Tom Brady - one of the commentators on the Super Bowl - wore a $740-thousand-dollar watch to the Big Game.

- Amazing. 3/4 of a MILLION bucks for a watch… and when the clock struck midnight, Gisele Bundchen still went home with another guy.

*****

According to a new survey, 55% of people believe the day after the Super Bowl should be recognized as a national holiday.

The technical name for this group is: People who “celebrated” too much and are too hungover to go to the office.

*****

A new study finds that people with a more positive outlook on life came through the COVID pandemic better than their more negative counterparts.

For example, people who said, “I’m POSITIVE I will never wear a Mask while driving ALONE in my Car” are much happier than people who got 127 booster shots.

*****

Two people miraculously walked away from a small plane crash in south central California… after the aircraft landed upside down.

This reminds me of a story my Dad told - and swore by… He said he once flew on a Continental Flight from Cincinnati to Buffalo… UPSIDE DOWN… for a HALF HOUR.

And you wonder where I came up with the original idea for the put-on calls back in the 60’s!

*****

Emergency responders in Colorado managed to rescue a horse after the back half of its body got stuck in a septic tank.

Oh, Wilbur!

-Well, having your rear end stuck in a giant toilet would certainly explain the “long face”.

*****

Singer Ed Sheeran was stopped from performing in the street in the Indian city of Bengaluru. Police said the singer didn’t have the permit needed to conduct a surprise concert for the crowd that gathered.

-Right now, only 75% of houses in India have a working toilet… but they're worried about Permits for Rock Stars??

Maybe they need to rethink their #1 and #2 priorities?

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

The Philadelphia Eagles are Super Bowl Champions after their EPIC takedown of the Kansas City Chiefs in Super Bowl LIX, Sunday 40-22. And if you ask me… that score doesn’t really reflect what happened on the field. The Eagles absolutely dominated… making KC - who was going for the first-ever continuous Super Bowl 3-Peat lost and unable to get a hold in the game.

But it’s all good because we got one Heckuva halftime show, huh? Maybe this is a question I should have asked BEFORE the game… but, WHO IS KENDRICK LAMAR??

*****

Of course the REALLY BIG NEWS from the Game last night… Taylor and Travis DIDN’T get engaged last night after his team’s crushing loss to the Eagles. Rumors were swirling that if the Chiefs won their 3rd Super Bowl in a row, Travis was going to get down on one knee and pop the question.

-But after the game… the only thing Travis felt like popping was an Aspirin.

*****

An estimated 22.6 million people across the U.S. planned to call in sick to work today after this year's Super Bowl… that’s up 40% from a year ago.

-NOTE: The only people who called in sick Yesdrerday were members of the Kansas City Defense.

*****

Which reminds me… Today is “National Football Hangover Day”.

-I just had one beer during the game… but I’ll admit when it comes to the Buffalo Chicken Dip, I may have been ”Over-Served”.

*****

The Trump Administration has announced that the Federal Government will no longer mint Pennies… saying it costs more to produce them than their worth.

-I’d love to know your thoughts on this whole Penny thing. If only there were an expression for that… Like, say, “A Penny for your… “. 😂

*****

A dog rode his skateboard through a tunnel made up of 40 people standing with their legs apart to break a Guinness World Record. “Coda”, a cocker spaniel broke the record for the longest human tunnel traveled through by a dog on a skateboard.

The previous record was held by a Skate Boarder Collie.

Ironically, Cocker Spaniel traveled to the Competition by Grey Hound.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Democrats continue to melt down as DOGE (Department of Government Efficiency) bulldozed USAID - a non-government agency that has received BILLIONS in taxpayer dollars for a range of questionable expenses including $47,000 for a Transgender Opera in Peru and $20 MILLION for an Iraqi version of “Sesame Street”.

This story brought to you by the letters… “B” and “S”!

*****

Former President Joe Biden has made his first known move to monetize his post-presidency, announcing Monday that he’s been signed by high profile talent agent, Creative Artists Agency. No word yet on what “Creative Services” Joe will provide.

-But you know - as usual - he’s gonna be running circles around who ever’s there while he’s doing it. 😂

*****

18 year old Barron Trump was spotted strolling through New York University’s campus for the first time since his father was inaugurated on January 20th… and he was hard to miss. Barron is now six foot seven inches tall.

-If he gets any taller, he can put a Trump Logo on his forehead and rent himself out as a Skyscraper.

*****

Former Vice President Kamala Harris' husband, Doug Emhoff, landed a private sector job in California just days after leaving Washington, D.C.

That story again… LOCK UP YOUR NANNIES.

*****

“Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” is coming to Hulu this month.

-It’s going to be different that the other “Real Housewives” show… since in Utah, all the ladies are married to the same Husband.

*****

A new report in The Sun highlights an English army veteran who bravely confessed to having a micro-penis - with his member measuring in at just 2.9 inches.

-But he says he remains hopeful for growth… evoking the words of the great Winston Churchill… “Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.”

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

It’s National Liberace Day! He’s been gone since dying at the age of 67 back 1987… But if he were alive today, he’d be celebrating by blowing out 98 Candelabras!

*****

Ye - aka Kanye West - and his wife were escorted out of Sunday night’s Grammy Awards after they showed up on the Red Carpet… slightly underdressed. Well, Kanye was wearing a suit… but his wife Bianca was literally naked - save a tiny completely sheer “dress”.

-For those of you who didn’t see it… Imagine going to a shoe store, getting one of those little nude-colored footie-stocking things they have in a box for you to wear when your trying on shoes… and wearing THAT with no underwear and a pair of high heels.

*****

According to data analyzed by a higher education expert, “Total student loan debt went up while President Biden was in office, despite all of the student loan forgiveness.”

-Joe… the gift that keeps on taking.

*****

A new study suggests that levels of microplastics - those tiny pieces of plastic we inadvertently ingest through food and other products every day- have made their way to the human brain may be rapidly rising.

This is not to be confused with the MICRO Plastics that Kim Kardashian has surgically implanted in her rear end.

*****

A new study found consuming Turmeric is good post-exercise for muscle recovery.

-And most Americans were like, “Cool… if I ever decide to work out I’ll be sure to give that a try”.

*****

Spirit Airlines recently tightened its dress code policy and is no longer allowing bare feet on flights.

Well you know what they say… “No Shirt, No Shoes… No In-Flight Snack & Beverage Service”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

It’s Feb 3… the the 66th anniversary the 1959 plane crash that took the lives of American rock and roll musicians Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, "The Big Bopper" & pilot J. P. Richardson. It’s become known as “The Day the Music Died”.

-As opposed to November 29, 1974 when Minnie Ripperton released “Loving You”. That’s known as the “Day that the People Who Listen to Music Wanted to Die”.

*****

In a shock interview over the weekend, Ukrainian President Zelensky now says he and his country Never Received $125 BILLION of the $200 BILLION sent to the them by the Biden Administration over the last year and has “no idea” where the money went.

-Really? And he just noticed this NOW??? Funny how he didn’t mention anything when Joe was still in charge.

*****

Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow on Sunday - Groundhog Day - which means six more weeks of winter.

-Or as we say it in Michigan… “Six More MONTHS of Winter”.

*****

According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, Phil’s weather prediction is right about 35% of the time.

-Bottom line: He’s not that accurate… but he’s sweet… I believe Sonny Eliot would have called that, “Swaccurate”.

*****

Beyonce won “Album of the Year” for her first Album foray into the Country Genre… “Carter Country”… then immediately after the show… tweeted that she’ll be taking the music on Tour.

-Well she had nothing else to do since the "Diddy Party” was cancelled this year.

*****

Football fans won’t have to shell out a single dime to watch Super Bowl 59 (LIX) Sunday… it’ll be on Tubi for free. For those of you who don’t know, Tubi is an ad-supported streaming service that offers movies and TV shows.

-Not to date myself here… but I remember having the ORIGINAL “Streaming Service” back in the 70’s… The Dy-Dee Diaper Delivery Man!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

No Blog today in honor of the 67 souls lost in the tragic mid-air collision in Washington, D.C. last night when an American Airlines regional jet with 64 passengers and crew on board and a U.S. Army Black Hawk helicopter with a three-person crew collied near Reagan National Airport just before 9pm. Both aircraft fell into the icy Potomac River… and despite heroic efforts by an army of Rescue and EMS personnel… There were no survivors. 🙏

Keep their families in your thoughts & Prayers.

Hope to see you back here Friday…

-Dick

An update on the story we brought you yesterday on the US Government spending money on Condoms for the Taliban… Now it’s come to light that the Trump Administration was able to stop $50 MILLION earmarked by the Biden Administration to buy Condoms for the men in Gaza.

-Apparently Suicide Vests aren’t the only things exploding over there.

*****

On the eve of his confirmation hearing for head of Health and Human Services Secretary (happening today), RFK Jr.’s cousin Caroline Kennedy released a scathing video takedown of her cousin -who she grew up with - in an attempt to derail his nomination.

-At this point the Kennedy’s make the Hatfield’s and the McCoy’s look the Von Trapp Family.

*****

A young Chinese woman has been getting a lot of attention for her ability to act as an android using a special costume, robotic movements, and an expressionless face.

She’s so good… she’s being considered as a replacement for the recently fired Norah O’Donnell as host of CBS Evening News.

*****

Warner Bros. says they’ll finally come out with their film adaptation of the book “Oh, the Places You'll Go” in IMAX on March 17, 2028.

It was supposed to be an adaptation of the Dr. Seuss Classic… but now, they’re just gonna follow Border Czar, Tom Homan around with a Camera and watch him Catch and Deport all the Criminal Migrants back to their home countries.

*****

An Idaho man lathered up his head in shaving cream and used it to catch table tennis balls bounced off a wall to officially break a world record.

-What do you expect from the state best known for its Potatoes?

*****

A new Harvard Study finds that consuming Olive Oil every day could reduce the risk of dementia.

-That story again… Hang on… I’m gonna take a little swig of Olive Oil… Oh yeah… That story again… Consuming Olive Oil every day could reduce the risk of dementia.

*****

Have. great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

It’s International Lego Day! That means if you step on a Lego today… you’re encouraged to cry out in pain in MULITPLE Languages… not just English!!!

*****

A 3.8-magnitude earthquake rocked the Northeast early Monday — shaking buildings and homes along the Atlantic coast. The quake was centered near Maine’s York Harbor but could be felt as far away as Portland and Boston.

-Luckily, Chris Christie says the whole “taking a morning jog thing” was just a one off and won’t be happening again.

*****

Senator Mike Lee is continuing to call for the abolition of the TSA - the Transportation Security Administration.

-Is he crazy? I’m not getting on a plane with a bunch of people who haven’t taken their shoes off.

*****

A new survey finds that an estimated 210 million people suffer from social media addiction. This can result in mood swings, disrupted sleep, neglected responsibilities, desire for validation, and a lack of hobbies.

-I think we used to just call that “Being a Teenager”.

*****

Rumors are swirling that Taylor Swift and boyfriend Travis Kelce may already be engaged after the singer was seen wearing Louis Vuitton gloves while celebrating his teams victory over the Buffalo Bills on Sunday. Insiders thought maybe the Super Bowl Bound Pop Star was using the gloves to hide her hands.

-Considering it was 29 Degrees at Game Time… I’m just gonna go out on a limb and go with a crazier explanation… She was cold!

*****

A new government report by DOGE - found that under the Biden Administration, the US Government spent $10 MILLION on Condoms for Taliban.

Well… at least it wasn’t Viagra.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wedenewday!

-Dick

It’s Thomas Crapper Day! For those of you that don’t know… Thomas Crapper was an English Plumber… who made great improvements to the Toilet - including the Ballcock - that we still use today!

Unfortunately there are no records as to whether he benefited financially from the toilet… so historians don’t know if Crapper was Flush with money when he Died.

But he was known throughout his hometown as a “Stand up Guy”.

*****

New information came to light over the weekend allegedly proving the long standing rumor that Progressive Minnesota Squad Member Ilan Omar actually DID MARRY her BIOLOGICAL BROTHER so he could get a Green Card and stay in the United States.

-Wow. That must have been some Honeymoon.

*****

Bill Gates admitted his split from Melinda Gates after 27 years of marriage will always be the thing he regrets most in his life.

-Although if Trump releases the Epstein list as promised… those 30+ trips Bill made to Epstein’s Island probably won’t be on his “Best Of” List.

*****

The CIA has changed its assessment on the origins of the COVID-19 pandemic, now favoring the theory that the COVID virus somehow leaked out of a lab in China.

-You don’t say?

*****

A 10-year-old Chinese boy reprimanded by his father for not completing his homework took revenge by calling the police and telling them that his father was hiding forbidden drugs.

It was all caught on Camera by Alan Chow Funt Noodles with Chefs Special Sauce!

*****

“Titanic” is coming to Hulu this February…

-Just for clarification… It’s the movie about the Cruise ship and the Iceberg, not the story of Kamala Harris’s Presidential Campaign.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

For the first time in its History… the Academy Awards has nominated a Transgender Woman (Ie: a biological man who now identifies as a woman) for the “Best Actress” Oscar.

-They say only one more survery and he’ll be ready for the “Golden Globes”.

*****

CNN is set to lay off 200 employees today as it continues to lose viewers… In the latest ratings, more people watched SpongeBob SquarePants and the Food Network than CNN.

-Not to name drop, but I went to the same High School as Wolf Blitzer and Patrick Starfish - SpongeBob’s Best Friend! (Okay… I’m just kidding about Patrick… but Wolf and I did go to the same school)

*****

A new survey finds that a whopping 95% of dog owners cite veterinary expenses as their biggest challenge.

-Well that and keeping them from going straight for the companies crotch when they have people over.

*****

A new survey finds that Rhode Island has the worst roads in the nation.

People in Michigan were like… “Oh, really?”.

*****

A stunned mother in Maryland was stuck with a pile of bills after a rare typo led to her being declared dead. She’s alive but got quite the shock when she got a letter from the IRS called her a "Deceased Taxpayer".

-Proving that “You Can’t Take It With You… But If You Try, The IRS Will Come After You and Try to Take it Back”.

*****

On the heels of adding almost 19 MILLION New subscribers… Streaming giant Netflix has announced that subscription prices for its service are increasing again.

-If their prices go up any higher, I’m gonna have to re-do my Estate Plan.

*****

Megyn Kelly compared Amazon's founder Jeff Bezos fiance Lauren Sánchez to a “hooker” after she stepped out wearing a low-cut white pantsuit and lace corset to Donald Trump’s inauguration ceremony.

Gee... if only there was a place where Lauren could have ordered a blouse… say with FREE overnight delivery…

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

It’s COLD!

How Cold is it??

It’s so cold… I made a Hot Dog for Dinner last night and by the time I put it on my plate it had turned into an Oscar Meyer ‘Lil Weiner.

*****

Dailymail.com is reporting that Kamala Harris is considering dumping her husband Doug now that they’ve officially left Washington… “Inside sources” say the VEEP blames Doug’s infidelity with the Nanny and rumors that he slapped an ex-girlfriend for her Election loss.

-Sounds like Kamala’s about to Unburden herself by what has been Doug.

*****

The White House has brought back the famous Diet Coke button so that President Trump can order his drink of choice easily from the Oval Office.

-Which is a change from the last Administration which just had a button for “Coke”.

*****

A new study suggests that eating Oatmeal for breakfast could help you live longer.

Question: Does it still count if you enjoy it with a side of Bacon, Sausage & Cheesy Hashbrowns?

*****

A new survey finds that over 80% of people in Japan want to take their leftovers at restaurants home.

-Compare that to 80% of American’s who were like, “Who has leftovers??”

*****

A Taiwanese plastic surgeon has been getting a lot of attention for sharing a video of performing a vasectomy on himself on social media.

-I believe in the business this is known as “The Director’s Cut”.

-NOTE: This surgeon is also known for posting videos of circumcisions. The videos are free… but if you watch, he does ask you to leave a tip.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

At 12:01 pm Monday afternoon, Donald J. Trump became the 47th President of the United States… and promised that America is entering a new Golden Age.

- Speaking of “Golden”… The Biden’s were almost late to the ceremony as they were busy pilfering the last minute Silverware, Monogramed “WH” Robes and Travel-Size Toiletries from the White House Residence.

*****

There was an amazing moment when a tech glitch cut Carrie Underwood’s music just as she was about to start singing “America the Beautiful” during the ceremony…but Carrie handled it like an absolute pro. She asked the crowd to join her - which they did - and she sang it A Capaella… Beautifully.

-There was an awkward moment went Kamala jumped up and tried to hand her a million dollars for performing… before Doug reminder her that the election was over and that she’d lost.

*****

Joe Biden Shocked/Didn’t Shock the World by issuing a blanket pardon to members of his family just 19 minutes before his Presidency ran out yesterday. The Pardons - for his brother Jim, sister Valerie and their spouses were announced while Prez Trump was delivering his address. When asked if Biden had given him a heads up about the Pardons on their share ride over to the Capitol from the White House, Trump said, “Nope”.

Dr. Fauci and the entire January 6th Committee got Pardon’s too.

They say they did “absolutely nothing wrong” BUT will accept the Pardon anyway.

-It’s that kind of like saying… “No. I’m not Pregnant. But I will take those Maternity Clothes”.

NOT RECEIVING PARDONS…

Nancy Pelosi

Jack Smith

Alvin Bragg

Fani Willis

Among others…

*****

First Lady Melania Trump "stunned” (I found out that’s how your supposed to describe it by reading Dailymail.com) at the Inaugural Balls in an elegant Black and White Strapless Gown… Her evening wear complimented her inaugural outfit: (I took this from an article because I can’t write about women’s fashion: “In a departure from 2017’s sky blue cashmere dress and gloves by Ralph Lauren, this time, Melania Trump paired a muted navy silk wool coat with a navy skirt and an ivory silk crepe blouse underneath, all by independent American designer Adam Lippes.”

Bottom Line? I thought she look spectacular.

*****

What would a Trump event be without the Press creating a scandal?? Elon Musk… Put his hand to his heart and then extended it to the crowd at an Inugural Event and said… “My heat goes out to you”… which some on the left are now claiming was a “Nazi salute”. Elon is on the Autistic spectrum. He has Aspergers… I don’t know how many of you are familiar with it. My daughter, Jackie’s son, Charlie has Aspergers. Brilliant, funny… but a little bit awkward. Look for something to be offended about your gonna find it. These people are insane…

*****

The 51 “Spies Who Lie” - the current and former intelligent experts who signed a letter back in 2020 swearing that Hunter Biden’s Laptop had “all the earmark’s of Russian Disinformation” despite knowing it was REAL have been Stripped of their Security Clearances.

Ironically, News of their Security Clearances being withdrawn will be reported by the Mainstream Media as……….. “Russian Disinformation”!!!!!!!!

*****

I would be remiss if I didn’t thank the Lions for an incredible year!!!!

Ah…May…Zing!!! Can’t wait for next season… (But I’ll be honest… I’m not gonna rush Summer when we finally get it!)

Have a great day, stay warm and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

,

In his Farewell Address to the nation last night, President Biden warned that Am”erica is being threatened by an overload of dis and misinformation.

-But luckily… the White House fact-checkers were quick to point out that that’s “Not True”.

*****

Political insiders say that Kamala Harris is planning to write a book before making next political move.

- The tentative title: “How to Blow Through $1.5 BILLION in 3 and 1/2 Months and Still LOSE an Election”.

*****

Jill Biden that - after 50 years of friendship… she’s quote, “disappointed” in former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who played a big role in President Biden dropping out of the 2024 race.

-Well I know one person who’s not getting a Pre-Emptive Pardon in their Joe’s-Going-Away-Goodie Bag.

*****

A new survey finds that Gen Z - those who turn 13 to 28 in 2025, experiences more financial stress than any other age group.

- Well yeah… Do you think it’s easy coming up for the basement and asking your parents for pizza and beer money every week?

*****

A new study reveals that a glass of milk a day keeps colorectal cancer away.

-Not sure how it works… but maybe it’s because Milk helps keep everything MOO-ving??

*****

Southwest Airlines is hitting pause on corporate hiring, promotions, and summer internships to cut costs

-But on a bright note… they’ve decided to keep off their Pilots and Planes!

*****

According to a new survey, one-third of those living with partners described their significant other as “a baby” when sick.

Not me. As long as I’ve got my footie pajamas, Jell-O and coloring books… I’m good to go.

*****

RIP… Bob Uecker… the voice of his hometown Milwaukee Brewers who went on to earn the name “Mr. Baseball” and honors from the MLB Hall of Fame after a short playing career has died. He was 90 years old.

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

BREAKING: ISRAEL & HAMAS TENTATIVELY REACH CEASEFIRE DEAL.. HOSTAGES TO BE RETURNED.

Trump had warned if Hostages not released by the time he took office “All Hell would Break Loose”…

DETAILS emerging… Stay tuned…

*****

Tonight at 8pm President Biden will deliver his Farewell Address to the Nation.

-Afterwards, the TV pundits will spend. an hour ananalysing it…. and Joe will go to bed.

*****

The Garbage Truck that Prez Elect Trump famously drove in the days after President Biden called MAGA supporters “Garbage” will be featured in the Inaural parade down Pennsylvania Avenue Monday.

-Followed moments later by the Recycling Truck, because… you know… that’s just how it’s works.

*****

Glenn Close revealed that she hasn’t had a boyfriend since getting divorced back in 2015.

-You think it has something to do with that whole “Boiling the Rabbit” thing she did to Michael Douglas in Fatal Attraction?

*****

According to a new survey, nearly half of Americans think people should keep their holiday decorations all year.

-Experts say the technical term for this is: “Lazy”.

*****

Several TV shows that film in Los Angeles - including Jimmy Kimmel Live! - are heading back into production after being put on hold for the fires.

- Boy… The news just keeps getting worse.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Caesarean Section Day… 4 of my 6 girls were born by Caesarean Section. After the third one… I said, “Doctor… Do you think it would be easier if you just put in a zipper?”

****

The Village People have confirmed that they will be performing at multiple Inauguration Events… They’ll perform their hit “YMCA” - one of Trump’s favorites and a staple at many of his rallies.

- And they’ll be able to play “Macho Man” since Pete Buttegeig will no longer be part of the Administration.

*****

Over the weekend, President Biden said that if he had stayed in the race he “would have beaten” Prez Elect Trump in the 2024 election. He then went on to say that Kamala Harris would also have beaten Trump.

-6 more days, people. 6 more days.

*****

Prince Harry & Meghan Markle are being criticized on Social Media for “touring” the disaster zones from the California Fires… but not doing much to help out.

-But Meghan says this is in keeping with her brand. She’s really good at starting fires and running away.

*****

In a new interview, 81-year-old Robert De Niro confirmed that he doesn’t change diapers after admitting that his girlfriend does the “heavy lifting.”

It’s not that his girlfriend doesn’t want him to help it’s just every time she asks, they have to go through the whole, “You talking to me? You talking to me?” thing from Taxi Driver.

*****

A new study finds that men who regularly drink grape juice could significantly lower their odds of erectile dysfunction (ED).

-And just like that, Bill Clinton changed his natioalitoty from “American” to “Welch”.

*****

According to a new survey, one-third of those living with partners described their significant other as “a baby” when sick.

-Not me. As long as I’ve got my footie pajamas, Jell-O and coloring books… I’m good to go.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

It’s National Rubber Ducky Day… So C’mon! Jump in the Bathtub and Get Your Ducks in a Row!!

*****

With just 8 days to go until the Innauguation… the first moving van was spotted outside the White House this morning, signaling that the Bidens are preparing to move out.

-The hardest part is going to be getting Joe’s walk-in tub out of the Oval-Office Bathroom.

*****

A new study out of Washington State University found that Elderberry juice could be a "potent tool" for weight management. The study found that drinking 12 ounces of elderberry juice each day for one week led to positive changes in the gut microbiome.

-Good luck getting young people to try it… Like they're ever going to respect their Elderberry Juice.

*****

The relatives of 5 women killed by “Jack the Ripper” in England back in 1888 are calling for a fresh inquest… after DNA evidence emerged that may finally identify the killer 130 after the infamous murders.

-And if this pans out… there gonna get started on finding out who left the Cocaine in the White House.

*****

A couple in Florida tried a rather unique technique to get away with shoplifting… While the husband was busy filling his cart with hundreds of dollars of merchandise and slipping out of the store, his wife distracted employees by pulling down her pants and “relieving herself” in one of the store aisles. But the manager caught on and called the cops.

-This takes “Clean up in Aisle 5” to a whole new level!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Wildfires continues to burn in and around Los Angeles… Astounding devastation. Still 0% containment of some of the fires as of this writing… 5 Dead… Thousands of Homes/Buildings destroyed…. Hundreds of thousands without power. Questions now about how much could have been prevented or mitigated… Massive Water/Forrest Mismanagement in the state… HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??

Stay tuned…

*****

Jimmy Carter’s Funeral was held at the National Cathedral in Washington D.C. today… and this morning all of America former living Presidents gathered to pay their respects.

- Also in attendance… Joe Biden.

******

66-year-old Madonna was spotted arriving in NYC this week accompanied by 28-year-old boyfriend Akeem Morris amid a blizzard of engagement rumors. Yes… it looks like the “Material Girl” maybe getting ready to take the plunge for the third time.

-Madonna will make a stunning bride. Not as stunning as Dennis Rodman… but still, pretty stunning.

*****

Christmas came about 48 years late for an Illinois man who was performing renovations at his childhood home when he found a present his parents had brought him that had fallen behind a wall in 1978.

-He says he’s going to spend the next week tearing down more walls looking for the Double D batteries his Dad bought that make the toy work.

*****

According to a recent survey, 34% of U.S. homeowners say they’ll never sell their home.

Not because they like it so much… it’s just that with interest rates being so high… there’s not a snowballs chance in hell they can move.

*****

A new study suggests that not only are they incredibly annoying at picnics… but Ants can hold grudges. (True!)

-Uncles… Not so much.

*****

According to a new study, the tiny plastic particles that are shed from clothing, packaging, and other products are winding up in the fish that we eat.

-I miss the good old days when all you had to worry about finding in your fish was bones.

*****

Deputies say a man in West Palm Beach, Florida was arrested after carving initials into a car and turning the knife on the car owner - all while naked - during an attempted Car Jacking on New Year’s Eve.

-Well, it seems everybody has something special spanned when the ball drops.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Monday!

-Dick

Prayers for everyone facing those devastating wildfires in California this morning… The fires, which started in the Pacific Palisades neighborhood near Los Angeles yesterday, are being fueled by Santa Ana winds up to 100 mph. There are reports that there is no water coming out of the fire hydrants… and fire crews can’t get into the air because of of the wind. So far, more than 3000 acres are ablaze… Thousands have been evacuated and as of this writing, the fire is 0% contained… 🙏 Stay tuned…

*****

With less than two weeks left in office, the Biden Administration has instructed the FDA to move forward with a regulatory rule that would effectively BAN cigarettes.

-So you know what they say… Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.

- Apparently Joe wants Americans smoking something safer. Like Hunter does.

*****

During a wide ranging Press conference at Mar a Lago yesterday, Prez-Elect Trump caused an International uproar when he said the U.S. needs control of Greenland and Panama for “National Security”.

-The Biden Administration was like… “What’s ‘National Security’”??

*****

A new government study reveals that excessive “Screen Time” significantly impacts student performance.

-But on a bright note… the more time students spend on their phone, the more time the teachers have to scroll through recipes on Instagram. 📱

*****

An Indian stuntman earned a Guinness World Record by stopping 57 electric fans in one minute using his tongue.

-Thus the expression… “Cutting off your tongue to spite your face” No, wait…

*****

On this day in 1998 Unabomber suspect Ted Kaczynski asks to act as his own lawyer.

-Neighbors described Kaczyski as a “Quiet guy… with a short fuse”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

Dick

Yesterday Certification of the Presidential Election went off without a hitch… with Kamala Harris certifying her rival and nemesis, Donald Trump as the Winner.

-There’s hasn’t been a pill that hard to swallow since Bill Cosby was in the news. 💊

*****

More than 1,000 flights were canceled, and hundreds of others were delayed across the U.S. Monday…

- Yes… It was just a typical Monday at Spirit Airlines… and then the Winter storm kicked in. 😂

*****

Shocking footage captured the moment Texas rapper 2 Low nearly shot himself live on the air last week during the middle of podcast when he reached in his pocket and his gun accidentally went off.

-A similar thing happened to me when I was interviewing Coleman Young. A Kuggerrand fell out of his pocket… made such a noise… we all hit the deck.

*****

According to a new survey, nearly 50% of US adults made a New Years Resolution to lose weight in 2025.

-Luckily… it’s already January 7th, and another survey found most Americans give up their New Year’s Resolutions by January 3rd so… EAT UP! 🍔🍕🌭🍿

*****

A new study finds that your body’s atoms may have taken a 400,000-light-year journey through space.

-No wonder I’m so tired all the time. 🥱

*****

At this year’s Golden Globe awards, Demi Moore won a best actress award for her role in “The Substance.” The movie is about a fading celebrity using a black-market drug — a cell replicating substance - that temporarily recreates a better version of herself!

- I KNEW Kathy Lee Gifford was using more than Balance of Nature! She looks too good!

*****

New reports confirm that actor Tom Holland got engaged to singer Zendaya over the holidays.

So a a Big Congrats to them… Whoever they are! 💍

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

🏈 WHAT. A. GAME! 🏈

The Lions delivered an incredible 31-9 Win over the Minnesota Vikings Sunday night… clinching the NFC’s TOP SEED for the NFL Playoffs… We’re 15-2.

Hell is freezing over and I’m lovin’ it! 🧊

*****

This Just In… Embattled Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is resigning as Prime Minister… a shock move that comes after his approval rating has cratered over “Woke” policies and weeks of trolling by President-elect Trump over making Canada the 51st U.S. State.

-Canada is said to be reeling... with all Hockey Sticks and Donuts flying at Half-Mast. 🏒🍩

*****

Today… Kamala Harris will certify Donald Trump as the 47th President of the United States… becoming the first Vice President to oversee the Certification of their own defeat since Al Gore in 2001.

-Can you feel the Joy??

*****

Kim Jong Un has reportedly banned North Koreans from eating Hotdogs.

-But lukewarm Poodles, Shitzus, and Schnauers are still on the approved “Snack Food” list.

*****

Kim has also ordered Jail-time for couples going through divorce.

On the bright side… there’s always the chance they meet somebody nice at the Prison dance! 💃🕺

*****

Amazon Prime has exclusively licensed a documentary film that will give viewers an “unprecedented behind-the-scenes look” at Melania Trump’s life.

- It's a compilation of the video the FBI agents took of her underwear drawer on their cell phones when they raided Mar-a-Lago.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick