Buzzfeed.com put out a list of costumes you should avoid this year if you want keep from offending anyone. To avoid controversy they suggest NOT dressing up like: Covid, the Covid Vaccine, Vladimir Putin, Queen Elizabeth (too soon) or President Donald Trump.

- Whoa! I got nervous for a second when I saw the word “President”! I’m going as “Mr. Belvedere” and thought my whole “TY8-7100 for a Home Improvement Date” get-up might be too-controversial.

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Speaking of Halloween… Last week, costumed boating enthusiasts in Antwerp, Belgium held their annual “Pumpkin Regatta”… an event where giant-hollowed out 2000 lb. pumpkin “kayaks” are raced down a river. The pumpkin-boats are said to be “sticky, oily, and really hard to steer”.

- But more importantly… Unlike normal Kayaks, when you're done with the Pumpkin Regatta, you can turn your boat into an awesome PIE!

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Costco is selling a 157-piece Ultimate Cookware Set of Luxury Brand “Le Creuset” for $4,499-dollars.

- I know $5000 sounds like a lot for Pots and Pans, but You're saving $59.95!! AND it comes with a FREE pancake spatula!

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With Halloween just around the corner…

What is Casper the Ghost’s favorite Christmas song?

“I Saw Mummy Kissing Santa Claus”. (Bada Boom!)

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According to a recent survey, only 24% of Gen Z (11 to 26 year olds) say they always tip their hairdresser, stylist, or barber.

Here’s a Tip for Gen Zers: Stop dying your hair pink, green, and blue and go get a job.

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A new study finds that children can be “bored into obesity,” as they eat much more when they experience boredom.

- So by this logic… we can “Excite them into Shape”???

So basically take away all the incredibly important ridiculously expensive electronic stuff that they can’t live without and go back to the Batts & Balls, Bikes & Big Wheels, Marbles, Yo-Yos & Imaginations WE had when WE were kids… And we’ll start getting Healthy kids back!!!

Worked for Us…

It’ll work for Them!

*****

A 60 year old Arizona woman with osteoporosis has taken up pole dancing to improve her condition. She said her Doctor told her exercise is the #1 way to increase bone mass - and dancing is a good way to work out.

- Osteoporosis at only 60! It amazing how fast you go from Break Dancing to Try-Not-To-Break-a-Hip Dancing!

- Hey… maybe Pole Dancing is something Martha, with the big square black glasses from the “Medicare Advantage” commercials that are all over TV now, should look into doing. I actually think she’s kind of cute… but the Ad runs so much, she’s starting to get on my nerves. But hey… she’s got a lot of energy. Martha must be taking “Balance of Nature”!!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

The Republicans will put up yet another candidate for Speaker of the House this afternoon… this time it’s Louisiana Rep. Mike Johnson. He’s the 4th person since Kevin McCarthy was ousted 3 weeks ago.

- There’s no rule that says the Speaker has to be a member of Congress, so if he doesn’t win… I’m gonna nominate Taylor Swift. She’s got a good voice and so much $$$, she could fund all the wars AND write a hit song about it, too!

- In every pic of her I see, she’s got her mouth WIDE open. She’s either singing or trying to catch a football from her new boyfriend.

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With mortgage rates nearing 8%, more and more “adult kids” are moving back in with their parents.

- The technical term for this within the Real Estate Community is “The Hunter Biden Effect”.

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A new Meta-Gallup survey has found that nearly 1 in 4 adults across the world have reported feeling very or fairly lonely. And it’s not just people. Apparently animals are lonely too.

For example, a scientist in Austria recently reported that,

High on a hill was a lonely goatherd

Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo

Loud was the voice of the lonely goatherd

Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo.

(Admit it… You started singing, didn’t you??)

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The next “Mission Impossible” movie has been delayed to 2025 due to the ongoing SAG-AFTRA strike.

- Apparently the “Impossible” part is getting any of the extras to show up for work.

**********

A 23-year-old Florida man is facing charges after police say he handed pharmacy employees a note demanding a laundry list of prescription drugs, including Viagra. The note said “I don’t want to hurt you… but if you don’t put the pills in the bag… I’ll shoot you”. Police apprehended the suspect before he was able to take any of the Viagra.

- Talk about a hardened criminal. Well, almost.

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A wedding planned for an inn in Vermont had to be relocated at the last minute when an innkeeper was arrested after he allegedly put a loaded handgun to the neck of the bride’s father.

- Usually it’s the best man who get’s loaded at the Wedding… but, whatever.

*****

RIP… Richard Roundtree, the actor best known for playing the title character in the 1971 movie “Shaft” has died following a short battle with Pancreatic Cancer at age 81.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

A naked selfie of Joe Biden's 69 year old brother Frank has been discovered on a gay porn site. The Prez’s younger sib admits he took the pic of himself naked - wearing only a baseball cap and glasses - in 2018. Frank sez that someone must have "hacked his phone” - even though he admitted the pic has been on the porn site for 5 YEARS.

- Move over Hunter! Looks like you’re not the only crazy Biden Family member!!

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Tabloid papers ran wild with an unsubstantiated story yesterday that Russian President Vladimir Putin had suffered a cardiac arrest in his bedroom at the Kremlin on Sunday - but was successfully recessitated with CPR.

- Time is always of the essence when it comes to CPR... Thankfully Vlad was shirtless like usual, so they didn't have to waste any time putting on the electric shock paddles.

- Ultimately doctors determined that Vlad didn’t actually have a Heart Attack… since he doesn’t actually have a Heart.

*****

Spirit Airlines canceled about 100 flights this weekend after pulling some planes out of service for unexplained “Inspections”. A company spokesperson says they expect the resulting delays to last for several days.

- Call me crazy… but doesn’t this happen every year after Spirit Hosts it’s “Pilot’s Appreciation Weekend” in Vegas??

*****

Tropical Storm Norma weakened to become a tropical depression after strengthening slightly and dumping heavy rain as it moved into the Mexican mainland.

- Then Norma did something crazy by today’s standards… It STAYED IN MEXICO!!!!

*****

According to a recent survey, nearly half of U.S. adults under the age of 50 say they wish there were more than two political parties to vote for.

- Well why not? Some of the crazies tell us there are 87 different genders… the least we can do is have a half dozen Political Parties to choose from.

*****

A new scientific paper out of Geneva University in Switzerland claims that nearly half of patients in a recent study reported changes in their behavior and values after receiving blood transfusions and/or organ transplants. The results have some researchers questioning whether blood and tissue can carry "personality traits" from one person to another.

- I believe it. I knew a guy who got blood transfusion from his mother-in-law. Now he spends all his time telling himself he's not good enough to be married to his mother-in-law’s daughter.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

This morning, a Jet Blue plane TIPPEDS BACKWARDS while parked at the gate at JFK “due to a shift in weight and balance” causing the nose of the plane to lift up and then go back down.

- Btw… Chris Christie was sitting in the Back Row… Nice to see at least one Politician who still flys Commercial !!!

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In YESTERDAY’s embarrassing news…

Did you see the Lions Game???

- The last time the Lions played that badly was back in 2008 when they went 0-16 for the year. I thought the days of fans pulling their hats and bags down and watching the game through the eye holes were over!

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Michigan State is apologizing after an image of Adolf Hitler appeared on a Spartan Stadium video board Saturday night before the game against Michigan… alongside a trivia question answer about his birthplace. MSU said the scoreboard content came from a third-party source and that the school will no longer use that company and will update its screening procedures.

- They might also want to make sure the Professors in their History Department are up to speed, too. (These days… you never know!)

*****

Question: Are you sick of all the pics and stories about Taylor Swift and her new boyfriend, KC Chief’s player Travis Kelce??

- TMI… TMI… !!!

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The world's oldest dog - a pup named “Bobi” has died at the age of 31. Bobi’s owner says his “perfect pup” was born in an outhouse and not expected to live… but was scrappy, lived on “People food” and never spent a minute on a leash.

- Let’s see… Bobi was 31 in Human years. And supposedly each Human year counts for 7 in Dog life… So Bob would have been 217 Years old if he was a Human! That’s amazing! And what’s even more amazing… If he was still alive, he could run for President!!

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Amazon is upping its delivery game… this time by introducing a new fleet of Delivery Drones that will deliver packages weighing up to 5 lbs. through light rain in UNDER AN HOUR.

- Wait… Does it HAVE to be RAINING??? What if I order something that weighs less than 5 lbs. and it’s Sunny out? Can I still get it?

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

I

Dolly Parton says she’s sleeps in her make-up… because “You never know what’s going to happen in the middle of the night”.

- This is exactly why I always comb my mustache before I go to bed. I wanna look good the next morning.

*****

New research suggests the winter months may promote healthier eating habits.

- Let’s see… We’ve got Halloween Candy, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Pumpkin-Spiced EVERYTHING... Sure, let’s go with “Healthier”.

*****

A Japanese company says Artificial Intelligence software proves that Russian President Vladimir Putin DOES use a body double at public appearances amid rumors of health problems. They claim the REAL Putin hosted the country’s Victory Day Parade in May, but that some of the other “Vlads” are only a 40% match to the real Putin on Facial Recognition Software.

- I had a body double for a while back in 80’s… I wonder what ever happened to him?? His name was George Clooney…

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77 year old Cher has once again threatened to leave the US if Donald Trump wins the Election, tweeting “I almost got an ulcer the last time… This time I will leave the country”.

- Promise???

- Something tells me she’ll end up staying and making money off it… I can hear it now… “Gypsies, TRUMP & Thieves”.

*****

A recent survey finds that Sexual Satisfaction among older adults may delay or even prevent Memory Loss and Cognitive Decline.

- But even if Sexual Satisfaction DOESN’T help prevent cognitive decline… you’ll be in a MUCH better mood about it.

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A Louisiana couple recently welcomed "Spontaneous Triplets" – Triplets that were conceived naturally without the use of fertility drugs. Spontaneous Triplets are a rare occurrence that happens in only 1 out of every 1 MILLION to 200 MILLION pregnancies. 


- Wow. What are the odds?? Kinda like having 6 Girls and NO Boys! Oh, wait a minute… That’s what happened to me and my wife!

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An Arkansas man was arrested and changed with Public Indecency after police found him in a parked car romancing… a stuffed animal.

- The police didn’t divulge which stuffed animal it was… but if I had to guess, I’d go with “Tickle Me Elmo”.

- Hey… It could have been worse. He could have been caught with Bert & Ernie.

*****

RIP… Character actor Burt Young… who was nominated for an Oscar for his role as “Paulie” in the Rocky movies - and was a former boxer himself… has died at age 83. No cause of death was given.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

A new report shows that American voters increasingly think both President Biden and his son did something illegal when it comes to Hunter’s foreign business dealings.

- Gosh… With TWO wars going on simultaneously, I almost forgot about the Biden Family Financial Corruption Investigations!!

- Not to mention Trump’s legal problems.

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A School District is South Dakota sent out an email reminding parents that they won't be celebrating Halloween at school due to "Diversity and Inclusion" of all students... but will be celebrating with a slew of LGBQT + Classroom Activities during Pride Month.

- Here's a tip: If your kid REALLY, REALLY wants to wear a Halloween costume to school... just have 'em dress up as a Drag Queen!

- Heck... they can probably even borrow the costume from their teacher!

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India says it plans to send an astronaut to the Moon by 2040 - that on the heels of US plans to return to the the Lunar surface in 2025 and China - who says it will land it's "citizens" on the Moon by 2030.

- And I'm just trying to get a flight next Spring that doesn't have three layovers and cost ten thousand dollars.

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According to a new survey, Americans say building savings for an emergency and paying monthly bills are just as stressful as saving enough for retirement.

- Look on the bright side! The way things are going... you may never be able to afford to retire so you don't need to worry about saving for it!

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StudyFinds.com has compiled the best Halloween celebrations in the U.S. and the “Village Halloween Parade” New York City came in number one. Thousands of people take to the streets, drinking and carousing in multi-colored wigs and bizarre outfits.

- Isn’t that what they do EVERY NIGHT in New York???

*****

According to the latest data the new iPhone 15 is selling worse among young people in China than its predecessor the iPhone 14.

- Looks like the kids in China are learning an important lesson early: Don't Bring Your Work Home With You!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Taylor Swift and KC Chief player Travis Kelce were spotted getting handsy for the second night in a row while out on a romantic dinner date. The pair were all smiles as they left a swanky NYC restaurant hand-in-hand before ducking into an SUV waiting outside.

- These two are so in love… this is gonna be Taylor’s best Break Up Album EVER!!!

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On Monday, Judge Tanya Chutkan issued a gag order on former President Trump, limiting what he can say about his alleged attempt to challenge the results of the 2020 election. Trump immediately tweeted that he'll appeal the ruling calling the whole thing a "Witch Hunt".

- Speaking of Witches... Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg have selected their Halloween costumes and it’s going to be SCARY!!!! They’re going as each other!!!

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Scientists at the University of Michigan say new research shows that Ultra Processed Foods or “UPF’s” - like chips, hot dogs, pop and sugary cereal are just as addictive as nicotine, cocaine and heroin. They say 14% of people are actually “Junk Food Addicts”.

- I’m not saying I have a problem… but I did break out in a cold sweat the other day when I ran out of “Yasso” Frozen Chocolate Covered Vanilla Yogurt Bars. Boy are they good! (and available at Kroger!)

- … And in the spirit of full disclosure… I’m also a certified Raisinette-aholic, too! (What am I a Raisinette Influencer all of a sudden?? To be honest… I don’t even know what an “Influencer” is!)

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The CEO of Levi's has come up with a new way to fight Climate Change: Wear your pants in the shower! Charles "Chip" Bergh says wearing your jeans while you shower and washing them like you would your legs helps eliminate the "toxic microfibers from denim that build up in washing machines and eventually make their way to aquatic ecosystems".

- Call me crazy… but doesn’t the water from the shower end up in the SAME PLACE as the water from the WASHING MACHINE??

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Oprah Winfrey is throwing cold water on Mitt Romney's claim that she asked him to join her in a run for the Presidency in 2020. She says she encouraged MITT to run... but never planned to run herself.

- But how fun would it have been to have Oprah as President?? We all would have gotten a NEW CAR!!!!

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An Italian motorcyclist was recently left in excruciating pain after a motorcycle crash dislodged his testicle and sent it up into his body.

- Ironically, Police blamed the crash on a "loose ball bearing".

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

As of this morning… no additional big news out of the Israeli/Hamas War.

RIP… Suzanne Summers… the bubbly actress best known for her role as “Chrissy” on “Three’s Company” and for the “The Thigh Master” commercials. She lost 23 years long battle with Breast cancer on Sunday, just one day before her 77th birthday.

RIP… Piper Laurie… the actress best known movies, “The Hustler” and “Carrie” died Saturday at the age of 91. No cause of death was given.

*****

And now for some Good News…

The Detroit Lions are tied for the BEST RECORD in the NFL after Sunday’s 20-6 win over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The Lions are now 5-1 for the first time since 2011… with a four game winning streak. That puts Detroit at the top of the heap with the 2023 Super Bowl Champion Kansas City Chiefs, the Miami Dolphins, the San Francisco 49ers and the Philadelphia Eagles. The 49ers and Eagles were undefeated going into yesterday’s games… but both ended up losing. So now all five teams are tied at 5 -1.

Could the Lions end up going to the Super Bowl???? Maybe!!!!!! Should we savor this moment of being tied for 1st place???? Definitely!!!!!

*****

A North Carolina angler set a new Saltwater Fishing World Record when he brought in a 3 pound “Puddingwife” earlier this month. For those of you who don’t know what a “Puddingwife” is… I looked it up. It’s a brightly colored reef fish that’s edible -but most people consider it a “trash fish” due it’s “blue flesh and excessive mucus”.

- Sounds yummy! And with the right Tartar Sauce… you don’t even notice the Mucus!

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According to a national survey, the average American chows down on enough pizza each year to stuff a full-sized suitcase.

- I did my part yesterday… I had two pieces of pizza for dinner and a side of pasta with Marinara.

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Last week a Canadian man ate 50 of the world's hottest chili peppers - The Carolina Reaper - in a record-breaking 6 minutes and 49.2 seconds -- and then went on to eat 85 more.

- This is either really dumb… or the fastest Colonoscopy Prep I’ve ever heard of.

*****

Scientists at the University of Michigan say new research shows that Ultra Processed Foods or “UPF’s” - like chips, hot dogs, pop and sugary cereal are just as addictive as nicotine, cocaine and heroin. They say 14% of people are actually “Junk Food Addicts”.

- I’m not saying I have a problem… but I did break out in a cold sweat the other day when I ran out of “Yazzo” Frozen Chocolate Yogurt Bars. Boy are they good! (and available at Kroger!)

- … Not to mention… I’m also a certified Raisinette-aholic, too!

*****

Have a good day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Some bright news on a gloomy Thursday…

27 members of Oak Pointe Church in Novi… who had been on a trip to visit the Holy Sites of Israel when Hamas launched their deadly terrorist attacks on Saturday, have made it home safely!

Pastor Jon Morales, his wife Anna and a group of 25 others were traveling through the desert when they got word of the attacks. They made their way to a shelter in Jerusalem, where they stayed in hiding until arrangements could be made for their safe passage out of the country.

Eventually they were taken by bus to Amman, Jordan - where the group was split in two - with half flying to Dubai, and half to Qutar. From there… they were flown to Chicago where the groups were reunited before flying to Detroit where they landed safely last night!

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The Latest…

• Gaza in a complete blackout.

• Isreal & US confirm photos of atrocities against children

• New numbers from the White House: Hamas has killed at least 27 Americans.

• 14 Americans are unaccounted for/missing in Israel.

• Starting tomorrow, US Gov. will offer Charter flights out of Israel to places around Europe for U.S. citizens and their families. Also looking at ways out by land and sea.

• White House says they don’t know anything about the condition or location of hostages - nor does there appear to be a plan to go get them or to deploy US troops to the area.

As for the $6 BILLION that the US handed back to Iran last month as part of a Prisoner Swap that is being held in a bank in Qatar, there have been calls to RE-FREEZE those funds so they can’t be accessed by Iran (who backs/trains/finances Hamas). But the White House says that’s not happening. They say the money “will only be used for humanitarian aid - food, medicine, etc… for the Iranian people”.

Here’s the problem with that argument. Knowing they have an extra $6 BILLION in the bank … means Iran can spend their cash on Terror.

And so it goes…

See you back here Monday when hopefully we’ll be back to our usual topics!

-Dick & Jackie

Day 5…

As we continue to watch the horrific images coming out of Israel as they prepare for a full scale invasion of Gaza, US Officials have confirmed that 22 Americans have lost their lives and 17 are unaccounted for - and presumed taken hostage - during Hamas’s terrorist attacks.

US hostage negociators are reportedly in Israel to help get our people back… and Navy Seal Team 6 is said to be standing by to aid in any possible rescue/evacuation operations of American and Israeli hostages. The power and water has been cut in Gaza, rockets are flying in both directions, and - it was just announced that 9 UN staff members have been killed in a missile attack.

Amidst all this…. Questions still remain how the Terrorists were able to just walk (and parachute!) into one of the most secure nations on earth and unleash such barbarism??

It makes you wonder, If they could do it there… ??

Before the horrific attacks on Israel… one of the biggest issues here - that was really starting to get some attention - was the out of control situation at the US Southern Border. Day after day we saw pictures and videos of trucks and trains and lines and lines of people flooding into this Country.

I am 100% for legal immigration. LEGAL immigration. Our nation has a long and storied history of proud people coming here from around the world - seeking a better life. For example, my Dad came over from Europe on the HMS Carpathia when he was just 8 months old. That’s the same ship that went on to pick up the survivors of the Titanic. And of course everyone who came in had to register at Ellis Island in NY.

But that’s not the case with everyone who comes here anymore. I’m afraid what we are experiencing now is different. Hundreds of thousands of migrants from - according the to data I’ve seen - 183 different countries - flooding across our border with absolutely no vetting. No background checks. No anything.

And the numbers are staggering. The Homeland Security Department reported that just last month, Border Patrol Agents apprehended more than 210,000 migrants who crossed the souther border ILLEGALLY - that is, they “sneaked in” between official ports of entry. And, by the Homeland’s own admission, even if they are apprehended, most are given a court date years in the future and released into the US.

How about this: 151 people on the Terrorist Watch List have been arrested trying to cross our Southern Border so far this year … compared to just 15 in 2021.

Makes you wonder how many got in that they DIDN’T catch.

I guess my point is this:

We closed the border for Covid. For 19 Months. “To Save Lives”.

I think the least we can do now - and should have done already - is “Err on the side of caution”.

See you back here Thursday

-Dick

Citing an “Acute and immediate need”… the Biden Administration will waive 26 Federal laws to allow several miles of Border Wall to be built in South Texas. You might remember, President Biden called Trump’s wall “Racist” and vowed that “Not one foot of wall would be built” during a Biden Presidency.

- Well to quote one of Joe’s favorite expressions, Who’s the “lying’ dog face pony soldier” now??

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THIS JUST IN… Joe and Jill Biden's two-year-old German Shepherd, Commander, HAS BEEN REMOVED from the White House - after biting a 12th White House Staff Member this week.

- The reason they didn’t get rid of Commander when Hunter was living at the White House was that Hunter was always Hung Over and needed easy access to the “Hair of the Dog that Bit Him”.

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According to a WH spokesperson, Commander is not presently on the White House campus while “Next steps are evaluated”.

- “Next Steps”?? If I was Commander… I wouldn’t be accepting any invitations to go Paddleboarding at the Obamas place in Martha’s Vineyard anytime soon.

*****

According to a new survey, members of Gen Z (11 to 26 year olds) have a bad reputation for having poor communication skills at work.

- It’s true. I stopped at a lemonade stand over the summer… and instead of thanking me for the dollar I paid, the two little kids handed me an iPAD asking if I’d like to tip 15%, 20% or a “Custom Amount”.

*****

U.S. Congressman Henry Cuellar of Texas was Carjacked at gunpoint outside his Washington, D.C. apartment the other night by three armed gunmen.

- Cuellar said it was terrifying… but he finally understood what the American people feel like ever since the government started trying to take away their Gas Powered Cars.

*****

Thought looting was just a problem on land? Think again! Residents living on houseboats and yachts in the San Francisco Bay say they have to resort to physically fighting off seafaring bandits who are sneaking up on rowboats and ransackinging their ships.

- Wasn’t it Otis Reading who sang, “Sittin’ on the Dock of the bay… Watching the Pirates-with-my-big-screen-TV-float-away…” ??? Or something like that.

*****

Scientists report that remote workers can have a 54% lower Carbon Footprint than on-site employees.

- Am I the only one who doesn’t really understand this whole “Carbon Footrprint” thing? I’m still more worried about the effects of guys who wear black socks with shorts and sandals.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

It’s October 4th - and that can only mean one thing! It’s Actor Broderick Crawford Day! As a kid I loved watching his show, “Highway Patrol”… and how he’d sign off his Police radio transmissions with a brusque “10-4”! Thanks to all of you who called me over thru the years to remind me!!

It’s also the day that FEMA and the FCC will be conducting a Nationwide Test of the Emergency Alert System… This afternoon at approximentally 2:20pm, all TV’s Radios & Cell Phones will display a message that starts with “THIS IS A TEST of the Wireless Emergency Alert System. No Action is Needed”. There will also be the usual “tone” used during a test, so don’t panic. (The way things are going in the World… we’ll have plenty of time for that later!)

Speaking of panic…

Another crazy day in Washington, D.C. as a small group of Republicans backed by all the Democrats in Congress voted to oust Repub Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy. It’s the first time in history a Speaker has been forced from his role.

- Hey… If there looking for a “Speaker” that will do whatever you ask it to do… these day we go with "Alexa”!!

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Seriously… It turns out the Speaker doesn’t actually have to be a Member of Congress so people are throwing around all kinds of names as McCarthy’s replacement including… wait for it… DONALD TRUMP.

- Trump is said to be thinking it over while he’s in Court fighting some of the 91 Indictments against him.

*****

The NFL is being accused of relying too much on the Taylor Swift/KC Chief player Travis Kelce romance to boost ratings… with even Him admitting that cutting to shots of Her in the box cheering him on 17 TIMES during the game was “too much”.

- Maybe… but it’s still better than when we were all treated to those shots of Dennis Rodman canoodling Madonna.

*****

Scientists say that small amounts of venom from a Brazilian Wandering Spider could help treat Erectile Dysfunction.

- I don’t care how well it works, something tells me it’s gonna Frighten Miss Muffet Away.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Former Prez Trump is back in Court in today for day two of his Civil Fraud trial… Yesterday, courtroom staff were seen carrying six big bags of McDonald’s (Trump’s fav) into the courthouse during the lunch break.

- Trump was going to buy Pizza for everyone at the Courthouse… but it turns out Chris Christie had already already snapped up all the pies in NYC for his own pre-lunch snack.

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Hunter Biden was in court in Delaware this morning pleading NOT GUILTY to charges that he lied about being addicted to drugs when he bought a gun back in 2018. That comes after a plea deal fell apart this summer on tax and gun charges. If convicted on all charges… Hunter could face a maximum of 25 years in prison and fines up to $750,000.

- And I’d say the chances of Hunter going to the slammer for 25 years are about the same as the chances that Jack Smith drops all 91 counts against Donald Trump, invites him over for Thanksgiving, and buys him a “World’s Greatest President” Mug for Christmas.

*****

From the “I Didn’t See That One Coming Department”…

70 year old Vladimir Putin - who has been in office since 1999 - is set to announce that he WILL SEEK another six year term as President of Russia.

- It’s part of his “Make Communism Great Again” program.

*****

A new report says that more & more “Ant Enthusiasts” in Edmonton, Alberta are keeping the insects as pets.

- It’s not as easy as you think. I had an Ant Farm as a kid. And let me tell you… It was no picnic.

*****

Vanna White is missing from this week’s episodes of “Wheel of Fortune” because she tested positive for Covid.

- But Pat Sajak says Vann’a turned the corner and will be back to turning letters next week.

*****

In case you missed it, the Philadelphia Phillies denied an Emotional Support Alligator from entering their ballpark.

- What a croc.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Congress managed to avoid a Government shutdown over the weekend, but not without a lot of drama… Democrat Rep. Jamaal Bowman was caught on camera pulling a FIRE ALARM right before a major vote. Republicans say he was attempting to obstruct an official proceeding… but Bowman and the Dems say it was “Mistake” and he was just “Trying to open the door”.

- So……. If somebody had just pulled the FIRE ALARM on January 6th everything would have been cool?? Good to know.

*****

Former Prez Trump is in a NYC Courtroom this morning accused of deceiving banks, insurers and others by massively overvaluing his assets. Last week, the Judge overseeing the case, valued Trumps Mar a Lago at just $18 MILLION despite much smaller homes in the same neighborhood ON THE OCEAN selling for $200 MILLION.

- The Judge must be the same guy who appraised my house when I put it on the Market a couple years ago.

*****

Are You Ready Kids???

After a successful online letter-writing campaign, Kraft announced that it’s bringing back its “SpongeBob Squarepants” Mac n Cheese!

- Those of you who follow this blog know I’m a HUGE fan of SpongeBob, Patrick Starfish, Squidward & Gary the Snail. So this is is PERFECT for me!

- The only problem is… when I eat too much Mac ‘n Cheese I end up looking like SpongeBob ROUNDPants.

*****

According to a new survey, only half of hourly employees feel they will be able to retire comfortably… with 33% admitting they’re “Winging it” when it comes to their “Retirement Plan”.

- And of that 33%… 50% are “Winging it” Bone-In, and the other 50% prefer “Boneless Winging It”.

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A new study claims that global warming and rising temperatures may increase the prevalence of alcohol and drug use.

- Well, yeah... when AOC keeps telling us were gonna be dead in 8 years can you blame people if they need a drink?

- Even a Bud Light?

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A flying car made its debut at the Auto Show here in Detroit last month.

- Of course I debuted the original "Flying Car"... when I used to pass cars in the Tunnel when I was late to start my 6am show at CKLW in Windsor back in the early 80's. (TRUE STORY!!!)

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Have a great day and I’ll see you badc here Tuesday!

-Dick

Fans of legends like Elvis, Marilyn Monroe and Princess Diana are using AI (Artificial Intelligence) programs to “age” photos and see what their favorite deceased celebs would look like today if they hadn’t died in their prime.

- Is it just me or does Diana kind of have a look on her face that says, “Seriously, Harry? Meghan Markle??”

- I’m not buying Elvis with gray hair… I think he would have continued dying it black. Otherwise, his fans would have ended up with… “Suspicious Minds”.

- Wow… Even Marilyn Monroe might have sung, “Botox is a Girl’s Best Friend”.

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Most arm chair quarterbacks are saying that the big winner of last night’s GOP debate was the guy who didn’t show up… Donald Trump.

- This reminds me of my buddy in High School, Bob Bemisderfer who won EVERYTHING… whether he showed up or not. (Okay… that’s not really true. But I thought his ex-wife Alice Bemisderfer - who reads and comments on this blog most days at her home in Buffalo - would get a kick out of me saying that. Go Bills!!!)

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Chris Christie even called Trump “Donald Duck” for ducking out of the debates - a joke that most agree came off as forced and scripted.

- Look for Trump to come back with something like, “When I WIN… Christie will EAT HIS WORDS!!! Knowing him… With a side of Ranch”.

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President Biden’s dog Commander attacked yet another Secret Service agent this week - the eleventh time the First Dog has bitten a member of the White House Staff.

- Wow… Senator Menendez has been indicted… Hunter Biden’s been indicted… and former President Trump’s been indicted. Maybe it’s time to indict the Dog??

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Michelle Obama made a cool $741,000 for a ONE HOUR speech about “Diversity and Inclusion” at the “Bits & Pretzels” Festival in Germany on Monday.

- The Obamas say they’ll bank $740,000 of it… and spend the extra Grand on Obamacare.

- Wow. How can Germany afford that?? Even Eva Braun didn’t make that kind of money!

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The great debate over Dem. Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer’s decision to cave to John Fetterman’s desire to wear a hoodie-and-shorts to work has been decided by a unanimous vote in the US Senate… reinstating the Formal Dress Code.

- Good! Now we can get back to the work of figuring out how much more money to send to Ukraine!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Last night’s episode of 60 Minutes on CBS revealed that America has pumped $25 BILLION in non-military aid to Ukraine… including paying the salaries of all 57,000 First Responders in that country.

- Let me get this straight… Stores are closing or locking up all their merchandise because we don’t have enough money to pay for enough Cops in THIS Country… but we’re paying the salaries of ALL THE POLICE in UKRAINE??

- Am I missing something here??

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Squad leader AOC was roasted on Social Media after claiming that the reason she owns a Tesla and not a Union-Made Electric Car is because “The vaccines weren’t ready during the Pandemic”.

- This is the same person who told us 4 years ago that because of Global Warming, in 12 years (8 years from now) we’re all gonna be DEAD.

- I’m starting to think AOC is a bit of a “Glass is Half Empty” kind of girl.

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IN REALLY IMPORTANT NEWS…

A Canadian Dog has set a new Guinness World Records title by removing 21 socks from the feet of volunteers in one minute.

- In case you’re wondering what kind of Dog we’re talk about… He’ a Socker Spaniel. (Ba da boom)

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Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and his House Speaker have apologized after they led Parliament in a standing ovation over the weekend for a 98 year old supposed “Canadian-Ukranian War Hero” who fought the Russians during World War II… Turns out the man, Yaroslav Hunka, was a member of a NAZI unit during the War that committed documented War Crimes.

- They asked Trudeau how it’s goin’ and he replied, “Not goin’ too good, eh? But thanks for ahskin…”

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Democrats are calling a new Washington Post/ABC News Poll that found former President Trump has a 10 POINT LEAD over President Biden an “outlier” and not a true representation of a likely election outcome.

- Settle in folks… We’ve still got 14 MONTHS TO GO!

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An investigative report found that not one student at 13 Baltimore High Schools was proficient in Math.

- Not one student out of 13 schools?? That’s almost 90 percent !!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Do you remember? The 21st Night of September? It’s National “Earth, Wind, & Fire Day!” Love that song! It was Jackie’s favorite when she was 15 years old and spent 63 days in Children’s Hospital. I used to play it for her during my show. Jackie still loves that song to this day! And so do I !!!

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President Biden looked confused again Wednesday as he walked into a giant flag at the UN — then appeared to anger Brazil’s president by walking off stage without shaking his hand.

- Can you guess the official language of Brazil? (Answer at the end of the blog!)

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During her speaking tour of College campuses across the Country Wednesday, VP Kamala Harris said that young people are questioning whether to get married, buy a house or have kids because of... "Climate Anxiety" and the impact it could have on the environment.

- I love that today's people are worried about how having kids is going to impact “The Planet”. Wait til they find out how much having a kid is going to impact their SLEEP!

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Elton John has put his 13,500 sq. ft. Atlanta apartment on the market for a cool $5 MILLION.

- Well at that price, “I think it’s gonna be a long, long time ‘til the Rocketman sells his Apartment”.

- Still… it would be pretty cool. I mean think about it… “You can tell EVERYBODY… this is your Condo”.

- Elton says he’s leaving Atlanta because…“Georgia ain’ the kinda place to raise a kid… In fact it’s Hot as hell…”

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Hundreds of people who identify as DOGS (??) gathered in Berlin, Germany the other day… Why?? To Run, Jump, and play “Go France”.

-I’m sorry… that’s “Go Fetch”. The “France” part came in later, when the they headed over to Paris and made all of the French Bulldogs “Roll Over”.

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Republican Presidential Candidate Will Hurd has presented a detailed plan for regulating Artificial Intelligence.

- Step 1: Fire the cast of "The View".

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A new study finds engaging in moderate to vigorous exercise between 7:00 a.m. and 9:00 a.m. is the optimal time for weight loss.

- Well, since I already missed today’s “Weight Loss Window”… I’m gonna run up to Dairy Queen for a Peanut Buster Parfait and give it another shot tomorrow.

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A sports car owner in Colorado somehow managed to escape unscathed after a massive pick-up truck tipped over and landed on the roof of his Corvette.

- On a bright note… He’s now got a convertible.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

ANSWER: It’s Portuguese.

Good news! They found the Jet! Debris from the $80 MILLION State-of-the-Art F-35 Fighter Jet that disappeared Sunday after its pilot ejected during a training mission over North Carolina has been found 80 miles from where it was last seen. EVEN BETTER NEWS… The pilots luggage has been located on Baggage Carousel #3 at O’Hare Airport in Chicago!!

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It’s National “Talk Like a Pirate Day”! The day we set aside to say things like… “Shiver me Timbers!”… “Hang the Jib, You Scallywag”… and “Lyin’ Dog Face Pony Soldier”… No Wait… That one’s from “National Talk Like a PRESIDENT Day”.

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While slamming the new “Relaxed” Senate Dress Code that Chuck Schumer put in place to accommodate PA Senator John Fetterman’s love of Gym Shorts and Hoodies, 70 year old Maine Senator Susan Collins joked that she plans on wearing a Bikini… “because now she can”.

- I have no problem with her wearing a Bikini… But I DO NOT want to see Chris Christie in a Speedo.

- There are just somethings you just can’t Unsee.

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A judge in Australia threw out a lawsuit by a man who was seeking $643 MILLION US in damages for the “breakdown of his marriage” he says was caused when the staff there encourage him to witness his wife having a C-Section. He says seeing her organs caused him to develop a “psychotic illness” that ruined their marriage. The judge disagreed.

- This reminds me of some friends of my daughter JoAnne. They went to the OB-GYN for the new Mom’s 6 week check up after their first baby was born. The doctor did the exam, said everything looked good and “cleared” them to “resume their normal activities” if you will. Well the husband - who had been in the room for the birth - looked panicked and said… “Doc… I need more time!”

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A survey of Americans who exercise found that more and more people are turning to Canabis as part of their post-workout “Recovery”.

- People used to down a Gatorade. Now they fire up a joint.

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During his interview on NBC's "Meet the Press" Sunday, Former President Trump said he, “Likes the concept” of a female running mate.

- Which is great news for He/She Bud Light Spokesmodel Dylan Mulvanney!!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

The Federal Government is asking for the Publics help in locating an $80 MILLION State-of-the-Art F-35 Fighter Jet that went MISSING over South Carolina yesterday. The pilot ejected safely... but the plane - which was on autopilot - may still be flying or could have crashed. If you have any information... the Gov says to call 1-843-963-3600.

- Seriously?? So now we’ve gone from putting up flyers for your missing Dog or Cat… to doing the same thing for a missing $80 MILLION AMERICAN FIGHTER JET?? Wow.

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THIS JUST IN... Hunter Biden is suing the IRS... claiming Whistleblowers "Illegally released his tax records" and "Embarrassed him".

- But he was okay with the PICTURES of him and the HOOKERS on his LAPTOP?!?!

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Colorado Republican Rep. Lauren Boebert says that she is “truly sorry” after being caught on a night vision camera vaping, dancing, and "getting frisky" with her date at a live performance of Beetlejuice last week.

- It's pretty amazing that they could get all that on camera in a darkened theater... and not one single frame of the guy who left the bag of Cocaine at the White House.

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Over the weekend, Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer quietly changed the Senate Dress Code to allow Senators to wear what they want on the floor instead of traditional business attire. It's being called the "Fetterman Rule" after PA Senator John Fetterman who likes to wear gym shorts and hoodies to work.

- Question: How are we going to tell the difference between the Hoodied mobs robbing us blind in San Francisco & Chicago…. and the Senators with Hoodies robbing us blind in D.C.??

- I guess the new policy is… “If you can’t beat ‘em… Dress like ‘em!”

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According to a new survey, the percentage of American Parents who believe it’s “Very Important” for their kids to have Good Manners has fallen from 76% to just 52%.

- ONLY 52% OF PARENTS think good manners are important??

- Is is any wonder? If our Senators can wear SHORTS to work… why should our kids worry about saying “Please” or “Thank you”???

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On this day in 1793, President George Washington laid the cornerstone of the Capitol Building in Washington D.C.

- He wore Breeches, a Powdered Wig, and a Hoodie with a "We Made America Great” logo on it.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

- Dick

Mexican scientists presented what they claimed were 1,000-year-old "non-human alien corpses" in glass display cases before the Mexican Congress during its first hearing on UFO’s Wednesday.

- Personally, I’d say the so-called “Aliens” look more like Lawn Decorations from “Halloween USA”.

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According to a new study… Tumeric may be just as effective at combating heartburn and indigestion as Omeprazole a.k.a Prilosec.

- Is it just me or does “Omeprazole a.k.a Prilosec” sound more like the name of a new Rapper?

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Mark Zuckerberg’s new social media platform “Threads” - (his answer to X formerly Twitter) - is already in trouble for limiting free speech… admitting they’ve been intentionally blocking searches about Covid and Vaccines in an effort to “Stop Disinformation”.

- If they want to “Stop Disinformation” maybe they should block searches for “Advice from Dr. Fauci”.

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According to newly released documents, during a “Doping Scandal” back in 2014/15, Yankees legend Alex Rodriguez told investigators he “used Viagra and Cialis for fun”.

- Well… yeah… Isn’t that the point?

- It’s not like… “I’m in the mood to clean the gutters, honey! Guess I’ll pop a Viagra”.

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Months after ordering layoffs of dozens of reporters and other employees , USA Today is hiring two journalists to cover two people exclusively: Taylor Swift and Beyoncé.

- So we’ve gone from Woodward and Bernstein covering WATERGATE to a team reporting on who Taylor is dating and what Beyonce is wearing.

- Incredible! And boring. (At least to me!)

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A woman in China was arrested for having 16 jobs at the same time… without ever working. Police say they don’t know how she managed to pull off the scam for so long.

- But I do… “Ancient Chinese Secret”.

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A woman running for local office in Virginia is facing calls to drop out after videos surfaced of her and her husband performing Sex Acts for money online… but she says she’s staying in the race.

- Well I guess we know her position on that. Along with several other things…

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick