Tonights’ the night! The 66th Ford Fireworks are tonight… Monday, June 24! The display starts around 10 p.m with FREE Viewing locations at Hart Plaza, Belle Isle Park and Spirit Plaza! If you can’t attend in person… the event will be broadcast LIVE on WDIV Channel 4.

And if you miss tonight’s display… They’ll be an even BIGGER Fireworks show THIS THURSDAY officially known as: “The Presidential Debate”.

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Are you going to watch the debate? Why or why not? I’d love to hear your thoughts!!!

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Right now… Two NASA astronauts are literally stranded in space. They were supposed to return to earth on June 13th after docking with the International Space Station for 8 days, but the departure was postponed due to helium leaks and thruster problems on their Boeing Starliner Space Ship.

- Wait. Did they say the Space Ship was made by BOEING???

- They might get the Helium leak fixed, but if I was one of those astronauts… I’d hold onto the Door of the Space Capsule during re-entry pretty tightly!

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Six Climate Change protesters stormed the 18th green while Golfers were lining up their putts for the final hole at the PGA Tour's Travelers Championship Sunday, spraying smoke and powder and delaying the finish for about five minutes.

- Police quickly arrested the protesters while… in true Golf Form… the spectators Clapped. (softly)

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A new survey finds that 46% of American electric vehicle drivers are likely to switch back to a gas-powered car.

- Leo Di Caprio and Bill Gates were so furious when they heard, they both fueled up their private jets and are flying to Europe to have a private meeting about it even as we speak!

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Remember that study I told you about last week that found that 85% of Americans feel more than a decade older than their chronological age? Well it turns out… People feel 12 years older than they actually are for one simple reason: Joint Pain.

- But people aren’t handling the aches and pains like their Grandparents did. These days, more and more Americans are ditching the Ben Gay and treating their Joint Pain with… a Joint.

- Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

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Temperatures continued to sizzle across many regions in the U.S. this weekend, with an air quality health advisory issued for New York City.

- It’s so hot in NYC you can fry an egg on the sidewalk! Sure… It’ll have hints of dog poop and melted chewing gum in it… But you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow stopped by “The View” this week… and during the interview, Joy Behar said she’s worried that if he wins the White House, Trump will cancel both Maddow’s show and “The View”.

- If he promises to take “The View” off the air, I think even Biden might vote for Trump!!

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Police in Pennsylvania came upon a broken down school bus filled with straw, Chickens, a Bull and a Pony that they believe were being used for……………. “Romance”.

- Wait… Chickens???

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According to the FBI, Americans aged 60 and older lost more than $3-billion-dollars to phone scammers in 2023.

- Their advice to seniors: Stop answering the phone when your kids and/or grandkids call !!!

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TV therapists Dr. Phil and Dr. Drew think they know what may have led Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck to the brink of Divorce: They say J Lo is, “Addicted to Love”. The Doc Duo believe Jen - who has been Engaged 6 times and Married 4 times - has never taken time to figure out “what she really wants”.

- I’m thinking what she really wants is a lot of Bridal Showers.

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A new study has found that, on average, Americans over 45 feel 12 years older than their actual age.

- Which reminds me of the old Groucho Marx line… “You’re only as old as the Women you feel”.

- Wait… Are we still allowed to say that today?

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A student applying to college in Turkey was arrested after being caught using an Artificial Intelligence Powered System on his phone to get answers to the entrance exam - in REAL TIME - as he was taking the test.

- I don’t mean to brag… but I got into College the old fashioned way. I wrote the answers on the palm of my hand like everybody else!

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The company that makes Dramamine - the nausea relief medicine - has produced a 13 minute documentary on the “History of Barf Bags”.

- Critics call it the “Feel Sick Movie of the Year”

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Earlier today, Russian President Vladimir Putin and North Korean leader Kim Jong Un signed an agreement pledging “Mutual Aid” if either country faces “Aggression” from the West. It’s said to the be the strongest tie between the two countries since the Cold War.

- How cold was the Cold War you ask? It was so Cold… When Dennis Rodman went over to negotiate, he had to wear a cardigan over his strapless dress!

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According to the FCC… Not a single American has been hooked up to High Speed Internet despite the Biden Administration approving $42.5 BILLION for it back in 2021.

- Any chance it’s just a “Buffering” issue? You know… like a “Slow Connection”?

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Yesterday, the Buffalo Bills announced plans to financially support the city's upcoming National Gay Flag Football League chapter.

- Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

- In related news: The team will be holding try outs for Running Backs and Tight Ends this afternoon.

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Millions of people across the Midwest and Northeast are facing brutal heat this week… with some experts saying it’s actually unsafe to go outside in cities like Chicago and New York.

- Of course, that’s because of the muggings, shootings and carjackings. The heat is just an add-on.

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The Nashville Zoo announced it has become the first accredited facility in the United States to hatch Crocodile Tegu Lizards.

- What?? You mean I’ve been sitting on MY Crocodile Tegu Lizard Eggs for SIX WEEKS and those yahoos at the Nashville Zoo beat me to the punch??? I’ll get ‘em next year!!

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RIP… Willie Mays… One of the Greatest Baseball Players of all time… who died Tuesday at the age of 93.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Like many Dad’s… Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer posted a pic of himself Grilling Hot Dogs and Burgers on Social Media for Father’s Day… The only problem was… Chuck had put a slice of cheese on a completely RAW burger - something Grill Masters (Such as Yours Truly 🤣) know is a recipe for food poisoning. After taking a lot of heat, Chuck deleted the post.

- If only he’d put some heat on the burgers…

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A new report says that the iconic “Titanic” kissing scene between Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio was a nightmare to shoot due to lighting and makeup mishaps.

- So apparently when you hit an Iceberg, “The Heart Will GO On”… But the base make-up, lip gloss and mascara might not STAY on.

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Former New England Patriot’s Coach Bill Belichick who is 72 posted pics of himself on Instagram with his new girlfriend - a 24 year old former cheerleader.

- This is the most exciting romance to come out of Football since Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce. Although when Belichick’s girlfriend tells Bill to “Shake if Off”… she’s testing him for Parkinsons.

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Lina, a young Colombian woman involved in a polyamory relationship with SEVEN senior gentlemen, has been accused of taking advantage of the elderly men for financial gains.

- They’re even making a Disney movie about it called: “Lina The Young Colombian Woman and the Seven Old Men”… And their named Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, & Really Happy!

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Maine’s oldest lobster trapper, Virginia “Ginny” Oliver just turned 104-years-old and says she has no plans to leave her boat. She’s been catching lobsters for 94 years and says, “Lobsters are my life”.

- So much so, that when she dies, she’s requested that instead of being laid out in a casket… she wants to be presented on the half-shelf.

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In a new survey commissioned by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, 12% of Americans said they have been diagnosed with chronic insomnia.

- But of that 12%, 10% say they’re not gonna lose any sleep over the diagnosis.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Hope you had a terrific Father’s Day with the ones you love! I had a great day with my girls… Grilled Chicken, Salad, Peanut Butter Bars, Strawberry Rhubarb Pie and of course… Presents!

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Speaking of Presents… Father’s Day spending hit roughly $22.4 BILLION this year, the second highest ever… following last year’s record of $22.9 BILLION.

- Boy the gifts my girls got me were nice… but they weren’t $22.4 BILLION nice!

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CBS’s Gayle King says her BFF Oprah Winfrey is back home and resting comfortably after being hospitalized for a severe stomach virus. The hospital staff said Oprah was “Wonderful” and that once she was feeling better ran up and down the halls handing out gifts to the other patients.

- As Oprah used to say on her show… “A FREE Bed Pan for YOU! And YOU! And YOU!”

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A Chinese Zoo has given up on its plans to help an overweight leopard lose weight through dieting after two months of efforts yielded virtually no results.

So… they’re going to do what everybody else is doing and put the Leopard on “O-ZOO-pic”.

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Parents in New York City are having a meltdown over a local ice cream truck’s astronomical prices — including $14 for ice cream in a Waffle Cone.

It used to be “I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream For Ice Cream”. Now it’s just a bunch of people running around screaming.

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A new survey shows that 45% of parents are going into debt during a Disney vacation.

- It’s so expensive at Disney, that even Happy admitted to Snow White that he’s downright Grumpy.

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A new study warns that living to 90 almost guarantees you’ll suffer from hearing loss.

- Let’s not put the cart before the horse! I’ve got to get through my “Midlife Crisis” first. (Yeah, right…)

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RIP… A longtime friend of mine and my whole family’s… Gus Stavropoulos… passed away this weekend. Our thoughts and prayers are with his wife Maria and his children and grandchildren.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

THIS JUST IN… Hunter Biden has been found GUILTY on all 3 Counts in his Felony Gun Trial in Delaware…

- Hunter is said to be “disappointed” in the verdict. Word is he was really hoping for a “Hung Jury” so he could post a picture of it on his laptop.

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President Biden raised new alarm bells when he appeared to freeze for almost a minute during a Juneteenth Concert on the White House Lawn Last night. He appeared statue-like while VP Harris, her husband, and George Floyd’s brother danced on either side of him..

- Were Diana Ross and the Supremes there? Maybe he just took “Stop! In the Name of Love” a little too literally.

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Over 38 MILLION Americans suffer from Diabetes, and now a new study finds that exercising in the evening is the best way to lower blood sugar levels.

- I’d love to take advantage of this info and workout after dinner… but that’s usually when I’m busy eating “dessert”.

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A new study suggests that getting tattoos may significantly increase blood cancer risk.

- But on a bright note… each tattoo you get, exponentially increases your chances of working as a Barista at Starbucks!

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A camel landed on the hood of a car during an accident in India.

- Luckily were no injuries, but the Camel went ON and ON and On about it. What a Dromedary Queen!

- The driver of the car said the Camel left such a dent, he had to take his car to the Hump Shop.

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Hollywood is working on a new movie inspired by a real-life College professor turned cat burglar - that they say Blends “Academia with Criminality”.

- I believe the technical name for this is………… “Harvard”.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Defense Rests In Hunter Biden Gun Trial… Closing Arguments This Afternoon… Mostly Likely Goes to Jury Today…. Stay Tuned…

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A new report says Chicago’s mayor Brandon Johnson has spent $30,000 in campaign finance funds on personal grooming in the last year alone.

- For $30,000 a year… he should like Halle Barry.

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Dick Van Dyke has won a historic Daytime Emmy at age 98. The actor was honored Friday night as guest performer in a daytime drama series for his part as amnesiac, Timothy Robicheaux on NBC’s the “Days of Our Lives,” making him the oldest Daytime Emmy winner ever.

- Oh, Rob!!!!!!!!!

- My favorite part of this story is the character that he played! “Amnesiac Timothy Roicheaux”. It doesn’t get any more “Soap Opera” than that. Unless of course… he had an EVIL TWIN…

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Crews of firefighters and animal rescue teams came together in England to rescue two cows that wandered into a river and couldn't figure out how to get back out of the water.

- Well you know what they say about Cows… “You can lead them to water, but you can’t make them Think”

- EMS workers said the Cows swallowed a lot of water during the rescue, adding, “They were giving Whole Milk before they went in… now, it’s diluted to like 2%”

- Udderly amazing. . Very Mooooving Story. (I’ll stop now)

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Music Producer Nick Cannon, who has fathered 12 children with 6 different women, has taken out a $10 MILLION insurance policy on his testicles.

- Nick said he was going to go with State Farm but changed his mind because he knew his manhood would be in “Good hands with Allstate”.

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Police in New York are trying to find the owner Boa Constrictor found slithering around the halls of an Upper West Side apartment building. Cops describe the snake as “5 feet long, very aggressive and warn people to use caution when approaching it”.

- Oh… and they added that it answers to the name, “Robert De Niro”.

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- No official word on whether J Lo and Ben Affleck are headed for Divorce Court… but they have put their 43,000 square-foot house on the market. “Bennifer” bought the house a year ago for $61 MILLION…. which features 17 bedrooms and 30 bathrooms.

- How can they be getting divorced? Ben hasn’t even had time to leave the toilet seat up in all 30 of those bathrooms yet!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

80 years years ago today, June 6, 1944 the greatest seaborne military invasion of all time began with the landing of US, British, and Canadian troops on the beaches of Normandy, France. “D-Day” as it’s known, marked the beginning of the end of World War II.

With 131 US WWII vets dying everyday, the numbers of these brave men are dwindling. We’ll never forget them, nor the sacrifices they made during that bloody war. They have our eternal thanks and our Promise to remember - and pass on to our children, grandchildren and beyond - how they literally “Saved The World” with their sacrifices.

God Bless Them and God Bless America! 🇺🇸 

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A new survey now finds that more than 1 in 3 Americans think tipping culture has gotten "out of control".

- I always tip for good service. In fact, I even tipped MYSELF the other day for bagging my groceries at the self checkout at Kroger. I shouldn’t have though. I put the Milk right on top of the bread. Completely crushed it.

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An Algerian man was recently convicted for indecent behavior and sentenced to two months behind bars for hugging random people on the street to spread peace and positivity.

- Perhaps the way things are in this country these days…the “random people” thought they were being put in a chokehold instead of a hug??? I’m just guessin’ here…

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The Rock band Queen is reportedly in talks to sell it’s catalog to Sony Music for $1 BILLION, according to Bloomberg.

- When it comes to raking in the dough, They are the Champions, My Friend.

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Lady Gaga has shut down rumors that she’s expecting a Little-Lady-Gaga… saying that a pic of her posted to the internet last weekend that appeared to show her with a considerable baby bump really just showed some weight gain.

- Bottom line: Her tummy wasn’t wasn't the result of a “Bad Romance”... but was just Bloating from some bad Nachos.

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Kim Kardashian is still working towards becoming an attorney like her late father Robert Kardashian.

- Kim says she will “Fight tirelessly to get justice for the little guy… Just like my Dad did for O.J. Simpson!”

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Women’s tennis legend Billie Jean King says that Caitlin Clark is “the reason” for a rise in interest in the WNBA.

Remove back when Billie Jean King played her famous game against Bobby Riggs? When it was a big deal for a man to play against a woman? Now we've got men in dresses CLAIMING to be women… and taking their trophies!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Today is the “Festival of Popular Delusions Day”… So, depending on you political leanings… celebrate by turning on CNN, MSNBC, or Fox News!!!

To be honest… when I really want to get “Delusional” … I turn on “This Old House”.

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Crazy day in the Hunter Biden Felony Gun Charge Trial yesterday when his infamous laptop was admitted into evidence and “verified” as belonging to him. Remember… That’s after 51 current and former US Military and Intelligence Officers signed a now-debunked letter claiming the laptop had all the “hallmarks of Russian disinformation” just prior to the 2020 election.

- So the Laptop is REAL?? It’s almost like they intentionally didn’t want us to know this before the 2020 election… Hmmmm…

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A new study finds that “In-office mandates” are causing experienced staff to quit their jobs at companies that require them to work in the office.

- Translation: People don’t like wearing Pants.

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President Biden said he’s more physically able to do the job of the presidency than anyone, appearing to imply in a new on-the-tarmac interview that he could beat up reporters who asked about his “advanced age”.

- Oh sure… Joe may want you to get offa his lawn. But he’s gone whoop you real good before you go!

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Donald Trump’s felony conviction now means that he’s banned from entering almost 40 Countries around the world… including Canada and the United Kingdom.

- When the Royal Family heard, they were like… “Why didn’t we think of this?? We just get the Americans to convict Meghan of a FELONY and we never have to let her back into England again!!!”

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Cyndi Lauper was honored at the TCL Chinese Theatre in Hollywood yesterday… and even Cher was on hand to watch as Cyndi placed her hand and footprints in cement outside the theater.

- Cyndi is known for her hit “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”… Although at 70 and 78 respectively, Cyndi and Cher’s idea of “Fun” is putting on their Spanx without spraining anything.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Pepsi's reign as America's No 2 soda is over… According to new Data, for the first time ever, Dr. Pepper has replaced Pepsi as the second most popular soft drink in the country. The reigning #1 Champ? Coke.

- Heck… it’s so popular, they even serve it at the White House!

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Scientists have discovered that poor money management could signal Alzheimer’s disease.

- The Bad news is… It looks like Congress has got some real Memory Impairment Issues…

The Good News? Ukraine’s probably about to get another Big Check from Uncle Sam!!!

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A new study finds that chronically stressed Moms can help reverse the damaging metabolic effects of stress by engaging in regular sexual activity.

- Gosh… You don’t think their husbands had anything to do with funding this survey, do ya?

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A groundbreaking new study reveals that having kids may shorten a man’s life.

- Having had six of them myself… I don’t think this is true AT ALL. But it can sure FEEL like it sometimes… particularly during the TEENAGE years.

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Meanwhile, another new survey finds that 60% of Americans believe doing everyday chores such as yardwork, cleaning, and walking the dog can keep you fit.

- The one everyday chore that can actually help keep you fit that Americans DON’T believe will help? Working Out.

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An acoustic guitar played by John Lennon on one of the Beatles albums just sold at auction for $2.9 MILLION. The guitar was found in an attic in the UK after being 'lost' for over 50 years.

- Yoko Ono says if John were alive today he’d be glad the guitar was found but would be “unimpressed” by the money, saying… “Ob La Di, Ob La Da… Life Goes On”.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

As of this writing, the Jury in Trump’s Hush Money/Campaign Finance/Election Interference/Whatever-This-Case-Is-Specifically-About Trial is still Deliberating… It’s complicated and confusing. Even the commentators seemed a bit at a loss as to exactly what the main charges are. I don’t know whether to “Call Sam” or Geoffrey Feiger to help explain this to me!

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A former Fast Food CEO is predicting that more fast-food restaurants will close nationwide over higher prices. How high are they? McDonald's Big Mac cost $3.99 in 2019… and now that price has doubled to $8.29.

- What are they putting in the “Special Sauce”… Liquid Gold?

- It’s so bad last week the Hamburgler called 911 to say he’d been robbed at the Drive-thru.

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Lunden Roberts, the ex-stripper and mother of Hunter Biden's estranged daughter, Navy is writing a Tell-All book that’s set to hit bookstores in late August.

- It will the first book in history to be both a Pop-Up and available for purchase only in CASH… and only in SINGLES.

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South Korean officials are warning residents to stay indoors after North Korea dropped more than 150 balloons carrying Trash and Poop onto their South Korean Neighbor.

- Political experts say this is a new low… even for Kim Jong Ewwww.

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A new survey shows that 63% of Voters say “Reducing Crime” is a Top Priority for them when it comes to who they’ll vote for this November.

- And a full 100% say they just want to make sure their VOTE doesn’t get STOLEN.

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A man who allegedly ran naked down the aisle of a plane in the middle of a flight between two cities in Australia has been arrested.

- It’s unknown if his Tray Table was “In it’s full and upright position” at the time of the incident.

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A Georgia alligator was “arrested” and loaded into a police cruiser after it showed up in a resident’s driveway.

- Not surprisingly, the alligator tested positive for Croc Cocaine.

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Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg says Turbulence during Air Travel is up 15%... and it's do to... “Climate Change”.

- I'm shocked! I thought Turbulence was caused by "Misogyny and Colonialism" while "Climate Change" was directly responsible for my Lost Luggage.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

It’s International Hamburger Day! So if you've got something Well-Done (or even Medium-Well) between your buns... Show it off!

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Huge day in Trump’s alleged Hush Money Trial in NYC... with the Defense and Prosecution presenting their closing arguments. Outside the courtroom, Robert De Niro held a press conference on behalf of the Biden Administration where he talked about Trump trying to take over the world while a car alarm went off in the background and protestors tried to drown him out.

- Biden fans thought it was his best work since "The Godfather"... but Trump fans thought it was "Raging Bulls---"

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National Transportations Secretary Pete Buttigieg struggled for answers on "Face the Nation" when asked how it's possible that after 3 years and $7.5 BILLION... this administration has only built "6 or 7" Electric Vehicle charging stations.

- But each station has like TWO OUTLETS so there’s THAT!

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According to a new report, Red Lobster’s owner once said the business left such a “big scar” on him that he had to “stop eating lobster.”

- His wife says like the butter he used to dip his lobster in... he now looks "drawn".

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A new study finds that childless women enjoy far more physical activity than busy moms.

And 9 months after that “physical activity”… the childless women become “Moms”!

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A devoted Madonna fan paid tribute to her favorite artist by getting a record-breaking 18 tattoos of Madonna on her body. Tara Berry of Topeka, Kansas, earned the Guinness World Record for the most tattoos of the same musician on her body.

- But the record for most STD’s is still held by Madonna herself!

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RIP… Sam Butcher, the artist who created the Precious Moments figurines depicting angelic teardrop-eyed children, has died. He was 85. No cause of death was given.

RIP… Bill Walton, the legendary NBA player and sportscaster, died Monday of Cancer. He was 71.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

The White House made nine corrections to the transcript of President Biden’s speech in Detroit this past weekend… including when the President said he'd saved each American $800,000 last year.

- The White House corrected the record: The President SENT each UKRANIAN $800,000 last year.

- I'm glad they got that cleared up!

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In bombshell Congressional testimony Wednesday, a Senior Advisor to Dr. Fauci admitted to intentionally deleting emails and lying to Congress repeatedly about the true Origin and their handling of the pandemic.

- Kinda reminds of the old “Lone Ranger” show. Remember when they used to ask, "Who was that Masked Man?" Turns out... It was Dr. Fauci. And his assistant, “Tonto”!

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According to a new survey, 1 in 4 Americans think moving to a new house would be more stressful than having to land a plane in an emergency.

- Well, duh. When you move to a new house you have to open and close doors and stuff. On planes these days… the doors just open on the their own!

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A zoo in England is asking the public to keep an eye out for an escaped Tayra. A Tayra is described as short, with with beady eyes and salt and pepper hair.

- Huh. Kinda sounds like my Junior High Cafeteria Lunch Lady.

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Hugh Jackman is set to star in a new "Robin Hood" Movie. Producers say “The Death of Robin Hood” will follow an aging Robin Hood seeking forgiveness after years of crime and battle.

- Also in the new version... Maid Marian is actually a biological man… and Friar Tuck is the leader of a movement to "Defund the Sheriff of Nottingham".

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PGA Star Rory McIlroy and CBS Golf reporter Amanda Balionis are sparking romance rumors just over a week after news broke that he filed for divorce.

Of course they're just whispers at this point. Then again... everything in Golf is whispers.

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New studies find that biking over your lifetime helps prevent knee pain and may help you live longer.

- And if you put a Bell on the handlebars and baseball or playing cards in the spokes you'll look super cool too while you're out on your Paper Route!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Red Lobster abruptly shut down 50 locations nationwide after last summer’s “Endless Shrimp” promotion took a huge financial toll on the company.

- Customers of the chain are devastated… with one saying he, “Felt like I just took a kick to my Cheddar Bay Biscuits”.

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Secretary of State Anthony Blnken is taking heat for the Biden Administration’s decision to issue an official statement of condolence on the death of the President of Iran. The so-called “Butcher of Tehran” was killed in a Helicopter crash over the weekend and many in this country have taken offense to our country offering our condolences to a mass murderer.

- In his defense, Blinken said the State Dept. was doing some Spring Cleaning and were just trying to get rid of the the “Thinking of You” Notes they had left over from the ones they sent to the bin Laden family a few years back.

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Shocking new video captured the moment part of a Delta plane exploded and caught as it landed in Seattle on its way from Cancun, Mexico last week.

- Well, everyone on board having eaten Mexican food explains the EXPLOSION part… but investigators are still trying to figure out what caused the Fire.

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The Chairman of the Federal Insurance Deposit Corporation - the FDIC - says he’ll step down after reports surfaced of Senior Agents sending pics of their manhood to female employees.

- Well… I always wondered what they meant by, “Member FDIC.”

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Rapper Cardi B revealed during a recent interview that she doesn’t plan to endorse President Biden in the 2024 election.

- I appreciate her input… but I’m gonna hold off making my final decision on who to vote for unti my Favorite rappers Meghan Thee Stallion and Nicky Minaj weigh in on Economic policy.

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Serial Guinness World Record-breaker David Rush recaptured one of his former titles by snapping 110 pencils in one minute.

- “Pencil-Snapping” seems like one of those Rare Professions where you’re ultimate Goal is to earn the rank of “Number 2”.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

I heard about the “Northern Lights” coming out this past weekend and I thought how bout that… another new light beer. Then I saw these pics from Norway and around the world… Wow!

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The City of San Francisco is providing free beer and vodka shots to homeless alcoholics at taxpayer expense under a little-known pilot program that will cost tax payers $5 MILLION.

- So they’re not just “Lowering the Bar” in San Francisco... They’re actually making it an “Open Bar”!!

- If Karl Malden were alive today and knew this what was going on, on "The Streets of San Francisco" he's snub his nose at it... And that's a pretty big nose!

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A new survey finds that most borrowers delay major life events like getting married and buying a house... because of their Student Loan Debt.

- But the number one event they delay? Paying OFF their Student Loan Debt.

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A recent study finds that feelings of loneliness can cause an intense desire for sugary foods.

- That, according to researcher, Lorna Doone.

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A new report says that Kentucky Derby winner Mystik Dan will run in the Preakness, keeping his Triple Crown hopes alive.

- There are even rumors swirling, that if the Preakness goes well, the Dems may pull Biden out at the Convention and nominate Derby winner Mystic Dan to run as the their Nominee for President.

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A Wisconsin man had to have have 4 inches of his intestine surgically removed after he accidentally swallowed a wire grill brush while eating a steak.

- The doctor said swallowing a grill brush bristle is “Rare”… but that the surgery was “Well Done”. (Ba da Boom!)

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During the month of May, Camel riding is such a popular pastime in China’s Kumtag Desert that local authorities use Special Camel Traffic Lights to avoid traffic jams.

- It’s really hard to build up any momentum what with all the Speed Humps.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

After a crazy day of testimony Tuesday, Stormy Daniels is back on the stand for another round of questioning in the Trump hush money trial today.

- This is new territory for Stormy… She doesn’t usually get asked for a 2nd Date.

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In an effort to be "More inclusive"... The Boy Scouts of America is changing its name... and will now be known as "Scouting America"... and will welcome "All Young People in America".

- So listen up, Boys: Apparently "Be Prepared" now means... "Be Prepared to go Camping Girls... or at least Boys DRESSED UP like Girls".

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A new study found that when breastfeeding Moms used Cannabis, its psychoactive component THC showed up in their Breast Milk.

- Which explains why instead of "Ma Ma" and "Da Da" more and more babies first words these days are "Cheech" and "Chong".

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The season five trailer for the reality TV show “The Kardashians” was released Wednesday morning.

- Between the Botox, Silicone and Butt Implants... isn't it kind of an Oxymoron to call ANY series that features the Kardashians a "REALITY" Show??

*****

The man who ran on stage and tackled Dave Chappelle with a knife two years ago has SUED the Hollywood Bowl and its security team, alleging "negligent security and battery".

- So he's basically suing the Security Team for making it too easy for him to commit a crime??? Got it!

*****

RFK Jr. lit the internet on fire this week when he said that doctors told him they'd found a dead worm in his brain - that had eaten part of it before it died.

- Which makes him different than most politicians. At least he had a brain to start with.

*****

Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg has a new $300 MILLION Mega-Yacht. The world’s fourth richest Man - also owns a $70 MILLION private jet and a $5 MILLON Helicopter.

- And they were all paid for by the pictures of your Dogs, Cats, Kids and Casseroles we've posted over the years! Congratulations!!!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

During salacious and highly controversial testimony yesterday, Stormy Daniels claimed that during her "encounter" with Trump, he wore a t-shirt and boxer shorts and had Old Spice in his toiletry bag.

- Hold on a second... I don't think Stormy was with Trump. I think she actually was with MY FATHER!

*****

Tom Selleck is worried he will no longer be able to afford his plush 63-acre California ranch once “Blue Bloods” comes to an end this winter.

- I don’t know if Tom’s heard about it… but there’s this thing called a “Reverse Mortgage” where he could actually KEEP his ranch!!!

*****

A new study finds that major cities worldwide face a destructive invasion by Termites.

- They Woodn't dare!!!

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A new survey finds that high interest rates coupled with inflation - means most Americans no longer believe they can afford to buy a home.

- But, interestingly, it seems like an awful lot of College Students have the cash to spend on a brand new Tent!

*****

A faulty dishwasher forced the interruption of an Orchestra Concert in Hamburg, Germany.

- Luckily, there was minimal water damage to the Concert Hall… Mostly in the Bach.

*****

Norwegian Cruise Lines is teaming up with a Nudist-Based Travel Company to offer an 11-day Cruise in the Buff. The “Bare-A-dise Nude Cruise” sets sail from Miami in 2025 - with stops in the Caribbean.

- They say it’ll be just like their regular cruises… it’ll just be easier to spot the Lifeboats & Dingies on board.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Big Day in the Trump Trial today... Adult film star Stormy Daniels took the stand looking like, what one person in the courtroom described as, "looking like she just rolled out of bed".

- So... She went to court directly from work?

- Trump is hoping her testimony won’t be as Stormy as her name.

*****

Ready for this? A new survey out of the UK finds that a full 24% of Gen Zer's (those who turn 12 to 27 in 2024) HAVE NEVER ANSWERED THEIR PHONES. When asked what they do when it rings... they said they simply ignore it.

- Question: Then why do they all HAVE phones??? Don't they already have COMPUTERS? And they already don't have to answer them, right???

*****

A new report claims that Kentucky Derby winner Mystik Dan might be skipping the Preakness Stakes.

- What are the odds??

*****

South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem who was roasted for admitting she put down her families dog after it killed chickens on their farm - says she would also put down President Biden’s troubled dog Commander.

- She sounds like a no-nonsense gal. If I were President Biden... I wouldn't let her anywhere near Commander. Or Hunter for that matter.

****

Big traffic delays on a Wisconsin highway last week when an 18 wheeler overturned spilling beer onto the roadway. Police shared photos on social media showing the semi-truck on its side with cases of Miller High Life.

- If only the beer had been on tap instead of bottles... the police could have posted some "MUG Shots".

*****

Whoopi Goldberg admits in her upcoming memoir, “Bits and Pieces” that she once had a serious addiction to Cocaine... but says the only drug she messes with anymore is “Pot”.

- Seriously?? With some of the stuff she says, I'd swear she's smoking somethin' stronger than "Wacky Tabacky".

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Congratulations to “Mystik Dan” who won the Kentucky Derby on Saturday...

Seems like just yesterday I was playing his hits, "Do it Again", "Reelin' in the Years" and, of course "Rikki, Don't Lose that Number". No wait… I think that was “Steely Dan”. I never could get the artists straight.

*****

Juan Merchan - The Judge in Trump’s Hush Money Trial - just fined him another $1000 for violating the Gag Order in place against him (his 10th violation) and warned that any further violations will likely result in jail time.

- But I mean what are the chances the Don’s gonna do it again?? 🍿🍿🍿

*****

New York City Mayor Eric Adams plans to implement what critics claim is a “hidden tax” that would make water bills soar 8.5% for homeowners.

- On a bright note... With inflation so high, there are NO homeowners in NYC!

*****

Madonna raised eyebrows - AGAIN - by "simulating adult activity" on stage with a female back-up singer during a concert in Brazil. The concert was live-streamed to millions for FREE as a "Thank you" from Madonna... but many were upset with what one called the raunchy "Girl-on-Girl display".

- Well you know Madonna. She's always rubbing somebody the wrong way.

*****

According to a survey by the Pew Research Center, 78% of American adults say social media sites like Twitter and Instagram have too much influence on Politics.

- But the other 22% saw an Ad Facebook that assured them that’s not True.

*****

Four Zebras broke loose from the trailer they were being transported in on a highway near Seattle.

- I’m no conspiracy theorist… but something tells me this story isn’t as Black and White as it seems.

- Read between the lines…

*****

A Welsh lawmaker is trying to make it illegal for politicians to lie.

- So... All they have to do now is get all the Lawmakers to agree to Vote YES on Something that Makes it ILLEGAL for THEMSELVES to LIE???

- No problem!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

A new poll reveals that Seasonal Allergies have prevented 49% of respondents from spending time outdoors within the past year.

- Speaking of Seasonal Allergies… It’s May 1st! time to pull out all of my Pollen Decorations!!

- I don’t have the Best Allege Decorations in the neighborhood… but they’re nothing to Sneeze at, either!

*****

Beginning July 6th, all new cars and trucks sold within the European Union and Northern Ireland will be required to have technology to let drivers know they are speeding.

- That’s right, starting July 6th… Everybody gets a Wife!

*****

A new study claims that beverage giants Coke and Pepsi are driving the worldwide plastic crisis… with 8 MILLION TONS of Plastic ending up in the Oceans every year.

- And that’s just when Pam Anderson and Cher go swimming off the coast of Malibu.

*****

While celebrating 39 years of Sobriety, Alec Baldwin, admitted that he was addicted to cocaine and snorted the drug “all day long” for a two year stretch back in the 1980s. He said, “Cocaine was like coffee back then” joking that he’d snorted a line of coke “Long enough to stretch from the Earth to Saturn and back again”.

- Good thing Alec got over his drug habit. I heard doing Coke can really make you fly off the handle.

*****

Surprise! Early this morning, President Biden announced that he’s cancelling another $6 billion in student loans for 317,000 Americans… bringing total handouts to more than $160 billion. This batch of “Loan Forgiveness” goes to students who were “Scammed by Art Schools” into thinking their degrees would lead to high paying careers.

- Wait… So now we’re gonna pay back loans for people stupid enough to think a DEGREE IN ART HISTORY was going to be LUCRATIVE??

*****

Hunter Biden’s attorneys are threatening to sue Fox News over its usage of naked photos of him doing drugs with hookers from his infamous laptop - claiming the pics are “private”.

- Wait a minute! The pictures are PRIVATE?? I thought they were RUSSIAN DISINFORMATION?!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick