Last nights Super Blue Moon… - “Super” because the moon is closest to the Earth in it’s orbit making it look 14% bigger, and “Blue” because it’s the second Full Moon of the month - made for some incredible sky-gazing. Hope you got a picture… The new Super Blue Moon won’t come around again until 2037.

- Or… The next time Kim Kardashian bends over in a pair of blue jeans.

*****

To be honest, I went outside to take a look at the moon last night.

There I was… in my Driveway.

Looking at the Blue Moon.

You Saw me Standing Alone.

Without a Coat on.

It was plenty cold out for the 30th of August!

So I went back inside.

*****

According to a new book - authorized by the Biden Administration - President Biden “occasionally admitted that he felt tired” during his first two years as Commander in Chief.

- Well I guess this explains why he occasionally “lays down” when he’s walking up the steps of Air Force One… He needs to get a MyPillow from Mike Lindell so he can get the BEST NIGHT’S SLEEP OF HIS LIFE… GUARANTEED!!!!!

*****

Paris Jackson, daughter of the late Michael Jackson, took to social media to defend herself against haters who ripped on her for having armpit hair.

- Raise your hand if you find armpit hair on women unattractive…. UNLESS that is, you're a woman with armpit hair. In that case… you might want to leave your arm down and just nod. Thanks!

*****

The owners of a Candy Store in Washington State were shocked when their security camera caught a deer wandering into their store to browse the candy bars.

- But he didn’t buy anything. Turns out he didn’t have enough Doe. (Ba dum dum)

- The deer was reported to the police and then treated to a Twizzler by a Jolly Rancher who lived in the area.

*****

Former NBA great Charles Barkley says he’s a BIG FAN of the Detroit Lions and Head Coach Dan Campbell and has high hopes for them this season.

- Welcome to the party Charles!

*****

A new survey shows that 1 in 3 Pittsburgh Steelers fans say it's important for their romantic partner to also love the Steelers.

- Meanwhile, Lions fans say it’s important for THEIR romantic partners to, “Expect the usual disappointing Second Half.”

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

25 years ago this month… Bill Clinton admitted to having an affair with Monica Lewinsky.

- What a patriotic time that was! Hillary’s face was Red with Anger… Bill was White with Panic… and Monica’s dress was Blue.

*****

Republican presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy made headlines for rapping Eminem lyrics in public... So a few days ago Eminem sent Vivek a letter demanding that he stop using the music as part of his campaign.

- Apparently Eminem only wants his music used by someone "cool" who “gets” what Rap music is about. Someone, you know, like… Mike Pence.

*****

A group of Researchers discovered four new Tarantula species in a “biodiversity hotspot” in the Colombian Pacific region.

- Unfortunately, the new species were killed by one of the researchers who came upon them in a cave and killed them with a rolled up newspaper.

- If you ask me, the “Key” to being a good researcher, is not KILLING the subject you set out to “Research”!

*****

A U.S. judge has given the green light to a class action lawsuit against Burger King alleging that ads make the Whopper look 35% bigger with double the amount of meat than is actually served to customers. The suit seeks monetary damages for “all customers who were deceived”.

- So apparently “Special Orders DO UPSET ‘EM” if you ask for your Whopper to actually look like it does in the picture!

- If Burger King loses the suit, that would be a ton of cash! Maybe it’s not ALWAYS “Good to be the King”…

*****

The number of job openings in the United States decreased to 8.8 million in July, the lowest that number has been in more than two years.

- And if you’ve ever been to Home Depot and tried to find someone to help you… you know most of those 8 Million Job Openings are right there.

*****

Tom Brady is playing it cool while his girlfriend, Russian Model Irina Shayk vacations with her ex-boyfriend Bradley Cooper and their daughter in Italy. Reps say Irina and Brad are just friends - even though Brad took topless photos of her last week.

- Looks like Tom isn’t the only one making Passes!!!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

A new AP poll found that 77% of Americans - including 69% of Democrats - think Joe Biden is too old to serve a second term.

- But that number goes way down when they talk about getting him some Blu-Blocker Ray-Ban Aviator Sunglasses, a Walk-In Bath-Tub for the Oval Office, and an electric Chairlift for Air Force One.

*****

This morning, the National Archives revealed that it has 5,400 emails in which Prez Biden allegedly used FAKE NAMES to forward government info and discuss business with his son Hunter and other family members. The names include: "Robin Ware", "Robert L. Peters", and "JRB Ware".

- Something tells me they’d have gotten to the bottom of this a lot faster if one of the fake names he’d used had been “Donald J. Trump”.

- He might have gotten that “Robert L. Peters” idea from me. I used something similar on stage in my second grade play. I was “Peter T. Rabbit” … (the “T” stood for “The”).

*****

Chess grandmaster Hans Niemann has been cleared of charges that he used… Get ready for this… vibrating “Anal Beads”… to cheat when he beat rival and the World's #1 Chess Player Magnus Carlsen in a Match last year.

- How do they know????

*****

According to an annual survey by the Boys & Girls Clubs of America, bullying in schools has shot up over the past five years.

- You wanna make something of it???

*****

Iggy Azalea claims she was forced to stop her concert in Saudi Arabia after she suffered a wardrobe malfunction while performing Friday night.

Which begs the Question: Who is Iggy Azalea???

*****

Starting November 3, for an extra $49 US, passengers on Turkish-Dutch Corendon Airlines can buy seats in "Kid Free Zones" on select flights.

- So now if someone is kicking your seat from behind, it won't be a kid, it'll be from the couple behind you joining the Mile High Club.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

President Biden's Alcohol Czar says Americans may be told by officials to have no more than two beers a week… following the guidelines adopted by Canada earlier this year.

- Wait… We have an Alcohol Czar?? Who is it? Hunter Biden?

- And I can’t believe Canadians agreed to only TWO BEERS PER WEEK. I don’t know who their “Alcohol Czar” IS but I can tell you who it ISN’T… Doug or Bob McKenzie!!! “Now take off, eh!!!”

*****

Scientists are working on a new Birth Control Pill for Grey Squirrels as a way to keep their populations down.

- Apparently it's too difficult for the Squirrels to put condoms on with thier tiny little paws.

*****

The Air Traffic Control System in the United Kingdom has been hit by a 'huge network failure' grounding thousands of flights for up to 12 hours.

- So the only person flying today is a teenage girl getting a piggy back ride around the grounds of Buckingham Palace from Prince Andrew.

*****

In response to skyrocketing car theft in Chicago, the cities new Mayor is suing Kia and Hyundai because they make it "too easy for their cars to be stolen".

- So it's not the THIEVES... it's the CAR???

- What's next? If you're shot and killed in Chicago... Will you be sued for making yourself too easy to be MURDERED???

- Wait til State Farm hears about this.

*****

And speaking of “Good Neighbors”…

OJ Simpson has announced his pick for Prez in 2024 and the winner is… Vivek Ramaswamy. Everybody's favorite non-convicted murderer says he thinks Ramaswamy is "on to something". As for Veep... OJ thinks Nikki Haley is perfect for the job.

- Not surprising, really. OJ's always been very a Pro-Woman kinda guy. 😳

*****

A recent survey finds that 4 in 10 gamblers have never actually set foot in a Casino.

- Of course not! That’s what Bookies are for!

*****

Get Well Soon… Best Wishes to Sir Elton John who is back home and on the mend after being taken to the hospital following a fall at his home in Nice, France. The Rocketman is 76 and “He’s Still Standing”!

RIP… Bob Barker… Legendary host of “Truth or Consequences” (1956-1975) and then “The Price is Right” for 35 years has died at the age of 99.

- Hard to believe Bob made it “so close to 100 “Without going over”.

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

What a night! Bright lights… Thunderous clapping… it seemed like it would never end! And I’m not talking about the GOP debate… I’m talking about the weather! That storm last night was WILD and went on… FOREVER!

*****

Speaking of the debate… What did you think? Winners?? Losers?? I thought Doug Burgum, the Gov. of North Dakota, on the far right of the stage did a really good job even though nobody - and I mean NOBODY is talking about him this morning. He’s the Gov. of N. Dakota and talked about growing up poor, starting a small biz and turning it into a multi-million dollar international corporation. Plus - he was in pain from a torn Achilles heel AND besides that, he’s got some pretty impressive eyebrows. For a minute there, I thought Groucho Marx was running for President!

*****

BTW… Burgum actually injured himself playing basketball before the debate.

... As opposed to some of the other candidates who were injured DURING the debate.

*****

While there was only one woman on the Stage… I was just glad it was Nikki Haley and not Brittney Spears who is all over the internet with few clothes on and lots of drama about her alleged-impending divorce. (I didn’t even know she was married).

*****

Ratings aren’t in for the debate on Fox yet…

As of this writing, Tucker Carlson's interview with Donald Trump on Twitter racked up 176 MILLION views making it the most watched interview in History.

- Second only to when Big Al played the Maitre d and interviewed people waiting in line for the Port-a-John’s at the Woodward Dream Cruise a few years ago.

*****

As part of her upcoming album, "Rockstar", Dolly Parton got Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr to join her for a cover of The Beatles' 1970 classic "Let It Be."

- They almost recorded a different song when Dolly's bra broke during recording… and somebody screamed, "GET BACK!!!".

- But Dolly said, “Hey… it happens all the time! Let It Be!”

*****

Scientists say the key to living to 100 may be a diet rich in... Beans. They say in addition to protein and fiber, members of the legume family contain copper, iron, magnesium, potassium, folic acid, zinc and lysine - all essesntial for good health.

- Thus the old expression, "Beans, Beans, the Musical Fruit! The More You Eat... The Longer You Live!" Or something like that.

- So the bottom line is... Eat beans and you'll live to 100. No one will want to be around you... but you'll be 100!

- BONUS: Beans are CHEAP!!! Finally a solution to High Gas Prices!!!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Last night my daughters went to see Barry Manilow at LCA… Barry’s 80… but the girls said he still sounds great… “Even Now”!!! (Pictured left to right: Jackie, Jennifer, Jill, Jessica & JoAnne)

*****

At 9pm tonight… The top Republican Presidential Candidates - with the exception of frontrunner Donald Trump - will face off in the first Debate of the 2024 season on FoxNews… Meanwhile - at the EXACT SAME TIME - Trump will be interviewed by Tucker Carlson on X (formerly Twitter).

- I think I’ll split the difference: I’ll watch the debate on TV… and then flip over to Twitter for the interview when they cut away to the commercials for “My Pillow” and “Balance of Nature”.

*****

India has made history by becoming the first nation to land on the Moon's South Pole after its Chandrayaan-3 made a soft landing on the Lunar surface Wednesday… becoming the fourth nation to land on the Moon.

- They almost didn’t make it due to a last minute “computer glitch”… but luckily, were able to get an IT guy named “Steve” on the phone from New Delhi.

*****

Officials in Massachusetts have released the Official Cause of Death for Barack and Michelle Obama’s personal chef who died while paddle boarding off the coast of their Martha’s Vineyard Mansion earlier this summer… And the results are: “Accidental” Death by Drowning.

- Hmmmm…….

- Is it possible the CHEF was the guy who left the plastic bag of Cocaine at the White House???

*****

Republican presidential contender Vivek Ramaswamy posted a video on Twitter of himself playing tennis with the caption “Three hours of solid debate prep this morning.”

- Not to be outdone… Chris Christie posted a video of himself at an “All You Can Eat Buffet” with the exact same caption.

*****

According to a new poll, 1 in 4 Americans admit they’re intimidated by cooking in their own kitchen… with 6 in 10 saying they’re too “overwhelmed by the difficulty” of preparing the INTERNATIONAL foods they love.

- I know I was… until I learned the secret to making great French Fries: Preheat the oven BEFORE you open the Ore-Ida bag from the frozen food section of the grocery store and spread the fries out on the cookie sheet!

- BTW… Here’s an old family recipe you might want to try: Put a can of Spaghetti-O’s in a bowl, microwave for a minute and half… stir… and ENJOY!!!! It goes GREAT with a side of fries!!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Former President Trump announced that he will “surrender” to authorities in Fulton County, Georgia on Thursday after his indictment for challenging the 2020 Election results. He is expected to be released on $200,000 Bond… but not before his mugshot is taken.

- They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I’ll bet Trump is gonna make that one worth about a BAGILLION Dollars.

*****

According to a new CBS/YouGov poll, 71% of Trump voters say they trust Donald Trump to tell them the truth more than they trust members of their own family.

- If you find that hard to believe, you’ve never heard some of my Dad’s stories. I can still hear my Mother saying, “Paul” (or Joe - I never knew for sure which was his real first name), Please STOP telling the kids those made up stories. You know you did NOT Fly UPSIDE DOWN for a HALF HOUR on a flight from Cincinnati to Buffalo during a thunder storm. That’s IMPOSSIBLE!”

*****

President Biden didn’t make many friends in Maui when he told people who had lost literally EVERYTHING that he could relate because a fire at one of his vacation homes almost cost him his “wife, his ‘67 corvette, and his cat”. BTW… The Fire Marshall in Delaware later said it was a “Small kitchen fire that was put out in minutes”. Then, looking at the boots rescue workers had to wear, Biden also said, “That’s some HOT ground out here, man”.

- The one thing you gotta say about Joe… He’s sure got a way with words.

*****

Here we go again????

Lionsgate Studios in Hollywood and a College in Atlanta have once again imposed MASK MANDATES and other Covid protocols like social distancing and temperature checks for employees and students.

- I don’t know about you… but the only time I’m wearing a mask again is on Halloween and that’s only because it’s an important part of my “Lone Ranger” Costume.

*****

California residents faced a double whammy as a 5.1 mag earthquake shook the ground in LA while Tropical Storm Hilary caused severe flooding.

- Hollywood hadn’t been under that much water since Pam Anderson’s breast implants accidentally ruptured while she was running down the beach in slow motion during filming for “Baywatch”.

*****

Russia's first lunar mission in 47 years ended in failure when their spacecraft crashed into the Moon's surface.

- They knew they were in trouble when someone radioed, "Houstonovich... we have a problem".

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Had a great time at the Dream Cruise Saturday! Beautiful weather… low humidity. I rode in “Harrison” - the Salvation Army’s Jr. Bed & Bread Club Truck that delivers snacks & drinks to kids at Elementary School around Metro Detroit! This was my 27th Dream Cruise. That’s a lot of Great Memories, Classic Cars… and Exhaust Fumes! Even got to hang out with my daughter JoAnne, JJ & Jason from the morning show on 104.3 WOMC. Boy those call letters sounds familiar…

*****

Last week it was revealed that President Biden used a series of aliases in email communications with his son Hunter and Hunter’s overseas “business partners” while he was serving as Vice President. Most commonly using the name: "Robert L. Peters”.

- So Joe Biden may never have discussed business with Hunter… but apparently some guy named “Robert L. Peters” DID.

*****

Former Prez Trump says he WON'T appear on Wednesday nights first GOP Presidential Debate... but will be interviewed by Tucker Carlson on Twitter instead.

- I was thinking of watching the Tucker interview live, taping the debate, and then watching it during the non-stop coverage of Trump driving to the courthouse to be arrested and have his mug shot taken on Friday.

- Other than that… Just an average week.

*****

"Blue Beetle" - a new Superhero movie - has ended "Barbie's" four-week number one run at the Box Office.

- We haven't gone from Pink to Blue this fast since Caitlyn Jenner switched teams. No wait… I think that was Blue to Pink.

*****

According to a new survey, only 55% of Americans are comfortable asking for help with money issues.

- Here's a tip: If you need a loan from the Government but have been afraid to ask… change your name to “Ukraine”.

*****

A Southwest Airlines flight from Houston to Cancún was forced to make an emergency landing after one of the plane’s engines caught on fire.

- And in keeping with the spirit of Southwest... each passenger was charged an extra $35 bucks for “Heated Seats”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Saturday’s the big day! The Woodward Dream Cruise!

I’ll be making my way up and down Woodward in “Harrison” the Salvation Army Bed & Bread Truck specially designed to deliver much needed meals to elementary school kids all around Metro Detroit! We won’t be handing out soup ‘n sandwiches tomorrow… but I do plan on doing a lot of waving! Who knows… Maybe now that Harry’s on the outs… I can get some kind of gig with the Royal Family! (Although hopefully I won’t throw my shoulder out like I did waving in the Cruise a few years back. What a wuss, huh?!)

I’ll be doing my thing from 11am to 2pm up and down Woodward Avenue… I hope to see you there!!!

- Dick

Don’t Forget! The Dream Cruise is THIS SATURDAY! I’ll be riding up and down Woodward in the Salvation Army Bed & Bread Truck named “Harrison” - that was specially designed to deliver food to elementary schools around Metro Detroit! I’ll be cruising between 11am and 1:30pm… Hope to see you there!!!

*****

It’s National #2 Pencil Day! Have you even wondered what the difference is between #1 Pencils and #2? I have! so I looked it up! Turns out… #1 Pencils have more graphite in them, are softer and darker and are used in Publishing. #2’s are used by the rest of us in School! It took me a zillion years to find this out but better late than never!

*****

FINALLY… Some good news!!! The American Heart Association says Buffalo Bills player Damar Hamlin’s televised collapse in January appears to have significantly raised awareness of lifesaving CPR… They say they saw a 620% increase in views on their “Hands-Only CPR” and a 145% increase in views of their “What is CPR?” page.

- At least the country came together on SOMETHING!

*****

AOC… one of Capitol Hill's leading voices on Student Loan Forgiveness, reportedly owes the Department of Education up to $50-grand for her own student loans. That means she’s pushing for legislation that would have tax payers footing the bill for HER education.

- Not only do I not want to pay for AOC’s education… I demand a REFUND.

*****

Researchers from Washington State University indicate that restaurants can persuade patrons to opt for healthier options simply by making nutritional information on menus Bigger.

- I agree with what they’re saying here… but in the interest of full disclosure, I stopped at Dairy Queen yesterday and had a Peanut Buster Parfait. Mmm mmm. It may not have been healthy… but it sure tasted great! (Besides, aren’t peanuts supposed to be good for you??)

*****

Yesterday panalyst Jessica Tarlov said on the TV show “The Five”, that America owes an apology to France for two Americans who were found asleep on the Eiffel Tower this week after allegedly getting drunk and evading security the night before. Co-host Dana Perino jumped in and said, “I don’t think so” reminding Tarlov how we came to France’s aid in WWI and WWII.

- Oh yeah… there’s that.

*****

Madonna has reportedly resumed rehearsals for her Celebration Tour following her hospitalization for an infection.

- Madonna says she’s almost feeling good enough to get back to enjoying spending time flat on her back again!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

New photos from the James Webb Telescope released by the European Space Agency appear to show a distinct red question mark deep in space.

- You know things are bad when even the little green aliens are looking down on Earth saying… “What on Earth are you people doing down there??”

*****

A group called the Native American Guardians Association (NAGA) is demanding the Washington Commanders CHANGE THEIR NAME BACK to the Redskins, and have gotten 90,000 signatures on a petition saying Native Americans helped in the founding of America and shouldn’t be “Cancelled”.

- The teams says they’ll run the idea up the (Totem) Pole and see what everyone thinks.

- I just hope these two groups can settle on name that makes everybody happy so they can finally bury the hatchet.

*****

Rachel Zegler, the 22 year old star of Disney’s upcoming remake of “Snow White” is facing major backlash for saying she “hated” the original version in part because the Prince was a “stalker”.

- Gee… I can’t wait to hear her take on the Seven Dwarves in the new version!!!

*****

According to new research, more than a third of parents worry that their child does not understand the value of a dollar… and some have even started using things like “Piggy Banks” to teach fiscal responsibility.

- Apparently it didn’t work out when they sent their kids to the “Hunter Biden School of Economics”.

*****

Some figures in the golf world are now calling on the PGA Tour to allow players to wear shorts in extreme heat.

- Here’s an idea… How about allowing ALL golfers to go shirtless? I’m just thinking of the heat here…

*****

A Japanese athlete broke her own Guinness World Record by participating in the Cross-Country Skiing 2023 Masters World Cup in Austria at age 88.

- Turns out she wasn’t actually ENTERED in the race… she just wandered out of her Assisted Living Facility during a snow storm and kept on going!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Donald Trump was indicted for the 4th time last night - this time in Georgia for his alleged roles in trying to overturn the 2020 election in Georgia with DA Fani Willis using statues normally seen in mob trials and accusing the former president of being the head of “a criminal organization”. She gave Trump and 18 “criminal conspiracy co-defendants” until August 25th to turn themselves in… or she’ll issue a Warrant for their Arrest.

- Well that sounds like “An offer they can’t refuse”.

*****

Hillary Clinton “just happened” to be on MSNBC for a live interview when the indictments were handed down last night saying, “"This is a terrible moment for our country… The only satisfaction may be that the system is working”.

- And then she spent the rest of the hour talking about how the 2016 Election was stolen from HER.

*****

Canadian newlyweds Jaclyn and Brennen McConnell were forced to spend their wedding night at the top of a broken-down Gondola in Bannf, Alberta. The Cable Car got stuck when the power went out during a an electrical storm.

- This is a bad omen. Most couples have to be married at least a couple years before the spark goes out.

*****

On Saturday, a Nordstrom store in LA was ransacked by a mob of 30 to 50 people… with the suspects getting away with nearly $100,000 worth of handbags and clothes.

- $100,000 worth of free stuff from Nordstrom? Why… that’s a STEAL!!!

*****

The “Barbie” movie passed the $500 MILLION mark in the US having already crossed $1 BILLION Globally.

- There hasn’t been this much spent on a woman made out of plastic since Cher went to a Wellness Retreat.

*****

The Quebec Major Junior Hockey League has banned fighting during the 2023-24 season.

- I believe the techinical name for Hockey-without-fighting is…. “Figure Skating”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Prayers for Maui and Lahaina… As of this writing, the death toll has risen to 96 as search and rescue operations continue… Experts now believe the fires - which reached 1000 degrees Fahrenheit - were possibly sparked by power lines.

*****

President Biden is taking heat for saying “No Comment” when asked for his thoughts on the rising death toll in Hawaii after he enjoyed a two hour trip to a beach in Delaware Sunday.

- Hey… at least he didn’t think it was Pearl Harbor!

*****

Attorneys for Donald Trump say they expect him to be indicted as early as tomorrow…

- Wait… That sounds familiar… Didn’t we just run that headline last week?

*****

Attorney General Merrick Garland appointed Attorney David Weiss as Special Council to look into the Hunter Biden Scandals… Weiss is the SAME attorney who tried to push a sweetheart plea deal that would have given Hunter immunity for ALL FUTURE CRIMES THAT HE MIGHT COMMIT that the judge questioned and REFUSED to okay. And now he’s the “Special Council” investigating Hunter - after investigating him for FIVE YEARS already??

- Does this make any sense to you?? Isn’t this like hiring Willie Nelson to babysit your kids at a Pot Farm??

*****

Mark Zuckerberg says Elon Musk “isn’t serious” about their proposed cage fight and “it’s time to move on” after Musk said he needed surgery prior to the match and proposed a “practice round” in Zuckerberg’s backyard over the weekend. No word yet from Elon…

- Of course there’s always the chance that Elon DID respond and Zuckerberg just censored his posts…

*****

According to a new survey, more than 4 in 5 Americans believe Dinner Dates are the hardest to get away from because they involve the most time and food.

- Unless you go to Taco Bell… You’ll be gone from the table and in the bathroom in 5 minutes or less.

*****

The Japanese man who spent $14,000-dollars of a realistic looking Dog-Suit that allows him to live life as a Collie says his family has “accepted it” and that his wife “even lets him sleep in the bed again”.

- He has to sleep down by her feet, but hey! At least he’s not sleeping in the Dog House anymore.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

According to a new survey, Morticia, Gomez, Pugsley, Wednesday and the the rest of the Addam’s Family gang are still America’s All-Time On-Screen Favorite Family!

- “They're creepy and they're kooky, Mysterious and spooky, They're all together ooky…” Are we sure their talking about the Addams family and not the Bidens, the Trumps or the Kardashians??

*****

President Biden reached out and brushed an insect off meteorologist Stephanie Abrams’ chest in an awkward moment during his chat with The Weather Channel this week.

- Be honest. Wouldn’t it be waaaaay more fun if this story was about Bill Clinton???

*****

According to a nationwide survey, gasoline is getting so expensive it’s causing families to cancel travel plans and use their vehicles less.

- You can still have fun at home… but the “License Plate Game” takes A LOT longer when you’re waiting for cars to go by in your living room.

*****

A doctor from the University of Texas told PBS that due to an uptick in Covid cases, Americans should still be wearing masks in crowded areas... and added that to further reduce transmission you should "WEAR A MASK IN YOUR OWN HOME".

- Yeah, okay. NO.

*****

A man tried to smuggle 14 live snakes through a Chinese border by stuffing the reptiles in his pockets and under his clothes.

- I’m thinking he was some kind of Male stripper because police say he had 13 Boas draped around his neck and one Garter Snake clipped to his thigh.

*****

A 30-year-old woman from Taylor, Michigan has been charged with animal abuse after her ex boyfriend caught her "romancing" THEIR DOG, MAX on a home security camera.

- We reached out to Max the Dog for comment, but he was taking a Smoke break at the time.

*****

Royal Caribbean is on track to launch the World’s Largest Cruise Ship - the Icon of the Seas - in January of 2024. The Ship has 7 pools, a park, waterslides, an ice skating rink, can carry 10,000 passengers and is 5 times as big as the Titanic.

- And if it goes down… How much you wanna bet Rose STILL won’t move over and make room for Jack on that door???

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

One lucky person in Florida won $1.58 BILLION in last night’s Mega Millions lottery drawing - the largest Jackpot in the lottery’s history!

- And a big congrats to the IRS who gets $790 MILLION of that!

*****

Soldier of Fortune magazine is reporting that “Unimpeachable” sources say that fingerprints on the bag of Cocaine found at the White House in July prove the Coke belongs to “Someone in the Biden family orbit” and that the Secret Service told the President who that person is. But - the sources added - the culprit’s NOT Hunter.

- That’s one line even Hunter’s not buying.

*****

President Biden gave an interview to the Weather Channel while he was at the Grand Canyon in Arizona yesterday… And when asked what he’s doing to keep the U.S. Military prepared he answered… “We’re dealing with this Climate stuff”. Huh??

- Thank you President Biden! When I think of great military leaders I think… George Washington… Winston Churchill… George Patton… and, of course… Greta Thunburg.

*****

A woman is facing Animal Abandonment charges after leaving her French Bulldog in a short-term parking lot at the Pittsburgh Airport and boarding a flight for her vacation after being told her pet didn’t qualify as an Emotional Support Animal.

- I’m thinking this rules the woman out as an “Emotional Support Human” as well.

*****

Wayne Brady - Known for hosting “Let’s Make a Deal” and “Whose Line Is It Anyway” has come out as Pansexual - someone who is attracted to anyone or anything of any gender, or as he calls it, “bisexual with an open mind.”

- Here’s an idea… “Let’s Make a Deal” with Celebs that they stop telling us about who or what it is they like to sleep with!

*****

The House Ways and Means committee now says it has proof that the Biden Family received more than $20 MILLION (Not just a piddling $17 MILLION) from Oligarchs in Russia, Kazakhstan and Ukraine during the time Joe Biden was Vice President.

- So what will the Republicans do???? Send another mean letter to the FBI and the Department of Justice demanding that they investigate!

*****

RIP… Jim Price, the Detroit Tiger catcher who played on the 1968 World Series Team and was a Broadcast Analyst for decades has died at age 81. No cause of death has been given, but he had been sick for some time.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Elon Musk says his cage match with Mark Zuckerberg is still on but may have to be postponed as he has to have an MRI and possibly surgery on his neck and back before the two can head into the ring.

- If Musk can’t make it because of his ailments… how bout this: We put Trump and Biden in a cage and let the chips fall where they may!

*****

There’s still time to get your Mega Million’s tickets for tonights drawing… With no winner in the last three months, Tuesday night’s jackpot has soared to a record $1.55 BILLION.

- The only way to get that kind of cash these day is to 1) Win the Mega Millions… or 2) Change your name to Hunter Biden and get a job in Ukraine.

*****

Sources say Meghan Markle celebrated her 42nd Birthday last week by going to see “Barbie” with a bunch of her girlfriends while Prince Harry stayed home with the kids.

- But it turned out to be a family affair after all… Prince Andrew and his Girlfriend’s Pom-Pom Squad were at the same theater seeing Barbie for the 27th time!

*****

Scientists believe they may have identified a NEW SPECIES OF HUMAN after finding an ancient skull that belonged to a person who lived up to 300,000 years ago. What makes the skull so unique: It has virtually NO chin.

- The scientific name for the new species is: Homo-Not-Jay-Leno-Erectus.

- This reminds me of the “Soup Nazi” on Seinfeld… Except apparently 300,000 years ago instead of Soup… it was, “No Chin for You!!!!”

*****

A purplish-pink smoke was spotted rising from the stacks at a business in Maine over the weekend.

- Which means the new “Pope Barbie” has been elected!

*****

My wife just got back from a Doctor’s appointment where she had “Cupping Therapy” for her lower back pain.

- When she mentioned “Cupping Therapy” I thought she had bought a new bra!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Megan Rapinoe’s failed penalty shot added to the drama as the U.S. women’s national team crashed out of the 2023 World Cup, losing to longtime nemesis Sweden. Before the game, numerous players - including Rapinoe - refused to put their hand on their heart or to sing the National Anthem.

- First I liked Sweden for giving us Meatballs and Volvos. Then I was annoyed at them for giving us IKEA because of the “put it together yourself” thing… Now I really appreciate ‘em again!

*****

Just three weeks into its run… “Barbie” has raked in more than $1 BILLION at the Box Office Worldwide.

- Experts say if this keeps up, Barbie is set to bring in more money from overseas than Hunter Biden!

*****

Days after announcing he and his wife are getting a divorce, Canadian Minister Justin Trudeau posted a pic of himself and his son dressed in Pink “Barbie” attire.

- Say what you want… I still think Justin looks better in Pink than he did in that Blackface picture from College.

*****

Nancy Pelosi and Donald Trump “took the gloves off” over the weekend… When Nancy said, “I saw a scared puppy” in reference to seeing Trump on TV during his 3rd indictment last week, Trump responded by saying that Nancy is “A Wicked Witch”.

- Let’s get to the bottom of this! Set Trump down in the middle of a rug and see if he has “an accident”… and throw a bucket of water on Nancy and see if she melts!

- To quote the Witch herself… “What a World!”

*****

According to a new study, Americans consume more than twice the recommended amount of added sugar per day.

- We may eat too much sugar… but at least we’re not dressing up in Barbie clothes like a certain Canadian Prime Minister I know.

*****

A martial artist from India recaptured a Guinness World Record from his longtime rival by smashing 273 walnuts with his forehead in 1 minute.

- I’ve always heard that Walnuts are the “Healthiest of all the nuts” but I’m not sure this is what the docs had in mind…

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and his wife Sophie have announced they are divorcing after 18 years of marriage.

- To celebrate Canada’s newly single leader, rumor has it you can get 50% off “Timbits” at participating Tim Hortons locations!

*****

Individual cigarettes in Canada will now carry warnings such as “Poison in Every Puff” and “Cigarettes Cause Impotence.”

- I would take them a lot more seriously if they weren’t the same country who gave us Poutine.

FYI: If you don’t know… Poutine is French Fries topped with Brown Gravy and Cheese Curds… Yum! 🤢

*****

President Trump will be in court this afternoon at 4pm to be indicted for the 3rd time - after yesterday’s indictment on 4 charges that he tried to reverse the results of the 2020 election.

- The Left is calling today “Historic”… The Right is calling it… “Thursday”.

*****

The transcript of Hunter Bidens former friend and business associate Devon Archer closed door testimony to Congress was released this morning… Archer says Hunter put his Dad Joe on the phone with his overseas billionaire associates dozens of time to “Build the Biden Brand”… despite one Dem saying they just talked about the weather.

- Maybe it was “Weather” or not they were going to give the Biden Family lots of money!?!?

*****

A highway in Arkansas was temporarily shut down when a truck spilled its load of canned Nacho Cheese Sauce across all lanes.

- If only this had been California… they could have called in Erik Estrada and CHiPS!!!!! (California HIghway Patrol.

Personal Note: In her younger days.. My #3 daughter Jill was a big fan of Erik Estrada and had a poster of him as “Ponch” on her closet door when she was a teenager. Speaking of old TV Shows… Here’s something I’ve always wondered about. On the original Hawaii Five O… In the credits, it always said, “And Kam Fong as Chin Ho”. Did they really need to change his name??

*****

On Wednesday’s episode of “The View”, Whoopi Goldberg got real about “Sex on vacation”… She said doing the horizontal mambo at the beach is “overrated” because your surrounded by water and there’s “resistance”… She went on but was cut off by the producer who went to a commercial.

- I say we give Whoopi an Award. She’s did something we’ve all been trying to do for years. She rendered the other ladies of “The View” Speechless.

*****

Although school lunches are healthier than they used to be, recent data reveals that as many as 1 in 4 school lunches still have poor nutritional quality.

- But Lunch Ladies still have the Best HAIR NETS on the planet!!!!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

It’s National Dinosaur Day! If you’re celebrating… let’s see a show of tiny little arms!!!

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As you can see from the photos I’ve posted, the White House is using photoshopped images of the President…showing a more “robust, youthful” Commander-in-Chief.

- If only they'd thought to photoshop some clothes onto all those naked pics of Hunter and his “girlfriends”.

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Meanwhile… Former President Donald Trump was criminally charged Tuesday with illegally conspiring to overturn his election loss in 2020 - the THIRD TIME he’s been Indicted.

- This is America. Doesn’t the loser of a race have the right to doubt and dispute the election result?? In September of 2019 Hillary Clinton was STILL telling the Media that Donald Trump was an “Illegitimate President”?? And didn’t she PAY for the fake Russian Dossier that started the whole Russian Collusion Hoax that went on for YEARS?? Was she prosecuted?? Shouldn’t we be FAIR about these things?? Isn’t that what makes this a Democracy???

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Scientists have created a building material using fungus to create an eco-friendly alternative to traditional construction supplies. They say we can look forward to a future where we can buy homes made of "Knitted Molds and the Root Network of Fungi".

- That, my friends... is the American Dream!

*****

An 81 year old Russian Grandmother is facing life in prison after she hired a hitman to take out a cop in the small town where she lives. But the “Hitman” - who she paid $11,000 (US) - was actually an undercover cop who arrested the woman.

- Hey… Some grandmothers knit… some hire hitmen. Everybody’s gotta have a hobby.

*****

A new study finds that the most dog-friendly city in the US is Boise, Idaho.

- I would have gone with New Yorkie.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

On Monday, the White House put up a pic of a shirtless Prez taking in the sun on a beach in Delaware.

- It’s not a bad picture of Joe… Thankfully he’s not wearing a Speedo!

*****

Hunter Biden’s ex-friend and business associate Devon Archer testified yesterday that Hunter Biden put his Dad Joe on the phone with his overseas business associates OVER 20 TIMES while Joe was VP. Archer says it was to “Sell the Biden Brand”… but the Democrat spokesperson said, nope… they spent 20 different phone calls “Talking about the weather”.

- !!!!!!!

*****

The Federal Ban on Incandescent light bulbs - 16 years in the making - finally goes into effect today - meaning you can no longer buy good old fashioned light bulbs.

- Whose bright idea was that?

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A Japanese man who spent $14,000 on a realistic “Collie Costume” that allows him to dress up and live like a dog is hitting back at haters who claim he should go to “therapy” after he took his first ever “walk” in public. He says he doesn’t need professional help because he’s a “Good Boy”.

- But his wife says he’s barking up the wrong tree.

*****

Greta Thunberg was carted off by cops at a protest in Sweden this week just hours after getting fined for blocking Oil Tankers.

- Is it just me or is Greta the most annoying thing to come out of Sweden since IKEA’s Build-It-Yourself Bedroom Suites.

*****

Mars Candy Company has teamed up with French's Mustard for the Candy nobody asked for... Mustard Flavored Skittles. But hurry... the condiment-confection is only available for a limited time.

- Not limited enough.

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RIP… Paul Reubens the actor and comedian, best known for creating and portraying the character Pee-wee Herman has died at age 70 after a private battle with Cancer.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick