Charity work” but a source close to the couple says they have “No plans” to spend time with Wiliam and Kate while they’re in town.

- Which should work out great since I’m pretty sure William and Kate have “No plans” to have them over.

*****

First Lady Jill Biden says she’s experiencing “mild cold-like symptoms” after testing postive for COVID this morning… with some worrying she may have exposed Hunter Biden’s wife to the virus when they went shopping together yesterday.

- I’m thinking COVID comes in pretty low on the list of dangerous viruses she’s been exposed to since she married Hunter.

*****

CBS is taking heat for a report that blamed “Climate Change - specifically warmer temperatures for making kids more inactive and more obese”… with critics saying it’s phones and computers - not hot weather that keeps kids from playing outside.

- Things sure have changed. In my day, we stayed outside playing until the street lights came on. Now, kids won’t go outside until the light on their charger card goes out and they have to go to the store to buy a new one.

*****

According to a recent poll, about 3 in 4 patients keep a “mental scorecard” of everything they like and dislike about their doctor’s office.

- Well there’s not much else to do when your stuck in the waiting room for three hours with nothing but a copy of People Magazine from 1997.

*****

Russian President Vladimir Putin sent a letter to North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un on Monday promising to expand cooperation between the two countries.

- Reportedly Lil Kim was nervous to open it… as he was afraid Putin was upset with him, and had sent him a “Dear Jong” letter. (Ba da BOOM! Literally!💥)

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

A new found that eating a BOWL OF GRAPES a day can potentially add 5 years to your life and can “undo” the damage of eating junk food.

- After looking at that picture, I’m hungry for a Peanut Butter and Grape Sandwich! The article didn’t say what KIND of Grapes… but I think I’ll go with Seedless. That way, I won’t have to spit out a seed after every bite.

- It will also cut down on confusion since I plan on using Chunky Peanut Butter!

*****

Nancy Pelosi said Republicans who opposed the Inflation Reduction Act voted against "Mother Earth”… adding, “Mother Earth gets angry from time to time, and this will help us address all of that”.

- Well you know what they say… “If Mother Earth ain’t happy… ain’t NOBODY happy”.

*****

Hundreds of shoppers at an IKEA store in Shanghai, China rushed for the exits to get out before the store went into an emergency lockdown after a case of COVID was reported.

- Maybe they won't even notice that they’re locked in… I went to IKEA once and couldn’t find the exit for three days.

*****

The WHO (World Health Organization) says they are still trying to come up with a new name for “Monkeypox” that will “Not cause offense to any cultural, social, national, regional, professional, ethnic group… or monkey”.

- This is getting out of hand. Even Curious George is wondering what the big deal is.

*****

Elizabeth Warren said the other day that people come up to her all the time and say “they’d vote for me for President if only I had……….. a Penis”. (True story)

- Just when I thought she was trying to move past that whole “Totem Pole” thing.

- Seriously though, How do we know if she does or doesn’t??

*****

Longtime CNN Legal Analyst Jeffrey Toobin announced that he’s leaving the network.

- Well… we know it’s NOT for the same reason Elizabeth Warren hasn’t become President.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick