The Democrat Mayor of Burbank, California who goes by the name “Mayor Spanky”… invited a Drag Queen to Spank him at a Campaign event over the weekend… where there were kids in attendance. He/She, of course obliged.

- We’ve come a long way from Shakin’ Hands and Kissin’ Babies…

*****

Yesterday, Speaker Kevin McCarthy announced that the House of Representatives will launch a formal Impeachment Inquiry into President Biden… despite the White House and Democrats saying there’s “No Evidence”.

- I guess they mean “No Evidence” other than the $17 MILLION that came from China, Ukraine, Romania etc… that went to members of the Biden family… even the Grandkids!

*****

Hostess, the maker of Twinkies is being purchased by Smuckers in a $5.6 billion deal.

- Hostess said they felt comfortable trusting their famous Twinkie recipe with the Jelly Giant because, “With a name like Smuckers… It Has To Be Good”.

*****

A new survey revealed that many homeowners are delaying Do-It-Yourself remodeling projects because of the rising costs of building materials.

- That… and because in my case, I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA how to Do-It-Myself.

*****

A large sinkhole opened up on a San Francisco street this week following a ruptured water main break.

- Here’s an idea… From what we read and hear about the crazy stuff going on in San Francisco these days… maybe they should just bury the whole city in the Sink Hole and start over.

*****

Researchers working with the American Heart Association say Doctors have been taking Blood Pressure all wrong! That’s right… the results of a nearly 30-year study found that doctors may miss certain health complications like heart attack and stroke if they don’t take their patients blood pressure while they’re lying down - as well as the usual sitting down.

- Wait… I need some clarification here. Is the DOCTOR supposed to lay down?? Or the patient??

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

22 years ago today… at 8:46am on a beautiful, sunny morning in New York City… the World changed forever.

2,977 people lost their lives in a series of brutal, horrific terrorist attacks on the World Trade Centers in New York, the Pentagon in Washington, D.C., and on a plane bravely forced down by passengers in Shanksville, Pennsylvania… “Let’s Roll”… likely saving thousands more lives. Countless more fell ill and died from the toxic effects of the attacks as the years went on.

We all remember where we were that day… That Moment… When we first heard.

I was on the air and shared what was happening with many of you.

It was Surreal. Unimaginable. An almost out-of-body experience.

How could this happen in America?? TO America??

But as the dust swirled and our hopes for survivors faded… something amazing happened. People started coming together. Because 9/11 didn’t happen to “Republicans” or “Democrats” or “Liberals” or “Conservatives”… it Happened to AMERICANS. Even Congress… members from both sides… gathered on the steps of the Capitol to Sing “God Bless America”.

In that moment… and the difficult days and weeks and months to come… we REMEMBERED.

Remembered that first and foremost… before all of our differences, be it the color of our skin, our sexual orientation, our religion, our economic status or which political party we support … we are AMERICANS. First. Foremost. Forever.

So on this day… as We Remember those who gave so much, we owe it to THEM to Remember who WE ALL ARE… AMERICANS.

We’ll see you back here Tuesday.

-Dick & Jackie

Researchers in Germany believe that Artificial Intelligence may soon supervise human workers.

- Didn’t we already have “Artificial Intelligence” running Germany during WW II?? I think it was some guy named Hitler??

*****

The latest dating trend has Men asking for "Refunds" for the money they spent on a First Date - when the woman turns down a Second Date - and they don’t see a “return on investment.”

- We had a much less complicated way of dealing with this in the old days... We called it "Going Dutch".

*****

After the success of "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey", another Nursery Rhyme is getting the Scary Silver Screen treatment. Yes... "Three Blind Mice" is being made into a full-length Horror Movie.

- Boy, I didn't see that coming. And - I'm just guessing here - Neither did the Mice.

*****

85-year-old actor Anthony Hopkins received rapturous applause when he sat down and began playing piano in a hotel lobby.

- Things got a little tense though when he bought everybody in the audience a "Nice glass of Chianti and some Fava beans".

*****

The study also found that 90% of those who have a college degree and feel bored at work - never thought they’d feel this way when they were in school.

- Well, duh! You can’t show up for work drunk. Unless, of course you’re a Commercial Airline Pilot.

*****

According to new survey, nearly half of Americans find their job “unexciting” and are often bored at work.

- It didn’t sound that bad until I found out they only surveyed “Motivational Speakers”.

*****

Chinese authorities arrested two construction workers accused of using an excavator to dig a hole through the Great Wall in central Shanxi province.

- In America we have Pot Holes. In China they have Pot Sticker Holes.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

- Dick

Remember that Shop teacher in Canada, Kayla Lemieux who claims to be Transgender and showed up to class everyday wearing a blonde wig and giant Z-Cup prosthetic breasts??? Well... He/She showed up for the first day of classes at a new High School - dressed as... a MAN! Yup. A black polo shirt, blue plaid shorts and a good amount of facial hair.

- Then again... in these crazy days having a beard doesn't mean he’s NOT identifying as a Woman. Or… He could be a Man who identifies as a Woman who just didn’t feel like shaving that day.

- Rumor has it that he dropped the act because when he was “Fuller in the chest area”… people kept mistaking him for Chris Christie.

*****

There was a familiar face missing at the table yesterday when the ladies of "The View" returned from their month-long summer vacation... Whoopi Goldberg was off - and will remain so for a while - as she's tested positive for Covid.

- I didn’t know Whoopi was on Vacation for a month… or that she didn’t come back… since I take a Vacation from “The View” Everyday.

*****

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un is expected to head to Russia and meet with President Putin to discuss, in part, selling weapons to aid the Kremlin’s war in Ukraine.

- Boy I’d love to be a fly on the wall when those two guys sit down to talk… And then see if Chubby Kim is able to get up and out of the chair when they’re done talkin’.

*****

A survey of 2,000 working Americans finds that when thinking about saving money for retirement, a “Five-Year Plan” simply isn’t going to cut it.

- That's because the way things are going these days, people aren't sure they’re going to be around five years from now.

*****

According to a recent survey Rhode Island, West Virginia & Arizona have the most Confrontational Drivers... with more than 80% of drivers saying they've been "yelled at, insulted, cursed at, or threatened by another driver".

- I think they misspelled “Arizona”… It’s actually spelled: “M-I-C-H-I-G-A-N”.

*****

A Delta flight from Atlanta to Barcelona, Spain had to make an emergency landing when a passenger experienced severe "Intestinal issues" and ran to the lavatory. Unfortunately, he didn’t make it. The pilot declared it a “Biohazard” and headed back to Atlanta.

- Ironically, Passengers were heading to Spain for the Running of the Bulls... and instead, they ended up with, Well…you know.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

I hope you had a great Labor Day Weekend! I saw “Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning” yesterday… To me, it was a “Two Bathroom Break” movie… mainly because the “Impossible Mission” was following the plot. But I did enjoy the Popcorn!

*****

National Cheese Pizza Day! The day Pizza makers encourage Americans to refrain from ordering toppings and embrace the simplicity of plain old Cheese Pizza.

- Whataya say?? Shall we all Hold the Pepperoni today?

*****

Double-vaccinated and twice boosted Jill Biden has tested POSITIVE for COVID but is only experincng “mild symptoms” and will remain at the couples home in Delaware. On a bright note… the President tested negative.

- Of course that was just in the Polls. He doesn’t have Covid either.

*****

The most recent Wall Street Journal Poll showed that if the election were held today, Biden and Trump would be TIED at 46% each.

- Proving once again, it’s a “Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World”.

*****

According to a new biography, Elon Musk grew to hate Twitter’s blue bird logo and vowed to replace it with his own “X” Logo, telling his team, “All these damn birds have to go.”

- So Elon basically gave the Bird the Bird.

*****

School is back in session!! New research reveals that the average parent will spend about $489-dollars on school supplies this year.

- But most parents say the trade-off of having the kids out of the house is worth much, much more.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Happy Labor Day! On behalf of Doc, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Bashful, and Dopey… I hope you’re able to spend the day like I am… celebrating … “Lazy”!!!

Have a great Holiday and I’ll see you back here tomorrow!

-Dick

Last nights Super Blue Moon… - “Super” because the moon is closest to the Earth in it’s orbit making it look 14% bigger, and “Blue” because it’s the second Full Moon of the month - made for some incredible sky-gazing. Hope you got a picture… The new Super Blue Moon won’t come around again until 2037.

- Or… The next time Kim Kardashian bends over in a pair of blue jeans.

*****

To be honest, I went outside to take a look at the moon last night.

There I was… in my Driveway.

Looking at the Blue Moon.

You Saw me Standing Alone.

Without a Coat on.

It was plenty cold out for the 30th of August!

So I went back inside.

*****

According to a new book - authorized by the Biden Administration - President Biden “occasionally admitted that he felt tired” during his first two years as Commander in Chief.

- Well I guess this explains why he occasionally “lays down” when he’s walking up the steps of Air Force One… He needs to get a MyPillow from Mike Lindell so he can get the BEST NIGHT’S SLEEP OF HIS LIFE… GUARANTEED!!!!!

*****

Paris Jackson, daughter of the late Michael Jackson, took to social media to defend herself against haters who ripped on her for having armpit hair.

- Raise your hand if you find armpit hair on women unattractive…. UNLESS that is, you're a woman with armpit hair. In that case… you might want to leave your arm down and just nod. Thanks!

*****

The owners of a Candy Store in Washington State were shocked when their security camera caught a deer wandering into their store to browse the candy bars.

- But he didn’t buy anything. Turns out he didn’t have enough Doe. (Ba dum dum)

- The deer was reported to the police and then treated to a Twizzler by a Jolly Rancher who lived in the area.

*****

Former NBA great Charles Barkley says he’s a BIG FAN of the Detroit Lions and Head Coach Dan Campbell and has high hopes for them this season.

- Welcome to the party Charles!

*****

A new survey shows that 1 in 3 Pittsburgh Steelers fans say it's important for their romantic partner to also love the Steelers.

- Meanwhile, Lions fans say it’s important for THEIR romantic partners to, “Expect the usual disappointing Second Half.”

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

25 years ago this month… Bill Clinton admitted to having an affair with Monica Lewinsky.

- What a patriotic time that was! Hillary’s face was Red with Anger… Bill was White with Panic… and Monica’s dress was Blue.

*****

Republican presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy made headlines for rapping Eminem lyrics in public... So a few days ago Eminem sent Vivek a letter demanding that he stop using the music as part of his campaign.

- Apparently Eminem only wants his music used by someone "cool" who “gets” what Rap music is about. Someone, you know, like… Mike Pence.

*****

A group of Researchers discovered four new Tarantula species in a “biodiversity hotspot” in the Colombian Pacific region.

- Unfortunately, the new species were killed by one of the researchers who came upon them in a cave and killed them with a rolled up newspaper.

- If you ask me, the “Key” to being a good researcher, is not KILLING the subject you set out to “Research”!

*****

A U.S. judge has given the green light to a class action lawsuit against Burger King alleging that ads make the Whopper look 35% bigger with double the amount of meat than is actually served to customers. The suit seeks monetary damages for “all customers who were deceived”.

- So apparently “Special Orders DO UPSET ‘EM” if you ask for your Whopper to actually look like it does in the picture!

- If Burger King loses the suit, that would be a ton of cash! Maybe it’s not ALWAYS “Good to be the King”…

*****

The number of job openings in the United States decreased to 8.8 million in July, the lowest that number has been in more than two years.

- And if you’ve ever been to Home Depot and tried to find someone to help you… you know most of those 8 Million Job Openings are right there.

*****

Tom Brady is playing it cool while his girlfriend, Russian Model Irina Shayk vacations with her ex-boyfriend Bradley Cooper and their daughter in Italy. Reps say Irina and Brad are just friends - even though Brad took topless photos of her last week.

- Looks like Tom isn’t the only one making Passes!!!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

A new AP poll found that 77% of Americans - including 69% of Democrats - think Joe Biden is too old to serve a second term.

- But that number goes way down when they talk about getting him some Blu-Blocker Ray-Ban Aviator Sunglasses, a Walk-In Bath-Tub for the Oval Office, and an electric Chairlift for Air Force One.

*****

This morning, the National Archives revealed that it has 5,400 emails in which Prez Biden allegedly used FAKE NAMES to forward government info and discuss business with his son Hunter and other family members. The names include: "Robin Ware", "Robert L. Peters", and "JRB Ware".

- Something tells me they’d have gotten to the bottom of this a lot faster if one of the fake names he’d used had been “Donald J. Trump”.

- He might have gotten that “Robert L. Peters” idea from me. I used something similar on stage in my second grade play. I was “Peter T. Rabbit” … (the “T” stood for “The”).

*****

Chess grandmaster Hans Niemann has been cleared of charges that he used… Get ready for this… vibrating “Anal Beads”… to cheat when he beat rival and the World's #1 Chess Player Magnus Carlsen in a Match last year.

- How do they know????

*****

According to an annual survey by the Boys & Girls Clubs of America, bullying in schools has shot up over the past five years.

- You wanna make something of it???

*****

Iggy Azalea claims she was forced to stop her concert in Saudi Arabia after she suffered a wardrobe malfunction while performing Friday night.

Which begs the Question: Who is Iggy Azalea???

*****

Starting November 3, for an extra $49 US, passengers on Turkish-Dutch Corendon Airlines can buy seats in "Kid Free Zones" on select flights.

- So now if someone is kicking your seat from behind, it won't be a kid, it'll be from the couple behind you joining the Mile High Club.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

President Biden's Alcohol Czar says Americans may be told by officials to have no more than two beers a week… following the guidelines adopted by Canada earlier this year.

- Wait… We have an Alcohol Czar?? Who is it? Hunter Biden?

- And I can’t believe Canadians agreed to only TWO BEERS PER WEEK. I don’t know who their “Alcohol Czar” IS but I can tell you who it ISN’T… Doug or Bob McKenzie!!! “Now take off, eh!!!”

*****

Scientists are working on a new Birth Control Pill for Grey Squirrels as a way to keep their populations down.

- Apparently it's too difficult for the Squirrels to put condoms on with thier tiny little paws.

*****

The Air Traffic Control System in the United Kingdom has been hit by a 'huge network failure' grounding thousands of flights for up to 12 hours.

- So the only person flying today is a teenage girl getting a piggy back ride around the grounds of Buckingham Palace from Prince Andrew.

*****

In response to skyrocketing car theft in Chicago, the cities new Mayor is suing Kia and Hyundai because they make it "too easy for their cars to be stolen".

- So it's not the THIEVES... it's the CAR???

- What's next? If you're shot and killed in Chicago... Will you be sued for making yourself too easy to be MURDERED???

- Wait til State Farm hears about this.

*****

And speaking of “Good Neighbors”…

OJ Simpson has announced his pick for Prez in 2024 and the winner is… Vivek Ramaswamy. Everybody's favorite non-convicted murderer says he thinks Ramaswamy is "on to something". As for Veep... OJ thinks Nikki Haley is perfect for the job.

- Not surprising, really. OJ's always been very a Pro-Woman kinda guy. 😳

*****

A recent survey finds that 4 in 10 gamblers have never actually set foot in a Casino.

- Of course not! That’s what Bookies are for!

*****

Get Well Soon… Best Wishes to Sir Elton John who is back home and on the mend after being taken to the hospital following a fall at his home in Nice, France. The Rocketman is 76 and “He’s Still Standing”!

RIP… Bob Barker… Legendary host of “Truth or Consequences” (1956-1975) and then “The Price is Right” for 35 years has died at the age of 99.

- Hard to believe Bob made it “so close to 100 “Without going over”.

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

What a night! Bright lights… Thunderous clapping… it seemed like it would never end! And I’m not talking about the GOP debate… I’m talking about the weather! That storm last night was WILD and went on… FOREVER!

*****

Speaking of the debate… What did you think? Winners?? Losers?? I thought Doug Burgum, the Gov. of North Dakota, on the far right of the stage did a really good job even though nobody - and I mean NOBODY is talking about him this morning. He’s the Gov. of N. Dakota and talked about growing up poor, starting a small biz and turning it into a multi-million dollar international corporation. Plus - he was in pain from a torn Achilles heel AND besides that, he’s got some pretty impressive eyebrows. For a minute there, I thought Groucho Marx was running for President!

*****

BTW… Burgum actually injured himself playing basketball before the debate.

... As opposed to some of the other candidates who were injured DURING the debate.

*****

While there was only one woman on the Stage… I was just glad it was Nikki Haley and not Brittney Spears who is all over the internet with few clothes on and lots of drama about her alleged-impending divorce. (I didn’t even know she was married).

*****

Ratings aren’t in for the debate on Fox yet…

As of this writing, Tucker Carlson's interview with Donald Trump on Twitter racked up 176 MILLION views making it the most watched interview in History.

- Second only to when Big Al played the Maitre d and interviewed people waiting in line for the Port-a-John’s at the Woodward Dream Cruise a few years ago.

*****

As part of her upcoming album, "Rockstar", Dolly Parton got Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr to join her for a cover of The Beatles' 1970 classic "Let It Be."

- They almost recorded a different song when Dolly's bra broke during recording… and somebody screamed, "GET BACK!!!".

- But Dolly said, “Hey… it happens all the time! Let It Be!”

*****

Scientists say the key to living to 100 may be a diet rich in... Beans. They say in addition to protein and fiber, members of the legume family contain copper, iron, magnesium, potassium, folic acid, zinc and lysine - all essesntial for good health.

- Thus the old expression, "Beans, Beans, the Musical Fruit! The More You Eat... The Longer You Live!" Or something like that.

- So the bottom line is... Eat beans and you'll live to 100. No one will want to be around you... but you'll be 100!

- BONUS: Beans are CHEAP!!! Finally a solution to High Gas Prices!!!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Last night my daughters went to see Barry Manilow at LCA… Barry’s 80… but the girls said he still sounds great… “Even Now”!!! (Pictured left to right: Jackie, Jennifer, Jill, Jessica & JoAnne)

*****

At 9pm tonight… The top Republican Presidential Candidates - with the exception of frontrunner Donald Trump - will face off in the first Debate of the 2024 season on FoxNews… Meanwhile - at the EXACT SAME TIME - Trump will be interviewed by Tucker Carlson on X (formerly Twitter).

- I think I’ll split the difference: I’ll watch the debate on TV… and then flip over to Twitter for the interview when they cut away to the commercials for “My Pillow” and “Balance of Nature”.

*****

India has made history by becoming the first nation to land on the Moon's South Pole after its Chandrayaan-3 made a soft landing on the Lunar surface Wednesday… becoming the fourth nation to land on the Moon.

- They almost didn’t make it due to a last minute “computer glitch”… but luckily, were able to get an IT guy named “Steve” on the phone from New Delhi.

*****

Officials in Massachusetts have released the Official Cause of Death for Barack and Michelle Obama’s personal chef who died while paddle boarding off the coast of their Martha’s Vineyard Mansion earlier this summer… And the results are: “Accidental” Death by Drowning.

- Hmmmm…….

- Is it possible the CHEF was the guy who left the plastic bag of Cocaine at the White House???

*****

Republican presidential contender Vivek Ramaswamy posted a video on Twitter of himself playing tennis with the caption “Three hours of solid debate prep this morning.”

- Not to be outdone… Chris Christie posted a video of himself at an “All You Can Eat Buffet” with the exact same caption.

*****

According to a new poll, 1 in 4 Americans admit they’re intimidated by cooking in their own kitchen… with 6 in 10 saying they’re too “overwhelmed by the difficulty” of preparing the INTERNATIONAL foods they love.

- I know I was… until I learned the secret to making great French Fries: Preheat the oven BEFORE you open the Ore-Ida bag from the frozen food section of the grocery store and spread the fries out on the cookie sheet!

- BTW… Here’s an old family recipe you might want to try: Put a can of Spaghetti-O’s in a bowl, microwave for a minute and half… stir… and ENJOY!!!! It goes GREAT with a side of fries!!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Former President Trump announced that he will “surrender” to authorities in Fulton County, Georgia on Thursday after his indictment for challenging the 2020 Election results. He is expected to be released on $200,000 Bond… but not before his mugshot is taken.

- They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I’ll bet Trump is gonna make that one worth about a BAGILLION Dollars.

*****

According to a new CBS/YouGov poll, 71% of Trump voters say they trust Donald Trump to tell them the truth more than they trust members of their own family.

- If you find that hard to believe, you’ve never heard some of my Dad’s stories. I can still hear my Mother saying, “Paul” (or Joe - I never knew for sure which was his real first name), Please STOP telling the kids those made up stories. You know you did NOT Fly UPSIDE DOWN for a HALF HOUR on a flight from Cincinnati to Buffalo during a thunder storm. That’s IMPOSSIBLE!”

*****

President Biden didn’t make many friends in Maui when he told people who had lost literally EVERYTHING that he could relate because a fire at one of his vacation homes almost cost him his “wife, his ‘67 corvette, and his cat”. BTW… The Fire Marshall in Delaware later said it was a “Small kitchen fire that was put out in minutes”. Then, looking at the boots rescue workers had to wear, Biden also said, “That’s some HOT ground out here, man”.

- The one thing you gotta say about Joe… He’s sure got a way with words.

*****

Here we go again????

Lionsgate Studios in Hollywood and a College in Atlanta have once again imposed MASK MANDATES and other Covid protocols like social distancing and temperature checks for employees and students.

- I don’t know about you… but the only time I’m wearing a mask again is on Halloween and that’s only because it’s an important part of my “Lone Ranger” Costume.

*****

California residents faced a double whammy as a 5.1 mag earthquake shook the ground in LA while Tropical Storm Hilary caused severe flooding.

- Hollywood hadn’t been under that much water since Pam Anderson’s breast implants accidentally ruptured while she was running down the beach in slow motion during filming for “Baywatch”.

*****

Russia's first lunar mission in 47 years ended in failure when their spacecraft crashed into the Moon's surface.

- They knew they were in trouble when someone radioed, "Houstonovich... we have a problem".

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Had a great time at the Dream Cruise Saturday! Beautiful weather… low humidity. I rode in “Harrison” - the Salvation Army’s Jr. Bed & Bread Club Truck that delivers snacks & drinks to kids at Elementary School around Metro Detroit! This was my 27th Dream Cruise. That’s a lot of Great Memories, Classic Cars… and Exhaust Fumes! Even got to hang out with my daughter JoAnne, JJ & Jason from the morning show on 104.3 WOMC. Boy those call letters sounds familiar…

*****

Last week it was revealed that President Biden used a series of aliases in email communications with his son Hunter and Hunter’s overseas “business partners” while he was serving as Vice President. Most commonly using the name: "Robert L. Peters”.

- So Joe Biden may never have discussed business with Hunter… but apparently some guy named “Robert L. Peters” DID.

*****

Former Prez Trump says he WON'T appear on Wednesday nights first GOP Presidential Debate... but will be interviewed by Tucker Carlson on Twitter instead.

- I was thinking of watching the Tucker interview live, taping the debate, and then watching it during the non-stop coverage of Trump driving to the courthouse to be arrested and have his mug shot taken on Friday.

- Other than that… Just an average week.

*****

"Blue Beetle" - a new Superhero movie - has ended "Barbie's" four-week number one run at the Box Office.

- We haven't gone from Pink to Blue this fast since Caitlyn Jenner switched teams. No wait… I think that was Blue to Pink.

*****

According to a new survey, only 55% of Americans are comfortable asking for help with money issues.

- Here's a tip: If you need a loan from the Government but have been afraid to ask… change your name to “Ukraine”.

*****

A Southwest Airlines flight from Houston to Cancún was forced to make an emergency landing after one of the plane’s engines caught on fire.

- And in keeping with the spirit of Southwest... each passenger was charged an extra $35 bucks for “Heated Seats”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Saturday’s the big day! The Woodward Dream Cruise!

I’ll be making my way up and down Woodward in “Harrison” the Salvation Army Bed & Bread Truck specially designed to deliver much needed meals to elementary school kids all around Metro Detroit! We won’t be handing out soup ‘n sandwiches tomorrow… but I do plan on doing a lot of waving! Who knows… Maybe now that Harry’s on the outs… I can get some kind of gig with the Royal Family! (Although hopefully I won’t throw my shoulder out like I did waving in the Cruise a few years back. What a wuss, huh?!)

I’ll be doing my thing from 11am to 2pm up and down Woodward Avenue… I hope to see you there!!!

- Dick

Don’t Forget! The Dream Cruise is THIS SATURDAY! I’ll be riding up and down Woodward in the Salvation Army Bed & Bread Truck named “Harrison” - that was specially designed to deliver food to elementary schools around Metro Detroit! I’ll be cruising between 11am and 1:30pm… Hope to see you there!!!

*****

It’s National #2 Pencil Day! Have you even wondered what the difference is between #1 Pencils and #2? I have! so I looked it up! Turns out… #1 Pencils have more graphite in them, are softer and darker and are used in Publishing. #2’s are used by the rest of us in School! It took me a zillion years to find this out but better late than never!

*****

FINALLY… Some good news!!! The American Heart Association says Buffalo Bills player Damar Hamlin’s televised collapse in January appears to have significantly raised awareness of lifesaving CPR… They say they saw a 620% increase in views on their “Hands-Only CPR” and a 145% increase in views of their “What is CPR?” page.

- At least the country came together on SOMETHING!

*****

AOC… one of Capitol Hill's leading voices on Student Loan Forgiveness, reportedly owes the Department of Education up to $50-grand for her own student loans. That means she’s pushing for legislation that would have tax payers footing the bill for HER education.

- Not only do I not want to pay for AOC’s education… I demand a REFUND.

*****

Researchers from Washington State University indicate that restaurants can persuade patrons to opt for healthier options simply by making nutritional information on menus Bigger.

- I agree with what they’re saying here… but in the interest of full disclosure, I stopped at Dairy Queen yesterday and had a Peanut Buster Parfait. Mmm mmm. It may not have been healthy… but it sure tasted great! (Besides, aren’t peanuts supposed to be good for you??)

*****

Yesterday panalyst Jessica Tarlov said on the TV show “The Five”, that America owes an apology to France for two Americans who were found asleep on the Eiffel Tower this week after allegedly getting drunk and evading security the night before. Co-host Dana Perino jumped in and said, “I don’t think so” reminding Tarlov how we came to France’s aid in WWI and WWII.

- Oh yeah… there’s that.

*****

Madonna has reportedly resumed rehearsals for her Celebration Tour following her hospitalization for an infection.

- Madonna says she’s almost feeling good enough to get back to enjoying spending time flat on her back again!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

New photos from the James Webb Telescope released by the European Space Agency appear to show a distinct red question mark deep in space.

- You know things are bad when even the little green aliens are looking down on Earth saying… “What on Earth are you people doing down there??”

*****

A group called the Native American Guardians Association (NAGA) is demanding the Washington Commanders CHANGE THEIR NAME BACK to the Redskins, and have gotten 90,000 signatures on a petition saying Native Americans helped in the founding of America and shouldn’t be “Cancelled”.

- The teams says they’ll run the idea up the (Totem) Pole and see what everyone thinks.

- I just hope these two groups can settle on name that makes everybody happy so they can finally bury the hatchet.

*****

Rachel Zegler, the 22 year old star of Disney’s upcoming remake of “Snow White” is facing major backlash for saying she “hated” the original version in part because the Prince was a “stalker”.

- Gee… I can’t wait to hear her take on the Seven Dwarves in the new version!!!

*****

According to new research, more than a third of parents worry that their child does not understand the value of a dollar… and some have even started using things like “Piggy Banks” to teach fiscal responsibility.

- Apparently it didn’t work out when they sent their kids to the “Hunter Biden School of Economics”.

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Some figures in the golf world are now calling on the PGA Tour to allow players to wear shorts in extreme heat.

- Here’s an idea… How about allowing ALL golfers to go shirtless? I’m just thinking of the heat here…

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A Japanese athlete broke her own Guinness World Record by participating in the Cross-Country Skiing 2023 Masters World Cup in Austria at age 88.

- Turns out she wasn’t actually ENTERED in the race… she just wandered out of her Assisted Living Facility during a snow storm and kept on going!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Donald Trump was indicted for the 4th time last night - this time in Georgia for his alleged roles in trying to overturn the 2020 election in Georgia with DA Fani Willis using statues normally seen in mob trials and accusing the former president of being the head of “a criminal organization”. She gave Trump and 18 “criminal conspiracy co-defendants” until August 25th to turn themselves in… or she’ll issue a Warrant for their Arrest.

- Well that sounds like “An offer they can’t refuse”.

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Hillary Clinton “just happened” to be on MSNBC for a live interview when the indictments were handed down last night saying, “"This is a terrible moment for our country… The only satisfaction may be that the system is working”.

- And then she spent the rest of the hour talking about how the 2016 Election was stolen from HER.

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Canadian newlyweds Jaclyn and Brennen McConnell were forced to spend their wedding night at the top of a broken-down Gondola in Bannf, Alberta. The Cable Car got stuck when the power went out during a an electrical storm.

- This is a bad omen. Most couples have to be married at least a couple years before the spark goes out.

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On Saturday, a Nordstrom store in LA was ransacked by a mob of 30 to 50 people… with the suspects getting away with nearly $100,000 worth of handbags and clothes.

- $100,000 worth of free stuff from Nordstrom? Why… that’s a STEAL!!!

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The “Barbie” movie passed the $500 MILLION mark in the US having already crossed $1 BILLION Globally.

- There hasn’t been this much spent on a woman made out of plastic since Cher went to a Wellness Retreat.

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The Quebec Major Junior Hockey League has banned fighting during the 2023-24 season.

- I believe the techinical name for Hockey-without-fighting is…. “Figure Skating”.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Prayers for Maui and Lahaina… As of this writing, the death toll has risen to 96 as search and rescue operations continue… Experts now believe the fires - which reached 1000 degrees Fahrenheit - were possibly sparked by power lines.

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President Biden is taking heat for saying “No Comment” when asked for his thoughts on the rising death toll in Hawaii after he enjoyed a two hour trip to a beach in Delaware Sunday.

- Hey… at least he didn’t think it was Pearl Harbor!

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Attorneys for Donald Trump say they expect him to be indicted as early as tomorrow…

- Wait… That sounds familiar… Didn’t we just run that headline last week?

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Attorney General Merrick Garland appointed Attorney David Weiss as Special Council to look into the Hunter Biden Scandals… Weiss is the SAME attorney who tried to push a sweetheart plea deal that would have given Hunter immunity for ALL FUTURE CRIMES THAT HE MIGHT COMMIT that the judge questioned and REFUSED to okay. And now he’s the “Special Council” investigating Hunter - after investigating him for FIVE YEARS already??

- Does this make any sense to you?? Isn’t this like hiring Willie Nelson to babysit your kids at a Pot Farm??

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Mark Zuckerberg says Elon Musk “isn’t serious” about their proposed cage fight and “it’s time to move on” after Musk said he needed surgery prior to the match and proposed a “practice round” in Zuckerberg’s backyard over the weekend. No word yet from Elon…

- Of course there’s always the chance that Elon DID respond and Zuckerberg just censored his posts…

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According to a new survey, more than 4 in 5 Americans believe Dinner Dates are the hardest to get away from because they involve the most time and food.

- Unless you go to Taco Bell… You’ll be gone from the table and in the bathroom in 5 minutes or less.

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The Japanese man who spent $14,000-dollars of a realistic looking Dog-Suit that allows him to live life as a Collie says his family has “accepted it” and that his wife “even lets him sleep in the bed again”.

- He has to sleep down by her feet, but hey! At least he’s not sleeping in the Dog House anymore.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

According to a new survey, Morticia, Gomez, Pugsley, Wednesday and the the rest of the Addam’s Family gang are still America’s All-Time On-Screen Favorite Family!

- “They're creepy and they're kooky, Mysterious and spooky, They're all together ooky…” Are we sure their talking about the Addams family and not the Bidens, the Trumps or the Kardashians??

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President Biden reached out and brushed an insect off meteorologist Stephanie Abrams’ chest in an awkward moment during his chat with The Weather Channel this week.

- Be honest. Wouldn’t it be waaaaay more fun if this story was about Bill Clinton???

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According to a nationwide survey, gasoline is getting so expensive it’s causing families to cancel travel plans and use their vehicles less.

- You can still have fun at home… but the “License Plate Game” takes A LOT longer when you’re waiting for cars to go by in your living room.

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A doctor from the University of Texas told PBS that due to an uptick in Covid cases, Americans should still be wearing masks in crowded areas... and added that to further reduce transmission you should "WEAR A MASK IN YOUR OWN HOME".

- Yeah, okay. NO.

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A man tried to smuggle 14 live snakes through a Chinese border by stuffing the reptiles in his pockets and under his clothes.

- I’m thinking he was some kind of Male stripper because police say he had 13 Boas draped around his neck and one Garter Snake clipped to his thigh.

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A 30-year-old woman from Taylor, Michigan has been charged with animal abuse after her ex boyfriend caught her "romancing" THEIR DOG, MAX on a home security camera.

- We reached out to Max the Dog for comment, but he was taking a Smoke break at the time.

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Royal Caribbean is on track to launch the World’s Largest Cruise Ship - the Icon of the Seas - in January of 2024. The Ship has 7 pools, a park, waterslides, an ice skating rink, can carry 10,000 passengers and is 5 times as big as the Titanic.

- And if it goes down… How much you wanna bet Rose STILL won’t move over and make room for Jack on that door???

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick