Huge blow for the Lions… Looks like Aidan Hutchinson is out for the season after a horrible injury during yesterday’s game against the Cowboy’s left him with a broken tibia. Hutchinson underwent immediate surgery at a local hospital in Dallas. A replay of the play showed that the area near his ankle was the point of impact with his teammate’s leg and it appeared that Hutchinson almost immediately said “I broke it” as he was down on the ground in pain. Best wishes for a successful recovery!

On a bright note…

Congrats to the Lions who obliterated the Cowboys in Dallas yesterday 47-9… marking one of the top five worst losses suffered by the Cowboys in team history and the worst defeat by the Cowboys at home this Century. To add insult to injury for Dallas… it was Cowboy’s team owner Jerry Jones 82nd Birthday.

How well did the Lions play? Tom Brady said, “That’s a team I’d love to play for”.

*****

Happy Columbus Day! Or as it’s known by some - including Kamala Harris - “Indigenous People’s Day”.

In a speech this morning Kamala said "Since 1934, every October the United States has recognized the voyage of the European explorers who first landed on the shores of the Americas. Those explorers ushered in a wave of devastation for tribal nations – perpetrating violence, stealing land, and spreading disease.”

-Can’t you just feel the JOY??

*****

Country singer Brantley Gilbert in the middle of his concert when his manager rushed on stage to say that Brantley’s very pregnant wife had gone into labor in the tour bus. Brantley explained the situation to the crowd, ran and helped deliver the own baby, then went back on stage and finished the show!

- This is such a great story!!!! Fingers crossed the baby’s his! (I’m just kidding… but he is a Country singer… something usually cheats on somebody in those songs, right??)

*****

Boeing sent out a memo to everyone in the Company announcing that it’s laying off 17,000 employees.

NOTE TO BOEING: Don’t fire any of the guys who check to make sure the doors are screwed on tightly when the planes are in the air. Thanks.

*****

A new study finds that the end of the world won’t come from a swarm of deadly asteroid strikes.

-Rats. The way things are going lately, the whole “getting hit by by an Asteroid” was starting to sound like a pretty good option.

*****

New research suggests that pet owners should introduce cats and dogs gradually to prevent fighting.

- They say if you introduce them too quickly, they’ll end up fighting like… like… well I can’t thing of a good analogy right now, but you know what I mean.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

PRAYERS FOR EVERYONE IN FLORIDA… as Monster Hurricane Milton barrels towards Florida. As of this morning, two tornados have already touched down on the East side of the state… no injuries reported. The storm is expected to make landfall sometime after midnight tonight with catastrophic winds, rain & most significantly = a storm surge of up to 15 feet. As of this writing… Sarasota, South of Tampa seems to be in the bullseye.

*****

Passengers on a Qantas flight from Australia to Japan were shocked after an “adult movie” movie was played on every screen due to a technical issue.

- I thought they weren’t allowed to serve nuts on planes anymore because of allergy issues.

- Let’s just say the tray tables weren’t the only things in their full and upright position.

*****

CBS News & their flagship show “60 Minutes” are taking major heat after if was discovered that they heavily edited Kamala Harris’s answers to make her look better. They allegedly even edited in the answer to a DIFFERENT QUESTION in order to make Kamala’s answer look like it made sense as opposed to the long, rambling answer she gave in the actual interview.

-To paraphrase the late Andy Rooney… “Did you ever wonder… what would make the most famous News Network in history completely throw away its reputation?”

NOTE: The Trump campaign is now demanding that @CBSNews release the full unedited interview.

*****

Kamala has been on a Media Blitz this week… appearing on Howard Stern, Late Night with Stephen Colbert and The View. But she shocked everyone - including her own campaign staff yesterday - when Sonny Hostin asked her if there’s anything she would have done differently than Joe Biden over the last 4 years and Kamala answered, “Not a thing that comes to mind”.

- Not at the Border? Or Afghanistan?

*****

California has become the first State in the country to ban certain Red, Blue, Yellow and Green Colored Food Dyes from the meals served in School cafeterias.

- Which blends perfectly with Reading, Writing and Arithmetic… which have also been banned from being taught in California Schools since 2020.

*****

New England Patriots veteran safety Jabrill Peppers was arrested on charges including drug possession and “strangulation”.

- "Soccer players are rarely arrested for Strangulation. I’m no Criminologist… but I’m bettin’ it has something to do with the fact that they're not allowed to use their hands.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Florida is bracing for Hurricane Milton… which is now expected to make landfall early Thursday morning as a Category 4 storm - most likely in the Tampa Bay Area. Mandatory Evacuations have been ordered up and down the West Coast of Florida - with a massive storm surge anticipated. FL Gov. Ron DeSantis has mobilized all State resources ahead of the storm & President Biden - who cancelled a planned trip overseas - says FEMA will have $$ to assist, despite Homeland Security Secretary Mayorkas saying FEMA is out of Money. Stay tuned... 🙏🙏🙏

*****

Amazon Prime Day 2024 starts today and runs through Wednesday at midnight!

That's right... It's your chance to SAVE BIG on stuff you absolutely DO NOT NEED!!!!

Don't miss it!!!

*****

Speaking of shopping...

Costco’s website shows that 1-ounce gold bars were available for purchase for $2,689.99 before taxes, but are now sold out.

But on a bright note… I did the math and if you’re looking to invest in Hot Dogs, that $2600 will get you One- Thousand Seven-Hundred and Ninety-three of those Giant All Beef Hot Dogs at the Costco Food Court!

*****

According to a new poll, Memphis, Tennessee now ranks as the “Most Unsafe City in America”.

So next time you go “Walking in Memphis” you might want to take some pepper spray and a pair of brass knuckles.

*****

A new study suggests that blood pressure readings may not be accurate unless a person’s arm is positioned correctly.

- For example… if you take your blood pressure while your forearm is extended up and your middle finger is pointing straight up in the air… chances are your BP reading will be "Extremely High”.

*****

A man running for Congress in Virginia is in trouble for allegedly "borrowing" a friend’s family for a campaign video. He’s not married… so he decided to use his friends wife and kids in his campaign materials to come off more "family friendly".

- Why didn't Joe Biden think of this? He could have just said Hunter wasn't really his!

*****

A 7-year-old Chinese boy who had been complaining about a mysterious bad smell for two years had a metal screw stuck in his left nostril.

- Well that blows.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

NEVER FORGET - 10/7/2023

One year ago today… Hamas terrorists invaded Israel resulting in the mass murder of nearly 1200 people - including over 30 Americans. More than 250 people were also kidnapped that day. 101 hostages remain in captivity as of this writing. The events of that day led to the current War in the Middle East.

*****

As North Carolina and other states reel from the unprecedented devastation of Hurricane Helene… another monster storm - Hurricane Milton - is barreling toward the Gulf Coast of Florida. Now another Category 4 Storm… Milton… is expected to make landfall Wednesday night into Thursday morning. Evacuation warnings are in effect up and down the West Coast of the state with heavy rain, wind and a 8-10 foot storm surge expected. Stay tuned…

*****

According to a new study, 60% of the average American's diet comes from ultra-processed foods like chips, soda and ice cream.

- The other 40% eat “Soda & Ice Cream Flavored Chips”. Yum.

*****

A Florida woman broke off her engagement with groom-to-be - to marry her maid of honor.

- Is this an actual news story or the plot of an upcoming movie on the Lifetime Channel?

*****

Over the weekend, Vanderbilt fans celebrated their victory over Alabama by ripping out the goalpost and dumping it in the Cumberland River.

I miss the old fashioned days when kids would just set the couches on fire at Cedar Village up at MSU.

*****

In Brooklyn, New York, police found a gang of squatters who had taken over an abandoned $4 MILLION House.

- Well they didn’t expect one squatter to keep up a $4MILLION home all by themselves did they?

*****

Amazon’s Streaming TV service has scrapped plans for a re-do of the “Who's the Boss?”.

Instead… they’re going to aim a camera at the White House and let everyone guess!

*****

Dolly Parton donated $1 MILLION for Hurricane Relief.

-She says if necessary, she’s also willing to step in and offer her chest up as a flotation device.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

The UN is holding an emergency meeting this morning after Iran's unprecedented attack against Israel yesterday... Israel vowed Iran "will pay" for firing a record 180 Missiles - the largest single attack since World War II according to military experts - and says retaliation will come “swiftly”. Stay tuned...

*****

So... Did you watch it? Last night's Vice Presidential Debate between Tim Walz and J.D. Vance? What did you think? I thought Walz did better than expected. Vance was cool and seemed very confident. Walz got better as time went on - with help from the moderators who were - once again - firmly on team Harris. Thoughts??

*****

Meanwhile... Shocking allegations out of London's Daily Mail this morning... Vice President Kamala Harris's husband, First Gentlemen Doug Emhoff allegedly assaulted an ex-girlfriend in May of 2012. According to three witnesses, Emhoff allegedly slapped the woman in the face "so hard it spun her around" when he became angry that she was flirting with another man while they waiting in a Valet Line at a Film Festival Event in Cannes, France.

No comment yet from the Harris campaign…

*****

The White House celebrated former President Jimmy Carter’s milestone centennial birthday yesterday by placing a giant “100” sign on the WH North Lawn.

- But there was a tense moment when Joe Biden walked across the lawn saw the sign and started yelling... 100? I'm 100?? Boy… that was a longer nap than a I thought.

*****

An 81-year-old model fell short in her bid to become the oldest Miss Universe contestant after competing in the South Korean pageant against much younger rivals. Choi Soon-hwa lost to a 22 year old... but did walk away with the "Best Dresser" Award.

- You know what they say... Always the Grandmother of the Bridesmaid. Never the Grandmother of the Bride!

*****

An unidentified buyer at a Charity Auction in Texas paid $4000 for a guitar once played by Taylor Swift... then promptly smashed the guitar to bits. Why you ask? He said he was, “Trying to be funny”.

- Pretty expensive joke. $4000.

*****

66-year-old Madonna posted photos with her new 28-year-old boyfriend, Jamaican soccer player Akeem Morris.

- Madonna says their relationship works great because A) Akeem’s young. and B) Unlike the Soccer rules, Madonna lets him use his hands during their games.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Happy 100th Birthday to Jimmy Carter!

*****

Vice Presidential Candidates Tim Walz and J.D. Vance will face off in the first and only scheduled VP Debate tonight… The event - hosted by CBS starts at 9pm and runs for 90 minutes.

- Pundits expect the situation in Springfield, Ohio to come up a lot which could make this the first CAT FIGHT in history between Two Guys.

*****

At midnight last night… 45,000 Dockworkers went on strike for the first time since 1977… shutting down ports all along the East and Gulf Coasts. Experts say the strike could cost the US economy BILLIONS per day and make it hard to get everything from Cars to Fruit to Furniture.

-Well this year just keeps getting better doesn’t it?

*****

The Governor of California, Gavin Newsom has made it illegal to serve Froot Loops in school cafeterias.

-So let me get this straight: They’ve got a Fruit Loop sitting in the Governor’s Mansion… but you’re not allowed to serve them in the Cafeteria?

*****

A new survey finds that a good portion of people spend their Sundays terrified of the week ahead… with the average American admitting they experience the “Sunday Scaries” 36 times a year.

- When did we become such a nations of wimps? I only get scared on Sundays maybe 20-25 times a year - TOPS!

*****

A confused sea lion wandered up onto a California highway and ended up getting a police escort to a rehabilitation facility.

- Where - amazingly - he ran into Charlie Sheen, fell in love and the two moved into a fabulous $20 MILLION Malibu Condo together!

*****

RIP… Pete Rose, who won two World Series titles with his hometown Cincinnati Reds and broke the all-time hits record died Monday. He was 83. Known as Charlie Hustle for his aggressive and showy style — Rose’s reputation took a huge hit when he was caught betting on baseball - including his own team. Because of that… he was never allowed into the Baseball Hall of Fame - despite a record that more than earned him a place there. 4,256 hits in all. Amazing.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Thoughts and Prayers to everyone affected by the devastation of Hurricane Helene. As of this writing… the death toll has risen to 107 in the affected states with hundreds still missing or unaccounted for. Whole towns in Florida through Georgia, the Carolinas even Kentucky and Tennessee have been wiped off the map - and washed out roads and bridges are making it nearly impossible for rescuers and emergency crews to get through. Cell service is almost non existent and if not for Elon Musk’s “Starlink” - there would be virtually no communication. Victims need food, water and medication. I encourage you to reach out to a Charity you trust and give what you can! 🙏🇺🇸

*****

A new study found that drinking water DOESN’T Help when it comes to getting over a Hangover.

So I guess you’re supposed to stick with the old “Hair of the Dog that Bit Ya”. Or as they call it in Springfield, Ohio, “The Hair of the Cat You Ate”. (Just kidding!)

*****

Pamela Anderson debuted a hot pink hairstyle over the weekend.

- But nobody noticed until she yelled… “Looked up! Look up!” 😂

*****

An India-based hotel operator is set to purchase Motel 6 - America's most popular motel chain in a $525 MILLION all-cash deal.

- So America’s Motel 6 is gonna be based in INDIA?? Holy Cow!

*****

The Tigers lost 9-5 to the White Sox last night… but because they won the day before - they’re in the Play-offs! Their first game will be against the Houston Astros - Tomorrow at 2:30pm! Go Tigs!

*****

RIP… Kris Kristofferson, the Grammy-winning singer-songwriter known for his leading role in 1976’s “A Star Is Born,” died Saturday at his home in Maui. He was 88.

RIP… Basketball Hall of Famer and eight-time NBA All-Star Dikembe Mutombo has died at the age of 58 following a battle with brain cancer.

RIP… John Asthon, best known for his role as Detective Sergeant John Taggart in the"Beverly Hills Cop" films, has died. He was 76.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

BREAKING…. NYC Mayor Eric Adams has been indicted on Bribery, Fraud and Campaign Finance Charges involving Foreign Influence (from Turkey) … His home was raided and his cell phone has been seized. Adams - who is a Democrat - says he is being targeted by the Biden DOJ because he spoke out against the flood of migrants in the city … Details as they become available…

*****

Not much to laugh about in the “Diddy” case… but there is this: When asked why the investigators found 1000 bottles of Baby Oil near one the the “Sex Rooms” in his Los Angeles mansion, his attorney said, “Well there’s a Costco down the street from Diddy’s house… You know American’s like to buy in bulk”.

- That’s true. I bought a couple cases of Paper Towels, a Dozen Salmon Burgers and a two-pack of Rolaid’s and I was like… let’s party!

*****

A new report confirms that Freddie Prinze Jr. will return to the horror world of “I Know What You Did Last Summer” in the upcoming follow up film.

But at this point… everybody is just waiting around for the previews to find out what “Diddy Did Last Summer and Exactly WHO HE DID IT WITH”.

*****

A new study finds that nearly 1 in 3 Americans may have an undiagnosed iron deficiency. This problem can lead to fatigue, brain fog, difficulty concentrating and memory issues.

- Not only that… but it can lead to memory issues, too!

*****

Crazy video captured Eight bulls escaping from a rodeo event at a Massachusetts Mall Sunday afternoon … People ran for their lives as the bulls crashed through a chainlink fence, thru the parking lot and onto a main road. As of this writing… one of the bulls remains on the loose.

No word on where the Bulls and their Bull**** were headed… but I’m betting it was somewhere in the vicinity of Washington, D.C.

*****

The Post Office wants stamp prices to rise five times between now and 2027… but won’t say how high prices will eventually go. The price of a first class stamp currently stands at 73 cents… Believe it or not. It was just .10 cents in 1972 and .34 cents in 2002.

- Well you know what they say about Stamp Prices… If you can’t beat em… lick em.

*****

A recent survey claims that the age at which life, money, and the future start to feel “real” for most Americans isn’t until age 27.

- And the age you decided you liked it better when it wasn’t “real” and you want to go back to being a kid again? 27 and 1/2.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

This morning, the Senate released it’s scathing report on the Assassination Attempts on Donald Trump and the failures of the Secret Service to protect him… “A Perfect Storm of Stunning Failure”/Yesterday, Trump’s would be Golf-course assassin, Ryan Wesley Routh was charged with his attempted assassination/The former President has been briefed by the National Intelligence Agency about at least 5 ONGOING threats to his life from Iran.

- We are living in very dangerous and frightening times.

*****

Kamala Harris is set to sit down with MSNBC host Stephanie Ruhle tonight, for her first solo interview with a major news network since becoming the Democrat nominee. But critics note the sit-down will be taped, edited and that Ruhle is a big fan of the Harris Campaign.

-I don’t want to spoil anything… but I have heard rumors that, “Kamala is from a middle class family and grew up in a neighborhood where people really care about their lawns”.

*****

Disgraced former Trump attorney Michael Cohen - who testified against him and for Stormy Daniels in Trump’s Hush Money trial - says he’ll have no choice but to “Change his name and flee the country” if Donald Trump is elected.

- I think “Stormy Cohen” has a nice ring to it. What do ya think? 😂

*****

A looming strike by 45,000 dock workers could mean some popular fruits will be harder to find on grocery store shelves this fall.

- I don’t know about you guys, but as long as things are good at the Dark Chocolate Raisinette Factory… I’m good. 😎

Wait a sec… Are the dock workers the same guys who actually pick the Caramel Apples off the trees and put them in the shipping boxes or are those two separate groups of people? Either way… Hats off!!!

*****

California is the latest and largest state to require its Schools to restrict or ban cellphone use in the classroom.

Teachers say it’s had no impact so far… but that’s probably since most of the kids had their phones stolen on their way to school.

*****

According to a new survey, the most popular adult Halloween costume this year is a Witch.

- The hard part is deciding whether to go as “Young Nancy Pelosi” or “Old Nancy Pelosi”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

This just in… NFL Hall of Famer Brett Favre says he was recently diagnosed with Parkinson's disease at the age of 54. The Packers legend made the announcement while speaking at a Congressional hearing on welfare misspending and reform. Stay tuned…

*****

Bruce Springsteen turned 75 yesterday…

At his age, Bruce is doing less “Dancing in the Dark” and more “Getting up in the Middle of the Night Every Half Hour to Go to the Bathroom".

*****

A confused-looking President (?) Biden forgot which world leader he was supposed to introduce at a press conference over the weekend. After an uncomfortable silence he yelled into the microphone, “WHO’S NEXT??” then seemed not to recognize the Prime Minister of India.

- ”Sharp as a tack”. Enough said.

*****

Jennifer Lopez's beauty brand, JLo Beauty, made a small blunder by posting a pic of Jen wearing a necklace with the name “BEN” on it. Jen - of course - is in the middle of getting a divorce from her 4th husband “Ben” Affleck.

- At this point, I’m sure JLo’s just happy they didn’t post one of the pics of her wearing a necklace that says “Diddy”. (Yup… JLo and Diddy dated from 1999 to 2001)

*****

A study published in “Personality and Individual Differences” found that men are more willing to be lured into danger for women with a high-pitched voice.

- Which is why when it comes to Emergencies, Caitlyn Jenner is pretty much on her own.

*****

A recent survey has revealed Miami, Florida, to be the “rudest” city in the U.S. based on responses from participants in 46 of America’s largest cities.

- Well, duh. Half of New York City has moved to Miami in the last four years.

Philadelphia was named the second rudest city in the Country.

So much for that whole “City of Brotherly Love” thing…

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

This just in… The Biden/Harris DOJ released the first page of a letter written by would-be Trump assassin Ryan Wesley Routh in which he admitted that he failed in trying to take the life of the former president. Routh also offered $150,000 for anyone who could “Finish the job”

Question: Why would the DOJ release this letter to the public? Did they think it was just cheaper than taking out a Want Ad???

*****

Routh - a virulent Anti-Trumper had apparently written the letter several months in advance and left it with a friend with instructions to open in the event “that something happened to him”. Investigators said he had Googled routes to Mexico - so apparently had planned to make it out alive.

- Well look at that! He had something in common with Trump after all!

*****

A Scandanavian Airlines flight from Norway to Spain had to make an emergency landing after a live mouse scampered out of a woman’s pre-packaged in-flight meal.

-On a bright note… They didn’t charge her extra for having an Emotional Support Animal.

*****

Kamala Harris raised eyebrows during her sit down with Oprah Thursday night when she said that if anybody broke in to her house, they’d get shot.

- Although the way she said it… I wasn’t sure if maybe she was saying she’d invite the burglar in to DO shots?? I’ll have to watch it again. (Btw… the special was streamed from Detroit)

*****

Amazon shocked employees by telling them they’ll be expected to report to the office five days a week starting in January.

- Nobody’s more ticked off that some woman named “Alexa” who says she’s gotten really used to “Phoning it in”.

*****

Tupperware, known the world over for its plastic food storage containers, has filed for bankruptcy after years of falling popularity and financial troubles.

- But you know what they say… It ain’t over til the fat lady burps the final bowl.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Kamala Harris will be in Michigan tonight for a two-hour live stream campaign event with none other than Oprah Winfrey.

- Kamala says she really hopes, “Oprah uses her voice to help support my campaign”. TRANSLATION: “I’m hoping she gives everybody a FREE CAR in exchange for their vote.”

*****

A zoo in China was forced to admit that the rare breed of Pandas they had on display at their Zoo - “Panda Dogs” were actually just two Chow-Chow dogs painted black and white - after one of the fake “Bears” started panting and barking as visitors looked on.

- Wow. Usually if you want to see a “Cheap knock off from China” you have to go shopping at your nearby Dollar Store.

*****

This just in… Cedar Point is getting a NEW ROLLER COASTER IN 2025! Siren’s Curse, is set to open next year and is billed as North America’s “tallest, longest and fastest tilt ride”. The park is remaining tight lipped… but we do know this: Height: 160 feet. Speed: 58 mph. Duration: two minutes.

- Chances of me throwing out my back: 99%

*****

REO Speedwagon announced that - due to an ongoing dispute between band members - they will permanently retire from Touring in January of 2025.

- REO tried to handle their irreconcilable differences… but bottom line? “They Can’t Fight That Feeling Anymore”. (Loved that song… REO is one of the few “Rock Bands” whose music I actually enjoyed!)

*****

Hunters removed nearly 200 invasive Burmese pythons from the Florida Everglades during 2024’s “Florida Python Challenge” this summer.

Now that’s what I call “Draining the Swamp”.

*****

According to a new survey, 1 in 5 people say drinking a fresh cup of coffee is better than making love - while the other 4 say sex is better.

So apparently “Folgers in your Cup” ISN’T actually “The BEST part of waking up”.

*****

According to Legal experts, more and more people are leaving a big chunk of their estate to their PETS in their Will…. in addition to - or instead of - leaving it to the their children.

- Did you hear that daughters? Oh who am I kidding? Sometimes I get the feeling they don’t read this blog! 😂

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Diddy or Didn’t He?

Sean “Diddy” Combs spent the night in a NYC jail after a judge denied bail following his arrest on racketeering and sex trafficking charges. Combs is accused of holding bizarre hotel “Freak Offs” that included physical and sexual abuse. So called “Insiders” say Diddy is just the tip of the iceberg and that this story may involve a lot of other “well known” names. If convicted on the current charges, Diddy could face a minimum of 15 years and a maximum of life in prison.

Stay tuned…

*****

Lauren Sánchez spoke to “Extra” about her upcoming wedding to Amazon Founder Jeff Bezos, saying she is “most excited to marry the man of my dreams.”

- Gee… I wonder if it’s his bald head or his $204 BILLION Net Worth that makes up the “Dream” part?

*****

A day after a failed assassination attempt on Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton said Monday that the former president posed a "danger to our country and the world."

- Good to see Hillary’s “toning down the rhetoric”.

*****

Elon Musk is predicting that we’ll have crewed SpaceX flights to Mars by the year 2028.

- I don’t even care what the weather’s like on Mars… as long as they're not having a Presidential Election there, I’m going!

*****

According to a new study of 350.000 Chinese adults, drinking 3 Cups of Coffee a day - could lower your risk of heart disease, diabetes and stroke. But researchers warn that having a 4th cup could actually INCREASE your risk of heart problems.

-Not only that… but if you have that 4th cup… you’ll be up all night WORRYING about your heart.

*****

A Vero Beach, Florida man was arrested after he broke into a home, took off all his clothes, and cooked a pot of spaghetti.

- Cops said everything was going fine until he started serving up his “World Famous Meatballs”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Well here we are again. Unbelievable. Yesterday there was a second Assassination Attempt on the life of former President Donald Trump… 58 year old Ryan Wesley Routh (a pro-Ukraine activist) managed to shove an AK-47 through the fence of Trump’s golf course in West Palm Beach, Florida which was spotted by a Secret Service Agent. Luckily no one was hurt. Routh makes his first court appearance today…

This is the SECOND attempt on Trump’s life in two months… and now there are EVEN MORE questions about the levels of Security given to the former President…

ONE BIG QUESTION: Trump’s golf game WAS NOT on any public schedule. How did the would-be-assassin know he would be playing golf that day, at that time on that course??

*****

A new ABC poll shows that voters aren’t any more likely to back Kamala Harris - even if they think she won last week’s debate.

- But it turns out viewers are a lot more likely to think that ABC WANTED Kamala Harris to WIN last week’s ABC debate.

*****

Prince Harry turned the Big 4-0 yesterday… and said the “Best gifts” he’s ever gotten are his two kids, 5 year old Archie and Lilibet who is 3.

Translation: Meghan wrecked his 40th Birthday baking a Vegan Cake and buying him a Solar Powered Polo Pony.

FYI… If you are a Meghan fan, you can catch her on the TV show “Suits” on Netflix. She plays a legal assistant and I gotta say… she’s really good!

*****

Despite ongoing tensions in the family, King Charles and Prince William posted a pic of Prince Harry on his birthday - but were quickly criticized for “cropping Meghans head” out of the pic. The Palace has denied the accusation.

I believe the palace on this one… but what is it with them and women’s heads? You know… the whole “Anne Boleyn” thing??

*****

Ryan Seacrest officially took over hosting duties of “Wheel of Fortune” last Monday night, acknowledged that he has 'very big shoes to fill' - but he failed to mention the show’s longtime host Pat Sajak by name. Fans on Social Media were not happy.

- In fact you might say they were "M _ d As He_ _”.

(Btw… Jay Leno failed to mention Johnny Carson’s name on his first night taking over the Tonight show, too. I know this because was in the audience for Leno’s first show!)

*****

And one more thing… (As Colombo used to say!)…

It’s National Wrinkled Raincoat Day!

*****

RIP… Tito Jackson, the brother of Michael Jackson and a founding member of the Jackson 5, has died. He was 70.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

So I don’t know if you caught it yesterday but for a brief moment, Hell froze over & Pigs flew… as Joe Biden put on and was photographed while briefly wearing a bright red = Make America Great Again baseball cap. The move came during a chat with a Trump supporter at a 9/11 ceremony in PA. The White House said it showed a moment of “Bi-Partisan Unity”.

-Kamala’s campaign couldn’t be reached for comment as they were hyperventilating into a giant paper bag.

*****

The U.S. Postal System is warning that “widespread delivery disruptions” could affect voting in the Election.

- Amazing how the one thing the Post Office never has any trouble delivering on time: My Bills.

*****

A recent survey finds that half of adults doubt a Government ban on TikTok will actually happen.

- And about half of those adults surveyed are completely baffled as to why the Government wants to ban those tiny fruit flavored mints women carry in their purses anyway.

*****

A new report finds that this season’s Streaming-only football viewers are going to need access to SEVEN DIFFERENT STREAMING PLATFORMS, which can cost over $1,700 for the year.

- It’s getting so expensive, you actually have to get hired as an NFL player to be able to afford to watch the games.

*****

Tim Walz says he’s “grateful” that Taylor Swift has endorsed his and Kamala Harris’ presidential campaign ahead of the 2024 election.

- I’m not sure Tim is thinking this through. Taylor has made an entire career out of singing about the horrible choices she’s made when it comes to picking men. (True!)

*****

According to state regulators, Ice Cream Trucks near Marijuana Dispensaries are prohibits from hading out Snacks and drinks in Ohio.

But the good news? They’ve got All you can eat Roasted Cats and BBQ Chihuahuas!

*****

Margot Robbie - the actress who played “Barbie” -showed off her “baby bump” while making her first red carpet appearance since announcing her pregnancy.

- Well I guess we know what Ken & Barbie have been doing at the Malibu Dream House.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

23 years.

2977 Innocent lives lost.

Never Forget.

*****

So… the debate finally happened. Did you watch? Most pundits seem to think it was 3 vs. 1 with the ABC “Moderators” clearly siding with Team Kamala and against Team Trump. What did you think?

*****

Just moments after the debate ended, Taylor Swift endorsed Kamala for President. She posted a message on X saying, “I’ve done my research, and I’ve made my choice.”

- I’ll admit I was on the fence about who to vote for right up until that moment… but now that I know where Taylor stands, I’m feeling pretty confident in my decision. 🙄

*****

Looking for a cheap place to go on your next Vacation? A new study found that Vietnam is the most cost-friendly destination for World travelers.

-You know what’s even cheaper? Watching a rerun of M*A*S*H* on cable.

*****

In a recent interview, Mariah Carey’s ex-husband Nick Cannon says that he asked Mariah Carrey to get back together with him, but Mariah, “Doesn’t want me back.”

Mariah’s exact quote was, “All I want for Christmas ISN’T You”.

*****

RIP… James Earl Jones… The actor known for his booming voice and roles including Darth Vader in “Star Wars,” Mufasa in “The Lion King” and as the voice of CNN has died at age 93. No cause of death has been given.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Say hello to Enzo. He lives in my Neighborhood and is a good friend of mine. The only problem? He thinks he’s a lap dog.

*****

The Lions Roared… Beating the Los Angeles Rams 26-20 in a thrilling Overtime win in their first game of the 2024 season. Jared Goff threw for 217 yards and a touchdown, Montgomery rushed for 91 yards and a touchdown, and Jameson Williams caught five passes for 121 yards to secure the win.

*****

George Bush’s VP Dick Cheney went against his party affiliation and publicly threw his support behind Kamala Harris.

- Trump said it was a real kick in the pants. Well better that than a shot in the face. - Which, of course Cheney is known for and unfortunately Trump has already dealt with once this year.

*****

George W Bush says he WON’T pick a candidate this year… and didn’t cast a vote for either Trump or President Biden in the 2020 Election.

- However, his father, George H.W. Bush, who PASSED AWAY in 2018, DID vote for Biden 2 years after his death in 2020(?) and plans to vote for Kamala on November 5th!

*****

A new survey reveals that half of Americans admit they have at least one room in their home that they believe is unsalvageable due to clutter.

- An entire ROOM?? Remember back in the old days when we just had “Junk Drawers”? It seems like everything’s getting bigger in this country except our bank accounts.

*****

According to a new study, Franklin W. Olin College of Engineering in Massachusetts has the most “Studious Students” in the country.

- And the award for the most “Protest-tious Students” in the Country goes to those crazy kids at Columbia in NYC.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Hunter Biden has decided to plead “GUILTY” in his Tax Evasion trial that got underway in LA this morning - thus avoiding what many expected to be a long and “sordid” trial. Stay tuned…

*****

Vladimir Putin came out this morning and endorsed Kamala Harris for President… saying Biden was his “favorite” but that since he dropped out, he now supports Harris. (True!)

- He’s thinking of hosting a “Commies for Kamala” call this week on Zoom!

-I tried to call him this morning his office to get a comment, but his Secretary said Vlad took the day off to put up Harris/Walz yard signs on the front lawn of the Kremlin.

*****

A recent study has found that flights are safer than they’ve ever been… with a 1 in 13.7 MILLION chance that you’ll actually die if you fly you’d have to be “Pretty Unlucky for that to happen.

- So to paraphrase Dirty Harry, “You've got to ask yourself one question. Do I feel Unlucky? Well do you, Punk?”

*****

Georgia DA Fani Willis and her prosecutor ex-lover Nathan Wade turned up TOGETHER on police bodycam footage during her pregnant daughter's arrest - months after Fulton County DA insisted in court that they’d called it quits.

Uh oh. Looks like she might get her Fani handed to her in a sling.

*****

New research finds that, of all the states in the U.S., people in Maryland use the most expletives.

- That’s probably my fault. I lasted 5 weeks on the air at WBAL in Baltimore before getting fired for being, “too wild for the town”. Can you imagine ME being too wild??

*****

Over the weekend, Competitive Eating Champion Joey Chestnut set a new world record by downing 83 hot dogs and buns in 10 minutes.

- That’s a little nauseating — if I’m being Frank.

*****

A new survey finds that nearly 1 in 10 moms regret the name they chose for their baby.

- Gee… I wonder if MY Mother ever felt that way when she named me “Dick”. 🤔

*****

Have s great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Kamala Harris is taking heat for adopting a new “Foghorn Leghorn”-type Southern accent during her Labor Day campaign visit to Detroit yesterday… then dropping it completely when delivering the exact same speech in Philly 4 hours later.

In her defense… Detroit is South of CANADA… (except for Windsor of course… we’re NORTH of that 😎)

*****

The New York City Parks Department unveiled new “Anti-Rat Trash Bins” designed to fit square pizza boxes in some of the cities parks.

- Taking a nod from Little Caesars, they call it the “Garbage Can! Garbage Can!” Program.

*****

Citing high taxes and too much red tape, Foot Locker is moving its headquarters from New York City to Florida.

- Bottom line: Foot Locker is giving NYC the Boot

- The Mayor is “fit to be tied” and plans to deliver a tongue-lashing.

*****

Over the weekend, actor George Clooney praised President Biden’s decision to leave the 2024 race as. “the most selfless thing that anyone’s done since George Washington.”

- And the Oscar goes to… 🙄

*****

A recent survey finds that 7 in 10 parents admit they feel guilty that their child isn’t drinking enough water, especially during the hottest months of the year.

- Seriously? Don’t parents have bigger stuff to feel guilty about… like ruining their kids childhoods by giving them bad haircuts in the shape of an upside down bowl? (I know from experience… My mother did this to me!)

*****

Saw the movie “Reagan” yesterday… starring Dennis Quaid. Great movie! The place was packed. If you have the chance to go see it… do. I highly recommend it!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Hard to believe… but Michael Jackson would have been 66 years old today.

He’d still be doing the Moon Walk… but only if he remembered to take his “Balance of Nature” the night before.

*****

Kamala Harris will finally sit for her first interview on CNN at 9m tonight. The interview will be pre-taped to allow for edits and Kamala’s running mate Tim Walz will be doing the interview with her… whom some critics are have compared to Kamala’s “Emotional Support Animal”.

- Hear me out… I’m thinking maybe Kamala is used to doing Interviews ALONE and as Kamala often says, she’s looking to be “Unburdened by what has been”??

*****

A new report states that Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary wants airports to cap passengers at two alcoholic drinks to limit on-board brawling.

- I’m not sure it’s so much the alcohol that causing people to get upset so much as it is the doors falling off mid-flight.

*****

A recent study finds that Video Games are actually linked to better mental health - a 180 reversal of what we’ve been told for years.

- But that’s only because now days… there’s actually less violence in Video Games than you see in an average TV Newscast.

*****

A new study has found that getting shingles just once could increase the risk of long-term confusion and memory loss.

- Great. What happens if you don’t remember if you’ve had Shingles?

*****

The world's oldest living man celebrated his 112th birthday yesterday at the Assisted Living home where he lives in England.

- They got him a bunch of balloons and a nice “You’ll Soon Be With the Angel’s…. Food Cake”.

*****

My favorite story of the day… A man broke into an apartment in Rome in the middle of the night to rob the place. But in the middle of the heist, he became intrigued by a book on Greek Mythology sitting on the nightstand and sat down to read. Eventually, the 71-year-old owner of the apartment, woke up & confronted the thief who ran away… but was eventually caught by the cops.

- I’m assuming the Judge threw the Book at him.

*****

Hava a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick