It’s October 4th - and that can only mean one thing! It’s Actor Broderick Crawford Day! As a kid I loved watching his show, “Highway Patrol”… and how he’d sign off his Police radio transmissions with a brusque “10-4”! Thanks to all of you who called me over thru the years to remind me!!

It’s also the day that FEMA and the FCC will be conducting a Nationwide Test of the Emergency Alert System… This afternoon at approximentally 2:20pm, all TV’s Radios & Cell Phones will display a message that starts with “THIS IS A TEST of the Wireless Emergency Alert System. No Action is Needed”. There will also be the usual “tone” used during a test, so don’t panic. (The way things are going in the World… we’ll have plenty of time for that later!)

Speaking of panic…

Another crazy day in Washington, D.C. as a small group of Republicans backed by all the Democrats in Congress voted to oust Repub Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy. It’s the first time in history a Speaker has been forced from his role.

- Hey… If there looking for a “Speaker” that will do whatever you ask it to do… these day we go with "Alexa”!!

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Seriously… It turns out the Speaker doesn’t actually have to be a Member of Congress so people are throwing around all kinds of names as McCarthy’s replacement including… wait for it… DONALD TRUMP.

- Trump is said to be thinking it over while he’s in Court fighting some of the 91 Indictments against him.

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The NFL is being accused of relying too much on the Taylor Swift/KC Chief player Travis Kelce romance to boost ratings… with even Him admitting that cutting to shots of Her in the box cheering him on 17 TIMES during the game was “too much”.

- Maybe… but it’s still better than when we were all treated to those shots of Dennis Rodman canoodling Madonna.

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Scientists say that small amounts of venom from a Brazilian Wandering Spider could help treat Erectile Dysfunction.

- I don’t care how well it works, something tells me it’s gonna Frighten Miss Muffet Away.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Former Prez Trump is back in Court in today for day two of his Civil Fraud trial… Yesterday, courtroom staff were seen carrying six big bags of McDonald’s (Trump’s fav) into the courthouse during the lunch break.

- Trump was going to buy Pizza for everyone at the Courthouse… but it turns out Chris Christie had already already snapped up all the pies in NYC for his own pre-lunch snack.

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Hunter Biden was in court in Delaware this morning pleading NOT GUILTY to charges that he lied about being addicted to drugs when he bought a gun back in 2018. That comes after a plea deal fell apart this summer on tax and gun charges. If convicted on all charges… Hunter could face a maximum of 25 years in prison and fines up to $750,000.

- And I’d say the chances of Hunter going to the slammer for 25 years are about the same as the chances that Jack Smith drops all 91 counts against Donald Trump, invites him over for Thanksgiving, and buys him a “World’s Greatest President” Mug for Christmas.

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From the “I Didn’t See That One Coming Department”…

70 year old Vladimir Putin - who has been in office since 1999 - is set to announce that he WILL SEEK another six year term as President of Russia.

- It’s part of his “Make Communism Great Again” program.

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A new report says that more & more “Ant Enthusiasts” in Edmonton, Alberta are keeping the insects as pets.

- It’s not as easy as you think. I had an Ant Farm as a kid. And let me tell you… It was no picnic.

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Vanna White is missing from this week’s episodes of “Wheel of Fortune” because she tested positive for Covid.

- But Pat Sajak says Vann’a turned the corner and will be back to turning letters next week.

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In case you missed it, the Philadelphia Phillies denied an Emotional Support Alligator from entering their ballpark.

- What a croc.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Congress managed to avoid a Government shutdown over the weekend, but not without a lot of drama… Democrat Rep. Jamaal Bowman was caught on camera pulling a FIRE ALARM right before a major vote. Republicans say he was attempting to obstruct an official proceeding… but Bowman and the Dems say it was “Mistake” and he was just “Trying to open the door”.

- So……. If somebody had just pulled the FIRE ALARM on January 6th everything would have been cool?? Good to know.

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Former Prez Trump is in a NYC Courtroom this morning accused of deceiving banks, insurers and others by massively overvaluing his assets. Last week, the Judge overseeing the case, valued Trumps Mar a Lago at just $18 MILLION despite much smaller homes in the same neighborhood ON THE OCEAN selling for $200 MILLION.

- The Judge must be the same guy who appraised my house when I put it on the Market a couple years ago.

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Are You Ready Kids???

After a successful online letter-writing campaign, Kraft announced that it’s bringing back its “SpongeBob Squarepants” Mac n Cheese!

- Those of you who follow this blog know I’m a HUGE fan of SpongeBob, Patrick Starfish, Squidward & Gary the Snail. So this is is PERFECT for me!

- The only problem is… when I eat too much Mac ‘n Cheese I end up looking like SpongeBob ROUNDPants.

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According to a new survey, only half of hourly employees feel they will be able to retire comfortably… with 33% admitting they’re “Winging it” when it comes to their “Retirement Plan”.

- And of that 33%… 50% are “Winging it” Bone-In, and the other 50% prefer “Boneless Winging It”.

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A new study claims that global warming and rising temperatures may increase the prevalence of alcohol and drug use.

- Well, yeah... when AOC keeps telling us were gonna be dead in 8 years can you blame people if they need a drink?

- Even a Bud Light?

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A flying car made its debut at the Auto Show here in Detroit last month.

- Of course I debuted the original "Flying Car"... when I used to pass cars in the Tunnel when I was late to start my 6am show at CKLW in Windsor back in the early 80's. (TRUE STORY!!!)

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Have a great day and I’ll see you badc here Tuesday!

-Dick

Fans of legends like Elvis, Marilyn Monroe and Princess Diana are using AI (Artificial Intelligence) programs to “age” photos and see what their favorite deceased celebs would look like today if they hadn’t died in their prime.

- Is it just me or does Diana kind of have a look on her face that says, “Seriously, Harry? Meghan Markle??”

- I’m not buying Elvis with gray hair… I think he would have continued dying it black. Otherwise, his fans would have ended up with… “Suspicious Minds”.

- Wow… Even Marilyn Monroe might have sung, “Botox is a Girl’s Best Friend”.

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Most arm chair quarterbacks are saying that the big winner of last night’s GOP debate was the guy who didn’t show up… Donald Trump.

- This reminds me of my buddy in High School, Bob Bemisderfer who won EVERYTHING… whether he showed up or not. (Okay… that’s not really true. But I thought his ex-wife Alice Bemisderfer - who reads and comments on this blog most days at her home in Buffalo - would get a kick out of me saying that. Go Bills!!!)

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Chris Christie even called Trump “Donald Duck” for ducking out of the debates - a joke that most agree came off as forced and scripted.

- Look for Trump to come back with something like, “When I WIN… Christie will EAT HIS WORDS!!! Knowing him… With a side of Ranch”.

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President Biden’s dog Commander attacked yet another Secret Service agent this week - the eleventh time the First Dog has bitten a member of the White House Staff.

- Wow… Senator Menendez has been indicted… Hunter Biden’s been indicted… and former President Trump’s been indicted. Maybe it’s time to indict the Dog??

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Michelle Obama made a cool $741,000 for a ONE HOUR speech about “Diversity and Inclusion” at the “Bits & Pretzels” Festival in Germany on Monday.

- The Obamas say they’ll bank $740,000 of it… and spend the extra Grand on Obamacare.

- Wow. How can Germany afford that?? Even Eva Braun didn’t make that kind of money!

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The great debate over Dem. Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer’s decision to cave to John Fetterman’s desire to wear a hoodie-and-shorts to work has been decided by a unanimous vote in the US Senate… reinstating the Formal Dress Code.

- Good! Now we can get back to the work of figuring out how much more money to send to Ukraine!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Last night’s episode of 60 Minutes on CBS revealed that America has pumped $25 BILLION in non-military aid to Ukraine… including paying the salaries of all 57,000 First Responders in that country.

- Let me get this straight… Stores are closing or locking up all their merchandise because we don’t have enough money to pay for enough Cops in THIS Country… but we’re paying the salaries of ALL THE POLICE in UKRAINE??

- Am I missing something here??

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Squad leader AOC was roasted on Social Media after claiming that the reason she owns a Tesla and not a Union-Made Electric Car is because “The vaccines weren’t ready during the Pandemic”.

- This is the same person who told us 4 years ago that because of Global Warming, in 12 years (8 years from now) we’re all gonna be DEAD.

- I’m starting to think AOC is a bit of a “Glass is Half Empty” kind of girl.

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IN REALLY IMPORTANT NEWS…

A Canadian Dog has set a new Guinness World Records title by removing 21 socks from the feet of volunteers in one minute.

- In case you’re wondering what kind of Dog we’re talk about… He’ a Socker Spaniel. (Ba da boom)

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Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and his House Speaker have apologized after they led Parliament in a standing ovation over the weekend for a 98 year old supposed “Canadian-Ukranian War Hero” who fought the Russians during World War II… Turns out the man, Yaroslav Hunka, was a member of a NAZI unit during the War that committed documented War Crimes.

- They asked Trudeau how it’s goin’ and he replied, “Not goin’ too good, eh? But thanks for ahskin…”

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Democrats are calling a new Washington Post/ABC News Poll that found former President Trump has a 10 POINT LEAD over President Biden an “outlier” and not a true representation of a likely election outcome.

- Settle in folks… We’ve still got 14 MONTHS TO GO!

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An investigative report found that not one student at 13 Baltimore High Schools was proficient in Math.

- Not one student out of 13 schools?? That’s almost 90 percent !!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Do you remember? The 21st Night of September? It’s National “Earth, Wind, & Fire Day!” Love that song! It was Jackie’s favorite when she was 15 years old and spent 63 days in Children’s Hospital. I used to play it for her during my show. Jackie still loves that song to this day! And so do I !!!

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President Biden looked confused again Wednesday as he walked into a giant flag at the UN — then appeared to anger Brazil’s president by walking off stage without shaking his hand.

- Can you guess the official language of Brazil? (Answer at the end of the blog!)

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During her speaking tour of College campuses across the Country Wednesday, VP Kamala Harris said that young people are questioning whether to get married, buy a house or have kids because of... "Climate Anxiety" and the impact it could have on the environment.

- I love that today's people are worried about how having kids is going to impact “The Planet”. Wait til they find out how much having a kid is going to impact their SLEEP!

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Elton John has put his 13,500 sq. ft. Atlanta apartment on the market for a cool $5 MILLION.

- Well at that price, “I think it’s gonna be a long, long time ‘til the Rocketman sells his Apartment”.

- Still… it would be pretty cool. I mean think about it… “You can tell EVERYBODY… this is your Condo”.

- Elton says he’s leaving Atlanta because…“Georgia ain’ the kinda place to raise a kid… In fact it’s Hot as hell…”

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Hundreds of people who identify as DOGS (??) gathered in Berlin, Germany the other day… Why?? To Run, Jump, and play “Go France”.

-I’m sorry… that’s “Go Fetch”. The “France” part came in later, when the they headed over to Paris and made all of the French Bulldogs “Roll Over”.

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Republican Presidential Candidate Will Hurd has presented a detailed plan for regulating Artificial Intelligence.

- Step 1: Fire the cast of "The View".

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A new study finds engaging in moderate to vigorous exercise between 7:00 a.m. and 9:00 a.m. is the optimal time for weight loss.

- Well, since I already missed today’s “Weight Loss Window”… I’m gonna run up to Dairy Queen for a Peanut Buster Parfait and give it another shot tomorrow.

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A sports car owner in Colorado somehow managed to escape unscathed after a massive pick-up truck tipped over and landed on the roof of his Corvette.

- On a bright note… He’s now got a convertible.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

ANSWER: It’s Portuguese.

Good news! They found the Jet! Debris from the $80 MILLION State-of-the-Art F-35 Fighter Jet that disappeared Sunday after its pilot ejected during a training mission over North Carolina has been found 80 miles from where it was last seen. EVEN BETTER NEWS… The pilots luggage has been located on Baggage Carousel #3 at O’Hare Airport in Chicago!!

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It’s National “Talk Like a Pirate Day”! The day we set aside to say things like… “Shiver me Timbers!”… “Hang the Jib, You Scallywag”… and “Lyin’ Dog Face Pony Soldier”… No Wait… That one’s from “National Talk Like a PRESIDENT Day”.

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While slamming the new “Relaxed” Senate Dress Code that Chuck Schumer put in place to accommodate PA Senator John Fetterman’s love of Gym Shorts and Hoodies, 70 year old Maine Senator Susan Collins joked that she plans on wearing a Bikini… “because now she can”.

- I have no problem with her wearing a Bikini… But I DO NOT want to see Chris Christie in a Speedo.

- There are just somethings you just can’t Unsee.

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A judge in Australia threw out a lawsuit by a man who was seeking $643 MILLION US in damages for the “breakdown of his marriage” he says was caused when the staff there encourage him to witness his wife having a C-Section. He says seeing her organs caused him to develop a “psychotic illness” that ruined their marriage. The judge disagreed.

- This reminds me of some friends of my daughter JoAnne. They went to the OB-GYN for the new Mom’s 6 week check up after their first baby was born. The doctor did the exam, said everything looked good and “cleared” them to “resume their normal activities” if you will. Well the husband - who had been in the room for the birth - looked panicked and said… “Doc… I need more time!”

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A survey of Americans who exercise found that more and more people are turning to Canabis as part of their post-workout “Recovery”.

- People used to down a Gatorade. Now they fire up a joint.

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During his interview on NBC's "Meet the Press" Sunday, Former President Trump said he, “Likes the concept” of a female running mate.

- Which is great news for He/She Bud Light Spokesmodel Dylan Mulvanney!!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

The Federal Government is asking for the Publics help in locating an $80 MILLION State-of-the-Art F-35 Fighter Jet that went MISSING over South Carolina yesterday. The pilot ejected safely... but the plane - which was on autopilot - may still be flying or could have crashed. If you have any information... the Gov says to call 1-843-963-3600.

- Seriously?? So now we’ve gone from putting up flyers for your missing Dog or Cat… to doing the same thing for a missing $80 MILLION AMERICAN FIGHTER JET?? Wow.

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THIS JUST IN... Hunter Biden is suing the IRS... claiming Whistleblowers "Illegally released his tax records" and "Embarrassed him".

- But he was okay with the PICTURES of him and the HOOKERS on his LAPTOP?!?!

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Colorado Republican Rep. Lauren Boebert says that she is “truly sorry” after being caught on a night vision camera vaping, dancing, and "getting frisky" with her date at a live performance of Beetlejuice last week.

- It's pretty amazing that they could get all that on camera in a darkened theater... and not one single frame of the guy who left the bag of Cocaine at the White House.

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Over the weekend, Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer quietly changed the Senate Dress Code to allow Senators to wear what they want on the floor instead of traditional business attire. It's being called the "Fetterman Rule" after PA Senator John Fetterman who likes to wear gym shorts and hoodies to work.

- Question: How are we going to tell the difference between the Hoodied mobs robbing us blind in San Francisco & Chicago…. and the Senators with Hoodies robbing us blind in D.C.??

- I guess the new policy is… “If you can’t beat ‘em… Dress like ‘em!”

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According to a new survey, the percentage of American Parents who believe it’s “Very Important” for their kids to have Good Manners has fallen from 76% to just 52%.

- ONLY 52% OF PARENTS think good manners are important??

- Is is any wonder? If our Senators can wear SHORTS to work… why should our kids worry about saying “Please” or “Thank you”???

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On this day in 1793, President George Washington laid the cornerstone of the Capitol Building in Washington D.C.

- He wore Breeches, a Powdered Wig, and a Hoodie with a "We Made America Great” logo on it.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

- Dick

Mexican scientists presented what they claimed were 1,000-year-old "non-human alien corpses" in glass display cases before the Mexican Congress during its first hearing on UFO’s Wednesday.

- Personally, I’d say the so-called “Aliens” look more like Lawn Decorations from “Halloween USA”.

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According to a new study… Tumeric may be just as effective at combating heartburn and indigestion as Omeprazole a.k.a Prilosec.

- Is it just me or does “Omeprazole a.k.a Prilosec” sound more like the name of a new Rapper?

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Mark Zuckerberg’s new social media platform “Threads” - (his answer to X formerly Twitter) - is already in trouble for limiting free speech… admitting they’ve been intentionally blocking searches about Covid and Vaccines in an effort to “Stop Disinformation”.

- If they want to “Stop Disinformation” maybe they should block searches for “Advice from Dr. Fauci”.

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According to newly released documents, during a “Doping Scandal” back in 2014/15, Yankees legend Alex Rodriguez told investigators he “used Viagra and Cialis for fun”.

- Well… yeah… Isn’t that the point?

- It’s not like… “I’m in the mood to clean the gutters, honey! Guess I’ll pop a Viagra”.

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Months after ordering layoffs of dozens of reporters and other employees , USA Today is hiring two journalists to cover two people exclusively: Taylor Swift and Beyoncé.

- So we’ve gone from Woodward and Bernstein covering WATERGATE to a team reporting on who Taylor is dating and what Beyonce is wearing.

- Incredible! And boring. (At least to me!)

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A woman in China was arrested for having 16 jobs at the same time… without ever working. Police say they don’t know how she managed to pull off the scam for so long.

- But I do… “Ancient Chinese Secret”.

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A woman running for local office in Virginia is facing calls to drop out after videos surfaced of her and her husband performing Sex Acts for money online… but she says she’s staying in the race.

- Well I guess we know her position on that. Along with several other things…

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

The Democrat Mayor of Burbank, California who goes by the name “Mayor Spanky”… invited a Drag Queen to Spank him at a Campaign event over the weekend… where there were kids in attendance. He/She, of course obliged.

- We’ve come a long way from Shakin’ Hands and Kissin’ Babies…

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Yesterday, Speaker Kevin McCarthy announced that the House of Representatives will launch a formal Impeachment Inquiry into President Biden… despite the White House and Democrats saying there’s “No Evidence”.

- I guess they mean “No Evidence” other than the $17 MILLION that came from China, Ukraine, Romania etc… that went to members of the Biden family… even the Grandkids!

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Hostess, the maker of Twinkies is being purchased by Smuckers in a $5.6 billion deal.

- Hostess said they felt comfortable trusting their famous Twinkie recipe with the Jelly Giant because, “With a name like Smuckers… It Has To Be Good”.

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A new survey revealed that many homeowners are delaying Do-It-Yourself remodeling projects because of the rising costs of building materials.

- That… and because in my case, I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA how to Do-It-Myself.

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A large sinkhole opened up on a San Francisco street this week following a ruptured water main break.

- Here’s an idea… From what we read and hear about the crazy stuff going on in San Francisco these days… maybe they should just bury the whole city in the Sink Hole and start over.

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Researchers working with the American Heart Association say Doctors have been taking Blood Pressure all wrong! That’s right… the results of a nearly 30-year study found that doctors may miss certain health complications like heart attack and stroke if they don’t take their patients blood pressure while they’re lying down - as well as the usual sitting down.

- Wait… I need some clarification here. Is the DOCTOR supposed to lay down?? Or the patient??

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

22 years ago today… at 8:46am on a beautiful, sunny morning in New York City… the World changed forever.

2,977 people lost their lives in a series of brutal, horrific terrorist attacks on the World Trade Centers in New York, the Pentagon in Washington, D.C., and on a plane bravely forced down by passengers in Shanksville, Pennsylvania… “Let’s Roll”… likely saving thousands more lives. Countless more fell ill and died from the toxic effects of the attacks as the years went on.

We all remember where we were that day… That Moment… When we first heard.

I was on the air and shared what was happening with many of you.

It was Surreal. Unimaginable. An almost out-of-body experience.

How could this happen in America?? TO America??

But as the dust swirled and our hopes for survivors faded… something amazing happened. People started coming together. Because 9/11 didn’t happen to “Republicans” or “Democrats” or “Liberals” or “Conservatives”… it Happened to AMERICANS. Even Congress… members from both sides… gathered on the steps of the Capitol to Sing “God Bless America”.

In that moment… and the difficult days and weeks and months to come… we REMEMBERED.

Remembered that first and foremost… before all of our differences, be it the color of our skin, our sexual orientation, our religion, our economic status or which political party we support … we are AMERICANS. First. Foremost. Forever.

So on this day… as We Remember those who gave so much, we owe it to THEM to Remember who WE ALL ARE… AMERICANS.

We’ll see you back here Tuesday.

-Dick & Jackie

Researchers in Germany believe that Artificial Intelligence may soon supervise human workers.

- Didn’t we already have “Artificial Intelligence” running Germany during WW II?? I think it was some guy named Hitler??

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The latest dating trend has Men asking for "Refunds" for the money they spent on a First Date - when the woman turns down a Second Date - and they don’t see a “return on investment.”

- We had a much less complicated way of dealing with this in the old days... We called it "Going Dutch".

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After the success of "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey", another Nursery Rhyme is getting the Scary Silver Screen treatment. Yes... "Three Blind Mice" is being made into a full-length Horror Movie.

- Boy, I didn't see that coming. And - I'm just guessing here - Neither did the Mice.

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85-year-old actor Anthony Hopkins received rapturous applause when he sat down and began playing piano in a hotel lobby.

- Things got a little tense though when he bought everybody in the audience a "Nice glass of Chianti and some Fava beans".

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The study also found that 90% of those who have a college degree and feel bored at work - never thought they’d feel this way when they were in school.

- Well, duh! You can’t show up for work drunk. Unless, of course you’re a Commercial Airline Pilot.

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According to new survey, nearly half of Americans find their job “unexciting” and are often bored at work.

- It didn’t sound that bad until I found out they only surveyed “Motivational Speakers”.

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Chinese authorities arrested two construction workers accused of using an excavator to dig a hole through the Great Wall in central Shanxi province.

- In America we have Pot Holes. In China they have Pot Sticker Holes.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

- Dick

Remember that Shop teacher in Canada, Kayla Lemieux who claims to be Transgender and showed up to class everyday wearing a blonde wig and giant Z-Cup prosthetic breasts??? Well... He/She showed up for the first day of classes at a new High School - dressed as... a MAN! Yup. A black polo shirt, blue plaid shorts and a good amount of facial hair.

- Then again... in these crazy days having a beard doesn't mean he’s NOT identifying as a Woman. Or… He could be a Man who identifies as a Woman who just didn’t feel like shaving that day.

- Rumor has it that he dropped the act because when he was “Fuller in the chest area”… people kept mistaking him for Chris Christie.

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There was a familiar face missing at the table yesterday when the ladies of "The View" returned from their month-long summer vacation... Whoopi Goldberg was off - and will remain so for a while - as she's tested positive for Covid.

- I didn’t know Whoopi was on Vacation for a month… or that she didn’t come back… since I take a Vacation from “The View” Everyday.

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North Korean leader Kim Jong Un is expected to head to Russia and meet with President Putin to discuss, in part, selling weapons to aid the Kremlin’s war in Ukraine.

- Boy I’d love to be a fly on the wall when those two guys sit down to talk… And then see if Chubby Kim is able to get up and out of the chair when they’re done talkin’.

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A survey of 2,000 working Americans finds that when thinking about saving money for retirement, a “Five-Year Plan” simply isn’t going to cut it.

- That's because the way things are going these days, people aren't sure they’re going to be around five years from now.

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According to a recent survey Rhode Island, West Virginia & Arizona have the most Confrontational Drivers... with more than 80% of drivers saying they've been "yelled at, insulted, cursed at, or threatened by another driver".

- I think they misspelled “Arizona”… It’s actually spelled: “M-I-C-H-I-G-A-N”.

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A Delta flight from Atlanta to Barcelona, Spain had to make an emergency landing when a passenger experienced severe "Intestinal issues" and ran to the lavatory. Unfortunately, he didn’t make it. The pilot declared it a “Biohazard” and headed back to Atlanta.

- Ironically, Passengers were heading to Spain for the Running of the Bulls... and instead, they ended up with, Well…you know.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

I hope you had a great Labor Day Weekend! I saw “Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning” yesterday… To me, it was a “Two Bathroom Break” movie… mainly because the “Impossible Mission” was following the plot. But I did enjoy the Popcorn!

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National Cheese Pizza Day! The day Pizza makers encourage Americans to refrain from ordering toppings and embrace the simplicity of plain old Cheese Pizza.

- Whataya say?? Shall we all Hold the Pepperoni today?

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Double-vaccinated and twice boosted Jill Biden has tested POSITIVE for COVID but is only experincng “mild symptoms” and will remain at the couples home in Delaware. On a bright note… the President tested negative.

- Of course that was just in the Polls. He doesn’t have Covid either.

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The most recent Wall Street Journal Poll showed that if the election were held today, Biden and Trump would be TIED at 46% each.

- Proving once again, it’s a “Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World”.

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According to a new biography, Elon Musk grew to hate Twitter’s blue bird logo and vowed to replace it with his own “X” Logo, telling his team, “All these damn birds have to go.”

- So Elon basically gave the Bird the Bird.

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School is back in session!! New research reveals that the average parent will spend about $489-dollars on school supplies this year.

- But most parents say the trade-off of having the kids out of the house is worth much, much more.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Happy Labor Day! On behalf of Doc, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Bashful, and Dopey… I hope you’re able to spend the day like I am… celebrating … “Lazy”!!!

Have a great Holiday and I’ll see you back here tomorrow!

-Dick

Last nights Super Blue Moon… - “Super” because the moon is closest to the Earth in it’s orbit making it look 14% bigger, and “Blue” because it’s the second Full Moon of the month - made for some incredible sky-gazing. Hope you got a picture… The new Super Blue Moon won’t come around again until 2037.

- Or… The next time Kim Kardashian bends over in a pair of blue jeans.

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To be honest, I went outside to take a look at the moon last night.

There I was… in my Driveway.

Looking at the Blue Moon.

You Saw me Standing Alone.

Without a Coat on.

It was plenty cold out for the 30th of August!

So I went back inside.

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According to a new book - authorized by the Biden Administration - President Biden “occasionally admitted that he felt tired” during his first two years as Commander in Chief.

- Well I guess this explains why he occasionally “lays down” when he’s walking up the steps of Air Force One… He needs to get a MyPillow from Mike Lindell so he can get the BEST NIGHT’S SLEEP OF HIS LIFE… GUARANTEED!!!!!

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Paris Jackson, daughter of the late Michael Jackson, took to social media to defend herself against haters who ripped on her for having armpit hair.

- Raise your hand if you find armpit hair on women unattractive…. UNLESS that is, you're a woman with armpit hair. In that case… you might want to leave your arm down and just nod. Thanks!

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The owners of a Candy Store in Washington State were shocked when their security camera caught a deer wandering into their store to browse the candy bars.

- But he didn’t buy anything. Turns out he didn’t have enough Doe. (Ba dum dum)

- The deer was reported to the police and then treated to a Twizzler by a Jolly Rancher who lived in the area.

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Former NBA great Charles Barkley says he’s a BIG FAN of the Detroit Lions and Head Coach Dan Campbell and has high hopes for them this season.

- Welcome to the party Charles!

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A new survey shows that 1 in 3 Pittsburgh Steelers fans say it's important for their romantic partner to also love the Steelers.

- Meanwhile, Lions fans say it’s important for THEIR romantic partners to, “Expect the usual disappointing Second Half.”

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

25 years ago this month… Bill Clinton admitted to having an affair with Monica Lewinsky.

- What a patriotic time that was! Hillary’s face was Red with Anger… Bill was White with Panic… and Monica’s dress was Blue.

*****

Republican presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy made headlines for rapping Eminem lyrics in public... So a few days ago Eminem sent Vivek a letter demanding that he stop using the music as part of his campaign.

- Apparently Eminem only wants his music used by someone "cool" who “gets” what Rap music is about. Someone, you know, like… Mike Pence.

*****

A group of Researchers discovered four new Tarantula species in a “biodiversity hotspot” in the Colombian Pacific region.

- Unfortunately, the new species were killed by one of the researchers who came upon them in a cave and killed them with a rolled up newspaper.

- If you ask me, the “Key” to being a good researcher, is not KILLING the subject you set out to “Research”!

*****

A U.S. judge has given the green light to a class action lawsuit against Burger King alleging that ads make the Whopper look 35% bigger with double the amount of meat than is actually served to customers. The suit seeks monetary damages for “all customers who were deceived”.

- So apparently “Special Orders DO UPSET ‘EM” if you ask for your Whopper to actually look like it does in the picture!

- If Burger King loses the suit, that would be a ton of cash! Maybe it’s not ALWAYS “Good to be the King”…

*****

The number of job openings in the United States decreased to 8.8 million in July, the lowest that number has been in more than two years.

- And if you’ve ever been to Home Depot and tried to find someone to help you… you know most of those 8 Million Job Openings are right there.

*****

Tom Brady is playing it cool while his girlfriend, Russian Model Irina Shayk vacations with her ex-boyfriend Bradley Cooper and their daughter in Italy. Reps say Irina and Brad are just friends - even though Brad took topless photos of her last week.

- Looks like Tom isn’t the only one making Passes!!!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

A new AP poll found that 77% of Americans - including 69% of Democrats - think Joe Biden is too old to serve a second term.

- But that number goes way down when they talk about getting him some Blu-Blocker Ray-Ban Aviator Sunglasses, a Walk-In Bath-Tub for the Oval Office, and an electric Chairlift for Air Force One.

*****

This morning, the National Archives revealed that it has 5,400 emails in which Prez Biden allegedly used FAKE NAMES to forward government info and discuss business with his son Hunter and other family members. The names include: "Robin Ware", "Robert L. Peters", and "JRB Ware".

- Something tells me they’d have gotten to the bottom of this a lot faster if one of the fake names he’d used had been “Donald J. Trump”.

- He might have gotten that “Robert L. Peters” idea from me. I used something similar on stage in my second grade play. I was “Peter T. Rabbit” … (the “T” stood for “The”).

*****

Chess grandmaster Hans Niemann has been cleared of charges that he used… Get ready for this… vibrating “Anal Beads”… to cheat when he beat rival and the World's #1 Chess Player Magnus Carlsen in a Match last year.

- How do they know????

*****

According to an annual survey by the Boys & Girls Clubs of America, bullying in schools has shot up over the past five years.

- You wanna make something of it???

*****

Iggy Azalea claims she was forced to stop her concert in Saudi Arabia after she suffered a wardrobe malfunction while performing Friday night.

Which begs the Question: Who is Iggy Azalea???

*****

Starting November 3, for an extra $49 US, passengers on Turkish-Dutch Corendon Airlines can buy seats in "Kid Free Zones" on select flights.

- So now if someone is kicking your seat from behind, it won't be a kid, it'll be from the couple behind you joining the Mile High Club.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

President Biden's Alcohol Czar says Americans may be told by officials to have no more than two beers a week… following the guidelines adopted by Canada earlier this year.

- Wait… We have an Alcohol Czar?? Who is it? Hunter Biden?

- And I can’t believe Canadians agreed to only TWO BEERS PER WEEK. I don’t know who their “Alcohol Czar” IS but I can tell you who it ISN’T… Doug or Bob McKenzie!!! “Now take off, eh!!!”

*****

Scientists are working on a new Birth Control Pill for Grey Squirrels as a way to keep their populations down.

- Apparently it's too difficult for the Squirrels to put condoms on with thier tiny little paws.

*****

The Air Traffic Control System in the United Kingdom has been hit by a 'huge network failure' grounding thousands of flights for up to 12 hours.

- So the only person flying today is a teenage girl getting a piggy back ride around the grounds of Buckingham Palace from Prince Andrew.

*****

In response to skyrocketing car theft in Chicago, the cities new Mayor is suing Kia and Hyundai because they make it "too easy for their cars to be stolen".

- So it's not the THIEVES... it's the CAR???

- What's next? If you're shot and killed in Chicago... Will you be sued for making yourself too easy to be MURDERED???

- Wait til State Farm hears about this.

*****

And speaking of “Good Neighbors”…

OJ Simpson has announced his pick for Prez in 2024 and the winner is… Vivek Ramaswamy. Everybody's favorite non-convicted murderer says he thinks Ramaswamy is "on to something". As for Veep... OJ thinks Nikki Haley is perfect for the job.

- Not surprising, really. OJ's always been very a Pro-Woman kinda guy. 😳

*****

A recent survey finds that 4 in 10 gamblers have never actually set foot in a Casino.

- Of course not! That’s what Bookies are for!

*****

Get Well Soon… Best Wishes to Sir Elton John who is back home and on the mend after being taken to the hospital following a fall at his home in Nice, France. The Rocketman is 76 and “He’s Still Standing”!

RIP… Bob Barker… Legendary host of “Truth or Consequences” (1956-1975) and then “The Price is Right” for 35 years has died at the age of 99.

- Hard to believe Bob made it “so close to 100 “Without going over”.

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

What a night! Bright lights… Thunderous clapping… it seemed like it would never end! And I’m not talking about the GOP debate… I’m talking about the weather! That storm last night was WILD and went on… FOREVER!

*****

Speaking of the debate… What did you think? Winners?? Losers?? I thought Doug Burgum, the Gov. of North Dakota, on the far right of the stage did a really good job even though nobody - and I mean NOBODY is talking about him this morning. He’s the Gov. of N. Dakota and talked about growing up poor, starting a small biz and turning it into a multi-million dollar international corporation. Plus - he was in pain from a torn Achilles heel AND besides that, he’s got some pretty impressive eyebrows. For a minute there, I thought Groucho Marx was running for President!

*****

BTW… Burgum actually injured himself playing basketball before the debate.

... As opposed to some of the other candidates who were injured DURING the debate.

*****

While there was only one woman on the Stage… I was just glad it was Nikki Haley and not Brittney Spears who is all over the internet with few clothes on and lots of drama about her alleged-impending divorce. (I didn’t even know she was married).

*****

Ratings aren’t in for the debate on Fox yet…

As of this writing, Tucker Carlson's interview with Donald Trump on Twitter racked up 176 MILLION views making it the most watched interview in History.

- Second only to when Big Al played the Maitre d and interviewed people waiting in line for the Port-a-John’s at the Woodward Dream Cruise a few years ago.

*****

As part of her upcoming album, "Rockstar", Dolly Parton got Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr to join her for a cover of The Beatles' 1970 classic "Let It Be."

- They almost recorded a different song when Dolly's bra broke during recording… and somebody screamed, "GET BACK!!!".

- But Dolly said, “Hey… it happens all the time! Let It Be!”

*****

Scientists say the key to living to 100 may be a diet rich in... Beans. They say in addition to protein and fiber, members of the legume family contain copper, iron, magnesium, potassium, folic acid, zinc and lysine - all essesntial for good health.

- Thus the old expression, "Beans, Beans, the Musical Fruit! The More You Eat... The Longer You Live!" Or something like that.

- So the bottom line is... Eat beans and you'll live to 100. No one will want to be around you... but you'll be 100!

- BONUS: Beans are CHEAP!!! Finally a solution to High Gas Prices!!!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick