With the price of Turkey almost $2 a pound and the cost of side dishes through the roof, Economists say many Americans are cutting back by inviting fewer people to Thanksgiving dinner.

- Since we have about 30 people coming for Thanksgiving, we realized we need to make some cuts. I guess this would be as good a time as any to mention… We drew names and… Sorry Jackie! Oh well… there’s always Christmas dinner!

*****

Meanwhile a growing number of Millennials say their ditching the traditional Turkey Day menu altogether and are going for something more affordable for their Thanksgiving Feast… Pizza, Soup & Salad.

- LITTLE KNOWN HISTORICAL FACT: Captain John Smith and Pocahontas sneaked off to her Tee-Pee after dinner. They described each other as “Hot” and “Ready”… which was picked up as the name of the Pizza at the Jamestown Little Caesar’s and the rest, as they say, is history!

*****

Ben Stiller says he’s hesitant about returning for the movie “Dodgeball 2” because “he's a little trepidatious about doing a sequel to something so beloved.”

- "Dodgeball 1" was BELOVED?? I never even heard of it.

*****

Kanye West was seen getting into an argument with a parent at his son Saint’s soccer game in Los Angeles.

- Nice to see Kanye do something normal for a change.

*****

In the latest protest by Climate Activists, two women glued themselves to the handrails around a Dinosaur exhibit at Berlin's Natural History Museum holding a banner that read: "What if the government doesn't have it under control?"

- Call me crazy… but I don't need to glue myself to a Dinosaur to KNOW that the Government Doesn't have much of ANYTHING under control.

*****

A TikTok influencer who filmed herself hitting a golf ball into the Grand Canyon is now facing criminal charges.

- I'm not one to brag... and I'm no "Influencer"... but I hit a golf ball into the Grand Canyon once... and I GOT A HOLE IN ONE!!!!!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Thank you so much for all the kind thoughts and messages yesterday! Meant the world! Meanwhile… my 10 year old Grandson Brayden (My late daughter Julie & her husband Brad’s son) hit it big with the Halloween candy (and the ladies if this pic is any indication!) in his Ironman costume!

*****

Thousands of people were trapped inside China’s Shanghai Disney after the Chinese Government locked down the theme park in response to a local outbreak of COVID. But officials say some rides are still operating to keep people entertained.

- They’ve got great attractions at Shanghai Disney including… “It’s a Small World… Because WE SAID IT IS”, “The Hall of Czars” and “Honey I Brainwashed the Kids”.

- They’ve got EPCOT too… But there’s only one country: China.

*****

According to a new survey of 2,000 U.S. parents with kids between the ages of 3 and 15, 2/3 of respondents have taken & eaten some of the candy their kids got Trick or Treating.

- The other 1/3’s mouthes were so full of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Laffy Taffy they couldn’t respond to the survey.

*****

Gwyneth Paltrow has released her annual list of “Must Have Gifts” just in time for the Holidays… including a $28,500 leather “Sex Chair” and a Miniature Gucci Purse to hold dog poop bags for just $420.

- Proving once again that Gwyneth is really just “The Girl Next Door”… if you happen to live next to a Super Rich, Dog Loving, Sex Crazed Freak with way too much time on her hands.

*****

A 35-year-old New York man claims to be a vampire and even wears fangs to fit the part.

- Well if you’re gonna be up all night you might as well live in the City that Never Sleeps!

*****

A Texas woman says "Hooker Ghosts" have taken over a rental property she owns. She says they "appear at night" and try to proposition her male renters - but so far, there have been no takers.

- It's not that the guys aren't interested... it's that, being Ghosts, they only take Crypt-o currency.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Happy Halloween!!!

NOTE TO TRICK OR TREATERS: I apologize, but due to inflation… The Chunky Soup that I hand out to the little nippers every Halloween won’t be as nearly Chunky this year! Sorry!!

*****

The Lions lost to the Miami Dolphins yesterday 31-27… bringing their record to 1 and 6.

- Further cementing the tradition, that for the 57th year in a row… The Lions will dress up in the most outlandish Halloween Costume they could think of… A Super Bowl-Appearing Football Team.

But my hometown team- the Buffalo Bills continued their winning season last night by beating Green Bay 27-17… bringing their record to 7 and 1 !!! Go Bills!!!! Speaking of Super Bowls… If the Lions can’t do it, It looks like the Bills might!

*****

An 8 year old boy became the youngest person to climb Yosemite's 3,000 foot 'El Capitan' Mountain.

- I feel bad for the kid. Some guys peak in High School. This kid “Peaked” in 3rd Grade.

- I guess it’s all downhill from here.

*****

Kamala Harris continues to be mocked for an awkward video in which she professes her love for “Yellow School Buses”… saying, “Who doesn’t love Yellow School Buses?”.

- Does everything have to be about color??

*****

Pope Francis continues to raise eyebrows by speaking out against nuns and priests watching internet porn.

- Are you kidding me??????? Priests and Nuns have INTERNET???

- This makes me think of my friend Thom Sharp’s great song “They Don’t Make Nun Names Like That No More” where he talked about his teachers. Remember his shop teacher “Sister Mary Black and Decker? I can only imagine his “Sex Ed Teacher”… “Sister Mary Very Bad Habit”.

*****

An actor from Lion King: The Musical is accusing his female co-star Ameena Kaplan of demanding sex and threatening to hold back his career if he didn’t sleep with her.

- He said it wasn’t a question of “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” but rather “What TIME Tonight??”.

*****

My sweet and wonderful wife Gail passed away 4 years ago today. She is truly loved and missed by me and our girls ❤️

Have a great day, Happy Halloween and I’ll see you back here Tuesday…

-Dick

A survey of 2,000 adults finds that 29% admit their brain “shuts down” when they see or hear the word “data.”

- My brain shuts down when I hear the words, “Medicare Part B”.

*****

The IRS announced that individuals will be able to contribute more money to their 401 retirement accounts in 2023.

- Great! How bout we start with them giving back all the money we lost during 2022??

*****

An Indonesian Grandmother went out to do some gardening near her home in the jungles of Sumatra and ended up getting attacked and swallowed alive by a 22 foot Python snake.

- On a bright note… She won’t have to sit through anymore of those “Medicare Advantage Enrollment Period” Commercials with JJ Walker, Joe Namath & William Shatner!!!

*****

Kim Kardashian's 42nd Birthday celebration in Vegas was canceled after strong winds forced Kylie Jenner's private jet make an unscheduled landing.

- Amazingly… the winds were INSIDE the plane. Turns out Kim and Kylie got up to change seats and they created such a tail wind they overshot Los Angeles.

*****

Boy George posted an Instagram video in which he slammed Kim Kardashian for not publicly condemning Kanye West's antisemitic remarks.

- Boy George said of Kim, "You'll get yours... cuz Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon's a bitch!" (The Millennial version of “What goes around, comes around!”)

*****

Pharma giant Pfizer plans to sell its new COVID vaccine with a 10,000% markup - despite revenues tripling and the CEO pocketing $50 MILLION during the Pandemic.

- G… It’s been a while since I’ve been in High School, but that seems more like MATH to me than SCIENCE.

*****

An Iranian hermit known as “The World’s Dirtiest Man” has died at the ripe age of 94. The man, known as “Uncle Haji”, hadn’t bathed in decades because he believing bathing would make him sick. Uncle Haji never married and had no children.

- Well that’s a big surprise.

*****

A mother-to-be has inspired women, fishing hobbyists, and others after she pole-speared a potential world record fish while freediving at eight months pregnant.

- Oh yeah? I once ate a Filet o Fish while my wife was IN LABOR with one of my Daughters!!! So there!!!

*****

DON’T RIP… Jerry Lee Lewis… On Wednesday, Media outlets erroneously reported that the 87 year old singer of “Great Balls of Fire” had died at his home in Memphis… but it turns out… HE’S ALIVE!!!

- Doctors thought his heart had stopped, but it turns out, there was still a Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Adidas has terminated its partnership with Kanye “Ye” West over his anti-Semitic comments.

- Kanye says he found out he’d been dumped when he got a letter that said, “Hear Ye… Hear Ye… You’re Fired”.

*****

Yesterday was “National Cartoonists Against Crime Day”… The day Cartoonists stood up against Crime by refusing to Draw their Guns!

*****

A study of more than 13,000 over 50’s in the US found that parents who have at least one son experience faster mental decline than people who only have daughters.

- We raised six daughters and so far this morning I lost my keys and forgot where I put my phone. I guess if we’d had six sons… I wouldn’t even be able to find my house.

*****

Federal data shows student test scores plunged in the U.S. as the COVID-19 school closures erased decades of academic progress — with math scores recording their LARGEST DECREASE EVER. How bad is it? 3 in 10 can’t even do basic division.

- Why… that’s 50%!

*****

A recent survey of Gen Z (ages 12 to 26) found that their favorite restaurant is… Chick-fil-A.

And if the news about test scores is correct, that may be the only “A” they’re bringing home this year.

*****

On a new Podcast, Snoop Dogg’s “Professional Joint Roller” revealed that the rapper smokes up to 150 Marijuana cigarettes A DAY - and says she’s rolled more than 450,000 joints for Snoop since 2016.

- So “Professional Joint Roller” is actually A JOB??

-I can hear it now… “What are you going to school for, Son?” “Well… I’m thinking about majoring in Joint Rolling with a Minor in Meth”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

According to a new report, the ongoing spread of bird flu will likely affect increase the price and lower the availability of turkeys this Thanksgiving.

- Now TURKEY’S are getting the FLU?? How soon til Fauci tells us we have to Mask the Birds??

*****

In a new survey, 51% of Americans admitted they are too afraid to ask their doctor about a health condition or symptoms they’re experiencing.

- And “Wokeness” is making it even more confusing… Now we’ve got men who are afraid to ask their doctors if they’re pregnant.

*****

When sheriff’s deputies showed up to serve an eviction notice to a Massachusetts woman, she put on a professional bee keepers outfit and unleashed several hives of bees on the officers. After a two hour “Swarm off”… the woman was taken into custody and charged with assaulting the officers.

- Proving my Grandmother right! “You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar… but it doesn’t work on Cops”. (I’ve always wondered how she knew that part about it not working on Cops…)

- It was the first time in Massachusetts Law Enforcement History that the SUSPECT conducted a Sting Operation after the cops put out an APBee. (Ba da Boom!)

*****

A California man, known only as “Bud” was pulled over after a brief pursuit by police on suspicion of driving under the influence… on a HORSE. Cops said “Bud” was “galloping through traffic” and “initially refused to pull the horse over”. (True!)

- Police handed him a ticket, saying “This one’s for you, Bud”.

- They also questioned the horse, but he said he was “None the Wiser.”

*****

A 23-year-old man in NYC pays $1,100 a month in rent to live in an apartment the size of an average parking spot.

I’m no financial planner, but why doesn’t he just kill two birds with one stone and Live in his Car??

*****

Researchers at Boston University are denying claims that they "Created" a deadly new strain of COVID-19 with an "80% kill rate”… saying they are simply trying to learn how the virus works and that there is NO DANGER of the virus escaping into the human population.

- Where have we heard THAT before??

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

A sequel to “Man of Steel,” a movie about Superman, is actively searching for screenwriters. (True)

- I’ll write the screenplay right now! First we change the name to “Men of STEAL”… The scene: San Francisco. There’s no dialogue, just footage of the “Smash & Grab” looters breaking into Jewelry stores with hammers in broad daylight. BUT… they MUST limit themselves to $950 worth of stolen goods or they’ll be HELL TO PAY — AN HOUR IN JAIL!!!!!!

*****

Researchers at Boston University are denying claims that they "Created" a deadly new strain of COVID-19 with an "80% kill rate”… saying they are simply trying to learn how the virus works and that there is NO DANGER of the virus escaping into the human population.

- Where have we heard THAT before??

*****

Passengers on a flight from Tampa to New Jersey’s Newark Airport began shrieking as the plane taxied to the gate when a garter snake slithered out from under one of the seats in Business Class. Police and Airport personnel removed the snake - which they determined was NOT poisonous.

- United issued an apologie to passengers...and charged the Snake for a Business Class seat.

- Apparently the Airline didn't buy the Snakes story that he DID pay and actually brought the Pilot on as his "Emotional Support Human".

*****

A new study argues that "Algae Burgers" and other food created from marine aquaculture could feed the world and help save the planet at the same time.

- I don't care how "Special" the sauce is... I'm NOT eating, "Two all ALGAE patties, lettuce, cheese, pickles, and onions on a Sesame Seed Bun"!!

*****

Meghan Markle quit her 2006 job as a briefcase girl on “Deal or No Deal” because she felt she was being, quote, “reduced to a bimbo.”

- I'm thinking Meghan would have been more comfortable on "Who Wants To MARRY a Millionaire?"

*****

Japan’s oldest existing toilet, dating back hundreds of years, has been damaged after it was accidentally back into by a car driven by an employee of an organization... that PRESERVES CULTURAL RELICS.

- Don’t MOST PEOPLE use the toilet by backing into it??

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

More than 2/5 of men and women say they’ve tried Cannabis… with more Women smoking pot than ever before.

To put that in perspective, If Casablanca was made today Rick would say, “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine… with a Joint.”

*****

Uber Eats announced that it will begin delivering Cannabis to residents in the Toronto area.

- So now it’ll be even easier for people in a Touque to take a Toke!

*****

According to new research… Dogs JUDGE YOU when you make mistakes. But ONLY IF THEY’RE FEMALE.

- So your male dog may be hanging his head out the car window to catch the breeze… but your girl dog is sticking her head out the window to tell all the other drivers that you’re LOST and your refuse to STOP AND ASK FOR DIRECTIONS… and beside that, YOU’RE GOING TOO FAST.

*****

During the Tampa Bay Buccaneers loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers, Tom Brady yelled at his offensive line, quote, “get your effing act together!”

- He was either trying to motivate ‘em… or he was describing the last thing Gisele said to him before she threw all his stuff out on the front lawn.

*****

A new study finds that growing up near the shoreline is linked to better well-being.

- Unless, of course, you live on the shores of Lake Chernobyl.

- Or the Rouge River.

*****

A new survey finds that nearly 14% of people in the UK - that’s 1 in 7 people - identify as “nudists.”

- I don’t know if they’re talking about the Royal Family or not… but if they are… We’ve got King Charles, Queen Consort Camilla, Prince William, Princess Kate, Princess Anne, Fergie and… um… wait! Of course! Prince Andrew! And He makes 7!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

A 35-year-old man Pennsylvania man was arrested after he stripped naked at a gas station, exposed his genitals, then jumped into a freezer full of bagged ice.

- This guy’s not “Regular”…. He’s definitely not “Premium”… He’s more the “Unleaded” type.

*****

In an interview over the weekend, Dr. Fauci agreed that his fame has “Skyrocketed” since the Pandemic, and admitted that he has a throw pillow with his face on it at his home.

-I know a lot of people who would love to have a pillow with Fauci’s face on it that they could THROW…

*****

Two female “Climate Activists” threw two cans of Campbell’s tomato soup over Van Gogh’s famous “Sunflowers” painting at London’s National Gallery Saturday - before gluing themselves to the wall. The teens - who are part of the group “Just Stop Oil” - were arrested - but the painting valued at $82 MILLION was undamaged - as it was covered in glass.

- I’m glad that the painting is okay… but what a waste of good Soup!

*****

Just in time for the Holidays… Anheuser-Busch is introducing it’s new pooch-friendly Turkey-flavored “Dog Brew”. It’s made from Bone Broth, IS SAFE for humans to drink, but “Is specifically made for a Dog’s refined palate”.

- It’s alcohol free so you’re not gonna end up with a Schnockered Schnoodle.

- I’m okay with the Turkey Flavor and the Bone Broth… but the “Dog’s refined palate” which is usually your neighbors leg… Not so much.

*****

Across the United Kingdom, teenage environmentalists are pouring milk all over the floor in grocery stores to raise awareness about “Dairy Production Emissions”.

- These kids are about 4 Quarts short of a Gallon.

- Maybe we should change the campaign from “Got Milk??” to “Got BRAINS??”

*****

81-year-old billionaire New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft married his 47-year-old fiancé in a surprise ceremony Friday night.

- Ironically, the couple is registered at Lover’s Lane… but he’s not allowed to drive there at night.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

PIC OF CAMP LE JUNE

Saw this on Facebook and had to share! Enough said!

******

Tom Brady has joined a group of investors buying an expansion team for the 2023 Major League Pickleball Season. For those of you that don’t know, Pickleball is played with paddles and combines elements of tennis, badminton and ping-pong.

- Isn’t Tom already in a bit of a financial Pickle with Gisele?? Although word on the street is, she’s got more money that he has!

*****

Gen Z - 10 to 25 year olds… say that the "Thumbs Up" emoji is "Passive/Aggressive" and using it, and other emojis like the Red Heart, and Clapping Hands makes people look "Old".

- NOTE TO GEN Z: Commenting on stuff like this makes you look “Annoying”.

*****

According to a new survey, over half of all parents’ hide Halloween candy to enjoy after the holiday.

- Truth is... they don't mean to hide it. They just set it down with their keys and phone and it's Thanksgiving by the time they remember where they left it.

*****

On the latest episode of “The Kardashians”, Kim Kardashian told her Grandma that she had sex with her then boyfriend Pete Davidson on the floor in front of a fireplace “to honor her”.

- Hey... some people Honor their Grandparents by handing down family heirlooms and treasured recipes... others, by having sex in front of the fire.

*****

Scores on the ACT college admissions test have hit their lowest point in more than 30 years - with 42% of the Class of 2022 High School Grads failing to meet ANY OF THE BENCHMARKS IN ENGLISH, READING, SCIENCE or MATH.

- But on a bright note... When the results were mailed out, the ACT graders got every students “Preferred Pronouns” right 100% of the time!

*****

Tom Cruise is set to become “the first civilian to do a spacewalk” outside of the International Space Station when he blasts off into space to shoot a new action movie.

- They say it’ll be, “A Small Step For Mankind… And a Giant Leap for A Man Whose Kinda Short”.

*****

A horticulture teacher from Minnesota set a new U.S. record for the heaviest pumpkin after raising a giant gourd weighing 2,560 pounds.

- That is what Linus in the “Peanuts” cartoon would call… “A Great Pumpkin”!!

*****

Happy Birthday to Marie Osmond Who is 63 today!

She's a little bit country... And a lit bit lighter than she used to be thanks to Nutrisystem!!!!!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

RIP… Angela Lansbury… known for her roles in “Gaslight”, “The Manchurian Candidate”, “Murder She Wrote”, and “Beauty & The Beast” among many others… died yesterday at the age of 96. She admitted a few years ago, that back in the 1960’s, when she realized her daughter had started hanging around with Charles Manson - she moved her entire family to Ireland to get away from Manson and his followers. Smart move!

*****

A California man is suing the makers of Texas Pete hot sauce over false advertising, because it’s not made in Texas.

- Wait until he finds out Heinz doesn’t have 57 Varieties.

- And I’m pretty sure Dove Soap isn’t made out of actual Birds…

*****

Researchers say that exposure to other people’s infidelity can actually “rub off” on people and make them more likely to be unfaithful in their own romantic relationship.

- If that’s true… Hillary Clinton’s Dance Card is FULL!

*****

In a bizarre business move, Kanye West played a pornographic film for shocked Adidas executives during a recent meeting.

- Maybe Kanye thought he was meeting with Nike and assumed they were comfortable with the whole “Just Do It” thing??

*****

According to a new poll, 78% of pet owners agree that seeing their furry friend when they come home is the best part of their day - even more than seeing their kids.

- It’s a tough call. Your dog or cat can’t hug you like your kids can… but then again, your kids don’t get so excited to see you that they pee on the carpet.

*****

A pair of authentic Levi Jean’s from the 1880’s Gold Rush were sold at auction for $76,000. The Jeans - which are being called “The Holy Grail of Vintage Denim Collecting” were found in an abandoned mine in New Mexico by a “Denim Archeologist”.

- There are “Denim Archeologists”? Sounds like somebody graduated with Honors from THE Ohio State University!!!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!’

-Dick

Had a fabulous time last night... I was the “Designated Driver” for my wife Donna, 4 of my Daughters and a couple of their friends for the Michael Buble concert down at LCA. And whatdaya know… for my efforts, they even got me a ticket! Great show… HUGE ORCHESTRA… Big crowd (especially on a Monday night!) And not only Monday… but yesterday was Canadian Thanksgiving (which we forgot to mention on the blog) and Buble IS CANADIAN! He even worked on his NATIONAL HOLIDAY!! Great show, eh!?!? I’d see him again… even if I wasn’t the driver!!

*****

In an effort to battle Climate Change, New Zealand is considering a proposal to tax the greenhouse gases farms produce, including BURPING and PEEING.

- Question: Are they talking about the Farm ANIMALS or the FARMERS??

- As Bob Dylan said, "The Answer my Friend... Is Blowin' in the Wind. The Answer is Blowing' in the Wind".

*****

Researchers with the American Heart Association have found that 91 percent of parents notice their families are less stressed when they share meals together.

- With the exception of the Royal Family when Harry and Meghan are in town.

*****

A new poll reveals that 6 in 10 Americans credit celebrity role models for getting them through tough times.

- It's true. I wouldn’t have made it through the Pandemic if I hadn’t worn Shapewear like Kim Kardashian, gotten diet tips from Michael Moore and read Joy Behar's memoir, "Always Smiling".

*****

Serbian scientists have named a new species of Beetle after tennis great Novak Djokovic due to its speed, strength, flexibility, durability and ability to survive in a difficult environment.

- They say they are working to teach the Beetle how to play the Drums... and if successful, will rename it, "Ringo Starr".

*****

A high school golf team in Austin, Texas, had to cancel practice last week after they showed up to the course and encountered a group of scantily clad Adult Entertainment Club employees holding their “Annual Company Outing”.

- Hey… at least that’s ALL they were holding.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Happy Columbus Day!!!

The day Christopher Columbus arrived in America on October 12, 1492. As I’m sure you remember from elementary school, old Chris arrived with three ships, the Nina, the Pinta & the Santa Maria. (There were actually 4 ships at the start of the Voyage, but the 4th one ran on electricity which A) hadn’t been invented yet and B) there were no charging stations in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean so that was a bust.

But all was not lost… When Chris stepped off the ship he immediately went to Gardner White where they were offering 25% off everything - plus FREE DELIVERY - during their incredible Columbus Day Sale!!!

*****

91 year old William Shatner says that seeing Earth from Space aboard Jeff Bezos Blue Origin Rocket last year was a “profoundly saddening experience”… adding that it made him realize “how mankind abuses Earth”.

- What about all those times he saw Earth from the Starship Enterprise??? I mean, come on he was CAPTAIN KIRK!!! It’s not like this was the first time he boldly went where no man has gone before!!!

*****

A Boston Chinese restaurant is asking the public for help after the arm from a giant skeleton was stolen from their Halloween Decoration Display.

- That reminds me of Wong from Wong’s Chinese Carry Out on Woodward Avenue! He was a regular on the show because Big Al used to go in every now and then and say “Hello Wong” And Wong would say, “Hello Big Al”. And Al would say, "What’s the special today?” And every time, Wong would say, “ALMOND BONELESS CHICKEN!!!” It never changed…

*****

According to new data from a 2022 report on fast food restaurants in the US, the fastest Drive-Thru's in the country are at.... Taco Bell.

- Taco Bell is also the restaurant that will have you in line for the bathroom the fastest.

*****

A Royal Biographer says that Prince Harry “clings” to wife Meghan Markle, quote, “like a needy man, like a life raft.”

- Well I hate to break it to Harry… but if he’s never seen “Titanic” he’d better check it out. Meghan is like Kate Winslet, Harry’s like Leonardo DiCaprio, and when push comes to shove there’s NO WAY IN HELL SHE’S GONNA MOVE OVER AND MAKE ROOM FOR HIM ON THAT FLOATING DOOR!!!

*****

Recently, some less-than-happy Amtrak passengers say there was no electricity, heat, food or working bathrooms during a 19-hour trip from Pontiac to Chicago.

- Well you know… You can’t please everybody.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Singer Rihanna admitted that she’s starting to “feel the nerves” after being named to headline next year’s Super Bowl halftime show… something she’s never done before.

- If SHE’s nervous about appearing at the Super Bowl for the first time… Imagine how the Lions will feel if that ever happens to them!

*****

An organic chemistry professor at NYU has been fired after 82 out of his 350 students signed a petition to get rid of him for making the subject 'too hard'.

- “Too Hard”??? They should try getting hit over the head with a history book by the High School Football Coach Jules Yakopovitch for talking too much during the 10th grade Study Hall. (Yes… that’s an actual picture of him. Found it on Google.)

*****

A wedding guest in the UK claims a Bride and Groom charged him an extra $4.07 US after they watched the video from their big day and noticed him on camera sneaking an extra piece of wedding cake. He says they messaged him several days after the nuptials and demanded the cash.

- Similar story… I saw my Dad putting extra desserts in his pocket from the “Sweet Table” at daughter Jackie’s wedding. I certainly didn’t charge him $4.07 for it! (I only charged him 2 bucks. Hey… He was family!)

*****

Some fast food customers at restaurants in California are having their fries made and served by “Flippy 2” - a new Robotic Cook that is said to make fries “Faster, More Efficiently and with More of a Smile” than humans. Miso Robotics… the maker of “Flippy 2” is also working on a robot that makes drinks, called “Sippy”.

- Can a robot that makes burgers be far behind?? I can’t wait to meet “Greasy”!

*****

The prison specs worn by notorious serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer - who is back in the news thanks to a new Netflix series - are up for grabs — for a hefty $150,000.

- Why that’s an arm and a leg!

*****

NASA and SpaceX sent the first Native American woman into orbit yesterday.

- Elizabeth Warren said motion sickness was her “Chief complaint” but added that it was a real thrill being delivered to the launchpad on an Apache Helicopter.

*****

NBA forward Blake Griffin said he will wear number 91 for the Boston Celtics as he “pays tribute to the great defensive player and rebounder, Dennis Rodman”.

- He was going to pay tribute to Rodman by dating Madonna, but his doctor said he’s immunocompromised.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

The NY Yankee’s Aaron Judge hit his historic 62nd Home Run last night breaking Roger Maris’s record of 61 Home Runs in a single season set back in 1961. Before that, the record was held by Babe Ruth, who hit 60 HR’s in 1927. As I mentioned, Judge plays for the Yankees… as did Ruth and Maris when they set their records.

- Apparently the 63 Home Runs I hit during a single season of Junior High baseball doesn’t count. All I got was a stupid “Participation Trophy”.

*****

Inside sources are claiming that Tom Brady and Giselle Bundchen have hired divorce attorneys.

- You didn’t hear from me… but I’ve heard the issue boils down to this: Giselle is a big jewelry fan and she’s jealous that Tom has more Rings than she has.

*****

Three scientists have been awarded the Nobel Prize for chemistry for their collective work that produced what the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences calls “An ingenious tool for building molecules”.

- Molecules Schmolecules! How about building something we could ALL REALLY USE… like, say… A big sign that comes on to remind you when you walk into a room and immediately forget why you went in there.

*****

A Cadillac Escalade used as Mafia boss Tony Soprano’s personal vehicle in the final three seasons of “The Sopranos” is up for sale. The 2003 SUV is autographed by actor James Gandolfini and is listed for $175,000… but the owner says he’ll “consider other offers”.

- So go ahead. Make him an offer he can’t refuse.

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The total number of Americans who used Google to search for “Excuses to Miss Work” soared from 355,890 in 2018 to almost 4 MILLION in 2022 — a ten-fold increase.

- With 25% of Americans still working from home… they’re basically calling their boss from their bedroom to say their too sick to make it to the living room??

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America is officially facing a butter shortage right before the holiday season.

- The politicians are handling the crisis differently. Biden is blaming the Butter Shortage on Putin, Bernie Sanders says “Free Butter is Guaranteed by the Constitution”, and Trump has already made hats that read: “Make Margarine Great Again”.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

RIP… Country Legend Loretta Lynn - known for writing and singing hits like “Coal Miner’s Daugher” and “Don’t Come Home a Drinkin’ (With Lovin’ on Your Mind)” died peacefully at her home in Tennessee this morning at age 90. She was the older sister of Crystal Gayle - whose hit “Don’t it Make My Brown Eyes Blue” we parodied on my radio show as “Donuts Make My Brown Eyes Blue” and played many times over the years.

Cute story about Lorretta… she once said, “Daddy used to come out on the porch where I would be singing and rockin’ the babies to sleep. He’d say, ‘Loretta, shut that big mouth. People all over this holler can hear you.’ And I said, ‘Daddy, what difference does it make? They’re all my cousins.’”

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It’s International “Toot Your Flute Day”…

But let's not stand on ceremony! If you don't have a Flute... Toot anyways!!!

And being October 4th... It's 10-4… aka “Broderick Crawford Day” as we used to call it on my show! As you may remember, “10-4” is what his his character Chief Dan Matthew barked out regularly on his TV show “Highway Patrol”.

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There is a growing movement in Australia to have Queen Elizabeth’s image on the $5 Bill replaced not with King Charles III as would be tradition - but with Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin - who fans say is more representative of Down Under.

- Well if that’s the criteria, why not go with Koala Bears and Kangaroos?

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According to a new study, a majority of people say listening to music is the best way to deal with a romantic break-up.

- The 2nd best way of dealing with a romantic breakup is “Throwing all their stuff on the front lawn”.

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The study also found that Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You,” and Fleetwood Mac’s “Go Your Own Way” are considered two of "The Best Breakup Songs” ever recorded.

- Followed by, “If You’re Happy and You Know It… Clap Your Hands!!!”

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Norwegian Cruise Line confirmed that New York City has approached the company inquiring about using a cruise ship to house an influx of illegal immigrants to the city.

- Here’s an idea… Maybe they could swing the boat by Ellis Island and have the immigrants get off and enter the country the old fashioned way?

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According to a new poll, 4 in 5 Americans believe that if animals were able to talk like people, Dogs would be the first to speak up.

- Some male dogs already DO talk… When they see a pretty girl dog walk by, the first thing you hear is… “Woof!”

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53% of those polled say they imagine their favorite pet would have a certain tone, accent, or pattern of speaking.

- For example, People with English Bull Dogs think they’d speak “Proper English”, German Shepard’s would “Bark Orders” and French Bulldogs “Would laugh while they Oui Oui” all over your carpet.

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“Bros”… Billed as Hollywoods’s first “All-Gay Romantic-Comedy” bombed at the box office bringing in just $5 MILLION nationwide in it’s opening weekend.

- I guess that means they’re gonna pull the plug on “When Harry Met Stanley” and “Thelma Loves Louise”.

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A pregnant Florida woman braved strong winds and potentially dangerous flooding to get to a hospital after she went into labor during Hurricane Ian.

- Both Mom and Baby are doing well… although Mom says that both she and her basement are still retaining water.

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A man was arrested at an airport in China for illegally importing almost 500-pounds of chicken, beef, and pork stuffed in his luggage.

- What’s even worse… his bags containing the side of white rice, egg rolls and Sweet & Sour Sauce got lost and ended up at another airport.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Didn’t know what picture to put up today to capture the scope of loss and destruction that Hurricane Ian has brought to Florida and the Southern Region.

Since October arrives tomorrow… we thought we’d let this little guy sum up our sadness about the catastrophe. Thoughts and Prayers to everyone affected and those working to help!!!

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The White House says that Russian men who are fleeing the country to avoid being drafted into Putin’s war against Ukraine should seek asylum in the U.S.

- Well why not?? Everybody else is comin’ in!!!

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Yesterday, Amazon introduced it’s new “Halo Rise” Sleep Tracker… a bedside device that uses non-contact sensors and artificial intelligence to track room temperature, humidity, light. plus the movement and breathing patterns of the person closest to it to give insight into how well you slept. The cost? $139.

- I think I’m going to save the $139 and go with my tried and true “Sleep Tracker” - The Mirror. I walk in the bathroom, look at my face, say to myself, “You look tired. Another Bad Night’s sleep”. You know what it cost me? Nothing!

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Vice President Kamala Harris made a gaffe during her speech at the Korean Peninsula's Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) on Thursday, saying that the United States has a "strong alliance" with "the Republic of NORTH Korea” - instead of SOUTH Korea.

- To be fair, like here in America, things near the Southern Border area aren’t exactly her area of expertise.

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A new study finds that “Searching for Meaning” on your Smartphone or Social Media can “Inadvertently exacerbate feelings of despair.”

- Forget searching for “Meaning”… How about spending two hours just SEARCHING for where you left your SMARTPHONE??

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Mayor Eric Adams said that New York City has a “brand” that a place like Kansas doesn’t have.

- It’s true! In Kansas, if you click your heels together three times, all you do is go home! In New York, if you click your heels together three times, you can commit a violent felony, get arrested, and be back out on the street committing a “smash and grab” by dinnertime! Start spreadin’ the news!!!

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Hefty has announced it will roll out pumpkin spice-scented garbage bags beginning tomorrow, September 30th.

- It’s a great way to share the excitement of Fall with the Raccoons in your neighborhood or Garage who may not be Pumpkin Spice Coffee Drinkers.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

All eyes are on Florida today as Ian makes landfall as a Category 4-bordering-on-5 Hurricane. I know we get a lot of comments on the blog from people in the affected areas of the country… So If you’re reading the blog down there… our thoughts and Prayers are with you!! Stay Safe!!!

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Russian State Media is reporting that residents of occupied Ukrainian territories voted overwhelmingly to be annexed by Russia… but failed to mention that the people had been marched to the ballot box at gunpoint.

- Well that's one way to "Get Out the Vote".

- That's the difference between Russia and the US. In Russia they threaten to kill people if they don't vote the "right way". In the US... we let Dead people vote!

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Over fifteen-hundred Virginia residents were left without power due to a rat “that infiltrated a piece of equipment" causing the power grid to go down.

- Okay… I looked it up. There are currently 2 MILLION rats living in New York City. Meanwhile, 1.4 MILLION households in NYC have cars. That’s almost 2 rats per car. Now imagine that everyone buys an electric car. Now one of those cars leaves Poughkeepsie at 5am goin 60 mph with a rat in the trunk. Another car leaves the train station in Scranton at 7:30 with no rats… but a wheel of cheese… This reminds me of a math question in high school. I couldn’t answer it then… I can’t answer it now. RATS!!

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Newly released footage shows dozens of people entering a Wawa convenience store in Philadelphia, ransacking the aisles, stealing everything in sight and even twerking on the counter… a brazen attack that led to exactly ZERO ARRESTS.

- What’s happened to Philadelphia?? We used to think of it as the home of the Liberty Bell and it’s famous Crack. Now it it seems like a lot of people who live there are ON Crack.

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A semi filled with adult "Pleasure" toys overturned on a highway in Oklahoma earlier this week, spilling the goodies onto the roadway bringing traffic to a standstill.

- But thanks to clean up crews, motorists were buzzing along in no time.

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When asked which of the five senses are the most important to them, 77% of Americans picked “Sight” as #1.

- Boy I didn’t see that one coming.

- With the bizarre way things are in this country these days… I would have picked “Common Sense” as the most important!!!

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An Australian man said he almost had a heart attack when he reached for some TP and his hand almost landed on a giant spider that was sitting on the toilet paper roll.

- It could have been worse... I mean "The Itsy Bits Spider... Went Up the Water Spout..."

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

President Biden has postponed his scheduled trip to Florida due to Hurricane Ian.

- Meanwhile Kamala Harris has postponed going to the Southern Border because… she doesn't feel like going.

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NASA has successfully crashed a small spacecraft into a football- stadium sized asteroid in humanity’s first test of planetary defense. The hope is that the technology could be used to break up asteroids headed for earth in the future.

- The Dinosaurs were like, "You couldn't have come up with this a couple of million years ago??"

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Bus drivers in Beijing will now have to wear a Government-issued device that will track their emotions, blood pressure, exercise and sleep.

- Sounds like Apple just found a new customer.

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According to a new poll, 50% of Americans believe they’ll be leaving their current job within the next year.

- And the ones who work in Congress... may be leaving as soon as November 8th.

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“Here You Come Again”… A Musical About the life of Dolly Parton debuted in Delaware last weekend.

Speaking of that… NBC announced the Golden Globes are coming back to Television in 2023!

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Dr. Albert Bourla - the 4-time-vaccinated head of Pfizer - announced that he has tested POSITIVE for COVID for the second time in a MONTH.

- I guess he needs one more shot. You know what they say... Fifth times the charm!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick