Happy Memorial Day! Although many things have changed over the last few months, one thing remains the same: Our gratitude to the brave men and women who made the Ultimate Sacrifice so that we can continue to live in Freedom.

Back when I had my radio show, I recited the following poem every Memorial Day Weekend in honor and in memory of those who gave Everything they had… so that we can have Everything.

The poem, “The Inscription”, was sent to us by a listener, Paul Reside.  

Paul’s Grandmother, Annabelle Gunnett Jones wrote it around 1932.  The poem had been printed in the Perry County, Ohio newspaper for a number of years on “Decoration Day”, or as we know it today - “Memorial Day”. Annabelle was inspired to write the poem by her husband, a WWI Veteran, as a tribute to the Unknown Soldier.

As you enjoy this very unique Memorial Day, I encourage you to take a moment to share “The Inscription” with your family and friends... especially your children. (While properly Socially-Distancing of course). Let it serve as a reminder to us all of the gratitude owed the brave men and women of our Armed Forces who have laid down their lives so that we may live ours.  

Just click on the link below to hear me reading the words written more than 80 years ago - that still resonate today.   

https://static.squarespace.com/static/522b7b7ee4b00c944324f02a/5244b361e4b004a32db3bdce/5244b370e4b004a32db3e949/1306715173009/The%20Inscription.mp3

Have a Safe and Healthy Holiday and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

A British study found that dogs go through puberty at the age of eight months.

- And they call it Puppy Love.

*****

Joe Biden has finally come up with a nickname for Prez Trump… “President Tweety”.

- I guess that’s Joe’s way of giving Trump the Bird.

*****

A new survey found that 30% of Americans have been using their Retirement Savings during the Coronavirus lockdown.

- Wow. I guess the toilet paper shortage is worse than I thought.

*****

Shakespeare’s Globe Theater in London may be closed after it was bankrupted by Coronavirus lockdowns.

- Theater fans are upset, but I think they’re making Much Ado About Nothing.

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Adele has reportedly become good friends with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle after the couple moved into her Beverly Hills neighborhood.

- Apparently the only people Meghan Markle has been “Socially Distancing” from is Harry’s family.

*****

A South Korean Soccer Team filled their stadium with sex dolls to create the look of a crowd during Sunday’s game.

- Observers said they were the best looking fans in the history of Soccer.

- The players were really excited until they remembered they weren’t allowed to use their hands.

*****

Research suggests that a strategy of being on strict lockdown for 50 days, followed by 30 days of more relaxed social distancing could reduce the number of people getting Coronavirus.

- Seriously?? I haven’t been this confused since Bruce Jenner threw himself a Mother’s Day Brunch.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

The hackers who stole private documents from a NYC law firm have shifted their ransom claims from Prez Trump to Madonna.

- Trump and Madonna actually have a lot in common. They’ve both been exposed to a Virus.

*****

A long standing tradition is about to be broken… For decades, the last President returns to the White House to see his portrait unveiled by the new Prez, but this year neither Barack Obama nor Donald Trump want to do it.

- Instead, Trump will unveil a portrait of Jimmy Carter’s brother Billy playing poker with a bunch of dogs.

*****

You already have to wear a mask on airline flights… Now one carrier in Europe is requiring passengers to raise their hands if they want to go to the bathroom.

- This takes me back to my elementary school days when you raised your hand to let the teacher know you “had to go”. It always worked… Except for that one time with Eddie Chamberlain. “Pour” Eddie.

*****

Virginia Police arrested a man who wore a hollowed out Watermelon over his head while he stole liquor from a convenience store.

- He told the cops his wife was responsible because she put it on his “Honeydew List”.

*****

North Korea’s state run media says Kim Jong-un has been working so hard that he doesn’t even take time to sleep.

- Or go to the hair dresser… Or go on a diet… Or join a gym…

*****

The NFL is testing face masks made with surgical material that could help fight off the Coronavirus.

- In a related story, the Lions are testing a mask that will help them fight off losing in the 4th Quarter.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

According to research out of McMasters University, two helpings of full fat dairy products like whole milk and cheese may lower the risk of diabetes, high blood pressure and obesity.

- And if you follow that diet you’ll be the healthiest one in the Heart Attack Unit.

*****

It’s National Dinosaur Day!

- To celebrate, Larry King will record another TV informercial explaining how he keeps his Prostate so Happy and Healthy!

*****

People on Dating Apps are posting that they’ve tested negative for COVID-19 as a way to lure prospective dates.

- Nothing says romance like a swab shoved up your nose.

- We’ve gone from “What’s your Sign?” to “Have you got Antibodies?”

*****

Ever wonder why it’s called “COVID-19”?

- Because that’s how many pound you’ll put on by the time the Quarantine’s over.

*****

Apple is opening 25 more U.S. Stores this week, as the company continues to gradually ease out of Coronavirus lockdowns.

- Restaurants may still be closed, but at least you’ll be able to pick somebody up at the Genius Bar.

*****

The New York City Parks Department won’t let Porn star Ron Jeremy keep a tree that’s stood outside his childhood home his whole life… and will cut it down as planned.

- It’s just as well. At this point Ron’s tree is pretty wilted.

- Oh well… What goes Up must come Down!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

On this day in 1912 the Philadelphia A’s beat the Tigers 24-2 who used amatuers in protest of Ty Cobb’s suspension. And on this day in 1968 Al Kaline hit is 307th Home Run surpassing Hank Greenberg.

Speaking of Tigers, Fred Willard has died at the age of 86. I say that because the last time I had the pleasure of seeing Fred - it involved the Tigers. He was in town shooting a movie and after interviewing him on the air, he asked us if we wanted to go to the Tiger game with him that evening. Needless to say… that night Big Al, Jackie, my wife Gail and I went and had a great time. I even ate a REAL Hot Dog!!

Fred was a brilliant comedic actor - and if you don’t believe me - just go back and watch his appearances as Martin Mull’s sidekick on “Fernwood Tonight”, and in two of my all time favorite Christopher Guest movies, “Waiting for Guffman” and “Best in Show”.

Fred was also a great guy. When he heard we were doing one of my “Comedy Nights Out” for Charity - he called and asked if he could be added to the line-up. Of course we did - and he was, as always, beyond funny.

RIP

*****

Walmart is selling a new line of nail polishes that look - and SMELL - like snack foods including Donuts, Cheese Puffs and Tacos.

- Great. Just went I was getting good at NOT biting my nails.

*****

A study by RX Bar finds the average person forgets what day it is five times per week.

- How’s that for good news on a Thursday morning??

*****

A UK nudist organization has reported a 100% increase in new members amid the coronavirus pandemic as isolationists increasingly become comfortable with letting it all hang out during lockdown.

- This is great news. Unless you happen to live next door to Michael Moore.

*****

Doctors say that “Tele-Medicine” - where you have an appointment with your Doc over the internet - will probably continue even after the pandemic is over.

- I’m glad I’m not a woman. I can barely answer my emails let alone figure out how to attach stirrups to my computer when it’s time for an appointment with the Gynecologist.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Due to financial hardships caused by the Pandemic, some Democrat lawmakers have proposed that the Government should buy ALL property and give tenants 10 years to pay their rent - interest free. And if they can’t pay at all, that’s okay too.

- This program is commonly known as… “Communism”.

*****

Jane Fonda is the new spokesperson for “Uncle Bud’s” Hemp-based CBD hand sanitizer.

- The label says it will “Kill Bacteria that get on your hands from things like Cell Phones, Door Handles, and Viet Cong Anti-Aircraft Guns”.

*****

A survey by the University of Florence in Italy found that 81% of couples do not intend to conceive a baby during the Coronavirus lockdowns.

- But they say they’re willing to keep trying.

*****

Kamala Harris has emerged as the favorite to be Joe Biden’s VP.

- Meanwhile, Elizabeth “Pocahontas” Warren is still favored to be his TeePee.

*****

Arkansas hosted the first “Socially Distanced Country Concert” last weekend, with people required to sit at least 6 feet apart”, had their temperatures taken, and wore masks at all times to avoid the Virus.

- Remember the good old days when the only things you could catch on the hill at Pine Knob were a Frisbee and a buzz from the smell of Pot??

*****

A Louisiana Cop was arrested for coercing a woman into having sex with him to get out of a speeding ticket.

- 2 minutes later, the woman made a “Citizen’s Arrest” - claiming the Cop should have gotten the ticket for going faster than she did.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Governor Whitmer says that we should not expect to see full-capacity Stadiums this fall because of the Virus.

- Well it’s good to see SOMETHING’s getting back to normal. We’re certainly used to the Lions NOT playing up to their full capacity.

*****

Rosie O’Donell says she’s going stir-crazy in Quarantine and has eaten about 20 boxes of Pop Tarts since the Lockdown started and posted the picture below.

- Dontcha just hate those people who can binge on junk food and still look GREAT???

*****

Police in West Bloomfield found a horse standing in the middle of Middlebelt Road near Maple Road early this morning.

- So we finally know why the Chicken crossed the road… Because he was Smarter than the Horse.

*****

Dennis Rodman says that the first time he was invited to North Korea, Kim Jong Un said, “We asked Michael Jordan to come but he wouldn’t come so we asked you.”

- Kim may have a bad haircut… but he’s one smooth operator!

*****

Despite almost daily technical glitches and mis-speaks, Joe Biden’s campaign says he’ll - indefinitely - continue campaigning from his Basement. (True!)

- This is exactly the “arrangement” our family had with my Ex-Brother-in-Law Joe. We wouldn’t let him out of the basement either.

*****

Astrologers around the globe are saying that they knew the Pandemic was coming as early as January.

- Well then WHY DIDN’T THEY SAY SOMETHING???

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

A US District Judge has ruled that Strip Clubs - including “Little Darlings” in Flint - are entitled to money under the “Small Business” bailout.

- I wouldn’t exactly call 36 Double D’s “Small Business”.

*****

RIP… Jerry Stiller of “Stiller & Meara” and later, Frank Costanza, George’s father on “Seinfeld” has died at the age of 92. He finally got his wish. Serenity Now! Sererity Now!

*****

It’s National Limerick Day!

There once was a sweet girl named Iris

Who was dating a fellow named Cyrus,

Though he thought she was HOT,

“Canoodle” they could not…

Except on Zoom - because of the Virus!

*****

To promote her new album “Chromatica”… Lady Gaga is selling hot pink Jock Straps and Thongs over the internet.

- With all the songs I played on the air over the years, I always considered myself a bit of a Thong and Dance man.

*****

Singer Adele posted a pic of herself showing off an incredible 40 pound weight loss.

- To celebrate, she’s releasing a “Trimmed down” version of her hit “Hello”. It’s called “Hi”.

*****

53 year old Mike Tyson reportedly called 57 year old Evander Holyfield to discuss the possibility of the two of them Boxing again to raise money for Charity.

- Evander said Mike kept him on the phone for two hours adding, “That guy can really chew your ear off”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Residents of Thailand are so obsessed with their pets that they rushed out to Pet Salons as soon as the city’s lockdown eased… and Dogs were seen wearing nail polish and dresses.

- I’m betting the first dogs to get their hair done were the Gray Hounds.

*****

Cops pulled over a 19 year old man on an Ontario Freeway who taking his Dad’s car on a Joyride… going 191 MILES PER HOUR.

- You gotta admire the Mountie… and the HORSE… who caught up with him.

*****

The late Dean Martin's daughter says her Dad will appear “In Concert” as a Hologram in Las Vegas starting in 2021.

- Dean agreed to do it to pay off his Bar bills.

*****

Officials in Israel floated the idea of implanting Microchips in more than one MILLION school children to monitor their “social distancing”.

- A lot of you will remember the good old days when instead of a Microchip, the Nuns were on hand at the school dances telling everyone to “Leave Room for Jesus!”

*****

The scientist who made dire Virus predictions prompted Boris Johnson to lock down Britain resigned Tuesday after being criticized for breaking his own calls for social distancing so he could rendevous with his married lover.

- Thus the expression, “Do As I Say… Not WHO I Do”. 

*****

With the Southern Border closed during the Pandemic, some Mexicans are joining Canadians who are trying to enter the US through Canada.

- The Border Guards can tell ‘em apart because all the Mexicans are wearing Soccer jerseys and the Canadians are wearing Hockey jerseys.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

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More and more celebs are passing the hours in lockdown using “Butt Masks” which are supposed to “rejuvenate the skin on your buttocks and reduce Buttne (acne)”.

- You mean I’ve had “Buttne” all these years and didn’t know about it???

- Kim Kardashian ordered two cases on Amazon. That’s one case for each cheek.

*****

Frontier Airlines has reversed it’s decision to charge people $39 to keep the middle seat on their flights empty saying they “never intended to profit over safety concerns”.

- And to prove it, they also discontinued their $49 “We Guarantee You’ll Have a Pilot Flying the Plane” fee.

*****

During yesterday’s Supreme Court hearings - which are being held over the phone due to the Pandemic - an “unidentified person” took a break, and then a loud toilet flush was overheard by everyone on the phone… and the public listening online.

- I’ll bet the perpetrator is wishing Justice was not only Blind… but Deaf too.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Elon Musk has explained why he named his new son “X AE A-12”… tweeting: “X, the unknown variable, AE, my Elven spelling of Ai (love &/or Artificial intelligence), A-12 = precursor to SR-17 (my favorite aircraft) and A is “Archangel” (girlfriends favorite song).”

- That’s exactly what I thought!

*****

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle celebrated their son Archie's first birthday by posting a video of Meghan reading the children's book "Duck! Rabbit!”

- I thought Meghan would have chosen “Curious George Screws The Royal Family”.

*****

The lockdown has cancelled the annual week-long “World Naked Bike Ride” but the Portland, Oregon chapter is encouraging riders to strip down and take a spin on “World Naked Bike Ride DAY” on June 27th.

- How about just calling it the “Schwinn SCHWING!”

- I’m thinking they may end up with more than playing cards caught in the spokes.

*****

Some out-of-work chefs from NYC’s top restaurants are taking new jobs as a “Personal Chef” for BILLIONAIRES during the lockdown.

- I hear Amazon’s Jeff Bezos prefers PRIME Rib.

- Obviously the Billionaires haven’t “Mastered the Microwave” like I have. I don’t want to brag… but I can reheat a half a chicken sandwich in under 10 seconds!

*****

Disney said their profits are down 91 PERCENT from last year because of Park closures due to the Pandemic.

- It’s so bad that all Seven of the Dwarves are now Grumpy.

*****

Barack Obama will deliver a commencement address to all the graduating classes of 2020 in a YouTube special.

- The speech is titled “If You Like Your Diploma… You Can Keep Your Diploma”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

It’s Cinco de Mayo!!! Since we’re all locked inside, this year Cinco de Mayo is gonna be pretty much like Cuatro de Mayo and Seis de Mayo. If you speak Spanish, great. If not… forget about it.

*****

Some out-of-work chefs from NYC’s top restaurants are taking new jobs as a “Personal Chef” for BILLIONAIRES during the lockdown.

- I hear Amazon’s Jeff Bezos prefers PRIME Rib.

- Obviously the Billionaires haven’t “Mastered the Microwave” like I have. I don’t want to brag… but I can reheat some Chicken McNuggets in under 10 seconds!

*****

With the Food Supply Chain partially broken, Costco is the latest retailer to limit the purchase of Beef, Chicken and Pork to three items per member.

- But we can still buy a Palette of Pork RINDS right?

- Hey… Why don’t we all head over to Arby’s because they claim “We Have the Meat!”

*****

A 5-year-old boy who was pulled over driving his parents’ car on a freeway in Utah — told police he left home after arguing with his Mom because she wouldn’t let him buy a Lamborghini.

- This kid is way ahead of me. When I was 5, if I heard the word “Lamborghini” I would have thought we were having some new kind of spaghetti for dinner.

*****

Tom Cruise is reportedly working with NASA and Elon Musk's SpaceX to develop a film shot in Outer Space.

- It will be Tom’s first trip to outer space since he jumped up and down on Oprah’s Couch.

*****

A Russian Government official say a Doctor who complained about being forced to work after testing positive for COVID-19 “Fell out of a Hospital window”… the third Doctor to “ACCIDENTALLY FALL” in the last week.

- Hmmm. Sounds like more Bull… Winkle from the Russians.

*****

48 year old Tesla head Elon Musk and his 32 year old girlfriend welcomed a baby boy over the weekend. His name? “X AE A-12 Musk”.

- They were going to name his “Bob” but they didn’t want him to get teased by the other Celebrity kids.

- Just wait til he’s a teenager. “X AE A-12 MUSK! Just wait til your father gets home!”

- If it had been a girl, they we’re gonna go with Musk, Rat-Susie.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back Wednesday!

-Dick

Six weeks into the “Stay Home” order and things are getting desperate. How desperate? My daughter Jackie sent me this pic this morning…

*****

Michigan State Police ticketed a driver going 180 mph on I-75 in Monroe County… That’s 110 mph over the speed limit.

- He could have avoided the ticket if he’s just told the Cops he was trying to follow the Governor’s order by maintaining "Proper Social Distancing” from the car behind him.

*****

Why did the Dog buy a SmartPhone?

- So he could take Self-Fleas.

*****

Experts predict the Pandemic will change Hotel Stays forever… including the end of the “Mini-Bar”.

- So… It’s safe to sleep on sheets that hundreds - maybe thousands - of people have used but it’s too dangerous to touch the handle of the miniature refrigerator??

- What if we use one of the miniature bottles of vodka to sanitize our hands before we drink all the rest of them??

*****

The Michigan Department of Health and Human Services has introduced a new “Condom Delivery Service” during the COVID-19 outbreak. Just email them and they’ll mail you protection.

- It’s good to know that the government - during these tough times - is there for us when the Rubber meets the Road.

*****

An Iranian man calling himself an Islamic prophetic medicine healer has prescribed drinking camel urine to prevent and cure COVID-19… adding that it must be “fresh and warm” to be effective.

- Feel free to add lemon or some sugar. Whatever you like. One hump or two.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Dentists in France are posting naked pics of themselves online to highlight the need for protective gear.

- Let’s hope the Procotogists don’t get wind of this.

*****

A group of sheep was spotted lined up outside a McDonald’s in Australia that has closed due to COVID-19.

- Usually when Sheep are in the mood for McNuggets they just head on over to the Rooster’s house.

*****

Harrison Ford is under investigation after he “misheard” a traffic control tower instruction and flew his private plane too close to a busy runway.

- Harrison’s 77… I’m thinking maybe “Hans Solo” shouldn’t “Fly Solo” anymore.

*****

Drug manufacturer Pfizer - the makers of Viagra -say they could have a COVID-19 Vaccine ready this Fall.

- It’s good to hear that the company that makes Viagra thinks it’ll have the country Up and Running in no time.

*****

Undercover cops arrested two women in Laredo, Texas, for violating the city's COVID-19 shutdown order by running an undercover hair salon in their home. They face 180 days in jail and a $1000 fine.

- There’s more to the story… but those are the highlights.

*****

Why did the Chicken cross the road?

- Because there was no chance of getting hit by a car because everybody was stuck at home. 

*****

Pandemic Pastime of the Day…

Now that everyone on TV is broadcasting and/or being interviewed from their homes, I find myself getting distracted trying to read the titles of the books on the bookshelves behind them. You too??

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Jet Blue has become the first major airline to require passengers to wear facemarks.

- Isn’t that going to make it hard to eat the in-flight meal? Excuse me… I mean the bag of peanuts. Two if you ask REALLY nicely.

*****

According to a Scientific paper, Sharks are “prolific poopers”.

- So THAT’s whose been buying up all the Toilet Paper at Kroger.

*****

Facebook will celebrate America’s graduating Seniors with a live-streaming event on May 15th including a Commencement Address by Oprah Winfrey.

- These kids may not get to walk across the stage… but on a bright note, they’re all getting A NEW CAR!!!!!!

*****

A man in Tennessee who was arrested over the weekend for entering a home wearing a gorilla costume. He told police he’d “entered the wrong house”.

- Somewhere, there’s a woman with a Gorilla fetish and a banana still waiting for her date to show up.

*****

70 year old Richard Gere and his 37 year old girlfriend are the proud parents of a bouncing baby boy.

- Doctors say it’s the first time in history the Mom’s water broke and the Dad broke his hip on the same day.

*****

Experts say one of the best ways to keep from going stir crazy during quarantine is to maintain your normal routine.

- Unless of course your “normal routine” includes leaving the house.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

To give you something to do during the Pandemic… Kodak is selling the World’s Largest Jigsaw Puzzle… with 27 different scenes and 51,300 pieces.

- Well that sounds easily Doable….. If they extend the quarantine for another 15 years.

*****

Meryl Streep wore a bathrobe and drank a martini as she sang a 90th Birthday tribute to composer Steven Sondheim live on TV Sunday night.

- Meryl’s amazing! She slurred her words in 7 different accents!

*****

Quebec Court of Appeal has ruled that A $500,000 debt incurred from three games of “Rock Paper Scissors” is invalid.

- The judges made the decision with a best 2 out of 3 round of Thumb Wrestling.

*****

Nancy Pelosi endorsed Joe Biden for president this morning saying “He’ll make an extraordinary President” because “He never forgets his roots”. 

- He may forget plenty other stuff, but he’s at least he’s got the “roots” thing going for him. 

*****

A man in northern Spain was busted for trying to take advantage of a rule allowing people to leave their homes so their pets could relieve themselves - when he took his pet fish for a walk in its bowl. (True!)

- On a bright note, he didn’t have to use a Pooper-Scooper.

*****

Scientists have discovered a piece of Amber containing a Daddy Long Legs who’s, um, “Nineth Leg” was extended.

- Well, yeah. That’s how he became a Daddy.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Reseachers at a hospital in the Bronx, say men are more adversely affected by the Coronavirus because it hangs out in their… um… “fellas”. 

- The new discovery is known as CAJONE-19. 

*****

Disney may not reopen it’s theme parks until 2021 because “Social Distancing” might be safe - but fewer people in the parks wouldn’t be profitable.

- There will be Preventative measures… Snow White will make Sneezy sleep on the couch and there will be a strict “One Person Per Boat” limit in the “Tunnel of Love”.

*****

A British survey found that 22% of men and 31% of women are finding their partner irritating during isolation… and 12% people stuck indoors with their partner were “re-evaluating” their future together.

- But enough about Bill and Hillary.

*****

A company in Italy has installed a “Traffic Light System” to let workers know when they can and can’t use the bathroom.

- Red means it’s occupied… and Green means you’re good to go.

- The light turns Yellow every time a guy walks out carrying a newspaper.

*****

Connecticut is using high tech drones to monitor people’s temps, detect sneezes and coughs, and monitor social-distancing from the sky.

-This is the most historic “Big Brother” to be in the sky since Orville watched Wilbur take a spin over Kitty Hawk.

*****

To lighten the mood, a farm in Charlotte, NC is renting out “Mambo” - an 8-year-old miniature donkey - to appear in conference calls while people work from home.

- When I was in radio, we used to have a Jack Ass visit our meetings all the time. But instead of “Mambo” we called him “The Program Director”.

*****

Dennis Rodman said that he hopes the unconfirmed report that North Korea’s “Supreme Leader” Kim Jong Un is in grave danger after undergoing heart surgery is 'just a rumor'.

- But just in case… Dennis says he’s already picked out a Dress for the funeral.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

As I mentioned on yesterdays blog, Detroit Radio lost one of it’s greats over the weekend. Robin Seymour - legendary host of WKNR’s “Bobbin’ With Robin” in the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s died at the age of 94. Robin was a great talent and a great guy. When his memoir came out last year, Robin - who lived in California for years - and then years in Texas with his family - called and asked me to write the introduction. I was honored… and a bit surprised! Let me explain… During the years we worked together on Keener, I used to refer to the alley way behind the station as the “Robin Seymour Memorial Freeway”. He never commented on that… but me being me, I assumed he didn’t like it… But of course, kept doing it anyway! When Robin asked me to write the forward for his book - all those years later - I realized… I guess he did!

Robin was a legend - summed up in the book’s title - “The DJ Who Launched a Thousand Hits”. He was part of Top 40 Radio before the term “Top 40” was invented. He was also a giant in music television - hosting the wildly popular dance shows “Teen Time” and “Swingin’ Time” on Channel 9.

Robin will be missed… and hopefully - and deservedly - will be inducted in the National Radio Hall of Fame next year.

*****

A group of sheep was spotted lined up outside a McDonald’s in Australia that has closed due to COVID-19.

- Usually when Sheep are in the mood for Chicken McNuggets they just head over to the hen house.

*****

A popular “Adult” website says it’s seen a 22% surge in traffic since checks to help during the Pandemic started arriving from the Government.

- They don’t call ‘em “Stimulus Checks” for nothin.

*****

From “The More Things Change The More They Stay The Same Department”…

A woman in NY went to Costco and was told her card needed updating. She was inside a cover-up hat, scarf enveloping her chin, high-neck sweater, dark glasses, no makeup and a mask.

They still took her picture.

*****

If you’re looking for something to do during Quarantine… Wash your sheets! An infectious disease doctor says we have tiny mites all over our bodies that feed off dead skin and then “Poop” it all over our sheets.

- Sweet dreams everyone!!

*****

According to a new survey, 50% of families in Lockdown are spending their time playing board games like Monopoly.

- Speaking of “Community Chest”… I wonder how Madonna’s holding up.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

An 18-year-old man was arrested yesterday for trespassing after he broke into Disney World in California which is closed due to the Coronavirus.

- He’s already been tried, convicted, and served his sentence because he had a Fast Pass.

*****

A California woman found a duck egg at a park, hid it in her bra for 35 days and - Voila! - A baby duck hatched.

- Dolly Parton tried this once… but the after it hatched, the duck quacked… “Help… I can’t breathe!”.

*****

Instead of sending them to jail, officials in Indonesia are sentencing people who violate the nations Pandemic Lockdown Order to spend two weeks in a haunted house.

- If they really want to punish people they should sentence them to two weeks at Joy Behar’s house.

*****

Caitlyn Jenner took to instagram to post a video of herself vacuuming her Malibu mansion during Lockdown.

- This is the biggest Eureka moment Caitlyn’s had since she decided she didn’t want to be Bruce anymore.

*****

An unconfirmed report claims North Korea’s Kim Jong Un is said to be in “Grave condition” following heart surgery and may be replaced by his sister.

- For those of you don’t know her… her name is Kim Jong Kim.

- And if you can’t tell her apart from her brother… she’s the better looking one.

*****

RIP… Robin Seymour, Detroit’s original Top 40 DJ who passed away over the weekend at the age of 94. More on Robin tomorrow.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Sales of sex toys have gone up 50% since the lockdown went into effect.

- At least that’s the buzz.

*****

Sites that stream Classical Music have seen a huge influx of subscribers during the Pandemic - as people tune in for the calming effect.

- It’s a great way to relax until things get Bach to normal.

*****

The Palm Beach County Water Utilities Department is begging residents NOT TO USE Baby Wipes after all four pumps at the wastewater pumping facility in Boca Raton ended up clogged at the same time.

- First no Hugs. Now no Huggies. Life just isn’t fair.

- On a bright note… if you’ve happen to have FOUR GIANT PLUNGERS laying around, you could make some serious cash.

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Lori Loughlin’s daughters moved out of the family home so they could spend Lockdown away from their Mom.

- Fortunately, Lori was able to pay $500,000 to two other girls to pretend to be her daughters and Quarantine with her.

- Lori spending Isolation just like the rest of us… Cleaning out closets and taking pictures of herself on a rowing machine.

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85 year old Shirley MacLaine says she’s spending Lockdown exploring the beginning of Mankind. “I’m here at this time learning how all this started and going into my own interior. It’s my metaphysical language. Totally isolated here, you find your survival, your spiritual meaning”.

- And then she made a grilled cheese sandwich for her lunch with Cleopatra.

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Saw this Julie Andrews/Sound of Music Covid-19 video on YouTube. Thought you might be interested in checking it out and even singing along! Enjoy with some tea with jam and bread! Just click on the link!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick