Donald Trump and Joe Biden both won their Primaries in New Hampshire last night… Trump beating Nikki Haley and Biden winning as a write in candidate.

- Fasten your seatbelts everybody… We’ve got 10 more months until November.

*****

After scrapping plans to create a fully self-driving car, Apple announced that it will launch its own Electric Vehicle in 2028.

- They were going to make it just like the Apple Watch, but it turns out people thought it was too uncomfortable to strap their car to their wrist.

*****

Rapper 50 Cent posted pics of himself on Social Media showcasing a major weight loss… leading fans to guess that he was taking Ozempic - the diabetes drug that’s become popular for weight loss.

- He’s so thin… He’s now going by “25 Cent” or just simply “A Quarter”.

*****

Gwyneth Paltrow is out with her annual “Goop Valentine’s Day Gift Guide”… and, in keeping with her usual offerings, the guide includes plenty of risque-named candles, a pair of 14-carat Gold designer Hand-Cuffs, and more than a dozen different sex toys.

- As usual, Gwyneth’s guide is creating quite the buzz.

*****

Concerned scientists say that the melting Arctic permafrost could unleash ancient zombie viruses and trigger a catastrophic global health emergency.

- Either “Concerned Scientists” said that… or it’s the plot of a new show coming out on Netflix… I can’t remember which.

*****

“Mean Girls” added $11.7 million in its second weekend of release, bringing its domestic tally to $50 million.

- I haven't seen any previews for the movie... but from the Title, I'm assuming it's a documentary about the cast of "The View".

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

The Detroit Lions are the biggest underdog left in the playoffs, with their Super Bowl odds listed at 7-1.

Well I’m no Polly Purebred… but I’ve always been a big fan of Underdogs! GO LIONS!!

*****

Billy Joel says he’ll release a new single on February 1st… The song, rumored to be called “Turn the Lights Back On” will be the Piano Man’s first new song in 17 years.

- Billy’s 74… So “Turn The Lights Back On” tells the story of a guy getting up over and over again “In The Middle of The Night” go to the bathroom.

*****

Senator Tim Scott is engaged to marry his girlfriend Mindy Noce after proposing to her on the beach in South Carolina over the weekend.

- But the way things are going these days with people changing their endorsements… Pundits expect her to drop out of her engagement to Scott, and throw her romantic support behind Former President Trump later this week.

*****

An Arizona law may soon give residents a unique way to extend their stay on Earth — by being transformed into soil. House Bill 2081, which has been dubbed the “Grandpa in the Garden Bill,” seeks to legalize human composting so your relatives can be used as fertilizer for your plants.

- So now you don’t have to lose Grandma’s “Green Thumb” when she passes on… You can sprinkle it on your Zucchini in the Spring.

*****

Netflix has a new original documentary coming out next month called “Einstein and the Bomb”.

- It’s a follow up to their big hit documentary last month… “Einstein Brothers and the Bagel”.

*****

Singer Elle King (daughter of SNL alum Rob Schneider) admitted that she was drunk during her disastrous performance at Dolly Parton’s 78th birthday celebration in Nashville over the weekend - so much so that fans demanded their money back.

- Dolly was not in attendance… but she was kept abreast of the situation.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Travis Kelce’s brother Jason made headlines world wide after he jumped out of the skybox shirtless with a beer in his hand after his brother scored a touchdown during the Chiefs win over the Buffalo Bills Sunday night.

- The only way that could have gotten MORE attention… was if Taylor Swift had been the one to go Topless.

*****

And then there were Two...

Ron DeSantis ended his Presidential Campaign on Sunday... just two days ahead of tomorrow's New Hampshire Primary - and threw his support behind Trump. Now Trump and Nikki Haley will battle it out for NH’s 22 delegates.

- At this point, Christie Chris is the only former candidate who hasn’t thrown his weight behind Trump. (Which is probably safer for everyone).

*****

Due to the Democrats own rules, Joe Biden’s name WILL NOT appear on the Democrat Primary Ballot in New Hampshire… meaning voters who want Joe will have to Write his name in as their preferred candidate.

- Wow. Looks like Trump isn’t the only one Joe’s trying to keep off the ballot.

*****

A speaker at the World Economic Forum in Davos said "The coffee that we all drink emits between 15 and 20 tons of Co2 per ton... so Every time we drink coffee, we are basically putting Co2 into the atmosphere."

- Put another way... "The Best Part of Waking Up... Is Putting Co2 in the Atmosphere”… And since I love coffee… I’m okay with that!

*****

Madonna is being sued by two fans angry that her concert in NYC - which was held on a "weeknight" started two and a half hours late and didn't end until 1 in the morning making it hard for them to get up for work.

- Hey... If I made it out of a Madonna concert without needing medical attention , I'd consider myself lucky.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

It's National Thesaurus Day! And I for one am not only excited to celebrate... according to Roget, I'm thrilled...stimulated...frantic...delirious... crazy... titillated...overjoyed...jazzed... stirred up... giddy... and positively aflutter!

*****

Kanye West announced that he's had all of his teeth REMOVED and replaced with $850K TITANIUM dentures that are "More expensive than Diamonds".

- His mouth is now worth $850 Grand... and his ex-wife Kim Kardashian had her rear-end insured for $21 MILLION dollars. When those two die eventually… their kids are gonna have a heckuva time making heads or tails of their finances.

*****

Lake-effect snow is threatening to disrupt the Buffalo Bills yet again as they prepare to host the Kansas City Chiefs on Sunday in the divisional round.

- Let me tell you a little secret about Buffalo... It NEVER stops snowing in Buffalo. Never.

*****

A German man broke a Guinness World Record when he downed a cup of coffee in 3.12 seconds.

- Boy, the Germans are getting soft. In the 1930's, they could've downed a whole POT of coffee in 3 seconds and marched their way across Poland AT THE SAME TIME.

*****

A new study finds that drinking 100% Fruit Juice can lead to weight gain.

- A similar study found that dating O.J. ... can lead to an early death.

*****

A survey of food delivery orders by GrubHub.com found that the third most-popular food to be delivered in America in 2023 was.... Hash Browns. Coming in at #2: Cheeseburgers and the most ordered item in the country was... "The Burrito Bowl".

- I thought the Burrito Bowl was the College Football game they play on Cinco de Mayo.

*****

60-year-old Brad Pitt & his 32-year-old girlfriend Ines de Ramon were spotted on a rare date night at a Gallery in Beverly Hills, California.

- Wow. That’s a 28 year age difference! That means Ines was only five and starting Kindergarten when Brad was divorcing Jennifer Aniston to marry Angelina Jolie! Time flies when you’re having fun!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

It's "Popeye the Sailor Man Day"! And with temps in the single digits… It’s a lot more than “Me Timbers” that’s Shivering!!!

*****

Monday, Congressional investigators revealed that Chinese researchers isolated and mapped the virus that causes Covid-19 in late December 2019, AT LEAST TWO WEEKS before Beijing revealed details of the deadly virus to the world.

- So basically, the Secret is Out… The Chinese DID try to keep the Ancient Chinese Secret a Secret!

*****

Ratings for Monday night's Emmy Awards sunk to an All-time low of just 4.3 Million viewers... down significantly from last years previous historic low of just 6 Million.

- In case you missed it... Some people won. Some people lost. And as usual, I hadn't heard of 99% of the shows… or “Stars”… that were nominated.

*****

Two of three U.S. adults say they disapprove of President Biden’s job performance — a record for his presidency.

- But apparently, Dr. Jill and Hunter were both in bad moods when they responded to the survey.

*****

The five wealthiest people on Earth have seen their wealth skyrocket by 114% since 2020… Meaning Jeff Bezos, Warren Buffett, Bernard Arnault, Larry Ellison and Elon Musk are now worth a combined total of $869 BILLION.

- Oh sure that may sound impressive. But I’ll bet they still have trouble finding quarters for the Vacuum at the Car Wash… just like the rest of us!!!

*****

The Fort Worth Zoo in Texas offered the first look at the first baby lion to be born there since 2015.

- They were gonna release a pic sooner… but they wanted to give the baby lion a few years to decide what Gender it wanted to be.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Huge night for Trump as he crushed the competition in Iowa… getting 50% of the caucus vote… a record setting 30 points more than his nearest challengers Ron DeSantis and Nikki Haley who came in 2nd and 3rd respectively with 21.2% and 19.1% of the vote. Vivek Ramaswamay… who came in a distant, but respectable 4th, with 8% of the vote, dropped out of the race on the spot and threw his support 100% behind Trump and asked his followers to do the same.

This Just In… Former Arkansas Gov. Asa Hutchinson has just announced that he is dropping out of the race for the Presidency.

This Also Just In… I had no idea Asa Hutchinson was STILL IN the race for the Presidency.

*****

Speaking of Winners… Congrats to my home team Buffalo!!!!

The Bills demolished the Steelers yesterday 31-17 in their snow-postponed game in Buffalo. Meanwhile the Divisional Playoffs are set with the LIONS slated to play the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on Sunday January 21st at 3pm! GO LIONS!!!!

*****

Jason Kelce who plays for the Philadelphia Eagles and is the older brother of Taylor’s Swift’s Boyfriend, KC Chief’s tight end, Travis Kelce, announced last night after his team lost to Tampa Bay 32-9 that he is retiring after 13 seasons.

- Jason and Travis both have won Super Bowl Rings… but only one is about to present a certain Billionaire Musician with a different kind of ring this summer 👀!

*****

Elton John added another feather to his Duck-billed cap last night… when he became part of an elite group of 19 perfomers known as EGOTS… Those who have one an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony. At last nights Emmy’s, Sir Elton won for “Elton John: Farewell from Dodger Stadium”. He wasn’t there to accept the award because of a knee operations… but “screamed” when he heard he’d won.

- And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time til touchdown brings him round again to find. He’s not the man they think he is at home. Oh no no no. He’s an EGOT, man!

With his EGOT stature, John joins - among others - Mel Brooks, Andrew Lloyd Webber and Whoopi Goldberg, who are also EGOTS.

*****

80 year old Climate Czar John Kerry is stepping down from his role to help 81 year old Joe Biden’s re-election campaign.

- I guess they decided they needed to bring some “Young Blood” on board to freshen things up a bit.

*****

A new study revealed the best teas for constipation... and the winner is: Organic Senna Tea.

- Too bad Maxwell House Coffee already trademarked that theme line… “Good to the Last Drop”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

For the first time in 32 YEARS… The Lions… OUR LIONS are the CHAMPIONS of the NFC NORTH after winning their first playoff game since the 1991 season last night with their 24-23 win over the LA Rams! Much of the game was a QB battle between the Lions QB Jared Goff and the Rams QB Matthew Stafford (who played 12 seasons with Detroit). Both looked pretty good… and I have to say I was personally disappointed when the fans booed Stafford. He gave a lot to this team. Not cool.

Next game for the Lions: TBD!

**********

Meanwhile… The Buffalo Bills… will play the Pittsburgh Steelers today at 4:30pm IN BUFFALO after that game was postponed due to snow yesterday. The Team has been paying local kids $20 bucks an hour to come shovel out the nearly 4 feet of snow that covered the stadium and all of Western New York over the weekend. If only I still had the shovel I used when I was a kid growing up in Kenmore, a suburb of Buffalo. (My dad didn’t may me $20 bucks an hour to shovel our driveway… that’s for sure!)

Go Bills!!!!

*****

The Lions weren’t the only Big Winners last night… 22 year old Madison Marsh a Second Lieutenant in the US Air Force and “Miss Colorado” added another crown last night… “Miss America”.

- They don’t carry the “Miss America” pageant on regular TV anymore... You have to “Stream It”. Personally, I shy away from anything that requires me to call a Urologist!!

*****

The 2024 Republican Primary officially gets underway today with the Iowa Caucuses set to begin at 8pm EST… The temperature in Des Moines right now is -4 degrees with a “Feels like” temp of minus 20.

- Weather and Politics go hand in hand… In fact, Political Pundits are saying it’s “Almost as cold as Bill & Hillary’s Bedroom”.

*****

This Just In… Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin has been released from the Hospital and will be “Working from home”.

- There are some jobs I just don’t think you can do adequately “From home”. For example… Secretary of Defense, Policeman, Gynecologist… Maybe it’s just me??

*****

Fruit Stripe, the decades-old gum brand that was known for its fruit-inspired flavors and zebra-print design is going bye-bye. The iconic gum, which has been sold since the 1960s, came in five flavors: Melon, Cherry, Lemon, Orange and Peach.

- This may not seem like a big story to you… but my daughters are having a hard time with it. Apparently Fruit Stripe gum was a BIG DEAL. They tell me they used to chew it while taking turns riding up and down the driveway on their Big Wheels!

*****

RIP… Joyce Randolph who played Trixie Norton, the upstairs neighbor, on “The Honeymooners” has died of natural causes. She was 99.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

We’re back! Techno glitch fixed… And thus, instead of Thursday’s blog, you get one today!

The forecast for Saturday nights AFC Wild Card Round Playoff Game between the KC Chiefs and the Miami Dolphins looks grim and not because of snow… but because of cold temps that could go as low as -30 degrees! They say that would be one of the coldest environments for an NFL playoff games in League history. But the NFL has not considered changing the location according to Fox Sports.

Meanwhile… Sunday’s 1pm game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Buffalo Bills could be moved out of Buffalo to Cleveland if Lake Effect Snow prompts a state of emergency to be declared in Western New York. That would be a huge blows to the Bills if they have to give up the Home Field advantage in the first round of the Playoffs.

*****

During Congressional testimony this week, Dr. Anthony Fauci admitted that the whole “Six Feet Apart Social Distancing” thing “just sort of appeared” and wasn’t based on any kind of scientific data.

- That News Again… They basically got the Official US Government Covid Social Distancing Policy from the HOKEY POKEY: “Put your right foot in, take your right foot out. Put your right foot in, and you shake it all about. Do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, that’s what it’s all about!”

*****

Fauci also said he’s “not convinced” that locking down schools and forcing kids to do “Online Learning” is what led to the dramatic decline in test scores across the country.

- Well duh! It had NOTHING to do with School Closures… It was obviously Climate Change!!!!

*****

Chris Christie dropped out of the race for the Presidency Thursday… narrowing the GOP field and making the DeSantis and Haley camps Happy.

- Now if Christie can just drop a hundred pounds, he’ll make his CARDIOLOGIST happy.

*****

Waymo will start testing its Robo-Taxis - self driving cars WITHOUT A HUMAN MONITOR on Phoenix freeways… beginning next month.

- And to make it more like a “real taxi ride”, the driverless car is programmed to take you out of your way, swear a lot, almost get in an accident, then overcharge you for the trip.

*****

A new survey shows that a hot shower, a glass of wine, and sex are a few of Americans' favorite ways to unwind at bedtime.

- And if you’re like most Americans, you can fit those all in between 10:50pm and 10:59pm and still be tucked in by 11 !

*****

Hundreds of hunters are expected to compete for cash and prizes in Arkansas' annual Squirrel-Hunting Competition this weekend.

- That must be somethin’ to see… At the end of the weekend… All those guys with their Trophy Squirrels strapped to the roof of their SUVS…

*****

Have a great weekend and I’ll see you back here Monday!

-Dick

What a few days for the Biden White House! Nobody seems to know who’s where… or who’s doing what…

It’s like one big game of… Whack a Mole!

This morning… Hunter Biden, his lawyer & the guy who pays a lot of his tax bills CRASHED a Congressional Hearing designed to debate whether or not he should be held in Contempt for defying a previous Subpeona. The stunt threw the hearing into chaos with plenty of yelling… with one Rep. even calling for Hunter to be “arrested right here, right now”. He was not.

- Between this and the Trump trials… Who needs Netflix?? 🍿

*****

National Security Spokesperson John Kirby admitted yesterday that President Biden had been completely unaware that Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin’s Prostate Cancer diagnosis for a MONTH… and didn’t know he had gone in for surgery before Christmas, nor that he had been rushed back to the ICU on January 1st.

- But rest assured, Kirby was extremely CLEAR about the complete lack of transparency!

*****

Only 23% of “Boomers”… those aged 11 to 26 years old… say they are Sports Fans, with experts saying things like short TikTok and YouTube videos making it hard for them to sit still for “A whole two or three hour football game”.

- Wow… If they can’t make it through a football game. Wait til they get married.

*****

Remember the guy caught on video last week leaping through the air to attack a Judge about to rule on his assault case? Well he was back in front of that SAME judge for sentencing yesterday… and she gave him up to 48 months for Felony Battery.

- So bottom line: He threw himself at her… and then she Threw the Book at him.

*****

Calls are growing for the governing body of Harvard to be FIRED and a full-scale Congressional investigation be launched into how it covered up allegations that University President Claudine Gay was a Plagiarist.

- I’m all for getting to the bottom of this… but are we really sure that CONGRESS is the best group to investigate allegations of STEALING??

*****

An Orlando man will send his mother's remains to deep space aboard the Vulcan rocket.

- He also tried to send his Mother-in-Law into Space last year but it didn’t work out… It might have had something to do with the fact that she was still ALIVE at the time.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

HAIL TO THE VICTORS!

Congrats to the Michigan Wolverines who are the 2024 NATIONAL CHAMPIONS after last night’s decisive 34-13 win over the Washington Huskies!

This is Michigan’s first National Championship of the millennium, with their last coming in 1997. That was 27 years ago! We didn’t have Smartphones or Self-Driving Cars back then… and the biggest Political Scandal was Bill Clinton’s sexual escapades.

- I guess the more things change… The more some things stay the same.

*****

A new study reveals that exposing toddlers to screen time can lead to difficulties in processing their surroundings.

- Well this is really bad news for Apple’s New “Inter-Uterus-My-First-iPhone” they were planning on marketing to the lucrative “Pre-Born” market.

*****

A new Delaware bill aims to allow bird hunting on Sunday.

- Not surprisingly, the Bird Hunting Bill is supported by both the Left Wing & Right Wing of Congress.

*****

A Russian singer has been arrested for performing a concert wearing nothing but a Sock on his…. Manhood… and has been charged with “Minor Hooliganism”.

- The singer’s lawyer says his client, “Will take responsibility for his actions… but ‘takes exception’ with the characterization that his ‘Hooligaism’ was ‘Minor’”.

*****

The “Drunkards Association of Ghana” have taken up the challenge to set a Guinness World Record by having a one-week non-stop drinking party. FYI… This is serious business: The Ghana Drunkards Association have more than 10 million members.

- They even have a theme song: Prince’s “Tonight we’re Ghana Party Like It’s 1999!”.

*****

A new study proves that mice can indeed recognize themselves in the mirror.

- And, as it turns out, they think they look “Fat”… just like the rest of us.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Tonights the Night!

Michigan v. Washington

Game time: 7:30pm

The Michigan Wolverines and Washington Huskies, both 14-0 face off tonight for the 2024 College Football Playoff national title. GO BLUE!!!!!

*****

“Oppenheimer” took home the award for Best Film at last night’s Golden Globes Awards.

- It’s the biggest “Bomb” in Hollywood history… with the exception of Jeffrey Epstein’s list.

*****

Taylor Swift was in the audience at the Golden Globes last night and didn’t seem too happy when the emcee made a joke about her getting less camera time there, than she does during an NFL game.

- Hey Taylor… “Shake it Off”!!!

*****

So… over the weekend, it was disclosed that Lloyd Austin, the Secretary of Defense, had been Hospitalized for 3+ days following a mysterious “elective surgery” before letting anyone - including President Biden or Congress - know. They say they been told Austin was “Working from home” - despite the fact that he was actually in INTENSIVE CARE.

- Let me get this straight… We’re involved in two wars, terrorists groups are firing missiles at our soldiers and ships overseas, we have American hostages still being held in Gaza… and the SECRETARY OF DEFENSE decides he doesn’t need to call in sick??

- I’m starting to think we don’t live in a real country anymore. It’s more like some kind of bizarre reality show… like “The Biggest Loser” meets “Survivor”.

*****

Donald Trump is calling for Defense Sec. Austin to be fired immediately… citing his “failure to disclose his whereabouts as in the hospital… as grounds for immediate dismissal”… but the Biden Administration says they have full faith in him and are “Looking forward to having him back at the Pentagon”.

- The White House did admit that they’re going to take away Austin’s toy soldiers and put him in a time out, “So he can think about what he did!”

*****

A new survey of employers found that 40% admit they avoid hiring Gen Z workers (those aged 11 to 26).

- Although the 11 year olds were “Top Choice Hires” for Lemonade Stands.

One in five employers surveyed also reported college graduates bringing a parent with them when they interview for a job.

- Well, duh! Who do you think in going to buy them lunch after the interview?

*****

According to officials, 374 Pounds of Cocaine washed up on the shores of Australian beaches on the 22nd of December.

- At least SOMEBODY had a White Christmas.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

-So the first batch of names came out in connection to Jeffrey Epstein and it reads like a who’s who in Politics and Hollywood…Prince Andrew… Al Gore… Stephen Hawking… Naomi Campbell… and Bill Clinton who was mentioned more than 50 times.

- And it also reads suspiciously like Santa’s “Naughty” List from a couple weeks ago.

More documents and names are set to be released today. Stay tuned…

*****

Washington, D.C. residents received free Apple AirTags this week to help them locate their cars in the event they're stolen. It’s part of the cities response to a dramatic increase in crime including car theft in D.C.

- They should give us all Air Tags to put in our Taxes. That way we’ll know when our money arrives in Ukraine!

*****

A new study suggests that speaking to babies in “sing-song” speech, such as nursery rhymes, is the most effective method for teaching them to talk.

- It’s also a great way to approach Potty-Training! Might I recommend my personal favorite… “Tinkle, Tinkle… Little Star…”

*****

Recently resigned Harvard President Claudine Gay - who stepped down amid accusations of plagiarism - will remain on staff as a Professor and will still likely earn her nearly $900,000 a year salary.

- Which she plans to put away for retirement, writing, “A Penny Saved, is a Penny Earned!”

- Well put, Ms. Gay. Well, put!

*****

Health experts say you can expect a “healthy mix” of coronavirus, influenza, RSV, and other cold viruses going around this winter.

- A “Healthy mix”? Really?

*****

According to animal experts, a Capuchin Monkey who escaped from a sanctuary in Ireland is likely on the hunt for a mate.

- They could tell the monkey escaped in Ireland because after he got out, he went to a pub, got drunk on Banana Schnapps, and passed out singing “Danny Boy”.

*****

Disney’s 95 year copyright on Mickey Mouse ran out this week… meaning Mickey is now in the Public Domain… and - not surprisingly - is already the subject of a new horror movie: The “Mickey Mouse Trap” - about a deranged serial killer dressed in a Mickey Mouse costume who chases a bunch of teens around an arcade at an amusement park hits theaters this March.

- The only thing that will kill you faster is the $15 Cookies ‘n Cream Funnel Cake with Whipped Cream and Chocolate Sauce you get next to “Dumbo the Flying Elephant”.

*****

An Australian man set a new Guinness World Record by putting on 10 pair of underpants in only 13.03 seconds.

- Why?

- The REAL question is… How fast can he get 10 pair of underpants OFF??

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

The NY Times, the Rev. Al Sharpton and other liberal outlets and activists are blaming Harvard President Claudine Gay’s resignation yesterday on “Racism”… saying she was forced out of her job because she’s a black woman, NOT because she failed to condemn calls for the genocide of Jews on campus or Plagiarized more than 50 times.

- Well message received! Or as Claudine would say… “Copy that”.

*****

When asked by Ryan Seacrest what foods he’d been enjoying over the Holidays, President Biden had to be reminded by First Lady Jill Biden that he’d been having a lot of his favorite food - ice cream.

- Hey… I promised we’d bring you all the latest Scoops this year! Well, there ya go!

*****

UPDATE: The list of people who flew on Jeffrey Epsteins plane and/or flew to his island that was supposed to be released yesterday has been moved by the Judge to January 22nd… because one woman whose name is reportedly on the list complained to the Judge. More info when available…

*****

This just in… The Surgeon General of Florida, Joseph A. Ladapo, has just called for a HALT to all mRNA Covid Vaccines - the kind made by Pfizer and Moderna - due to Public Safety Concerns.

- While I appreciate the warning… I REALLY would have appreciated it say… three years ago.

- So if you were thinking about getting your 3,759th booster this week, you might want to think again…

*****

TSA agents at LaGuardia Airport in NYC found 17 bullets concealed inside a disposable baby diaper in a man’s carry-on.

- With six kids… I changed a lot of “Loaded Diapers” in my day… but never like this.

*****

Think you’re doing your body a favor by going for that Plant-Based Burger? Think again… A new study of plant based sandwiches, burgers and pizza from fast food restaurants in 5 countries found that each of the “Vegan” options contained LESS protein and sodium, More carbs and sugar, and MORE calories overall than their “regular menu” items.

- I found this out the hard way. You should check out the “Plant Based Spare Tire” around my waist.

*****

Huge announcement out of Hollywood this morning: The next Star Wars film will be directed by a feminist activist & former journalist… with a theme “centered around feminism”.

- So look for Darth Vader to say, “Luke, You have Two Mothers!”

- And instead of wearing a dress and putting her hair in braided buns on the side of her head, Princess Leia dons a Power Pants Suit, dyes her hair blue, and identifies as a Pan-Sexual Storm Trooper.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Congrats to Michigan who defeated Alabama 27-20 in the Rose Bowl yesterday… and are now headed to the National Championship Game!!! The No. 1 Wolverines (14-0) will face the No. 2 Washington Huskies (14-0) in the College Football Playoff National Championship game this Monday, Jan. 8 in Houston. GO BLUE!!

*****

So… It’s 2024! The New Year is finally here… and what a year it’s gonna be!

So much going on and we’re here for it! As always… the crack staff of investigative journalists here at Dick Purtan’s Official Fan Page (Okay… Jackie and I) promise to bring you the very latest, most accurate info on topics of vital interest to our country: The upcoming Presidential Election… The Border Crisis… What Taylor Swift wore to the Chiefs game… If it impacts Your world… You’ll read about it here! Whether you like it or not!

We’re so confident we’ll bring you both the NEWS YOU NEED and the NEWS YOU DON’T… we’re offering a MONEY BACK GUARANTEE! And it couldn’t be easier!!!

Read our FREE BLOG…. FREE for 30 Days! If you’re not completely satisfied… we’ll refund the money you DIDN’T PAY - including shipping & handling - NO QUESTIONS ASKED!!!! That’s NO QUESTION’S ASKED!!!!

If you like the blog…. (which we hope you do!) keep reading for FREE! It’s just that easy!!

*****

According to a new survey, “Improving Physical Health” was named the Top Resolution for 2024.

- It’s January 2nd! Are people STILL talking about keeping their resolutions??!!??

- I did make a resolution this year… I’m going to try to be more “Positive”. And so far it’s working! For example, last night I was “positive” I wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep… and I was right on the money!!!

*****

ESPN has apologized after a video clip of a woman baring her breast was shown during the broadcast of the Sugar Bowl in New Orleans.

- But we get NO APOLOGY after that horrible call the refs made against the Lions the other night???

*****

According to NBC and other news outlets, the first 170 names from Jeffrey Epstein’s flight logs will be released later today… and one name that is confirmed to be on the list is Bill Clinton. In fact, the former Prez. is reportedly mentioned 50 times in the initial batch of documents.

- Maybe Epstein just had a really, really great Frequent Flyer Program? We’ll keep you informed as details become available…

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Happy New Year!

Wishing you a Safe, Happy and Healthy 2024!

See you back here tomorrow!

-Dick & Jackie

Last night the girls and I got together for a little Pre-Christmas “Daddy-Daughter Dinner-Dance” kind of thing… We all went to Jessica’s house, had take-out and watched “A Very Barry (Manilow) Christmas Concert on TV. Had a blast!!

*****

Stormy Daniels, who’s had plenty to say about former President Trump is now weighing in on the Biden Family, saying, “I’m going to get myself in trouble… but Hunter seems like he’d be fun to party with”.

- And the good news for both Stormy AND Hunter is… I’m pretty sure they’re BOTH up to date on all of their Shots.

*****

Police in Florida are looking for a man who walked out of a Walmart with a cash register.

- Well… I’m sorry… but this is what you get when you ask people to do “Self-Check Out!!!”

*****

According to a new survey, Florida is home to the most spoiled dogs in America.

- Along with some pretty mouthy alligators.

*****

Oprah - who has been a Spokesperson for Weight Watchers since 2017 - admitted that she’s using a Weight Loss Drug to help her slim down to her current weight.

- So eating celery sticks and counting points may be good… but as it turns outs out, injecting a Diabetes Drug is one of Oprah’s Favorite Things!!!

*****

People Magazine reports that Mariah Carey is taking her annual holiday trip to Aspen without her longtime boyfriend - fueling rumors that the two have broken up.

- Apparently all Mariah Wants for Christmas This Year Isn’t Him.

*****

A gifting enthusiast known as “The Gift Girl” on TikTok said there are three presents you should avoid gifting women: Household Cleaning Supplies, Things to help them on their “Weight Loss Journey” like a scale, and any kind of Anti-Aging or Anti-Wrinkle Skin Care Products.

- Well… I hate to cut this short, but I’ve got some gifts to return. (Just kidding!)

*****

RIP… Radio’s Ken Calvert who passed away Wednesday at the age of 72.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

A new study suggests that humans may be fueling global warming by breathing.

- We’ll have details as soon as they become available… But Don’t Hold Your Breath…

*****

Yesterday, the Supreme Court of Colorado ruled that former President Donald Trump is NOT ALLOWED to be on the State's Primary Ballot due to “his actions” related to the January 6, 2021, attack on the U.S. Capitol… saying he violated the 14th Amendment by inciting an Insurrection - something Trump has NEVER BEEN CHARGED WITH.

- They say it’s all in an effort to “Save Democracy”… Because, as you know, the best way to “Save Democracy” is to keep people from being able to Vote for the Candidate of their Choice!

*****

President Biden is having a rough week… A driver crashed into a parked car in the Presidential Motorcade in Delaware, new polling shows he’s the most Unpopular President since World War II, and the IRS is reporting that his 42 year old daughter, Ashley Biden, owes $5 Grand in unpaid taxes since 2015.

- But on a bright note… His dog Commander didn’t bite anybody this week. (Since he’s away at “Canine Training Camp”).

*****

Declaring that “The War on Drugs has Failed” and that they have to “look at alternate ideas” … officials in Switzerland have announced that they are considering legalizing Cocaine.

- That story again: Hunter Biden Considering Moving to Switzerland…

*****

U.S. Economist Harry Dent predicts that 2024 will bring the “Biggest economic crash of our lifetime.”

- Well Merry Christmas to you, too, Harry.

*****

People Magazine reports that Mariah Carey is taking her annual holiday trip to Aspen without her longtime boyfriend - fueling rumors that the two have broken up.

- Apparently all Mariah Wants for Christmas This Year Isn’t Him.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

“Wonka” made $14.4-million-bucks on opening day - tells the story of how Willy Wonka got his start in the Chocolate business and met his first Oompa Loompa.

- It’s being described as “Fun and Family Friendly” like “Free Willy”…. which was either that movie about the Whale or the biopic about Bill Clinton’s time in the White House, I’m not sure.

*****

An Aide to Senator Ben Cardin was fired after he videotaped himself having sex with a gay partner in a SENATE HEARING ROOM and posted it on Social Media.

- I’ve always heard the Senate was a “Boys Club” but I had no idea THIS is what they meant…

- I’ve never seen a “Secret Handshake” like THAT before!

*****

A brewery and a creamery in Oregon have partnered up to create a Beer that’s flavored with Blue Cheese.

- They were all out of Limburger??

*****

New research reveals that the average person still uses 140 plastic bags in a year. To put that in perspective… if you put stack them all together, it would reach the height of an 18-story building.

- Or make one pair of underwear for Kim Kardashian.

- Just kidding! Kim doesn’t wear underwear!!

*****

84-year-old Maury Povich was presented with the Lifetime Achievement Award at the Daytime Emmy’s this past Saturday… by none other than his wife… 77-year-old news anchor Connie Chung.

- The couple, who married in 1984, have one child. And… later today Maury’s going to open the envelope and reveal if he’s the father!!

*****

Oreo’s will introduce its new limited edition “Black & White Sandwich Cookies” in January.

- Does everything have to be about Race?

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

The House voted to formally launch an Impeachment inquiry into President Biden… meanwhile the Supreme Court has agreed to hear a case that could impact former President Trump’s cases regarding the 2020 results.

- Are we actually having an Election next year or an episode of the People’s Court? All we need at this point is Judge Whopner and Doug Llewelyn.

*****

In related news… Hunter defied a subpoena and skipped out his Congressional testimony.

- His lawyer says he wasn’t trying to be difficult, he just had “A prior Holiday commitment with two of Santa’s Reindeers… Dancer & Vixen”.

*****

A new survey finds that “All I Want for Christmas is You” is the Most Annoying Christmas song of all time with “The Chipmunk Song” taking the #2 Most-Annoying spot.

- The “Barking Dogs” and “I Wanna Hippopotamus For Christmas” just called and they want their Awards back!!!

*****

Former President Bill Clinton privately criticized his wife Hillary’s failed 2016 presidential campaign, complaining to a friend that she couldn’t “Sell (Sex) on a Troop Train.”

- Well probably not to HIM…

*****

VP Harris was in Poland to deliver an address on… well… I’m not sure what… but made her point crystal clear when she said, “We all watched...The television coverage, of just yesterday. And that's on top of everything else... that we know and don't know yet... Based on what we've just been able to see. And because we've seen it or not… doesn't mean it hasn't happened.”

- I have no idea what she’s talking about… but, Well put, Kamala. Well put.

*****

The owners of a California museum dedicated to all things Rabbit-related earned a Guinness World Records title for their 40,550-piece collection including everything from Rabbit Cookie Jars to Freeze Dried Rabbits.

- The previous record for most Rabbits in one locations was held by Hugh Hefner.

*****

A French Sommelier (wine expert) says we’ve been drinking Champagne “all wrong”… He says you should Never ever drink champagne out of a fluted glass, because, “It's like going to the opera with earplugs, you miss everything”.

- Isn’t that the whole point with Opera??

*****

A highway was temporarily shut down in Washington State after hundreds of eggs spilled onto the road from a head-on semi-truck collision.

- The eggs caused a three mile back up on the highway and a severe blockage in several main arteries.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Happy 34th Birthday to Taylor Swift! She’s worth $1.1 BILLION so I guess the $25 Amazon Gift Card I got her isn’t going to impress her that much. Oh well…

*****

A travel booking company is now giving fans of the new movie “Wonka” the chance to stay in a Wonka-themed hotel suite for one night only… complete with edible amenities, a candy tree, cotton candy clouds and a chocolate bar bed with pillows made out of marshmallow.

- Whoa… Even Mike Lindell doesn’t have MARSHMALLOW PILLOWS!!!!!

- NOTE: The Wonka Hotel is in New York City… so if you go, you may have to share your room with an Undocumented Ooompa Loompa who came across the Southern Border.

*****

Fans have noticed a major photoshop fail on a Royal Family Christmas card, showing Prince William's youngest son, Prince Louis, missing a finger.

- But it’s turns out Little Louis was missing his middle finger in the pic… which William and Kate decided to edit out and send to “Aunt Meghan” as a Secret Santa gift!

*****

A history teacher at a Seattle high school allegedly gave a 10th Grade Student a Failing grade on a Quiz because the student answered that “Only Women can get Pregnant” and that “All Men have Penises”.

- Well one out of two isn’t bad!

*****

MLB Superstar Shohei Ohtani officially signed a ten year, $700-million-dollar contract with the Los Angeles Dodgers this past weekend.

- He’s worth so much… Ukranian President Zelensky is now asking for money directly from HIM.

- I’m just spitballn’ here…

*****

Hunter Biden failed to show up for his Behind-Closed-Doors Congressional Deposition this morning, but instead held a Press Conference on the Capitol steps claiming he’s being railroaded by Republicans who are taking advantage of his Addiction and his father’s love for him.

- Boy, my Dad wasn’t nearly that supportive when I took MILLIONS in $$$ from Foreign “Businessmen” and had a Diet Coke problem.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick