It’s America’s 248th birthday! And in all those years… through good times and bad… She Has Been - and Always Will Be… The Greatest Country on Earth!!
God Bless America!! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸
Have a Safe, Happy & Healthy holiday weekend with your family & friends and I’ll see you back here Monday!
-Dick
Tomorrow is the Fourth of July . . . and everyone's feeling Patriotic! They're saying this could be the the busiest Fourth of July travel season on record.
The airlines are so so short on seats, Boeing is actually encouraging people to “feel free to push any loose doors out… and grab a seat on the Wings!”
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American’s are expected to down an estimated 150 MILLION Hot Dogs tomorrow as the Nations celebrates its 248th Birthday!
- And no matter what kind you like… Ballpark, All-Beef, Turkey, Natural Casing… eat ‘em with RELISH! And maybe some mustard, too!
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A brutal heat wave is underway in California.
It’s so hot… Kim Kardashian considered taking off her cloths to cool down… but then realized she wasn’t wearing any.
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With the Summer Olympics in Paris just weeks away, Officials are warming tourists NOT to swim in the historic Seine River as many parts of it are "contaminated with dangerous Bacteria”.
- On a bright note… we’re talking Paris in July… the Bacteria helps cover up the scent of the Body Odor!
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According to a new study, eating 4 Prunes a day can help prevent the bone-loss disease, Osteoporosis.
- Oh sure… You’ll never be able to leave your bathroom again… but, hey… you’ll have “great bones”!
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There must be something in the water! According to a new study, Indianapolis has the highest birth rate among all major cities in the U.S.
- It was close… The day they counted the births, they had 498 babies born in Muncie, Indiana… and 499 in South Bend. But when Push Came To Shove, the big winner was the Indy 500.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow! The 4th of July!!!
-Dick
Today is the 2nd of July… the day the Founding Fathers had intended to be Independence Day! But because it took so long to get the word out to the public with transportation and communications so limited in those days… they decided to go the the Fourth of July instead!! True Story!!!
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Monday, at least 30 people were injured when an Air Europa Boeing 787 Dreamliner hit turbulence over the Atlantic, sending passengers flying around. . One man was thrown out of his seat so hard… he ended up stuck in one of the overhead bins.
- Unbelievable! There was actually room for him in the overhead bin?? I can never even squeeze my computer case in there! Good job buddy. (I hope you’re feeling better by the way!)
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McDonald's has given up on its attempt to sell meat-free beef burger in America. The Golden Arches had been testing the "McPlant" at several hundred restaurants in California and Texas since 2021... but sales were "Disappointing".
- Bottom Line... American's Weren't Lovin' It.
- I don't know about you... but enough with the Fake Meat! How about they start working on the important stuff... Plant Based French Fries!!! Oh... wait...
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When a Groom in India failed to show up for his Wedding, his jilted Bride invited him over to her place to "talk things through". But instead of working him through his "Cold Feet", the Bride-to-Be pulled out a knife and cut off his manhood. He managed to call police and she was arrested.
- This gives whole new meaning to "Cutting off your nose to spite your face"... I mean if they do work things out... I'm thinking the wedding night is going pretty much be a bust.
- Maybe she was just taking the old "In sickness and in health" part out for a test drive??
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According to a new report from White House aides, President Biden is only reliably capable of working “between the hours of 10am and 4pm”.
- Is he President of the US or the guy who fixes my TV when the Cable goes out?
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According to a new study... Smoking Pot can help Women achieve more “Big O’s”.
- Well ladies, you know what they say… Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em!
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Have a great day and i’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
It’s “American Zoo Day”… And I think it’s fair to say that, at least when it comes to Politics, We are somewhere between a Donkey Revolt and an Elephant Stampede!
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THIS JUST IN… The Supreme Court just ruled that former President Trump has Immunity for “Official Acts” committed while he was President… all but guaranteeing he will not go to trial before the election. Stay tuned…
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According to a CBS News/YouGov Poll taken after last Thursdays Presidential debate, 72% of American Voters DO NOT BELIEVE Joe Biden has the Mental Capacity to serve as President of the United States.
- Or, as his campaign staff puts it…. “Four More Years! Four More Years!”
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Despite widespread panic among Democrat pundits and big money donors, the President’s Family - in particular Jill and Hunter - are said to be demanding that Joe stay in the race.
- “Pardon me”… but I can’t think of a single reason why Hunter would want his Dad to be President… 🤔
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John Deere has announced mass layoffs in the Midwest as they move production of their tractors to Mexico.
- But in an interesting twist, Instead of a pink slip, they sent the affected employees a “Deere John” letter to let them know the company was “breaking up” with them.
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Thanks to a new study, scientists have finally discovered what really causes us to Procrastinate.
- I’ll be releasing the finding of that study tomorrow or the next day… you know, whenever I get around to it.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!
-Dick
It’s finally here…. The first Presidential Debate is scheduled to start at 9 p.m. on CNN and is expected to be the most watched debate in history. With so much riding on tonight’s performance for both campaigns… rumors are flying about what will happen: Will Joe stay awake?? Will he call Trump a Convicted Felon? Will Trump lose his cool?? Will he bring up Hunter’s Convictions? What about the crisis at the Border? Will CNN be fair??? What am I going to have for lunch?? Wait… I just meant to “think” that last one - not actually “type” it. Oh well… stay tuned!
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Following his recent gun conviction, Hunter Biden's D.C. law license has been suspended.
- On a bright note… with no law licensce, this will free him up to spend more time on his hobbies: Painting and doing Drugs!
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According to a new study, a lack of sleep can make it extremely difficult to retain information.
- Not only that… but according to a new study… a lack of sleep can make it extremely difficult to retain information!
- Did I mention that I didn’t get much sleep last night?
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In New York, Delta has launched its most luxurious lounge ever at JFK Airport. The 39,000-square-foot “Delta One” lounge features a 140-seat bar & restaurant and a wellness center complete with “Serenity Rooms” and full-body Massage Chairs.
- It’s great for those who want to get perfectly relaxed before getting on a Boeing plane and almost dying.
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A 20 year old Video game player is charged with attempted murder after flying from New Jersey to Florida, breaking into another gamers home and trying to kill him with a hammer because he was, “a bad game player online”.
- This is why I play Solitaire. When I lose… The only one I have to blame is myself.
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On the heels of the Hooters Restaurant closures… Olive Garden announced they'll be raising prices heading into the summer.
- They’ve even got a new slogan… “When You’re Here… You’re Family That We’ve Decided to Charge More For Dinner!”
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Officials in California are closing 5 popular beaches in San Diego because the water is contaminated with Raw Sewage.
- Officials are warning that no one should have “Fun… Fun… Fun…” Until the Experts take the E. coli away.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!
-Dick
In response to "pressure from current market conditions”, at least 44 "underperforming" Hooters restaurants are permanently closing in 14 states across the nation
- Apparently, unlike their waitresses... Sales at Hooters are flat.
- And ladies… remember… a guy saying “I only go to Hooter’s for the Wings” is today’s version of “I only read Playboy for the Articles”.
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Gossip Website TMZ is reporting that 72 year old former New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichek and his 23 year old former Cheerleader girlfriend Jordon Hudson are "shacking up"... having moved in together a few months back.
Jordon says Bellicheck is, "Super thoughtful and sweet" while Bill says Jordon - who is 49 years younger than him - is "An Angel".
- One might even say... “A Visiting Angel”.
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Another scare in the skies... 17 passengers were injured after their flight dropped 25,000 feet in 5 minutes and flew in circles several times before returning to the airport in South Korea on Saturday.
- Is it just me or does flying these days seem a lot like a trip to Cedar Point... but without the French Fries and Funnel Cakes?
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Former Disney Star-turned Pop Princess Ariana Grande shocked her fans during an interview this week. She was asked, “If you could have dinner with any Historical Person from any Period in Time who would it be?” Her answer? Serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer.
- Finally!! A Celebrity who’s not into a Vegan Diet!!!
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A new study finds that drinking coffee could prevent Premature Death from sitting all day.
-So… bottom line… “The best way to keep from NOT EVER Waking up… is Folgers in Your Cup!!”!
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With just one day to go til the 1st Presidential debate… 6 in 10 American Adults say they’ll be watching.
- So nobody in Congress, then?
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
The International Olympic Committee announced that there will be NO air condoning in the Athlete’s apartments during the Summer Olympics which begin in Paris next month... But team members will be allowed to bring their own air conditioning units if they want. But coaches say that will be “costly and inconvenient”.
- Not if you do what I do! Tape a piece of fake fur to it and tell the airline it’s your “Emotional Support Air Conditioner”! .
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Is it just me or are there a ton of women on TV with red hair right now? I feel like every time I flip the channel, I see a woman with red hair. On commercials… the news… in movies… it doesn’t matter. They’re everywhere! And the women with red hair even get a cool name… “Ginger”. On the other hand, what do red haired men get? They’re just called “Red”.
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Elon Musk has confirmed rumors that he welcomed a twelfth child to the world earlier this year… His third baby with an executive who works for his Neurlink company.
- Proving once again that Elon may be the richest man in the world, but just like the rest of us… he takes his pants OFF one leg at a time.
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Former President Trump says he knows who he’s choosing as his running mate - and that that person WILL BE in attendance at Thursday night’s Presidential Debate hosted by CNN.
- Fingers crossed he’s going with Wolf Blitzer!!! Wolf and I went to the same High School…. Kenmore High in Kenmore, New York! Wolf may be kinda borning but…. Go Blue Devils!!!!
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Scientists say that attractive people are more likely to drink… especially “Attractive” women who they say are significantly more likely to have imbibed alcohol recently compared with their less attractive peers.
- Do ya think what they meant to say way, “More attractive women are likely to have drunk more FREE drinks” than their less attractive peers??
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Former Bachelorette star Josh Seiter - who went on the Reality Dating Show to find the girl of his dreams and is now transitioning to become a woman - is blasting his male dates as “transphobic” because they want him to pay for dates. but he says that women shouldn’t pay for dates - and that includes him - because “he’s” now a a “she”.
- Got it? No? Me neither.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
Tonights’ the night! The 66th Ford Fireworks are tonight… Monday, June 24! The display starts around 10 p.m with FREE Viewing locations at Hart Plaza, Belle Isle Park and Spirit Plaza! If you can’t attend in person… the event will be broadcast LIVE on WDIV Channel 4.
And if you miss tonight’s display… They’ll be an even BIGGER Fireworks show THIS THURSDAY officially known as: “The Presidential Debate”.
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Are you going to watch the debate? Why or why not? I’d love to hear your thoughts!!!
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Right now… Two NASA astronauts are literally stranded in space. They were supposed to return to earth on June 13th after docking with the International Space Station for 8 days, but the departure was postponed due to helium leaks and thruster problems on their Boeing Starliner Space Ship.
- Wait. Did they say the Space Ship was made by BOEING???
- They might get the Helium leak fixed, but if I was one of those astronauts… I’d hold onto the Door of the Space Capsule during re-entry pretty tightly!
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Six Climate Change protesters stormed the 18th green while Golfers were lining up their putts for the final hole at the PGA Tour's Travelers Championship Sunday, spraying smoke and powder and delaying the finish for about five minutes.
- Police quickly arrested the protesters while… in true Golf Form… the spectators Clapped. (softly)
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A new survey finds that 46% of American electric vehicle drivers are likely to switch back to a gas-powered car.
- Leo Di Caprio and Bill Gates were so furious when they heard, they both fueled up their private jets and are flying to Europe to have a private meeting about it even as we speak!
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Remember that study I told you about last week that found that 85% of Americans feel more than a decade older than their chronological age? Well it turns out… People feel 12 years older than they actually are for one simple reason: Joint Pain.
- But people aren’t handling the aches and pains like their Grandparents did. These days, more and more Americans are ditching the Ben Gay and treating their Joint Pain with… a Joint.
- Put that in your pipe and smoke it!
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Temperatures continued to sizzle across many regions in the U.S. this weekend, with an air quality health advisory issued for New York City.
- It’s so hot in NYC you can fry an egg on the sidewalk! Sure… It’ll have hints of dog poop and melted chewing gum in it… But you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!
-Dick
MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow stopped by “The View” this week… and during the interview, Joy Behar said she’s worried that if he wins the White House, Trump will cancel both Maddow’s show and “The View”.
- If he promises to take “The View” off the air, I think even Biden might vote for Trump!!
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Police in Pennsylvania came upon a broken down school bus filled with straw, Chickens, a Bull and a Pony that they believe were being used for……………. “Romance”.
- Wait… Chickens???
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According to the FBI, Americans aged 60 and older lost more than $3-billion-dollars to phone scammers in 2023.
- Their advice to seniors: Stop answering the phone when your kids and/or grandkids call !!!
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TV therapists Dr. Phil and Dr. Drew think they know what may have led Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck to the brink of Divorce: They say J Lo is, “Addicted to Love”. The Doc Duo believe Jen - who has been Engaged 6 times and Married 4 times - has never taken time to figure out “what she really wants”.
- I’m thinking what she really wants is a lot of Bridal Showers.
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A new study has found that, on average, Americans over 45 feel 12 years older than their actual age.
- Which reminds me of the old Groucho Marx line… “You’re only as old as the Women you feel”.
- Wait… Are we still allowed to say that today?
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A student applying to college in Turkey was arrested after being caught using an Artificial Intelligence Powered System on his phone to get answers to the entrance exam - in REAL TIME - as he was taking the test.
- I don’t mean to brag… but I got into College the old fashioned way. I wrote the answers on the palm of my hand like everybody else!
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The company that makes Dramamine - the nausea relief medicine - has produced a 13 minute documentary on the “History of Barf Bags”.
- Critics call it the “Feel Sick Movie of the Year”
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!
-Dick
Earlier today, Russian President Vladimir Putin and North Korean leader Kim Jong Un signed an agreement pledging “Mutual Aid” if either country faces “Aggression” from the West. It’s said to the be the strongest tie between the two countries since the Cold War.
- How cold was the Cold War you ask? It was so Cold… When Dennis Rodman went over to negotiate, he had to wear a cardigan over his strapless dress!
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According to the FCC… Not a single American has been hooked up to High Speed Internet despite the Biden Administration approving $42.5 BILLION for it back in 2021.
- Any chance it’s just a “Buffering” issue? You know… like a “Slow Connection”?
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Yesterday, the Buffalo Bills announced plans to financially support the city's upcoming National Gay Flag Football League chapter.
- Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
- In related news: The team will be holding try outs for Running Backs and Tight Ends this afternoon.
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Millions of people across the Midwest and Northeast are facing brutal heat this week… with some experts saying it’s actually unsafe to go outside in cities like Chicago and New York.
- Of course, that’s because of the muggings, shootings and carjackings. The heat is just an add-on.
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The Nashville Zoo announced it has become the first accredited facility in the United States to hatch Crocodile Tegu Lizards.
- What?? You mean I’ve been sitting on MY Crocodile Tegu Lizard Eggs for SIX WEEKS and those yahoos at the Nashville Zoo beat me to the punch??? I’ll get ‘em next year!!
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RIP… Willie Mays… One of the Greatest Baseball Players of all time… who died Tuesday at the age of 93.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
Like many Dad’s… Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer posted a pic of himself Grilling Hot Dogs and Burgers on Social Media for Father’s Day… The only problem was… Chuck had put a slice of cheese on a completely RAW burger - something Grill Masters (Such as Yours Truly 🤣) know is a recipe for food poisoning. After taking a lot of heat, Chuck deleted the post.
- If only he’d put some heat on the burgers…
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A new report says that the iconic “Titanic” kissing scene between Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio was a nightmare to shoot due to lighting and makeup mishaps.
- So apparently when you hit an Iceberg, “The Heart Will GO On”… But the base make-up, lip gloss and mascara might not STAY on.
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Former New England Patriot’s Coach Bill Belichick who is 72 posted pics of himself on Instagram with his new girlfriend - a 24 year old former cheerleader.
- This is the most exciting romance to come out of Football since Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce. Although when Belichick’s girlfriend tells Bill to “Shake if Off”… she’s testing him for Parkinsons.
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Lina, a young Colombian woman involved in a polyamory relationship with SEVEN senior gentlemen, has been accused of taking advantage of the elderly men for financial gains.
- They’re even making a Disney movie about it called: “Lina The Young Colombian Woman and the Seven Old Men”… And their named Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, & Really Happy!
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Maine’s oldest lobster trapper, Virginia “Ginny” Oliver just turned 104-years-old and says she has no plans to leave her boat. She’s been catching lobsters for 94 years and says, “Lobsters are my life”.
- So much so, that when she dies, she’s requested that instead of being laid out in a casket… she wants to be presented on the half-shelf.
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In a new survey commissioned by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, 12% of Americans said they have been diagnosed with chronic insomnia.
- But of that 12%, 10% say they’re not gonna lose any sleep over the diagnosis.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
Hope you had a terrific Father’s Day with the ones you love! I had a great day with my girls… Grilled Chicken, Salad, Peanut Butter Bars, Strawberry Rhubarb Pie and of course… Presents!
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Speaking of Presents… Father’s Day spending hit roughly $22.4 BILLION this year, the second highest ever… following last year’s record of $22.9 BILLION.
- Boy the gifts my girls got me were nice… but they weren’t $22.4 BILLION nice!
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CBS’s Gayle King says her BFF Oprah Winfrey is back home and resting comfortably after being hospitalized for a severe stomach virus. The hospital staff said Oprah was “Wonderful” and that once she was feeling better ran up and down the halls handing out gifts to the other patients.
- As Oprah used to say on her show… “A FREE Bed Pan for YOU! And YOU! And YOU!”
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A Chinese Zoo has given up on its plans to help an overweight leopard lose weight through dieting after two months of efforts yielded virtually no results.
So… they’re going to do what everybody else is doing and put the Leopard on “O-ZOO-pic”.
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Parents in New York City are having a meltdown over a local ice cream truck’s astronomical prices — including $14 for ice cream in a Waffle Cone.
It used to be “I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream For Ice Cream”. Now it’s just a bunch of people running around screaming.
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A new survey shows that 45% of parents are going into debt during a Disney vacation.
- It’s so expensive at Disney, that even Happy admitted to Snow White that he’s downright Grumpy.
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A new study warns that living to 90 almost guarantees you’ll suffer from hearing loss.
- Let’s not put the cart before the horse! I’ve got to get through my “Midlife Crisis” first. (Yeah, right…)
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RIP… A longtime friend of mine and my whole family’s… Gus Stavropoulos… passed away this weekend. Our thoughts and prayers are with his wife Maria and his children and grandchildren.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!
-Dick
THIS JUST IN… Hunter Biden has been found GUILTY on all 3 Counts in his Felony Gun Trial in Delaware…
- Hunter is said to be “disappointed” in the verdict. Word is he was really hoping for a “Hung Jury” so he could post a picture of it on his laptop.
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President Biden raised new alarm bells when he appeared to freeze for almost a minute during a Juneteenth Concert on the White House Lawn Last night. He appeared statue-like while VP Harris, her husband, and George Floyd’s brother danced on either side of him..
- Were Diana Ross and the Supremes there? Maybe he just took “Stop! In the Name of Love” a little too literally.
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Over 38 MILLION Americans suffer from Diabetes, and now a new study finds that exercising in the evening is the best way to lower blood sugar levels.
- I’d love to take advantage of this info and workout after dinner… but that’s usually when I’m busy eating “dessert”.
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A new study suggests that getting tattoos may significantly increase blood cancer risk.
- But on a bright note… each tattoo you get, exponentially increases your chances of working as a Barista at Starbucks!
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A camel landed on the hood of a car during an accident in India.
- Luckily were no injuries, but the Camel went ON and ON and On about it. What a Dromedary Queen!
- The driver of the car said the Camel left such a dent, he had to take his car to the Hump Shop.
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Hollywood is working on a new movie inspired by a real-life College professor turned cat burglar - that they say Blends “Academia with Criminality”.
- I believe the technical name for this is………… “Harvard”.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
Defense Rests In Hunter Biden Gun Trial… Closing Arguments This Afternoon… Mostly Likely Goes to Jury Today…. Stay Tuned…
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A new report says Chicago’s mayor Brandon Johnson has spent $30,000 in campaign finance funds on personal grooming in the last year alone.
- For $30,000 a year… he should like Halle Barry.
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Dick Van Dyke has won a historic Daytime Emmy at age 98. The actor was honored Friday night as guest performer in a daytime drama series for his part as amnesiac, Timothy Robicheaux on NBC’s the “Days of Our Lives,” making him the oldest Daytime Emmy winner ever.
- Oh, Rob!!!!!!!!!
- My favorite part of this story is the character that he played! “Amnesiac Timothy Roicheaux”. It doesn’t get any more “Soap Opera” than that. Unless of course… he had an EVIL TWIN…
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Crews of firefighters and animal rescue teams came together in England to rescue two cows that wandered into a river and couldn't figure out how to get back out of the water.
- Well you know what they say about Cows… “You can lead them to water, but you can’t make them Think”
- EMS workers said the Cows swallowed a lot of water during the rescue, adding, “They were giving Whole Milk before they went in… now, it’s diluted to like 2%”
- Udderly amazing. . Very Mooooving Story. (I’ll stop now)
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Music Producer Nick Cannon, who has fathered 12 children with 6 different women, has taken out a $10 MILLION insurance policy on his testicles.
- Nick said he was going to go with State Farm but changed his mind because he knew his manhood would be in “Good hands with Allstate”.
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Police in New York are trying to find the owner Boa Constrictor found slithering around the halls of an Upper West Side apartment building. Cops describe the snake as “5 feet long, very aggressive and warn people to use caution when approaching it”.
- Oh… and they added that it answers to the name, “Robert De Niro”.
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- No official word on whether J Lo and Ben Affleck are headed for Divorce Court… but they have put their 43,000 square-foot house on the market. “Bennifer” bought the house a year ago for $61 MILLION…. which features 17 bedrooms and 30 bathrooms.
- How can they be getting divorced? Ben hasn’t even had time to leave the toilet seat up in all 30 of those bathrooms yet!
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!
-Dick
80 years years ago today, June 6, 1944 the greatest seaborne military invasion of all time began with the landing of US, British, and Canadian troops on the beaches of Normandy, France. “D-Day” as it’s known, marked the beginning of the end of World War II.
With 131 US WWII vets dying everyday, the numbers of these brave men are dwindling. We’ll never forget them, nor the sacrifices they made during that bloody war. They have our eternal thanks and our Promise to remember - and pass on to our children, grandchildren and beyond - how they literally “Saved The World” with their sacrifices.
God Bless Them and God Bless America! 🇺🇸
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A new survey now finds that more than 1 in 3 Americans think tipping culture has gotten "out of control".
- I always tip for good service. In fact, I even tipped MYSELF the other day for bagging my groceries at the self checkout at Kroger. I shouldn’t have though. I put the Milk right on top of the bread. Completely crushed it.
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An Algerian man was recently convicted for indecent behavior and sentenced to two months behind bars for hugging random people on the street to spread peace and positivity.
- Perhaps the way things are in this country these days…the “random people” thought they were being put in a chokehold instead of a hug??? I’m just guessin’ here…
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The Rock band Queen is reportedly in talks to sell it’s catalog to Sony Music for $1 BILLION, according to Bloomberg.
- When it comes to raking in the dough, They are the Champions, My Friend.
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Lady Gaga has shut down rumors that she’s expecting a Little-Lady-Gaga… saying that a pic of her posted to the internet last weekend that appeared to show her with a considerable baby bump really just showed some weight gain.
- Bottom line: Her tummy wasn’t wasn't the result of a “Bad Romance”... but was just Bloating from some bad Nachos.
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Kim Kardashian is still working towards becoming an attorney like her late father Robert Kardashian.
- Kim says she will “Fight tirelessly to get justice for the little guy… Just like my Dad did for O.J. Simpson!”
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Women’s tennis legend Billie Jean King says that Caitlin Clark is “the reason” for a rise in interest in the WNBA.
Remove back when Billie Jean King played her famous game against Bobby Riggs? When it was a big deal for a man to play against a woman? Now we've got men in dresses CLAIMING to be women… and taking their trophies!
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!
-Dick
Today is the “Festival of Popular Delusions Day”… So, depending on you political leanings… celebrate by turning on CNN, MSNBC, or Fox News!!!
To be honest… when I really want to get “Delusional” … I turn on “This Old House”.
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Crazy day in the Hunter Biden Felony Gun Charge Trial yesterday when his infamous laptop was admitted into evidence and “verified” as belonging to him. Remember… That’s after 51 current and former US Military and Intelligence Officers signed a now-debunked letter claiming the laptop had all the “hallmarks of Russian disinformation” just prior to the 2020 election.
- So the Laptop is REAL?? It’s almost like they intentionally didn’t want us to know this before the 2020 election… Hmmmm…
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A new study finds that “In-office mandates” are causing experienced staff to quit their jobs at companies that require them to work in the office.
- Translation: People don’t like wearing Pants.
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President Biden said he’s more physically able to do the job of the presidency than anyone, appearing to imply in a new on-the-tarmac interview that he could beat up reporters who asked about his “advanced age”.
- Oh sure… Joe may want you to get offa his lawn. But he’s gone whoop you real good before you go!
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Donald Trump’s felony conviction now means that he’s banned from entering almost 40 Countries around the world… including Canada and the United Kingdom.
- When the Royal Family heard, they were like… “Why didn’t we think of this?? We just get the Americans to convict Meghan of a FELONY and we never have to let her back into England again!!!”
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Cyndi Lauper was honored at the TCL Chinese Theatre in Hollywood yesterday… and even Cher was on hand to watch as Cyndi placed her hand and footprints in cement outside the theater.
- Cyndi is known for her hit “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”… Although at 70 and 78 respectively, Cyndi and Cher’s idea of “Fun” is putting on their Spanx without spraining anything.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
Pepsi's reign as America's No 2 soda is over… According to new Data, for the first time ever, Dr. Pepper has replaced Pepsi as the second most popular soft drink in the country. The reigning #1 Champ? Coke.
- Heck… it’s so popular, they even serve it at the White House!
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Scientists have discovered that poor money management could signal Alzheimer’s disease.
- The Bad news is… It looks like Congress has got some real Memory Impairment Issues…
The Good News? Ukraine’s probably about to get another Big Check from Uncle Sam!!!
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A new study finds that chronically stressed Moms can help reverse the damaging metabolic effects of stress by engaging in regular sexual activity.
- Gosh… You don’t think their husbands had anything to do with funding this survey, do ya?
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A groundbreaking new study reveals that having kids may shorten a man’s life.
- Having had six of them myself… I don’t think this is true AT ALL. But it can sure FEEL like it sometimes… particularly during the TEENAGE years.
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Meanwhile, another new survey finds that 60% of Americans believe doing everyday chores such as yardwork, cleaning, and walking the dog can keep you fit.
- The one everyday chore that can actually help keep you fit that Americans DON’T believe will help? Working Out.
*****
An acoustic guitar played by John Lennon on one of the Beatles albums just sold at auction for $2.9 MILLION. The guitar was found in an attic in the UK after being 'lost' for over 50 years.
- Yoko Ono says if John were alive today he’d be glad the guitar was found but would be “unimpressed” by the money, saying… “Ob La Di, Ob La Da… Life Goes On”.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
As of this writing, the Jury in Trump’s Hush Money/Campaign Finance/Election Interference/Whatever-This-Case-Is-Specifically-About Trial is still Deliberating… It’s complicated and confusing. Even the commentators seemed a bit at a loss as to exactly what the main charges are. I don’t know whether to “Call Sam” or Geoffrey Feiger to help explain this to me!
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A former Fast Food CEO is predicting that more fast-food restaurants will close nationwide over higher prices. How high are they? McDonald's Big Mac cost $3.99 in 2019… and now that price has doubled to $8.29.
- What are they putting in the “Special Sauce”… Liquid Gold?
- It’s so bad last week the Hamburgler called 911 to say he’d been robbed at the Drive-thru.
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Lunden Roberts, the ex-stripper and mother of Hunter Biden's estranged daughter, Navy is writing a Tell-All book that’s set to hit bookstores in late August.
- It will the first book in history to be both a Pop-Up and available for purchase only in CASH… and only in SINGLES.
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South Korean officials are warning residents to stay indoors after North Korea dropped more than 150 balloons carrying Trash and Poop onto their South Korean Neighbor.
- Political experts say this is a new low… even for Kim Jong Ewwww.
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A new survey shows that 63% of Voters say “Reducing Crime” is a Top Priority for them when it comes to who they’ll vote for this November.
- And a full 100% say they just want to make sure their VOTE doesn’t get STOLEN.
*****
A man who allegedly ran naked down the aisle of a plane in the middle of a flight between two cities in Australia has been arrested.
- It’s unknown if his Tray Table was “In it’s full and upright position” at the time of the incident.
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A Georgia alligator was “arrested” and loaded into a police cruiser after it showed up in a resident’s driveway.
- Not surprisingly, the alligator tested positive for Croc Cocaine.
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Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg says Turbulence during Air Travel is up 15%... and it's do to... “Climate Change”.
- I'm shocked! I thought Turbulence was caused by "Misogyny and Colonialism" while "Climate Change" was directly responsible for my Lost Luggage.
*****
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!
-Dick
It’s International Hamburger Day! So if you've got something Well-Done (or even Medium-Well) between your buns... Show it off!
*****
Huge day in Trump’s alleged Hush Money Trial in NYC... with the Defense and Prosecution presenting their closing arguments. Outside the courtroom, Robert De Niro held a press conference on behalf of the Biden Administration where he talked about Trump trying to take over the world while a car alarm went off in the background and protestors tried to drown him out.
- Biden fans thought it was his best work since "The Godfather"... but Trump fans thought it was "Raging Bulls---"
*****
National Transportations Secretary Pete Buttigieg struggled for answers on "Face the Nation" when asked how it's possible that after 3 years and $7.5 BILLION... this administration has only built "6 or 7" Electric Vehicle charging stations.
- But each station has like TWO OUTLETS so there’s THAT!
*****
According to a new report, Red Lobster’s owner once said the business left such a “big scar” on him that he had to “stop eating lobster.”
- His wife says like the butter he used to dip his lobster in... he now looks "drawn".
*****
A new study finds that childless women enjoy far more physical activity than busy moms.
And 9 months after that “physical activity”… the childless women become “Moms”!
*****
A devoted Madonna fan paid tribute to her favorite artist by getting a record-breaking 18 tattoos of Madonna on her body. Tara Berry of Topeka, Kansas, earned the Guinness World Record for the most tattoos of the same musician on her body.
- But the record for most STD’s is still held by Madonna herself!
*****
RIP… Sam Butcher, the artist who created the Precious Moments figurines depicting angelic teardrop-eyed children, has died. He was 85. No cause of death was given.
RIP… Bill Walton, the legendary NBA player and sportscaster, died Monday of Cancer. He was 71.
*****
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
The White House made nine corrections to the transcript of President Biden’s speech in Detroit this past weekend… including when the President said he'd saved each American $800,000 last year.
- The White House corrected the record: The President SENT each UKRANIAN $800,000 last year.
- I'm glad they got that cleared up!
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In bombshell Congressional testimony Wednesday, a Senior Advisor to Dr. Fauci admitted to intentionally deleting emails and lying to Congress repeatedly about the true Origin and their handling of the pandemic.
- Kinda reminds of the old “Lone Ranger” show. Remember when they used to ask, "Who was that Masked Man?" Turns out... It was Dr. Fauci. And his assistant, “Tonto”!
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According to a new survey, 1 in 4 Americans think moving to a new house would be more stressful than having to land a plane in an emergency.
- Well, duh. When you move to a new house you have to open and close doors and stuff. On planes these days… the doors just open on the their own!
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A zoo in England is asking the public to keep an eye out for an escaped Tayra. A Tayra is described as short, with with beady eyes and salt and pepper hair.
- Huh. Kinda sounds like my Junior High Cafeteria Lunch Lady.
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Hugh Jackman is set to star in a new "Robin Hood" Movie. Producers say “The Death of Robin Hood” will follow an aging Robin Hood seeking forgiveness after years of crime and battle.
- Also in the new version... Maid Marian is actually a biological man… and Friar Tuck is the leader of a movement to "Defund the Sheriff of Nottingham".
*****
PGA Star Rory McIlroy and CBS Golf reporter Amanda Balionis are sparking romance rumors just over a week after news broke that he filed for divorce.
Of course they're just whispers at this point. Then again... everything in Golf is whispers.
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New studies find that biking over your lifetime helps prevent knee pain and may help you live longer.
- And if you put a Bell on the handlebars and baseball or playing cards in the spokes you'll look super cool too while you're out on your Paper Route!
*****
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!
-Dick