More Bad News for Boeing… Turns out one of their suppliers discovered that it has MIS-DRILLED HOLES on the fuselages of about 50 undelivered 737 MAX planes.

- I get it. When I put together an End Table from Ikea one time… I ended up with 2 mis-drilled holes, 7 extra screws and a handful of washers I didn’t know what do do with. Then again… I wasn’t planning on FLYING hundreds of people thousands of feet in the air - on my END TABLE.

*****

When former Prez Trump challenged President Biden to an “Immediate” debate “for the good of the country”, the Commander in Chief responded with, “If I were him, I would want to debate me, too. He's got nothing else to do.”

- Which is true… If you don’t count fighting 91 counts in 4 different court cases, ballot challenges around the country and trying to run a Presidential Campaign. Other than than… Trump’s pretty much free.

*****

Kansas City Cheif’s QB Patrick Mahomes' father Pat Mahomes Sr. was arrested by police in Tyler, Texas for a DWI… his 6th… but was released on $10,000 bail. No word yet whether he’ll be at the game Sunday.

- The NFL has been tight-lipped about the story… but everyone is assuming Mr. Mahomes got drunk because he was just so sick of hearing about Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift.

- Amen!

*****

An Indiana man was recently inducted into the “White Castle Cravers Hall of Fame” after 80 years of eating Sliders.

- He loves them so much… that upon his death, instead of being cremated and put in an urn…. he’s requested that he be steamed with some finely minced onions… then lowered into the ground in a giant white paper sack.

*****

NYPD's security robot has been pulled from its Times Square subway station post just months after Eric Adams described it as 'part of the fabric' of the future.

If they want a Robot that can really help “Clean Up” the streets of New York… might I suggest they start with a Roomba?? (For those of you that don’t know… a Roomba is a self-driving robotic vacuum that cleans the floor by itself!)

*****

During an interview on the Bravo Channel this week, Model Chrissy Teigen inadvertently revealed that she's had three boob jobs.

- Which begs the question: Which side got the extra work done… Left or Right??

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

It’s National "Break Wind" Day...

The day, of course, that we salute the great musician Mason Williams who gave us the Grammy Winning Hit... Classical Gas.

*****

Speaking of the Grammy’s

Taylor Swift took home the Album of the Year award at last night's show... becoming the first person ever to win Album of the Year - 4 TIMES.

- Glad to see things FINALLY going Taylors way!

*****

Joni Mitchell made an emotional appearance at last nights awards... singing her 1966 hit "Both Sides Now".

- The song was about looking at life and love from "Both Sides"... but Joni says it means something different now that she’s in her 90’s. She says... these days, when her Doctor says, "Where does it hurt?" She says, "On Both Sides Now".

*****

President Biden has declined doing a pre-game Super Bowl interview with CBS, making it the second year in a row he’s dodged the traditional big game sit-down.

- It’s not that the Prez is afraid to be interviewed… it’s just that Dr. Jill put him in charge of rolling the mini-hot dogs in crescent rolls for the White House Super Bowl Party.

*****

FIFA has chosen New Jersey's MetLife Stadium as the Host for the 2026 World Cup Finals... over Dallas and Los Angeles... and fans aren't happy. They say the weather and traffic alone make it a horrible choice.

- Of all the places in America they could host the WORLD CUP they pick NEW JERSEY???? That's like inviting people over to your house... and serving dinner in the Garage.

*****

“Kung Fu Panda 4” is expected to help DreamWorks recover financially after the disappointment of their last two "Kung Fu Panda" movies.

- I'm pretty sure "Kung Fu Panda" is one of the lunch specials at Wong's Carry Out on Woodward Avenue… along with “Almond Boneless Chicken”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

There’s a new book about Elizabeth Taylor coming out… and it’s “Packed” with info. For example, the author claims that when Liz and husband (#5 & #6) Richard Burton travelled… they took 156 suitcases with them. They even hired people just to pack/unpack the luggage to go along.

- Who did she think she was? Cleopatra?

*****

Kim Kardashian launched her Skims Lingerie Brand Valentine’s Day Shop last week - with a Bra and Panty set made out of… “Smarties” candies. The set, which is made out of Candy and String - costs $58 and sold out in minutes.

- They have Valentine’s Day Lingerie for men too… You put it on AFTER your wife looks at you naked. It’s made out of “Snickers”.

*****

PETA - the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals - continue to insist that it’s time to “Free”Punxsutawney Phil from his Groundhog Day duties and allow him to retire.

- The guy works one day a year. He comes out of the house - looks for his shadow and goes back inside. At this point he works less than the President of the United States.

*****

I read a study yesterday that said leafy greens like Spinach, Kale & Lettuce may be better at keeping your gums healthy and your breath fresh than mouthwash - without the side effects.

- NOTE: You’re supposed to EAT the Spinach & Kale… NOT Gargle with it like I did.

*****

Scientists from Finland used thermal technology to “Map Out” exactly where in the body different types of Music are felt - and it turns out it’s Universal. Sad songs evoke a response in the heart and the pit of stomach in listeners worldwide - whereas “Happy Songs” are felt in the Feet.

- And if you hear the 1970’s Chuck Berry song, “My Little Ding-a-Ling” you hear it right in your…… you know.

*****

A new survey finds that over 50% of people in the World would choose a larger stone for their engagement ring.

- Well… I just googled it and the World population is 49.75% Female… so that sounds about right.

*****

A recent cross-country United Airlines flight was diverted because the Boeing jet had a cracked windshield.

- Hey… at least it HAD a windshield! These days… We can’t take anything for granted when we fly.

- We used to wonder if our flight would have Pillows & Blankets… Now were grateful if the plane has Windows & Doors.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

Dick

A new survey finds that Californians get the best sleep in America.

- And that my friends is why the song is called “California Dreamin’” and not “Dreamin’ in Melvindale’”.

*****

A Milwaukee woman who went looking for her missing dog, found him a mile away - hanging out at a bar with her husband who was drinking with a bunch of his friends.

- I think I know who slept in the dog house that night and it wasn’t the Dog.

*****

A study finds that our minds and bodies actively fight Weight Loss Programs promoted every January… and Experts in psychology and nutrition say that giving yourself grace — and giving up the diet mentality altogether — may be the best way to make this a good year.

- In other words… Everyone gets a “DIET PARTICIPATION TROPHY”!

*****

Meanwhile… research has found that nearly 2 in 5 children and adolescents in China are expected to be “Overweight” or “Obese” by 2030 if current trends continue.

- In order to do their part, Apple has already switched to “Reduced-Sugar Juice Boxes” for the kids in the Break Room at the iPhone Factories.

*****

The new trailer for “Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire” introduces a new era of Scientist- Heroes facing a supernatural threat capable of causing a second Ice Age.

- So you can either pay $9.95 to go see that in the theater… or you can turn on TV and get lectured about it by Activists on Roadways and at Museums like we see on TV everyday for FREE.

*****

Tom Selleck opened up about the upcoming conclusion of Blue Bloods during a new interview with TV Insider. He said, “an awful lot of people aren't ready to say goodbye”.

- I don’t watch the show regularly… but I do really enjoy it when I see it. Sorry to see it go. Luckily, we’ll still be able to see Tom on those Reverse Mortgage Commercials!

*****

RIP… Chita Rivera… the two-time Tony winning Broadway actress, singer & dancer who starred in “West Side Story”, “Chicago” & “Kiss of the Spider Woman” has died following a brief illness. She was 91.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Oprah is 70! The all time Diva of Daytime TV celebrated the milestone yesterday saying, “Seventy resonates, letting you know… that there are not as many years remaining as you've already consumed.”

- Is it just me or did MOST of us come to the realization that our life was about half over when we turned 50?

- Is there some “Talk-Show Host” deal where you get to live to 140 or something?

*****

If your dog is looking like he needs to drop some weight, A new study shows that adding Probiotics to your Dogs diet might help them lose a few pounds if they're overweight.

- But don't even try it with your Cat. I'm bettin' it won't settle for anything less than shots of Ozempic.

*****

In an effort to combat absenteeism, some lawmakers in Ohio have proposed PAYING Kindergarteners and 9th Graders $50 a month to attend school - plus a $250 bonus if they graduate.

- We had an "Incentive Based Attendance Program" when I was in school too. It was called... “Go To School Or You Don’t Wanna Find Out What’s Gonna Happen When Your Father Gets Home". It worked like a charm!

*****

When a Wisconsin woman went into labor and realized she wasn’t going to make it to the hospital - she had her husband pull into a McDonalds parking lot where she promptly gave birth their baby.

- The dad was so nervous he said he couldn’t tell if it was a girl or boy… until he saw the McNuggets.

*****

A man in Wales in the UK recently called their version of 911… telling the operator that he had a stomach ache from “eating too much kebob”.

- I know the feeling. Last night at dinner, I had too many Lake Erie Walleye Kebobs. (True story) Sheesh!

*****

Ellen DeGeneres celebrated her 66th birthday by getting in a grueling workout in her home gym.

- And by “Grueling Workout in her Home Gym” they mean she spent about a half hour saying mean things to her housekeeper.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

The Lions lost their chance to go to the Super Bowl by losing their game to San Francisco last night 34-31… but overall, it was a terrific season… Best they’ve had in 30+ years! If only the game had ended after the first half… they’d be on their way to the Super Bowl. Oh well… Hopefully we won’t have to wait another 6 decades for our next shot at it!!

*****

Taylor Swift was on hand to watch her boyfriend Travis Kelce and the Kansas City Chiefs defeat the Baltimore Ravens 17-10 to earn their 4th trip to the Super Bowl in 5 years. Social media is split on the pair… With some (especially the young people) eating it up… and others thinking the “Romance” is a Hollywood creation designed to help Democrats - who Swift supports. Thoughts??

“Taylor & Travis Sittin’ in A Tree…

K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Is it real?

Will she become Kelce’s Spouse?

Or is it just a stunt to get

Joe in the White House???”

How much influence does Taylor have?? A new poll found that 20% of those surveyed said they would cast their vote for, “Whoever Taylor Swift votes for”.

*****

So Super Bowl LVIII is set: The San Francisco 49er’s vs. the Kansas City Chiefs

Sunday Feb. 11, 6:30pm

Allegiant Stadium, Las Vegas

*****

Two climate activists threw soup at the glass protecting the famed Mona Lisa painting at the Louvre Museum in Paris.

- I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of priceless items being trashed like this! Do they not know that with inflation, cans of Tomato Soup are going for upwards of a buck thirty-nine EACH?!?!

*****

A new study claims that air pollution is making people lazier. Scientists claim that hazardous materials in the air are causing an extra 22 minutes of inactivity each day - and inactivity, they say, is bad for us.

- OR… we can look at it THIS WAY. The more we move… the faster we breath, thus the more of that polution we’re breathing in - leading to even MORE inactivity and MORE health problems! I’m no Doctor… but it seems to me, the smart move here is to just stay on the couch in the first place!

*****

Scientists in Japan have achieved a significant advancement in cyborg robotics by merging human tissue with a robot, enabling it to walk using muscle-powered gears.

- Come again?

*****

A recent survey finds that young adults are increasingly living with their parents and relying on them for financial support.

- The most interesting part of the survey is that they consider 50 year olds “Young Adults”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

JIM HARBAUGH LEAVING MICHIGAN TO BECOME HEAD COACH OF LA CHARGERS…

*****

On Wednesday, the FDA announced that they’re recalling all bottles of Robitussin Honey CF Max Day Adult and Robitussin Honey CF Max Nighttime Adult Cough Medicine due to "microbial contamination” that could lead to serious illness.

- Ironically, if people get sick from the syrup… Robitussin would have to Cough Up a whole lot of cash to settle in court!

*****

Hillary Clinton was caught on tape in Spain attempting to dance the Macarena with a bunch of Spanish Politicians.

- I’m no Len Goodman… but I saw the video and I can only describe Hillary’s dancing as… “Deplorable”.

*****

A woman recently took a pig into a Brazil Apple Store, let it relieve itself all over the floor, and didn’t offer to help clean it up.

- From what I’ve heard… lots of people text in the bathroom already… Can the Apple “iThrone” be far behind??

*****

A new study reveals that with Crime, the Migrant Crisis, and High Taxes… New York is one of the Worst States to retire to in 2024.

- “Start Spreading the News! I’m leaving today! I Want to be a Part of It… New York! New York!”

*****

A Transgender man (a man who was born a woman but “transitioned”) in Rome, Italy discovered that he was “expecting” after undergoing a mastectomy as part of his/her sex-swap surgery. Although he will give birth to her baby… He’ll/She’ll be listed on the birth certificate as the child’s father.

- She may be the first guy in history to get a “World Best Dad” coffee Mug on Mother’s Day. Or is that a “World’s Best Mom” Mug on Father’s Day?

*****

Official government statistics reveal that 7 out of 10 people in England have never ridden a bicycle.

- Not surprising, really. I've been to England and I’ve seen those Red Double Decker Bikes! No wait... Maybe those are buses I'm thinking of…

*****

Just weeks after a door fell off an Alaska Air plane mid-flight, a Delta flight was cancelled when it’s front tire ROLLED OFF the plane as it was taxi-ing down the runway for take-off.

- Remember the good old days when there would be some kind of emergency and the Flight Attendant would get on the mic and ask if there was a Doctor on board? Nowadays... they get on to ask if anybody on board is a mechanic.

*****

A football fan accidentally lit himself on fire after jumping onto a table with a grill on it at the Bills-Chiefs tailgate.

- So of course, the NFL cut to a shot of Taylor Swift dancing in her Sky Box!

*****

The future of the TV show “She-Hulk: Attorney at Law's” second season is uncertain. For those of you that don't know... "She-Hulk" is about The Incredible Hulk's female cousin who turns into a big green hulk when she gets angry during her court cases.

- Think Geoffrey Feiger with PMS.

*****

Former President Trump hit back against fears over his age, saying that there was a “big difference” between 77 and 80.

- I’m not a math major… but I did work in Radio and according to my calculations… the difference between 77 and 80 is…………….. 5. Your welcome!

*****

Meanwhile… Kim Kardashian is taking heat for offering a “Tiny Micro Thong” bathing suit bottom in her Valentine’s Day Collection that is so small… online fans say it wouldn’t be big enough to cover their “nether regions”.

- And let’s be honest, if it wouldn’t cover an average woman’s nether regions… there’s no chance it’s gonna cover Kim’s “nether” neither.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

- Dick

Use of the affected product could potentially result in "severe or life-threatening adverse events such as fungemia or disseminated fungal infection" in immunocompromised individuals, the public health agency said in a release.

Non-immunocompromised consumers are not as likely to be exposed to health risks as a result of using the impacted products, but "the occurrence of an infection that may necessitate medical intervention cannot be completely ruled out."

The over-the-counter cough syrups are meant to be used for the temporary relief of cold, flu, hay fever and other respiratory allergy symptoms.

*****

In the latest clip, Clinton can be seen being led onto the dance floor by the band, before taking center stage.

At first she seems to try out the moves, putting one hand out and then the other, but she quickly gives up.

She then stands there while the band sing, smiling, clapping and shifting from foot to foot.

The video was shared on Instagram by Spanish aristocrat Eugenia Martínez de Irujo, who threw the party in her honor.

Other guests of honor were David Bisbal and President of the Junta de Andalucía Juan Manuel Moreno Bonilla.

Some viewers pointed out that Clinton should have known the moves as it was played repeatedly throughout her husband Bill's campaigns.

But in a recently resurfaced video of the DNC in 1996, it seems Clinton didn't know the moves then either as she clapped her hands while other attendees carried out the routine

*****

Representative Dean Phillips (D-MN) said that President Biden has refused to speak to him since the House Democrat announced his rival candidacy. Joe didn’t answer the phone.

*****

Researchers from The Ohio State University reveal that the first few months of kindergarten play a critical role in a child’s academic success.

*****

A new study finds that plastic consumption in New Jersey spiked by nearly three times following the state’s implementation of a strict ban on single-use plastic shopping bags.

*****

A California woman earned a Guinness World Records title when a single strand of hair growing out of her bicep was measured at 7.24 inches long.

*****

A 16-year-old recently made headlines when she said her parents have spent around $3,000-dollars over the last year to help her maintain her Stanley cup fanaticism.

*****

Prince Harry & Meghan Markle made a surprise appearance in Jamaica for the “Bob Marley: One Love” movie premiere.

*****

“Squid Game” season 2 will officially drop on Netflix this year. In this season, 300 desperate Koreans are chosen to earn money in exchange for risking their lives by

Yeah, the first season of the fictional series featured contestants who risk death for cash.

*****

A leading Australian dentist says that Kanye West’s new titanium teeth could lead to infections if he doesn’t clean them properly.

*****

The Pro Volleyball Federation tipped off yesterday (Wednesday) for the league's inaugural season.

*****

Monroe, Louisianna.

For his part, Pittman was not initially visible when cops arrived and tangled with Smith and Johnson. But the 766-square-foot apartment did not offer an abundance of places to hide. In a probable cause affidavit, a Monroe Police Department officer said that cops had detected movement in the kitchen before entering the apartment. “Pittman was later located INSIDE the dryer in the kitchen area where officers had heard movement earlier,” reported Officer Serenity Smith.

*****

Reported a burglary because she was scared of the storm.

Johnson Circle, AL -- An Alabama woman called 911 to report a bogus burglary at her home because she was scared of “bad weather,” according to the police. Kelley Giniebra, 39, called the emergency dispatch center in her hometown of Dothan on Jan. 9, claiming that there was a burglary in progress at her home, the Dothan Police Department revealed in a press release Thursday.

When officers arrived at the woman’s house on Johnson Circle, they quickly determined that no break-in took place. “Ginibera had reported that in order to get officers to respond to her residence quicker due to her being scared of the bad weather,” police said. Dothan saw some “heavy intensity rain” on the day of the incident, according to information from world-weather.info.

*****

Oakland, CA -- They certainly weren’t inconspicuous. Wild video shows the moment a group of thieves in Oakland yanked an entire bank ATM out of the ground, hitched it to the back of a van with a rope, and then dragged the metal machine while speeding down a road, sending sparks flying through the air. The footage was captured by a bystander who couldn’t believe his eyes.

Two ATMS — including the one dragged by the van — were stolen Sunday from separate locations in the Californian city struggling with a rise in property crime, according to Oakland police. The automated teller machine in the video was stolen from the outside of a Bank of America on Hegenberger Road shortly before 7:30 a.m., the police department said.

“Multiple individuals” used tools to rip out the ATM before taking off with it — as shown in the video. The witness who filmed the wild heist said he saw three or four people involved in the theft. The other ATM was stolen from a nearby business on Alameda Avenue about an hour earlier. Oakland police announced that they arrested one suspect in connection to the Bank of America robbery. They took Anthony Pearson into custody the same day of the thefts, but are continuing to search for the other assailants.

*****

Lake Buena Vista, FL -- An Orlando man previously accused of attacking a Lynx bus because he was dropped off at Walt Disney World instead of SeaWorld is no longer facing criminal charges, according to Orange County court records. The 37-year-old man was arrested on Nov. 17, 2023 after he caused $500 in damage to a Lynx bus by punching and kicking the front glass door several times, causing it to break, according to an arrest affidavit from the Orange County Sheriff's Office.

This incident happened at the bus stop at Disney Springs. The Lynx bus driver told deputies he picked up the man at Lynx Central Station, and when they arrived to Disney Springs, he was asleep, the affidavit said. The bus driver told the man he had to get off the bus because it was his last stop, but that's when he "became irate with and started to yell and curse at him," the affidavit said. The man got off the bus, but stayed outside of it saying he needed to go to SeaWorld.

The bus driver didn't allow him back on the bus, and that's when he "punched the front door glass several times and then kicked the bottom glass of the front door causing it to break in a spider web pattern.” He then started walking toward Buena Vista Drive, where he was later located by deputies at the entrance of Typhoon Lagoon. He was arrested at the time for criminal mischief and was transported to the Orange County Booking and Release Center. On Jan. 10, Assistant State Attorney Aseye Akos Ablordeppey filed a no information notice, meaning the state won't file formal charges.

*****

Donald Trump and Joe Biden both won their Primaries in New Hampshire last night… Trump beating Nikki Haley and Biden winning as a write in candidate.

- Fasten your seatbelts everybody… We’ve got 10 more months until November.

*****

After scrapping plans to create a fully self-driving car, Apple announced that it will launch its own Electric Vehicle in 2028.

- They were going to make it just like the Apple Watch, but it turns out people thought it was too uncomfortable to strap their car to their wrist.

*****

Rapper 50 Cent posted pics of himself on Social Media showcasing a major weight loss… leading fans to guess that he was taking Ozempic - the diabetes drug that’s become popular for weight loss.

- He’s so thin… He’s now going by “25 Cent” or just simply “A Quarter”.

*****

Gwyneth Paltrow is out with her annual “Goop Valentine’s Day Gift Guide”… and, in keeping with her usual offerings, the guide includes plenty of risque-named candles, a pair of 14-carat Gold designer Hand-Cuffs, and more than a dozen different sex toys.

- As usual, Gwyneth’s guide is creating quite the buzz.

*****

Concerned scientists say that the melting Arctic permafrost could unleash ancient zombie viruses and trigger a catastrophic global health emergency.

- Either “Concerned Scientists” said that… or it’s the plot of a new show coming out on Netflix… I can’t remember which.

*****

“Mean Girls” added $11.7 million in its second weekend of release, bringing its domestic tally to $50 million.

- I haven't seen any previews for the movie... but from the Title, I'm assuming it's a documentary about the cast of "The View".

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

The Detroit Lions are the biggest underdog left in the playoffs, with their Super Bowl odds listed at 7-1.

Well I’m no Polly Purebred… but I’ve always been a big fan of Underdogs! GO LIONS!!

*****

Billy Joel says he’ll release a new single on February 1st… The song, rumored to be called “Turn the Lights Back On” will be the Piano Man’s first new song in 17 years.

- Billy’s 74… So “Turn The Lights Back On” tells the story of a guy getting up over and over again “In The Middle of The Night” go to the bathroom.

*****

Senator Tim Scott is engaged to marry his girlfriend Mindy Noce after proposing to her on the beach in South Carolina over the weekend.

- But the way things are going these days with people changing their endorsements… Pundits expect her to drop out of her engagement to Scott, and throw her romantic support behind Former President Trump later this week.

*****

An Arizona law may soon give residents a unique way to extend their stay on Earth — by being transformed into soil. House Bill 2081, which has been dubbed the “Grandpa in the Garden Bill,” seeks to legalize human composting so your relatives can be used as fertilizer for your plants.

- So now you don’t have to lose Grandma’s “Green Thumb” when she passes on… You can sprinkle it on your Zucchini in the Spring.

*****

Netflix has a new original documentary coming out next month called “Einstein and the Bomb”.

- It’s a follow up to their big hit documentary last month… “Einstein Brothers and the Bagel”.

*****

Singer Elle King (daughter of SNL alum Rob Schneider) admitted that she was drunk during her disastrous performance at Dolly Parton’s 78th birthday celebration in Nashville over the weekend - so much so that fans demanded their money back.

- Dolly was not in attendance… but she was kept abreast of the situation.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Travis Kelce’s brother Jason made headlines world wide after he jumped out of the skybox shirtless with a beer in his hand after his brother scored a touchdown during the Chiefs win over the Buffalo Bills Sunday night.

- The only way that could have gotten MORE attention… was if Taylor Swift had been the one to go Topless.

*****

And then there were Two...

Ron DeSantis ended his Presidential Campaign on Sunday... just two days ahead of tomorrow's New Hampshire Primary - and threw his support behind Trump. Now Trump and Nikki Haley will battle it out for NH’s 22 delegates.

- At this point, Christie Chris is the only former candidate who hasn’t thrown his weight behind Trump. (Which is probably safer for everyone).

*****

Due to the Democrats own rules, Joe Biden’s name WILL NOT appear on the Democrat Primary Ballot in New Hampshire… meaning voters who want Joe will have to Write his name in as their preferred candidate.

- Wow. Looks like Trump isn’t the only one Joe’s trying to keep off the ballot.

*****

A speaker at the World Economic Forum in Davos said "The coffee that we all drink emits between 15 and 20 tons of Co2 per ton... so Every time we drink coffee, we are basically putting Co2 into the atmosphere."

- Put another way... "The Best Part of Waking Up... Is Putting Co2 in the Atmosphere”… And since I love coffee… I’m okay with that!

*****

Madonna is being sued by two fans angry that her concert in NYC - which was held on a "weeknight" started two and a half hours late and didn't end until 1 in the morning making it hard for them to get up for work.

- Hey... If I made it out of a Madonna concert without needing medical attention , I'd consider myself lucky.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

It's National Thesaurus Day! And I for one am not only excited to celebrate... according to Roget, I'm thrilled...stimulated...frantic...delirious... crazy... titillated...overjoyed...jazzed... stirred up... giddy... and positively aflutter!

*****

Kanye West announced that he's had all of his teeth REMOVED and replaced with $850K TITANIUM dentures that are "More expensive than Diamonds".

- His mouth is now worth $850 Grand... and his ex-wife Kim Kardashian had her rear-end insured for $21 MILLION dollars. When those two die eventually… their kids are gonna have a heckuva time making heads or tails of their finances.

*****

Lake-effect snow is threatening to disrupt the Buffalo Bills yet again as they prepare to host the Kansas City Chiefs on Sunday in the divisional round.

- Let me tell you a little secret about Buffalo... It NEVER stops snowing in Buffalo. Never.

*****

A German man broke a Guinness World Record when he downed a cup of coffee in 3.12 seconds.

- Boy, the Germans are getting soft. In the 1930's, they could've downed a whole POT of coffee in 3 seconds and marched their way across Poland AT THE SAME TIME.

*****

A new study finds that drinking 100% Fruit Juice can lead to weight gain.

- A similar study found that dating O.J. ... can lead to an early death.

*****

A survey of food delivery orders by GrubHub.com found that the third most-popular food to be delivered in America in 2023 was.... Hash Browns. Coming in at #2: Cheeseburgers and the most ordered item in the country was... "The Burrito Bowl".

- I thought the Burrito Bowl was the College Football game they play on Cinco de Mayo.

*****

60-year-old Brad Pitt & his 32-year-old girlfriend Ines de Ramon were spotted on a rare date night at a Gallery in Beverly Hills, California.

- Wow. That’s a 28 year age difference! That means Ines was only five and starting Kindergarten when Brad was divorcing Jennifer Aniston to marry Angelina Jolie! Time flies when you’re having fun!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

It's "Popeye the Sailor Man Day"! And with temps in the single digits… It’s a lot more than “Me Timbers” that’s Shivering!!!

*****

Monday, Congressional investigators revealed that Chinese researchers isolated and mapped the virus that causes Covid-19 in late December 2019, AT LEAST TWO WEEKS before Beijing revealed details of the deadly virus to the world.

- So basically, the Secret is Out… The Chinese DID try to keep the Ancient Chinese Secret a Secret!

*****

Ratings for Monday night's Emmy Awards sunk to an All-time low of just 4.3 Million viewers... down significantly from last years previous historic low of just 6 Million.

- In case you missed it... Some people won. Some people lost. And as usual, I hadn't heard of 99% of the shows… or “Stars”… that were nominated.

*****

Two of three U.S. adults say they disapprove of President Biden’s job performance — a record for his presidency.

- But apparently, Dr. Jill and Hunter were both in bad moods when they responded to the survey.

*****

The five wealthiest people on Earth have seen their wealth skyrocket by 114% since 2020… Meaning Jeff Bezos, Warren Buffett, Bernard Arnault, Larry Ellison and Elon Musk are now worth a combined total of $869 BILLION.

- Oh sure that may sound impressive. But I’ll bet they still have trouble finding quarters for the Vacuum at the Car Wash… just like the rest of us!!!

*****

The Fort Worth Zoo in Texas offered the first look at the first baby lion to be born there since 2015.

- They were gonna release a pic sooner… but they wanted to give the baby lion a few years to decide what Gender it wanted to be.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Huge night for Trump as he crushed the competition in Iowa… getting 50% of the caucus vote… a record setting 30 points more than his nearest challengers Ron DeSantis and Nikki Haley who came in 2nd and 3rd respectively with 21.2% and 19.1% of the vote. Vivek Ramaswamay… who came in a distant, but respectable 4th, with 8% of the vote, dropped out of the race on the spot and threw his support 100% behind Trump and asked his followers to do the same.

This Just In… Former Arkansas Gov. Asa Hutchinson has just announced that he is dropping out of the race for the Presidency.

This Also Just In… I had no idea Asa Hutchinson was STILL IN the race for the Presidency.

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Speaking of Winners… Congrats to my home team Buffalo!!!!

The Bills demolished the Steelers yesterday 31-17 in their snow-postponed game in Buffalo. Meanwhile the Divisional Playoffs are set with the LIONS slated to play the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on Sunday January 21st at 3pm! GO LIONS!!!!

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Jason Kelce who plays for the Philadelphia Eagles and is the older brother of Taylor’s Swift’s Boyfriend, KC Chief’s tight end, Travis Kelce, announced last night after his team lost to Tampa Bay 32-9 that he is retiring after 13 seasons.

- Jason and Travis both have won Super Bowl Rings… but only one is about to present a certain Billionaire Musician with a different kind of ring this summer 👀!

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Elton John added another feather to his Duck-billed cap last night… when he became part of an elite group of 19 perfomers known as EGOTS… Those who have one an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony. At last nights Emmy’s, Sir Elton won for “Elton John: Farewell from Dodger Stadium”. He wasn’t there to accept the award because of a knee operations… but “screamed” when he heard he’d won.

- And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time til touchdown brings him round again to find. He’s not the man they think he is at home. Oh no no no. He’s an EGOT, man!

With his EGOT stature, John joins - among others - Mel Brooks, Andrew Lloyd Webber and Whoopi Goldberg, who are also EGOTS.

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80 year old Climate Czar John Kerry is stepping down from his role to help 81 year old Joe Biden’s re-election campaign.

- I guess they decided they needed to bring some “Young Blood” on board to freshen things up a bit.

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A new study revealed the best teas for constipation... and the winner is: Organic Senna Tea.

- Too bad Maxwell House Coffee already trademarked that theme line… “Good to the Last Drop”.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

For the first time in 32 YEARS… The Lions… OUR LIONS are the CHAMPIONS of the NFC NORTH after winning their first playoff game since the 1991 season last night with their 24-23 win over the LA Rams! Much of the game was a QB battle between the Lions QB Jared Goff and the Rams QB Matthew Stafford (who played 12 seasons with Detroit). Both looked pretty good… and I have to say I was personally disappointed when the fans booed Stafford. He gave a lot to this team. Not cool.

Next game for the Lions: TBD!

**********

Meanwhile… The Buffalo Bills… will play the Pittsburgh Steelers today at 4:30pm IN BUFFALO after that game was postponed due to snow yesterday. The Team has been paying local kids $20 bucks an hour to come shovel out the nearly 4 feet of snow that covered the stadium and all of Western New York over the weekend. If only I still had the shovel I used when I was a kid growing up in Kenmore, a suburb of Buffalo. (My dad didn’t may me $20 bucks an hour to shovel our driveway… that’s for sure!)

Go Bills!!!!

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The Lions weren’t the only Big Winners last night… 22 year old Madison Marsh a Second Lieutenant in the US Air Force and “Miss Colorado” added another crown last night… “Miss America”.

- They don’t carry the “Miss America” pageant on regular TV anymore... You have to “Stream It”. Personally, I shy away from anything that requires me to call a Urologist!!

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The 2024 Republican Primary officially gets underway today with the Iowa Caucuses set to begin at 8pm EST… The temperature in Des Moines right now is -4 degrees with a “Feels like” temp of minus 20.

- Weather and Politics go hand in hand… In fact, Political Pundits are saying it’s “Almost as cold as Bill & Hillary’s Bedroom”.

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This Just In… Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin has been released from the Hospital and will be “Working from home”.

- There are some jobs I just don’t think you can do adequately “From home”. For example… Secretary of Defense, Policeman, Gynecologist… Maybe it’s just me??

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Fruit Stripe, the decades-old gum brand that was known for its fruit-inspired flavors and zebra-print design is going bye-bye. The iconic gum, which has been sold since the 1960s, came in five flavors: Melon, Cherry, Lemon, Orange and Peach.

- This may not seem like a big story to you… but my daughters are having a hard time with it. Apparently Fruit Stripe gum was a BIG DEAL. They tell me they used to chew it while taking turns riding up and down the driveway on their Big Wheels!

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RIP… Joyce Randolph who played Trixie Norton, the upstairs neighbor, on “The Honeymooners” has died of natural causes. She was 99.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

We’re back! Techno glitch fixed… And thus, instead of Thursday’s blog, you get one today!

The forecast for Saturday nights AFC Wild Card Round Playoff Game between the KC Chiefs and the Miami Dolphins looks grim and not because of snow… but because of cold temps that could go as low as -30 degrees! They say that would be one of the coldest environments for an NFL playoff games in League history. But the NFL has not considered changing the location according to Fox Sports.

Meanwhile… Sunday’s 1pm game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Buffalo Bills could be moved out of Buffalo to Cleveland if Lake Effect Snow prompts a state of emergency to be declared in Western New York. That would be a huge blows to the Bills if they have to give up the Home Field advantage in the first round of the Playoffs.

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During Congressional testimony this week, Dr. Anthony Fauci admitted that the whole “Six Feet Apart Social Distancing” thing “just sort of appeared” and wasn’t based on any kind of scientific data.

- That News Again… They basically got the Official US Government Covid Social Distancing Policy from the HOKEY POKEY: “Put your right foot in, take your right foot out. Put your right foot in, and you shake it all about. Do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, that’s what it’s all about!”

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Fauci also said he’s “not convinced” that locking down schools and forcing kids to do “Online Learning” is what led to the dramatic decline in test scores across the country.

- Well duh! It had NOTHING to do with School Closures… It was obviously Climate Change!!!!

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Chris Christie dropped out of the race for the Presidency Thursday… narrowing the GOP field and making the DeSantis and Haley camps Happy.

- Now if Christie can just drop a hundred pounds, he’ll make his CARDIOLOGIST happy.

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Waymo will start testing its Robo-Taxis - self driving cars WITHOUT A HUMAN MONITOR on Phoenix freeways… beginning next month.

- And to make it more like a “real taxi ride”, the driverless car is programmed to take you out of your way, swear a lot, almost get in an accident, then overcharge you for the trip.

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A new survey shows that a hot shower, a glass of wine, and sex are a few of Americans' favorite ways to unwind at bedtime.

- And if you’re like most Americans, you can fit those all in between 10:50pm and 10:59pm and still be tucked in by 11 !

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Hundreds of hunters are expected to compete for cash and prizes in Arkansas' annual Squirrel-Hunting Competition this weekend.

- That must be somethin’ to see… At the end of the weekend… All those guys with their Trophy Squirrels strapped to the roof of their SUVS…

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Have a great weekend and I’ll see you back here Monday!

-Dick

What a few days for the Biden White House! Nobody seems to know who’s where… or who’s doing what…

It’s like one big game of… Whack a Mole!

This morning… Hunter Biden, his lawyer & the guy who pays a lot of his tax bills CRASHED a Congressional Hearing designed to debate whether or not he should be held in Contempt for defying a previous Subpeona. The stunt threw the hearing into chaos with plenty of yelling… with one Rep. even calling for Hunter to be “arrested right here, right now”. He was not.

- Between this and the Trump trials… Who needs Netflix?? 🍿

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National Security Spokesperson John Kirby admitted yesterday that President Biden had been completely unaware that Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin’s Prostate Cancer diagnosis for a MONTH… and didn’t know he had gone in for surgery before Christmas, nor that he had been rushed back to the ICU on January 1st.

- But rest assured, Kirby was extremely CLEAR about the complete lack of transparency!

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Only 23% of “Boomers”… those aged 11 to 26 years old… say they are Sports Fans, with experts saying things like short TikTok and YouTube videos making it hard for them to sit still for “A whole two or three hour football game”.

- Wow… If they can’t make it through a football game. Wait til they get married.

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Remember the guy caught on video last week leaping through the air to attack a Judge about to rule on his assault case? Well he was back in front of that SAME judge for sentencing yesterday… and she gave him up to 48 months for Felony Battery.

- So bottom line: He threw himself at her… and then she Threw the Book at him.

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Calls are growing for the governing body of Harvard to be FIRED and a full-scale Congressional investigation be launched into how it covered up allegations that University President Claudine Gay was a Plagiarist.

- I’m all for getting to the bottom of this… but are we really sure that CONGRESS is the best group to investigate allegations of STEALING??

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An Orlando man will send his mother's remains to deep space aboard the Vulcan rocket.

- He also tried to send his Mother-in-Law into Space last year but it didn’t work out… It might have had something to do with the fact that she was still ALIVE at the time.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

HAIL TO THE VICTORS!

Congrats to the Michigan Wolverines who are the 2024 NATIONAL CHAMPIONS after last night’s decisive 34-13 win over the Washington Huskies!

This is Michigan’s first National Championship of the millennium, with their last coming in 1997. That was 27 years ago! We didn’t have Smartphones or Self-Driving Cars back then… and the biggest Political Scandal was Bill Clinton’s sexual escapades.

- I guess the more things change… The more some things stay the same.

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A new study reveals that exposing toddlers to screen time can lead to difficulties in processing their surroundings.

- Well this is really bad news for Apple’s New “Inter-Uterus-My-First-iPhone” they were planning on marketing to the lucrative “Pre-Born” market.

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A new Delaware bill aims to allow bird hunting on Sunday.

- Not surprisingly, the Bird Hunting Bill is supported by both the Left Wing & Right Wing of Congress.

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A Russian singer has been arrested for performing a concert wearing nothing but a Sock on his…. Manhood… and has been charged with “Minor Hooliganism”.

- The singer’s lawyer says his client, “Will take responsibility for his actions… but ‘takes exception’ with the characterization that his ‘Hooligaism’ was ‘Minor’”.

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The “Drunkards Association of Ghana” have taken up the challenge to set a Guinness World Record by having a one-week non-stop drinking party. FYI… This is serious business: The Ghana Drunkards Association have more than 10 million members.

- They even have a theme song: Prince’s “Tonight we’re Ghana Party Like It’s 1999!”.

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A new study proves that mice can indeed recognize themselves in the mirror.

- And, as it turns out, they think they look “Fat”… just like the rest of us.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Tonights the Night!

Michigan v. Washington

Game time: 7:30pm

The Michigan Wolverines and Washington Huskies, both 14-0 face off tonight for the 2024 College Football Playoff national title. GO BLUE!!!!!

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“Oppenheimer” took home the award for Best Film at last night’s Golden Globes Awards.

- It’s the biggest “Bomb” in Hollywood history… with the exception of Jeffrey Epstein’s list.

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Taylor Swift was in the audience at the Golden Globes last night and didn’t seem too happy when the emcee made a joke about her getting less camera time there, than she does during an NFL game.

- Hey Taylor… “Shake it Off”!!!

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So… over the weekend, it was disclosed that Lloyd Austin, the Secretary of Defense, had been Hospitalized for 3+ days following a mysterious “elective surgery” before letting anyone - including President Biden or Congress - know. They say they been told Austin was “Working from home” - despite the fact that he was actually in INTENSIVE CARE.

- Let me get this straight… We’re involved in two wars, terrorists groups are firing missiles at our soldiers and ships overseas, we have American hostages still being held in Gaza… and the SECRETARY OF DEFENSE decides he doesn’t need to call in sick??

- I’m starting to think we don’t live in a real country anymore. It’s more like some kind of bizarre reality show… like “The Biggest Loser” meets “Survivor”.

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Donald Trump is calling for Defense Sec. Austin to be fired immediately… citing his “failure to disclose his whereabouts as in the hospital… as grounds for immediate dismissal”… but the Biden Administration says they have full faith in him and are “Looking forward to having him back at the Pentagon”.

- The White House did admit that they’re going to take away Austin’s toy soldiers and put him in a time out, “So he can think about what he did!”

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A new survey of employers found that 40% admit they avoid hiring Gen Z workers (those aged 11 to 26).

- Although the 11 year olds were “Top Choice Hires” for Lemonade Stands.

One in five employers surveyed also reported college graduates bringing a parent with them when they interview for a job.

- Well, duh! Who do you think in going to buy them lunch after the interview?

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According to officials, 374 Pounds of Cocaine washed up on the shores of Australian beaches on the 22nd of December.

- At least SOMEBODY had a White Christmas.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

-So the first batch of names came out in connection to Jeffrey Epstein and it reads like a who’s who in Politics and Hollywood…Prince Andrew… Al Gore… Stephen Hawking… Naomi Campbell… and Bill Clinton who was mentioned more than 50 times.

- And it also reads suspiciously like Santa’s “Naughty” List from a couple weeks ago.

More documents and names are set to be released today. Stay tuned…

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Washington, D.C. residents received free Apple AirTags this week to help them locate their cars in the event they're stolen. It’s part of the cities response to a dramatic increase in crime including car theft in D.C.

- They should give us all Air Tags to put in our Taxes. That way we’ll know when our money arrives in Ukraine!

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A new study suggests that speaking to babies in “sing-song” speech, such as nursery rhymes, is the most effective method for teaching them to talk.

- It’s also a great way to approach Potty-Training! Might I recommend my personal favorite… “Tinkle, Tinkle… Little Star…”

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Recently resigned Harvard President Claudine Gay - who stepped down amid accusations of plagiarism - will remain on staff as a Professor and will still likely earn her nearly $900,000 a year salary.

- Which she plans to put away for retirement, writing, “A Penny Saved, is a Penny Earned!”

- Well put, Ms. Gay. Well, put!

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Health experts say you can expect a “healthy mix” of coronavirus, influenza, RSV, and other cold viruses going around this winter.

- A “Healthy mix”? Really?

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According to animal experts, a Capuchin Monkey who escaped from a sanctuary in Ireland is likely on the hunt for a mate.

- They could tell the monkey escaped in Ireland because after he got out, he went to a pub, got drunk on Banana Schnapps, and passed out singing “Danny Boy”.

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Disney’s 95 year copyright on Mickey Mouse ran out this week… meaning Mickey is now in the Public Domain… and - not surprisingly - is already the subject of a new horror movie: The “Mickey Mouse Trap” - about a deranged serial killer dressed in a Mickey Mouse costume who chases a bunch of teens around an arcade at an amusement park hits theaters this March.

- The only thing that will kill you faster is the $15 Cookies ‘n Cream Funnel Cake with Whipped Cream and Chocolate Sauce you get next to “Dumbo the Flying Elephant”.

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An Australian man set a new Guinness World Record by putting on 10 pair of underpants in only 13.03 seconds.

- Why?

- The REAL question is… How fast can he get 10 pair of underpants OFF??

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

The NY Times, the Rev. Al Sharpton and other liberal outlets and activists are blaming Harvard President Claudine Gay’s resignation yesterday on “Racism”… saying she was forced out of her job because she’s a black woman, NOT because she failed to condemn calls for the genocide of Jews on campus or Plagiarized more than 50 times.

- Well message received! Or as Claudine would say… “Copy that”.

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When asked by Ryan Seacrest what foods he’d been enjoying over the Holidays, President Biden had to be reminded by First Lady Jill Biden that he’d been having a lot of his favorite food - ice cream.

- Hey… I promised we’d bring you all the latest Scoops this year! Well, there ya go!

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UPDATE: The list of people who flew on Jeffrey Epsteins plane and/or flew to his island that was supposed to be released yesterday has been moved by the Judge to January 22nd… because one woman whose name is reportedly on the list complained to the Judge. More info when available…

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This just in… The Surgeon General of Florida, Joseph A. Ladapo, has just called for a HALT to all mRNA Covid Vaccines - the kind made by Pfizer and Moderna - due to Public Safety Concerns.

- While I appreciate the warning… I REALLY would have appreciated it say… three years ago.

- So if you were thinking about getting your 3,759th booster this week, you might want to think again…

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TSA agents at LaGuardia Airport in NYC found 17 bullets concealed inside a disposable baby diaper in a man’s carry-on.

- With six kids… I changed a lot of “Loaded Diapers” in my day… but never like this.

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Think you’re doing your body a favor by going for that Plant-Based Burger? Think again… A new study of plant based sandwiches, burgers and pizza from fast food restaurants in 5 countries found that each of the “Vegan” options contained LESS protein and sodium, More carbs and sugar, and MORE calories overall than their “regular menu” items.

- I found this out the hard way. You should check out the “Plant Based Spare Tire” around my waist.

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Huge announcement out of Hollywood this morning: The next Star Wars film will be directed by a feminist activist & former journalist… with a theme “centered around feminism”.

- So look for Darth Vader to say, “Luke, You have Two Mothers!”

- And instead of wearing a dress and putting her hair in braided buns on the side of her head, Princess Leia dons a Power Pants Suit, dyes her hair blue, and identifies as a Pan-Sexual Storm Trooper.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick